Mandylubug Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Did you feel pressured to do so? When we first married, DH and I decided we wouldn't allow the lie. However, family made us feel like we were being neglectful. It started out after that as "well, we won't lie. Let them believe what they wish" Being Christian, though....it has weighed on my conscience for this long. When asked by our kids before we would turn the question back and ask them what they believed. This year, I was honest. It is so freeing. We watched Veggie Tales story of Saint Nicholas and loved it. I wish we had stuck with our wishes the entire time and didn't cave when younger. We were young parents at19 and 20 and considered our parents all knowing at that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 I wanted to add we've always discussed we celebrate Christ at Christmas in addition to Santa. We are also pro-happy holidays and explain different people celebrate different things this time of year. It is nice to have santa back in his place and just a "silly story." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 my dc were much younger than yours when they figured it out on their own. I didn't put a lot of effort into "Santa". Santa never brought the "big" present. oldest figured out when he was 5. I was packing up toys for the church collection to go to the shelter. He thought he should have all the toys I bought. I told him they were the only presents some of those kids were getting. He said "what about Santa?" and then he stopped and it was obvious he knew instantly. I think dd was 6 when she figured it out. It's hard to know what our youngest believed. It was no big deal, since we had not put so much effort into Santa being special. I remember around 5 or 6 they were asking questions and my response was "Does it make sense that Santa gives more stuff to some kids, but less to others." My kids were aware that of families that had more monetary wealth by then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I don't think the various cultural mythology traditions of childhood constitute lying. Kids outgrow these things. That is ok and doesn't make the fun had before with it any less fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I would have been pressured about Santa if I had decided not to do the myth. They heard about it everywhere, anyway. The year they went to preschool (they were 3-ish that fall and never really understood Santa before that), I was planning to talk about Santa after Thanksgiving was over, but they came home from school in early November full of Santa excitement. Bah. So I went with the flow. Last year (when they were about 6), I started hoping that they'd figure it out, and I started dropping little hints shortly after Christmas. Finally, about a month ago, they asked directly and I did not lie. They were kinda bummed, but not devastated. I made light of it, e.g., "yes, parents think it's fun to act out the Santa story for a few years until their kids figure it out. Now don't spoil it for anyone who still believes." The Christmas gift requests increased, I noticed.... I figured out Santa around their age (7), and that was pretty normal in those days. I think nowadays people go to greater lengths to keep it a secret, so some kids are fooled much longer. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that, but to each his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 It was a fun pretend game. IME,most kids don't see it as a moral question or a matter of trust; they have vivid imaginations, and Santa is like an elaborate fantasy. Our ds figured it out a 9 yo. He didn't react like we lied to him. He wasn't angry or disappointed. Instead, he was pleased with himself for having figured out the game. He also enjoyed learning about the historical figure of St. Nick. I don't understand all the angst about SC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Santa has never been big in our family culture, so it's not something we played up but neither did we tell the boys the truth from the beginning. By the time ours were five they'd both pretty much figured out the logistics of Santa just couldn't and didn't work. The only person I ever got a negative feeling from was our former neighbor. But at the time her oldest was about 12 and still really, truly believed in Santa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I've always been a bit uncomfortable with Santa. I never believed as a child, and I didn't think it was a big thing not to believe. I didn't know any kids who believed, when I was a child. I was set not to have this tradition, but didn't give it much thought, while it was a big deal for DH. In his tradition, however, Santa gifts materialize on their own. :smilielol5: So some years I forgot, and all the gifts were known by someone--I'd take DD to shop for DS, and DS to shop for DD and so on. And on Christmas morning, DH would say, "So let's see what Santa brought you!" and my kids would be quite confused, though I don't think they cared much. However. However. My kids absolutely love to believe in Santa. It is fun for them. I don't think their belief would stand under scrutiny, but I also never made them question it yet--maybe because it isn't as important to me. I've always told them "It is real, if you believe in it. It is like magic, and magic comes in mysterious ways." I also tell them that "Some people believe in it, and some don't." We've read about various Santa myths and traditions from around the world. They like to think about Santa in a more Scandinavian tradition--a forest gnome, so to speak. This year I realized that we didn't have anything "from Santa" for DD11, and DH said, "Just give her something." So maybe it is not as important to him as he once thought. They all are getting really nice "big" presents from us this year, something that they really wanted, but only 1 each. And I just got small "supplements" to