BlsdMama Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I didn't give it any thought with my first two sons. But now.... it seems so cruel. DH is for. I'm against. I refused it in the hospital as we got out early. It's important to him. The other two are circ'd. I really am NOT a fan. Would you? Did you? It's not that big of a deal.... I guess. My mountain is another person's molehill? :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I can't think of any circumstance where I would circumcise a baby. I'm sorry you're struggling with this, though. I was lucky that my DH was on the same page with regard to this issue. It would have been a deal-breaker for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I didn't give it any thought with my first two sons. But now.... it seems so cruel. DH is for. I'm against. I refused it in the hospital as we got out early. It's important to him. The other two are circ'd. I really am NOT a fan. Would you? Did you? It's not that big of a deal.... I guess. My mountain is another person's molehill? :( as far as I'm concerned, surgery is always a big deal. If you don't do it he can have it done later. If you do it, he can never have it undone. As for it looking like the brothers, what are the chances they are going to have look a like penises anyway? Those things tend to vary quite a bit, lol. Seriously, I don't think any kids are complaining that their penises don't match. Any more than my sister and I expected to have matching breasts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Also, if circumcision is important to your husband, he should be circumcised. I'm assuming he probably is. But at this point you don't know how your son will feel about it, and it's his penis. He will have to live with it the rest of his life. Let him make the call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I voted yes because your dh has a strong opinion. I did not circ. my boys, but if my dh had felt strongly about it I would have done it. It wasn't a hill I was willing to die on, if you KWIM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I made the choice about circumcision for each of my sons based on my best understanding of pros and cons at the time. I did not make the same decision with each, and did not worry about whether they would look like each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneangelwaiting Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My three oldest boys are circumcised because their biological mother wanted it done. DS5 didn't have it done until he was 18 months old; he was in my care so I had to take him do to it despite my objections (foster parents have no medical rights!). I was scarred for life but I'm sure he doesn't remember it at all. Bio mom didn't even bother showing up to the procedure so yeah, I'm a little bitter about it. DH was pro-cicumcision, but I asked him to please research it, maybe watch a video or two. He decided not to and said I could just do what I wanted, so DS1 is not circumcised. If DH would have insisted I would have given in but refused to take DS1 to have it done, also refused to care for it. Not as an act of defiance, but I guess if he wanted it done badly enough then hopefully he would have taken some responsibility for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 The only way I would be okay with having a circumcised son is if I adopted and the child came that way. At one point when DH and I discussed it, I made it clear I'd not have it--to the point that if he tried to go against my wishes in the matter I'd leave him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 It's a very, very hot button "Mommy Wars" issue but you are not alone and lots of moms have some sons that are and others who aren't. ds1 didn't even notice that penii came in two "flavours" until he was 13. I can PM you some links to check out and maybe show your dh when I have a bit more internet time, but I don't want to post them publicly for pretty much the same reasons I don't want to talk about my political and religious beliefs. ETA: can we please give BlsdMama (the OP) the benefit of the doubt on this? Anyone who has spent any amount of time on the internet has probably accidentally opened SOME can of worms that they didn't know was a can of worms at some point. If you take the time to look at her profile, you can see how obvious it is that she's not a troll and that she trusts us to give her information or at least point her in the right direction to start her own research. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I have seen these threads, and they always get emotional, especially once Spy Car gets here. I am not very interested in the topic personally, but most anti-circ posts include the claim that, if only one knew enough, one wouldn't do it. I know men who were circumcised way past the newborn stage, without anesthesia, remember the experience completely, and are big fans and are quite pleased with how it turned out and have zero emotional or physical trauma because of it. I am apparently the only one on these boards (!) who mentions this so I will just say that and leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Personally I would let dad decide this one. He has more skin in the game (so to speak). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My boys are, I would not again. Even if dh wanted to. I won't judge another person choice. We encountered complications. