What are some stupid things you've done but cant take back

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Maybe talking about things will help us feel better.  If it bothers you, that is.

I have something that has bothered me for many years:

 

Years ago DH and I bought I used minivan.  The salesman (who was very unprofessional) gave us the name of the seller and her place of employment (which was in our neighborhood and on our way home).  He said what wonderfully nice people they were and blah, blah, blah.  Well, I got the idea that since he had given us that information I would swing by and ask her about the van.  Basic things like maintenance, if there were anything things we needed to be concerned about, etc.  Nothing personal.  The woman called the dealership and the salesman called me and accused me of stalking the seller.  Um, the salesmen is the one who gave me her info of his own volition.  I never asked for her information.  I have never gotten over the ill feeling and, whenever I am down about things or slipping into sadness, this memory rears its ugly head.

 

[SKL]

I had a guy ask me not to repeat something he told me.  At some point I decided the information was important to share with another person.  (I don't remember the details.)  I went back and told the original person about it and why I decided to tell.  He was kinda floored and told me "I understand why you did it, and I'm glad you told me, but I'm really disappointed."

 

Different incident.  A person came out to some people and I was on the "in list."  A mutual relative was chatting with him while having a smoke, then later started chatting me up.  Basically she got me to confirm that the person was gay by saying "don't worry, we know it already."  I figured he had told her.  Next thing I know the person confronted me and demanded to know why I was telling people - apparently she called him and told him I outed him to her.  :/  Ugh if we could have a chance to do things over.

 

I promised to go to my subordinate's wedding overseas.  As time went by, I realized it was logistically impossible so I backed out.  He was really hurt.

 

Oh I have a whole list of things that haunt me from time to time and make me feel like the worst person ever.  :/

Edited April 18, 2016 by SKL

[creekland]

Not one thing (I'll admit to).  I keep waiting for old age to get rid of the memories, then I could say that and perhaps mean it.

 

Way too many to list if I were in an admitting mood and went all the way back to my youth.

[athomeontheprairie]

We lived in a different state, in a city. As we prepared to move home, I had a conversion with a couple and their young teenage dd. They asked is about crime/police and what would we do if someone broke into our house. We live very rural, assuming the weather is good and police are in town, we are a solid 20 minutes away. The police are not always the first phone call. . We indicated that if someone tried to break in /, they would be shot (true. But also common knowledge-remember, everyone else here is rural and the police are so far away. And I know NO ONE that doesn't own a weapon).

 

The day before their oldest nephew committed suicide-with a gun. We didn't know until after.

Edited April 18, 2016 by athomeontheprairie

[Pink and Green Mom]

I cannot think of any right this second.

 

But just about every night, right before I fall asleep, I remember some stupid thing I did or said that day/yesterday/last week/last year/20 years ago...

[Guest]

This is kind of small, but one time a friend of mine was telling me about the couponing she was doing, and, for reasons I cannot begin to explain, I said, "Do *I * look like someone who uses coupons?" I have NOOOOO IDEA why I said that! And sometimes I do use coupons!

 

I got caught in a hard sale trap once and charged something expensive on my freshly-paid-off credit card...and this was about ONE hour after DH had said, "whatever you do, DONT buy anything!" I wept at my stupidity afterwards. I was able to get the charge reversed, but it was NOT easy because their worthless guarantee meant I had to send a letter by FedEx cancelling the deal within three days. I begged DH to never tell anyone I had done something SO foolish. If there is any upside, it was that it made me understand hard sales tactics better than ever and I have never again said yes to anything framed that way again.

 

One time, DH and I invested several thousand dollars in a dot.com IPO whose premise we didn't really understand. But our financial guy had made such a boatload of money on his previous IPOs and he himself was investing a horrifying amount of money in this one. My saving grace was that I am very fiscally conservative and figured there was no need to be greedy; if it did as well as the guy imagined, we would make a very nice sum anyway; enough to pay for a college education. This was all just a half a year before the dot com crash. It was sickening to lose that money totally, but at least we had not put every egg in that basket! Our finanical guy suffered severly when that thing burst. He had *borrowed* money to invest. I still keep that worthless stock certificate in my firesafe, but now it's just there to remind me nothing is certain and to always be cautious. The last thing our financial guy said as he was walking out our door (before the bust) was, "I am the most aggressive investor you ever met in your life!" Probably not now, though.

