s/o Surviving as a Homeschooling INTJ Mom

[JumpyTheFrog]

There has to be a more effective strategy than hiding in the bathroom on and off all day.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't think there is, unless you count hiding in the bedroom eating the chocolate you have stashed in your underwear drawer.

[fdrinca]

I fold laundry. The kids know if they come in to bother me, they have to fold too. 

 

Seriously, though, I am right there with you. 

 

My kids are too little for me to really tell if they are introverts or extroverts, but I do know they are crazy kinetic, so even if they are having some "quiet time" with a book or art project, they are moving and making noise. 

 

And while I don't like to confess this: screens.

[bolt.]

Audiobooks or podcasts, and headphones (for me) often worn enough hours of the day to actually make my ears hurt. I always listen low enough that I can hear generally the kids, but they know to start talking, wait for me to pause my story, then continue when I indicate that they have my attention.

 

Also, we do afternoon quiet time / alone time,

 

And my kids know the difference between 'quiet' and 'silent'. I call for silence occasionally, and usually get it.

[Bluegoat]

My husband is INTJ.  When he is home with the kids all day and wants alone time, he sends them all to do something else.

 

Since he is great at being consistant in his expectations, they do it.

[Xahm]

I don't think there is, unless you count hiding in the bedroom eating the chocolate you have stashed in your underwear drawer.

I am an INTJ with 2 little ones with me ALL THE TIME. I keep chocolate in my underwear drawer, too! Is this a thing? I thought it was just me. I strategize a lot about ways to sneak that chocolate and to sneak in moments when no one is touching me. I would hate to lose their cuddles and kisses, but breaks are vital!

[happypamama]

Can I join this discussion?  INTJ is the only I-J combo that I really can't quite be, but I identify with you all very much!

 

My strategy, which probably isn't a great one, involves staying up late.  I'm a natural night owl, and I will stay up way too late in order to have time just to read, knit, watch TV, waste time hanging out online, and sometimes just cleaning the kitchen.  This is especially not a great strategy because my husband gets up between 5 and 6 most days for work, so our day really ought to start earlier in order to mesh better with his, but sometimes I need that quiet alone time.

[happypamama]

Also, my theory is that everything can be conquered with a well-planned OneNote list with tidy titles and nice little checkboxes.  So whenever I feel overwhelmed, I make lists.  

[Guest]

I don't think there is, unless you count hiding in the bedroom eating the chocolate you have stashed in your underwear drawer.

Ha! Is there a camera in here?

[Guest]

There has to be a more effective strategy than hiding in the bathroom on and off all day.

Tell me if you find one!

[amsunshine]

My dds are older now, but when they were younger, we had mandatory quiet reading/rest time in the afternoons.  It was absolutely necessary to save my sanity, and really, I was so relieved that SWB actually recommended it in WTM.  I still have mommy rest/retreat time in the afternoons for 30-60 mins (depending on the day, when dds are on autopilot doing their work.  

 

Also, I've found that routine, routine, routine, even now -- is essential.  Especially because our schedule is so busy now with dance in the late afternoons/evenings, a routine helps us all stay sane.  No screens, unless it's for a scheduled educational activity (my younger is taking an online Java course, and they both do regular Khan Academy practice for SAT.)  Chores are part of our day -- dds have dishwasher duty everyday, and are expected to do their own laundry. I started teaching them simple chores, including laundry, when they were 7-8 and it has made our lives so much easier.  Sundays are house cleaning days with everyone expected to take part.  

 

These are the things that help me, anyway.

[Garga]

My chocolate is hidden behind the hand towels in the tall cupboard in the bathroom. No one ever changes the hand towels except for me.

 

I also stay up too late like Happypamamma.

 

I had a bad moment yesterday. DH was supposed to work super late and wouldn't be home until 10. I got the kids to bed at 8:45. I had been waiting for my hour of alone time for the past week and was all ready to settle down to some Netflix on the couch.

 

And at 8:46, I kid you not, my dh walked in the door early. Before I could stop myself I blurted out, "Oh no! My alone time is ruined!" and immediately felt like a heel. Thankfully DH didn't get offended, though I'm not sure how not. I guess he's just used to me by now. Poor guy.

