vent: other kids wanting to play in our classroom

[airforcefamily]

This year we have a classroom. It's a great room and we really enjoy it. There are school style desks for the older kids, a round classroom table for the younger ones, an adult sized desk, a chalkboard, and lots of open shelves and cubbies for books and materials. It's in a room that was supposed to be a formal dining room. The room is near the front door and is fairly open to the rest of the house; no doors and installing doors or baby gates wouldn't really be practical.

 

The only problem? Every single kid who walks into the house goes right into the classroom. They start drawing over our lessons on the chalkboard, taking things off the shelves, pulling curriculum books out of the desks, etc. They often want to spend the whole visit in the classroom 'playing school' and don't want to take no for an answer. I've learned that, for our family, the classroom must be kept as a place that is organized and used only for work. When it's used as a playroom schoolwork becomes a struggle until we're back in our routine. Not to mention I don't want curriculum written in, workbook pages done by someone else, books rearranged, earmarked art supplies used for general play, adult use supplies taken (post its, sharpies), or lessons on the chalkboard needing to be rewritten.

 

I feel like a wet blanket during every play date or get together. The kids are annoyed they can't play in the classroom and I'm annoyed I have to 'guard' the room whenever a kid drops by. It's especially bad when one of my kids has a friend stop by while another is in the classroom trying to work. I've put together a bin with school type stuff they can play with freely in another room or outside. Small chalkboards and chalk, old workbooks, paper, pencils, etc. but they never seem interested in playing with it.

 

Just wanted to vent my frustration! It's getting to where I don't want to allow friends inside the house. Even when kids come with thier parents and the mom stays to visit it's a problem. They think it's so cute that their kid is pretending to be in school in our 'make believe' classroom. It's a REAL classroom, not a playroom!

[Snickerdoodle]

Lay down the law and be more firm about it.    Absolutely direct everyone out every single time and say that if they continue to go in there they will not be invited back again.   Let the parents know before they come over that the school room is expressly OFF LIMITS  PERIOD.
 

 

It's getting to where I don't want to allow friends inside the house.

 

Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

 

 

[Cera]

They do make wide baby gates (quite attractive ones actually) that are designed to fence off areas like that.  If you don't want to do that could you use a tension rod and curtains or something similar to create a physical separation of the space (plus, out of sight, out of mind for a lot of kids).

[TraceyS/FL]

Boundaries.... I watch someone that feels like she can now go anywhere in our house, and touchy-feely everything. The last trip he was here my boyfriend left some of his coins on a table. My kids won't touch them, they know better... all of a sudden i realized she was back there. ACK. Then she got into the "mommy bin" out here. :banghead:

I'd be firm with the parents and try to get some sort of barrier to put up. There are long gates, or maybe even some type of pet fence panel thing. Which would be a pain.

What about if there was eye hooks on the wall and you made some sort of curtain you could hook and hang when someone came by? Use some type of cording by the foot (with a 40% off coupon of course!)? 

Ugh. I feel your pain - and I don't even have people over!

 

 

[Slipper]

I agree, set boundaries. We have a full size skeleton in our living room (cost of about $300, courtesy of my in-laws) that fascinates kids. As they walk in and exclaim over it, I tell them in a friendly way that it's a new addition to our homeschool supplies and they can look but are not allowed to touch. I then look at the parents and tell them "You wouldn't believe what those things cost!" It's never been an issue.

 

Tell them up-front, before they even enter the house that the homeschool room is off limits and set toys out in another area to re-direct them towards.

 

It must be a really cool room to draw kids toward, so congratulate yourself on making it so inviting! :)

[Mom22ns]

I agree with the others. You must be firm and resolute. The classroom is not a playroom. "Unless you are actually a member of my family doing school work, you may not be in that room." If you stand up for this consistently, they will learn and soon the room will be invisible to them because they are so used to not being allowed in. I would tell parents the same thing and ask them to please make sure their children understand and obey the rule.

[mrs.m]

Why are you allowing yourself to be annoyed? Let the kids be annoyed. I haven't met a kid yet that loves every rule imposed upon them and they just have to learn to deal with being annoyed when it comes to rules. And, it is an unrealistic expectation to not have to police this situation until the children learn the rules. A new visitor will need to be properly instructed in order to understand that the room is off limits, which means you will probably police. Don't allow any exceptions and eventually the regular visitors won't need to be policed any longer.