[bodiesmom]

Thank you for starting this thread, Scoutermom-

😎

[Spryte]

Someone I love dearly was telling me about her boyfriend. This someone is much younger than I am, and it came out that the boyfriend was a bit older than I am. I stupidly said (and I cringe typing this) that he wasn't interested in her for her life experiences. Such a stupid, insensitive thing to say, and she's lived more than most, and done more, and is truly brilliant to boot. I immediately kicked myself. ...and then they got married.

 

They did get divorced a few years later, after he had an affair with someone even younger. But it doesn't make me feel any better. it still haunts me.

 

I have a tendency to blurt things out, despite being well meaning. I mean, I was genuinely concerned about her heading into that relationship. But my lips should have stayed closed. :( Even well intentioned words can hurt.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thank you for starting this thread, Scoutermom-

😎

You're welcome.  (insert chai sipping emoji here)

[UCF612]

I have tried to block the endless list of things I've screwed up so I can't think of anything off the top of my head. Won't be long before I do something new to post about!

[heartlikealion]

When I was I dunno, in my teens or early 20s, I asked someone I knew about their pregnancy in a "congratulations" kind of way... they weren't pregnant!!! I felt AWFUL. She had put on a lot of weight since I'd last seen her and she told me I was not the first to ask. I did have one or two interactions with her since, but I always think of that time and I kick myself. My family is really close to her in-law's family (I don't remember if she was married yet, but I think she was dating or engaged to her now husband at the time). You better tell me you are expecting now because I'm not asking!!

 

Oh I'm sure there are many more, but that's the one that comes to mind.

[Barb_]

I was, what? 23? And had a two year old. I advised my new co-worker (30-something single mom of two grade-school boys) that she shouldn't let her son sleep in her room every night because she'd never get him out of there. Because I'd read PARENTING BOOKS. Oh man did she have it in for me after that. Rightly so.

 

Around the same time we were trying to rent a nicer apartment we could *just* afford but wanted to avoid paying the pet deposit and rent so I lied about having an indoor cat. The same two year old called me out on it.

 

I seemed to learn a lot of lessons that year.

[jobos12]

I cannot think of any right this second.

 

But just about every night, right before I fall asleep, I remember some stupid thing I did or said that day/yesterday/last week/last year/20 years ago...

 

I think it's worse at night time. I have to physically make myself think that whatever regrettable episode is on my mind, its bugging me because because I am tired and not thinking as rationally about things. After that, I have to picture myself apologizing, and then if the feeling of regret is still there the next day, I actually do need to deal with it. But I hate the whole feeling of regret - and sadly, it happens far too often.

[Anne in CA]

One great thing about my current highly stressful lifestyle is that these things mean less and less to me as I deal with more and more people and more and more money is on the line. These sort of incidents cost me sleep, and sanity even a few years ago, and I'm much tougher to them now. I am too busy to list some right now, but wanted to contribute to give people hope that you can let this stuff go.

[kirstenhill]

Ugh...when I was in my early 20s I was involved in a leadership role in an organization and helped select others who would be offered other roles/leadership positions. On two different occasions I remember being rather derisive and saying to someone essentially, "You just aren't the type. I don't think you have what it takes to ______". It was pretty hurtful. I was in a position where I should have been encouraging them, coaching them, giving suggestions for personal or skills growth... Instead I kind of dashed their hopes because they didn't fit my "mold" of what I thought our organization needed. I really regret the way I acted. :-(

[heartlikealion]

Ugh...when I was in my early 20s I was involved in a leadership role in an organization and helped select others who would be offered other roles/leadership positions. On two different occasions I remember being rather derisive and saying to someone essentially, "You just aren't the type. I don't think you have what it takes to ______". It was pretty hurtful. I was in a position where I should have been encouraging them, coaching them, giving suggestions for personal or skills growth... Instead I kind of dashed their hopes because they didn't fit my "mold" of what I thought our organization needed. I really regret the way I acted. :-(

 

Hopefully someone left thinking, "Whatever! I'll show them!"

[DawnM]

I've done a lot of stupid things, and said  a lot of stupid things.  