 

I actually cried the year that he got sick during VBS week. I had waited an entire year for both boys to be old enough to leave at VBS so I'd get 4 hours every day for a week alone in the house. And that Monday he got sick and was home for Monday and Tuesday.

 

So I waited for 51 weeks to go by for the next VBS to hit, (without a single hour alone for a YEAR) when I'd finally have those rare 20 hours alone in the house. Only to find that that he scheduled himself to work from home for two of the days. What? He never works from home! If I hadn't lived it, I'd have never believed it.

 

ETA: It sounds like I don't like being with DH. I do like being with him! Honest! But I also need that time alone without being on alert that someone needs something from me. I'm hoping you all understand where I'm coming from. It's just such a rare thing that when it's unexpectedly taken away I'm left reeling.

Edited May 4, 2016 by Garga

[foxbridgeacademy]

I used to give the kids the chocolate as a bribe to go away for 10 stinkin' minutes :leaving: .  I'm lucky they are so well behaved.  We're all pretty much Introverts here so that helps, a lot.

[Seasider]

I also stay up late, have transitioned them to independent work at young ages, and resort to lists. I also think copious read aloud time helps; even though we're all together, it's only my voice. Does that make sense?

[Ausmumof3]

I don't think there is, unless you count hiding in the bedroom eating the chocolate you have stashed in your underwear drawer.

Which is a good idea till you hit the middle of an Aussie summer...!

[fdrinca]

I also stay up late, have transitioned them to independent work at young ages, and resort to lists. I also think copious read aloud time helps; even though we're all together, it's only my voice. Does that make sense?

Read aloud time is very restorative now that we do it at the table with coloring materials. On the sofa there was too much jockeying for position and starting and stopping (drinks, bathroom, snacks). Now I can keep on reading while kids do all of these tasks.

 

I did have to stop in the middle of a chapter today - baby diaper. I am still twitchy about it.

[JumpyTheFrog]

DH is an introvert and DS2 seems to be one. DS1 is a big E: loud, energetic, intense, and also careless and emotionally unstable. Having him around feels like having a couple extra kids sometimes.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I hate reading aloud it takes too long.

[Anne in CA]

All three of my kids are introverts and when we home schooled they tended to amuse themselves once school work was done and I got some peace. After dinner dh used to supervise them cleaning up and I went and lounged in the living room while they cleaned up and then they all watched TV together and I had even more time along. It was a good run.

[JumpyTheFrog]

How do you all deal with feeling like homeschooling and having kids has put your life on hold? One of my fears is that after my youngest is finally an adult that my parents or inlaws will need care and I will be put "back into stasis" while taking care of them. Plus DH's special needs brother will likely need to live with or near us someday.

[Ravin]

I work 4 hours from home. I am on call by text, and DD and I have lesson time on Google Hangouts at my lunch break 3x/week. Other than that, well, my time is my own after work M-Th. On the weekends I get zero alone time, as DS cosleeps with me and both kids get concentrated doses of cuddles and attention. And also math.

Edited May 4, 2016 by Ravin

[mamiof5]

Why? The bathroom is a wonderful place! I check the board, check my email, place online orders...it's a very productive place :)

ETA: staying up late... ugh! Bad habit. I always have something to do. I really could use some more sleep..

Edited May 4, 2016 by mamiof5

[Rosie_0801]

Which is a good idea till you hit the middle of an Aussie summer...!

 

M&Ms melt in the mouth, not in the packet.

 

As long as you wipe your mouth and fingers, so they don't notice the dye rubbing off, you should be fine. :p

 

 

 

I have a seasonal chocolate stash here.

[Carrie12345]

How do you all deal with feeling like homeschooling and having kids has put your life on hold? One of my fears is that after my youngest is finally an adult that my parents or inlaws will need care and I will be put "back into stasis" while taking care of them. Plus DH's special needs brother will likely need to live with or near us someday.

 

Interesting question that probably goes way beyond MB type.  I was just thinking about this the other day, actually!

 

My first child was born in 1998 (when I was 21) and my last will turn 18 in December of 2028 (when I will be far from 21.)  We began homeschooling in 2007.  If I were to allow myself to consider homeschooling and/or parenting "putting my life on hold", I'm pretty confident I would be a complete mess at this point.  This IS my life.  This is my job.  Whatever comes after isn't going to be my "real" life, just the next part of my life, very much the same way it is for people who make big career changes or moves in mid-life. Or, um, slightly later.

