How do your children address non related adults

[SJ.]

I absolutely HATE to be called Miss FirstName which tends to be popular here, seriously I hate it. In my circle of homeschooling friends it is Mr/Mrs LastName but the boys call the neighbors by their first names. My preference is my first name but when a child calls me Mrs LastName I assume that is what their parents prefer so I don't say anything, when I am called Miss FirstName I grit my teeth and think to myself "I am not a daycare teacher nor a teenager..." I still don't say anything because it is the parents' preference.

 

I am not sure how calling an adult, married woman Miss FirstName has evolved into "respectful" in my area.

[Lisa in SC]

I voted 'other.' We live in the south, so for friends and social acquaintances, our children address adults as Mr. or Mrs. First Name. However, for an instructor or other person of authority, they would address them as Mr. or Mrs. Last Name.

[Mom23Boys]

Mr. or Miss First Name. That is the norm here. I like it, but I grew up here, so this is the norm for me. I live in South Louisiana.

[KungFuPanda]

Here in Baltimore Mr./Ms. FirstName is the default, so that's what we've taught them to do. Even their doctor introduces himself to the kids as "Dr. Jim," and our minister actually likes kids to call him "Rev."

 

It's weird to me, though. I didn't grow up with that usage.

 

 

I grew up with Mr/Ms Lastname, but I'm raising kids in central MD, so they've always said Mr/Ms FirstName like all their friends.

 

They do still address school teachers and people they don't know as Mr. Lastname around here.

[Mrs Mungo]

Mr/Miss Firstname is most common in military circles.

 

 

I am going to quote myself because I really am surprised that some people hate this so much, but don't want to look like I am picking on anyone.

 

Like I said, it is extremely common in military circles. I believe this is largely because our kids get to know our friends and neighbors almost better than their blood relatives. We have been stationed with some couples/families multiple times. We spend holidays together and have even vacationed together. We often even know each other's extended families. It would be weird (to me) to call those people Mr/Mrs Lastname. But, the military community places a high priority on respect. So, an honorific comes into play. I think that is why it is so common in our circles.

[beaners]

It feels so funny to hear children call me Mrs. Lastname or my husband Mr. Lastname. Those are my in-laws. :lol: Like in Finding Nemo where Crush doesn't want to be called "Mr. Turtle."

 

My children either do Mr/Mrs Lastname or Mr/Miss Firstname, depending on how the adult is introduced. They also do "So-and-so's Mom" frequently.

[albeto]

 

The NT explicitly directs Christians to respect civil authority (1 Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7, Matthew 22:21, etc.)

 

Sure, but in the context of a neighborhood, what "civil authority" does a child calling an adult by their sir name respect?

 

Where in the Bible does it say that everyone is equal in society (as opposed to equal in God's eyes)? Christians should strive to be kind and civil towards everyone, but that is very different than believing that no one deserves respect by virtue of their position of authority.

 

 

You said all people are equal in the eyes of God. I'm wondering, as a Christian, as an ambassador for God, wouldn't that be reflected in the practice of holding another person equal to you in society? Kwim?

[SJ.]

I am going to quote myself because I really am surprised that some people hate this so much. Like I said, it is extremely common in military circles. This is largely because our kids get to know our friends and neighbors almost better than their blood relatives. We have been stationed with some couples/families multiple times. We spend holidays together and have even vacationed together. We often even know each other's extended families. It would be weird (to me) to call those people Mr/Mrs Lastname. But, the military community places a high priority on respect. So, an honorific comes into play. I think that is why it is so common in our circles.

 

 

 

Interesting. My town has a large military presence, perhaps that is why it is so popular here. There is a difference, here it isn't Mrs. FirstName it is Miss FirstName regardless of marital status. I don't know why I have a problem with being called "Miss" as an address (by people who know I am married) but I do.

[AimeeM]

Mr/Mrs/Miss first name usually (as per their preference).

My husband HATES "sir" and "ma'am"; while I was raised with it (southern gal here), he can't stand it so our children don't use it (well, my eldest is inclined to use it with me when she's in trouble, but I'm trying to nix that, lol). Must be his yankee blood....

[LeslieAnneLevine]

It depends who it is. For example, his tutor is Mrs. Lastname, another instructor is Maestro Lastname, his former art teacher was Miss Firstname (her choice). Most friends of the family are called by their first names. If I knew someone liked to be called Mr or Mrs Lastname, that would be fine.

[BarbecueMom]

I think Miss/Mr. Firstname is the norm here, but for myself I prefer not to be addressed by name at all. I rarely call anyone by their name when talking directly to them. Even DH thinks it sounds weird when I use his name when talking to him.

