9yos and makeup

[luuknam]

Just curious based on some comment in another thread.

 

ETA: Okay, let's exclude performances on stage... those are different, in that pretty much anyone would wear makeup for those. Same with Halloween... let's exclude Halloween as well.

[maize]

At that age, only if they are going to be on stage (boys or girls).

[Guest]

I would only allow a nine year old of either sex to wear makeup for a performance event, like figure skating, ballet, or theatre. Full stop. No negotiating. You get lip balm until you're 13, and then we will talk.

[Joker]

I let my dds wear a bit of my makeup for really special events at that age. They didn't get their own makeup until 13. I would feel the same for boys if they wanted to wear it.

[foxbridgeacademy]

It's just a bit of colored grease so I've never kept them from wearing makeup, I also never overtly encouraged it.  DS was interested in DD's fingernail polish for about a day, otherwise he's never wanted to wear makeup (I have asked).  DD started wearing it regularly at around 10 (was wearing my stuff since about 7-ish) and stopped wearing it about a year later.  To much effort and she is going through a non-conforming phase right now.  

 

 

[Tanaqui]

Life is waaaaaay too short for me to spend much time worrying about this, so long as they're paying for what they use out of their own allowance. Their approach to makeup can be summed up as "MORE GLITTER!" so, y'know, I'm okay with that. Also don't mind if they wear wigs incessantly, do weird things with their hair, put on lots of costume jewelry, and so on. So long as they're wearing weather-appropriate clothes, I just cannot be bothered.

 

Edit: Well, I will insist they scrub it off if they're going somewhere where their make-up choices are inappropriate - Grandma's house, school (back when they were in school), that sort of thing. And if there was a health issue, like the makeup was giving them a rash, I'd obviously say no to that, probably pay them back the cost of that particular brand. But otherwise, my feelings can be summed up as a big ol' "meh".

 

[Crimson Wife]

I was allowed to wear blush during the winter starting in 4th grade because during New England winters I look sickly without blush. Out here in CA it is a moot point, but if we moved someplace with bad weather in the winter, I'd allow my girls to do the same.

 

As for boys wearing makeup, that's a "your kids, your prerogative" thing.

[Dmmetler]

My DD can if she wants to, but barely tolerates it for cheer competitions, dance recitals and the like, except for nail polish. I don't see it as a big deal, although if she really wanted to wear it daily, I'd want her to get some lighter, more natural shades, since performance makeup is pretty bright and heavy. I almost never wear makeup.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't care really.  When I was that age I remember girls wearing makeup.  My mother allowed it, but I never wore it at that age.  I do recall girls putting it on in the morning on the playground and wiping it off before leaving school so their parents would not know.  And again, there I was with no interest whatsoever. 

 

 

[Guest]

It doesn't really matter to me. Dd didn't care to wear makeup until she was well into her teens (and very light at that). My boys have not been inclined to wear makeup. If a 9yo wanted to wear real makeup for day wear, I would wonder why.

[Mom22ns]

At that age, my dd got lots of makeup from her friends at birthday parties. They would all put it on together and thought they were stunning. Other than fingernail polish, she didn't wear makeup outside the house (or friends houses). Ds was never interested, although if memory serves, she may have convinced him to let her paint his toenails once.

[EndOfOrdinary]

I think before I said no I would want to know why they were asking to alter their appearance.  We allow our son to dye his hair and pierce himself at his discretion.  He started dying at the age of about 4 and piercing at 8.  Doesn't bother me as it is not permanent.  We also lived in Portland and it is very common for kids that age to modify their bodies in non-permanent ways by the age of 6  (pierced lips, eyebrows, nose, ears, industrials, but no dermals, stretching, or advanced cartridge work).

 

For many I think makeup is just an extension of dying.  It is fun, it seems adult, it looks sparkly, and is much like face paint.  If it is to "fit in" or because they did not like their personal appearance, then we would need to have other discussions.  If it was for objectification or sexual reasons we would definitely be having a few more discussions.