 

One thing I do frequently is make charts with the kids' and my ages while I ponder that next part and what I could/should be doing at different points to prepare for it.  So there's the INTJ influence, lol.

[creekland]

Empty nesting helps considerably.   :coolgleamA:

 

Before that stage (and now) I cherish my early morning times when it's just me and the cats.  Once in a while I forget to let the cats in.

 

And I'm glad I have a superb hubby who considered the nuts and bolts of parenting (diapers, baths, meals, clean ups, reading times) to be as much his job as it was mine.

 

It also really helped when I got my part time job at school.  While that's not alone time (often), it's very much some me time.  And there are times (like right now) when I have a class in, but they're doing their own projects on computers and need absolutely no supervision once attendance was taken.  That's pretty much close to alone time within me time.  Unfortunately, it's not what my mind needs right now  :glare: , but it still fits this topic.

[Gentlemommy]

Fellow INTJ here. So happy to have found my tribe lol. Everything you all have written about coping, homeschooling, and life in general strikes a chord with me. Especially the waiting and wanting efficiency part. I hate wasting time.

My kids are 5, 8, and 11, and are actually pretty good about respecting my space and need for quiet. We get school done rather quickly, and then I kick them all out to play. I put a podcast on and clean up, or read, or crochet. And I use screens. Everyone gets half hour during the day and half hour before bed. 😳 I know that's terrible, right before bed, but by that time I am dead tired. After reading to them for an hour, I need them to just stay put in their rooms. Having half hour of screen time makes that happen.

I've also found that although *I* am happiest staying home, we all do better with a full extra curricular schedule. My girls are all heavily involved in gymnastics, and go between 3-9 hours a week. While I hate driving them, I do like that I can veg in the lobby for a while. And doing all that exercising tires them out, which makes bedtime go much better. 😉

I have one I and two E's. My E kids get along fabulously most of the time, and spend hours playing crazy games together. My oldest is so much like me, I wouldn't be surprised if she was also an INTJ. She spends about three hours per day reading. Another hour or two listening to audio books and crafting.

I'm looking forward to reading how others handle homeschooling, living with little people, and life in general.

[fairfarmhand]

It does get a bit easier when they are old enough to drop off at activities without mom sticking around.

 

I go running. Nobody wants to do that.

 

Also, mowing the grass is very solitary.

 

Somehow, two very introverted parents for 3 extroverts out of 4 kids. What was that?

 

Also, I found that inviting other kids over (depending on the kids) helps. They can hang out and play and I hide. Each kid needs a buddy and they have to be the right kids. Some kids want to hang out with me and chat and that doesn't work. Most of them though prefer to play with my kids.

[TammyS]

My chocolate is hidden behind the hand towels in the tall cupboard in the bathroom. No one ever changes the hand towels except for me.

 

I also stay up too late like Happypamamma.

 

I had a bad moment yesterday. DH was supposed to work super late and wouldn't be home until 10. I got the kids to bed at 8:45. I had been waiting for my hour of alone time for the past week and was all ready to settle down to some Netflix on the couch.

 

And at 8:46, I kid you not, my dh walked in the door early. Before I could stop myself I blurted out, "Oh no! My alone time is ruined!" and immediately felt like a heel. Thankfully DH didn't get offended, though I'm not sure how not. I guess he's just used to me by now. Poor guy.

 

I actually cried the year that he got sick during VBS week. I had waited an entire year for both boys to be old enough to leave at VBS so I'd get 4 hours every day for a week alone in the house. And that Monday he got sick and was home for Monday and Tuesday.

 

So I waited for 51 weeks to go by for the next VBS to hit, (without a single hour alone for a YEAR) when I'd finally have those rare 20 hours alone in the house. Only to find that that he scheduled himself to work from home for two of the days. What? He never works from home! If I hadn't lived it, I'd have never believed it.

 

ETA: It sounds like I don't like being with DH. I do like being with him! Honest! But I also need that time alone without being on alert that someone needs something from me. I'm hoping you all understand where I'm coming from. It's just such a rare thing that when it's unexpectedly taken away I'm left reeling.