their big gifts "from Santa" to the younger two--the small playmobil sets. I have to get something for DD11 today. I'm a bit stuck, but maybe I'll be inspired in the store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We were always honest with the kids about Santa but we we did get pushback from family about it. Not a ton and it evaporated after a couple of years, but more than about homeschooling, interestingly. The place where I felt the most pressure though was when the kids were really little - especially like 4 yo or so - and knew there was no Santa, and there were those parents who were like, "Any child who spoils Santa for MY children is EVIL! And I'll come after you parents for ruining our Christmas!" (Yes, I really saw people post statements like that on FB and heard parents say milder versions of that IRL.) And I was kinda concerned. I mean, there's only so much controlling you can do with a 4 yo. But no one ever came after us for ruining Christmas, so it was all good in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We did not ever lead our kids to believe Santa is real but have still felt pressured to do Santa the "right" way by family members and even complete strangers over the years. We still do stockings and don't exclude Santa from our home, but the kids have always been in on the game and free to pretend (and really, you can't say kids are pretending if they don't know it's all pretend) and play along if they want. People have expressed how sorry they are for my kids since they never experienced the magic of Christmas. :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 The place where I felt the most pressure though was when the kids were really little - especially like 4 yo or so - and knew there was no Santa, and there were those parents who were like, "Any child who spoils Santa for MY children is EVIL! And I'll come after you parents for ruining our Christmas!" (Yes, I really saw people post statements like that on FB and heard parents say milder versions of that IRL.) And I was kinda concerned. I mean, there's only so much controlling you can do with a 4 yo. But no one ever came after us for ruining Christmas, so it was all good in the end. This was one of the reasons I held off on spilling the beans outright. I would not want my kids to spoil Santa for others. They are in 2nd grade now, the youngest in their class, and I assume they were not the first to find out the truth. And they are old enough to be considerate of the younger kids who still believe. But, it seems a little awkward to warn them about the older kids who still believe. But I did it anyway. We went to Little Gym last week, and a mom said something about Santa. No other kids were around (I was picking my kids up a little late and the other mom's kids were in class). My kids said "we already know that Santa isn't real." She said, "well, my kids still believe and your kids had better not ruin it for them." Her eldest is 8. So it is now my 6/7yos' responsibility to preserve the Santa myth for an 8yo. Seems a little weird to me. When I was a kid, my next-door neighbor, 2.5 years my senior, argued with me over Santa for a long time before I finally admitted she was right (Santa was pretend). I always thought it was an accepted risk that a school-aged kid was going to hear the truth at any given time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We’ve never done Santa. I didn’t have a strong moral objection but my parents didn’t do it so I didn’t grow up with it and didn’t have all the beloved traditions. I don’t think dh grew up with Santa either so it wasn’t a big deal to us. Kind of obviously, we haven’t had any pushback from family. I have found that other people think I’m judging them because they do Santa so I have to make it clear that it’s not a moral choice for us, just the way our family is. I think like any choice you make that is different from others, people get more defensive if they think/hear you saying that you think you are better (not that you actually have to believe or say that, but they can think you think it). If that makes any sense at all. So they hear “We don’t do Santa. People who do Santa lie to their children. People who lie to their children are evil. You are evil.†You don’t have to mean that but they hear it. I find that’s often even more the case when I make different parenting decisions than my Mom. She hears me saying “I made this decision and I think it’s better than they one you made and I think you were a substandard mother.†Not everyone thinks that way and it’s not necessarily our responsibility to worry about their insecurities but sometimes to get along in a family or in a group setting it helps to proactively make them feel less defensive. I once had a time where my oldest who was then 5 year old almost ruined another kid’s belief in Santa. That was a little dicey but some fast-talking on my part saved the day. :) ETA: I’ve always made it really clear from early on that they are not allowed to tell other kids about Santa. We just say some parents want to do it and we have to respect that. I’ve never had a kid intentionally tell another one. I, myself, never believed and always thought it was kind of cool to know a secret that all the adults knew and the other kids didn’t. I never told anyone. My oldest accidentally almost spilled the beans that one time because he was arguing with a friend over whether or not the Santa at the mall was real. He said no (but he didn’t tell him it was because there wasn’t one). The friend said yes and then when the friend asked me to intervene I said “yes†and my son said “But you told me that it wasn’t.†The friend then said that his Mom had told him that when he want to visit Santa that it was the real one. So I quickly said “Ah, that’s the issue. The mall we were at didn’t have the real one, but yours must have been the one that did.