S/O of the "Would You Marry Again?" Poll

[Reefgazer]

So if *you* died, would your DH or SO consider marrying again?  Ask your DHs and SOs!

 

I asked DH and he said "No".  He said he wouldn't ever be able to find another one like me again.  Hah. I know that can be taken more than one way.  And I don't believe him anyway, LOL.

[Anne in CA]

My dh doesn't like to be alone. He would probably be one of those men who marry so quickly after I died that people would be shocked, lol.

[lllll]

.

[tm919]

I said "definitely not" because that is what my husband has always said. I really hope that's wrong, if I do die long before him. I hope he would find another woman that would keep him from living on Mountain Dew and coffee.

[Crimson Wife]

When the dad of one of my BFF's got remarried several years after his first wife passed, DH claimed that he would never remarry if I predeceased him. I actually laughed at him because I'm 99% sure he would remarry within 5 years. He has never been on his own as he went straight from living with his parents to living in a college dorm to (briefly) living in the Army officers' barracks (with weekly housekeeping service no less!) to being married.

 

I take the kids to visit my parents and in-laws for a couple weeks each summer and he always calls me with questions about how to do basic stuff. He's a very smart guy when it comes to analyzing complex financial data but he has a decided lack of basic household management skills. He'd find himself a new wife to help him out pronto. It wouldn't bother me as long as she were kind and a good stepmom to our kids. God willing, I'd be in Heaven and I'd want him to have a good partner for the rest of his time on Earth.

[RKWAcademy]

I don't need to ask - He would ABSOLUTELY remarry in a heartbeat.  I'm fine with the concept because I'd want my kids to have a mom.  But, his choice would be lousy.  If I could choose, great.  He wouldn't pick a good one - I was his one shiny exception of a good choice.

[Guest]

I wish he would, but I seriously doubt it. It took him ten years to find me, I cannot imagine how hard it would be for him to find a woman who was the right fit for him with five (or more!) kids in tow, three jobs, and strong opinions.

[Susan in TN]

Dh answered definitely because it feels silly to say "never" to something that he has no moral objection to and has never experienced.

[Ottakee]

I highly doubt it. Dh would say no but o told him it would be fine.

[PeachyDoodle]

Probably not. He would say definitely not.

 

Am I the only one who is bothered by the idea of her dh marrying someone else? Maybe it's because we were high school sweethearts and neither of us has ever dated anyone else. I definitely want him to be happy, and not lonely, but the thought of him with another woman still makes me sad.

[Kile529]

I've discussed this with my husband several times. He says there's no way he's marrying again…yeah….right. lol He's definitely going to remarry. He needs a help-mate. I've actually talked with him about what he needs to find in his next wife and he hates that kind of talk. Oh well!! haha! ;)

[foxbridgeacademy]

I voted depends leaning toward yes.  Dh is more then capable of taking care of himself and the kids but I can't see him willingly spending his life alone.  He might not legally marry but he'd have long term relationship(s), if DD didn't scare them off.  He's agreed with me that if I were to die he'd wait until the kids are grown to actually move someone in, it'd be better for everyone's sanity (DD would not make life easy for a step parent).

[Joker]

Dh says no and it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't. I think there could be a possibility he would after both dds are out of the house but I don't think he would remarry while they are still living at home.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Probably not. He would say definitely not.

 

Am I the only one who is bothered by the idea of her dh marrying someone else? Maybe it's because we were high school sweethearts and neither of us has ever dated anyone else. I definitely want him to be happy, and not lonely, but the thought of him with another woman still makes me sad.

Oh, I'm bothered but I know that he's not going to be alone for the rest of his life.  All I ask is that until the kids are grown is that he puts them first and thinks about what I would have wanted where it concerns them.

[Audrey]

So if *you* died, would your DH or SO consider marrying again?  Ask your DHs and SOs!

 

I asked DH and he said "No".  He said he wouldn't ever be able to find another one like me again.  Hah. I know that can be taken more than one way.  And I don't believe him anyway, LOL.

 

Well, that was a bit of a surprise. :001_huh:

 

He said, "Like the barn owls, I mated for life.  When you're gone, I'll perch in my nest until I fall out dead."