 

I totally understand.  Totally.  I would have cried, too, and I'm not a crier.

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

How do you all deal with feeling like homeschooling and having kids has put your life on hold? One of my fears is that after my youngest is finally an adult that my parents or inlaws will need care and I will be put "back into stasis" while taking care of them. Plus DH's special needs brother will likely need to live with or near us someday.

 

I understand what you mean.

 

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

 

I remember when my kids were small it seemed like forever before I could go back to what made me "me" and not just being mommy.

 

I promise it gets better. My youngest is 8 and I am slowly able to do a few fun things just for me. Build those relationships when they are little.

 

When they get old enough, carve out a tiny bit of time for you to pursue your own personal goals.

 

When it's time for elder care, do the same.

 

I think the important thing to remember is that you do need a tiny slot to enjoy being yourself, even in the midst of caring for littles, bigs and elders.

[Ausmumof3]

M&Ms melt in the mouth, not in the packet.

 

As long as you wipe your mouth and fingers, so they don't notice the dye rubbing off, you should be fine. :p

 

 

 

I have a seasonal chocolate stash here.

Thanks... Might file this in best homeschool tips ever!

 

Mine were the nestle choc chips which are supposed to hold shape in the oven... Oops

Edited May 4, 2016 by Ausmumof3

[BarbecueMom]

I know a lot of people swear by strict bedtimes and quiet times, but it was setting us up for failure by being that specific. I still have to make plans and schedules and routines, but I make them bigger and let the kids fold into my day, rather than micromanage theirs.

 

So, I put checklists on whiteboards of what they need to get done between 8:00AM and whenever we have to leave the house (or 5:00ishPM if we are staying home). Bedtime depends on our day's schedule, not a set time every day without exception. I plan out the order in my head of what I need to do, and plan to stop to help with school work or piano practice as needed. It does make the back of my head tingle a bit to do this, but I'd rather have the less secure plan that actually gets done versus my tendency to section off times for subjects and quiet times and get irrationally upset when the plan explodes in my face. There tends to be points within the day where all three of them are occupied, and as long as I recognize it and take advantage of it and PLAN loosely for those times, I can accept it. I'm still working on that.

 

Of course, the kids are the wild card in this. Some wouldn't be able to manage their own time. Mine are still learning, but my 7yo (very likely also an INTJ or ISTJ) has 2.5-3 hours of checklist to do over 9 hours, and he does fine with reminders and gentle urging and adores checklists. Some kids... just won't.

 

When I need to get my fill of planning specifics, I work on the budget and house renovation plans. Someday I'll add self-education to the list, but I have my hands full with this blasted house right now.

[OhanaBee]

I had mandatory rest time for the kids every afternoon from 1-3.  I told them they didn't need to nap, but they did need to be in their rooms doing something quiet.  Since two of my children are IN-somethings, it worked really well with them [hence the reason they shared a room].  For my extroverted daughter it was sheer torture.  But, being the dictator that I am, I enforced it every afternoon possible.  It was needed to maintain my sanity.

 

I also had hidden chocolate.  Everyone knew the bottom drawer in the fridge was MINE and no one was to take anything from it. 

 

As the girls got older, things got a lot better.  They knew and liked the routine [did I mention two of them being IN-somethings?]  The downside is that I had to make sure that any deviation from the routine was shared well in advance of the event.

 

My oldest now has a household of her own and an active three year old.  She has started the mandatory rest time with her child to save her own sanity.  I suspect she has also taken over the bottom drawer of her fridge.

 

Checklists were a big help, though when the kids were older I did away with them to keep the peace.  Apparently some teenagers resent the fact that you think they don't know what to do! :glare:  

 

Alone time.  Preserve your alone time!! 

 

 

Edited May 4, 2016 by OhanaBee

[Joules]

TV and audiobooks when he was little.  I hit the jackpot in that my one ds is also INTJ, so once he got older, we just mostly co-exist in the same space.

 

ETA: Oh, and frequent visits to Grandma's house when she was still alive!

Edited May 4, 2016 by Joules

[lllll]

nm

Edited May 17, 2016 by _ ?^..

[Miss Peregrine]

My kids can all hear the wrappers of my chocolate. I need another plan.

