I wish I could leave my ds9 alone sometimes

[lovinmyboys]

I know there are good reasons (liability) that kids can't be left places unattended, but it is really cramping my style lately.

 

First, I asked at the dentist if he could wait in the waiting room while I got my crown. Nope. Then I was hoping to be able to go to the dr and not take him in the room with me. No again.

 

Next I let him browse books on his own at our library while I had the little guys in the play area. Apparently that is not allowed and I am a very bad mom for doing it.

 

I can't drop him off at baseball practice. I love spending time with him, but I have 3 other children and it is just me. It would make my life so much easier if he didn't have to be in my eyesight all the time, and I am sure he would prefer it as well.

 

What is the age kids can usually be left alone these days? Ftr, he is a very responsible kid. It is never because of his behavior that he gets sent back to me. And he is pretty tall for his age (90%) so it isn't like he looks younger than he is.

[mathnerd]

I can't drop him off at baseball practice. 

That's strange. In my area, even 5 year olds are dropped off at baseball (and swimming and martial arts too) - it is OK if they are picked up on time and it is in their stated policy. I never did it at that age, but at age 7 now, I am beginning to drop him off and then pick him up after sports - sometimes, i will drop in a word with the coach before I leave.

[maize]

I drop Ds 9 off at soccer practice and dance classes, I also leave various ages of kids in the waiting room at the dentist though I know not all offices allow that for liability reasons.

[redsquirrel]

I've never asked if my kid could sit in the waiting room. I just leave him with a book and go in for my appt. No big deal.

 

I don't know about why you can't leave him for baseball practice. I can leave my kid at TKD and ballet. In fact, at 9 he walked himself to ballet (very short walk) and no one thought that was odd. I don't see other parents of 8, 9, 10 year olds at ballet....  My sister routinely drops off her 6 year old at the beginner class, gets her into her ballet shoes and into class, and then leaves, taking her toddler with her, to get coffee. As long as she is back before class ends its not a big deal.

 

Is it a policy at the baseball practice that a parent must be present? I know our local hs'ing co-op has a policy that a 'responsible adult' but be on the premise for each child. So, either a parent must stay or the teacher must be notified that another adult is on the premises and is responsible for that child. It is an insurance issue. If the co-op allows drop off then it technically becomes a daycare type situation and has to have inspections blah blah blah. Much easier to just have a designated adult there for each kid.

 

The library might be a safety issue... I wouldn't let a 9 year old out of my sight at the public library. Book stacks can hid people from view and not everyone in the kid section of the library is a kid.

[kiwik]

Here the legal age for leaving a child alone is 14 but none of those things would count as leaving the child alone. With the dentist I can understand when you are having a that can't be stopped versus a check-up though anprcheck-up d in a large library I can see the PP's point. Baseball seems odd though.

[lovinmyboys]

It is all these places policies. There are so many more that have happened too. I don't usually ask. They come find me and tell me it's not allowed. They always assure me he was being good, but they don't allow unattended children. I just started leaving him over the last few months, but I have gotten so many "be a responsible parent" lectures with him being brought to me lately that I think I won't do it anymore for a while.

 

I was doing a moms group at a church and he worked on schoolwork right outside the door and they told me that isn't allowed. I have to walk him in to his art class even though I can clearly see the classroom from the parking lot and the teacher greats them at the door. He has to stay with me-not just in eyesight- at our children's museum.

 

My ds5 also plays baseball and I stay at his practices (which is why I would like to drop ds9 off). Ds9 can be brought by another parent, but not just dropped off.

 

Some of the rules I understand more than others. I am just frustrated. And I hate the lecture that I get like what kind of parent lets their kid go to the building area while their mom is at the food area right next to it (at the museum).