[TraceyS/FL]

Maybe something like the curtain wire system from Ikea would work and not be in the way too much.

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/60075295/


 

[marbel]

I'd vote for the curtain idea and the boundaries. I'm jealous that you HAVE a schoolroom!

 

Or buy a roll of CAUTION tape and put up a physical barrier when kids are coming over.  It's ugly, but not permanent. 

 

Or line up dining room chairs to block the way into the room (if there are enough chairs to do that). 

 

Because even if you set boundaries and tell kids to stay out, you won't be able to relax unless you can see that they're staying out.  Well, maybe I shouldn't assume that, but I could see that happening with me.  Oh wait, I have.  (Different house, younger kids, though not a schoolroom, just rooms I didn't want kids in.)

 

 

[airforcefamily]

All the suggestions are great. We have looked into putting up a curtain but quickly realized it would likely cause more problems. With the layout we have it would need several gigantic curtains which would look like a stage in an auditorium.

[Eagle]

I would not put up any barrier. I would let people know as they enter your house that your "school office" is not available for play. I would use the word office as it makes it sound more official. If they question you, let them know the school office contains personal documents and expensive equipment and is for work, not play.

 

If people disregard your request, don't invite them back.

[kiwik]

If you are in the school room you must be doing real school not playing. Hand anyone who walks in there a maths book and a pencil and point them to a desk. No, not really - hope you get it sorted. The police line do not cross kind of tape may work. Or a line of tape on the floor like you have in labs etc that you are not aloud to cross without safety gear.

[Punks in Ontario]

One more thought might be to put tape on the floor where kids are not allowed to go.  In an open concept area, this may help them to stay out.  I realize that's not very pretty, but it may solve a lot of frustration.

 

[Arcadia]

They think it's so cute that their kid is pretending to be in school in our 'make believe' classroom. It's a REAL classroom, not a playroom!

 

Let the parents know and just enforce your house rules. Visiting kids would usually adapt rather than lose a play date / play space. 

. Hand anyone who walks in there a maths book and a pencil and point them to a desk.

I have no wish to be a math tutor to my kid's play dates at the moment (free or paid) :lol:

[heritagelearningacademy]

As an adult, I understand the concept of staying out of a room, even if it is open without doors.  As a kid, I would have understood that too.  But, not all kids will and not all kids will be able to fight the temptation of the room.  I think the curtains, or even caution tape, are great.  A visual line they cannot cross.  That may make a difference.

 

 

Then if someone does cross the barrier, immediate removal from the room with a gentle reminder that that is off limits.  If it happens again, if they are neighbors, send them home. If it is a play date with mom there as well... then mom needs to step in too.

 

[TraceyS/FL]

Oh wait - then you need those pullout barrier things they use at Disney and banks, Sams, Home Depot.... 

 

Like this! http://amzn.com/B007WSN54G

The curtains making it like a stage wouldn't work - it would be worse!!!

 

 

[DarlaS]

I would not spend a single cent modifying my home to accommodate people (who are presumably older than toddlers?) who have no respect for my property. Writing in your kids schoolbooks?! Won't take no for an answer? Wow.

 

Also, if they are too young to understand, a visual barrier won't work. They'll just go under or around it. If they are old enough, you shouldn't need it.

 

But I'm not above telling a kid "I already told you to leave that alone. If you cannot control yourself in my house, you'll have to leave.". And then I follow through. I don't expect people will like all my rules. I ask nicely ONCE. They do listen though.

[LMD]

If you are in the school room you must be doing real school not playing. Hand anyone who walks in there a maths book and a pencil and point them to a desk. No, not really - hope you get it sorted. The police line do not cross kind of tape may work. Or a line of tape on the floor like you have in labs etc that you are not aloud to cross without safety gear.

 

This was my thought too... if after the first warning/redirection then I'd simply say something like 'you have to earn your way into this room, you have 5 minutes to finish this drill exercise (make it hard!), no talking to your friends' you get the idea ;)

[Farrar]

I put things like that on my kids too.  If they want friends over, they have to help keep the rules.

