Crimson Wife Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 This is an interesting start for a 7 year old. What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty? Really ?? She wasn't aware of any of this. She's 7 but has special needs so she's developmentally more like a younger child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 The dress absolutely fits the occasion. It is a formal dress. Use colorful accessories if you think it needs it. I had one flowergirl at my wedding & there were several other girls dressed in white, as guests. It blended nicely & wasn't disrespectful. I can't even wrap my mind around feeling disrespected at that. I disagree. Potato, potahto, I guess. The dress in question is not in any way comparable to a Halloween costume. The social norm is what I was talking about. The social norm would be don't wear a Halloween costume to a non Halloween event and don't wear white to a wedding. If a group of ladies met for their Red Hat Society lunch I doubt one would wear a blue hat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Crimson Wife Posted January 15, 2016 Author Popular Post Share Posted January 15, 2016 Ross saved the day as their clearance rack had a party dress the same color as the one I'm going to be wearing. DD loves to be all matchy-matchy with me so she's happy. 52 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 No, but it's comparable to a flower girl dress. Maybe there will be a flower girl at the wedding. Maybe she will be feeling very special and grownup that day, until another little girl shows up in a dress as pretty and special as hers. It doesn't matter that the child is so young. Yes, this is the way some people think. I choose not to encourage it or normalize it. I think it's messed-up. I feel bad for the OP; she is just trying to do the right thing. Yes, I feel bad that she feels so much pressure about what her daughter wears. As if her 7 yr-old in a fancy dress could be offensive or disrespectful. I do agree with others that accessorizing the dress with a sweater and/or sash, colored tights and shoes, or other additions would make it all right. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Ross saved the day as their clearance rack had a party dress the same color as the one I'm going to be wearing. DD loves to be all matchy-matchy with me so she's happy. :hurray: :thumbup: :party: Sorry this has probably been so stressful. Glad you found a dress. And maybe she can wear the dress again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 No, but it's comparable to a flower girl dress. Maybe there will be a flower girl at the wedding. Maybe she will be feeling very special and grownup that day, until another little girl shows up in a dress as pretty and special as hers. It doesn't matter that the child is so young. ... I assume that at a formal wedding, every little girl will be wearing a special, pretty dress, whether they are in the wedding party or not. Part of the fun of a formal occasion is being surrounded by people who are nicely dressed. If the flower girl was my child, and was likely to feel put out by someone else looking pretty and special, I'd consider that to be something we'd have to (kindly and gently) address. The flower girl is special because she is the flower girl, and has the duties and responsibilities thereof. While she is likely to be nicely dressed, it's not her outfit that makes her special, it's her role in a ceremony marking the joining of two people she cares about in holy matrimony. There will always be someone who has a prettier dress, a nicer hair-do, a more stylish shoe, a more expensive handbag. St. Francis deSales said, "Be who you are, and be that well." We are not in competition. I am fascinated by the cultural/values differences among hive members that this question has brought into discussion. Again, remove any existing sash by opening the side seams, add a new sash of grosgrain ribbon in pink with white polka-dots (narrow if necessary) with a matching fancy hairpiece. The polka-dots will bring the dress well out of the "wedding party" realm, if that's a concern for the OP, and give a fun, festive look for the child to enjoy. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Ross saved the day as their clearance rack had a party dress the same color as the one I'm going to be wearing. DD loves to be all matchy-matchy with me so she's happy. OP, thanks for starting a fascinating conversation. I'm glad you've found a solution - treasure those "likes to be matchy-matchy with mom" moments, as they grow out of them so quickly!!! I hope you and your family enjoy the wedding! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I assume that at a formal wedding, every little girl will be wearing a special, pretty dress, whether they are in the wedding party or not. Part of the fun of a formal occasion is being surrounded by people who are nicely dressed. If the flower girl was my child, and was likely to feel put out by someone else looking pretty and special, I'd consider that to be something we'd have to (kindly and gently) address. The flower girl is special because she is the flower girl, and has the duties and responsibilities thereof. While she is likely to be nicely dressed, it's not her outfit that makes her special, it's her role in a ceremony marking the joining of two people she cares about in holy matrimony. There will always be someone who has a prettier dress, a nicer hair-do, a more stylish shoe, a more expensive handbag. St. Francis deSales said, "Be who you are, and be that well." We are not in competition. I am fascinated by the cultural/values differences among hive members that this question has brought into discussion. Again, remove any existing sash by opening the side seams, add a new sash of grosgrain ribbon in pink with white polka-dots (narrow if necessary) with a matching fancy hairpiece. The polka-dots will bring the dress well out of the "wedding party" realm, if that's a concern for the OP, and give a fun, festive look for the child to enjoy. Yes, I amended my post earlier because of my misuse of the word "pretty." Of course there are going to be other girls and women in pretty dresses. The point which I did not make well was that there is a special quality to the flower girl dress, just as there is to the bridal gown. Even at formal weddings guests don't wear gowns that look bridal; and so young wedding guests shouldn't wear flower girl dresses. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barnwife Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 OP, I am glad you found a solution. As for the "white is reserved for the bride"...I'd agree with that for adults! Does anyone really look at a 7 yo (or other child) and think she is competing with the bride? (I am being serious. It would never, ever, ever occur to me to look at a flower girl and compare her to the bride. And, just for the record, at a somewhat recent wedding we attended, it was the ring bearer who stole the show. (He started off down the aisle just fine. Then, about 10 steps in, he looked around, saw all the people and just stopped. The priest at the front of the church took out a package of his favorite treat and shook it. The noise got the little boy's attention and he ran for all he was worth to get that treat. It was, quite frankly, adorable.) So you can steal the attention from the bride when your clothes look nothing like hers! