What exactly am I supposed to do when I find

[*Lulu*]

Am I the only mom that talks about sex with her sons?

Well my eldest is only eleven, so I have only begun to dip my toe in the pre-teenage waters.

 

Bearing that in mind, I talk to all of my kids about all sorts of bodily functions, including sexual. I did send in DH to cover some of the more personal aspects of puberty with Punk. (I did not want him to freak out the first time his equipment properly functions and since DH can speak from experience, I let him discuss that aspect of things.)

 

As far as value judgements about sex or warnings about dangers connected with sex go, we have not gotten farther than the "your body belongs to you" phase. We are moving into the next phase with DH and I both handling the information. (Although DH and Punk do get more one on one time together, so he does have more opportunity for these little chats.)

[Melissa in Australia]

Am I the only mom that talks about sex with her sons?

Nope. I am the one who had all the discussions with my boys. I even went to the local hospital and borrowed their "Class demonstration kit" of all the contraceptives. I did it as part of their biology book. When my oldest was on his way to university I took him to the local supermarket, and showed him exactly where in the supermarket condoms were kept, how easy they are to buy and offered to get him some.( He just about died of embarrassment)

[Liz CA]

So... I think that he is at camp is a blessing (especially since you are comfortable with the environment there) because it gives you more time to regain some equilibrium.

I don't know if you are disturbed by the discovery because of lifestyle/religious beliefs or just because he is still rather young - either way I can completely understand your "sick feeling."

Had this happen in our family, I would have waited to talk to dh before talking to ds. Then we may have had a discussion. I would be honest and give ds the opportunity to talk to his father by himself if he was more comfortable; if it was all the same to him, I'd stay and listen. I would try to listen more than talk even though I would have had to bite my tongue constantly. Then I would have (hopefully) tried very hard to empathize:"...I know it's difficult these days to know what to do since it seems like everyone else is doing it or talking about it....I understand this is a very powerful drive...I don't think of you any less than before...

 

If you have concerns stemming from a religious background, I'd bring in the issue of premarital sex being outside the framework of healthy sex (depending on your beliefs). The main point I'd want to communicate is concern for his health, the girl's health and reputation and consequences of actions that can last a lifetime.

 

ALL THIS in case your suspicions are confirmed and there is no other explanation for this. It may sound naive to think there are possibly other explanations but having lived with a house of boys (son and friends), I know how they like to play pranks!

[trulycrabby]

I didn't say a word about the condom box, but had a relaxed talk a few weeks later about birth control, failure rate of condoms, stds, respect for sexual partners, etc...

 

My oldest son is 19, we went through something very similar a few years ago. I was not thrilled to find the box, but encouraged that he took birth control seriously. 

 

Good luck, however you decide to handle the situation. 

[Renee in NC]

Am I the only mom that talks about sex with her sons?

 

No, I do.  All the time.  And I wouldn't freak at finding an empty condom box.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

If I found condoms in my 16 year old sons drawer, OF COURSE, I would suspect he's having sex. No matter what lame excuse he came up with, I would STILL, deep down, KNOW that he's having sex. AND he's "stopping to get burgers" or whatever after school??? Come on mama, I know you don't want to believe it, but come on now....

You weren't the only one. I had a pin on my denim jacket that said, "My Mom Thinks I'm At The Movies!" -- there were a lot of movies that I never saw, but said I did. I remember coming over to my dh's parent's house (we were dating and he lived at home) after "going to the movies" and we sat down at the kitchen table and chatted with his mom. At some point, I realized that my shirt was inside-out. She was nice enough to pretend she didn't notice.

[gardenmom5]

The one thing I would not do is go to camp to talk to him about it. The humiliation and mortification of having your mother come and talk to you about something that could be addressed later, while you are with your peers, would not be forgotten or forgiven quickly. I know that much.

 

As for what to say when he does get home, you have my sympathies. I'm not sure what I would say.

In this case - I wouldn't go to camp.  OP, your plan sounds like a good one.  do talk to him and the girlfriend about all the ramifications.   and if he's hooking up with other girls besides the girlfriend . .. that should cramp his style.  You might even want to contact the girlfriends parents.  it's their daughter, and they have a right to know.