[Supertechmom]

Can you pick up really cheap sheets and drape everything as a cover before people come over? I would be very firm and make no bones about not touching my stuff but if it is at the front door and open to boot, that might be hard to understand BEFORE they are already into stuff. The sheet might give you enough time to redirect everyone as you state the rules.

[Murphy101]

I'm with Darla. Tell them no and then tell them to go. My kids also know that they are expected to help keep order and that the friends they have over are expected to follow some basic rules of the house. I make it clear when they arrive and if I have to keep telling them, I decide to send them home instead.

[zoobie]

How wide is the doorway? We have our dog crates set up in a room off the kitchen. I used a tension shower curtain rod and cute (but thick) curtains. It's easy to take down and put away, or I can pull back the curtains and it doesn't impede the walkway.

 

It would frustrate me too.

[airforcefamily]

It doesn't really have doorways, it's open. When I mean rigging up curtains would look like a stage I mean it - several kids could line up and tap dance. The hassle and expense of curtains is another factor. We move frequently so spending several hundred dollars on a bunch of extra tall curtain panels and some sort of giant curtain rod to use for a couple years doesn't seem like a good use of money. Installing the whole thing would take a significant amount of time. Taking the curtains down to wash them every time one of the younger kids gets peanut butter on them would take even more time.

 

I really do appreciate all the ideas about how to get curtains there but it's just not something we will be doing.

 

Draping sheets over everything might be a good plan when we are planning to have a bunch of kids over. We could even just put the desks and table in another room, put sheets over the shelves, and let the kids play in what would not look like a classroom. The chalkboard would be there but the chalk would be put away. I'm not sure it would work for casual play dates where at least one of the kids would have to use the classroom at the same time or for friends who just drop by (making kids wait at the door and watch me while I drape everything in a room with sheets is the kind of thing that would get around the neighborhood pretty fast, lol).

 

I'm not sure what I can do besides telling kids who stop by that they are not to go in the classroom for any reason and if they do they will be asked to leave then following through on it. Play dates where a mom is there or when a friend with toddler or preschool age kids comes over is trickier. I can, and have, said out loud that the classroom is for when our family is doing schoolwork only and is not a place to play then offered the school basket so they can play with the same kind of stuff. If the mom doesn't seem to care about the rules and lets her kids play in there anyway there isn't much I can do besides ask them to leave. I don't want to be so harsh about it with adults but what else is there to do.

 

Not sure I should but part of me feels guilty about setting up a room that looks enticing to children then banning kids from being in there. I wouldn't mind quite as much if other kids were doing work but I reeeeeeealy don't have time to run a free tutoring service for the neighborhood. Our own work keeps me pretty busy.

[dhudson]

If you set the boundaries first, it should be enough. However, if they continue going in, I might assign real work, like math facts or writing five sentences on why we should obey. A paragraph on respecting others, perhaps? Ask them what their least favorite subject in school is and have them do that.

 

I am evil that way.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Not sure I should but part of me feels guilty about setting up a room that looks enticing to children then banning kids from being in there.

I didn't respond to your thread when I read it earlier because this was what you hadn't said at that point. LOL

 

I have the same issue here, except that I do not have a hard time at all laying down the rules and enforcing consequences, regardless of whether the kids' moms are present or not. Maybe I'm just getting ornery as I get older, but "my house, my rules" definitely applies here. My schoolroom area is the LR/DR combo right inside the front door. Guests must pass through these two rooms when they visit. Same as yours, this area is irresistible. I do choose to take it as a compliment, as a PP recommended. I love my schoolroom and truly believe it is the coziest area in the whole house. This was intentional. It is intentionally inviting. :D

 

