s/o Surviving as a Homeschooling INTJ Mom

[TammyS]

I go on a silent retreat every year, if I can. 3 days of no one talking at all, except the monks at mass.  Beautiful and quiet.  I haven't been in a couple of years, and I'm feeling the burn.

[BarbecueMom]

So DH went back to work today after being home for almost six months due to an injury and surgery.

 

I love him. I love spending time with him.

 

But I'm half tempted to put an educational movie on for the kids, lay across the entire king-sized bed, and stare at the ceiling fan for three hours. I swore I heard his work phone ringing earlier and realized it's just in my head.

[Professormom]

How do you all deal with feeling like homeschooling and having kids has put your life on hold? One of my fears is that after my youngest is finally an adult that my parents or inlaws will need care and I will be put "back into stasis" while taking care of them. Plus DH's special needs brother will likely need to live with or near us someday.

I so understand this feeling!

 

I :wub: this thread.

[Squawky Acres]

It took me so long to understand this need for alone time.  I am such a fun, patient, loving mother when I come back from a break.  After a morning of teaching three students while wrangling a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old . . . not so much.  It is a constant struggle, but so freeing to realize that it is not so much a moral shortcoming as it is just the way my mind works.  I loved being a nursing mother.  It was such a wonderful excuse to retreat to a quiet room no matter what else was going on.  It didn't work so well at home, of course, but was so helpful when we were out and I needed to be alone.

 

Now, I sometimes retreat to my room to play violin.  Nothing says DO NOT DISTURB like a rapid, angry, clipped Vivaldi concerto.

[Critterfixer]

I'm working hard at this time to extend my two hour writing period to three. I don't know if I'm going to get it or not, but I do so love being able to point to my writing sign as a signal that I am not available to chat.

 

The sign says "If it isn't about blood, fire or mortal peril, I don't want to hear about it!"  :D And the boys know I mean it.

 

Actually, I'm pretty lucky. I married an introvert, gave birth to two introverted children and live in Introvert Nirvana. And all four of us have different ways of getting our "alone" time. DH goes and mows something. One son walks up and down the road, working out dialog for his stories by himself. One child builds things out in the chicken pen. And I usually jam some headphones on and I try to write for two hours straight per day. Good times.

[tex-bex]

Oh, wow, you are all my people!!!

 

I get so mad when DH comes home early unexpectedly. Dude, just text me so I know!!!

 

I have one extrovert who never, ever stops talking or making noise, and one introvert who never, ever stops moving. They wear me out on the daily.

 

I stay up way too late every night, just to be alone and knowing that nobody will need something or make noise or talk to me.

[fairfarmhand]

I'm working hard at this time to extend my two hour writing period to three. I don't know if I'm going to get it or not, but I do so love being able to point to my writing sign as a signal that I am not available to chat.

 

The sign says "If it isn't about blood, fire or mortal peril, I don't want to hear about it!"  :D And the boys know I mean it.

 

Actually, I'm pretty lucky. I married an introvert, gave birth to two introverted children and live in Introvert Nirvana. And all four of us have different ways of getting our "alone" time. DH goes and mows something. One son walks up and down the road, working out dialog for his stories by himself. One child builds things out in the chicken pen. And I usually jam some headphones on and I try to write for two hours straight per day. Good times.

 

I could cry.  God thought it would be funny or something to give me these kids who never. stop. talking.

[Critterfixer]

 

I could cry.  God thought it would be funny or something to give me these kids who never. stop. talking.

 

Believe me, I know how lucky I am.

 

ETA: I think I have one INJ and an ISJ. DH is ISTJ.

Of course you can see the obvious potential problems. A whole lot of judging and not a lot of feeling going on.  :laugh:

Edited May 7, 2016 by Critterfixer

[Professormom]

Believe me, I know how lucky I am.

 

ETA: I think I have one INJ and an ISJ. DH is ISTJ.

Of course you can see the obvious potential problems. A whole lot of judging and not a lot of feeling going on. :laugh:

I was just talking to the kids about the need to develop your feeling side if you lean more thinking or they will end up like me :lol: Seriously, though, we have two thinkers and two feelers, strong on each. I realized the other day that the phrase, "I feel..." is almost never used by my kids. I told Dh I have no idea what to do about this. I have stretched myself so much to be able to better engage with my F friends. But, man, my mind just does.not.go.there most of the time.

 

But, I also don't want to raise them into grown men who are flummoxed at the fact that their wives may actually want to talk about her feelings (unlike their mother;-)

 

Maybe it is because I tend to run away and hide in a different room just as we are completing academics for the day :lol:

Edited May 7, 2016 by Professormom

[JumpyTheFrog]

My oldest seems to be an ENTJ. My youngest seems to be an I and a P. I'm not sure about the N vs S yet. He is definitely more S than my head-in-the-clouds oldest. I think he might be an F, or maybe it just seems that way in contrast to his overbearing brother.

 

My oldest makes three times the noise as the rest of us combined.

[brynndolyn]

I change between F and T depending on the day, I'm pretty close to equal in those. We definitely have quiet time every day. I feel pretty guilty about it buuuut I figure it's better than the alternative (a stark raving lunatic mother!).