 

However, there are times when mortifying a teen can be encouragement for them to not repeat the behavior.  e.g. I read of one case of two teens deliberately, and repeatedly, doing things to get sent to the principles office.  as mom was on her way back, she noticed they were enjoying being there a bit too much.  she gave him slobbery kisses and the I'm so glad I could rush down her with my hair in curlers speech in front of . .. girls.  it was all the incentive he needed to avoid a repeat performance.

[plansrme]

Why would he keep an empty box?  Wouldn't it be easier to throw it away when you weren't looking?  Stuff it into the bottom of the trash?  That alone is making me lean towards its being planted by a friend.  Not that you should not be concerned and investigate to your heart's content, but still, an empty box is an odd thing to keep around.

[OrganicAnn]

I agree with the others who say the box alone doesn't mean anything.    I went to a speech once and as part of the speech the speaker passed out condoms.   Of course I was a freshman in college and not in high school, but there could be lots of reasons for it.   

 

I do think it gives you a good opportunity to talk to your son about s#x and safe s#x.   Parents make a difference especially if they are willing to talk and listen openly and honestly.  

[Catwoman]

 

 

You don't know my sons. My sons have specifically told me they'd rather talk to me.

 

(and i've actually had a 16 yo son)

Well, my ds is only 13, but he talks to me about everything, too. I'm not even sure it would dawn on him to ask my dh about it.

[swellmomma]

Am the only one who remembers what it was like to be a teenager? Or was I the only one here who ran with the wrong crowd?

 

I was a goody goody and still was active by 16.  I didn't become active willingly at that age, but once I was and away from the bad boyfriend and with a good one I just stayed active.

 

My situation was not typical in that it was a boyfriend abusing me that took my virginity, I told my mom, though I did not use the 'r' word.  her response was to drop me at the front door of my dr's office and tell me to see the dr on call to get checked and ask for the pill, to call her when I was done and ready to come home.

 

I was not open with her ever again.  Let's just say she got an F that day in parenting 101.

 

I knew plenty who were active by 16, 1 was pregnant in school at that age, and I knew plenty who waited until after graduation when they were close to or already 18.  So it wasn't just you.

 

I just really hope my kids choose to wait, though I am not naive enough to assume they will.  I would still be freaked by finding an empty box of condoms, not because I don't know it's possible but because I wouldn't be ready to face the fact that we were at that stage, after all they are still just my little kids kwim

 

With the oldest turning 15 in 6 weeks it scares the crud out of me that in the next 12-24 months he may be sexually active.  He just seems way too young, and of course as an adult now I know all the possible repercussions that can happen, even to a kid who thinks they were being safe kwim.

 

I am so not ready to face that reality with my teens yet.  They have to wait until *I* am ready, not just until they are lol

[mysticmomma]

In this case - I wouldn't go to camp. OP, your plan sounds like a good one. do talk to him and the girlfriend about all the ramifications. and if he's hooking up with other girls besides the girlfriend . .. that should cramp his style. You might even want to contact the girlfriends parents. it's their daughter, and they have a right to know.

No. No. No. No. Just no.

[swellmomma]

No. No. No. No. Just no.

This.  Even as a mom of a teen daughter.  I do not want my dd's boyfriend's mom calling me up to say her son is shagging my daughter.  I would rather just pretend that everything is innocent and pure thank you very much.  Well dd wouldn't have a boyfriend but that is not the point.  If I know the boy is being sexual with my daughter chances are I will feel the need to neuter him.  So for the preservation of your son and your future potential as a gramma I do not recommend telling her parents.

 

AND you do not bring up the possibility of other girls in front of said girlfriend, or she will go home crying, and then her daddy will find out the boy that defiled her was with other girls and he will retrieve his shotgun from the closet...you get the idea.

 

But do speak with HIM, and recommend to HIM and HIM alone that his girlfriend has a talk with her momma about this so that she can go on the pill or something to give them multiple forms of protection.  Forbidding anything, especially that after they stop will lead to secrecy which is more likely to lead to mistakes that cause babies.  But you keep your discussion to your son and not the girlfriend or her parents. 