[Tanaqui]

Wow. None of that raise eyebrows here. Dentist and doctor? Heck yeah they stay in the waiting room while their sibling gets seen (if it's not a routine visit - since their routine visits are always at the same time, it's a lot easier for them to be in the office at the same time), and I don't drag them with me for my visits. Library? At nine, the younger one walks to the library alone. Extracurriculars? The only reason I stay for those is because it'd take me too long to get home, but I often pop out to get myself some fries or to go for a walk or something.

 

Maybe you need to move to another neighborhood? I mean, here even the first and second graders often walk home alone with just an older sibling to accompany them. But this is a poor neighborhood - nobody has the time or manpower to hover over their kids.

 

[knoxinsox]

Its so hard at this age--they want to be independent as much as we want/need them to be.  I have a 9 1/2 yr old and I don't ask at the dentist, etc.  I just send him out to wait and work on his schoolwork.   I drop him off at choir as well while I run errands. My cell # is on their paper work if I am needed. 

He wants to stay home alone as well, but I limit that to a max half hour errand in the daytime...I would not leave him while I did a shopping run of several hours.  He just has to suck it up and go along. (He hates shopping.)  He is very responsible, and safety minded thanks to his dad.

[MinivanMom]

Wow. None of that raise eyebrows here. Dentist and doctor? Heck yeah they stay in the waiting room while their sibling gets seen (if it's not a routine visit - since their routine visits are always at the same time, it's a lot easier for them to be in the office at the same time), and I don't drag them with me for my visits. Library? At nine, the younger one walks to the library alone. Extracurriculars? The only reason I stay for those is because it'd take me too long to get home, but I often pop out to get myself some fries or to go for a walk or something.

 

Maybe you need to move to another neighborhood? I mean, here even the first and second graders often walk home alone with just an older sibling to accompany them. But this is a poor neighborhood - nobody has the time or manpower to hover over their kids.

 

I agree. I live in a very affluent community, and none of those things would raise eyebrows here either.  I started dropping my kids off at practices and activities at around the age of 6, and that's pretty much the norm here. Elementary kids in our neighborhood walk to and from school by themselves, so why can't they walk themselves from your car, parked on the curb, into a building?

 

I think there would be a high-holy uproar in our community if any of the sports leagues required parents to sit through sports practices for 9-yr-olds. Most parents have at least 2 kids, and most kids play more than 1 sport. Logistically, you have to be able to drop them off to juggle all the different practices.

 

OP, when does your league start letting you drop kids off?

[TracyP]

That stuff is a total non-issue around here. My 9yo regularly walks from piano lessons to the library where he looks for books until I pick him up. I haven't left him in a waiting room, but that is because I just leave him at home.

[MiMi 4under3]

I've never asked and it'd never been an issue.

 

I'm almost certain that if I had asked, I'd be denied most of the time.

[lovinmyboys]

I said asked in the op, but I have actually never (or rarely) asked. Several times in the last month someone has come to tell me their policy is no unattended children. I try to tell them he isn't really unattended, but I can't argue too much because it is their building or league or whatever.

 

I would like to fight it a little bit, because I think they are all safe situations and it makes my life easier, but is it worth it? Will it change anything? And is it even my business? It's their private property and their policy.

[lovinmyboys]

[quote name="MinivanMom" post="6260708" timestamp="1427223216

 

OP, when does your league start letting you drop kids off?

 

The next age level up they can be dropped off. So in the fall.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I am a very overprotective mother.  I watch my kids in ways that would cause free-range parents to permanently  roll their eyes at me and write me off as a helicopter mother for life, however I do and have done all of the things you mentioned in the original post.  I have left children younger than 9 in the waiting room of the dentist's office.  For the record we are at the dentist. a. lot. and they know us well plus our dentist's office has a fairly open floor plan and is in a decent area so it is safe.  The children are only left if I know for a fact they will behave, but yeah, I do it and it never occurred to me it wouldn't be okay.

 

Browsing books at the library?  Absolutely!  I often give my children instructions for finding certain books and give them guidelines on where they are to assemble when those books are found then I go off to find my own books and meet back up with them.  This is done weekly.  If they want help from me to find a book, I direct them to the computer system or the children's librarian.  It is a life skill.  Again, the library is in a good area and has an open floor plan.