†Or something like that. One other funny story, my youngest is almost determined to believe. She constantly talks about Santa and asks if he is real even though we’ve always said no. It’s like she has fingers in her ears going “nanananana†and just wanting to believe in the magic. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I did not feel pressured into it with my first 3. I loved it! By the last two, it really wore on me. But the big kids would never forgive me if I "took it away" from family tradition. So, yeah, now I feel kind of pressured into it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 My in-laws were aghast that we decided not to do Santa and I swear every parenting decision I make that is different from MIL's she sees as a censure of her choices. :glare: But I stuck firm and I am SO glad I did because we didn't know it then but Ds#1 is a VERY black & white, literal thinker and if we had lied to him about it he would have been completely devastated to find it out. We've never lied to him, so it would have been Earth shattering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We do Santa. Both dh and I grew up with it and since we both enjoyed it as kids, we wanted to do it for our kids as well. That being said, I decided early on that I wasn't going to on and on lying to my kids, so I tend to talk about Santa very little. Funny story, the other day, I was at Walmart shopping with ds when I remembered that I hadn't bought anything for our dog for Christmas (yes, he has a stocking which I fill each year). Since ds still sort of believes, I hesitated to do the shopping in front of him, but I really had no desire to have to make yet another trip to Walmart prior to Christmas. So I told ds that I was going to buy some things for the dog for his stocking and could we please keep this between us (i.e. don't tell your little sister). Ds then asked me, "Mom, do you think it's about time that we have a little talk about Santa Clause?" I replied to him, "I'm going to tell you the same thing that grandma said to me when I was your age. If you enjoy believing in Santa Clause, then just continue to believe." Ds looked at me and grinned. He knows and I know he knows. But we can just keep having fun with it. This is the way that I like doing Santa Clause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Even when my younger kid stops believing I think we will always talk about Santa. I guess I believe in the magic and fun of it. It's just for fun. Oh yes. Even though my kids are older and knew the truth about Santa a decade or more ago, they still love following Santa on NORAD every year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We never really told our kids about Santa. We just never actively said he was NOT real. Sitting your kids down to explain he is a myth------------ I don't know. I don't think it is a horrible burden to have to make your kids not shatter it for anyone else. I posted earlier about a dilemma I had when my daughter was asking if Jesus and the nativity were real. We are not Christian, but, I know Jesus is a real and important figure. I told her, yes, he was a real person. I did not say "and he was the son of God". I also did not say "he is a myth that a lot of people believe in". Why can't it be the same for Santa? Jesus is a real and immediate and important figure to a lot of people. It would be incredibly disrespectful to have my kids running around saying "we dont' believe in Jesus". I think it is -- to an OBVIOUSLY much much lesser degree -- also rude for kids to explain to other kids that their belief is a myth. Edit, just to be clear, my oldest is 5, so that impacted my approach to the Jesus question. We'll get more detailed down the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We were always honest with the kids about Santa but we we did get pushback from family about it. Not a ton and it evaporated after a couple of years, but more than about homeschooling, interestingly. The place where I felt the most pressure though was when the kids were really little - especially like 4 yo or so - and knew there was no Santa, and there were those parents who were like, "Any child who spoils Santa for MY children is EVIL! And I'll come after you parents for ruining our Christmas!" (Yes, I really saw people post statements like that on FB and heard parents say milder versions of that IRL.) And I was kinda concerned. I mean, there's only so much controlling you can do with a 4 yo. But no one ever came after us for ruining Christmas, so it was all good in the end. We've always made sure to tell the kids that some parents do Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny/Leprechauns because they think it's a fun game and we don't tell other kids it's not real because that would make them sad. But they have no problem telling adults who ask if they're being good for Santa "Santa's not real!" The only time I saw ds#1 be asked about one of the pretends by a kid he just kind of clammed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 I think I would have been ok and not felt guilty if I had been honest and upfront a couple of months ago. One twin girl started asking questions. My two sons figured it out and refused to play along. My oldest has annoyed me with the subject and him making snide comments to his little sisters for months. Once we joined our Christian co-op, most families don't participate in Santa at all. That really started the questions and I dodged the questions one too many times. I finally came out and answered questions directly and one girl was definitely hurt that we've been telling lies. Literally said to my face that she couldn't believe it has all been a lie. She has came around and is happy now. We didn't participate in any other myths like tooth fairy or Easter Bunny. All our gifts are under the tree and wrapped. Before, our tradition was Santa brought everything and we gave one item. There were multiple ways we could have done our