 

 

[Mergath]

Why would he keep an empty box?  Wouldn't it be easier to throw it away when you weren't looking?  Stuff it into the bottom of the trash?  That alone is making me lean towards its being planted by a friend.  Not that you should not be concerned and investigate to your heart's content, but still, an empty box is an odd thing to keep around.

 

I doubt that.  Most teens are either sexually active or know quite a few people who are sexually active by sixteen, and are way past the point where a box of condoms makes them giggle.  I only knew of one person in high school who wasn't active by that age, and she did end up sleeping with her boyfriend before graduation.  If I'd planted a condom box in someone's hoodie, they would have been like, "Dude, throw out your own garbage." :P

 

Obviously that's not ideal, but it is reality.  I don't think we're doing the OP any favors by trying to convince her that it's all a big misunderstanding.  And given that the OP's son has a steady girlfriend, well, yeah.

 

OP, just breathe.  A lot of us were active at that age, and we didn't turn into delinquents.  I even smoked weed, too!  Quite a bit my senior year.  Honestly, I don't know how I functioned.  And yet I still got into a fairly good college and have a family.  I've never been arrested.  I bake cookies at Christmas and drive up to visit my mom several times a year.  Your son will be fine, I promise.

[Mergath]

In this case - I wouldn't go to camp.  OP, your plan sounds like a good one.  do talk to him and the girlfriend about all the ramifications.   and if he's hooking up with other girls besides the girlfriend . .. that should cramp his style.  You might even want to contact the girlfriends parents.  it's their daughter, and they have a right to know.

 

Wow.  No.  Such a bad idea.  Unless the OP's goal is to completely and forever destroy her relationship with her son.  And destroy the son's relationship with his girlfriend, who might be a wonderful girl.  And possibly damage the girlfriend's relationship with her parents.

[Joanne]

What *I* would do is ............. nothing.

 

When he returned home, I'd mention I found the box and congratulate him on responsible choices.

 

The weed is a problem for me ONLY because it's illegal and getting caught complicates life in expensive ways (probation, community service, inability to get better jobs....)

From a practical standpoint, alcohol or tobacco are far, far worse than weed.

 

Many, many, teens have sex and experiment with substances. They need parents who will have their backs, treat them like the adults they are moving towards being, and interact with them in respectful ways that honor reasonable family rules but also acknowledges the reality that teens/young adults need to make mistakes. 

 

[Dory]

 

 

You don't know my sons. My sons have specifically told me they'd rather talk to me.

 

(and i've actually had a 16 yo son) 

I've talked with my little brother a few times. He needed someone to talk to him about making wise and safe choices, and I was there to do it. He has since thanked me, although at the time he looked a little uncomfy. I kept it light, but to the point with a couple repeat discussions and made sure he knew that nothing he would ever tell me would shock me and I would rather he felt like he could talk to someone if he had questions, than for him to hide things and end up in a bad position. He knew my thoughts of pre-marital sex. But my views can't be forced on someone else and I would've rather had him safe, than try and make him see things from my perspective.

[gardenmom5]

The weed is a problem for me ONLY because it's illegal and getting caught complicates life in expensive ways (probation, community service, inability to get better jobs....)

 

 

I had a brother who had a grow operation (he also dealt, and used), and a sister who used heavy drugs.  It's a problem.  a BIG problem.  yeah tobacco and booze are bad (teens tend to be very irresponsible) - but pot isn't any safer.  recent studies have shown it does have a negative affect on the brain.  it also dims kids judgment so they are more likely to make stupid choice.

 

I watched what it did to my siblings.   My bil used for decades before finally quitting.  my brother finally got clean, but it's had an impact.  One of the things he's most sorry for is using drugs.

[MollyAnn]

I would do nothing. I would probably even leave the box of condoms where I found it.

I would be thankful that he was using condoms

I would probably have a "reminder talk" shortly after him getting home.

[Melissa in Australia]

I had a brother who had a grow operation (he also dealt, and used), and a sister who used heavy drugs.  It's a problem.  a BIG problem.  yeah tobacco and booze are bad (teens tend to be very irresponsible) - but pot isn't any safer.  recent studies have shown it does have a negative affect on the brain.  it also dims kids judgment so they are more likely to make stupid choice.

 

I watched what it did to my siblings.   My bil used for decades before finally quitting.  my brother finally got clean, but it's had an impact.  One of the things he's most sorry for is using drugs.