 

Every sport my children have ever been involved with has been okay with, even encouraged (gymnastics) parents dropping off.  I can't imagine a coach refusing unless they were short on adult volunteers or had children with discipline issues.

[lovinmyboys]

I am feeling a lot better. The lady who lectured me today really hurt my feelings (to be fair I was having a bad day..I don't think it would have on a better day). I was starting to wonder if I was crazy because it didn't even occur to me that leaving him wouldn't be allowed. She aassured me that he was behaving fine.

 

I don't necessarily consider myself a free range parent. I just feel like by age 9 they should be able to sit quietly in a waiting room without a problem. Or outside the door at a bible study. I'm not really sure of the safety issue.

[fairfarmhand]

The only time I was told I needed to stay at a child's sports thing was when my dd's coach was male and they asked me to stay so 2 adults would be present. The other person who worked there had left for an errand unexpectedly. I was happy to hang out until the other lady returned.

 

I don't know what's up with your area. I've left kids younger than 9 in many of the same situations and it's never been an issue.

[SKL]

It's not like that here either.  Our dentist's office suggested leaving kids in the waiting room (mine were 7 at the time).  Our chiropractor and eye doctor also allow this.  Actually the eye doctor would let my kid sit in the waiting room alone for an hour when she was 3.  (I was in another room watching the other kid's vision therapy or eye exam.)

 

I've been dropping my kids off for sports and stuff since they were 6.  Or I let them walk over to the event on their own, and/or come and meet me somewhere else afterward.  It's not like they are "alone."  They are working with a coach and there are usually other adults around.  At the rec center, they aren't allowed to hang out without a parent until age 13, but nobody has ever stopped them from signing themselves in and going to to swim team while I run errands or park the car.

 

At the library, I have been letting my kids go in there and briefly do their thing and come out since they were about 6.  But the library has a policy that you can't leave them in there alone for a long time period under age 12.  Though it's OK if they are in a class.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

I know there are good reasons (liability) that kids can't be left places unattended, but it is really cramping my style lately.

 

First, I asked at the dentist if he could wait in the waiting room while I got my crown. Nope. Then I was hoping to be able to go to the dr and not take him in the room with me. No again.

 

Next I let him browse books on his own at our library while I had the little guys in the play area. Apparently that is not allowed and I am a very bad mom for doing it.

 

I can't drop him off at baseball practice. I love spending time with him, but I have 3 other children and it is just me. It would make my life so much easier if he didn't have to be in my eyesight all the time, and I am sure he would prefer it as well.

 

What is the age kids can usually be left alone these days? Ftr, he is a very responsible kid. It is never because of his behavior that he gets sent back to me. And he is pretty tall for his age (90%) so it isn't like he looks younger than he is.

 

That sounds really strange.... where in the world do you live?

 

Kids here in Maryland can stay home alone at age 8.

 

Mine waits for me in medical/dental waiting rooms all the time. He peruses the library, IKEA, Whole Foods by himself all the time.

 

He spends hours and hours playing outside in the woods, with or without neighborhood kids.

 

I frequently drop him off at practices, sports when we did them, and martial arts now.

 

Of course, just because he can do all those things doesn't mean it always happens. I enjoy doing a lot of those things with him, but I only have the one other child to attend to.

[fraidycat]

Where do you live!?

 

My 9 year old:

 

Walks to/from school alone.

Gets dropped off at basketball practice, martial arts, etc.

Gets dropped off at the swimming pool for public swimming with friends.

Stays home alone if I'm just running out to pick-up or drop off his sister at activities - so 30 minutes, or less.

