couple behavior in front of kids

[clarkacademy]

As far as adult couples married or just together I was wondering, is it appropriate for them to bathe together? Example my kids are 16 14 12 and 8 would it be a crime to take a bath with their dad and they know we are in the bathroom? I just would like some opinions is all I have heard some different ones lately and a few were quite disturbing

[Mrs Mungo]

Would it be a crime for you to take a bath with your dh? No. Why would it be? Teens will eventually have an inkling about what is happening. That is part of growing up.

[Renthead Mommy]

You mean the adult couple to take a bath together right? That's what I"m going with, reading it it just ran through my brain funny.

 

They are not little kids. They know you have sex. They also know you bathe. They are also more than old enough to understand "I AM IN THE TUB TO RELAX! DO NOT BOTHER ME!" This statement is true no matter if you are in there alone or with (invited) company!

[clarkacademy]

OK I don't feel so weird now lol! I was talking about something and the subject went there and let's call her Suzy had a flip out about how terrible and disgusting that would be among some other words! I don't see a problem with it but wanted to check first lol!

[MomtoCandJ]

Heck dh and I shower together and dd is only 4. We tell her it's so we don't waste water and kill the fish

[stripe]

Would it be okay to get pregnant when your oldest is a teen? Is that scandalous?

[fairfarmhand]

mmmm....nope. Not an issue.

 

It's not like you're spelling out exactly what you are doing in there. Sometimes couples bathe together to get clean, sometimes they do "other things." Either way, as long as you are being reasonably discreet (no loud sighs or moans :) ) I see no issue with it.

 

Although, if this happens at my house, in the master bedroom, I lock the bedroom door and lock the bathroom door. Kind of like a foyer for the bathroom, because nothing is more irritating than having someone pound on the door while you're (ahem) busy. My big kids know how to unlock the door in case of an extreme emergency, but that has NEVER happened.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Wow, really, someone freaked out about that?! I feel sorry for her husband.

[fairfarmhand]

Wow, really, someone freaked out about that?! I feel sorry for her husband.

 

I wonder if she and her dh have twin beds, like Lucy and Ricky.

[misty.warden]

Terrible and disgusting? I would not take that person's advice to heart on the subject of parenting and tea time. One should not be explicit while children are directly watching, no matter the children's ages, however bathing together with or without the implication of what else may or may not be going on while you're in there, is nowhere near. Kids need good role models for how the marriage relationship works and examples of affectionate or "normal" behavior. Where else do they learn it?

[gardenmom5]

teens can be very embarassed by the idea that their parents have, you know, engage, in . . . eeuuuwww. :eek: :blushing: ;) :D (hence why some teens are embarassed when their mother gets pregnant.)

 

teens seem to think they're the first generation to discover such things.

[BakersDozen]

Wouldn't be weird to me, but then if we shower together that is all we do...seriously, that's all. The thought of bodily fluids (urine or anything else) on a shower floor grosses me out big time, so nothing happens in the shower that usually happens in bed. ;) As for taking a bath, that wouldn't be strange but is also doesn't happen here because 1) I hate baths and 2) our tub would never accomodate two adults.

[dbmamaz]

none of anyones business. if you are just bathing, totally no big deal . . . i'm ok w my kids seeing me naked (tho they arent lol so they run if i'm not dressed) and if other stuff is going on, just lock the door. I mean, you do other stuff together in BED when the kids are home, so what's the difference? fwiw, dh and i often share a shower in the morning

[LaxMom]

Would it be okay to get pregnant when your oldest is a teen? Is that scandalous?

Well, gee, I hope not, since there's a 12 year age difference between my first and second. ;)

[FeFe]

My parents took a bath together nightly when I was growing up. I wasn't scarred for life and now that I'm married and have my own family, I think it was rather sweet of them to make that time for each other nearly every day.

[SKL]

I probably would not, but I can't honestly say whether my parents ever did this or not when I was very young. I do know they spent time in the bathroom alone-together, because I walked in on them once - ooops. (I was too little to know what I walked in on, though.) By the time I knew about "that stuff," I did NOT want to know any information about my parents participating in it. (Still don't, LOL.)