I wrote out a post and deleted, but will write out again.

this is all from people I have known, they were either relatives, people I went to school with, close family friends, or youths from my very small town. this is how dope has affected their life.  firstly a group of teens just experimenting, all went for a drive al 7 in one car. smashed into a tree - all killed, they were between 15 to 18. I know at least 2 people with paranoia to such an extend that the can hardly leave their house. I know 1 person who has schizophrenia from his dope use. one relative who got prostrate cancer ( and yes there has been proven links to prostrate cancer and dope use) . In-laws who have started out on dope, and have now progressed to being dealers. 5they introduced their 5 children to dope at in their early teens the whole family is completely dysfunctional. I know adults who appear from the outside to be successful but they actually have brain impairment that affects decision making. I could go on and on.In fact if you look up the adverse effects of dope use I could name several people with each thing and they would all be different people. I live in a town with pretty high dope use and the level of intelligence is pretty low by many of the users. I couldn't say if this is because of their heavy use or they had low intelligence to start  off with. and lastly my father experimented with dope and killed himself while high.

[AK_Mom4]

In DS17's case, he would get to hear my "Mom's Opinion on Birth Control" lecture again.  All my kids have heard it before (even DD12) and they get to hear it again and again and again until they are out on their own.  Ha - I even gave it again today after reading this thread!

 

In my boys case, I would be reasonably sure that they had taken the condoms to scout camp to use in an infinite variety of practical jokes.  They would get to hear the lecture again anyways.

 

I agree with Joanne, too.  The pot use is a bigger deal - it's illegal and stupid and we would definitely be talking about it.

[kiwik]

It is strange I did dope, cigarettes, alcohol and sex before 16. I don't think it did me any harm but there were a couple of near misses. I really hope my children can hold off until their brain has finished developing. I do have a cousin whose schitzophrenia was either triggered or worsened by dope and on the other side of the family there are a number of addicts (functional mostly but still). I luckily have a few years before I have to worry about it.

 

Drug tests and invading privacy would require some evidence though.

[Laura Corin]

He's a Scout Camp, 3+ hours away.  I won't be going up there to confront him.  He's with a good group of kids and adults that I trust.  I'm 100% sure nothing sexual or illegal is going on there.  

 

He's had a girlfriend since Christmas, but as far as I know (and obviously I don't know much!) they have only seen each other at school, and he doesn't have any unexcused absences from school that would suggest he's been skipping class.  He does have a couple 'girls who are friends' in the area, but I can't imagine when he's been with them.  

 

However, he has taken a long time in getting home from school some days.  He's always said, and I believed him (no reason not to, until now) that they stopped to get burgers on the way home or that he walked his friends home the long way - completely plausible based on where they live.

 

I feel a bit sick.

 

What's the legal age of consent in your jurisdiction?  If he and his girlfriend are of age, I'd be really happy that he was protecting them both.  My mother gave me condoms for my 16th birthday - I didn't run out and jump someone in response, but I did know that I could always talk to her if I needed to.  I didn't have a child for another seventeen years, by which time I'd been married for four years.  Husband and I have been very happily married for twenty-one years now.

 

If you came across the condoms when doing something you normally do - changing sheets, for example - I'd bring the subject up in a non-accusatory way, starting by congratulating him on being so responsible, ask his views and explain your own views on the matter, and try to take if from there, treating him as far as possible as a rational human being.  It would be good at this stage to open rather than close lines of communication.

 

If you were searching his room.  I don't really have any advice.

 

L

[Lanny]

If your DS is sexually active, congratulations to him for having the Condoms. My wife and I wish my Stepson had been that smart....  The possibility of illegal drugs is, IMHO, far more serious. If you are in the USA, that is so "normal", that it might be "required" at his age, if he is in a brick and mortar school. If he is home schooled, where did he get into that? GL

[Catherine]

I don't know if your concerns about the situation are based an a belief that premarital sex is wrong. If that is the case, then feel free to ignore what I'm saying. I think 16 is on the younger side of average to have sex, but it's not abnormal. I think safer sex is something to celebrate, as is monogamy, even if they are on the young side and you would have preferred it happen in a different way (and at a different time!). I look at it as a part of growing up. My teen boys have been drilled exhaustively with my "have a plan" talk which addressed the not-sought-after consequences of sex. I am hoping that if they should haave sex, it will be with someone they can have an honest, adult conversation with.