Now, in a MILLION years I cannot imagine children of school age (over 7 maybe?) rude enough to open workbooks and write in them. However, children of any age can destroy a room in 5 minutes flat and will leave it, oblivious to the destruction, if not trained and required to clean up after themselves. When DD's two BFFs started coming over, they would pull out the (short) Expedit from the wall to serve as a cashier counter when they played store, rearrange things for sale, blah, blah, blah. They would play creatively in there but wreck the room. So I started making them clean it up before they went home. They didn't like it, but I told them (kindly) that if they didn't like to clean up after themselves, they couldn't play in there. If they agreed to cheerfully clean up, I agreed to cheerfully allow them to play. They (and most of the other kids who come to play here) choose to play in there and clean up, but they know before they begin that they most definitely will clean up. I do not make visiting children clean up any other space in my house when they come visit, but I do require them to clean the schoolroom if they play there. They are also told what they absolutely, positively cannot touch. I do not mind if they look at books, so long as they remember where they got them and put them away properly. Honestly, I expect my kids to take the lead in this, as they seem to know where the books in this house belong even better than I do. :lol: With this compromise, visiting children draw, write stories, do math, play store, play school... It is a perfect space for a one room schoolhouse for stuffed animals. :D And I am happy to see all this going on in the room designed for learning.

 

Anyway, I think it is absolutely fine if you don't want them to play in there. I wouldn't buy curtains, sheets, caution tape, nada. Your house, your rules. You just have to state them and enforce them. Other parent there or no, if that room is not for play, I would simply say, "Sorry, kids, we're not going to play in there today. But you may play in the _____." If they persist, "I'm sorry, but we're playing in the _____." If their moms allow them to continue playing in a room you have told them they should not be in? It's kind of inconceivable, actually, but I would just continue to state my rule. I seriously (SERIOUSLY! LOL) would not be the least bit worried about offending a mom who didn't seem to have any respect for my house rules and boundaries.

 

Whichever way you choose, just be sure to be proactive in stating your rules.

[Uff Da!]

I have a cheesey solution that worked here:

 

I watched a little boy that would dig through my art supplies and disappear into places that were off limits. I made a list of "Pirate Ship's Rules" and posted it where all the kids could see. I told the kids that I was the captain of a ship and what their jobs were as mates. We then walked around the house and I pointed out all the "skull and cross bone" stickers placed around the house. Anything with a skull and cross bone on it they were not allowed to touch. It worked! And they still call me "Captain". Lol

[PachiSusan]

I think it's more about respect than anything else. Are the parents here and continuing to let their children play where they were told not to play? 

 

Also - writing OVER their school work? I'm sorry, but if I told them not to and then went in and did it anyway and then destroyed school work they would never be allowed back. 

 

My response isn't helpful in any way, and for that I am sorry but I am honestly incredulous that this is happening again and again! 

[Sahamamama]

I'm not sure what I can do besides telling kids who stop by that they are not to go in the classroom for any reason and if they do they will be asked to leave then following through on it. Play dates where a mom is there or when a friend with toddler or preschool age kids comes over is trickier. I can, and have, said out loud that the classroom is for when our family is doing schoolwork only and is not a place to play then offered the school basket so they can play with the same kind of stuff. If the mom doesn't seem to care about the rules and lets her kids play in there anyway there isn't much I can do besides ask them to leave. I don't want to be so harsh about it with adults but what else is there to do.

 

 

Other than child-proofing the play spaces where children can play, I wouldn't modify my house at all or spend money on curtains, drapes, gates, tape, etc. to "guard" my school room. I wouldn't even have a "school basket" for other children, because that would only serve to reinforce their interest in "playing school." Plus, it makes you look like you feel guilty about your no-schoolroom rule, so you provide an alternative with the same theme as what you make off-limits. Don't have guilt. Why would you feel guilty about having reasonable boundaries in your own home?

 

Instead of curtains-drapes-gates-tapes, I would manage this situation with verbal boundaries. Just verbal boundaries, and whoever doesn't like them can go back out the door.

 

"Our school room is off limits. You are not to go into our school room for any reason. If you do, you will be asked to leave." And then focus their attention on another place, where they can play.

 

If another child's mother doesn't seem to care about your rules at your house, well... I'm trying to figure out why a friendship with her would matter to you. Sorry, that's the way I see it. Yes, I would stick to my boundaries at my house.

 

If your word isn't respected in your own home, then who are these people who ignore you? They would go back out the door, in my house. Yes, they would. I have actually kicked a few kids out of our pool this summer. LOL. They didn't think I would, but out they went. :) We're all still friends, the parents know I have limits, and the kids know it, too.

 

Your house = your rules.

