How do your children address non related adults

[Flowing Brook]

I was raised to address them as Mr or Mrs last name

In my teens I noticed other children of teens addressing adults as Mr or Mrs first name.

Now I hear children calling adults by their first name.

So I am just curious what others do.

How did you come to the decision?

If other what is the other?

[albeto]

First name is common here.

[Joker]

Mr. and Mrs. last name here. It's how my dds address other adults and it's how their friends address me.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I teach them to start with Mr/Miss/Mrs. LastName, but then to call the person whatever that person wishes to be called if they are corrected. Mr./Miss FirstName is very common. A good compromise.

[MtnMama]

Around here (Southern US) kids call adults Miss or Mr. First Name.

[Roadrunner]

Depends. My kids use "aunt" to adress my close friends or relatives. It's a cultural thing. They use Miss to address their teachers. They use first names to address everybody else (neighbors....).

[Crimson Wife]

I grew up with Mr./Mrs. Last Name as the standard but friends of my parents and parents of my friends typically being Mr./Mrs. Last Initial (e.g. Mr. J for somebody with the last name of Jones). A few especially close adults were given the honorary of "Aunt" or "Uncle" + First Name.

 

Out here the norm is for first name only and it makes me cringe because it seems so disrespectful. I have compromised by having my kids use Mr./Ms. + First Name. I'm not thrilled by it, but I can live with it.

[Firefly]

I teach them to start with Mr. or Miss/Mrs., but then to call the person whatever that person wishes to be called if they are corrected.

 

 

 

Yes, this is us as well-- or I will ask when I'm making introductions, "How do you like to be addressed?", depending on how formal the situation is. But most adults ask to be called by their first name. (I voted other.)

[jenn-]

A lot of people go by Mr or Mrs. First Name here. So many last names are a mouthful for kids that it is just easier for them to say the first name.

[kewb]

Mr./Mrs./Miss Last Name. If the adult says "Please, call me xxxx. Then the child/teen is free to call them that.

[Caitilin]

In our circles, people say Mr/Mrs. Lastname or else just Firstname, no Mr/Miss. (I personally detest Mr./Miss Firstname.)

[tkdkidsmom]

When my children were younger, it was Mr/Miss Firstname. Now that they are older we are switching to Mr/Miss Lastname.

[Rivka]

Here in Baltimore Mr./Ms. FirstName is the default, so that's what we've taught them to do. Even their doctor introduces himself to the kids as "Dr. Jim," and our minister actually likes kids to call him "Rev."

 

It's weird to me, though. I didn't grow up with that usage.

[Mélie]

Kids here seem to go with Mr/Mrs/Miss Last Name, unless the adult is introduced to them by first name or asks to be called by it. My kids are usually in the situation where they can just go along with whatever the other kids are calling people, so they've picked up on the fact that Johnny's parents are Dr. Johnson and Dr. Johnson, while our next-door neighbours are Dr. Smith and Mrs. Smith.

 

I noticed recently that sports coaches who don't have a kid playing (whether they're 16 or 60) are called by their first name, while fathers who volunteer to coach are Mr Last Name. When I was a kid, they were all Mr Last Name.

[bolt.]

I introduce my child to the adult, and then, wishing to introduce the adult to my child, I say with a warm smile, "And who are you to children?" -- Whatever the adult says goes. Therefore there is a wide variety of forms of address that we use, each one specific to the expressed preference of the adult in question. With other parents, I often take a cue from how they tell their children to address me.

 

Plain first names are common among 'younger' adults -- the unmarried or not-yet-parents set use this almost exclusively, and I would say it is the most common overall. Mr/Miss Firstname is somewhat widely used. Mr/Mrs Lastname is less common, but still used, particularly by those in 'professional' jobs, or retired from them. There is also a strong smattering of Aunt/Uncle Firstname, one Nanny Lastname, and a few Pastor Firstname... plus some Coach Firstname, and some Coach Lastname.

 

Personally, it would feel sort of 'smug' in my own eyes to be making my own choices about other people's names -- even if I was trying to express respect. In my opinion the greatest respect would be to respect the person's own wishes about such things, allowing them to define themselves in their own words.

[Mrs Mungo]

Mr/Miss Firstname is most common in military circles.

[Orthodox6]

For our family, it depends. (a) If the adult is non-related, and the familial connection is not close, and generally even if it is close, "Mr. Surname" and "Mrs. Surname". ( b ) If the adult is non-related, and the familial connection is very close, to the point of the person being considered as family, then typically it is "Aunt ___" and "Uncle ___". ( c ) When we lived in the South, we had to adapt (quickly) to the uncomfortable routine of "Miss First Name" and "Mr. First Name." (d) Although we have had previous thread(s) with positions militantly espoused (not always respectful of varying personal inclinations), I shall note that I positively cannot abide minors addressing adults by their first names only. I don't manage other families' lives in this, other than to require non-family minors to address me as "Mrs. Last Name." (When we lived in the South, I yielded to the ubiquitous "Miss First Name".) Now I shall cut and run for safety.