 

Marijuana is another issue entirely. Although many kids "experiment" IMO it is to be strongly discouraged, particularly if they are still in HS. I would confront him. Tell him you again where you stand. Search his room if he is in possession of pot or you are pretty sure he is. Ugh. I'm sympathetic.

[Cera]

Be proud that he chose to use protection (if he is even having sex at all).

 

I completely understand hoping your kids wait longer than 16 but the reality is many don't and it sounds like he at least put some thought into it and is being careful. A calm discussion about what he has already done and what you would like him to do now is a good next step but no point in freaking out. You want to keep communication open, and what's done is done.

[Renthead Mommy]

It would probablly be a pretty casual conversation around here.

 

"You left laundry everywhere but in the hamper.  If you want help with laundry, at least put it in the hamper.  While picking up scattered laundry, I found your condom box.  If you are having sex, I am glad you are prepared.  But the box was empty. Do you need more?"

 

If he's actually using them for sex (and I agree, it could go either way), then the horse is already out of the barn.  While he's planned ahead this time, I would want to make sure he plans ahead for EVERY time.  In the middle of the moment, a 16 year old reaching into a box and finding it empty, I don't have  a lot of faith in them making the rational decision "Oops!  We are out of condoms.  We should stop."  Because if they are already reaching for them, well like I said, that horse is already out of  the barn.

 

But conversations around here are already pretty casual about sex.  They always have been in an effort so that when they became big conversations, they would be relaxed and natural.   

 

 

 

 

[QueenCat]

Am I the only mom that talks about sex with her sons?

 

No.............. I've had more of "sex" conversations with my boys than dh has, mostly because it just seems to come up & I don't shy away from the conversation.

[QueenCat]

I would not include the girlfriend in on ANY conversations. Completely inappropriate. I can't imagine what the reaction of the girlfriend's parents would be........ that is a conversation for them to choose to have with their daughter, not you. And it isn't really your place to bring the subject up to them. Your conversation needs to be with your son, about responsibility and such, not the girl.

[QueenCat]

In this case - I wouldn't go to camp.  OP, your plan sounds like a good one.  do talk to him and the girlfriend about all the ramifications.   and if he's hooking up with other girls besides the girlfriend . .. that should cramp his style.  You might even want to contact the girlfriends parents.  it's their daughter, and they have a right to know.

 

 

 

Would you be okay with the parents of your daughter's boyfriend talking to your daughter about sex? Just can't imagine talking to my son's girlfriend about that, just don't view it as appropriate.

[Joanne]

I had a brother who had a grow operation (he also dealt, and used), and a sister who used heavy drugs.  It's a problem.  a BIG problem.  yeah tobacco and booze are bad (teens tend to be very irresponsible) - but pot isn't any safer.  recent studies have shown it does have a negative affect on the brain.  it also dims kids judgment so they are more likely to make stupid choice.

 

I watched what it did to my siblings.   My bil used for decades before finally quitting.  my brother finally got clean, but it's had an impact.  One of the things he's most sorry for is using drugs.

 

 

You don't have to tell me, personally or professionally, about the devastation of addiction. In a predisposed brain (which my own kids have), the acceleration of the disease of substance abuse is present in a teen's not fully developed brain. An adult, for example, with a predisposed brain can take 8-12 years to develop the disease of addiction. But in a teen, it can take as few as 3.

 

As far as studies, they support that pot IS much "safer"  in terms of health than alcohol and tobacco. True, it's not without consequences, and I am not of the "pot is benign" mentality. It has (mild) withdrawal symptoms, a pervsaive culture that supports addicted use, and the anti-motivation syndrome does exists in many problem users - it is not a myth.

 

The vast majority of people who "tried", "experimented" or "used" pot continue to have normal, non addicted lives. (The same is true with alcohol, porn, gambling, sex......).