[Scrub Jay]

I voted Other because my option wasn't on there.  My 9 year olf DD is allowed to wear light, sparkly lip gloss out and about.  I consider that make up.

 

Anything else, no, not unless she has permission (or she's just playing dress up at home).

[SKL]

My kids are only 8, so I'm not sure exactly how I will feel when they are 9.  One of my kids likes to have a certain look when we go to a restaurant.  She puts on her heels and often carries a little purse.  Once she snuck in some make-up in her purse and applied it in the restroom after we got there.  (She's good at applying it carefully.)  Now, honestly, it was kind of cute, because she is so little.  I did tell her not to do that again without permission.  But my feelings about it are not as strong as they used to be.

 

I think there is a "look" that is not acceptable on a tween or young teen.  However, I don't think wearing makeup automatically gives a girl "that look."  It can be done tastefully.  But at the same time, I have no problem telling my kids not to do it.

 

I am probably a little awkward about this subject because I have absolutely no interest in make-up.  I don't know where my daughter gets it from.  But she's always been fascinated by it since she was a tot.  (She's the one who aspires to be a cosmetologist.)

[foxbridgeacademy]

DS had a mohawk and we dyed his hair red when he was 6, does that count?  He wanted his ears pierced but not the normal kind, he wanted bars (he was about 11).  We found out that they wouldn't do it on under 14 year old's, his b-day is coming up and I asked him if he was still interested.... nope.  I think he's worried that with his long hair (slightly curly and really pretty) he might get mistaken for a girl.  

 

To me all that stuff, make-up, hair, piercings, are temporary and make no difference on any level other then letting a kid explore what makes them who they are becoming.  

[Soror]

My girls think it is great fun to put on make up. Usually I'm very nonchalant about it, however I'm not real on bright red lips to church. My kids have quite a bit of autonomy, they pick out their own clothes and dress themselves, do their hair in sometimes interesting styles and put on their "make-up", I like seeing what they come up with and them showing off their personalities.

[Annie G]

The only reason we made the girls wait was because they were messy and I knew makeup was not going to be an exception. So we wanted them to be more mature about taking care of their stuff like that.  We were wrong that 12 was old enough, and there are carpet stains in the girls' bedrooms to prove that point. 

 

Ds never expressed an interest in makeup. He hated stage makeup but wore it because he loved theater so much. 

 

 

[Word Nerd]

I don't allow my 9YO to wear make-up except for sleepovers or while playing. What others do is their business.

 

ETA: She does wear nail polish. I wouldn't call that make-up, but others might.

[SebastianCat]

My 10 (almost 11) year old DD wears nail polish and lip gloss, and I've let her wear lip gloss (Burts Bees) with some color.   But any more than that just doesn't look age appropriate.   In our circle of friends, the girls generally begin wearing makeup some time during middle school.  

[Farrar]

There are so many bigger things to worry about. I would, as Quill said, wonder what was up to make a 9 yo feel like that was so important, but mostly because no one we know wears make up - even the adults don't wear more than a bit of lip gloss maybe. It would just seem weird to have a kid we know suddenly be like, I need to wear lots of make up! Whether he or she was 9 or 14 or whatever.

[Reefgazer]

My DD is 12 and wears some makeup; she's worn it for about a year.  I think she looks better without it, but I don't have a real problem with it. 

[redsquirrel]

I've never seen a 9 year old who wanted makeup for anything other than play purposes. Do girls that young really want to look sexually attractive of their own accord?  I mean, we can say makeup is for looking 'professional' or 'awake' etc, but at its root it is too look sexually desirable, younger, older, sophisticated etc. And I have a difficult time thinking many 9 year olds are thinking of themselves in that way.

 

My sons both have a large collection of face crayons, hair chalk etc and they are allowed to use them as much as they like. If it is part of dress up I don't even make them wash it off if we are out and about. My older boy (about to be 15) hasn't used it in quite a while, but the 10 year old still does. Lately he likes to be a cat.