traditions differently now that I look back at it. I'm honestly relieved its over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatHomeschoolDad Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 DD12 still believes, and I have yet to see any long term psychological damage from that. Not a big deal IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We still do stockings and don't exclude Santa from our home, but the kids have always been in on the game and free to pretend (and really, you can't say kids are pretending if they don't know it's all pretend) and play along if they want. I disagree. We always teated it as a pretend game, with one big secret. Ds figured it out. Kids are naturals at imaginary play, and they can intermix make believe with reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 No. We're Christian, and we did Santa, and no one made us. Our last child learned about Santa last year, before Christmas. I cried. I miss the whimsy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 I think these things can definitely be tricky. I really don't think this will result in any serious long term psychological damage though. I think how one responds when that time comes (when they find out) makes a difference. My reaction is that the magic and fun of Santa are real to me even if there isn't an actual Santa. I stress that it's just some fun thing people do like dressing up for Halloween. I am very thankful my oldest has kept it to himself all this time. I really think he does not want to ruin the fun for his little brother. I dont think any psychological damage was done either. Iwas just mentally exhausted trying to hold the myth together for the past few months. Lol I just dream of never having to have dealt with these past few months. I ended up having to have said girl shop with me for her brothers. I think she's enjoyed being in on the secret of those gifts, too. She's been a trooper and hasn't spilled the beans and it is a big surprise, one someone would die to tell. (Real bow and arrows for each) We put funny names on the gift tags this year. Like to one child from their favorite toy. We definitely wanted them to know we can still have fun even though the truth is out. Itwas just stressful to get to that point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I do not think I can say that I would not allow my kids to believe something. I can perhaps, especially when they are young, influence their beliefs by what information I expose them to, but I I don't think I can (or should) control their beliefs. When our kids were small, we only talked about "the spirit of Santa Claus" or "the tradition of Santa Claus." We had several books about the real Saint Nicholas. My children traveled to other countries where Kris Kringle, St. Nick, or whatever the name is in that country visited children on the saint's feast day rather than on Christmas. My children heard of the Christkind visiting children on Christmas day in other countries. We never told them that a man dressed in red flew around the world on a sleigh led by reindeer and came down chimneys on Christmas day. We did do stockings and gifts from Santa, but always talking about it being a "tradition." Somehow, my kids DID believe in the US version of Santa Claus--especially DD who has a vivid imagination. It was not until DD was about 8 or 9 that she finally started asking about was there really a Santa, long after DS (who is younger) stopped believing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We did Santa but weren't pressured into it. Both of us grew up with Santa. Our dds figured it out together at the same time and came to us. They thought it was funny and that they were so smart for figuring it out. They then started talking about the tooth fairy and we fessed up to that as well. The actual problem was the Easter Bunny. For some reason they could totally get on board with Santa and the Tooth Fairy being fake, but not the Easter Bunny. They were quite upset about that one. They still get a big Santa gift and stockings. They look forward to it every year. They also still get Easter baskets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I think it's funny how so many people get pressured to do SC. In my and dh's case, both our families refused to do SC, because it was all a lie. We decided to have fun with it, much to the chagrin of the grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I let my kids decide to what extent they want to play along with santa. I don't do stockings or most presents until all are in bed. I love the kids waking up Christmas morning and see the living room full of gifts wrapped and unwrapped,stockings full etc. What ever they want to believe is fine with me. The older kids always play along to whatever the younger ones choose to believe. A funny from last year. My 16yearold ds was up when I was bringing out gifts, and fillig stockings and said "Couldn't you wait until I have gone to bed?" lol I guess I ruined the "magic" of Christmas for him. I never felt my parents lied to me it was fun to wonder, play along etc. It never bothered me that I did not get what I asked for, I loved everything I received for Christmas. Christmas was always a wonderful time at my house, my mom kept a lot of traditions year to year for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Oh yes. Even though my kids are older and knew the truth about Santa a decade or more ago, they still love following Santa on NORAD every year! Ha! I was going to post something similar. My kids have never done the Santa thing, they know it's a story. But they'll watch NORAD's Santa Tracker every year and they get sooo excited for the kids who are going to wake up to something that makes their day feel magical. It's lovely to watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We did Santa. I can't remember when ds figured it out, he's a logistics kid, I think it had something to