 

So here's what is driving me crazy lately. The questions. One kid asks a question, which is answered by me. One minute later, another child comes along and asks the same question. At this point I may get the same question asked 4 times in the same ten minutes! And with kids in various parts of the house they didn't overhear when I answered the question the first time so it's not like I can just say "sorry, I already answered that question!" That and the hypothetical questions which are never ending. "Mommy, what would happen if we ate only grass? Mommy, do you think someone would ever (insert odd and irrelevant question here, such as eat pizza on the moon or kill a million mosquitos at once etc.)?" Followed up by related, yet also very strange, questions based on whatever my answer was. "Well what if they were REALLY hungry? What if there was a Little Ceasar's on the moon and they could just go there and get some? Do you think we could ever live on the moon?" Aaaahhhhh!

 

So this is why we have quiet time. :D

 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[JumpyTheFrog]

When my oldest was two, he would machine gun questions at me. My youngest never did that.

[rebcoola]

Not always but often I sit in my car and read a book while my girls are in gymnastics. 

[JumpyTheFrog]

So I spent some more time reading descriptions. The ENTJ descriptions fit Tigger very well. The ISFP descriptions seem to fit Little Guy pretty well, although it is harder to tell at his age. No wonder there is so much chaos here! I often feel like they are complete opposites in many ways.

 

This makes me even more convinced we need to find ways to stop Tigger from dominating Little Guy.

[Entropymama]

LALALALALA...I can't hear you as I have my hands over my ears!

 

Here's a question for you all--why is being an extrovert considered morally superior? Why are folks who are NOT the life of the party considered backwards? We prejoratively label children "shy", but "brash" is not seen that way?

 

 

Signed, 

 

INTJ who is quite fine with being an *I*. 

 

I actually think this is changing. I see a lot of morally superior quotes on Facebook about being an introvert. 

 

I go on a silent retreat every year, if I can. 3 days of no one talking at all, except the monks at mass.  Beautiful and quiet.  I haven't been in a couple of years, and I'm feeling the burn.

 

 

This sounds amazing. I need to find out if there's one in my area. 

[BooksandBoys]

I could cry. God thought it would be funny or something to give me these kids who never. stop. talking.

I do cry. If my oldest isn't talking, he's making noises. The youngest is a nonstop talker too, and the middle guy, while not talking all the time, throws regular, epic tantrums.

 

And not a one of them will give me the two seconds I need to think about and say the answer to their question before asking it again, rendering me brain dead once again because I need two seconds to consider the answer, but before those two seconds actually pass, they've asked the question AGAIN! Then, they switch to whining/wailing because I haven't answered their questions, so I still can't form the answer to the question. 😩

I dream of silence. I still remember the Morher's Day three years ago when my husband took the two boys (I was pregnant with the third) out of the house for four blissful hours. It hasn't happened since (he's very introverted too and finds taking the boys out to be impossible). This year, as we continue to balance our budget, I'm prioritizing hiring childcare to take them OUT. Before kids, I loved it when DH worked on my days off. I lived alone in a tiny apartment for a year in grad school. Bliss. It's so nice to be alone.

 

Edited to fix a really weird autocorrect. My apartment was tiny not ruby. :-)

Edited May 8, 2016 by BooksandBoys

[Verity]

Another INTJ here - I relate to you all!! My natural introversion has been "enhanced" shall we say by the onset of fibromyalgia within the past ten years. I'm pretty sure that the two years I spent getting oldest ds dx'd with autism, middle son being a preemie and FTT baby right along with providing full time care for a bedridden grandmother who lived with us and broke her pelvis a week after the move exacerbated my condition. 

 

I second the audiobooks and headphones! I get out of my house at least once a day by myself to walk my dog and listen to escapist fiction. (SF/Fantasy is my cup of tea) I also tend to listen to books while I cook and do general cleaning.

My kids are finally old enough to be fairly self-sufficient and I'm teaching them all to be in charge of their own laundry and general maintenance but they all still need me checking in regularly to make sure school gets done.

 

My ipad has been my second savior...I can play a mindless little game while sitting in the same room to keep the sniping to a minimum and keep everyone on task (reading, writing, math).

Read alouds work here and lots of solo or just one on one work.

 

I hate crafts and co-ops are a real challenge for me. I have to really push myself to get my kids out of the house, fortunately they are mostly introverts too but I struggle with feeling that they are missing out because I'm their mom. :(  Middle son (most extroverted of the bunch) is starting a two day a week classical prep-homeschooling "tutoring" school this fall for ninth grade. He will be with me at home the rest of the week but in classes Monday and Wednesday with an outside teacher to grade the classes he is taking there. Expensive but I think worth the try, our public school options aren't an option for him.

 

Chocolate! Books! Netflix on my iPad. And I admit to spending too much time on the computer, researching curricula, teaching methods, books and playing games. ;)

 

Edited to add: I'm married to a major Extrovert and we have had those same discussions through the years, me needing the alone time and being grouchy if he comes home early. Since our move last October he has been *working* from home and we are still adjusting - he needing more people to talk to all the time, me telling him that I'm not that people! LOL I encourage him to go to lunch out with friends as often as he can and get his words out.

 

We also practice him having a guys night out to play games with other married friends most weekends. I gives me a little more quiet and peace. 

Edited May 8, 2016 by Verity