 

That makes me very sad.  He's a really good husband, and would be great for someone else.  :sad:

[Crimson Wife]

I don't like to picture DH intimate with a new wife (we've only ever been intimate with each other). But if I've passed on, then he'd have been released from his marital vow to me. We vowed fidelity "until death do us part" and not "for all eternity". I wouldn't want him to perpetually mourn me and not move on with his life. He should feel free to open up his heart to another after I'm gone without feeling guilty about it. I just would want her to be a kind and loving woman who will be good to him and the kids.

[maize]

He says he wouldn't want to, though he tells me that if anything happens to him he wants me to remarry.

 

If he could find someone compatible I think it would be good for him to be married, I hate to think of him alone. At the same time I think compatible people would be few and far between. But then I think the same for myself.

[AimeeM]

DH said "no," but then he said "well, if I found someone who would help take care of Marco..."

I glared, he changed his answer back to "no."

Both of us have somewhat selfish personalities, regarding each other. He knows I do not want him to remarry; I know he doesn't want me to remarry. 

[Cottonwood]

Dh has allllways said he was only going to marry once.  recently an older couple we know got married and on the way to the wedding he repeated the same thing.   His only reason is that he believes you should only marry once.  Why he believes that, I dont know because hes not religious or has any other relationship reason.  when asked he just says hes always felt strongly this way.  he cant seem to pinpoint why but he seems sure he only wants one crack at it.  we disagree on this subject..but i so wonder what would reallly happen if i died.  I cant imagine him not being married and sharing things.

[Rosie_0801]

Does anyone know of this movie, I think I saw it on tv about 10 years ago.

 

It takes place a long time ago. Perhaps it took place in the wild west. I'm picturing something like Dr. Quinn setting. 

 

A family living in the woods/farming? The wife is sick and going to die in the near future. Perhaps Cancer? She knows her husband literally could not keep the kids without having her to help. He also can't take the time away from the farm/kids to go find a wife. So she goes into town and picks him out a wife. The pickings were slim but she does find someone willing to give it a shot. 

 

That is how the movie begins.

 

Now that reminds me of a Philosopher's Mail article about the difference between romantic and classical personalities and their views on relationships.

 

Hang about...

 

http://thephilosophersmail.com/virtues/are-you-romantic-or-classical/

 

http://thephilosophersmail.com/relationships/how-love-stories-ruin-our-love-lives/

[AK_Mom4]

I had to vote "It Depends".   Once DD13 was off to college, I am sure DH would find a compatible companion.  However, I'm not sure he would bother to do the whole marriage thing again. 

[Guest]

Well, that was a bit of a surprise. :001_huh:

 

He said, "Like the barn owls, I mated for life. When you're gone, I'll perch in my nest until I fall out dead."

 

That makes me very sad. He's a really good husband, and would be great for someone else. :sad:

Aww, shoot. Have you broken this news to Rosie? ;)

[Guest]

I haven't asked, but I would expect he would. He would not do well alone. Maybe he would not marry or maybe he would, but I don't think he would just hang.

 

GL finding a replacement that measures up though! :D

[HRAAB]

Dh said he couldn't see that happening, but....he doesn't know nor can he imagine how he would feel if that did happen. I think that's a fair, honest answer.

 

He's a pretty awesome guy plus I think he does better with a partner, so I think he should.

[xixstar]

I finally asked and he thinks it is a ridiculous question. So... ?

 

Sticking with depends. I am sure if he found the right person he would. But where he mind find someone I don't know as he isn't really the go out dating type. We met because of proximity - I was living with friends and he lived in their basement apartment. I was much the instigator.

[Sarah CB]

Probably not. He would say definitely not.

 

Am I the only one who is bothered by the idea of her dh marrying someone else? Maybe it's because we were high school sweethearts and neither of us has ever dated anyone else. I definitely want him to be happy, and not lonely, but the thought of him with another woman still makes me sad.

 

No, you're not the only one.  I'll admit to being awful.  I told dh that if he remarried I would haunt him and his wife.  

[Above The Rowan]

I voted 'other' here too. 

I think he would, he swears he wouldn't. 

 

He said that because if I die the kids would actually go to their biological father, he would lose much more than "just" me, and he wouldn't want to go through that again. He said he can't imagine making a life with another woman/family as if this one just *poof* disappeared and ceased to exist. That made my heart sad. 