 

If my teen son decided to wear eyeshadow or whatever I wouldn't mind, nor would I be surprised. He female peers don't seem to wear makeup that I can see, but I wouldn't keep a 15 year old girl from wearing makeup so I wouldn't keep a 15 year old boy from it either. Sometimes his friends like to dress up and make a band etc and then there is quite a lot of eyeliner happening, lol.

[*Lulu*]

Totally depends.

 

I would not allow any of my children to wear base or anything heavy, outside of performance situations, at that age.

 

I allow all of my children to paint nails and have for a very long time.

 

My daughter wears lip gloss. The boys have never expressed interest. I would want to know why from any of them, but I wouldn't make it my hill to die on.

[Dmmetler]

At that age, my dd got lots of makeup from her friends at birthday parties. They would all put it on together and thought they were stunning. Other than fingernail polish, she didn't wear makeup outside the house (or friends houses). Ds was never interested, although if memory serves, she may have convinced him to let her paint his toenails once.

 

I wore makeup quite a bit at that age at Friend's houses, slumber parties, etc, and it was kind of a game to see how much you could get away with at school. I almost never wear makeup now, but there are quite a few pictures of me at age 9-12 looking like I was ready to go on an episode of Toddlers in Tiaras.

 

I don't think it's a big deal for kids this age to want to experiment with makeup. In our HS group, a lot of girls  (and a few boys) dye their hair with koolaid and stuff like that, we often have kids show up in some rather quirky clothing ensembles, and so on. I've never heard any of these kids have any problem with NOT wearing makeup, wearing clothing appropriate for the occasion, or keeping their hair a normal color when it was appropriate to do so.

[Rivka]

I let my 9yo (now 10) paint her nails, but no makeup. Nail painting seems more like an accessory, like barettes or temporary tattoos. It's done as decoration, not as allure.

[bluemongoose]

My DD wears it only for ballet performances (she is 10yo). That is it. I voted other because I would have voted "not my business what others do, but we only allow it for ballet."

[SKL]

Do girls that young really want to look sexually attractive of their own accord?  I mean, we can say makeup is for looking 'professional' or 'awake' etc, but at its root it is too look sexually desirable, younger, older, sophisticated etc. And I have a difficult time thinking many 9 year olds are thinking of themselves in that way.

 

I would have said similar in the past, but now I don't see it that way.  I am pretty sure that if my kid heard that the purpose of make-up is to make one look sexually desirable, she would be shocked and horrified.

 

Most women walking around in make-up are not in the least interested in being sexually attractive at that moment.  If that was the case, we could say married women shouldn't go out of the house with make-up on either.

 

My mom used to say that girls doll themselves up to impress other girls more than men.  I think she's definitely on to something there.

 

I was always afraid to wear make-up because it would draw attention, and now I'm too awkward since I never learned how to use it.  I am actually glad my kid is experimenting now so that she doesn't feel awkward later.

[Arcadia]

My nieces are allowed tinted lip balm (e.g Burt's Bee) early and I guess that counts as makeup.

[Ellie]

Other than stage performances or at-home play, I cannot imagine any reason that a 9yo girl should wear make-up.

 

Other than a stage performance, I cannot imagine any reason that a 9yo boy should wear make-up.

[shawthorne44]

I'm hoping to put that off until after puberty starts.   I was moaning to some of my friends that I thought I had 10 years before taking DD makeup shopping.  But she has a Ballet Recital coming up.  I am icked out at the thought of sharing makeup, so I'll be getting her her own stuff.  But, we will be really clear, this is stage makeup only!   

[BigMamaBird]

I bought some Burt's Bees lip shimmer that wound up being WAY too pale for my tastes so I gave it to Dd9 to fool around with.  She can't wear it away from home, but boy does she think she's grown up now!