do with Santa getting everywhere in one night. He never did buy the Easter bunny, even that one year we had two wild bunnies show up in the yard on Easter morning - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 we are Christian and we do Santa. In fact, my nephew and his wife are very strong Christians, their little girls, age 2 and 4, go to a Christian school that is preschool to ;high school and this year nephew's wife asked my dh if he will dress up as Santa at our Christmas EVe party. My other nephews dc, age 3, 5, 7) will also be there. The parents just want to see their children all excited and if they figure out that it is their Great Uncle Mike dressed as Santa, the parents will just say "Oh look it is Uncle Mike being all goof, silly and lovable like he always is, dressing up like santa". where we used to live, we had tons of rabbits in our yard, they even had a tunnel that went under our garage. I would take my dc out late on Easter Eve and to watch all the "Easter bunnies" getting ready for work and my dc were positive that under our garage was a stash of Easter candy all ready for Easter day. And yes, my dc do know what Christmas and Easter is all about, we just have fun with the make believe. On early mornings, when dc were little, we would go out to look at the dew on the bushes (the lacy patterns that were woven by fairies at night) and we at least once, took a walk to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We determined that those leprechauns were pretty good hiders. I know a woman that never read or allowed her children to read fairy tales, legends, tall tales, most fiction. They could only read missionary stores and such like. No Disney movies could be watched at all. When we can't find something, we say the Borrowers must have taken it. The Borrowers have moved with us to our new house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Yep--pressure from family. Thankfully all my kids know now, but it does feel like pointless lies--Santa, Easter bunny, etc. Not sure why it was so important to my parents, but I guess I caved because it wasn't a hill to die on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I never felt pressured to have tell them about Santa. It was something fun that we enjoyed. We also told them that the tooth fairy brings them quarters for teeth and the Easter Bunny hides the eggs. They grew out of it. No biggie and no drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Yep--pressure from family. Thankfully all my kids know now, but it does feel like pointless lies--Santa, Easter bunny, etc. Not sure why it was so important to my parents, but I guess I caved because it wasn't a hill to die on. Did it feel like pointless lies when your parents did it for you as a kid? Serious question. I'm wondering if the "we don't do Santa" people feel that way due to the sense of betrayal from childhood, or if it's more of an adult philosophical decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 No pressure whatsoever. We looked forward to doing Santa Claus with our kids and we have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it! In fact, until I started frequenting this board I did not know anyone personally that was against Santa. It was all new to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMRB Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I am 44 years old, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that Santa is real. No, he's not a man at the North Pole with elves who makes every gift around the world. But do you have presents under your tree? If you do, they're from Santa, because Santa is the spirit of Christmas. He represents the goodwill of the Christmas season and the spirit that makes us want to give gifts. We are Catholic, and this is what my mother told us once we were old enough to understand. My children know the story of St. Nicholas and have no trouble with St. Nick and Santa as separate but connected. No, I have not spoiled the mystery of the North Pole for them. When they ask, I will explain how Santa is real just like my mother did. So if you ask me today, I will tell you, with the same conviction I tell you that Jesus died for me, that Santa is absolutely real, and so will each of my siblings. Just another way to think about it rather than saying it's a lie. To us, Santa is very real and true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We treated Santa just like any other myth -- Odin, Zeus, Jesus, house fairies, Santa -- they're all sweet little stories and there's no harm in children believing the wonderment of them. Just because they find out they aren't "real" per se, doesn't lessen the wonderment and joy that one can find in those stories and figures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We don't do Santa, but we aren't militantly anti-Santa, either. We read books with Santa and watched shows with Santa, and generally treated it like all the other fairy tales and myths and stories we read - if asked, I'd say the characters weren't real outside of the story, but otherwise we'd discuss the things that happened in stories the same way we discuss things that happened outside of stories and only discuss real/not-real when it was pertinent. When dd7 was 5, she was *very* concerned with real/not-real, and I confirmed that Santa, along with dragons, fairies, magic, etc., were not real. I do feel like it would have been lying if I'd told her they were real - she was forming her sense of the world, with a very literal definition of real/not-real that mattered greatly to her, and if I'd said yes, using some abstract sense of real, while knowingly letting her assume I meant her concrete sense of reality, I think I'd have damaged her trust in me. Interestingly enough, dd7 *now* "believes" in Santa and fairies and the rest with great flair and conviction, so telling her the truth certainly didn't "ruin the magic" for her. Dd5 is waaaaaaaaay