Wedding Attire Question (Update #105)

[Crimson Wife]

DH is a groomsman this weekend for one of his closest friends. It's an evening wedding at a fancy hotel and formal attire but not black tie is the dress code. Oldest DD and I are wearing cocktail dresses and DS is wearing a suit. The question is what to put youngest DD in. The only dress we have that fits and is fancy enough is the flower girl dress from her uncle's wedding last year. I checked the local consignment shops this afternoon and they don't have anything in her size. Ebay I'm concerned about getting here in time (should've thought about this earlier but too late now). I hate to spend much on an outfit that DD is likely to only wear once.

 

Is it a major fashion faux pas for a wedding guest who isn't an official flower girl to wear a flower girl dress? I don't know the bride well enough to ask her if she minds, though she seemed nice the handful of times we've met.

 

UPDATE: I found an alternative dress on clearance at Ross, so we're all good now :hurray:

Edited January 15, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[Junie]

What color is the dress?  If it's white, I might try to find something else or wear a non-white sweater with it.  I would also try to avoid the wedding colors.

[Barb_]

Do you have a picture of the dress? That may make it easier.

[Momling]

This is for a 7 yr old?  I can't imagine that anyone would think that a little girl dressed her in fanciest dress would be anything but adorable.  Just don't send her down the aisle with a basket of flowers.

[Guest]

No one will care. Seriously.

[Farrar]

All the flower girls I've seen have been in dresses that matched the bridesmaids in color and style somehow - but made little kid like, if you know what I mean. If you stuck the same kid into a different wedding with different bridesmaid dresses and different colors, I don't think you'd ever know it was a "flower girl dress." It would just look like a fancy little kid dress. In other words, I can't imagine what the problem would be. It sounds perfect. You had to buy the dress and now you actually get to reuse it - the thing that never happens! Unless I'm missing something obvious here...

[TechWife]

Here, flower girl dresses are traditionally white. Junior bridesmaids wear a dress similar to the bridal attendants. 

 

I think the dress you have would be fine. I think another poster had a great idea in adding a sweater with some color to it. Another possibility would be to change the sash color (you can get ribbon at any Joanne Fabrics) so that she isn't in all white.

[catz]

I wouldn't buy a new dress for a wedding for a child that age. I think it's fine. If it works to pair with a contrasting sweater or other accessories, great. But otherwise I would totally go with it.

Edited January 14, 2016 by WoolySocks

[Tap]

It really depends on the dress.  You would want to confuse people at the reception and yeah, unfortunately it could really bother the bride.

 

Some flower girl dresses look like Easter dresses and would be fine.  If it is a mini-bride style dress, or one that is obviously a flower girl dress, I would do my very best to avoid using it.  Could it be altered to look less like a flower girl dress?   If there are any satin/silk ribbons, replace them with more casual fun colors/textures.  If it is even close to the bridal party colors, then I would definitely avoid it.

 

Do you know anyone in the wedding party that can ffwd a pix to the bride?

[umsami]

Any chance that Christmas dresses are still on the racks...or discounted?

 

Have you tried Costco or Sam's Club?  I bought an adorable formal dress for DD (who is eight) at Costco for $20.

Heck, Easter dresses may be out in some parts of the country.  :001_rolleyes:

 

If it's a white flower girl dress, could you dye it with Rit or something? (Maybe make a simple tulle skirt overlay for the bottom?)

Edited January 14, 2016 by umsami

[Farrar]

Huh, I don't think I realized the flower girl dress could be a white little kid bridal thing. I've always seen it be like - if the wedding was lavender, the flower girl had on lavender. I went to one brown wedding (I know, right?) and the flower girl dress was yellow with brown ribbons and accents. But I've also only been to a limited number of weddings. A high proportion of my childhood friends got married in Vegas... for some reason.

[Tap]

Huh, I don't think I realized the flower girl dress could be a white little kid bridal thing. I've always seen it be like - if the wedding was lavender, the flower girl had on lavender. I went to one brown wedding (I know, right?) and the flower girl dress was yellow with brown ribbons and accents. But I've also only been to a limited number of weddings. A high proportion of my childhood friends got married in Vegas... for some reason.

It is quite popular, especially in a  more formal wedding.