 

I am glad I am not the only one who thinks of them 20 years later and cringes.

 

Cant' think of one right at the moment, but I know they are there, and will rear their ugly heads soon!

[DesertBlossom]

When I was little I spent a lot of time at a neighbor's house because she had little toddlers and babies I loved to play with. I was a kid who apparently had diarrhea of the mouth because I said awfully insensitive things to her. Innocent coming from a 7 or 8 year old, but totally insensitive. I do remember her telling me I wasn't very tactful.  I remember asking her why she ALWAYS had a pile of clean laundry on the couch in a "why not just put it away" kind of way. I think about that every time I was past my own mountain of clean laundry.

[SKL]

And the funny thing is, most likely the victims in these incidents have long forgotten them and moved on.

[StephanieZ]

I paid $5000 (twice blue book value) for a 20 year old truck from a relative. I knew the history, loved the old truck, and wanted it. I was (very) busy and distracted and didn't take the time to get it looked over. I think I also didn't want to look cheap or like I didn't trust the relative. (And, no, I don't think he did anything wrong or was trying to scam me. The truck had sat for a long time, and I don't think he knew it had major problems. My bad.)

 

After spending about $1500 over 6 months trying (and failing) to keep it running, I gave up and sold it for $1500.

 

$5000 loss. Ouch.

 

I'm just not meant to buy used vehicles. Never again.

[SKL]

As a teen, I sided with friends against my sister on a couple of things.  I have regretted that for decades.

[SKL]

On the money side of things, I remember the only time I ever bought a new suit that wasn't on a deep discount.  I was just starting out in my career, deep in debt, and I still don't know what came over me.  I bought the suit because I liked the blouse.  I probably only wore it 2x because the skirt was a weird style.  On the positive side, I never did that again.  :P

[brynndolyn]

When I was (much) younger one of my friends told me she had cheated on her live in boyfriend with her boss at work. She was unhappy in her relationship but wasn't going to tell her boyfriend. I thought about it for, oh, an hour or so, and called her boyfriend and told him. So stupid. I should have talked to her about it at the very least before I said anything to him, I mean wow what a terrible friend I was. I am horribly honesty sometimes but need to remember that not everything is my business, that was a good lesson for me to learn but a hard way to learn it.

 

More recently we were at an early morning running race, it was really cold (32 degrees and wind blowing 20 mph). It was an unusually cold day. I had dressed my kids in snow pants and winter coats, and the baby had a blanket as well. There was a little girl there in a stroller wearing just a jacket, thin pants, a thin blanket, and socks and sandals. She was crying. I should have given her the blanket we had, we didn't really need it. I went running and the kids waited in the car with DH since it was so cold but she was in the stroller while her mom did the race. Ack it kills me, why didn't I do anything? I had only a few seconds to make the decision before DH headed back to the car and my indecisiveness got the best of me.

 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[SKL]

I still remember when I was about 12yo and I was visiting a friend at school.  I was the "new kid" so I didn't really know anyone that well.  My friend had a younger sister who was adopted.  She had told me that, but I had forgotten.  For some unknown reason, I told the girl "if you keep doing xyz your mother is going to put you up for adoption" and then my friend looked at me and I remembered - so I added, "again."  Duh?  37 years later that is still a reminder that pubescent girl brains can get really stupid.  :/  PS that was the last time I was ever invited to that house.

[T'smom]

A couple things spring to mind. One time, I said "oh, he didn't really do that- he's not that stupid." About my brother. In front of him. When I realized he actually DID do it, I felt so awful. I felt awful about it for years. Then one day, the subject came up again in convo with him and I apologized for having said that. He had forgotten. Didn't even remember when I reminded him of it. He thought it was hilarious that I was apologizing for something he didn't even remember.

 

Another incident, which isn't exactly the same- my mom was here when my youngest was born. He was a few days old and I was feeling very overwhelmed. I said "I don't know how I am every going to manage to leave the house again." My mom looked around at the chaos and children and said "honey, I don't know either." I know she was trying to be sympathetic, but my visceral reaction was to pack up those kids and head to a museum. And I probably would have, if the convo hadn't happened at 8:00 at night! The conversation made me realize that when people tell me I cannot do something, I WILL do it. If she had said "oh, honey, of course you will, lots of people manage this and you can too" I probably would have continued wallowing in self-pity.