 

"Hey you" would be fine with me, but I doubt I could convince anyone to let their kids call me that.

[Crimson Wife]

You said all people are equal in the eyes of God. I'm wondering, as a Christian, as an ambassador for God, wouldn't that be reflected in the practice of holding another person equal to you in society? Kwim?

 

I don't know how many times I need to repeat myself for you to understand me, but not everyone is in an equal place in society. I may not care much for the current POTUS' politics, but he is in a position of authority, and I use a title of respect when referring to him. If I were ever to meet him, I wouldn't call him by his first name because that would be rude and disrespectful of me. We are both equal in the eyes of God, but not in society- and that's okay.

[albeto]

I don't know how many times I need to repeat myself for you to understand me,

 

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand what I see as two, incongruent concepts. Perhaps I'm just very confused, so thanks for bearing with me so far.

 

but not everyone is in an equal place in society.

 

I know. You said that in the first post to which I replied. But you also said everyone is equal in God's eyes. The two concepts are incompatible as far as I can figure out.

 

I may not care much for the current POTUS' politics, but he is in a position of authority, and I use a title of respect when referring to him. If I were ever to meet him, I wouldn't call him by his first name because that would be rude and disrespectful of me. We are both equal in the eyes of God, but not in society- and that's okay.

 

My question refers to the neighborhood (as referenced here). You offered that a child isn't at the same level as an adult (here). So that makes me wonder, if a child isn't the same level as an adult in society, but is in God's eyes (as suggested here), then it makes sense to me for an ambassador of God to see, and consequently treat, said child as an equal. Does that make sense? Unless society represents God's will, the inequality isn't Godly, but a Christian is called to be Godly (holy). Does that help explain my confusion?

[Mrs Mungo]

My question refers to the neighborhood (as referenced here). You offered that a child isn't at the same level as an adult (here). So that makes me wonder, if a child isn't the same level as an adult in society, but is in God's eyes (as suggested here), then it makes sense to me for an ambassador of God to see, and consequently treat, said child as an equal. Does that make sense? Unless society represents God's will, the inequality isn't Godly, but a Christian is called to be Godly (holy). Does that help explain my confusion?

 

No, it really doesn't. My husband's soldiers refer to him by his title or "Sir." This is a deference to his authority and a show of respect. His religion has nothing to do with it.

 

Likewise, in most societies, children are expected to show respect and deference to adults. This is true regardless of religion.

 

This is not a difficult concept.

 

You are conflating two different issues. You are making something about Christianity that has nothing to do with religion, IMO.

[Spy Car]

When I was a boy in Los Angeles, Mr or Mrs (or Miss, if it fit) Last Name was the norm.

 

No one said Mr or Miss First Name. That and making a habit of saying "sir and ma'am" would get peole looking at you funny (and wondering where you were from—which was clearly not from here).

 

These days First Name is most common. Some elderly people are exceptions (Mr/Mrs Last name). Same for Teachers. Teachers Aides are about the only people who get the Mrs First Name treatment.

 

Bill

[albeto]

No, it really doesn't. My husband's soldiers refer to him by his title or "Sir."

 

This I understand. Soldiers approaching their commanding officer is different than neighborhood kids approaching one of the local moms, though. Your husband has a specific authority over his soldiers. As a mother in the neighborhood, I don't have any authority over other people's kids. This is my disconnect.

[zoobie]

In my circle of friends, we mostly use first names. My older kids went to Montessori school, and the teachers are all called by their first names. The default here in the South seems to be Mr./Ms. First Name. The kids' karate teacher is big on titles and respect and calls me Mrs. Last Name, which means he has to do it several times because I'm not listening for that. :)

 

I use sir/ma'am with elderly people or when I don't know the person's name. People who get upset by this amuse me. What else do you call a stranger? In college, I was at work and a man left his wallet on the counter. I saw it and called out, "Sir! You left your wallet!" He came back and went off on me about calling him sir. I said, "You're absolutely right. I'm very sorry. Hey, dumb$$$, you left your wallet." And smiled sweetly as I handed it to him.

[TechWife]

I chose other, because it depends on who the adult is and what our relationship is to them. I grew up with Mr./Miss first name. Around here, people do both because there is a mix of people from around the world. I teach to use whatever the person being addressed prefers with Mr./Miss last name as the default when meeting new adults. Some people started out as Mr/Miss last name and are now Mr./Miss first name. Funny, we have friends where I am "Aunt First Name" and my husband is "Mr. Last Name" to their son. I think he's going to find his family tree very confusing in a few years, but it's what works for all of us, so we roll with it!