Stays in the vehicle reading or listening to the radio when I go grocery shopping.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I would have no trouble leaving my 9yo in any of the situation you've described.  At the dentist she is free to sit in the waiting room or walk back to where I am to check up on me.  For perspective, she has been coming to that dentist with me and her older siblings since she was still in a carseat.  They used to call her the singing baby.  She is totally comfortable there.  I drop her for soccer practice if I have errands to run, as do most of the other parents.  Kids quietly roaming the library is encouraged, though they discourage unaccompanied groups from using it as a hang-out.  As long as she's looking for books or reading, it's no problem at all.  

 

I wonder what it is about the culture where you live that it is expected that you accompany your 9yo everywhere you go.

[emzhengjiu]

When I worked in an office, we had a policy that all children under about 12 had to be with an adult.  We had several problems with kids misbehaving when left alone.  It took time from our work to deal with the kids.  One time a child about 7 or 8 walked out the front door.  The parent blamed the staff for not watching her child.  Thankfully, the kid was nearby and fine, but the parent was so angry.  My daughters are teens now, but when they were younger many of their classes required an adult be present during the class because several parents would be late picking up their children and the teachers or staff couldn't leave until the children were picked up.

[luuknam]

I've left my 4yo and my 7.5yo alone in similar situations without issue, even when I asked. Not everywhere... there definitely are places where they don't want a 4yo or even a 7.5yo to be alone. But there are enough places where they don't mind at all.

 

Dentist: dentist would be okay with me and 7.5yo having appt at same time, which would mean he might be done sooner than I am. 7.5yo prefers I stay with him though, so haven't done that. I had the 4yo and 7.5yo's appts sequentially the other day, and I was in with the 4yo while 7.5yo did his homework in the waiting area. That said, I could see him from the exam room, so it doesn't really count.

 

My psychiatrist's office has been okay with leaving 4yo in waiting area or both 4yo and 7.5yo in waiting area (which seems more like a recipe for misbehaving to me). I try to plan appts without them though, so I haven't had the opportunity to ask every place.

 

My local library has a sign on the children's area that says: "Please don't leave children under 6 unattended in children's area". I'm not entirely sure what they mean by that. I'll walk around the children's area browsing the shelves all the time while my 4yo or both kids play with the toys or are on the computer. No, I can't see them, but I can definitely hear them if they exceed my perception of what's acceptable in a library, and I'd also be there in a couple of seconds if they get to loud. They also conveniently put the computers with the catalogs on the other side of the library, so I've started to walk back and forth there while leaving 4yo in children's area 'unattended'. Straight line of sight though, and not long. My most recent addition to stretching the rule is to very briefly browse in the adult area. No line of sight, but very brief. I'm pretty sure that that's something they don't want, but they haven't commented. In the past I'd drag my kids out of the children's area along with me when I browse the adult area, and they get noisy and whiny because they don't like it. So, I'm pretending that "Please don't leave children under 6 unattended in children's area" means to not leave the building while I have a kid under 6 in the children's area (which of course would be a big no-no). Maybe that *is* what it means, but I suspect they don't want people leaving their kids while browsing. I'm not going to ask for clarification. I'm sure they'll let me know if I'm going too far.

 

Taekwondo is okay with kids being dropped off and have a rule you can't be more than 15 min late to pick them up. They start at 3yo, but classes for that age are 30 min. At 4yo my son's class is 45 min, which is still not enough time to go somewhere really.

 

Our state doesn't have laws about what age you can leave a child home alone. I leave my 7.5yo home alone sometimes, which he loves (I give him the iPad while I'm gone). Of course, that's not for hours or anything.

 

ETA: I left my 4yo in the school's front office during my older's son's IEP meeting. I asked first, they said okay, I handed him my phone, and he was very well behaved according to the staff (well duh, he had a phone with games on it - sound off).

[SparklyUnicorn]

Only one place I've been to with kids' activities where it was not allowed to drop them off.  In terms of waiting areas, I just have them sit there.  I don't ask.  Once one of mine was really little and I could not have him sit in the waiting area.  I broke my foot.  I was new to the area and had nobody to watch him.  So I just brought him in.  When I had to get an x-ray the staff was kind enough to keep an eye on him for a minute.  I did not leave mine home alone at 9 though.

