athomeontheprairie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I thought the worst of a situation. AND I called the friends on my (horribly wrong and inaccurate) assumptions. Well, typed it. She is (rightfully) hurt. She explained her side (which is more than she needed to do) and called me on being a jerk (which is an understatement). I really try hard not to insult others. I try hard to read and reread written messages so they aren't easily misconstrued. But I screwed up. I didn't reread it, and it sounds WAY worse than what I meant. I've apologized. I may seriously lose a friend over this (you know, true colors and all that. Colors I didn't even know I had) I'm usually pretty easy going, I try hard tio get along with people. But, really I'm just a b*itch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I hope it works out that you and your friend can move on from this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You're not a b*tch. You misunderstood something. I hope your friend is able to understand what happened and forgive you. But really, you are a nice person. Please don't be too hard on yourself for accidentally jumping to the wrong conclusion. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 My guess is that you are not a b**ch, but that you acted on fear. You had a weak moment. I had a friend accuse me wrongly of something terrible and I let it go when she explained that she was really, really unhappy in her marriage and scared to be pregnant and she behaved wrongly to me because it was "safe" and I forgave her and we moved on. You got emotional. It's better than never getting emotional. You are apologizing, it will make you a better person, (even though I bet you are great already), you are as entitled to a mistake as anyone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Can you get together and talk in person? Maybe get coffee together? Are you in the same location? :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm so sorry. I hope things get sorted out for you and your friend. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 If you were truly a b!tch, you likely wouldn't be so upset with yourself. I hope after she gets past the hurt that she'll be open to remaining friends. I jumped to conclusions about one of my dearest friends from college and said something to her that still makes me cringe to remember. She called me on it right away and said I should know her better than that. I apologized, and she forgave me and we moved on from there. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Part of those true colors you're showing is taking responsibility instead of further blaming the other person for the misunderstanding. I admire that, truly. Many hugs. I hope the friendship can be repaired. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm sorry this happened. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Your apology would go a long way with me. I have a "friend" who has not treated me well and has not apologized in any way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hugs. What you are is human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You are human. All you can do is sincerely apologize and move forward from there. I hope everything works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Maybe tell the friend what you wrote here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Since it sounds like this all took place over email/text/Facebook (something like this), I think you should pick up the phone, call your friend, and explain. Maybe even ask to meet for coffee or lunch to talk? I love texting, but I've found that (just like here on the boards) it is hard when tone and facial expressions are missing from a conversation. I don't think you are a bad person at all and I sincerely hope you can work things out. (((hugs))) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Everybody makes mistakes. Sometimes we make big ones. All a person can do is sincerely apologize (the kind that doesn't try to make excuses or indirectly blame the other person) and see if there's anything you can do to make amends if the misunderstanding was public. I agree with the people who suggest a phone call or face-to-face apology. It sounds like this incident was very out of character for you. Your friend knows that. Part of being a friend is understanding we're all human. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I don't mean to -- I don't even know her in IRL -- but it's a rare thread when I don't full agree w/ Cat. Once again: she nailed it. Hello?! You're human. Humans make mistakes. I made about 236 yesterday. And, btw, you know how Eskimos have a million words for different types of snow? We should have a million words for different kinds of mistakes. Because I make them all: dumb mistakes, haven't-had-my-coffee mistakes, bruised-my-husband's-ego mistakes, the list rolls on for miles. You know what? Send her flowers -- a beautiful bouquet and just say it, "I messed up and you mean the world to me. Please take your time to be furious with me. I'll be here waiting. But I won't go for losing you as a friend. It may take time, but you'll always be my friend." Alley 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You know what? Send her flowers -- a beautiful bouquet and just say it, "I messed up and you mean the world to me. Please take your time to be furious with me. I'll be here waiting. But I won't go for losing you as a friend. It may take time, but you'll always be my friend." Alley The bolded is especially important. Be patient, and I bet your friend will come around once the hurt subsides. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Everyone screws up. I'm sure we've all done something like this at some point. You're human. Be forgiving to yourself - because I'm sure you'd be forgiving of someone else who had done this. Right now it isn't about what you did, but about what you will do - about it and in the future. Your sincere apology, an explanation of how you won't let it happen again in the future, a confession of a weak moment - that's all you can really do. You can't control how your friend reacts or if she will accept the apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Can you get together and talk in person? Maybe get coffee together? Are you in the same location? :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I agree. Being able to humble yourself in person makes a bigger impact than it does if they read it and don't "see" your tone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Honestly, if she ditches you as a friend after you humbly apologize and fully admit that you read things incorrectly and jumped to a wrong conclusion and you know you absolutely shouldn't have said what you said, she wasn't much of a friend in the first place. We all mistakes. All we can do is own up to them and try to make things better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4ofus Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 The best thing that someone did once when they hurt me deeply was to tell me that they knew just how much they had hurt me and after they apologized and asked for forgiveness, they said that they would leave it up to me to determine how the relationship progressed from there. That gave me the freedom to set some boundaries for my own (and the relationship's) sake and to ease back into a relationship where trust had been breached. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 How are you feeling today, athomeontheprairie? Any word from your friend? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 How are you feeling today, athomeontheprairie? Any word from your friend? :grouphug: Outta likes, but I wanted to thank you for asking. I was wondering the same. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Everyone messes up. Hopefully she can extend you more grace than you think you deserve. Your humble spirit and repentence is sure to soften her heart over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 I sorta looked for this thread early (must have overlooked it) and when I couldn't find it, I thought it had been deleted. How are you feeling today, athomeontheprairie? Any word from your friend? :grouphug: I feel like dirt. I'm heartbroken that I may have cost myself a good friend. I've responded to her, but have not heard back. We aren't close enough for me to easily get to see her face to face, but I'm trying to make it a possibility. With little ones that difficult. Thanks for asking. To the pp who suggested flowers. I have considered this. I appreciate the suggestions-didn't know if that was still something that is done. I still am at a loss as to how I came to the conclusion I did. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I sorta looked for this thread early (must have overlooked it) and when I couldn't find it, I thought it had been deleted. I feel like dirt. I'm heartbroken that I may have cost myself a good friend. I've responded to her, but have not heard back. We aren't close enough for me to easily get to see her face to face, but I'm trying to make it a possibility. With little ones that difficult. Thanks for asking. To the pp who suggested flowers. I have considered this. I appreciate the suggestions-didn't know if that was still something that is done. I still am at a loss as to how I came to the conclusion I did. I don't know what you said and I know you are very contrite about this. But I want to respond to something if I may. I hope that I don't hurt you further by doing so. But my question is whether you had the right to come to any conclusion. My own relationship hurt had to do with someone who felt like they could make judgements and evaluations on my life. I don't think that is the job of a friend and that is a boundary line I've drawn very very deep in the sand. I have only one judge in my opinion as a Christian and only one who is in charge of convicting me of any wrongdoing. (Well, outside of the law.) If you did overstep a boundary simply by judging someone (even if you had been right) then I would want someone to ask me forgiveness for that before even considering a renewal of the friendship because I would be forever wondering if I was going to be judged again on what I was saying or doing. I'm being very forthright here because I think you are asking honestly for feedback. Now if I ask a friend specifically for feedback, that would be a different issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 I don't know what you said and I know you are very contrite about this. But I want to respond to something if I may. I hope that I don't hurt you further by doing so. But my question is whether you had the right to come to any conclusion. My own relationship hurt had to do with someone who felt like they could make judgements and evaluations on my life. I don't think that is the job of a friend and that is a boundary line I've drawn very very deep in the sand. I have only one judge in my opinion as a Christian and only one who is in charge of convicting me of any wrongdoing. (Well, outside of the law.) If you did overstep a boundary simply by judging someone (even if you had been right) then I would want someone to ask me forgiveness for that before even considering a renewal of the friendship because I would be forever wondering if I was going to be judged again on what I was saying or doing. I'm being very forthright here because I think you are asking honestly for feedback. Now if I ask a friend specifically for feedback, that would be a different issue. Jean, I didn't judge her. Or her family. I can't even try to be vague-and I'm too ashamed to write it out. I've tried to write something else out. It isn't working for me. Suffice it to say, I need to ask forgiveness to coming to the conclusion I did, and for voicing it without asking for more information. I'm sorry about what you went through-thanks for helping me Sent from my LG-AS990 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Fwiw, tears of joy as she accepted my apology and is extending me more grace than I deserve 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Fwiw, tears of joy as she accepted my apology and is extending me more grace than I deserve :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Fwiw, tears of joy as she accepted my apology and is extending me more grace than I deserve :hurray: :party: :hurray: :party: :hurray: I'm so happy for you because your friend is being so kind and gracious -- and I'm happy for her as well, because she is very fortunate to have a friend who cares so much about her, as you so obviously do. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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