[Joanne]

I wrote out a post and deleted, but will write out again.

this is all from people I have known, they were either relatives, people I went to school with, close family friends, or youths from my very small town. this is how dope has affected their life.  firstly a group of teens just experimenting, all went for a drive al 7 in one car. smashed into a tree - all killed, they were between 15 to 18. I know at least 2 people with paranoia to such an extend that the can hardly leave their house. I know 1 person who has schizophrenia from his dope use. one relative who got prostrate cancer ( and yes there has been proven links to prostrate cancer and dope use) . In-laws who have started out on dope, and have now progressed to being dealers. 5they introduced their 5 children to dope at in their early teens the whole family is completely dysfunctional. I know adults who appear from the outside to be successful but they actually have brain impairment that affects decision making. I could go on and on.In fact if you look up the adverse effects of dope use I could name several people with each thing and they would all be different people. I live in a town with pretty high dope use and the level of intelligence is pretty low by many of the users. I couldn't say if this is because of their heavy use or they had low intelligence to start  off with. and lastly my father experimented with dope and killed himself while high.

 

 

This is not a typical or expected anecdote for *marijuana* experimentation. It sounds more like an area with high meth use - a different scenario entirely.

[Pippen]

I haven't read all of the thread, but included in the discussion with son should be the legal raminifications of having sex with a minor in your state. It's not easy to get one's name removed from the sex offender list. 

[Miss Marple]

To the OP, that would totally freak me out as well.  I was in a situation with my youngest about 6-8 months ago in which I found something in his car that he had been instructed that he could not use nor buy (exercise/body building supplements).  He is the one child who has cares more about what others think of him, he wants to be in the "cool" group, etc.  So naturally my mind went to all the bad places...he is sneaking around, there are probably other things I haven't caught, etc.  Thankfully I had a few hours before he came home in order to collect my thoughts.  I tried to put it all in perspective and understand his point of view.  I had a whole list of things to say to him, telling him that I understood the draw to participate, etc.  Imagine my surprise when I mentioned that I had found the supplements and he said, "oh, yeah, I got those for XY (friend from BSA) and I'm supposed to take them to scouts tonight".  So here I was thinking the worst of my son and yet he was just doing another boy a favor because the other boy doesn't drive yet.  We had a discussion about the situation and how it looked to me and he was stunned that I would even think he would disobey.  He said he knew well our rule and that it was fine.

 

All this to say, you may be totally shocked by the answer your son gives.  He may not be sexually active and it may all be a prank or something.  Living in a house full of teenage males has shown me that the obvious is often not the answer.  Give him some room to explain, give yourself some peace in the meantime.  Have your arsenal of questions and things you want to talk with him about, but be prepared for something totally different :)  And big hugs - parenting is certainly an adventure.

[Cinder]

What's the legal age of consent in your jurisdiction? 

 

This would also concern me. We had a highly publicized case here that highlighted the age of consent issue.

[Spryte]

I am confused - did the OP also find weed in her son's room?  Did I miss that post?  

 

Condoms would not upset me.  They might surprise me, but I would be happy to know that he was making good choices about using protection.  It might remind me that we need to have some low key conversations about respecting women, about safe sex, etc, but I would not freak out.

[Cinder]

I am confused - did the OP also find weed in her son's room?

 

In the original post--she suspects he's tried it.

[clarkacademy]

I found a bunch of wrappers in my 13 year old daughters trash can once talk about freaking out! Turns out the nurse handed them out at her school and her and a bunch of her friends wanted to show the nurse what they should be used for, water balloons! They filled them up one morning so as soon as they got off the bus they could bust them at the nurses feet because they didn't appreciate being called sluts when they were very proud of the fact they didn't spread their legs. I got called from the school is how I found out. There were quite a few girls that were pretty irate this nurse had handed them these things it said it made them feel like they were being called sluts when they had never even kissed boys before lol!

 

It could be something really silly like this. They had posters made up and everything it was almost funny except they got in school suspension for being disruptive. She is very big on don't assume all kids are having sex cause their not.

[unsinkable]

I found a bunch of wrappers in my 13 year old daughters trash can once talk about freaking out! Turns out the nurse handed them out at her school and her and a bunch of her friends wanted to show the nurse what they should be used for, water balloons! They filled them up one morning so as soon as they got off the bus they could bust them at the nurses feet because they didn't appreciate being called sluts when they were very proud of the fact they didn't spread their legs. I got called from the school is how I found out. There were quite a few girls that were pretty irate this nurse had handed them these things it said it made them feel like they were being called sluts when they had never even kissed boys before lol!