 

The library has never said anything about my kids browsing without me on top of them.  They do have rules about kids being left completely alone in the library, but them looking a few shelves down isn't exactly alone.  Not like I dropped them off. 

 

Wish I had advice, but I've just not encountered this very many times at all myself. 

 

 

 

[lovinmyboys]

Kidnapping? Hurting themselves? I don't know if you're talking about an interior or exterior door.

 

It is an interior door. The chance of him getting hurt or kidnapped is so small that it really can't be considered a "safety issue"

[Paige]

What part of the country do you live in? It seems like you may be in an exceptionally helicopter-ish area because it seems a little abnormal.

 

I actually had a note sent home from school when my DS was in 2nd grade w/ guidance about when to leave kids. It said to begin leaving children alone for short trips (20-30min) when they were 9 and to gradually build up the time alone until 13 when they could babysit. In some places, that would be illegal, but I liked it. It makes sense to slowly and steadily build up the time alone before children are expected to be independent. I began leaving DS alone at 9, per the guidance, for little trips and he was fine. I'd leave him for things like dropping his sister off at preschool which was 10min away. We dropped off at sports and clubs from the age of 5, but usually stayed nearby. 

 

Then, we moved, and in the new area, which is actually a much safer and more rural area, nobody would leave a 12yr old alone for any period. I was surprised because I thought farm children were more independent but I guess most of the kids here aren't truly on farms. I sucked it up for a while and took the kids with me everywhere or got babysitters. My kids are really good at waiting patiently in waiting rooms. One doctor, however, said that no children other than the patient are allowed in the office and if I left the kids (10yrs) in the waiting room they'd call DFACS!. I think I posted about that here. Screw that. I just left my kids at home again and we are all much happier. You have to know your kids- there was a time when I wouldn't leave my 13yr old for 10min because he was having issues, but now those are resolved and he's ok on his own again.

[Tanaqui]

One doctor, however, said that no children other than the patient are allowed in the office and if I left the kids (10yrs) in the waiting room they'd call DFACS!

 

Say what???

 

[Rachel]

I think you should be able to leave your 9 year old. I had to bring all three kids to my last eye appointment and it took forever. They stayed in the waiting room during the exam by themselves and they are 7, 5,and 2. It's a fairly small practice but I didn't ask, I just did it because I didn't have another option. Ideally I wouldn't have had them with me. By 9 they should be able to wait unattended most places though. Especially if I'm on site.

[gerka528]

We live on a military base, so of course there is an instruction for when kids can be left home alone, play at the park, ect. Kids 6 and under have to have a parent with them at all times, kids 7-9 can play at the park with parent within visual contact. Once the kids are 10 they can roam the base and go anywhere without supervision. One of the contradictions with the policy is that once the kids are in 1st grade and up they can walk to and from school and activities alone. So my 7 and 8 year old can't wait in the car while I run into the post office, but can walk across base to dance class alone.

[goldberry]

Agreeing with everyone else, none of that sound irresponsible.  I think you are being normal.

[Anne in CA]

I agree with everyone else that YOU are the normal one. There is something about this community that has everyone on edge. There must have been some incidents that you are unaware of that have made the community this way. Or, there may be some truly awful families (the kind whose kids can do no wrong) who have caused the community to set up these standards. 

[kitten18]

It is all these places policies. There are so many more that have happened too. I don't usually ask. They come find me and tell me it's not allowed. They always assure me he was being good, but they don't allow unattended children. I just started leaving him over the last few months, but I have gotten so many "be a responsible parent" lectures with him being brought to me lately that I think I won't do it anymore for a while.

 

I was doing a moms group at a church and he worked on schoolwork right outside the door and they told me that isn't allowed. I have to walk him in to his art class even though I can clearly see the classroom from the parking lot and the teacher greats them at the door. He has to stay with me-not just in eyesight- at our children's museum.