[PeachyDoodle]

We have never yet given up naptime (kids are 5 and almost 11!) and we never will, if I have anything to say about it. Now dd does schoolwork in her room, while ds plays. He has a bad habit of coming out every 15-20 minutes to see if quiet time is over, so I've started making him lie down in his bed when he does that. It usually takes about 30 seconds before he's promising not to come out again if I let him get up... so that usually works.

 

We also kick the kids out of the living room at 8pm, on the dot, no exceptions. They don't have to go to sleep (well, ds usually goes to bed then), but they can't be in here with us. DH and I have gotten really good at being "alone together" so I don't mind him being around. And sometimes it's not that I need NO conversation; I just need ADULT conversation. Evenings are our time to catch up, or ignore each other -- whichever we need at the moment.

 

I am lucky in that dd is a very independent worker. She has done a lot of her schoolwork with minimal supervision since we started homeschooling in the 3rd grade. But ds is going to be more of a challenge. Hoping to ease into things with kindy and work my way up to spending several hours a day at his elbow. Yikes!

 

Anybody else drive themselves to the brink of insanity thinking of ways to make school better/more efficient/etc.?? 'Cause that's when I have to pull out the chocolate...

[indigomama]

My kids can all hear the wrappers of my chocolate. I need another plan.

 

Mine can smell it!

 

Seriously, every time I try and sneak a piece from my stash, two of my kids come in the room sniffing, "Mom, I smell chocolate!" I need chocolate with less scent :)

[Entropymama]

Interesting question that probably goes way beyond MB type.  I was just thinking about this the other day, actually!

 

My first child was born in 1998 (when I was 21) and my last will turn 18 in December of 2028 (when I will be far from 21.)  We began homeschooling in 2007.  If I were to allow myself to consider homeschooling and/or parenting "putting my life on hold", I'm pretty confident I would be a complete mess at this point.  This IS my life.  This is my job.  Whatever comes after isn't going to be my "real" life, just the next part of my life, very much the same way it is for people who make big career changes or moves in mid-life. Or, um, slightly later.

 

One thing I do frequently is make charts with the kids' and my ages while I ponder that next part and what I could/should be doing at different points to prepare for it.  So there's the INTJ influence, lol.

 

This is so me. There was a point when I would have been 42 when my youngest graduated. Then we decide to have more kids, and I would have been 47. Then we had one more and now I'll be 51. I think it's why the last few years have been so rough. It was one thing to be patient with the spilled milk and tears over multiplication when I knew it was only a few years. I can't seem to get to the 'this is my life and job' stage. I always wanted to go back to college and have a career, but who wants to hire a 55 year old? It feels like the death of a dream and makes it very hard to be joyful when I'm drowning in Cheerios and Saxon. 

 

 

My kids can all hear the wrappers of my chocolate. I need another plan.

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

But seriously, me too. Especially now that I have an 8th grader in school. I get up at 5:30 so that I can have an hour to be alone and take a shower, but even that hour is full of getting ready for the day and making her lunch. By 6:30 everyone is up and it's breakfast, school, chores, being with children all day. They littles start going to bed at 7, but we have progressive bedtimes at 7, 8, 8:30 and 9:30. And when the littles are in bed,  I do homework with the 8th grader. That's really getting to me - I already did school all day! She finally goes to bed between 9:30 and 10, and there is usually still laundry or other chores to finish, plus DH wants time.. I'm getting to bed around 11 lately and it's not going well. I feel like my brain is fried. 

 

Great thread idea, Hoppy. I had no idea I wasn't alone. I don't know any INTJ homeschoolers IRL (although I must, now that I see the pattern). Although most of the homeschoolers I know only have  young kids.. 80% bail at middle school. 

[73349]

My kids can all hear the wrappers of my chocolate. I need another plan.

 

Unwrap all your chocolate and store it in a jar/canister? Maybe something opaque?

 

 

Quiet Time is part of every day here.

 

It is so, so nice when a kid gets to be old enough to want to look at library books quietly first thing in the morning, instead of asking me three hundred questions before breakfast! And he can go out in the yard unsupervised now. We've gotten past the point of needing screen time every afternoon so that there is input from something besides me; now it's just one day a week.

 

Orderly multicolored spreadsheet linked in my signature; I make a custom wall calendar also. :cool:

[EKS]

Alcohol.  Only joking...sort of.