 

Since my son is older now, I wouldn't have a problem with him addressing any adult under the age of 30 by just their first name from the start, though I haven't told him this. I think he's just figuring it out as we come across people who we've known for a long time and are now in their early twenties. I won't require him to go from "Kevin" to "Mr. Jones" just become someone we know has aged into adulthood.

 

By and large, I think this really isn't the big deal that many people make it out to be. It's not hard to say "What name would you prefer my children use when addressing you?" if you are uncertain how to proceed. I don't see how asking could possibly insult anyone, but I don't know everyone, so you never know!

[Word Nerd]

I don't think any child has ever called me Mrs. Surname before, but I have been called Miss FirstName before. I don't mind it but don't care either way. Most kids use first names with adults here.

[Word Nerd]

 

 

I am not sure how calling an adult, married woman Miss FirstName has evolved into "respectful" in my area.

 

 

I'm not sure what is disrespectful about it as a rule, though I think if you express your preference not to be called that it would be rude for a parent to insist that their child call you that anyway.

[SilverMoon]

I voted for both Mr./Mrs. Lastname and Mr./Mrs. Firstname. We use both on a regular basis depending on who it is. Sunday School teachers are generally Miss Firstname, as do Cub Scout leaders. All the pastors they know prefer Pastor Firstname. All adults in Boy Scouts, leaders or parents, are addressed with their last names. My kids seem to interchange automatically and never have a problem with it.

[Guest inoubliable]

First names here, with a few exceptions. The children call me by my first name, but call DH "Dad". DS12 called me by my first name before I met DH. DS12 started calling DH "Dad" on his own, out of the blue. It continues with our wee beasties (DS8 and DS5). The children call my parents by their "grandparents names" when they're around their cousins. They call them by their first names when the cousins aren't around - but if you didn't know my parents' names are Scots Gaelic, you'd think that those first names are some weird "grandparent name" anyway. The children call some of our best friends Aunt Ari, Uncle Liam, etc. Other adults are first name. Except for Mail Dude. We have no idea what that guy's name is, but he likes Mail Dude.

[SJ.]

I'm not sure what is disrespectful about it as a rule, though I think if you express your preference not to be called that it would be rude for a parent to insist that their child call you that anyway.

 

 

I didn't mean it was disrespectful, what I meant was I don't necessarily feel it is overtly respectful. Many say they have their children use the titles as a means of respect but I just don't see how it is any more respectful than calling me SJ (instead of Miss SJ). I am not unmarried nor am I a girl, why refer to me as Miss with the intention of being extra respectful? Please excuse me if this isn't clear as I am quite tired at the moment *yawn*

 

I agree with you about stating preferences which I normally do not do unless asked because I assume that is the parental preference. Once I did mention I didn't like it to a neighbor and she was quite baffled because she enjoys being called Miss First Name, she stated it reminded her of when she taught preschool. She still refers to me as Miss SJ to her children.

 

ETA: I don't see using first names as disrespectful and I see using titles as extra-respectful hence my terms overt and extra, I'm sure others dont' see it that way. I think it is because I was raised calling adults by their first names which was the norm for other children too with the exception of the elderly.

[Joker]

As a mother in the neighborhood, I don't have any authority over other people's kids. This is my disconnect.

 

 

Maybe this is your disconnect. I can tell neighbor kids not to do something and they listen. Other parents/neighbors can tell my dds not to do something and they better listen. Dds know if they're asked to do something that is weird or wrong then they come directly to me. It's never been an issue. When a dd has friends sleep over they most definitely listen to me. If they didn't, they wouldn't be invited back.

[Shahrazad]

Growing up, I was taught to call adults by Mrs/Mr. First Name and use ma'am and sir. Actually , I still use sir and ma'am out of habit. When with friends or adults from my father's community, depending on who they were, I would call them aunt/uncle in Arabic (out of respect....they weren't actually related but it was like saying my mother's sister or father's brother), by their oldest child's name so calling them father of so and so or so and so's mom, or just plainly by my first name. I honestly don't care if a child calls me by my first name so long as it isn't my child. I don't even enforce calling me aunt name on my nieces and nephews. I will teach my kids to use the terms I was taught though except perhaps to change Mrs and Mr first name to last name.

[Shahrazad]

Their first name. Forum won't let me correct.

[Audrey]

Mr. or Ms./Mrs. Last Name, unless and/or until the adult in question asks to be called something else.