[JustEm]

Check thrift stores

[justasque]

If it's white, as a PP said it might be easy to add a pretty ribbon at the waist.  If you can find a giant silk flower in a coordinating color to add to the sash, that would be nice too.  (There's a Pintrest board about this here.)  You could use a nice velvet or grosgrain ribbon, or I believe places like David's Bridal sell sashes in a variety of colors (normally to coordinate with bridesmaids, but in this case you'd want to go with a different color, obviously).  (Yes, here you go, flower girl satin sash with giant bow, $12.95 in a bazillion color choices.)

 

But really, I wouldn't worry about it.  She'll be a little girl in a pretty dress, and it will be obvious that she's not in the wedding party, as she won't be doing the things someone in the wedding party would be doing.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Check thrift stores

 

 

I concur.  Thrift stores around here are always well stocked with fancy dresses that were hardly worn.  I would guess that lots of people are decluttering this month, so there might be even more than usual.

 

Of course, if I could make the dress you have work by adding some trim and a sweater or a cape, I might do that.  ETA: just saw the picture you posted.  I wouldn't have her wear that dress.  I'd be visiting thrift stores, and looking for sales.  

Edited January 14, 2016 by Suzanne in ABQ

[Crimson Wife]

What color is the dress?  If it's white, I might try to find something else or wear a non-white sweater with it.  I would also try to avoid the wedding colors.

 

It is white taffeta with white fabric roses on the bodice. It is very similar to this dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sorbet-ribbon-rosette-rose-bodice-dress-toddler-girls-little-girls-big-girls/4020065

Edited January 14, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[Carol in Cal.]

No, I wouldn't have her wear that one, sorry to say.  It's too bridal.

But then I'm kind of old school--no one wears plain white to the wedding except the bride, and no one wears black either.  

 

I'd look for something floral or a light color or navy that she could wear on Easter as well, and buy it a little big.

[heartlikealion]

I wouldn't have her wear that, either. Have you already checked places like Wal-Mart and Target? As usami said you could probably find something in the $20 range. Dd got an inexpensive Christmas dress from Wal-Mart that came with a sweater.

 

Have you already gone to the major department stores in person or were you mainly looking online?

 

I wouldn't even ask the bride. I can't imagine that if her answer was no that she'd feel really comfortable telling someone basically, "no, please buy her a dress."

[happi duck]

Another vote for get another dress. Christmas clearance and resale are both good suggestions.

[Tap]

Sorry, that is too specifically a flower girl dress.  I wouldn't even ask the bride.  At the reception, I think people would be wondering if they missed her in the wedding procession.

 

If you decide to use it anyways, I would add a bright color sweater and or/ tie a ribbon at the waist that is not related to the wedding. ie Bright pink or yellow.  If it has the same bow on the back that would likely be impossible though. 

 

Little kids can often look just as cute in a less formal dress that the crowd, so you may be able to just pick up a cute dress at Target or someplace similar. 

 

 

Edited January 14, 2016 by Tap

[barnwife]

Well, I guess I am the dissenter in this thread. Even after seeing the picture, I don't think wearing it would be a big deal. To me, it's just a dress.

A flower girl dress is one that a flower girl wears. So, if the girl in question doesn't perform the duties of a flower girl, it's not a flower girl dress. (And, therefore, a dress can be a flower girl dress on one occasion and not a flower girl dress on another. Or, as in the case of my niece's from my wedding, a flower girl dress once, a Christmas dress once, a random going to church dress etc...)

I will admit that weddings and all their hoopla still mystify me. Things that seem so important to others about them just would never occur to me to worry about/think about.

[ErinE]

My daughter wore my flower girl's dress to a family wedding. The mother of the now-grown girl had found the dress while de-cluttering and shipped it to me. It was a wonderful memory and my daughter wasn't dressed any different from the other young girls there.

[ErinE]

The color and rosettes (preventing the addition of a wide ribbon sash) would make me hesitate to use it. As is, it looks like a bridal party dress.

 

Can you remove some of the rosettes to make room for a contrasting sash? Add a cardigan or shrug as well and I think it would be fine.

[bettyandbob]

Dress by itself no.

 

I agree with others if you get a sweater and a sash you might get away with it.

[LifeLovePassion]

Are you near costco? I got my girls dresses there pretty reasonable for my brothers wedding last year

[MercyA]

Do you have Amazon Prime? They have quite a few formal girls' dresses.

Edited January 14, 2016 by MercyA

[Starr]

I'm getting old I guess. It's too bad we have to worry if a seven year olds dress will look too much like a flower girl dress. It's an off the rack beautiful dress. It's a formal event. Wear the dress.