Edited May 4, 2016 by EKS

[prairiewindmomma]

I have a mini fridge for my chocolate and diet pepsi. The children have all been trained to leave my stuff alone.  In fact, my oldest sometimes tells me to go to my room and chill out because he and I have been at this homeschooling gig for a while together and the three year old does not yet know that when I tell everyone to be quiet, I really, really mean it.

 

1. Protect your me time.

2. Buy yourself post-it notes and pens you like.

3. Invest in headphones.

4. Protect your "you" time.  Dh shoves me out the door once a week for a few hours because I need it.

 

I have staggered wakeup times for the kids based on their natural wakeup times so I'm blessed to not have to deal with all of their morning grumpiness at once.

[Carrie12345]

 I can't seem to get to the 'this is my life and job' stage. I always wanted to go back to college and have a career, but who wants to hire a 55 year old? It feels like the death of a dream and makes it very hard to be joyful when I'm drowning in Cheerios and Saxon. 

 

 

 

Nanananannana! I can't hear you!!!  :willy_nilly:

 

My current goal is to take a half million years to get an undergraduate and then possibly consider taking another half million to go to graduate school.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I think for me the "holding pattern" is made worse by my chronic health problems. I spent two years on the couch, unable to drive even. Although I am much better than that now, I am unable to move my bedtime and wakeup time earlier and it means that by the time I have booted up for the morning, the boys have had 2 hours to cause chaos. So I start the day behind and putting out fires. If I could shift my sleep time by 1-2 hours, life would be so much smoother. But after ten years of insomnia, I have been unable to change it.

[RKWAcademy]

Afternoon quiet time is my only solution.  We had nap time (best time of the day ever) but let it slide when they outgrew naps.  I recently re-introduced it as quiet time.  It's magical.  If they come out of their rooms, yell for me, fight, or in any way disturb the peace during the hour, their time starts over.  It took one day for the complaining to stop.  I just wish I could bring myself to make it two hours :001_smile:

[foxbridgeacademy]

Interesting question that probably goes way beyond MB type.  I was just thinking about this the other day, actually!

 

My first child was born in 1998 (when I was 21) and my last will turn 18 in December of 2028 (when I will be far from 21.)  We began homeschooling in 2007.  If I were to allow myself to consider homeschooling and/or parenting "putting my life on hold", I'm pretty confident I would be a complete mess at this point.  This IS my life.  This is my job.  Whatever comes after isn't going to be my "real" life, just the next part of my life, very much the same way it is for people who make big career changes or moves in mid-life. Or, um, slightly later.

 

One thing I do frequently is make charts with the kids' and my ages while I ponder that next part and what I could/should be doing at different points to prepare for it.  So there's the INTJ influence, lol.

:iagree: That's what I realized too and it made everything so much better. I LOVE being a SAHM, I love spending time with my family.  So much that I don't want to do anything else.  I'm hoping by the time I get the youngest launched (she wants to be a theater major..... it may be awhile for launching) the older will be thinking marriage/kids. Then I can be a stay at home grandma/babysitter.  

[JoJosMom]

You mean there are people who DON'T hide out and eat chocolate? And make lists? And force mandatory naps/reading time for years and years? I've never met these people. Of course, if I got out more, I probably would have!

 

I managed to get out of an extra Scout meeting on Sunday, went home sick from yesterday's Scout meeting, managed to make it through tonight's (because I'm chair), have to make it through recital and providing refreshments tomorrow night, then drive howling puppies an hour and half on Thursday, get through another recital and refreshments on Friday, and then do a rodeo on Saturday! I will not leave my room on Sunday... 

 

Those people are stupid.  We don't have to listen to them.  (JK.  Sort of.)

[JoJosMom]

Alcohol.  Only joking...sort of.

 

When I was young, slim, and reasonably attractive I never drank. Ever.

 

Now, my motto is, "If DD survives to 5 p.m., I get a glass of wine."

[JoJosMom]

LALALALALA...I can't hear you as I have my hands over my ears!

 

Here's a question for you all--why is being an extrovert considered morally superior? Why are folks who are NOT the life of the party considered backwards? We prejoratively label children "shy", but "brash" is not seen that way?

 

 

Signed, 

 

INTJ who is quite fine with being an *I*. 