 

It could be something really silly like this. They had posters made up and everything it was almost funny except they got in school suspension for being disruptive. She is very big on don't assume all kids are having sex cause their not.

Clarkacademy, you win my award for "Never a Dull Post."

 

I $hit you not.

[Myra]

Nope. I am the one who had all the discussions with my boys. I even went to the local hospital and borrowed their "Class demonstration kit" of all the contraceptives. I did it as part of their biology book. When my oldest was on his way to university I took him to the local supermarket, and showed him exactly where in the supermarket condoms were kept, how easy they are to buy and offered to get him some.( He just about died of embarrassment)

 

When my son went away to college last year to a predominantly Catholic University....I slipped a package of condoms to him as he was packing his toiletries and mentioned I'd rather he'd not be sexually active at this stage in his life, but if he was going to be....then be safe. (Don't even imagine how awkward it was for me to select and purchase condoms for my son......yikes!)  A short but necessary conversation...one of many we've had in the past and will continue to have until.......who knows when?!?!? 

 

Myra

[mrbmom77]

Please, please, please do NOT talk to the girlfriend. It is entirely inappropriate and I would be livid if it were my daughter. My kid, my responsibility, my right. I would be fine with it if my daughter initiated the conversation, though.

My first boyfriend's mother invited me for a "girl's day" to shop and have lunch. I thought she wanted to get to know me. Turned out, she wanted to tell me that I was not to seduce her precious boy and it was my responsibility to say no if he tried anything. I was mortified and angry. And it was pointless - I was crazy in love and didn't say no. I was never comfortable in their home again and I didn't like or trust her. She's the last person we would have gone to if we had a question or problem.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Do not talk to the girl, and I'd likely not talk to my son about the condoms either. He is likely sexually active, but not necessarily.

 

My friends and I  had condoms around long before any of us became sexually active. We used them to play jokes, as balloons, passed them out to friends and anything else we could think of. There was an epic condom water balloon fight on the freshman floor of my high school. The floors were lubricated for weeks despite clean up.  We had great fun running and sliding up and down the hall.

[Laura Corin]

I asked Calvin.  He said that you should tell your son to put the empty box out for recycling.

 

L

[DawnM]

OP, I don't think anyone here can advise you unless you share what YOUR family values are on this topic?

 

We have everything here from the range of "good for you" to "absolutely unacceptable!"

 

What do you and your DH think about sex at age 16? Do you think it is ok or not ok?

 

I can tell you exactly what our family would do, but if you don't agree then it won't do you any good or help you any.

[Laura Corin]

OP, I don't think anyone here can advise you unless you share what YOUR family values are on this topic?

 

We have everything here from the range of "good for you" to "absolutely unacceptable!"

 

What do you and your DH think about sex at age 16? Do you think it is ok or not ok?

 

I can tell you exactly what our family would do, but if you don't agree then it won't do you any good or help you any.

 

 

This may have been deliberate on the OP's part.  She may be bouncing the idea off us all as she tries to formulate her own views.

 

L

[unsinkable]

OP, I don't think anyone here can advise you unless you share what YOUR family values are on this topic?

 

We have everything here from the range of "good for you" to "absolutely unacceptable!"

 

What do you and your DH think about sex at age 16? Do you think it is ok or not ok?

 

I can tell you exactly what our family would do, but if you don't agree then it won't do you any good or help you any.

Very good points.

 

I think sex at just turned 16 is much too young so my reaction is based on that.

[AimeeM]

I can totally see he and a few of his friends doing this - daring one another to buy a box at the drugstore and then 'playing' with them.

We made water balloons with them.

Not my proudest moments, but better than the alternative :)

*hugs*

[Spryte]

In the original post--she suspects he's tried it.

 

Thanks. Apparently I need to work on reading comprehension.  :)

 

I would be more concerned about that than the empty box of condoms that may or may not have been for sex.  

[Trish]

Well I do wonder what has been said to the son in the past.

 

And what outcome does OP want to see happen here?