[justasque]

Oh good grief.  She's seven.  It's a beautiful dress.  Are we really going to buy into the idea that a family "needs" to purchase a brand new dress that will be worn exactly once, because people might confuse her with one of the wedding party, even if she will be doing nothing at all that the wedding party would be doing?  Do we really think that it's a wise use of the OP's resources to buy a new dress (she's already checked the local consignment stores), just for fear that the bride might be critical of the beautiful dress the seven-year-old already owns?  It's not like the OP is going to insert her dd into the wedding party photos, or send her down the aisle with the bridesmaids.  And if the bride is critical of the dress choice, are we suggesting that the OP appease her?  Why are we assuming that the bride would be critical anyway?  She is, after all, the beloved of the OP's husband's close friend.  What about that makes us think she would want the OP to go out and spend the money on a new dress for a seven-year-old?  

 

Slap a pink polka-dot grosgrain ribbon on the dress, get a really cute headband or giant hairbow to match, go to the wedding, celebrate the miracle that is two people falling in love and dedicating their lives to each other, and put some of the money you would have spent on a new dress towards your gift to the new couple or a donation to their favorite charity.

[justasque]

Do you have Amazon Prime? They have quite a few girls' dresses under $25.

 

Honestly, most of those are beyond hideous, not appropriate for a formal event, and look cheaply made.  The dress the OP already has is of much higher quality, it is appropriate for a formal event, it fits her daughter, and she already owns it.  Why feed the wasteful, low-quality, fast-fashion machine?  How is that good stewardship of the OP's resources?

[heartlikealion]

Honestly, most of those are beyond hideous, not appropriate for a formal event, and look cheaply made.  The dress the OP already has is of much higher quality, it is appropriate for a formal event, it fits her daughter, and she already owns it.  Why feed the wasteful, low-quality, fast-fashion machine?  How is that good stewardship of the OP's resources?

 

But spending $20 on a dress that can be worn again might be worthwhile. That link didn't open up a lot of formal attire, but if you click around I think you'll find some.

 

I clicked on the dress with yellow/white then found this one. It looks more formal.

http://www.amazon.com/Richie-House-Little-Bolero-Pearls/dp/B00HKKS13Q/ref=pd_sim_193_6?ie=UTF8&dpID=41rIxIB4-BL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL200_SR160%2C200_&refRID=0JZ5WBG91WKM13S1YHWK

 

I'm sure if you click around more you can find other more formal options?

[Carrie12345]

I'd put out an "ISO" on local FB pages, pick up something adorable for $10-$30, and relist it for slightly lower after the wedding.

[Sherry in OH]

Can you remove the bow?  With a sweater, I don't think a sash is necessary.  Without a sweater, pin a largish tinted rosette at the neck and add a same colored sash. Put a matching ribbon or fancy barrette in her hair.  

 

Does she wear tights?  A pair in the same color as the sweater/sash would ensure that no one thought she was part of the bridal party.

[Myra]

She is only seven years old so I wouldn't be overly concerned with what dress she was wearing - she'll look sweet and appropriate in any dress you have for her.  I think the bride and groom will not even notice what she is wearing!  I know that I'd be shocked if parents went out and bought a new dress for a youngster to wear - we just always expect people to wear what they have and come join the celebration.  But if you are concerned, just have her wear a sweater/shawl/scarf or tons of costume jewelry necklaces from Wal-mart or the Thrift store nearest you.   

 

Myra

[Starr]

Why will anyone think she's a part of the wedding party? Her dad is. She won't be in the ceremony. She's just dressed in a pretty dress. 

[Crimson Wife]

Can you dye the dress? (Is that possible, and if it is, is that something any sane person would want to tackle? LOL)

 

I don't trust myself to attempt dyeing it.

 

 

I wouldn't have her wear that, either. Have you already checked places like Wal-Mart and Target? As usami said you could probably find something in the $20 range. Dd got an inexpensive Christmas dress from Wal-Mart that came with a sweater.

 

I checked the 2 Targets in my area and they didn't have anything left in her size. Unfortunately they don't have the Easter dresses out yet. I do plan to check Walmart, Kohl's, and Ross (like Marshall's or TJ Maxx) today.

 

[MercyA]

Honestly, most of those are beyond hideous, not appropriate for a formal event, and look cheaply made.  The dress the OP already has is of much higher quality, it is appropriate for a formal event, it fits her daughter, and she already owns it.  Why feed the wasteful, low-quality, fast-fashion machine?  How is that good stewardship of the OP's resources?