 

They're jealous.  Deep in their empty, black little hearts they've always known that we're the cool kids.

[hopskipjump]

I also stay up too late like Happypamamma.

 

I had a bad moment yesterday. DH was supposed to work super late and wouldn't be home until 10. I got the kids to bed at 8:45. I had been waiting for my hour of alone time for the past week and was all ready to settle down to some Netflix on the couch.

 

And at 8:46, I kid you not, my dh walked in the door early. Before I could stop myself I blurted out, "Oh no! My alone time is ruined!" and immediately felt like a heel. Thankfully DH didn't get offended, though I'm not sure how not. I guess he's just used to me by now. Poor guy.

 

I actually cried the year that he got sick during VBS week. I had waited an entire year for both boys to be old enough to leave at VBS so I'd get 4 hours every day for a week alone in the house. And that Monday he got sick and was home for Monday and Tuesday.

 

So I waited for 51 weeks to go by for the next VBS to hit, (without a single hour alone for a YEAR) when I'd finally have those rare 20 hours alone in the house. Only to find that that he scheduled himself to work from home for two of the days. What? He never works from home! If I hadn't lived it, I'd have never believed it.

 

ETA: It sounds like I don't like being with DH. I do like being with him! Honest! But I also need that time alone without being on alert that someone needs something from me. I'm hoping you all understand where I'm coming from. It's just such a rare thing that when it's unexpectedly taken away I'm left reeling.

 

I think this is the first time I have ever read my own words coming out of someone else's mouth (errr, typed words...). I have had this same despair - and it's REAL! I love dh dearly and I love spending time with the man... but when he just POPS in unexpectedly, I have very unbecoming reactions. :/ And I feel badly about that (who wants to be greeted with a scowl?). But... I need a heads-up for coming home earlier-than-expected & dh just can't wrap his mind around that need being a NEED.

 

DH USED to take the kids with him to visit his family. They would be gone for a GLORIOUS 4 days usually - they bike, they hike, they swim... they have an amazing time. *I* have an amazing time at home - a silent, still home, sleeping when I want and recharging my batteries. DH would usually be too busy to call me until verylast thing at night, and all the kids would talk to me for a few minutes before heading to bed. It was blissful.

 

The last time they did this? They ALL HAD SMARTPHONES. AND THEY TEXTED ME ALL THE BLASTED TIME! :banghead:  Pictures, questions, nonsense. My phone was going off ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I tried to take it in good stride, but was inwardly pretty disgruntled by the time they got back (texting me the entire drive home...). THEY got to have THEIR fun vacation... but I felt robbed of mine. But also felt incredibly selfish to complain about it, so I was just inwardly incredibly frustrated.

 

They haven't been able to schedule another week away in a couple of years, and I haven't tried to push it.

 

(It's hard for dh to see that time as anything other than his LEAVING ME deserted at home while he went on a fun family vacation. HE felt GUILTY about it even though I tried to convince him that I was HAPPY To send them off on a fun adventure while I stayed home to relax. So, when he was texting me, along with the kids, he was TRYING to include me in their adventures! Hence the eleven-million pictures of every freaking little thing they saw. I just don't know how else to explain to the man that I was perfectly content being at home all alone! lol Sweet, but ARGH!!

We also usually have a big, fun evening when they return from the trip where everyone talks all at once, telling me everything they got to do! I did NOT have the patience to sit and listen to it all over again (since I already KNEW every tiny thing they'd done!), so everyone got to unpack and start laundry instead. lol Cranky mom/wife! I hadn't gotten any time to unwind, and thus couldn't tolerate four people all babbling about stuff I already knew! :o )

 

I also stay up late. It's my sanity time and it has been thus since the kids were little.

 

And I love my family ferociously & genuinely love their company. I give 110% of myself to them when I'm "on my shift" - but 24/7 is just too much. I'm not an early bird, so it's late nights for me. Sometimes doing absolutely nothing except sitting in my living room recharging on the silence and mentally working through my day.

Edited May 5, 2016 by hopskipjump

[happypamama]

Hopskipjump, I totally would have felt the same way! If they do that trip again, I would have a sit-down talk with your DH beforehand and explain it from your perspective and have him get the kids to save their pictures and everything so they can show you in person.