more lackadaisical about real/not-real, and mostly doesn't seem to care, certainly not how dd7 did; whenever she asks, about Santa or whatever, I'll tell her the truth. Telling the real truth as best I know it, to kids or anyone when they ask, is a huge thing for me. I initially didnt do Santa because it felt like lying, but now - with experience with the change from not knowing/caring about real/not-real to knowing and caring - I think the real issue isn't how Santa is initially presented, but whether, when kids ask if Santa is real, parents *then* tell the truth as best they know it. To answer "is Santa really real?" by affirming that Santa truly is really real, like plants and birds and you and me, with no qualifications - to me that *is* lying at that point. And I think a lot of the damage is done when parents try to "keep the magic alive" in kids who are past the age of magical thinking. Eta: as a Christian, who believes that Jesus really truly rose from the dead and that the miracles in the Bible are really real and teaches that to my dc, I don't want to muddy the waters by telling them that Santa et al are real and then later clarifying that i mean "real" in a totally different metaphorical sense. Dd7 has already asked if various miracles really happened, and I'm quite glad I didn't ruin my credibility with her by previously saying that I believed Santa et al were real, when what I actually meant was "real". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Interesting. We've allowed our girls to believe what they want to believe, but we play along with Santa and the Elf. They are 11 and show no signs of not believing. They love it and they really, really want magic to be real, so that's how they think of Santa- magic. Ironically, they've come to their own conclusions that God doesn't exist. They actually look at Jesus as the "story" of Christmas, knowing the historical Jesus but also knowing that he wasn't really born on December 25th and that likely many of the traditions surrounding his birth are fictional. I think it all adds to the seasonal spirit of renewal and gratitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I feel like kids pick up on all the angst and wringing of hands that parents do over Santa, particularly when they "confess" to "lying" about a tradition based on a real person with some imaginative, magical (no, not real magic! Wait, there's no such thing as magic...right?) fun thrown in. I think that ultra-sensitive parents breed ultra-sensitive children who can tell when they are supposed to feel "betrayed" or wronged in some forced way. There are so many huge issues and responsibilities as parents. Why make much ado over this, I'll never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 we did not feel pressured to do santa. we both grew up with the tradition and really have fond memories of it. he always brought one gift to each of our children. not because my children were naughty or nice - just because santa is nice. we also love christmas lights, christmas trees, christmas movies, christmas food, christmas presents, christmas shopping. my children realize none of it is really about the birth of Jesus & that He wasn't even born at christmastime. they are simply fun traditions we've adopted to celebrate his birthday. we do read the christmas story from the bible and talk about Christ, but really, so many of the traditions i just mentioned have nothing to do with the birth of a Savior. easter is a whole other ballgame for us though & tends to look very different from mainstream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 We didn't talk about Santa when my kids were little. As they got older, I explained there was a real St. Nick and a lot of people like to pretend about Santa Clause. I had to talk about this because my sister's family does Santa and of course other kids do as well. The last thing I wanted was one of mine to upset a santa experience child. At one point one of mine told me he wanted to pretend Santa was real too. He's my imaginative kid. He did that year, and I felt a little sad about it. He would have loved Santa had I went that direction. I don't think this matters either way long term. We made a choice a different way, but I don't think it would have harmed my kids, spiritually or otherwise, to do Santa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I never said much of anything about any of it to the kids. They knew about Santa but never believed in him. We help out at least one other family every year and a couple years ago my youngest told his sister that it was silly that people believed in Santa cause if he were real than we wouldn't be getting presents for other families. My dd responded that she was glad he wasn't real then because she liked helping other people. I wanted to kids to feel the joy of being there for someone else. The fun of buying a gift that really means something for someone that really needs it. I have told them in the past that God has richly blessed us and the holidays are a time when we can share that blessing with those around us. If we can't share what we have, we don't deserve to have it at all. We do watch Santa movies around here and the kids enjoy a little bit of make believe and fanciful thinking, but they have never really believed in Santa. This year I had to hush my dd up in a store because she was staring at a big blow up Santa and said the guy was kinda creepy if he sees her when she's sleeping. She doesn't want a stranger watching her sleep. I told her that well her thoughts were valid, she needed to not say them so loudly in public because they might make some other little kid feel pretty bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 No pressure. We just thought it was fun. I grew up in a non-Santa house and kind of resented it so I was on board with Santa if he was and he thought it was fun so..