 

There are a few worse ones that I don't want to mention.

 

I had a convo similar to what I think prompted this thread not very long ago. I had met a homeschool mom and we were doing the "how many kids, how old are your kids" small talk and she said her oldest was 19. I was shocked and said "wow, you don't look old enough to have a 19 year old." She said she wasn't. She and her now-husband had both been widowed and the older kids were his from his first marriage. I did say sorry for your loss, etc. But later, I went over and over it in my mind. I didn't know if I handled it correctly. I didn't feel like I said enough- but I'm not sure where the line is drawn between saying enough to express your sympathy and acknowledge it without dwelling on it.

[Barb_]

When I was little I spent a lot of time at a neighbor's house because she had little toddlers and babies I loved to play with. I was a kid who apparently had diarrhea of the mouth because I said awfully insensitive things to her. Innocent coming from a 7 or 8 year old, but totally insensitive. I do remember her telling me I wasn't very tactful. I remember asking her why she ALWAYS had a pile of clean laundry on the couch in a "why not just put it away" kind of way. I think about that every time I was past my own mountain of clean laundry.

It's funny how these things come around and smack you upside the head, isn't it? Life is a rough tutor, lol

[SKL]

I also once said "you don't look old enough to be a mom to such a grown-up boy."  The mom didn't respond.  Then I realized she might have been a young teen mom and my commenting on it wasn't welcome.  I had meant it as a compliment that she was young-looking.  Gotta consider all the angles, self.

[SKL]

I once inadvertently started a big family feud over a comment directed at me that I probably misunderstood.  I was tired and stressed out and irritated.  All good reasons to keep my big mouth shut!

[goldberry]

When I was a teenager I had plans to go to Six Flags with some friends.  My sister is about 10 years older than me, we weren't especially close.  My mom told me my sister was in the hospital and needed surgery to have her gallbladder out.  My first words were to ask my mom, "Can I still go to Six Flags with my friends?" (Yeah, a model of empathy and care, huh?)  Gah, it makes me cringe.

[Barb_]

These confession threads are good for the soul [emoji39]

[Tap]

There have been 2 times in my life that I was asked to do a favor for someone that would involve a 2 month or so commitment.  10 years and 19 years later....I am still doing those 2 same favors. LOL

 

Think I would have learned the first time.  :banghead:

[Miss Peregrine]

In 10th grade I had befriended a freshman in my geometry class. I guessed that he had a crush on me. He asked me to the midwinter formal and I said I couldn't afford a dress. It just came out because I was so shocked and was actually waiting for another guy to ask me out. Other guy did(and became my boyfriend for 4 years) and the freshman's friends all told him I was there. :(

The Monday after the class I walked in and sat down next to him and he looked away and never spoke to me again. I felt and still feel like such a heel. I'm sorry, Derrick!

[*****]

I know I have said plenty of dumb things, and it is interesting to note how many of us think about those times, especially when trying to get to sleep, etc. But the one time I held my tongue (and I am so glad I did) was when I was in my early 20's while visiting my sister. She had always let her kids drink diet soda, rather than sugared soda. I almost sarcastically said something like, "Yeah, but you never know with diet soda, it may cause cancer someday."   And her daughter, later  in her early 30's who was the picture of health (and no longer drank diet soda), did actually come down with a rare cervical cancer! I will always be so grateful that I didn't put that burden of guilt on my sister! It was a trying time, but my niece is fine today. I still don't trust diet soda, and it did teach me a lesson!

[Seasider]

Oh my goodness there's just not enough time or bandwidth for a full list! I would like to think that a graph would reveal an inverse relationship between age and number of such mistakes per annum, but no time for that, either.

 

Most fall into the category of what's-done-is-done, but the one I regret is thinking, many years ago, that I really needed to please a certain person when I really should have focused on a healthy relationship while maintaining my own value set (and letting that mature apart from said person's influence). Lots of time and emotion wasted there.