 

My ds5 also plays baseball and I stay at his practices (which is why I would like to drop ds9 off). Ds9 can be brought by another parent, but not just dropped off.

 

Some of the rules I understand more than others. I am just frustrated. And I hate the lecture that I get like what kind of parent lets their kid go to the building area while their mom is at the food area right next to it (at the museum).

I would be frustrated too, that all sounds ridiculous.

[luuknam]

I actually had a note sent home from school when my DS was in 2nd grade w/ guidance about when to leave kids. It said to begin leaving children alone for short trips (20-30min) when they were 9 and to gradually build up the time alone until 13 when they could babysit.

 

I would second gradually building it up. I'd also say it varies per child, and that a note sent home is probably going to put the ages on the high side so they can cover the age at which almost all kids have the right amount of maturity. Kind of like how you're supposed to keep little things away from kids under 3. My kids didn't put little things in their mouths after 15 months or so, and I would imagine that most kids probably stop that by 2yo, so that by 3yo almost all kids don't do it anymore.

 

I started leaving my oldest home alone to pick my youngest up from daycare (a block away) when my oldest was 6-6.5. When there was too much snow this winter so that my youngest (4yo) would just mess it up too much (snow piled up on both sides of the sidewalk about as tall as he was), I left him inside while I shoveled outside. Not home alone, obviously, but not exactly supervised either. Of course, some kids will decide to turn on your gas stove while you're out of the room for a minute. Those kids need closer supervision. I'm pretty lucky mine are pretty safe (and I think that really is mostly luck).

[blue daisy]

I would have no problem dropping my 9 year old off at practice or having him wait for me in a waiting room. I let him wander and browse in the library as long as he's in the same general area as me. I'm sorry people are giving you a hard time about this.

[Word Nerd]

None of those situations would even be leaving your DS "alone."

[MrsBasil]

When I worked in a medical we stopped allowing minor children to be left unattended in the waiting room after two separate instances of children playing tag, jumping on chairs, tearing up magazines, and leaving the waiting room. In one case the kids were about 8 and 10 and in the other 9 and 7. In one case, the parent was embarassed and apologized, but implied the receptionists should have acted as baby sitters. In the other, the parent was annoyed the receptionists didn't act as a baby sitter.

 

In both cases, the children refused to listen to the receptionists when we repeatedly asked them to stop.

[Loowit]

Usually it only takes one or two problems with children for a place to make a blanket statement about ages children can be left unattended.  While your child may be perfectly able to behave, not all children are and most places IME would rather have a blanket policy to avoid arguments.

 

Sports practices around here really vary.  My children have all played soccer, and there is no league policy on leaving children at practices.  It is up to each coach to come up with their own policy.  I have only had one coach that insisted that children must have a responsible adult there with each child.  He was a great coach but expected parents to be on hand to handle discipline problems.  There were a number of children that were quite a handful, so I really understood his policy.

 

I never leave my 9 year old anywhere with out myself or another adult, but that is due to his individual needs.  My older two I was leaving in situations like you describe with no problem.  If I couldn't leave them it would have been a big problem because it would really limit my ability to do various activities for each of my children.

[lovinmyboys]

In my world, the policies would be based on behavior-not age. Playing tag and jumping on chairs is not appropriate behavior no matter what age. No matter what age is set, I am sure someone over that limit will one day not behave right. Then the age just gets upped again.

[idnib]

Hmm. My dentist's admin laughed when I tried to reschedule an appointment because my childcare fell through. She said everyone brings their kids 5+ and they just hang out in the waiting room while the parent goes in.

 

Our doctor has a lot of stuff for the kids to do (and fun little chairs for them to boot) while the parents are in the exam room.

 

Our library has signs for not leaving kids under 10 unless they are in a program like the book club or something else supervised.

 

I did have a good giggle when you followed "cramping my style" with getting a dental crown as an example. I was expecting something more...party-ish.

