sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 OK, this keeps coming up and I've started to post this many times, but haven't until now. It seems people feel comfortable calling me: "sweetheart", "honey", "dear", and the list goes on. Sure I'm 5'2" and look younger than my years, but it seems condescending to me. Or, maybe I'm just too sensitive. I was standing next to 2 other Moms in our academy yesterday. They are 5'8" maybe taller. They were talking to each other and I jokingly said, "I feel left out" (referring to conversation/my height - which they got) and we laughed, but on the inside I wasn't laughing. How do you handle this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Aw. Well, I was a waitress back when I was all of 21 years old. I frequently called customers 'hon'. Mainly elderly people, and sometimes (though I'm ashamed to admit it now), men. You know, men who were there by themselves or only with other men. Like flirting. (I *said* I'm not proud of it, LOL.) No, it doesn't bother me if people call me hon, honey, dear, sweetheart, etc. Well, that's not exactly true. If it was a man and he wasn't at least 20 years older than me, it would make me uncomfortable, because I'm not at all comfortable with feeling flirted with. Other than that, doesn't bother me at all. I could be WAY off, so just ignore me if so. But I really don't think it has anything to do with your height. I'm 5'4", so not particularly tall myself, and I've never even considered my height in those situations. Are you perhaps just a bit sensitive about your height in general, so it's being filtered through that lens, so to speak? Just a thought. FWIW, I'm more irritated when someone calls me 'ma'am' instead of 'miss' now. I'm 35 now, and apparently crossing over from always looking like a 'miss' to sometimes looking like a 'ma'am'. I'm not at all happy about that, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I say it to many people and it doesn't matter if they are younger or older to me. Depending upon the conversation they will either receive one of those affectionate terms or they will receive a more formal "miss" or "ma'am". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 It never occurred to me that it might have something to do with someone's height or looking younger - I just figure people who call me those things do that with everyone (IOW, it's what they do - it has nothing to do with me). I don't care for it, but it doesn't cause more than just a slight hint of irritation for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 A girl at work calls me hon. It drives me crazy and I've asked her not to do that. She's well aware of my name, and it's so condescending the way she says it- she'll say something obnoxious and then tack 'hon' on the end like that will make it better. I've never been bothered by this kind of thing before- so it may be situational. The ma'am thing is a sign of respect, so that never bothered me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't mind it if it's an older lady, but I don't let men or peers do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 In my experience, "hon" "sweetie" etc. often come off as condescending between people who know each other yet aren't in a "honey/sweetie" relationship. Does that make sense? Like it doesn't bother me if a waitress says "hon", she doesn't know my name. It doesn't bother me if dh says "Honey can you bring me the flashlight?" However, it does bother me if a peer or worse a child/teen says "Oh honey" as an expression of "tsk, tsk" or "let me tell you how it is". Context really matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't actively hope that people call me those, but it never bothers me when they do. It's just how some people pepper their speech. You know, like some women call other women "chica" or "girlfriend" (which I could never do, I do not have near enough sass to make it sound anything but silly)? I'm sure it can be condescending, but I usually assume the opposite - just an extra friendly person :). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 It doesn't bother me. In fact, I think it's kind of endearing - friendliness is hard to come by these days, and that's how I take it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Dh calls everyone sweetheart or sweetie. Even men. I don't even think he realizes he is doing it most the time. It has nothing to do with their stature or him being condescending. It is just his quirk, lol. Particularly handy when you have trouble recalling names. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy58103 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I work with two women that are constantly using these terms and it drives me bananas!!! It just seams so silly and unprofessional. But, I know that they are using them as terms of affection so I don't ever say anything. The only exception is if I'm out on a construction site. If anyone calls me "sweetie" etc., I immediately ask them not to call me that. If they do it again, I find their foreman and lodge a complaint. Those terms really do undermine one's authority. If I'm out-and-about, running errands, etc and some random person uses a similar term, it usually doesn't really bother me. I don't like it, but its not worth getting annoyed over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Doesn't bother me in the least. I am in the South,though . Maybe that's why-I am used to it. :) I also figure if the worst things someone calls me is honey or sweetie, I am fortunate.LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 There is enough southerner in me that I will call just about anyone Sweetie or Hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 It doesn't bother me. In fact, I think it's kind of endearing - friendliness is hard to come by these days, and that's how I take it. Basically, same thing here. If it's a guy who's invading my space and being a letch, whole different ball of wax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Aside from the unwanted endearment thing, in your OP there is something I don't understand: Why would you feel left out when talking to people of a different height? Were they ignoring you and literally talking over your head or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Well, there! I'm in the minority. I get this quite a bit. One of my friends is AA. She was one of the 2. She calls me "girl" and it doesn't bother me, but call me honey, etc. it seems a "one up". I'm over 50 and I can't imagine using these names to anyone my senior. Me calling my 70+ year old cousin honey? Nah!!! Maybe in today's society........I WANT TO SCREAM! I WILL SCREAM INTO A PILLOW LATER! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshin Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I find it condescending when it's from females near my age or younger in most instances. I was raised in the south by a feminist southern mom, though, and she taught us not to do it because according to her "it is usually used to be catty." I know some people do it out of habit and that doesn't bother me as much, but you can usually tell whom is doing it to be condescending. Often it strikes me much the same as "Oh, bless your heart!" Sure, some people say that out of kindness, but most use it as a veiled insult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I didn't like until we moved to the south and dh started calling the waitresses hon and sweetie. He'd been in the south for several more months than us, I about smacked him when I first heard it. Now it doesn't bother me, although I don't use it much since we're back in the midwest. It depends on tone for me. I had one really bad experience where a waitress (not in the south) called me hon and proceeded to pat me on the back because I was upset that my order was messed up. Dh about had to pin me to the chair. Aside from that I try to gauge context. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 It's a 'thing,' but it's not a height thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't recall a time when I've ever been offended in that manner. Which means if anyone ever uses those terms with me, it's at a time when I feel kinda wimpy (in a medical situation or something). Then it doesn't bother me. My male boss called me "hon" once, but it was probably a slip of the tongue. I think I reminded him of his daughter or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I find myself calling everybody "Buddy" accidentally because it's what I call my kids 11,234,445 times a day, then I try to cover it up by stammering. I am turning into my mom, who generally calls me my sister's name and vice versa, then tries to make it seem intentional. I like "Hon" when I'm in Baltimore. I hate "Ma'am" from teens, even though I know they're trying to be polite it makes me feel old and crusty. I'm short, and I've always thought it was that, too, when I get "sweetheart"ed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Yes, I'm from the mid-west, originally. DH and I moved south over 20 years ago. This is not women to men or men-men (?), or men to women, BUT ONLY women to women. My aunt, when she was living, couldn't stand it. Some 30 year old was calling her honey, etc then and it got on her nerves. It just seems different to me. I still don't like it, but as many have said it needs to be taken in context. That does make sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jar7709 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 As a short person I often feel strange around women who are a lot taller. I don't know why. I don't feel left out, but I notice it. Me, too. I am short even for short though. It's just a little bit of awkwardness to be at chest height all the time. I've had tall people comment that my shortness makes them uncomfortable, too, that they feel like giraffes and such. So I usually try to find an excuse for all of us to sit down while we're talking. ;) Random strangers almost never call me 'hon' or 'sweetie', though. I think it's regional. If it was purely because of height I'm sure I'd get it more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Often it strikes me much the same as "Oh, bless your heart!" Sure, some people say that out of kindness, but most use it as a veiled insult. I'm always in awe of those who can pull off a good "Bless your heart". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Round here "my Love" or "my lover" is frequently tacked on to the end of any sentence. That and "see you later" instead of bye from people you don't even know.. It used to drive me mad but I either don't notice it any more or it's dying out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I definitely do not believe it's a height thing. In fact, most people that are shorter, I find to be more intimidating and will be more likely to get a "ma'am" from me. Taller people seem to be more self conscious of their height and want to blend into the background (not meant to broadbrush, as I know it does not apply to everyone, but simply the majority of my experience with a few exceptions thrown in). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Round here "my Love" or "my lover" is frequently tacked on to the end of any sentence. That and "see you later" instead of bye from people you don't even know.. It used to drive me mad but I either don't notice it any more or it's dying out. thanks for making me smile on this one. i use "my love" to family - dh and dd only, but not to friends. and, never "my lover" - really? i know now what to call my Brit friend...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Doesn't bother me in the least. I will usually greet my other women friends with a "Hi, cute girl!" or "Hey, gorgeous!" And I always say that or some other term of endearment when I speak to my "young women"....girls in my church from 12-18...I'm their YW president. They always give me a big smile and a hug. I've never known it to bother anyone, and I'm happy for other women to address me like that. It's a term of affection. I would draw the line at speaking to other men (not in my family) in that way. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I'm height challenged myself (5'2" is tall to me), and it's never crossed my mind that calling someone hon or sweetheart had the least thing to do with height. There's only one instances where it thoroughly ticks me off -- And that's when younger people refer to my 79-yo mom or 77-yo MIL as hon, sweetheart, dear, etc. It strikes me as disrespectful and condescending in that instance. Whatever happened to "ma'am" and having respect for ones elders? We're in the south for goodness sake! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 It's a 'thing,' but it's not a height thing. :iagree: I think mostly it is a southern thing. I've heard it more and used it more as closer to an endearment than and expletive. And thinking about it I use it freely - man, woman and child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I live in the South, it happens a lot and doesn't bother me a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Usually it bothers me. Once a clerk ticked me off so much, she got a lecture. An English woman who calls everyone "luv", is okay. I also get annoyed/ticked when clerks use my first name. Eta context does matter. Friends doesn't bother me much. Clerks in a store . . .absolutely not allowed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I figure it must be a regional thing. No one here does that, but I know everyone does it in the South. If someone starting using that to me and didn't have a Southern accent, that might weird me out (but if they did have an accent, I'd figure that it was just their speech pattern). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I definitely do not believe it's a height thing. In fact, most people that are shorter, I find to be more intimidating and will be more likely to get a "ma'am" from me. Taller people seem to be more self conscious of their height and want to blend into the background (not meant to broadbrush, as I know it does not apply to everyone, but simply the majority of my experience with a few exceptions thrown in). Yeah, I'm 5'3", and my family says I'm intimidating. :glare: Few people call me "honey" etc. If they do, I give the The Look, and possibly use The Voice with them. Hmmm, I think I just figured out why my family says people think I'm scary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I'm always in awe of those who can pull off a good "Bless your heart". Oh, hon. It's all in the delivery. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I figure it must be a regional thing. No one here does that, but I know everyone does it in the South. If someone starting using that to me and didn't have a Southern accent, that might weird me out (but if they did have an accent, I'd figure that it was just their speech pattern). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 As a Yankee, I've always viewed these forms of address as a Southern habit, not something I've run into on a regular basis. If it's coming from a woman with a Southern accent who is at least 15 years my elder, I actually find it charming. Otherwise, it would just be unexpected and awkward. If said in a condescending tone, or coming from a man (particularly a used car salesman!), I would take offense. I do not, BTW, take offense to being called ma'am. As soon as I was married at 18 I felt it was appropriate to be addressed as such. Miss is for maidens, therefore it does annoy me when I have been called "miss" with kids in tow! I don't blame the person, I know it's the new trend to not offend women by making them feel old. Personally I take more offense at not being offered the respectful term of address for a married woman and mother. Oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 DOesn't bother me. If it did, I would be bothered a lot. Lots of people say things like that here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jar7709 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Well ok, but I have to ask, what is "short even for short". LOL ; ) Lol! When I say I am 4'11", I am including my shoes. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Absolutely not a problem for me. Some people in Scotland call women 'Hen'. It's a term of endearment. In my home town in southern England, calling strangers, 'My lover' is completely normal. If it's kindly meant, it's fine with me, and I like to assume that it is kindly meant. I'm 5'4", so not particularly wee (small). Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Oh, OK, that means I can call all of you honey and sweetheart! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't ever like other women calling me dear (or, AGH, "dearheart") or sweetie or honey or doll or any of those things. I really don't like it. But I just cringe visibly and don't say anything. I'd cringe inwardly if I could. LOL I know that they don't mean anything by it but it seems so condescending to me. Not sure why, but there it is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 thanks for making me smile on this one. i use "my love" to family - dh and dd only, but not to friends. and, never "my lover" - really? i know now what to call my Brit friend...... 'My lover' is regional. I suspect that your Brit friend would not recognise the context without the right accent. I couldn't get away with 'Hen', as used as an endearment in Scotland, because I don't have the right accent. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I'm height challenged myself (5'2" is tall to me), and it's never crossed my mind that calling someone hon or sweetheart had the least thing to do with height. I don't think it does have anything to do with height. I get it all the time and I'm 5'10". It's just the normal form of address from supermarket checkers, receptionists and servers here. It struck me as odd at first, but you get used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 thanks for making me smile on this one. i use "my love" to family - dh and dd only, but not to friends. and, never "my lover" - really? i know now what to call my Brit friend...... I think its a westcountry thing though so they may look at you strangely if they are from farther north. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 OK, this keeps coming up and I've started to post this many times, but haven't until now. It seems people feel comfortable calling me: "sweetheart", "honey", "dear", and the list goes on. Sure I'm 5'2" and look younger than my years, but it seems condescending to me. I live in the south, it goes with the territory. But for me it's always been women. I don't know what I'd do if it was a man. BTW, I'm 5'6". I had a similar conversation with my dd the other day. The one who is 18. She's at that age where she doesn't know what to call adults. I told her we are in the south so she is never wrong to call someone Miss "first name". If she's not comfortable with that, then Mrs. "last name" until invited to call her "first name". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 'My lover' is regional. I suspect that your Brit friend would not recognise the context without the right accent. I couldn't get away with 'Hen', as used as an endearment in Scotland, because I don't have the right accent. Laura She's from Manchester. I'll still let her know I had this conversation to see what she says - after I call her Luv!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 I think its a westcountry thing though so they may look at you strangely if they are from farther north. Yes, this is what Laura was saying too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 She's from Manchester. I'll still let her know I had this conversation to see what she says - after I call her Luv!! :) I think the equivalent in Manchester is 'Ducks', but I might be wrong. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't really care either way. I am average height and certainly do not look young, so I don't think that has anything to do with it. Some people just call people hon or whatever to have something to call them. It is better than hey you lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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