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 No. My dh tried to make a similar argument, about penises looking similar--you know that weird locker room argument. So I asked him if he EVER saw ANY of his friends' penises. No, absolutely not. Guys don't compare penises any more than girls compare bare breasts. That's just silly. I also think it's strange to defer to a husband just because he also has a penis. It's not HIS penis that's in question here. He doesn't own your son's penis any more than you do (which is not at all). When we went through this and we were at an impasse, we decided that the fairest thing to do was to leave it at its default: uncircumcised. If dh could later convince me to circumcise, we could still do that. But if we circumcised and then I later convinced him that shouldn't have, there was no going back. Incidentally, when ds was about two months old, dh read an article in The Economist about female circumcision and it totally convinced him. He was so glad we hadn't done it. So anyway, there's always time to "undo" the choice to not circumcise, but you can't undo circumcision. There's no reason to rush the decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie75 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My older boys are circ'd, they are 8 and 9, and we didn't circ our 18 month old boy. You know, my older two haven't even mentioned that the younger's look different. It hasn't been an issue at all. I am SO GLAD I stuck with my guns and convinced my DH to not circ him. DH was adament about circing the older two and I regret not putting my foot down then. DH was fine with not circing our youngest though. Times are a changin'. I am so glad to see issues like this and breastfeeding being discussed and seeing so much support for the natural way of things. 10 years ago I knew one mom out of probably 20 who decided to not circ her boy. I would guess that number is much higher now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Personally I would let dad decide this one. He has more skin in the game (so to speak No, he doesn't. Only the child does. And mom, if she is doing most of the diaper changing, actually has more to do with it than Dad does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Just anecdotal, I know, but my father-in-law had to have it done when he was in his 50s because of some medical reason. Can't remember if he kept getting infections, or what the deal was. I haven't researched it myself, since I have only girls, so I have no idea how common such a thing is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Also, yes, it is more of an issue to have it done later. However, it is even MORE of an issue to try to undo it later. So that argument never made much sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My older son is circ'd. I didn't realize that people didn't, it just seemed like that was the expectation. DH and I never discussed it, I think we just both assumed it was what was done. After he was born I started to see the mommy debates about the whole thing. When I got pg with my second boy I research and prayed and when he was born I still hadn't decided. However, he was born not breathing and with a stay in the NICU and I just refused to put him through any more pain especially for a procedure that I didn't find compelling evidence was necessary. My boys are 11 and 8 and they don't compare. They know that one is circ'd and the other isn't but it is not a big deal. They look different in other ways too, not a big deal. My DH has no more say than I do in medical decisions regardless of the body part. We discuss and if the procedure is optional both of us have to be on board or it isn't done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I'm not going to go mommy wars on this one. To keep it simple, I'd hold off. It's irreversible and can wait. He can always get it done later if he wants. If there are medical benefits, he can still get them, if he chose too. There is no harm in waiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Two of my boys are and two aren't. I had the first one very young and didn't think to even question it. When my second son was born, dh wanted it, and I didn't, but I deferred to him. Our OB wouldn't do circs so we had to go to the other dr in her practice who did it in her office. I insisted dh hold the baby and deal with it since he wanted it done. I was in the room, though I sat where I couldn't see. It was traumatic and I was very sorry I went along with it. My other sons were born at home and I told dh I refused to have it done. Having seen it first hand, and having learned more about it, he was in agreement. My boys haven't compared penises and haven't noticed any difference between them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I have curly hair. Most people don't have curly hair. I am not bothered by it and I don't straighten my hair. More people see my hair than would see someone's penis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 As they say, when you know better you do better. There is no reason to circ a baby. Look at it this way, if you wouldnt circ your daughter why would you circ your son? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 If the other brothers are circ'd….and the Dad (who has the same equipment) feels strongly for it, then I would go ahead. (More weight to the Dad's opinion vs. the brother factor.) I have a good friend whose been in Africa on public health project circumcising men. There has been a lot of recent studies through the WHO and others that show it does have benefits. It is far easier/safer as an infant/newborn, too. (Edited to add, I'm not going to debate the merit of studies here. Been on two many anti-circ threads on other boards to go there. She and her group are heavily involved in the Public Health arena…have received awards for it….and are well-viewed in the AIDS prevention community. Many of her colleagues were shot down in the Ukraine plane disaster. The scientists/physicians who are involved believe that it works. That is their specialty. If you are an HIV specialist and would like to debate them at the next Intenrnational AID conference, feel free. I don't think this is the place.) If it was a medical procedure for my daughters, I would expect my opinion to weigh more because I'm a woman. I think the same holds for sons/fathers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I would usually say no way, but in this case, I wouldn't dig in my heels too hard. But I also wouldn't make the appointment and take the child. If Dad feels that strongly, he can take care of all