[redsquirrel]

I would absolutely take a shower with my DH if my kids were awake and doing their own thing. My kids wouldn't think anything of it. I personally would not feel comfortable taking a 'recreational' shower, but that is due to the layout of my house etc. And the fact that my 8 year old has zero concept of parental privacy. I lock the bathroom door while taking my own shower and he stands outside and talks to the door the whole time.

 

But, if you have actual privacy and your kids are old enough to be unsupervised for that amount of time, have fun!

[StephanieZ]

Suzy has some serious issues!

[Ottakee]

NO PROBLEM with that as long as it is just you and dh in the bathroom. Dh and I do this quite often. I actually think it is great (although horrid for teens to think about) that parents show that they love each other and take time for each other.

 

I actually had a friend over one time and when she was getting ready to leave she said, "I have to take a shower with ........... before we go out for supper" and then was briefly horified when she realized my kids had heard her. They didn't even pay attention and I told her no big deal, happens here too.............great way to save water :-)

[stripe]

I mean, you do other stuff together in BED when the kids are home, so what's the difference? fwiw, dh and i often share a shower in the morning

Indeed, unless you've got matching twin beds, the assumption is, you sleep together!

 

But I don't think you need to make an announcement. "Hello, Jane? Dick? Mommy and Daddy are going to be bathing together now."

[I.Dup.]

Dh and I regularly shower together. He's a big dude and we don't have a bath that fits both of us. We also still shower with our children (him with the boys, me with dd very occasionally). We are very European in this sense, I guess. However, regarding teA activities we are very discreet- I wouldn't dream of making a big ruckus and making it really obvious.

[Mom-ninja.]

I think it's healthy and is also an example of a happy relationship. I want my kids to know that dh and I love each other. I want my kids to know that there is *nothing* shameful regarding two mature loving adults in a relationship having sex.

 

Dh and I flirt, hug, kiss, hold hands all the time in front of the kids. We also tell the kids that when our door is locked to not bother us. I'm sure the 12 yr old is catching on.

[QuirkyKapers]

My dh will come in and talk to me when I am taking a bath. My kids don't really notice. So, I don't think it is weird.

[Cricket]

My mil and fil still shower together and they are in their 70s. When we are visiting, they just say, "Well, off to take our shower and then to bed. See you in the morning!" Doesn't even phase our kids.

[Mom-ninja.]

.great way to save water :-)

 

Well, I don't know about the saving water part......cause I tend to be in the shower with dh a bit longer than when I'm alone. He likes to make sure I'm very clean. :lol:

[QuirkyKapers]

Well, I don't know about the saving water part......cause I tend to be in the shower with dh a bit longer than when I'm alone. He likes to make sure I'm very clean. :lol:

 

I bet because being clean is very, very important and takes a very, very long time ;)

[Tammyla]

I say do what ever you want, but make sure what goes on behind closed doors isn't :bigear: heard :bigear: by those on the other side of the door :w00t: . Kwim?

[Ottakee]

Noise is where a radio or TV placed near the door is a great thing. We even have our TV hooked to speakers in the kitchen and family room area so that there is lots of background noise to block out any other noise.

[redsquirrel]

My mil and fil still shower together and they are in their 70s. When we are visiting, they just say, "Well, off to take our shower and then to bed. See you in the morning!" Doesn't even phase our kids.

 

 

I just realized that my mom and her husband do this every night. I have never even thought about it. It is just what they do. And I don't assume that just because two people are sharing a shower/bath that anything more than bathing is happening.

 

LoL, my DH keeps me 'company' when I am taking a shower also. He sits on the toilet and talks about his day or our plans for tomorrow etc.

 

 

I think I just realized where my 8 year old gets it. No wonder I never have any peace around here!