 

Wow. Ouch. 

 

I was just trying to be helpful. The OP seems to want another dress, and she needs it quickly. That limits her options. 

 

I agree that not all of the dresses were attractive. The link was intended to give the OP a general idea of what's available. I didn't do any specific looking for her, as I don't know what kind of colors and styles she likes. I did change the link to include only formal dresses.

 

For the record, I buy the vast majority of my daughter's dresses on eBay or in resale shops (with the exception of sale items at The Children's Place). I prefer good quality and can't imagine paying retail prices. However, the OP said she was worried an eBay dress wouldn't arrive on time. Good stewardship is admirable, but life happens and sometimes it's easier to buy something quickly and cheaply.

 

I agree that it would be fine to use the dress she has.

Edited January 14, 2016 by MercyA

[justasque]

Wow. Ouch. 

 

I was just trying to be helpful. The OP seems to want another dress, and she needs it quickly. That limits her options. 

 

I agree that not all of the dresses were attractive. The link was intended to give the OP a general idea of what's available. I didn't do any specific looking for her, as I don't know what kind of colors and styles she likes. I did change the link to include only formal dresses.

 

For the record, I buy the vast majority of my daughter's dresses on eBay or in resale shops. I prefer good quality and can't imagine paying retail prices. However, the OP said she was worried an eBay dress wouldn't arrive on time. Good stewardship is admirable, but life happens and sometimes it's easier to buy something quickly and cheaply.

 

I agree that it would be fine to use the dress she has.

 

Sorry, I was rude.  I didn't mean to pick on you personally. You were just trying to help the OP find what she may want/need, in a way that I've done myself many times on these boards.  I apologize.  

 

I've purchased fast fashion crap in the past when we needed something that would only be worn once (costumes, worn for three minutes on stage).  Sometimes, it is the solution.  I just hate to see someone feel society pressure to purchase something new just in case people look down on them if they don't, you know?  Especially when it's not even known whether, in this case, the bride would care.  If the OP didn't already have a perfectly good dress, then fast fashion might be a good solution.  But whenever I see fast fashion, I can't help but think about the people who made it, and the conditions in which they work, and the waste it creates, and the way it devalues the people who would like to be making quality clothes in this country but can't because people don't want to pay the prices because they've been conditioned to want the new/cheap things instead.  And it makes me angry.  So that's where my vent came from.

[Carol in Cal.]

Oh good grief.  She's seven.  It's a beautiful dress.  Are we really going to buy into the idea that a family "needs" to purchase a brand new dress that will be worn exactly once, because people might confuse her with one of the wedding party, even if she will be doing nothing at all that the wedding party would be doing?  

No, we are supporting the family in wanting to be courteous to their hosts of this once in a lifetime celebration.

[Carol in Cal.]

I don't trust myself to attempt dyeing it.

 

 

 

I checked the 2 Targets in my area and they didn't have anything left in her size. Unfortunately they don't have the Easter dresses out yet. I do plan to check Walmart, Kohl's, and Ross (like Marshall's or TJ Maxx) today.

 

I don't know how far you want to range around, but when Dd was that age I often found good 'dressy' clothes for her at the Unicorn Thrift Store in the Almaden Valley neighborhood (fairly upscale) of San Jose.  It's at Redmond and Almaden Expressway, in the shopping center on the Northwest corner.

[gingersmom]

I would aLso look at Sears.

[MercyA]

Sorry, I was rude.  I didn't mean to pick on you personally. You were just trying to help the OP find what she may want/need, in a way that I've done myself many times on these boards.  I apologize.  

 

I've purchased fast fashion crap in the past when we needed something that would only be worn once (costumes, worn for three minutes on stage).  Sometimes, it is the solution.  I just hate to see someone feel society pressure to purchase something new just in case people look down on them if they don't, you know?  Especially when it's not even known whether, in this case, the bride would care.  If the OP didn't already have a perfectly good dress, then fast fashion might be a good solution.  But whenever I see fast fashion, I can't help but think about the people who made it, and the conditions in which they work, and the waste it creates, and the way it devalues the people who would like to be making quality clothes in this country but can't because people don't want to pay the prices because they've been conditioned to want the new/cheap things instead.  And it makes me angry.  So that's where my vent came from.

 

That's okay, justasque. Thank you for the apology. I understand and appreciate your passion for issues involving human rights, waste, and wise use of resources. I know that you're trying to help the OP, too! Thanks for giving us something to think about.  :001_smile:

[xixstar]

I would wear let her wear the dress. Bonus if she loves it because that would be a good reason. I agree that a nice shrug or sweater could balance it well.