of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I circ'd ds1 because I did not know better. I knew better with ds2 but circ'd per then h's insistence. I should not have. I am already sad at the misinformation in this thread. Issues if cleanliness and infection and having to circ at a later date are issues created by a culture that lost the medical art of intact penis care - which is essentially do nothing but simple cleaning and never forcibly retract. In cultures in which penises are left intact, adult circs are unheard of and infections uncommon and the remedy is not to "circ" and not being circ'd is not blamed. DH's responses in the US are born of having lived in this culture, not from a medically informed place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I am already sad at the misinformation in this thread. Issues if cleanliness and infection and having to circ at a later date are issues created by a culture that lost the medical art of intact penis care - which is essentially do nothing but simple cleaning and never forcibly retract. In cultures in which penises are left intact, adult circs are unheard of and infections uncommon and the remedy is not to "circ" and not being circ'd is not blamed. DH's responses in the US are born of having lived in this culture, not from a medically informed place. Completely agree. I come from a culture where circumcision is not done except for religious reasons. It is not even discussed at all among the general population because there seems to be no issue that would make it medically necessary - unless 2012 when lawmakers were debating whether it should be made illegal. It is still legal because religious freedom created an unsolvable conundrum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 No, I wouldn't. I have one blonde son. The rest of us all have brown hair. He was sad for a while about how he was different from the rest of us. He survived. One of the males in my house is circumcised. The others are not. It's never been an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Also, I'll just say that nobody gets to pull the "I have a penis/vagina" card in this house. We play by the "one no equals no" rules. Even though I'm the one with the lady parts to carry a baby, we didn't have another until we were both on the same page. We agreed on this issue, but even if we hadn't, he would not have gotten his way just because he has a penis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in OK Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My personal choice and based on the information/research about circumcision…absolutely not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Would you cut the genitals of a daughter so they looked like her sister's or yours? To me, that just seems sick. Why is it so difficult to decide when it comes to boys then? I don't know! Why is it genital mutilation to girls, but not boys? This is a fantastic article (against circumcision) with a lot of research in it and the history of why it was even started in the US, which is not the current reasons it is still being done (cleanliness, social, less STDs.) It also includes functions of the foreskin and risks of the procedure. http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/fleiss.html Is your dh open to discussing it? You both should list the main reasons for your stance and openly discuss it. DH and I were always on the same page, so I didn't have to go through it like you. I think a part of dad that struggles is maybe they were 'wronged' and don't want to admit it/grieve it (although many do not feel that way either.) I also would not do something unnecessary to my child, and I view it as unnecessary (of course some DO think it's necessary!) Good luck :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Personally I would let dad decide this one. He has more skin in the game (so to speak). Dad has no skin in the game. It's not his penis any more than it's mom's. That's like saying female circumcision is okay because it's usually the child's mother who arranges it. Children too young to consent in any way should not have their genitals altered or cut upon unless there is a life or death necessity. Full stop. To the OP: we are very much in the midst of a cultural shift on this. If you don't do it and your son later wants it, it can be done. Once done, it cannot be undone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 I am really sorry I posted. my sincerest apologies on this as Itry to avoid controversial topics, not start them..... as can beseen by my extensive history on the board. Goodness, I generally avoid large family threads, lol. I will say everyone is giving their two cents to me in a very calm, composed manner and sounds respectful and I appreciate it more than you know. I'll be honest, his argument has been we've done it to the other birds, and, lol, I haven't known what to say to that. I really didn't think about the fact that no, one generally does NOT compare genitalia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Just anecdotal, I know, but my father-in-law had to have it done when he was in his 50s because of some medical reason. Can't remember if he kept getting infections, or what the deal was. I haven't researched it myself, since I have only girls, so I have no idea how common such a thing is. Extremely uncommon outside a culture where circumcision is normative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Dad circ'd here. Three boys not. I argued they could always have it done later if they wanted. No takers so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 FWIW, we had a similar impasse and for me, I said I'd consider it if DH was willing to watch a few circ videos himself, research about why it was important and work to convince me it really was important to him (and why it would be good). IIRC, I also found a number of articles for him to read about circumcision in general (worldwide rates, scientific journal stuff). Laying a case of his own was too much work for my DH, so it really wasn't that important