[goldberry]

This brings up a problem I have. DD has a bedroom downstairs, and our bedroom is upstairs, but the house in designed with a loft style. There is no door to our bedroom and it is open to downstairs. When DD was smaller, she went to bed earlier and it was no big deal. Now she stays up late. Although her door is closed, DH and I are both super paranoid about her getting up for water or whatever and us having to "freeze" instantly. The worry does not make for a relaxing experience.

 

Every so often we tell DD that we need some quiet time or talk time and she should go watch a movie or whatever without interrupting us for awhile. I'm sure she is starting to figure this out, but she doesn't act horrifed or anything...are we traumatizing her? Is this bad to do? What other options would I have?

 

BTW, your shower thing is fine. We don't like the shower though. ;)

[Ottakee]

This brings up a problem I have. DD has a bedroom downstairs, and our bedroom is upstairs, but the house in designed with a loft style. There is no door to our bedroom and it is open to downstairs. When DD was smaller, she went to bed earlier and it was no big deal. Now she stays up late. Although her door is closed, DH and I are both super paranoid about her getting up for water or whatever and us having to "freeze" instantly. The worry does not make for a relaxing experience.

 

 

 

 

Can you remodel the space to enclose it more? I would want walls and a door.

 

We stayed at my friend's aunt's house in Montana last week for a few days. It was 17dd and I and we stayed in the loft. It was beautiful and we had 360 degree views of the mountains but a loft would NOT work for dh and I for a long term bedroom.

[Murphy101]

To me "in front of kids" means kids are actually viewing or in the same room.

 

And involves nakedness or something more than just PDA.

 

My kids regularly see us:

Kiss, sometimes lots or deeply

Hug

Pat bums

Comment on sexiness of each other

Joke about renting a hotel room

Me sitting in dh's lap

I or dh telling a kid to move to another seat do we can sit next to each other

 

We shower together.

 

Our door being closed means they better knock.

 

My dh has joked that God made tv to help propagate the species. ;p

 

But we don't view sex between husband and wife as dirty or shameful and verboten to talk about either.

 

It's just married love.

[bolt.]

My DH and I mostly-always shower together, and my kids don't think that's any stranger than the idea that we sleep in the same bed. They also know what sex is (mechanically) and that married people enjoy it (at 5 and 8 now, but they've known for years). We taught in more detail, but a basic description we have used is 'hugging and kissing with no clothes on' -- so if they ever were up in the night (or other times) to catch a glimpse, I don't think we'd have to make a big production of 'freezing' or pretending we were tickling... unless we were tickling. I think I'd just say, "Hon, this is sex. It's private because we are using our private parts, so get your water and go away. And don't look 'round while you are getting your water. G'night, now!" I honestly don't think I'd care about the feeling of being 'caught'.

[Julie Smith]

But I don't think you need to make an announcement. "Hello, Jane? Dick? Mommy and Daddy are going to be bathing together now."

 

Well maybe if you are a one bathroom house.

 

(I'm just thinking of something unrelated. But I have a super poopy power. As soon as I get in the bath EVERYONE in the house has to POO right away! Can't possible wait. :glare: )

[LostSurprise]

It's okay to have a family culture which is more open about intimacy.

 

It's okay to have a family culture which is more private about intimacy.

 

It's not okay to tell someone else their family culture is terrible or disgusting ...or cold and prudish. That's rude.

 

My family of origin was very private. My husband's family was much more direct, even in front of me when we were dating. I was shocked, but I would never have said anything. Seeing his reaction to it, I think it was a very healthy way to model a loving relationship.

 

Its not like you're announcing anything. You're just living an affectionate physical relationship, and allowing the people around you to slowly learn what that means...and be mature about it.