[Mrs Mungo]

 

 

This I understand. Soldiers approaching their commanding officer is different than neighborhood kids approaching one of the local moms, though. Your husband has a specific authority over his soldiers. As a mother in the neighborhood, I don't have any authority over other people's kids. This is my disconnect.

 

The bit you left out did not explain it?

Likewise, in most societies, children are expected to show respect and deference to adults. This is true regardless of religion.

 

It is about respect and deference, not just authority. I give up my seat on the metro to an elderly person out of respect and deference, not out of a position of authority.

[Heather in Neverland]

Close personal friends they call Uncle/Aunt ------.

 

Everyone else is Mr./Mrs. Last Name. I think the trend of children and teens calling adults by their first name is disrespectful.

 

My children do use ma'am and sir as well.

 

 

[Juliegmom]

I teach them to start with Mr/Miss/Mrs. LastName, but then to call the person whatever that person wishes to be called if they are corrected. Mr./Miss FirstName is very common. A good compromise.

 

Same here!

[Isabella]

I myself always request other people's children to call me by my first name, unless their parents insist otherwise.

 

For others, when my kids were littler, I would mostly introduce the other person to my kids as Mr/Mrs Lastname, but add 'or would you prefer to be called something different?'

[Mama Geek]

I voted other just because we are teacher her Mr./Miss not Mrs. first name. Until I was about 10 I was in West Virginia and Penn. I called people Mr or Mrs Last name or if they were good friends it was just their first names. When we moved south it turned to Mr or Miss first name unless the people were teachers or old enough to be grandparents and then it was always still Mr/Mrs last name. It was a hard adjustment and so was changing to saying yes ma'am or sir which I never really did pick up.

[Pod's mum]

I myself always request other people's children to call me by my first name, unless their parents insist otherwise.

 

Almost everyone around here is first name, apart from some older people.

A couple of people prefer Mrs Last name and one friend insisted her children call me Mrs then-husband's Last Name.

That was never my name, I kept my name, and Mrs my last name is my mum, not me and I HATE Ms/Miss my last name.

To her it is a respect title. To me is is the opposite of respect if they are addressing me by a title I really dislike and have told her so clearly.

Respect is to use the title prefered by the one being addressed.

[Melissa in Australia]

IT depends on who the adults are. some are by first name, some are by mr or mrs such and such and some are by first and last name all together ( not to the person's face though)

[ashfern]

I voted other. If it's an adult from church they are Brother/Sister last name. If it's an adult in any other context then it's Mr/Ms first name.

[DawnM]

We had to rethink all of this when we moved from the West Coast to the SouthEast.

 

In CA we generally called everyone, even adults, by their first names. My young children did and I didn't find it odd at all that their friends called me by my first name.

 

The only time I heard Mr./Mrs. was in a situation like a school setting or church (again, teacher) setting.

 

Here in NC it is far less common and my children call adults by Mr./Mrs. or if they are a very close friend they might call them "Miss First Name."

[skimomma]

I thought the whole formal name thing was a thing of the past. Dd calls everyone by their first name. I cannot think of a single time she has been asked to address anyone by anything different. She does call one set of aunt/uncle "Aunt and Uncle _____" because that is what we think they prefer but that is the only exception I can think of. Even her violin teacher, who is technically a Dr., prefers to be called by her first name. I teach at a university and I ask my students to call me by my first name. Most comply. Those that do not tend to mess up my "title" anyway which I think is far more awkward. I address my colleagues by first name though most are Drs. All of dd's friends call me by first name and as far as I can tell, they address all parents by first name.

[I talk to the trees]

Mr. or Mrs. Lastname, unless the adult involved says, "Please call me Firstname." I think of it as a sign of respect, kind of like addressing someone as "Doctor" or "Reverend" so-and-so. Miss Firstname is for dance teachers in our household! :)

[chiguirre]

In Houston the default is Miss/Mister Firstname. That's the standard, anything else sounds strange. I've gotten used to it, even though I grew up in at Mr./Mrs. Lastname place. It's not a political or ideological statement, it's just the local custom.

[msrift]

Depends on what the adult prefers. We've done Mrs. Last Name, Miss First Name, just First Name, Miss Last Name Initial.

[mamaraby]

I find some of the passion about this topic to be a bit confusing. How one is addressed has nothing to do with the amount of respect the person addressing you is *actually* giving. They can Mrs. Lastname you all you want, but that does not mean they see you as a person in authority nor that they are paying you actual respect. Sorry, but I find it hard to see how words = intent.