of an issue for him - the way discussions went it seemed it was, but when it got down to it, nope. If he would have cared that much, he could have done a few hours of research and worked to lay a case for it. So, perhaps a similar approach would be useful in your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 For me the worry wouldn't be about "he can't have it undone" as I don't know if many men wish to undo it. But for me the worry would be more about does it hurt/extent of pain? Even reading about adult men's experiences doesn't answer that question for me. Some say it was painless while other said the opposite. I don't want to turn this into a debate, but I will say that my DS that had the procedure was in a lot of pain afterward for days while it healed, especially every time he urinated. He doesn't remember it, but that pain shouldn't me minimized. I recall reading that healing takes longer for an adult, however, that is a part of the choice an adult can make about their own body with their own freewill. My DS can never go back and have it undone and had no choice whether to be in pain or not. Sometimes we have to put our children through painful medical procedures because it is for their benefit such as my children having heart surgery, tethered cord repair, orchiopexy, etc. Those surgeries had an important medical benefit. I don't feel like the potential medical benefit of circumcision was worth the pain that I caused my son. I wish I had known better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My husband felt it was important, and I didn't have strong feelings on it, so we went with his opinion on it. However you decide is fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyx4 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I knew someone who's insurance only covered it for X number of days after the birth. (Dodging the question but just answering in case finances are tight) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I went with what my husband wanted when it came to circumcision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Nope. My boys are mismatched. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 With our first, we didn't know better. We did it because everyone did it. With my second, I did a lot more research and could not find a good reason to do it, but we were very concerned what our buttinsky family would say and how my child would be treated by my family. With my third, we grew a backbone and decided that, if we had a boy, we would not circumcise. The point was moot - we had a girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy_of_4 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Yup. My two boys are circd and any future boys will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I am in the anti-circ group. My dh and I were on the same page. There haven't been any problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 We had to circ my ds when he was 2.5 due to repeat infections. Our other two were circ'd at birth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Whether or not I'd circumcise any son, doing it just so he can match his brother seems... well, I'll say it, it seems frivolous. If his brother was a girl, you wouldn't cut it off entirely so they'd match. If his brother had, I don't know, a missing finger you wouldn't cut that off either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upennmama Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Matching genitals would never be an issue for me. I would make the best decision for my son at the time, and it would have nothing to do with the dad or brothers. I have one adopted son who was circed before we got him, and my biological son is not circed. I don't think it's something that would ever occur to them to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 With our first I left it up to dh because I didn't really care either way. I didn't do any research on it and really thought nothing of it. He decided to have our oldest circumcised. With our other son I had decided that unnecessary surgery was stupid and didn't want him to have it. Before I even brought it up to my dh he told me that he didn't want anymore of our sons to be circumcised! So one is and one is not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammyw Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 My husband was circ'd but our son was not. If anything, my husband wishes he never had been. I don't understand circumcision "just because everyone else is doing it", but I tend to go against the crowd anyway (homeschooling, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc.) This is just one of those things you'll have to figure out within your family, but definitely do the research before making such a huge decision. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 It is a big hot button for me, and no, I wouldn't do it just so he'd be like his brothers. Sometimes we learn new information that leads us to different choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeenagerMom Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 This won't be a popular answer but yes, I would circ any additional boys that I had and do not regret circing DS after working with the geriatric population for the last 3 years. My experience is purely anecdotal but I have seen more UTIs in intact elderly men than circed. I have also seen other health complications they can have like severe yeast infections, etc because they cannot clean themselves as well, etc. I have also seen some scary issues with foley catheters & intact foreskins being torn by dementia patients trying to yank them out. Then when you add in the amount of times I have had men with dementia get combative while trying to get them cleaned correctly after bm incontinence, that cements in my mind that I made a good decision for my DS who is prone to UTIs anyway due to a hernia on his bladder & kidney reflux. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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