[lavender's green]

No big deal. My parents did this all the time and I'm not scarred from it.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

This post made me laugh. I can remember being at my cousin's house around age 13 or so, and watching a movie with my cousin when first my aunt, went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, then my uncle went in. I think my eyebrows just about crawled into my hair I was so shocked, but it's actually a really nice memory I have of how married couples can/should be with each other. Being from a divorced family, I don't think I'd really had much experience witnessing intimacy in that sense.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My DH and I mostly-always shower together, and my kids don't think that's any stranger than the idea that we sleep in the same bed. They also know what sex is (mechanically) and that married people enjoy it (at 5 and 8 now, but they've known for years). We taught in more detail, but a basic description we have used is 'hugging and kissing with no clothes on' -- so if they ever were up in the night (or other times) to catch a glimpse, I don't think we'd have to make a big production of 'freezing' or pretending we were tickling... unless we were tickling. I think I'd just say, "Hon, this is sex. It's private because we are using our private parts, so get your water and go away. And don't look 'round while you are getting your water. G'night, now!" I honestly don't think I'd care about the feeling of being 'caught'.

 

 

:hurray: :lol: :gnorsi:

[El...]

My mil and fil still shower together and they are in their 70s. When we are visiting, they just say, "Well, off to take our shower and then to bed. See you in the morning!" Doesn't even phase our kids.

I think this is sweet. I hope we are so spry in our old age!

[Mom-ninja.]

Oh, one thing I'll warn about though. If your kid answers the phone while two of you are in the shower s/he may make a comment that you'd rather they didn't. One such example might be, "Hi. No, Mom can't come to the phone. She's in the shower with Daddy. I can tell her to call you but it will be awhile. They always stay in the shower really long."

[Julie Smith]

Oh, one thing I'll warn about though. If your kid answers the phone while two of you are in the shower s/he may make a comment that you'd rather they didn't. One such example might be, "Hi. No, Mom can't come to the phone. She's in the shower with Daddy. I can tell her to call you but it will be awhile. They always stay in the shower really long."

 

 

In a similiarly embarissing momment. My kids use to be in the habit of calling anything on tv (or any screen) that wasn't Dora or Diego and Adult movie. I had the chance to watch the TV show Bones, season fanile. I had it on my iPad (we don't have a tv room, or tv for that matter). I told the kids I was going to my room to watch it and to leave me alone.

 

So when a neighbor next door said hello through the window one of my boys said, "Mommy is locked in her room watching adult movies and we can't bug her."

[OnTheBrink]

Well, I find it scandalous. SCAN. DA. LOUS. And sleeping in the same bed? Well, that's just dirty. I bet you and your dh see each other's underwear, too! If I knew where you lived, I'd call DCFS in a heartbeat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, not really. Everyone was being agreeable so I thought I'd throw a dissenting post into the mix, sprinkled with some judgment and prudishness. :D

[Mrs_JWM]

Way to go, OnTheBrink - thread killer! ;)

[Guest]

My dh will come in and talk to me when I am taking a bath. My kids don't really notice. So, I don't think it is weird.

 

 

DH does this, also. All the time. The kids know and don't think anything of it because nothing is going on. They yell things at me, sometimes. I can't even take a shower! :p

[arghmatey]

DF and I shower with our 4 month old--that's how we bathe her...still not a crime. It's a reasonable question, though. Ya just never know!

[Paige]

OK I don't feel so weird now lol! I was talking about something and the subject went there and let's call her Suzy had a flip out about how terrible and disgusting that would be among some other words! I don't see a problem with it but wanted to check first lol!

 

 

As a preteen, I would have been icked out to know my parents were having a bath together. As an adult, I think it is ok and healthy for adult parents to ick their kids out sometimes. Is Suzy 12?

[LucyStoner]

I was under the impression that one of the reasons people got married in the first place was to have someone to wash their back for them. Without that perk, what is marriage?!

 

Showers are also an easy way for us to conceal the noise of a morning rendezvous.

 

Neither of us showers alone often.

[LucyStoner]

We have not had a tub big enough for the two of us since we were in college and rented a ramshackle house with an old claw foot tub. With our next move I hope to rectify this tragedy.

[Nicole M]

I'm just trying to picture a bathtub large enough to accommodate two adults. Mine... no. I'm tall and can hardly fit in mine alone.

[MomtoCandJ]

Dh and have bathed together as well. We barely fit in our current tub (mobile home size) but in GA we had a garden tub that fit us both with room to spare. I will add though that dh and I are both under 5'4 :)