Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 So smarty pants me (with the consent of my doc) thought I could get off my ssri. Let's just say.......that was a big. fat. oops. crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Sorry to hear this. That's a bummer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 yea/ i think when i woke up this morning and realized that, since saturday afternoon i have slept a total of 35 hours...well, that was kind of a tip off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: it's great that you were able to recognize it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: I'm happy you are doing something about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 thanks ATFm. Actually i thought i just had a bad virus. Well, except i have zero symptoms except complete lethargy, fatigue, no motivation, inability to get out of bed, and no appetite. That could be a virus, I suppose. But I doubt it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: I'm happy you are doing something about it. Yep. Back on meds. Trying to walk daily. Much less school work. Lots of DVDs, take out and sleep. And prayer. I really thought I could do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Occasionally Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Yep. Back on meds. Trying to walk daily. Much less school work. Lots of DVDs, take out and sleep. And prayer. I really thought I could do this. You are doing it--you're taking care of yourself. If what you need right now is meds, then so be it. It's great you recognize it in yourself, and can take the steps you need. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks for saying so, Sara. But I feel like a total failure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Would you feel like a failure if you needed insulin? This is very similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I just feel utterly non-functioning. My uncle and aunt whom i havent seen for years are coming into town tomorrow to visit my dad and I told my dad i couldnt even make it over there to see them. I said I had the flu. dh is travelling, so i need to be "on" for the kids, but I'm not. I am very much NOT "on". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: It's okay. It really is no different from insulin, as a PP noted. I know I need them too. I hope you feel back to functioning soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks for saying so, Sara. But I feel like a total failure. A failure would let pride and desire take the driver's seat. That's the opposite of what you're doing! Sara's correct, and this is just a speed bump; it always feels bigger when you hit it .. but then you finally make it over, and watch it shrink in the rearview mirror. :grouphug: Keep watching the mirror, you're further over the bump than you realize! I can see it, so it must be so. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You're my hero for recognizing it so fast. It's not a failure. This isn't something you can think yourself out of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Just adding my voice to those who are cheering your decision to take good care of yourself!!! :grouphug: :grouphug: Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 You are doing great things, getting healthy and sharing. Without knowing it you are no doubt encouraging someone else to get help, take their meds, go for a walk, prayer... Do you need to see your doctor? Praying you start feeling better soon. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbbulliv Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 If you live in the north you might consider a bright light. I am loving mine right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I am sorry, and I do understand a bit of how you are feeling. I tried going off meds a few times and it didn't work. I hope you are feeling better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: Take the time you need to heal now, or you'll need a lot more of it later. Coming off those meds is so, so hard. I think of depression as being stuck in a deep pit, and meds are one of the tools you can use to get yourself out, like a shovel. It is okay to need tools. And you know what? Sometimes you use that shovel effectively and carve yourself a stairway out of the walls of the pit. And you think, "I don't need this tool anymore, I must be just about out!" And then the stairway collapses and you're back at the bottom, covered in muck. I'm really impressed that you said "Argh, I need my shovel again." That's the first step is knowing that you need your tools. You are going to need every tool at your disposal to get out of this pit. And it might take a really long time. That's okay. But hopefully, once you're out, you'll know how to stay far, far away from that pit. In my experience, the pit will always be there. You'll always be aware of it. That's really scary. But maybe you can know how to avoid falling in or being pushed in. Or maybe become more efficient at getting yourself out. I wish you all the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 If you live in the north you might consider a bright light. I am loving mine right now. I was considering getting a Happy Light myself. Not to hijack... :grouphug: Halycon. Agreeing with PP. I am in the same boat. If you need it, you need it; nothing to feel badly about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 (((hugs))) You will be back soon. Stopping the SSRI was a reasonable thing to try. That now is not the time to do so does not in any way make you a failure. Sending you some love, Halcyon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Thanks everyone. I've tried to stop my ssri in the past, although not for 4 years. I thought things were going so well in my life i didn't need them. Silly me, that's not how depression works, is it? We're going to rent a funny movie tonight and heat up something frozen. Just the thought of cooking... I feel so badly for my boys. I am just not myself. eta: thanks for everyone posting. it does make me feel better. i just wish i didnt need meds to feel "normal". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 BTDT and even learned that I can't manage with a lower dose. I live it but it is still hard to believe that 5 mg could make a difference. I think it's the inability to actually 'test' for effectiveness. Diabetes or blood pressure medicine, they measure your levels and you see that it works. This stuff, it's just there or not. :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 :grouphug: I hope you find a good movie to watch. And I'll echo what everyone else said, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. :grouphug: And one more thing, what is normal? You do what you have to do in life to survive. I'm glad there are meds out there that help. They are not perfect, but it's better than when there was nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 so sorry. Depression sucks! All mental illness is awful. Take care of yourself. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Occasionally Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks for saying so, Sara. But I feel like a total failure. Are you KIDDING? It sounds like a triumph to me! Believe me, I know of what I speak. What you're doing now is hard because it feels like failing, but it is NOT failing. That's the trick of it. Think about your goal. Is it to be med-free, or is it to function well? (I have a feeling I know which one it is.) You're *doing it.