[Mergath]

I think it's too young for either sex, but I'm not going to criticize someone who disagrees. I just don't want my dd to feel like her natural beauty is somehow insufficient at such a young age. Honestly though, I wouldn't cry if makeup for everyone fell out of favor.

[umsami]

If my DD wants to occasionally play with make-up, I have no issue with it.

 

I have no issue with nail polish either.

 

Now, if she feels she "has to" wear make-up....or it was becoming a regular thing as a pre-teen, then I'd worry.  

[Upennmama]

No, not at home, not out. And I'd probably not let them for a ballet or dance type performance, but I might for a play wherein the child was supposed to look like someone else, or like she was an old woman or something. I find it um... uncomfortable when a child is wearing makeup for a dance performance. Just my taste, I don't think it's morally bankrupt or anything. :)

 

Same goes for boys. 

 

Mine do all wear chapstick, but that's not really colored. 

[Cottonwood]

I voted that my kid wouldn't be allowed, but I don't care what someone else allows their kid to do.  But I now have to rethink that and add that, at home, DD has been playing with makeup since she was 6.  So I guess my stand would be...........I don't care what other people allow their kids to do when it comes to makeup.  My DD could play with it whenever she ever wanted but could not wear it out of the house till she was 13 and only whatever was agreed upon.  I think we started buying her light lip gloss colors to start...  i guess my answer is a mix of the two.

[Crimson Wife]

I definitely didn't want to look sexually attractive at 9 when I started wearing blush. I just wanted to stop looking unhealthy. It didn't help that I was not just thin but down right scrawny.

[redsquirrel]

I would have said similar in the past, but now I don't see it that way.  I am pretty sure that if my kid heard that the purpose of make-up is to make one look sexually desirable, she would be shocked and horrified.

 

Most women walking around in make-up are not in the least interested in being sexually attractive at that moment.  If that was the case, we could say married women shouldn't go out of the house with make-up on either.

 

My mom used to say that girls doll themselves up to impress other girls more than men.  I think she's definitely on to something there.

 

I was always afraid to wear make-up because it would draw attention, and now I'm too awkward since I never learned how to use it.  I am actually glad my kid is experimenting now so that she doesn't feel awkward later.

 

I understand you might feel that way, but the vast majority of advertising that sells makeup to young women is certainly about looking sexier and more desirable. Once you are more mature it is about looking younger and more desirable. I think it is difficult to argue that it is not part of the point of using makeup.

 

And I don't have have any problem with women, married or not, young or not, wanting to look sexually attractive walking around their own house or down the street. If makeup helps someone to feel pretty and desirable or whatever that is their thing. Why would I say someone shouldn't go out of their own home with makeup if it makes them feel that way? More power to them. How is that shocking or horrifying?

 

People like to look attractive, and desirable. How is that a bad thing for adults? I am not so sure it how I want my 9 year old to feel about his or herself, because a child is generally not wanting to make that sort of impression. There is plenty of time for that and it gets old pretty quickly, lol. Not to mention, I would think a 9 year old wearing cosmetics is going to look fairly silly, like she is walking down the street in her mother's high heels. Now, that might be the point, to let her experiment and have fun. I think that is great.

 

But, if a child who is not really old enough to be dating is feeling the need or is feeling pressured to dress and act older than her years I would be concerned about that. Or if a child of that age had such low self esteem that she didn't think she was 'pretty enough' and putting paint on her face was the only way she could make up some attractiveness deficit, again I would find that sad and concerning. I would feel the same way if an adult felt that insecure, FWIW. In that case, I would honestly suggest therapy because there needs to be a bit of separation of the self from the perceived judgement of others.

 

[*Lulu*]

I bet if we defined "make up" very narrowly there would be almost unanimous agreement here.

 

If make up means "spackled on half an inch thick with enough powder, blush, and eyeshadow for a stage performance of Chicago" I bet most of us wouldn't be alright with that being a regular thing outside of dress up play and performance arts.