[MotherOfBoys]

We have the same problem. I realized I had one friend that wasn't going to make her kids listen. Then I realized the deeper issue. She ps's her kids and didn't respect me and my choice to hs. She became a limited friend in our lives.

 

I have never had writing in books. That's horrible!

 

I agree with not getting a barrier. You would have to look at it every day and it's one more thing to take care of before guests arrive.

 

I would tell my kids it's their responsibility to control their friends. If they can't make them listen and be respectful then what does that say about their friendship.

 

I also have no problem telling my friends how much something costs and where to buy the replacement if their son doesn't put it back unharmed.

 

Lastly, DON'T HESITATE TO SEND THEM HOME! You will probably only have to do it once. Then they and your kids will get the message.

[Hunter]

I used to have a horrible time maintaining boundaries with people, but I'm getting better at it. Enticing would have made it difficult for me in the past too. One of the trauma recovery rights I learned was that I have the right to have things that others do not.

 

You do not need to hide or share your stuff with people who want it. It's yours. You have sacrificed for it, denying yourself things that they have, to have it.

 

I know it's hard to establish firmer boundaries, after you have allowed people more access to something. It's important that you do though, because it's important to you, and for you. Also boundary crossing spreads. When we establish a boundary in one area, people are less likely to push in other areas, and respect us more. When we allow people to cross our boundaries in one area they, and onlookers, begin to see us and our possessions with less respect.

 

Be very firm. Do not explain yourself or apologize. It's YOUR home. The only explanation you need is that the room is YOURS.

[Hannah]

Could it be that because you are feeling a bit guilty about banning the guests from the schoolroom that your 'stay out' instructions are not coming across firmly and the kids think they could get away with exploring?

 

As the previous poster said - Let go of the Guilt - and say 'NO'!

[kristi26]

When we have friends over, even when the mom is present, if they aren't listening to my rules AND mom isn't standing up and saying anything, I say something.  If the mom isn't going to stop her child from doing what I just said they weren't allowed to do, the only person who is going to say something is ME.  And I have no issue saying it in front of them.  If you don't want to say anything to the kids yourself, I would say something to mom.  "Little Billy just walked in our schoolroom.  That room is off limits, remember?  Please ask him to go play elsewhere. Thanks!"  

 

We also have friends that are not good guests.  They get into places they shouldn't (think sticking their bare hands in a fish bowl, who does that??). AND, mom doesn't say a word to them EVER. She lets it go. It drives me bonkers.  I really don't enjoy correcting other people's kids right in front of the other person.  I solved the issue by not inviting those people over anymore.  If we are going to be with them, we meet up at a park or something.  

 

Neighborhood kids who can't listen aren't allowed in our house, period.  If they want to play, I send my kids outside.  When my kids ask if so and so can come in, I say no, it's nice out.  Play outside.

 

I agree with others about not putting up any sort of barrier.  Kids that are older than toddlers should be capable of following the rules.  I'm irritated FOR you about this! Hopefully you figure it out!

[jljohn]

We don't have a school room, but we have a narrow kitchen that is easy for the kids to run through as they make laps around the house.  As you can imagine, this creates a dangerous situation during meal prep.  We have a rule about not passing through the kitchen when an adult is working there, but without a barrier, it can be hard for them to realize (i.e. merely to be cognizant) when they are breaking the rule.  So, I temporarily placed a line of blue painter's masking tape on the floor at each end of the kitchen to create a visible line and mental barrier for them.  You would have thought it was a wall.  Because they could see a line they were not supposed to cross, they would come to a sliding halt as they approached the line.  They would even stand with toes on the line peering into the kitchen to watch me cooking.  I left it up for a week or two and then took it down, and by-and-large the effect has lasted.  It's not perfect, but it was a huge improvement.

 

The point being, I wonder if some physical marker or boundary--it could be a line, a curtain, or a gate--would help you in creating the boundary.  It doesn't have to be impenetrable, but it does need to be concrete and distinct.   

[Dmmetler]

I have a schoolroom and a Lego room. Both have to have rules. For the school room, if it's in a school drawer or a closet, it cannot be used without permission-that's all our current curriculum, our good art supplies, and our science stuff. However, art supplies, paper, old workbooks, books, some stickers, the small whiteboards, various games (lots of think-fun logic game, perplexers) and the like are always available. The big whiteboard can be used unless it's marked "do not erase". The Legos can be used freely, but anything on a display shelf needs to be left untouched (and you can add your creations, which will be left intact while you're there) and all the Legos need to be put away before you leave.