[mamakelly]

When my oldest son was 2, I was shopping with him in the baby section of Burlington Coat factory. I was pregnant, tired and he was being a total brat. A pregnant lady walked by and smiled at him and asked how old he was, how far along I was etc.. I told her, somewhat exasperatedly. She then went on to tell me with a huge beaming smile that she was pregnant, with twins. I think my brain turned off for a second because I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry." And walked away dragging my screaming toddler. It was 17 years ago, and I still think about it, and feel bad!

[SKL]

I am remembering more things I did to screw up my siblings' lives as a teen.  Not on purpose.  I was just stupid and said dumb things in front of the wrong people.  One involved saying too much about my brother's relationship with his girlfriend in front of her kid sister.  The other involved repeating stuff my other brother said in front of his boss.

 

Another memory from my college years.  A friend showed me a photo of an ugly baby and said, "isn't that the prettiest baby you ever saw?"  I could not think of anything to say.  So I said nothing.  Idiot.

 

I lost a scholarship to grad school by saying I would find the means to pay whether I got the scholarship or not.  (I ended up with $85K of debt, so yeah, I found the means to pay all right.)

[OneStepAtATime]

When my oldest son was 2, I was shopping with him in the baby section of Burlington Coat factory. I was pregnant, tired and he was being a total brat. A pregnant lady walked by and smiled at him and asked how old he was, how far along I was etc.. I told her, somewhat exasperatedly. She then went on to tell me with a huge beaming smile that she was pregnant, with twins. I think my brain turned off for a second because I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry." And walked away dragging my screaming toddler. It was 17 years ago, and I still think about it, and feel bad!

:laugh:  On the other side of that coin, I was very pregnant with DD and walking out of a grocery store when a woman with several very young children was walking in, trying to keep them all in sight and together.  She looked at me as we passed each other, grabbed my arm, stared me right in the eye with a sort of deer in headlights look and told me to go see a movie in a theater right now, because once the babies started coming I might never get to see another movie in a theater again.   :lol: 

 

 I wonder, is she out there still wondering why she said that to a total stranger?  :) Thankfully, I thought it was odd but I actually took her advice and went to the movies that weekend.  It was fun.  :thumbup1:

[SKL]

Oh and trying to have a relationship with this guy who despised my family and my best friend.  He insisted that I stop helping my folks financially, so I told my mom I was going to pay for some big stuff for them and then stop.  I am sure she was hurt as well as horrified that I could actually contemplate marrying that guy.

 

Some things I will probably never live down.  That is one of them.

[Seasider]

In 10th grade I had befriended a freshman in my geometry class. I guessed that he had a crush on me. He asked me to the midwinter formal and I said I couldn't afford a dress. It just came out because I was so shocked and was actually waiting for another guy to ask me out. Other guy did(and became my boyfriend for 4 years) and the freshman's friends all told him I was there. :( The Monday after the class I walked in and sat down next to him and he looked away and never spoke to me again. I felt and still feel like such a heel. I'm sorry, Derrick!

So this got me thinking. What would be the correct polite response in this situation, getting asked first by someone not your first choice? Can't exactly say, "I'm waiting for Joe to ask me." Saying yes just because Derrick asked first shouldn't be required and shouldn't have to cost a friendship. Cmon wtm dating diplomats, I've got a dd who might need your ideas!

[Tsuga]

I lost a scholarship to grad school by saying I would find the means to pay whether I got the scholarship or not.  (I ended up with $85K of debt, so yeah, I found the means to pay all right.)

 

Wow SKL, I think that one takes the cake...

 

On the other hand, I signed [edit: student] loans assuming that the interest rate hadn't changed since the 1990s. :( It's much worse now.

 

My big one was that I was mean to my sister. She always wanted to play with me and I just rejected her because at the time I was very solitary and also she bugged me. I said whatever I could say, however cruel, to make her stop asking to play with me. My goal, at the time, was to make her hate me so she would leave me alone.

 

I won. :(

 

I am incredibly lucky that as an adult she forgave me.

Edited April 18, 2016 by Tsuga

[SKL]

Wow SKL, I think that one takes the cake...

 

On the other hand, I signed [edit: student] loans assuming that the interest rate hadn't changed since the 1990s. :( It's much worse now.