 

If make up means "lip gloss and fingernail polish" it becomes a different animal.

 

I personally wear tinted moisturizer and cover girl lip balm. Occasionally I use powder. I haven't worn anything heavier outside of a performance in more than a decade. So when I think about what I wear, I wouldn't have a huge problem if one of my kids approached me and wanted to give it a try.

[shinyhappypeople]

I don't care, as long as it's not too heavy.  It should look somewhat natural and sweet.  Although sparkly lip gloss isn't natural looking, but is totally fine, IMO.

[LMD]

I hate makeup with the fire of a thousand suns. The few times I've tried to wear it as an adult I ended up wiping it all off very quickly - or clawing it off as my skin crawled. The closest thing I have in the house is tinted moisturiser and lipgloss. Those are both years old.

 

My daughter is 9. She has gorgeous skin, long dark eyelashes, big striking eyes. She doesn't need it, I hate the culture that says we have to look perfect and that we 'need' it. I'd be quite firm about it at her age. We have always tried to be careful to impress the idea that image/vanity/outward beauty is not the defining characteristic of a person. There are plenty of other, more productive IMO, ways for her to play with feeling grown up that don't include the (however subtle, but I agree it's there) sexualisation or gender-stereotyping.

 

I know i sound passionate but I honestly don't care one whit about what other families do, though a pre-teen with more than lipgloss is not the norm in my circles.

 

A boy wearing face makeup everyday would be counter cultural here. Again, I truly don't care what other families do.

[Daria]

I can see it as a "dress up" type thing at that age.  I'd allow it outside the house in the same way I let my son wear his Superman cape to the grocery store, or the little girl I tutor wears a pair of ruby slippers every minute that's not school, church, or soccer practice.  

 

My answer would be the same for either gender, although I only have a boy and he's never asked for anything but nail polish.  Since I don't wear make up, I don't keep it in the house.  So when he asked my answer was "sure, you can buy it with your allowance", but by the time we got to a store that sold it he decided it wasn't worth his precious money.  

[SKL]

I understand you might feel that way, but the vast majority of advertising that sells makeup to young women is certainly about looking sexier and more desirable. Once you are more mature it is about looking younger and more desirable. I think it is difficult to argue that it is not part of the point of using makeup.

 

And I don't have have any problem with women, married or not, young or not, wanting to look sexually attractive walking around their own house or down the street. If makeup helps someone to feel pretty and desirable or whatever that is their thing. Why would I say someone shouldn't go out of their own home with makeup if it makes them feel that way? More power to them. How is that shocking or horrifying?

 

People like to look attractive, and desirable. How is that a bad thing for adults? I am not so sure it how I want my 9 year old to feel about his or herself, because a child is generally not wanting to make that sort of impression. There is plenty of time for that and it gets old pretty quickly, lol. Not to mention, I would think a 9 year old wearing cosmetics is going to look fairly silly, like she is walking down the street in her mother's high heels. Now, that might be the point, to let her experiment and have fun. I think that is great.

 

But, if a child who is not really old enough to be dating is feeling the need or is feeling pressured to dress and act older than her years I would be concerned about that. Or if a child of that age had such low self esteem that she didn't think she was 'pretty enough' and putting paint on her face was the only way she could make up some attractiveness deficit, again I would find that sad and concerning. I would feel the same way if an adult felt that insecure, FWIW. In that case, I would honestly suggest therapy because there needs to be a bit of separation of the self from the perceived judgement of others.

 

Does it worry you when a young girl dresses up in princess clothes?  I don't see a big difference.  They are just trying out different looks and having fun with it.  Just because there are some women who use some make-up styles to sell sex does not mean every person who adds a little color to their lips/cheeks/eyes is trying to get laid.