[momto3innc]

I think it's totally fine with a colored sweater, matching tights, and bow or headband. She's seven. You have a nice dress. I would not buy something different.

[mom2samlibby]

It is white taffeta with white fabric roses on the bodice. It is very similar to this dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sorbet-ribbon-rosette-rose-bodice-dress-toddler-girls-little-girls-big-girls/4020065

 

No.  Sorry.  I'd go buy another dress.  The only way I'd have her wear that one would be if I dyed it.  She wouldn't be able to wear white to the wedding.  My flower girls dresses were white.  I'd have been annoyed if a guest showed up with her daughter in a white flower girl dress.  

[Crimson Wife]

I don't know how far you want to range around, but when Dd was that age I often found good 'dressy' clothes for her at the Unicorn Thrift Store in the Almaden Valley neighborhood (fairly upscale) of San Jose.  It's at Redmond and Almaden Expressway, in the shopping center on the Northwest corner.

 

San Jose is an hour each way without traffic from where I live and I don't have any other reason to be down in that area between now and this weekend. I'll keep that store in mind the next time I'm in the South Bay, though!

[Catwoman]

Sorry, I was rude. I didn't mean to pick on you personally. You were just trying to help the OP find what she may want/need, in a way that I've done myself many times on these boards. I apologize.

 

I've purchased fast fashion crap in the past when we needed something that would only be worn once (costumes, worn for three minutes on stage). Sometimes, it is the solution. I just hate to see someone feel society pressure to purchase something new just in case people look down on them if they don't, you know? Especially when it's not even known whether, in this case, the bride would care. If the OP didn't already have a perfectly good dress, then fast fashion might be a good solution. But whenever I see fast fashion, I can't help but think about the people who made it, and the conditions in which they work, and the waste it creates, and the way it devalues the people who would like to be making quality clothes in this country but can't because people don't want to pay the prices because they've been conditioned to want the new/cheap things instead. And it makes me angry. So that's where my vent came from.

I loved the bolded phrase so much I had to quote it. :D

 

That is the perfect description of so many of the clothes I see in the stores these days!

[happi duck]

I'm less thinking of the bride and more the flower girl. Around here it's also a special day for the flower girl.

 

I don't think it's silly to realize that weddings are the culmination of much emotion and planning and adding exhaustion makes the day a minefield sometimes. Being a little thoughtful even if it's "just a dress" is just being kind.

 

No one is suggesting that anyone will, or should, freakout but that it's nice that no one come dressed like they could be in a wedding party...just in case.

[wintermom]

It is white taffeta with white fabric roses on the bodice. It is very similar to this dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sorbet-ribbon-rosette-rose-bodice-dress-toddler-girls-little-girls-big-girls/4020065

 

Could you have her wear a little sweater or jacket over this dress? 

[marbel]

I'm less thinking of the bride and more the flower girl. Around here it's also a special day for the flower girl.

 

I don't think it's silly to realize that weddings are the culmination of much emotion and planning and adding exhaustion makes the day a minefield sometimes. Being a little thoughtful even if it's "just a dress" is just being kind.

 

No one is suggesting that anyone will, or should, freakout but that it's nice that no one come dressed like they could be in a wedding party...just in case.

 

I had not thought of that at all but I agree.  Yes.  I can imagine a flower girl, feeling so special, seeing someone in a (possibly nicer) flower girl dress.  Ouch. 

[fairfarmhand]

Sears has some pretty things marked down right now\.

 

http://www.sears.com/kids-clothing-girls-clothing-girls-dresses/b-1282040111?Fit=Girls%207-16&filterList=Fit

 

http://www.sears.com/holiday-editions-girl-s-glittery-party-dress/p-049VA86025012P?selectedFilters=Fit|Girls%207-16&prdNo=24&blockNo=24&blockType=G24

 

http://www.sears.com/holiday-editions-girl-s-tulip-hem-dress/p-049VA86036312P?selectedFilters=Fit|Girls%207-16&prdNo=16&blockNo=16&blockType=G16

 

http://www.sears.com/sophia-grace-rosie-girl-s-sleeveless-ruffled-dress/p-049VA82587312P?selectedFilters=Fit|Girls%207-16&prdNo=1&blockNo=1&blockType=G1

 

 

Edited January 14, 2016 by fairfarmhand