[Corraleno]

DD calls her violin teacher Miss Firstname and her orchestra teacher Mrs Lastname. Both kids call their climbing instructors and fencing coaches by their first names. They call their friends' parents by first name, and their friends call DH & I by first name. Generally I think most kids around here call adults (other than teachers) by their first name, unless the adult requests otherwise.

 

Personally, I much prefer being called by my first name, and I especially hated being called Miss Jackie when I was a teacher. The only person I even like calling me Mrs Lastname is my SIL, because we have the same name and it's sort of a joke between us. But I've always disliked markers of social deference based on arbitrary things like age or marital status or whatever.

 

Jackie

[Jean in Newcastle]

I teach them to start with Mr/Miss/Mrs. LastName, but then to call the person whatever that person wishes to be called if they are corrected. Mr./Miss FirstName is very common. A good compromise.

 

This. So it ends up being "all of the above".

[swellmomma]

By first name unless told differently. LIke the daycare teachers when I worked there, and the dance instructor all go by Miss firstname.

[JenneinCA]

However the adult wants to be addressed.

 

The most amusing version is when the child doesn't know my first or last name and instead I am called "MyChild'sName's Mom".

[poppy]

I introduce adults and "Mr or Ms LastName" but in almost every case the adult asks to be called by first name.

I don't love this (like everyone else, I grew up using title-lastname) but that's the way it is now and it's not worth a fuss to me.

 

I have never once heard anyone except a daycare teacher called Miss FirstName (and even then, most don't do that). It makes me think of black servants in the pre-Civil Rights Movement South of Driving Miss Daisy and The Help.

[petepie2]

Mr./Ms. First Name for us in the South. However, there are some elderly people we know that they would address as Mr./Mrs. Last Name.

[AndyJoy]

I was raised using Mrs. & Mrs. Lastname for everyone, even my mom's best friend who constantly insisted I call her Firstname.

 

I thought I would stick with this for my kids, but we have changed slightly.

 

My best friend, who we see all the time is just Firstname.

DH's single guy friends are Mr. Firstname.

My closer mom friends who we see often and have done preschool co-op with are Miss Firstname.

His teenage babysitter is Miss Firstname.

Everyone else is Mr. & Mrs. Lastname.

[Crimson Wife]

The most amusing version is when the child doesn't know my first or last name and instead I am called "MyChild'sName's Mom".

 

I'd personally prefer being addressed as "So-and-so's Mom" to just my first name. Calling me by my first name implies that we are at the same level, and a child isn't at the same level as an adult. Just like I would address an adult authority figure by his/her title, I expect my children to address adults with the use of a title. I wouldn't call the POTUS "Barack" nor would I call the Pope "Francis". That would be rude and disrespectful of me.

[BigMamaBird]

Most often it's Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, but if it's a close family friend it would be Mr. and Mrs. First Name.

[Guest]

People tell their kids to call me Miss First name. It drives me nuts. I'm a Mrs. and I'd prefer to be called by my last name. I'm 32, so I guess people just assume that's what I want to be called. They don't even ask first.

[Arcadia]

My boys address all unrelated adults as "Sir" or "Ma'am". My younger is the one who would open the bookstore or library door and say "Ladies first". He has also said "Good Day Sir" in his solemn voice for fun to people.

The most amusing version is when the child doesn't know my first or last name and instead I am called "MyChild'sName's Mom".

My kids are so close in age I was called "OlderName & YoungerName's Mom" when their school/activity mates want help.

[redsquirrel]

I ask the adult how they would like to be addressed. I always say, "Would you like to be called Mrs or Ms ABC?" Around here, everyone has always asked to be called by their first name. But then, my kids call me by my first name so it feels normal to them.

[LaxMom]

In our circles, people say Mr/Mrs. Lastname or else just Firstname, no Mr/Miss. (I personally detest Mr./Miss Firstname.)

I do, too, though that seems to be the cultural norm here.

 

Generally it falls out as: adults they don't know well are Mr/Mrs Last Name, friends' parents or coaches are Mr/Miss/Coach First Name, and adult friends and my coworkers (for whatever reason, probably because it's the Y and we're a first-name staff with members of all ages) are just First Name.

[Sparkle]

It depends. Close family friends - usually just their first name, although a couple are honorary aunts or uncles. At church, it seems the default is first name too for adults. It's almost seen as insulting to call someone by Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. At our 4-H club, however, it is all Mr. or Mrs. Lastname (that is how all the kids generally address all the adults).