 

Why do we jump to "they feel they have to"?  If a girl puts on nail polish, is it because her self-esteem is low and she thinks her fingers are ugly, or is it because she thinks nail polish is fun?  What about hair pretties?  Do kids who wear barrettes need therapy?  I really don't see a big difference between colors in the hair, on the nails, and on the face.

 

The only reason I hesitate is because I know some people out there would judge me and my kid if she was seen in public with a little make-up on.  I have heard people say things about her little "heels" which are really cute IMO.  I think if other people find it worthwhile to judge a little girl for how she dresses up, then maybe they have a problem with their self-esteem.

[Tanaqui]

 

Idk. it doesn't make sense to me. Make-up is all about - at core - increasing your sexual attractiveness. Sure, it's also a social norm, but that's what it is at heart.

 

No, it's not. Perhaps when you wear make-up, that's what you're thinking about, but there are many other people who have other goals when they wear make-up. Some just like to look different - not "better", just different, like changing clothes. Some - especially younger people - think it makes them look grown-up, like wearing heels instead of sneakers. (And all children want to look grown-up some of the time! That's an essential part of being a child.)

 

I think it's really inappropriate for you to state that something IS about this or that for everybody. You can state that it is that way for you, but you don't get to state that it's that way for everybody.

[weddell]

My 9 yo and her friends like to play with makeup at slumber parties/playdates. I even bought them tacky eye shadow in bright colors once. I wouldn't let her wear it out of the house. I'm fine with nail polish and lightly tinted lip balm. My dd thinks lipsmackers are makeup and I let her wear those to school. It's just an extension of dress up for dd at this point. Unless there was some obvious need, I wouldn't let her wear "real" makeup at this age.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I voted only at home for dress up, but I will occasionally let my DDs have a tiny bit of blush for church (whatever is left on the brush after I've used it). It's a very natural color mineral blush and you can barely see it. Plus they've probably rubbed most of it off by the time we get there. Oh and I do allow painted nails.

 

I voted "other" for boys because it's simply not a situation I've encountered. My sons have displayed zero interest in makeup. Well, my toddler wants his nails painted when the girls have nail polish out, but I don't do it because he'd have it rubbed on any number of surfaces in about three seconds flat.

[bolt.]

I need an option for: "Pretty much any time, but only specially selected very natural-looking types of makeup"

[Tanaqui]

 

Sorry, sexual attractiveness is the original 'why' of make up. Full, pouting lips, big eyes, flushed cheeks - indicators of youth, health and thereby fertility.

 

Okay, and? What does any of this have to do with the price of tea in China? You might as well say that "religion was the original 'why' of writing" or "pornography was the original 'why' of all new media" (and boy howdy, was it ever!) and therefore those things always mean what they "originally" were for.

[chocolatechip]

Other than stage performances or at-home play, I cannot imagine any reason that a 9yo girl should wear make-up.

 

Other than a stage performance, I cannot imagine any reason that a 9yo boy should wear make-up.

This. 

[SKL]

I think creating a new social norm where children 'need' make-up ( and waxing, and hair product and blah blah blah ) is buying into an industry that just wants to make money by expanding their market - and they don't care if that's on the back of female insecurity and they sure as hell don't care if it's on the back of young girls.

 

Again, why are we bringing "need" into it?  Do kids use nail polish and hair pretties and glittery designs on their clothes because they "need" them?  Can't it just be because they think it can be fun?  And who is creating a "social norm"?

 

Did I miss in the OP where a 9yo felt she couldn't be seen in public without make-up on?

 

Waxing is a whole other topic.  If my daughter has a noticeable mustache and she wants it removed, I'm not going to say "no" because nature is so superior to convention.

[Halcyon]

It may have been my comment in the other thread that prompted this post. My DS9 likes to wear makeup sometimes--he peruses fashion magazine and watches youtube videos on makeup and application, and he likes to try out what he learns on himself. 

 

I see no problem with it--if he were doing it to sexualize himself, or "look older", as I know some girls can do, I might. But that's not why he does it.