Moxie Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 First grade DD is having a birthday party. She has to invite the whole class (which I am totally ok with). Three boys RSVP that they will be there. The day before the party, I get calls from their mothers that their football game has been rescheduled so they can't come to the party. I can't decide if this is rude or just how it works with sports. There is a big part of my head screaming "first grade!!!" One mother told me her son cried for 10 minutes. It bugs me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Imagine if all three boys missed the game. What would that do to the game and team. I don't think it was rude. It sounds like they called as soon as they knew. 30 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 That seems really acceptable to me. It's inconvenient, but the parents didn't reschedule the game: it got rescheduled, which changed the kids' availability, and they told you as soon as possible. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Frustrating but not rude. Rude would have been not telling you they weren't coming. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirstenhill Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I think it is frustrating, but I do think this is how it works. The general feeling behind it is that a football team is a commitment, but a birthday party is a social event. The part that I do think is rude is not telling you that it could happen. I would have said, "Thank you so much for inviting us, but the boys' football game is up in the air this week. Could I get back with you last minute?" But, maybe the moms didn't know. My guess is they may not have known. We've had activities where the schedule is supposedly "set", only to get an email from the organizer or coach saying something like, "sorry, the room was double booked so we have to reschedule." Or if it was weather related, they may know that a game could get rained out, but not know ahead of time when the rescheduled game will be until they hear from the coach. I'd say, unfortunate but not rude. Even at first grade, those parents committed their kids to the team and if all three are on the same team there may not be enough players without them. If it were me I might let my kid pick between the football game and the party...but not if I knew the team were going to be short handed without them. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) Not rude. A team sport is a commitment they enter when joining the team, and that should take precedent over a social activity. I commend the mothers for letting you know ahead of time. And I am impressed they RSVPd at all - most people don't bother with either. Rude would have been simply not to show up. Edited October 14, 2016 by regentrude 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Agreeing with everyone. Annoying, for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude. Annoying for you, though. Hope the party is fun, even without the extra boys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Unfortunate, not rude. (Hey, they knew enough to RSVP in the first place. Count yourself ahead of the game there.) I suspect they didn't have any inkling the game date/time was in flux. Things sometimes change without warning. If the kids' not playing that day would negatively impact the team, then they're in a tight spot. At least they had the courtesy to call and let you know instead of just not showing up. They get points for that in my book. I'm sorry for your DD though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude. The sport is team based. If all three boys missed the game for a birthday party, that negatively impacts many children, not just those three. It affects the entire team. In fact, if they missed the game the team might have to forfeit, depending on how many other kids are on the team and the rules for their football league. The parents probably had no idea the game was going to be rescheduled until it actually was. They apparently apologized and informed you as soon as they knew. While it is frustrating, I don't see it as rude at all. It is just a fact of being involved in team sports, regardless of age. I am sorry that it affects your child's birthday party. Hugs to her and you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 not rude 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I would stay with what I had committed to. But I'm not a sport crazy mom, though my kids are in a lot of sports. Now if they were in high school and it was an important game, that might change my perspective. But in first, no. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Agree with others, not rude. Unfortunate but not rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude. Sometimes there are just scheduling conflicts. I hope your daughter's party is still lots of fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude at all. In fact, very polite that they called right away to follow up. I feel bad for the boys. But it is what it is. They already had a team commitment. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude. The football team is a prior commitment. Very good of them to both rsvp and call. Sent from my LG-H345 using Tapatalk 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Considering that lots of people don't RSVP or call, they simply show up or not, I think this was pretty gracious, actually. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Does not sound rude to me, they have a commitment to the team and had no control over the rescheduling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 It happens. The best thing to do, in the future, is to find when games of a popular sport are scheduled. For example, games for a certain grade could be Saturday afternoons, but the times will depend on where the teams are in the current standings. I think it's best to avoid scheduling parties on game days, if possible. By second grade, everybody knows this. But in first grade non-sports people have no clue. Welcome to the club, lol! Btw, some guests will send a gift even if they do not attend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) Not understanding how could it possibly be rude? Unfortunate? Yes. Inconvenient? Yes. Would have never thought of it as rude. Hope your dd has a wonderful birthday!! Edited for spelling :) Edited October 14, 2016 by mamiof5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 It happens. The best thing to do, in the future, is to find when games of a popular sport are scheduled. For example, games for a certain grade could be Saturday afternoons, but the times will depend on where the teams are in the current standings. I think it's best to avoid scheduling parties on game days, if possible. By second grade, everybody knows this. But in first grade non-sports people have no clue. Welcome to the club, lol! Btw, some guests will send a gift even if they do not attend. Except when games can be rescheduled to any old time and still be the first priority in a first graders life?? And it is a no-gift party. No one needs that many new toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 First grade DD is having a birthday party. She has to invite the whole class (which I am totally ok with). Three boys RSVP that they will be there. The day before the party, I get calls from their mothers that their football game has been rescheduled so they can't come to the party. I can't decide if this is rude or just how it works with sports. There is a big part of my head screaming "first grade!!!" One mother told me her son cried for 10 minutes. It bugs me. I vote unfortunate but not rude. At least they told you. Stuff happens. Personally I would prioritize my kid's ball game over a classmate birthday party. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude. A team sport is a commitment they enter when joining the team, and that should take precedent over a social activity. I commend the mothers for letting you know ahead of time. And I am impressed they RSVPd at all - most people don't bother with either. Rude would have been simply not to show up. I agree with the above. When any of my kids enters into a season/activity of something done as part of a team - like football or theater - I always remind them that for the duration of the commitment, the team activity will always have to be the first responsibility, because my kid's participation may have a direct effect on the success of the group. That helps train them to look forward, which is a necessary skill for commitment-making. I understand your sentiment about it as being "only first grade," but this is a sort of character training issue that will stay with them in future years. Life these days is very busy, none of us can be in two places at once. It's good to realize that and be able to prioritize effectively. Now if the boys were ring bearers in their sister's wedding on the new football day, that would be different, but a classmate's birthday party is not of the same importance. And yeah, I'm impressed you got RSVPs and then news of cancellation. Well done, other moms! So many these days would have just no-showed. At least your child knows the reason. I feel for the football coach, schedule changes by the league probably generate a bunch of unwelcome phone calls to him personally. I don't imagine game date changes like this are made on a whim due to the number of people affected. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Rude on the part of the group that set up the football league for first graders! It's not the parent's fault that group released a flaky calendar. My kids tried many things in early elementary and never did anything that would require you to be "on call" and just keep your calendar open. That's pretty ridiculous IMO. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Rude on the part of the group that set up the football league for first graders! It's not the parent's fault that group released a flaky calendar. My kids tried many things in early elementary and never did anything that would require you to be "on call" and just keep your calendar open. That's pretty ridiculous IMO. I didn't see that game players were "on call," the game could have been rescheduled due to weather or something similarly unanticipated. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 yes, that happens with sports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) Except when games can be rescheduled to any old time and still be the first priority in a first graders life?? I don't see that how it has any relevance that they are in 1st grade. If kids join a team activity - be that sport, or orchestra, or theatre - that is a commitment they make to the entire group, and it needs to be honored. I don't see a reason why first graders should get to blow off a prior commitment and let their team mates down, and I commend the parents for instilling good habits. If stuff gets rescheduled that is inconvenient - but such is life. ETA: Do I think 6 y/olds need to have this kind of commitment? No, I don't. But once they enter, they should stick with it. Edited October 14, 2016 by regentrude 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 ridiculous for first grade, but that aside not rude...just annoying at least they called to tell you 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 The team might have had to forfeit if they weren't there. Not rude, but a bummer, for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Well, I think it's rude, unless their RSVP specifically mentioned something to the effect "we can't wait to celebrate but FYI in case a game gets rescheduled last minute we may have to miss it, you know how it is"... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) I don't see that how it has any relevance that they are in 1st grade. If kids join a team activity - be that sport, or orchestra, or theatre - that is a commitment they make to the entire group, and it needs to be honored. I don't see a reason why first graders should get to blow off a prior commitment and let their team mates down, and I commend the parents for instilling good habits. If stuff gets rescheduled that is inconvenient - but such is life. ETA: Do I think 6 y/olds need to have this kind of commitment? No, I don't. But once they enter, they should stick with it. the point of an RSVP is commiting to attend. So it's just whatever commitment the parents are choosing to honor (because first graders have no agency). They should have RSVP "maybe" IMO Edited October 14, 2016 by madteaparty 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 You know who was rude? The sports organized. Rescheduling a game that requires that many kids to field a team, and with that short notice. It is hard for me to think that things would fall apart if that game was not played. What do I know, though. Maybe it was the final playoff game for the big trophy. If you have cake leftover I would be happy to help you out 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 They called - that was considerate of them! Unfortunately they couldn't help the game being rescheduled and tried to respond accordingly. I think it's just fine, though a little unfortunate and inconvenient for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Not rude. That's just how it sometimes is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) Except when games can be rescheduled to any old time and still be the first priority in a first graders life?? And it is a no-gift party. No one needs that many new toys. I know you are seriously annoyed and frustrated. Hugs to you and your daughter. This statement above is probably just out of frustration and I do sympathize but in case you aren't aware of how sports teams work, even for little people, in all likelihood the games cannot be rescheduled to just "any old time". Sports matches sometimes end up having to be rescheduled for legitimate reasons, regardless of age, and the rescheduling has to take into consideration the availability of the location and the team members and the coaches. There are almost certainly protocols for this. Whatever caused the game to be rescheduled, I seriously doubt it was random and just for kicks. They picked the time that met the rules of their organization and worked best for the circumstances overall. And the parents did let you know as soon as they knew, apparently. I seriously doubt the parents anticipated a game getting rescheduled or they probably would have let you know through their RSVP. This was probably completely unanticipated but their children made a commitment to their team. They felt the need to honor that commitment so that they wouldn't let the rest of the team down. When the game got changed, they honored the prior commitment of doing what was best for their team. I hope your daughter has a great party. Best wishes. :grouphug: Edited October 14, 2016 by OneStepAtATime 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eliz Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I don't think the parents were rude either, but once you RSVP to a party you've made a commitment there as well. I don't hold all commitments to the same priority. Maybe the game was more important, but once it was rescheduled, I would not feel the same as I would for the original date, team commitment or not. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Football games are likely to be rescheduled because of rain. Indoor sports far less likely. My kids take swimming lessons at an indoor pool at a higher cost for that reason and we have indoor soccer here too but only one location is near to us. I think it would be weird to get RSVPs saying that it is a "maybe" because games might be rescheduled. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Well, I think it's rude, unless their RSVP specifically mentioned something to the effect "we can't wait to celebrate but FYI in case a game gets rescheduled last minute we may have to miss it, you know how it is"... See, to me a classmate birthday party of this nature (my kid was invited only because the whole class had to be invited, not because they are special close friends) is low priority. I think parents who invite the whole class should expect that their kid's birthday party isn't going to be viewed as an absolute commitment regardless of whatever else happens. The RSVP was a courtesy so you would not run out of cake and lemonade. That said, there is always the possibility that something could happen in life to cause the RSVP to be changed. Kid could wake up sick, unexpectedly find out the grandparents are coming over, or other unpredictable but unsurprising stuff. Some kids will even be kept home over having sassed their parents. Therefore, no, I don't think every RSVP should come with a disclaimer "that is, unless something comes up and we can't come." It's a given. I sense that the OP and some posters just think kiddy football is stupid. That's their problem; it doesn't change birthday etiquette. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 the point of an RSVP is commiting to attend. So it's just whatever commitment the parents are choosing to honor (because first graders have no agency). They should have RSVP "maybe" IMO Well then all RSVPs should be "maybe," which isn't worth much. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Well then all RSVPs should be "maybe," which isn't worth much. Seriously, this is SOP for all my kids' high school friends. Maddening, I tell ya. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Except when games can be rescheduled to any old time and still be the first priority in a first graders life?? And it is a no-gift party. No one needs that many new toys. that has to do with sports leagues (age is irrelevant). you show up, or you're out. skipping a game becasue you have another obligation is irrelevant. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 (edited) When my kids were 7, they started soccer. They were 2 of only 8 players on the team that fall. If we missed - or even arrived late - the team would forfeit. You'd better believe we made it happen. Once we drove back in the middle of a scout campout rather than let our team down. No, soccer wasn't the most important thing in our lives, but for those 8 1-hour games we could and did make it happen. If someone was dying, we'd make an exception, but birthday parties were just not up there. Edited October 14, 2016 by SKL 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Well then all RSVPs should be "maybe," which isn't worth much. I have to agree. When someone RSVPs that they are coming they are agreeing to come because AT THAT MOMENT their schedule says it will work out. There is no way to anticipate every single possible change that might occur. It would be pointless to brainstorm every single thing that might prevent a person from actually attending. And putting a "maybe" on every RSVP because something MIGHT change that you do not have any reason to think will change right at that moment is not very helpful to anyone. Now obviously there should be priorities when someone RSVPs. If they had canceled because they got another invitation, or they decided to go shopping, or they decided they wanted a manicure instead, THAT would be rude, IMHO. They had already made a commitment to take their child to the birthday party. Those reasons would not be good enough, IMHO, to not attend. I think the issue here is that some people feel a 1st grader committing to a birthday party should take precedent over a rescheduled football game because 1st grade football is not seen as an important commitment. Regardless of whether anyone in particular feels a 1st grade football team is a more serious commitment than a birthday party, the parents obviously do feel it is a serious commitment and they are trying to honor it. I don't see that as rude. They are trying to do the right thing. There are other children that would be affected by their own children failing to attend that game. They did apparently feel bad and tried to make it right by letting the host parent know they would no longer be attending. Some people just blow it off and never say anything. I think they really were trying to make it right but they felt that the commitment to the team had to take precedent over the commitment to attend the birthday party. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I agree with the others....just an unfortunate situation. The thing of it is, as your child gets older, this will happen more often---and often without notice. We just went through a birthday party debacle recently (and it was a bit costly because of party location issues.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 And if the new rule is that a "yes" RSVP means "no matter what," then people won't RSVP until the last possible moment, and maybe not even then. If it's that big of a deal to have to change an RSVP for a classmate birthday party, well screw the stress and just RSVP "no." Is that better? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 This is 100% a sports thing. In Scouting I've noticed people will alllllllways skip Scouts for sports, even just a practice. Sports is a religion, in that the obligation to sports is above all other obligations (including RSVPs). The people who said they would come and then didn't should give a card at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 When my kids were in sports we would sometimes have people want us to commit before the party was scheduled so they could be sure we could be there. I would have to tell them there was basically no time we could guarantee our attendance. Even if we committed in advance there was always a possibility of a schedule change. In fact, my own children could never have parties because their birthdays were in season and they couldn't even miss a game for their own party. It is just the way it is. People are busy and activities are highly organized and carry a commitment. A little grace. I have found that the vast majority of people really are doing their best and not just determined to be jerks. I did get to just refusing all invites because something might come up. I am sure people thought I was a jerk for that too. Looks pretty jerky to not attend parties just because something might come up. Can't win. I am glad our sports days are behind us! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 This is 100% a sports thing. In Scouting I've noticed people will alllllllways skip Scouts for sports, even just a practice. Sports is a religion, in that the obligation to sports is above all other obligations (including RSVPs). The people who said they would come and then didn't should give a card at least. That might be regional. :P I've skipped sports practice for lots of reasons, and scouts usually win over sports (even games when our presence isn't critical). What I won't skip (without a very good reason) is my kid's gymnastics performance class. Her position on the team is unique. That said, we'll probably skip the performance that falls on my other kid's birthday, which may make for a sticky situation. :/ I don't recall ever breaking a party RSVP, but if I did, I'd still give a card / gift to recognize that the parents held my spot, likely at some cost to them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 This is 100% a sports thing. In Scouting I've noticed people will alllllllways skip Scouts for sports, even just a practice. Sports is a religion, in that the obligation to sports is above all other obligations (including RSVPs). The people who said they would come and then didn't should give a card at least. My kids could never do scouts or any other activity that they would inconvenience others because of sports. They picked sports as their one commitment. Anything else had to be more low key come as you are able (church youth group is like this for us). However, I would not say it is limited to sports. I have friends I can't make plans with because I never know when they will have rehearsal for Nutcracker. One of my ds was in a play and he could not miss a rehearsal. I have known kids in orchestra and that was a priority. So it is not just sports but also other things that really depend on everyone being there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Well then all RSVPs should be "maybe," which isn't worth much. Not all. Just for people who cancel day before the party and not because grandma died or something. I've given up expecting RSVPs for my parties because as you can clearly tell, they mean nothing. What I do is poll a subset core group of people I really want there (before setting the date) and if the date works for enough people on the subgroup, I set the date and the invite goes out. We had only a handful of people for my DD's 5th but it was fine because the adults got to go nuts at the bounce house we rented... ;) and the core group was there so it wasn't sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.