[luuknam]

I did have a good giggle when you followed "cramping my style" with getting a dental crown as an example. I was expecting something more...party-ish.

 

It was gold! I'd imagine, since I'm not the OP. Gold is party-ish, right?

[lovinmyboys]

It's been a rough year. Getting a crown while my kids waited in the waiting room would have been a party 😄. But, alas, I had to shell out the money for a babysitter.

[Garga]

OP, do you look especially young? I can't imagine someone lecturing me with my grey streak in my hair (it's a really cool streak! I love it!), but I can imagine someone trying to get away with lecturing a very young looking woman. Or are you covered in tattoos or something and they just assume you're not responsible?

 

It sounds like it's either the area you live in or people are stuck up and snobby against you for some reason like for your age or edgy looks or something along those lines.

[lovinmyboys]

OP, do you look especially young? I can't imagine someone lecturing me with my grey streak in my hair (it's a really cool streak! I love it!), but I can imagine someone trying to get away with lecturing a very young looking woman. Or are you covered in tattoos or something and they just assume you're not responsible?

 

It sounds like it's either the area you live in or people are stuck up and snobby against you for some reason like for your age or edgy looks or something along those lines.

I actually was just thinking about this and I think you are right that some of it may be my appearance. I probably look a little young for my age (32). I have painful varicose veins so I prefer to wear comfy shoes as that seems to help the most. So, I often do the workout clothes look (yoga pants, athletic shoes, ponytail)..which does make me look younger and less "professional" (not sure that is the right word). Nothing edgy about my appearance though.

 

The lectures I have gotten have all been from women over 60. And I think I just don't respond correctly. They mostly go "of course he can't stay here alone...what about his safety?" Then I say "I'm not sure how he is unsafe." And I think that gives them the opening to launch. This all really just started happening the last few months, so I wanted to make sure I wasn't out of line.

 

Also, I do think a lot of places around here have "unaccompanied minor" policies. It seems to be a thing.

[Tanaqui]

 

The lectures I have gotten have all been from women over 60. And I think I just don't respond correctly. They mostly go "of course he can't stay here alone...what about his safety?" Then I say "I'm not sure how he is unsafe." And I think that gives them the opening to launch. This all really just started happening the last few months, so I wanted to make sure I wasn't out of line.

 

"Are you saying that you like to harm children? No? Then I'm sure he's perfectly safe."

 

Or, less aggressive - "Thanks for your concern. He'll be fine."

 

Don't say the words "I'm not sure...", because that lets the old biddies feel you want their input. And it doesn't sound like you do.

[luuknam]

The lectures I have gotten have all been from women over 60. And I think I just don't respond correctly. They mostly go "of course he can't stay here alone...what about his safety?" Then I say "I'm not sure how he is unsafe." And I think that gives them the opening to launch.

 

Yes, that gives them an opening. I'd reply with "He's nine", in a "of course he's old enough to stay alone" way. Since they're over 60, if they feel the need to continue to pursue this even after you tell them he's nine, you could ask them what their parents did when they were nine, if they survived (obviously), and why things would be different now since the crime rate is actually lower now. Or, you could just tell them to mind their own grandchildren.

[Momling]

That's nuts!

 

I'd leave a nine year old at home when you have appointments in the future.

 

I'd also just drop off at practices. That makes no sense that you would need to stay.

 

Our library is fine with unsupervised kids as long as they are not getting into trouble and know the plan.

[Ausmumof3]

I haven't read the whole thread. I'm pretty sure you could leave them in the waiting room. But once you officially ask and they officially say yes that would make them more liable if something went wrong.

 

Either that or they don't have working with children checks.

[mamaraby]

Don't say the words "I'm not sure...", because that lets the old biddies feel you want their input. And it doesn't sound like you do.

This. I was once on the rceiving end of a lecture about socks on my 10mo when it was 60 degrees out. She had serious doubts about my ability to keep my child healthy and safe. I'm agree with luuknam. Be confident with your response. The issue is with them, not with you.