 

I absolutely despise being called Mrs.Lastname. To me it sours the whole deal. I find the whole Miss/Mr firstname equally loathsome and ridiculously contrived. First name please, it's who I was when I was born and it will be who I am when I'm done.

 

I'm much more interested in actual respect that goes farther than words and titles and where the intent and heartfelt meaning is clear. I'd much rather my children show *that* kind of respect and do so not because of status or perceived social station, but because they are fellow human beings.

[regentrude]

Completely depends. They address...

...our close friends by their first name.

...other moms in our homeschool group by their first name - all kids do.

...other adults we are not close friends with, or other friends' parents (not from our group) as Mr/Mrs Lastname.

and of course, their instructors as Dr. Lastname.

[MyThreeSons]

How did you come to the decision?

If other what is the other?

 

 

We definitely taught our guys that it's not okay for them to address an adult by first name only.

 

When we lived in CA, it was strictly title and last name.

 

Here in SC, many people do the title with first name, so my guys do some of that, sometimes title and last name. It just sort of happens one way or the other. For example, our former youth pastor asked to be called Pastor Kris, so that's what we did. It evolved into PK, and that's what we still use when referring to him.

 

For some reason, with women, we tend to use Mrs. with a last name, but Miss with a first name, even if she's married. In Sunday School, we teach the kids to call us Miss (first name).

 

The high school director for our co-op is commonly referred to as Mrs. H. No one says her full last name -- teachers, students, parents all just use her last name initial.

 

In other words, we're a mess. Bless our hearts!

[mommymilkies]

Call by first name. I only ever knew Preschool classes who called anyone older "Miss XYZ" or "Mr. XYZ" until I moved to the south. The first time I was called Ma'am in the south, I cried, too. I thought he was calling me old. :p Even in Southern KY where my family is from, it was never normal to call anyone other than their name from my experience.

[Mommy22alyns]

I voted other. The default here is Mr./Mrs./Ms. firstname and that's what we do most of the time. Rebecca generally addresses her gymnastics coaches as Coach firstname. Every now and then the team girls just do firstname.

[MyThreeSons]

In my opinion the greatest respect would be to respect the person's own wishes about such things, allowing them to define themselves in their own words.

 

YES!!

 

I have a friend whose name is Michael. That's what he introduces himself as, that's what his wife calls him, so that's what I call him. I cringe when anyone calls him Mike.

 

When my oldest was about 4, I taught him that he could politely tell people "Please call me Joseph." when they called his by some nickname. The funny thing is that now he's 23 and only wants to be called Joe. I'm having a tough time making the transition.

[Renthead Mommy]

I am going to quote myself because I really am surprised that some people hate this so much, but don't want to look like I am picking on anyone.

 

Like I said, it is extremely common in military circles. I believe this is largely because our kids get to know our friends and neighbors almost better than their blood relatives. We have been stationed with some couples/families multiple times. We spend holidays together and have even vacationed together. We often even know each other's extended families. It would be weird (to me) to call those people Mr/Mrs Lastname. But, the military community places a high priority on respect. So, an honorific comes into play. I think that is why it is so common in our circles.

 

 

See we're military, and I always figured the Miss first name thing (which I hate) was so common because the military is so southern!

 

You respect people in how you speak to them and what you say. Calling your mom's friends Miss Kathy would have been disrespectful growing up because Kathy wasn't my piano teacher, or my preschool teacher. She was the neighbor. And if she yelled at you to get off garage roof or out of the tree or something and you replied "yes Miss Kathy" that would have come across as sassy.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It's not a political or ideological statement, it's just the local custom.

 

 

Yep. When in Rome and all that. . .

[Mommy22alyns]

 

YES!!

 

I have a friend whose name is Michael. That's what he introduces himself as, that's what his wife calls him, so that's what I call him. I cringe when anyone calls him Mike.

 

When my oldest was about 4, I taught him that he could politely tell people "Please call me Joseph." when they called his by some nickname. The funny thing is that now he's 23 and only wants to be called Joe. I'm having a tough time making the transition.

 

 

 

Yep, Rebecca is Rebecca or Becca, but NOT Becky. Her HC (he is from Korea) started calling her Becky and I told her she could politely set him straight. I hope she did!

[Mrs_JWM]

If adults ask to be called by their first names, my daughter won't call them anything. :(

 

Did I train her too well when I told her to call adults Mr. or Mrs./Ms.?

 

I have a hard time calling my parents' friends by their first names when they've asked me to, so I get her dilemma.