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 OP, I am glad you found a solution. As for the "white is reserved for the bride"...I'd agree with that for adults! Does anyone really look at a 7 yo (or other child) and think she is competing with the bride? (I am being serious. It would never, ever, ever occur to me to look at a flower girl and compare her to the bride. <snip> I don't think so. I'm certainly not. I'm pretty sure the discussion is about a guest "competing" with the flower girl by wearing what appears to be a flower girl dress. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barnwife Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't think so. I'm certainly not. I'm pretty sure the discussion is about a guest "competing" with the flower girl by wearing what appears to be a flower girl dress. Yeah...that still doesn't change my mind/opinion. "Oh my goodness. Look at that adorable little girl in a that beautiful dress over there. She is so trying to upstage the flower girl!" Is that really something that people think? As I mentioned in my first post in this thread, weddings kind of mystify me. The concept of trying to upstage a flower girl is something that I've never considered before this thread. I just can't wrap my mind around it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) Yeah...that still doesn't change my mind/opinion. "Oh my goodness. Look at that adorable little girl in a that beautiful dress over there. She is so trying to upstage the flower girl!" Is that really something that people think? As I mentioned in my first post in this thread, weddings kind of mystify me. The concept of trying to upstage a flower girl is something that I've never considered before this thread. I just can't wrap my mind around it. You know, I think it is just the tradition that bridal-type clothing is reserved for the bridal party. I know not everyone holds to that tradition. And I doubt most people are going to look at a girl in a flower girl dress and complain that she's upstaging the actual flower girl. But there's no reason for a guest to dress in wedding party clothing, particularly when they don't even know the bride/groom well. I get the OP's dilemma and I'm glad it's resolved. I don't think she would have asked the question if there was no doubt in her mind that the dress would be OK. At my wedding, my brother's girlfriend wore a dress that could have been a bride's dress. It was white lace over a very pale green sheath. No one mistook her for me but a few people were offended on my behalf. <shrug> She was dressed inappropriately. It didn't matter to me, but I can't say that it shouldn't matter to anyone else. ETA: Lots of white lace, very pale green sheath under it, looked like a white dress unless the viewer was up close. Edited January 15, 2016 by marbel 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't think so. I'm certainly not. I'm pretty sure the discussion is about a guest "competing" with the flower girl by wearing what appears to be a flower girl dress. Not that it matters much now, and it didn't matter much at the time, but my SIL had her DD wear a dress to my wedding that suggested she was the flower girl. While it wasn't a monumental issue in my life, I admit it annoyed me. she even "accosted" my wedding photographer to collect a couple pictures of my niece holding a basket, which makes it seem that she wanted to have pictures that made it look like niece was the FG. Again, it wasn't the ruin of my day or anything, but I thought it was gauche anyway. The dress was a full-length white gown with red rosebuds on it; my wedding flower was a rose and the theme was black/red. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 At my wedding, my brother's girlfriend wore a dress that could have been a bride's dress. It was white lace over a very pale green sheath. No one mistook her for me but a few people were offended on my behalf. <shrug> She was dressed inappropriately. It didn't matter to me, but I can't say that it shouldn't matter to anyone else. Wait - not only is white reserved for the bride, but pale green as well? Is that is or are there more off-limit colors? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) Wait - not only is white reserved for the bride, but pale green as well? Is that is or are there more off-limit colors? Ah... once again, brevity is not my friend. The white lace on the dress was... don't know what word to use... extensive? The dress really looked white, unless one was up very close, to be able to see the green under the lace. In the photos, it looked like a white dress. So yes, it looked like it could have been a bride's dress. It was a dress I would not wear to someone else's wedding, nor would expect someone to wear as a guest at a traditional wedding. Edited January 15, 2016 by marbel 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Ross saved the day as their clearance rack had a party dress the same color as the one I'm going to be wearing. DD loves to be all matchy-matchy with me so she's happy. Yay, Crimson Wife, (and Yay Ross!) I'm glad you found the perfect dress for dd. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't even know what a 'flower girl' dress looks like. A little girl in a pretty dress would delight me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Ross saved the day as their clearance rack had a party dress the same color as the one I'm going to be wearing. DD loves to be all matchy-matchy with me so she's happy. Are you trying to derail this conversation with your "solutions?" You need to stay on task and jump in this argument! 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Are you trying to derail this conversation with your "solutions?" You need to stay on task and jump in this argument! Seriously. How can she go and resolve the original question when we haven't yet determined whether or not it is a big deal to wear a flower girl dress when not the flower girl? :D 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 Are you trying to derail this conversation with your "solutions?" You need to stay on task and jump in this argument! The discussion was helpful in deciding whether or not it would be worth my time continuing to look around for an alternative dress. I have a tendency to overthink things and wasn't sure if this situation was one of them. When there was no clear consensus opinion that it was ok to have DD wear the white flower girl dress, I knew that I should make a second attempt to find a different outfit. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Not that it matters much now, and it didn't matter much at the time, but my SIL had her DD wear a dress to my wedding that suggested she was the flower girl. While it wasn't a monumental issue in my life, I admit it annoyed me. she even "accosted" my wedding photographer to collect a couple pictures of my niece holding a basket, which makes it seem that she wanted to have pictures that made it look like niece was the FG. Again, it wasn't the ruin of my day or anything, but I thought it was gauche anyway. The dress was a full-length white gown with red rosebuds on it; my wedding flower was a rose and the theme was black/red. That's pretty rude. And the wedding photographer moves took it OTT. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 As it turns out, there were indeed two flower girls at the wedding and they wore white dresses (different style but I'm glad my DD was in a colorful party dress). 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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