 

I regularly have groups of 10-12 kids in my house at a time, and, for the most part, when I set rules up front, they're followed.I think it helps, though, that I also have taught groups of kids for years professionally, and have no trouble stating a list of rules and posting house rules. If the non-coercive "we have guidelines, not rules" folks don't like it, they have a choice to not come over. Most people don't seem to mind-my house has been deemed the "coolest house ever!" By more than one kid.

[Dmmetler]

I have a schoolroom and a Lego room. Both have to have rules. For the school room, if it's in a school drawer or a closet, it cannot be used without permission-that's all our current curriculum, our good art supplies, and our science stuff. However, art supplies, paper, old workbooks, books, some stickers, the small whiteboards, various games (lots of think-fun logic game, perplexers) and the like are always available. The big whiteboard can be used unless it's marked "do not erase". The Legos can be used freely, but anything on a display shelf needs to be left untouched (and you can add your creations, which will be left intact while you're there) and all the Legos need to be put away before you leave.

 

I regularly have groups of 10-12 kids in my house at a time, and, for the most part, when I set rules up front, they're followed.I think it helps, though, that I also have taught groups of kids for years professionally, and have no trouble stating a list of rules and posting house rules. If the non-coercive "we have guidelines, not rules" folks don't like it, they have a choice to not come over. Most people don't seem to mind-my house has been deemed the "coolest house ever!" By more than one kid.

[TraceyS/FL]

 So, I temporarily placed a line of blue painter's masking tape on the floor at each end of the kitchen to create a visible line and mental barrier for them.  You would have thought it was a wall.  Because they could see a line they were not supposed to cross, they would come to a sliding halt as they approached the line.  They would even stand with toes on the line peering into the kitchen to watch me cooking.  I left it up for a week or two and then took it down, and by-and-large the effect has lasted.  It's not perfect, but it was a huge improvement.

 

The point being, I wonder if some physical marker or boundary--it could be a line, a curtain, or a gate--would help you in creating the boundary.  It doesn't have to be impenetrable, but it does need to be concrete and distinct.   

That was my original thought - just something that is a "stop and think" type of barrier for awhile, rather than a permanent one. I like the painters tape on the floor thing - it isn't permanent and should delineate it for a bit.

 

We don't have a lot of people over, and the one person I have problems with I have stepped up my firmness. It didn't go over well - i'm pretty sure she has NEVER been told no in the way I did. But stop touching my stuff. Period. In her case there is nothing off limits at her house(s), and therefore the thought of it here is strange to her.

 

Good luck working it out - it isn't an easy task with some people.

[airforcefamily]

The more I think about it the more I wonder if part of the problem is that most of the kids who come over attend public school and have a 'what's yours is mine' mindset. Many of the kids just don't seem to understand how there can be a cup of pencils and some paper sitting there that they are not allowed to take and use or why one child in the house (one of my kids) would be allowed in the classroom when they are asked to play somewhere else (like in the room of the child who invited them over). Maybe part of it is the fact that it is a classroom and is familiar to them as a place where everything is shared.

 

It is difficult for me to stand up to someone else's child and ask them to leave. As a kid I would never, ever have even thought about taking a book off a shelf and writing in it or refused to leave a room when told to do so by an adult. Now kids don't seem to care what adults say. The kids who visit also want reasons for everything. We have a big family and I just don't have time to have a sit down conversation with some kid from down the street about the reasons why they can't do what they want. Why won't they just take no for an answer?

 

Sorry, this is turning into another vent. I'm so tired of kids who come over with an attitude of being entitled to do whatever they want, play with whatever they want, eat whatever they want, stay as long as they want, take home whatever they want, etc.. If we had the space I would really like to have a 'friend room'. A separate living room and playroom with it's own bathroom, small counter area, sink, microwave, and mini fridge (behind a locked cupboard). It would be wonderful to have people over without stressing about the rest of the house.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

"Don't want to take no for an answer?"

 

Then get out of your house.We used to have neighbor kids like this. They obviously think they can come over and do whatever they want. Absolutely not. If they can't listen, they can play outside.