[WTMCassandra]

We try to have the children address people mostly as Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname.

 

If the person wants to be called by firstname, we usually trying to see if they will accept Mr./Miss Firstname (we did live in the south a long time, LOL). I understand wanting to respect adults by calling them what they want to be called, BUT this was confusing to my children when they were younger. Rarely have I had someone object when I explained that we were trying to teach respect for adults so it was less confusing for the children if they would be willing to compromise on "Mr. Firstname." However, if the person would insist even after that, I would probably allow it (only happened with one person that I recall who felt militant about it). Now that the children are older, I would be more likely to let it slide into "Firstname" vs. "Mr. Firstname" if the person disliked being called Mr. Lastname.

 

A few people close to the family have gotten honorary "Aunt/Uncle/Grandma/Grandpa" titles.

[unfrumpable.]

We do first names here and that is how I prefer to be addressed by my friend's kids.

[jentancalann]

I voted "Mr. or Mrs first name", but it is actually "Mr. or Miss first name", regardless of marital status. This comes from my husband's southern upbringing. I, however, don't remember being taught what to call adults and mostly avoided it as a child.

[FaithManor]

Titles are used. So, Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr. Pastor, Reverend, Aunt, Uncle, etc.

 

I went to a college once that insisted that the faculty be "familiar" with the students and insisted on first names! Yikes. I.just.could.not.make.myself.do.it. So, I was the stodgy one.

 

Faith

[lynn]

I prefer Mr. and Mrs. Last name unless the adult asked to be called by first name. I let my friends decide what their children call me some expect Mrs. (last name,) some it's Mrs. (first name).

[Myeightkiddies]

We are from the south, and the children are use to using title and first name. I've had other southern adults ask them to do that or introduce themselves in that way. In the area we are from it is the norm.

 

Now that we moved to Ohio, I am teaching them to use title and last name. Hopefully no one will be offended if they forget once in awhile.

[QuirkyKapers]

For people they don't know, Mr. and Mrs. Last Name

For people we know Mr. and Mrs. Last Name/ Sometimes Mr. and Mrs. First Name

Some people, want to be called by their first name and tell the kids that. If that is the case, then first name it is.

[Susan in TN]

Mr. And Mrs. last name- when I was growing up, I was never told what to call adults. Most kids I knew called grow ups (except teachers) by their first names, but I was really uncomfortable with that. When I did use mrs or mr, people would sort of make fun of my " formality", so I was uncomfortable there, too.

 

Here in the South, Mr. And Mrs. last name seems to be the standard. Ocassionally an adult will suggest mrs first name, but dh and I will still use the last name with our kids.

[myfunnybunch]

I voted Mr./Mrs. Last name, first name, and other. I teach my children to address adults initially as Mr./Mrs. Last name and to ask, "Do you prefer to be called Mr./Mrs Lastname or Firstname?" Almost always the adults that we know ask the children to call them by their first name. I know I prefer it, though I think it's sweet when the pastor's children call me Mrs. Lastname, then correct themselves to my first name. (Sweet kids. I finally told them to just call me whatever was comfortable for them and what their parents preferred. :D )We live in the PNW. I'm not sure if region makes a difference in formality or not.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

 

 

I'd personally prefer being addressed as "So-and-so's Mom" to just my first name. Calling me by my first name implies that we are at the same level, and a child isn't at the same level as an adult. Just like I would address an adult authority figure by his/her title, I expect my children to address adults with the use of a title. I wouldn't call the POTUS "Barack" nor would I call the Pope "Francis". That would be rude and disrespectful of me.

 

 

If you are just the neighbor down or the street or someone else not particularly close/in a position of authority, then no, you are not really on a different level than the neighbor kids.

[bolt.]

I'd personally prefer being addressed as "So-and-so's Mom" to just my first name. Calling me by my first name implies that we are at the same level, and a child isn't at the same level as an adult. Just like I would address an adult authority figure by his/her title, I expect my children to address adults with the use of a title. I wouldn't call the POTUS "Barack" nor would I call the Pope "Francis". That would be rude and disrespectful of me.

I find this perspective very interesting -- honest, I mean interesting, not bad at all. I'm thinking that there are clearly "some ways" in which kids, adults, presidents and popes are "on the same level" and some ways in which they are not. That's an interesting set of ideas to poke at, but I wouldn't want you to feel like I'm poking at you. Could you let me know "in what ways" you consider some people higher and lower, clarifying so that I can grasp what you mean about "levels". Are you talking about social class? Power? Do you know what I'm trying to ask?