* (Maybe not the way you wanted, but keep your eye on the goal. That's the important part here.) Take super-good care of yourself, and don't worry too much about your kids. I try to tell myself that when mine see me at not-my-best, it shows them a little more of how people can struggle and work through difficulties. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skeeterbug Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You're my hero for recognizing it so fast. It's not a failure. This isn't something you can think yourself out of. This. It's not about willpower. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Halcyon, honey, you are the furthest thing from a failure. You're fantastic. Really! There's absolutely no shame in needing the medication. And you're right, that's not how depression (or OCD or anxiety or take your pick) works. It's like insulin, as others have said, or an allergy medicine, or high blood pressure medicine, or any number of other things that people are prescribed for the benefit of better health. Please don't beat yourself up... Tell the boys, Mom isn't feeling like herself this week, but I'm trying to feel better and I just need a lot of love right now. They're old enough to understand that, I promise. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Nothing wrong with help when you need it. I hope you are feeling better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks everyone. I've tried to stop my ssri in the past, although not for 4 years. I thought things were going so well in my life i didn't need them. Silly me, that's not how depression works, is it? We're going to rent a funny movie tonight and heat up something frozen. Just the thought of cooking... I feel so badly for my boys. I am just not myself. eta: thanks for everyone posting. it does make me feel better. i just wish i didnt need meds to feel "normal". I take synthroid to feel normal. Nothing wrong with taking something that your body needs in order to feel normal. All the best to you!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alef Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I know it's frustrating, but I'm glad you recognized the symptoms for what they are. DH has been on an SSRI for years and has attempted to wean off several times. Every single time the depression comes back. Things going well in your life has nothing to do with it, this is a physical illness and doesn't disappear when things are going well. I know how frustrating it feels to be dependent on medication, but really I am just grateful we have medication that is effective. Sending hugs. Take care of yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I resisted getting checked for my "lifestyle chaos" for most of my life. I have SPD and ADHD with anxiety thrown in for extra fun. I am so angry with myself that I let my mom's attitudes ("medication for mental issues is just lack of willpower, and a sign of weakness") dictate to my way of thinking for so long. (Especially since she added to my anxiety with the way she treated me. Example: She overheard me joking about running away with a friend when I was about 5 years old. So when my friend left, she packed a small bag for me and kicked me out. When I had been out for a while and was freaked out, she let me in and pretended I was a stranger. I ate dinner with her and my dad, all the while they were saying they were feeding me to help me out because they missed their own little girl, and hoped she hadn't been harmed outside since she ran away. Then they kicked me back outside and wished me luck. Naturally, I was freaked out of my mind. So yeah, I shouldn't have listened to her messed up ideas of mental health.) After getting treated for all of those things, particularly the ADHD and anxiety, my life, and my children's lives, are SO MUCH BETTER. I waited way too long and I'm very angry with myself for it. I could have accomplished so much more and had a much more peaceful life if I had addressed it sooner. It isn't weakness or failure! It's brain chemistry. It truly is NO different than treating other conditions like diabetes. Don't beat yourself up. Many hugs and good for you for treating your condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Something is wrong with your brain. Meds fix that and level the playing field, allowing access to behaviors that help you more naturally feel better. It.is.ok.that.you.need.meds. (((((hugs))))) Worth a read: http://www.hopetocope.com/Item.aspx/792/ask-the-therapist-preventing-relapse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I wanted to you to know you are not alone. I tried last year to come off....big time fail. It is what it is...I need it, and that's not going to change according to my doctor. There's really not anything we can do about it...it's a chemical, brain thing. I'm much happier on the med than off. Hang in there!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 do you know what your vit d3, b6 or b12 levels are? my dd was on two different ones for five years and they weren't working. I finally got her to go to someone else, and her levels were extremely low. she's now off both antidepressants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 BTDT several times, the last time ending in a public, never ending crying spell. It was a reminder to me that my biology is what it is and I really need to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life. It's no biggie to me to pop a pill every day if the result is that I am a functioning human being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 ugh, thought i was doing a bit better, but somehow getting the news of ds' test scoring really made me feel..inadequate. I don't know what the heck i'm doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thanks everyone. I've tried to stop my ssri in the past, although not for 4 years. I thought things were going so well in my life i didn't need them. Silly me, that's not how depression works, is it? . i just wish i didnt need meds to feel "normal". You were doing so well because the meds were working. I understand the desire to go off them as my kids are on some and I would love to wean them off but the great functioning level is due to the fact that the meds ARE working. I agree with checking with your doctor on your Vit B, D, etc. levels, maybe trying a full spectrum light (happy light) etc. but likely those will help the meds work better, not replace them. So glad that you recognized this yourself and are taking the proper steps. That is HUGE. Be proud of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I just posted in our book club thread before I saw this. I am praying for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Occasionally Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 ugh, thought i was doing a bit better, but somehow getting the news of ds' test scoring really made me feel..inadequate. I don't know what the heck i'm doing. :grouphug: FWIW, I don't think that feeling is limited to someone dealing with depression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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