 

Don't be intimidated to tell them NO! Most kids just aren't used to being corrected by adults not in their family. Trust me, when I correct children outside of our family, the look of shock on their faces says it all. 

[Tammyla]

(I think many kids have been conditioned to see a kids corner and go to it.)

[mrs.m]

The more I think about it the more I wonder if part of the problem is that most of the kids who come over attend public school and have a 'what's yours is mine' mindset. Many of the kids just don't seem to understand how there can be a cup of pencils and some paper sitting there that they are not allowed to take and use or why one child in the house (one of my kids) would be allowed in the classroom when they are asked to play somewhere else (like in the room of the child who invited them over). Maybe part of it is the fact that it is a classroom and is familiar to them as a place where everything is shared.

 

I don't think this is the case or reason. There's still items in a classroom that they can't touch until the appropriate time or because they belong to the teacher.

 

 

 

It is difficult for me to stand up to someone else's child and ask them to leave. As a kid I would never, ever have even thought about taking a book off a shelf and writing in it or refused to leave a room when told to do so by an adult. Now kids don't seem to care what adults say. The kids who visit also want reasons for everything. We have a big family and I just don't have time to have a sit down conversation with some kid from down the street about the reasons why they can't do what they want. Why won't they just take no for an answer?

 

 

 

You need to learn to stand up to children that are in your home and not be afraid to do so. Some will take advantage every chance they get if they think they can get away with it!

 

I think you should take care of this from the moment they walk into the house. This isn't a matter of sitting down for a long discussion, it's just stating the rules as often as necessary and sending them home if they don't follow.

 

Sorry, this is turning into another vent. I'm so tired of kids who come over with an attitude of being entitled to do whatever they want, play with whatever they want, eat whatever they want, stay as long as they want, take home whatever they want, etc.. If we had the space I would really like to have a 'friend room'. A separate living room and playroom with it's own bathroom, small counter area, sink, microwave, and mini fridge (behind a locked cupboard). It would be wonderful to have people over without stressing about the rest of the house.

 

Even if you had that, kids will find a way to be annoying and not want to hang out in thetew. :glare: Again, state clear expectations and send them home if they break them.

[MusicMama]

I would not spend a single cent modifying my home to accommodate people (who are presumably older than toddlers?) who have no respect for my property. Writing in your kids schoolbooks?! Won't take no for an answer? Wow.

 

Also, if they are too young to understand, a visual barrier won't work. They'll just go under or around it. If they are old enough, you shouldn't need it.

 

But I'm not above telling a kid "I already told you to leave that alone. If you cannot control yourself in my house, you'll have to leave.". And then I follow through. I don't expect people will like all my rules. I ask nicely ONCE. They do listen though.

 

YES!

[daijobu]

This year we have a classroom. It's a great room and we really enjoy it. There are school style desks for the older kids, a round classroom table for the younger ones, an adult sized desk, a chalkboard, and lots of open shelves and cubbies for books and materials.

 

Ooh!  Can I come over to play?  Seriously, as someone who homeschools at a dining table, your classroom sounds like heaven.  When I come to visit, you'll need to handcuff me to a chair to keep me out!

 

I don't know about everyone else, but I'd love to see a photo!

[PachiSusan]

Ooh!  Can I come over to play?  Seriously, as someone who homeschools at a dining table, your classroom sounds like heaven.  When I come to visit, you'll need to handcuff me to a chair to keep me out!

 

I don't know about everyone else, but I'd love to see a photo!

 

Yes, this!!! Schooling one just doesn't lend to a cool classroom like that!!!

[PachiSusan]

duplicate post

[LMD]

I have a schoolroom and a Lego room. Both have to have rules. For the school room, if it's in a school drawer or a closet, it cannot be used without permission-that's all our current curriculum, our good art supplies, and our science stuff. However, art supplies, paper, old workbooks, books, some stickers, the small whiteboards, various games (lots of think-fun logic game, perplexers) and the like are always available. The big whiteboard can be used unless it's marked "do not erase". The Legos can be used freely, but anything on a display shelf needs to be left untouched (and you can add your creations, which will be left intact while you're there) and all the Legos need to be put away before you leave.