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I really see both sides of the Santa debate. However, I deeply believe that Santa's love and generosity is real and lives within parents. As a kid, I never saw it that my parents were lying. It felt more like playing and I was thrilled when I figured the game out. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Santa always comes to our house. Even though my children are older, 24 - 13 years, they still look forward to Santa. Heck, I always look from my present from Santa in his special wrapping paper. No pressure from anyone; we just love Santa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Yes. I didn't want to do it but I went along with it. We still have one kid believing. I regret the whole thing. I like stories about the various versions of Santa, and I love Santa decorations. I just wish to heck we had kept it as a tradition of decorations and fun stories, not something they were led to actually believe in. I wish I hadn't gone along with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I really miss our Santa days-- they were so much fun! The kids figured it out themselves and when they came to us for confirmation, we came clean. DS had actually figured it out years before we realized; when we asked why he had kept going along with it, he said he didn't want to spoil our fun. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 The place where I felt the most pressure though was when the kids were really little - especially like 4 yo or so - and knew there was no Santa, and there were those parents who were like, "Any child who spoils Santa for MY children is EVIL! And I'll come after you parents for ruining our Christmas!" (Yes, I really saw people post statements like that on FB and heard parents say milder versions of that IRL.) And I was kinda concerned. I mean, there's only so much controlling you can do with a 4 yo. But no one ever came after us for ruining Christmas, so it was all good in the end. Yes! Agreed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a27mom Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 We never really told our kids about Santa. We just never actively said he was NOT real. Sitting your kids down to explain he is a myth------------ I don't know. I don't think it is a horrible burden to have to make your kids not shatter it for anyone else. I posted earlier about a dilemma I had when my daughter was asking if Jesus and the nativity were real. We are not Christian, but, I know Jesus is a real and important figure. I told her, yes, he was a real person. I did not say "and he was the son of God". I also did not say "he is a myth that a lot of people believe in". Why can't it be the same for Santa? Jesus is a real and immediate and important figure to a lot of people. It would be incredibly disrespectful to have my kids running around saying "we dont' believe in Jesus". I think it is -- to an OBVIOUSLY much much lesser degree -- also rude for kids to explain to other kids that their belief is a myth. Edit, just to be clear, my oldest is 5, so that impacted my approach to the Jesus question. We'll get more detailed down the road. This is a fascinating perspective. Thank you for sharing, I have learned something. To be honest it never occurred to me that someone might think it rude to tell someone they don't believe in Jesus. My children are very aware that people don't believe in Jesus, even though I am fully assured that Jesus is God incarnate. I have no expectation that non-believers would reinforce our belief. In fact I would prefer that those who don't believe in Jesus would be honest with my children about it. Maybe it does explain the irritation I tend to have about the Santa thing. It is not an innate reaction for me to be offended when people share differing beliefs with my children. It is a bit irritating that I have to forbid my children from speaking about Santa. So it is an insight for me to realize that some people do feel it is important to protect children from divergent beliefs in general, not just Santa. Realizing that helps me to be more understanding. :) As far as pressure, I have felt a lot of cultural pressure. My parents grew up in a religious group that didn't celebrate Christmas at all. They left when I was a toddler they made Christmas up as they went. So mom explained about St Nicholas and we had fun pretending about Santa. This all came crashing down when I innocently explained to my fellow kindergartener that Santa was dead. After an irate phone call from the child's mother, my poor shaken mother had to sit me down and explain that I was not aloud to tell other kids what I knew or surmised about Santa. It was a rather traumatic experience for me. After that he was not nearly as fun. It irritates me a bit that Santa can't be pretend, he has to be real or "dead". We try to pretend about Santa, but I have had to sit my girls down and explain to them that other kids think Santa is really real so they can't discuss him with others, that kind of kills the magic of pretend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAIMOM Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 [quote name="Alice" post="5378914" timestamp=" One other funny story, my youngest is almost determined to believe. She constantly talks about Santa and asks if he is real even though we’ve always said no. It’s like she has fingers in her ears going “nanananana†and just wanting to believe in the magic. :) My youngest would argue with us too....my older two were 4 and 5 when they paused in watching Barney to ask if Santa was pretend like Barney? I just went with it and said yes he is but many parents do not want their kids to know so pretend with them. On Christmas Eve they as we tucked them in bed they would say "I hope you got me something nice, oh! mom go check NORAD and see where Santa is" They love both Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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