 

I would want him to be happy, he's one of the most amazing human beings I know and I am blessed every day that he walked into my life. He deserves to be happy, so I would want that for him. 

[73349]

He'd be a wreck on his own, so I hope so.

[Heidi]

Absolutely, and I hope he would.

[marbel]

Probably not. He would say definitely not.

 

Am I the only one who is bothered by the idea of her dh marrying someone else? Maybe it's because we were high school sweethearts and neither of us has ever dated anyone else. I definitely want him to be happy, and not lonely, but the thought of him with another woman still makes me sad.

 

Not really.  We were both married before (divorced, no children) so while I feel very much that he is mine (and I am his) while we are alive, when one of us dies there is no reason for the other not to remarry if the right situation came up. 

 

I've heard people say they've made their spouse promise not to remarry. (I don't mean on this thread, just in general.)  I think that is just awful.  I would never ask for that promise and I would never make that promise if asked.  (Even though I was one who said I doubt I would remarry.)

 

I've known a few people who married in their later years after being widowed.  In all cases, there was acknowledgement of the great marriages both people had had before.  But there was also acknowledgement that life goes on and not everyone wants to be alone.  I recall with great fondness a couple who, when married to their first spouses, were great friends. I mean both couples were close friends. Her husband and his wife died.  After a few years, it was natural for them to marry.

 

(PeachyDoodle hope I don't sound as if I am ranting against your comments.  I understand the feeling of sadness.  Your post was just a jumping-off point after I answered your question.)

 

 

[Hunter's Moon]

He says definitely no.

 

DH and I are both introverts. We married young (newly-19 and 20) so neither of us has experienced being independent.

 

I know for me, that's a huge reason I don't see myself marrying if DH passes before me. I think DH feels the same.

[Dmmetler]

My DH is an extreme introvert, who has few friends, and is extremely loyal to the ones he has. I am hard pressed to imagine where he'd meet a 2nd wife, now that he's not forced into socializing due to being on the same campus with thousands of people, especially since he works from home at odd hours (software architect/engineer), and even if he relocated to the central office, men outnumber women about 10-1 in his division, and the ones who are there tend to work during the regular workday since they have husbands and children.

 

I would be more likely, only because I'd probably move back to my hometown so I'd have support with DD, and I have a feeling I'd have a lot of my mom's friends matchmaking pretty quickly.

[Butter]

He waffled between definitely and depends.  Ultimately, the choice was definitely since the question was would he *consider* it.  The depends answer was assuming we were in our 90s and all old and shriveled and helpless before I die.  Then he almost definitely would not get remarried, but you never know.

 

At our church there is a sweet old man who lost his wife about 10 months ago.  He was SO lonely.  He loves her so incredibly much.  He misses her something awful.  Over the last few months he has become closer friends with a woman at church.  She's been a widow for 16 years.  They knew each other for years, but not well.  Some people planned times to invite them both to things so they'd get to know each other.  These two lovely people are getting married next month.  Everyone is so thrilled for them.  They are just adorable together and smiling again.  It isn't good to be alone.

 

ETA: I know a couple who have been married 15 years.  They both tragically lost their first spouses way too young.  They both had 12 year olds at home when their husband/wife died!  They are so happy together.  And they were so happy with their first spouses.  They love each other and they love their first spouses, too.  They still miss their first spouses.

[Melissa in Australia]

I am not asking because I really do not want to know. When I am dead then I believe I will just be rotting in the ground so it doesn't matter and I do not need to dwell on might happen in the future thoughts.

[IsabelC]

My man's response: "It's not something I want to consider."

[The Girls' Mom]

Regardless of what he might say, mine definitely would remarry.  He likes women (not in a womanizer kind of way), he doesn't do well alone, and he knows he'd have my blessing to remarry.  If I go before him, I hope he does, and I hope he doesn't wait a terribly long time.  

[PeachyDoodle]

Sounds like it's often the men that we assume will/need to remarry. Or is it just me? (And I'm not saying I would or wouldn't remarry. I don't know.)

 

My grandmother has been a widow for a loooong time. She has never shown interest in remarrying. I'd be surprised if she even dated. She is turning 100 this summer and her husband died when my dad was young, like a teenager? She's got to have been a widow over 50 years.