 

I regularly have groups of 10-12 kids in my house at a time, and, for the most part, when I set rules up front, they're followed.I think it helps, though, that I also have taught groups of kids for years professionally, and have no trouble stating a list of rules and posting house rules. If the non-coercive "we have guidelines, not rules" folks don't like it, they have a choice to not come over. Most people don't seem to mind-my house has been deemed the "coolest house ever!" By more than one kid.

I agree with those kids!  Your house sounds very cool!

[Lecka]

That would be a nightmare house for me to visit, and I would try to make plans for the park.

 

I have two little ones and I need to stay in places appropriate for us.

 

For my older son -- I would be appalled and want it mentioned to me if it were a drop-off playdate.

 

I also agree in telling them no. You are the voice of authority. You are helping them learn. It is doing them a favor, not being mean.

[MomatHWTK]

We had neighbor children who were allowed in the house, but they would then go into "off limits" rooms or even try to get my kids to deceive me as to what they were planning.  When the incidents happened I immediately told the child involved that it was time to go home and they aren't allowed in the house to play anymore.  When my children asked why I made it clear that if visitors couldn't follow the rules they weren't allowed inside because I didn't have time to watch them.   These were not drop off or scheduled play dates- so it was easier to tell them 'you don't have to go home but ya' can't stay here.'  ')

 

Even if the other parent were present, I would get up walk to the child who has entered to room and tell them they aren't allowed. 

[lmrich]

Give all who enter a big ole sheet of multiplication problems.

[abba12]

The thing is, unfortunately, a lot of PS parents just don't care about disciplining their child because they don't have to deal with the child most of the time, it's either at school, or terrorizing someone else's house. (don't get me wrong, there's many wonderful public school parents, but I have lived in low income areas as a homeschooled child, and have friends who do also, and this is a constant problem for us) 

 

However, the mothers who are sitting there watching their children disobey your rules and not caring... wow. We have had problems but it has almost always been with neighbor kids who's parents weren't around on weekends (one homeschool friend ended up in a situation where he supervised and fed half a dozen or more neighbourhood kids every Saturday, it's a very sad situation, and it's unimaginable to me as a parent how you would become that sort of mom who doesn't even know where her kids are roaming on the weekend. These aren't teenagers, these are 5-9 year olds!.)

 

I know I sound terribly harsh but I would discontinue friendships with those mothers who show no respect for your rules and property, and their children.  If the MOMS don't respect you and your rules and property, there is little hope for the kids... I learnt this lesson the hard way when I recently severed ties with a few 'friends' who simply didn't respect us.

 

When it comes to neighbourhood kids, the friend who's house became the weekend hangout fixed that problem by simply banning kids who had not been pre-approved from coming inside except to use the bathroom.

 

Another consideration is your own children. Do they know and respect the rule? Do they go along with their friends and play in the room, or are they standing there trying to convince them to come out? In some ways your children need to learn to be responsible for their guests. If your child is playing in the school room with their friend, happily, then they are just as much to blame as the guest and should be in trouble for it. If they are trying to upkeep your rules, however, then this is a good opportunity to teach them skills in controlling the situation, and teaching them about true friendship and choosing friends wisely. Give them some phrases and words to use in bringing their friends out of the room.

 

But, the bottom line is, and I know this is very harsh, but those sorts of children and parents simply would not be welcome in my home, and I would question my children's need to associate with them at all.

[msjones]

I'd say something like, "I know this room/space is really tempting and looks like a great place to play.  But it's not for playing, it's only and always for schoolwork.  So, you can't play in here."

 

If he won't obey, I'd repeat myself and then guide the child away from the space and help him find something appropriate to do.  

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

If the child really won't cooperate, let the mom know. Tell her the same thing.  It should be friendly and firm. "I know our homeschool space is tempting to kids -- visiting kids always want to play in there!  But I'm not allowing any play in that area of our house.  Could you please talk to Sophie about this so she'll know where to play next time she comes?  It was hard for her to follow my directions when she played here today.  Thank you so much!  I'm sure it will go better next time...etc."

 

I think kids do better when they know what to expect and when all the adults are on the same page.  Most kids will also do better when they know you won't hesitate to talk with their parents about poor behavior.