 

The rate was 9% when I took the loans.  Some of them were variable rate, and went up to 12% for some years.  I don't even want to know how much I actually spent paying off student loans.  I don't really regret student loans, but it would have been nice to start out with less of them.  :)

 

[nd293]

I work really hard not to dwell on things that can't be undone. If I start to think of them I put them in a box and close the lid, metaphorically speaking. Thinking of that image helps, along with some '4 count breathing' to deal with the stress memories like that invoke.

 

We'd been living overseas for few years when I was visiting home and attended a birthday party for a relative's son. Making small talk with one of the fathers there I asked "Who do you belong to", gesturing at the kids. He seemed taken aback and said he wasn't there with anyone which seemed ... odd. Later I realised his wife had been part of my relative's baby group with her son. The wife had killed her baby and herself when suffering from post partum depression. I don't really feel bad about that one as I really had no way to know. But I do feel so sad that I may have caused pain for the poor man.

[nd293]

And the funny thing is, most likely the victims in these incidents have long forgotten them and moved on.

That's what I always tell dd when she worries about this sort of stuff: try to think of one awful thing someone (unintentionally) said to you, or something terribly embarrassing that someone else did. I never can. Perhaps an embarrassing incident in which case I recall it with sympathy, never laughter, but usually I don't even come up with that. So either we're the ONLY thoughtless silly people in the world or (more likely) other people don't remember our awful moments either - they're too busy with their own.

 

(As I write this I do remember one moment of someone else's which I do laugh about when I recall it, although with great sympathy: dh was working on a project to install cell phone towers in the early days. He had a visiting engineer from overseas with him, and they went onto the roof of a building with a water tank of some sort. Dh stepped carefully on the tank cover, walking around so he was placing his weight on the rim. The visitor saw him on it and stepped into the centre, and went straight through the cover into the tank. Dh felt terrible, although it wasn't his fault. The poor guy (and the stuff he had in a backpack) was soaked through.

[mamiof5]

Good thread! So good to know I am not the only one who regrets many things...something I said or didn't say, something I did or didn't do. I am a private person so I won't share details, but I do have one too many regrets. Mainly from the past. As an adult I have learned to be quick to apologize, and try to eat my words when needed (sometimes of course). We are all human and make mistakes, but I do feel better when I can apologize and try to not make the same mistake again. For what I did in the past I can't apologize :( (long time ago, teen years)

[Dad 4 Boys]

When I was a kid, I looked at the sun with binoculars.

 

That's one you'll only do once.

[Night Elf]

Bad driving. Last month, twice in one week, I pulled out in front of someone and they honked at me. I felt like an idiot. Now every time I get near those spots in the road, I come to a complete stop for fear I'll do it again. And every time I get to them, I feel like an idiot over again.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thanks for sharing everyone.  It is comforting knowing other people understand and experience similar feelings.  I agree that night time is the worst time.  That and driving long distances in the car alone.

Edited April 18, 2016 by ScoutermominIL

[BlsdMama]

1. High school.

 

(It's one of the reasons we homeschool.  I was *that* kid.)

 

2. The white casket we buried our daughter in - it looked exactly like an igloo cooler.  Still bugs me.

[BlsdMama]

Maybe talking about things will help us feel better.  If it bothers you, that is.

 

I have something that has bothered me for many years:

 

Years ago DH and I bought I used minivan.  The salesman (who was very unprofessional) gave us the name of the seller and her place of employment (which was in our neighborhood and on our way home).  He said what wonderfully nice people they were and blah, blah, blah.  Well, I got the idea that since he had given us that information I would swing by and ask her about the van.  Basic things like maintenance, if there were anything things we needed to be concerned about, etc.  Nothing personal.  The woman called the dealership and the salesman called me and accused me of stalking the seller.  Um, the salesmen is the one who gave me her info of his own volition.  I never asked for her information.  I have never gotten over the ill feeling and, whenever I am down about things or slipping into sadness, this memory rears its ugly head.

 

 

BTW, I've totally done this.  It was a little crazy that the woman went off the handle and the salesperson was unprofessional. Have no regrets.  You did nothing outrageous.

[alisoncooks]

Once, I said something hurtful/insulting to DH in front of our preacher's wife and another older gentlemen (in an effort to be funny, no less).  I don't know why; I was 20 and stupid.

 

I still cringe whenever I think what they must have thought of me...

Edited April 18, 2016 by alisoncooks