 

Mine too. My grandfather died in 1959. She was 37 (wow... that's too close to my own age for comfort!) and will be 93 this year.

 

Years ago, her doctor's office mixed up her records with another patient's, and they told her she had chlamydia. She said, "Well, I haven't had TeA in over 40 years, so that's got to be some kind of record!"

[kroe1]

I had to delete my vote because I did not realize at first this was for DH. He definitely would remarry, and I definitely would not. I do not want the financial constraints of marriage while he sees marriage as a security blanket.

[Butter]

Sounds like it's often the men that we assume will/need to remarry. Or is it just me? (And I'm not saying I would or wouldn't remarry. I don't know.)

 

My grandmother has been a widow for a loooong time. She has never shown interest in remarrying. I'd be surprised if she even dated. She is turning 100 this summer and her husband died when my dad was young, like a teenager? She's got to have been a widow over 50 years.

 

I'm not sure if there has been a study on whether widowers remarry more than widows (probably has), but IME more men do remarry than women, or at least sooner (after all, a lot of those widowers are marrying widows).  My grandfather and aunt (grandfather's SIL) died within 13 months of each other.  My grandmother never remarried and died 9 years later.  She wouldn't even *think* of looking at another man.  My uncle, however, was living with a woman within 2 months of my aunt's death.  He's married now to a woman who was a widow for several years longer than he was a widower.  My MIL has been a widow for 9 years now and, even though she's relatively young (67), she has no intention of remarrying.  I know a lot of women who were widowed and refused to even consider remarrying even after many years, but I can't think of any men I know personally who have done the same.

[Pamela H in Texas]

The chances hubby or I would find a spouse after the crazy life we've built is next to nil, pretty sure.  Years ago, I couldn't imagine not marrying.  Now I almost can't imagine marrying.  

[Hwin]

I hope he would.

 

My husband and his friends/family members usually just make fun of each other and play video games. I see my husband proposing to the first woman who listens to him talk about something real.

 

I have very young children and I don't want him raising them alone. I'm totally fine with him remarrying. 

 

Oh and he swears he wouldn't remarry and doesn't want me to remarry, either. I told him he can take out more life insurance and then we'll talk.

 

[ErinE]

"It's a trap!"

[sassenach]

Dh says absolutely not, but I don't think he'd fair well as a single man, so I would want him to.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

He probably wouldn't.  It took him to age 43 to find someone who was willing to put up with his nonsense.  I'm not sure he could find someone else.   :tongue_smilie:

[Orthodox6]

We have discussed this.  He would not ever remarry, for the same religious and practical experience reasons that I have.

[Orthodox6]

We have discussed this.  He would not ever remarry, for the same religious and practical experience reasons that I have.

[rocassie]

DH has said he wouldn't be interested in marrying again, but honestly I think it would really depend on circumstances.  He is a really good man with a very generous heart, but would probably not seek out companionship for himself and devote all his time to the kids.  However, devoting time to his kids means going to activities that would be predominately attended by the mothers (at least that is the case around here) of the other kids so he would have opportunity to meet someone else, they would just have to pursue him and be blatant about it because he is clueless.

[Southern Ivy]

We've talked about this before and I think he would be focused on our daughter (and any other kids we might have in the future). If something came about, he would be open to it, but he would not be actively dating. It would have to just fall into his lap, I think. 

[shawthorne44]

DH would remarry.  Although I've promised to do my best to haunt him if he doesn't pick a good mother and wait a decent interval.  

I would wait until DD was an adult.  In my life, I've personally known too many people with pedophile step-fathers.   I don't know how to screen them out, so I would always have a doubt, which seems like a bad start to a marriage.  I know I can't go by appearances, social/church standing or lack of being on the registry.

 

When he was in college and a dog, DH would sometimes take his nieces out to parks as a way to pick up women.  He says a well-behaved cute child is better than a dog at that.  

[inmyopinion]

I hope so.  We have a good marriage and being married has been good for him.  I do think he needs a wife, not because he is inadequate, but because his job is such a demanding one.  Although once I am gone, I do not have a say in it, it saddens me to think of him being alone.  He has joked he wants one just like me- a 21 year-old Cheerleader!  I told him go for it!