 

---

 

I went to a college once that insisted that the faculty be "familiar" with the students and insisted on first names! Yikes. I.just.could.not.make.myself.do.it. So, I was the stodgy one.

This is also an interesting point of view to me. Do you think it's still that way for some students? I'm about to start teaching at a college, and I'd like to know if you think some/many/all students would have personal discomfort over being on a first name basis with a prof. I wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable, but my name is a serious mouthful and prone to mispronunciation. Thoughts?

[PIE!]

I teach them to start with Mr/Miss/Mrs. LastName, but then to call the person whatever that person wishes to be called if they are corrected. Mr./Miss FirstName is very common. A good compromise.

 

 

This

[Crimson Wife]

If you are just the neighbor down or the street or someone else not particularly close/in a position of authority, then no, you are not really on a different level than the neighbor kids.

 

 

In my worldview, the 4th Commandment (5th for Protestants) dictates that children should be respectful towards adults (except in unusual circumstances).

[Crimson Wife]

I find this perspective very interesting -- honest, I mean interesting, not bad at all. I'm thinking that there are clearly "some ways" in which kids, adults, presidents and popes are "on the same level" and some ways in which they are not. That's an interesting set of ideas to poke at, but I wouldn't want you to feel like I'm poking at you. Could you let me know "in what ways" you consider some people higher and lower, clarifying so that I can grasp what you mean about "levels". Are you talking about social class? Power? Do you know what I'm trying to ask?

 

 

All people are equal in the eyes of God and in the eyes of the law, but not everyone is in an equal place in society. It isn't about money but about position of authority. Back when I was employed at my last paid job, I outearned plenty of policemen, clergymembers, medical interns, etc. but I still would've addressed them using a title of respect (Officer, Reverend/Father/Rabbi/etc., Doctor, etc.)

[OrganicAnn]

Other. My DD addresses adults however they tell her to address them. So if they say "call me Jane" she does, but if they say "I'm Mrs. Jones" she calls them that.

[Corraleno]

This is also an interesting point of view to me. Do you think it's still that way for some students? I'm about to start teaching at a college, and I'd like to know if you think some/many/all students would have personal discomfort over being on a first name basis with a prof. I wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable, but my name is a serious mouthful and prone to mispronunciation. Thoughts?

 

 

I attended a small LAC for undergrad, and was on a first name basis with almost all of my professors. The only 2 that I can remember who wanted to be addressed as Prof. Lastname were a guy in his late 60s who retired shortly thereafter and a young woman who taught English Lit, who was quite snobby and also fresh out of grad school, so I think she was trying to put some distance between herself and students who were only a few years younger than her. She was not well-liked, at any rate!

 

Grad school was at a major university, and the only prof that we (grad students) addressed formally was an elderly European who had such an air of formality about him that I suspect everyone but his wife and kids called him Dr. Lastname.

 

As I mentioned above, I personally don't consider myself on a "different level" from anyone else, regardless of age, social status, or whatever. I don't think children owe me any special deference just because I was born before they were. I think everyone deserves to be treated equally and politely, but I don't think "older people" earn extra respect just by living longer. I've found that the percentage of jerks and idiots is pretty consistent throughout all age groups, class levels, etc. I respect people for being kind, thoughtful, intelligent, etc. — regardless of how old they are, how much money or education they have, etc.

 

I don't have any problem with using professional titles in a professional context — addressing the dentist or pediatrician as Dr. Lastname, a policeman as Officer Lastname, or whatever. But I find it really pretentious when, for example, someone makes a restaurant reservation as "Dr. and Mrs. Lastname" with the expectation that they will get a better table because they are "higher status."

 

Jackie

[ChocolateReignRemix]

 

 

In my worldview, the 4th Commandment (5th for Protestants) dictates that children should be respectful towards adults (except in unusual circumstances).

 

 

I expect my boys to be respectful towards everyone. That doesn't mean you are necessarily on a different level.

[albeto]

 

All people are equal in the eyes of God and in the eyes of the law, but not everyone is in an equal place in society.

 

 

So... as a Christian, why wouldn't one want to elevate the person who is relegated to "less" in society to be promoted to "equal"? As an "ambassador of Christ," wouldn't social equality be a part of one's relationship with others?

[Crimson Wife]

 

So... as a Christian, why wouldn't one want to elevate the person who is relegated to "less" in society to be promoted to "equal"? As an "ambassador of Christ," wouldn't social equality be a part of one's relationship with others?

 

 

The NT explicitly directs Christians to respect civil authority (1 Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7, Matthew 22:21, etc.) Where in the Bible does it say that everyone is equal in society (as opposed to equal in God's eyes)? Christians should strive to be kind and civil towards everyone, but that is very different than believing that no one deserves respect by virtue of their position of authority.