80 year old FIL might remarry, I am worried about will

[suppleasthewind]

I feel ashamed to write this, so flame away. My 80 FIL has quite a bit of money that he is leaving to be divided among his children. Because of this, I have never felt the need to worry about college costs or other big costs for my kids. Even though he was the primary breadwinner, my MIL saved and invested a great deal of money.

 

She passed away 6 years ago. Now FIL is in contact with and maybe dating a woman (age 65) dh and I know that he had an affair with 30 years ago, while MIL was busy raising kids. This woman seems very nice, but I feel uncomfortable around her because of loyalty to MIL. For a few months now, this woman keeps saying how she wants to retire but can't afford it. Recently she asked FIL to marry her so she could take care of him and then when he dies she can collect his social security. She mentioned that she would arrange for a prenup. I don't trust her.

 

I feel ashamed of myself. i worry constantly about everything in life, but knowing that money would be available for me boys gave me some security.

 

FIL is asking dh and one other sibling how they feel about it. He told this woman he has to consider how his children feel about the whole thing.

 

Can others tell me how they would feel in this situation? Even if you think I should mind my own business.

[Mommyof4ks]

I think if she makes FIL happy, then they should get married even though I would have serious issues about it given his past with her. As far as the prenup, I would have dh go with him to see a lawyer and get that written up, and he needs to get his will updated to include her and spell out exactly what she is to get when the time comes. We have BTDT with a family member, and in the end it was bitter feelings toward a situation that made it hard. Maybe he would put the kids' college money in a trust for them? There would be no way she could touch it then for sure.

[Parrothead]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

[Tammyla]

:iagree: You just never know what the future will hold.

 

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

[Jeannie in NJ]

sorry but it is fil's money to do with as he wants. If he wants to set up trust funds for your childrens' college that would be great, but he is not obligated to do that. You should not be planning on absolutly getting that money,, you need to start making plans yourself for your childrens college expenses.

[Cassy]

No flaming :001_smile:. My mother always told me to "never count your chickens until they've hatched". I've taken that view very much to heart and never rely on anything financial necessarily turning out the way I hope/plan. DH and I are both next of kin to wealthy relatives. Some of these relatives use this fact to try to manipulate us. I'm a very independent person and loathe being manipulated, so I take the view that their money belongs to them to do with as they see fit, regardless of anything I do or don't do. If it comes our way eventually, then that might be very nice; if it doesn't, I've never relied on it, never planned on needing it.

[Kathryn]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

 

While I understand your frustration, I agree with this.

[Murphy101]

I don't think you should count on money that isn't yours.

I wouldn't trust her either and would expect dh to tell his father that he was not fond of making her a part of the family.

 

Aside from a prenup, maybe it is time to ask fil to create a will and maybe go ahead and create trusts for the grandkids if he is so inclined.

 

Personally, I think it better when people don't wait until death/their will to do what they wanted. Do it while live and there is no dispute over what they wanted to be done bc they are right there making it happen.

[hana]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

 

This, except that I don't think parents NEED to pay for their children's college, unless they desire to.

 

One possibility, depending on your dh's relationship with his father, would be to ask him to set up and fun education savings for the children before the marriage.

[Remudamom]

My brother had our mother sign a pre nup. She's married an ass. Anyhow, the money she leaves behind will be very important to both of my sisters, and I want some of of mom's things because I love her.

 

My grandfather remarried, then divorced and the ex took everything, even pictures of the children just out of spite. My mom has only a couple of things that were her mother's.

[Susann]

:iagree:

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

[SKL]

I tend to agree that the focus should be on FIL's happiness. If you are certain that FIL wants and intends to put aside money for the grandkids' education, have dh talk to him about getting that done sooner rather than later, so it doesn't have to go through probate.

 

I am certain that if you make this difficult over money, it will only leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth.

[blakereese]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

 

:iagree:

 

If your DH is close with his father, maybe he can speak with him about protecting his assets, etc. But I would never count on money from him. Yes, it will be great if it does happen, but you should have another plan as well. Who knows if he actually has a lot of money? Or what it will cost if he needs to move to an assisted living facility at some point? Etc...kwim?

[kubiac]

Yep. I've found great peace in believing that there are no such things as inheritances. If someday someone dies and a lawyer calls to say you've got something coming to you, well then hooray for windfalls, but until that day, just leave it out of your financial planning entirely.

Edited October 9, 2012 by kubiac

[suppleasthewind]

Thank you for helping me put this more in perspective. I never counted on that money until a few years ago and I'm shocked at how I feel about this. I feel like one of those tacky villains in a soap opera fighting over family fortunes.

[Parrothead]

Well I agree on the part about the expenses not being the grandfather's, but not every parent can save for college. One shouldn't think college is impossible just because of that though. My parents had no money. I went to college. Yes, I'm still paying for it, but I did it despite not having money to start with.

I don't disagree with you. But if the OP wants money saved for college that onus should be on her and her dh. Not FIL.

[Cassy]

Thank you for helping me put this more in perspective. I never counted on that money until a few years ago and I'm shocked at how I feel about this. I feel like one of those tacky villains in a soap opera fighting over family fortunes.

 

:lol:

 

Yes, it's astounding how money can affect you if you let it.

 

Years ago we had a lovely, kind, generous family friend who literally made herself ill fretting over an inheritance. She died in her late 40s of breast cancer, many years before the MIL whose fortune tormented her so.

[Unicorn.]

They should both get a pre-nup. She probably has family that feels the same way. If you approach both of them w/ the idea that this is best for both of them, it won't be as harsh/selfish as just asking fil to get one.

[Starr]

She asked to get married for the social security? Then again she may be very nice and a good companion. If she's around I would be nice to her. I don't think being nice speaks ill of your mil. I agree with making trusts for the kids now would solve the inheritance problem. Of course he needs money to live on and could need extensive care, you never know. If they stay married and she is actively involved in his life she's entitled to some inheritance. These things are very hard. I guess that's why it all used to go to the first born son.

Edited October 9, 2012 by Starr

[SitLongTalkMuch]

Thank you for helping me put this more in perspective. I never counted on that money until a few years ago and I'm shocked at how I feel about this. I feel like one of those tacky villains in a soap opera fighting over family fortunes.

 

Don't feel bad. I know where you are coming from. My dh's grandmother left her farm to dh & his 3 siblings. Dh's father was living in the home at the time of her death. He asked his 4 children to sign the home over to him so that the property taxes wouldn't be as much (he was over 65). He promised to have a will drawn up immediately leaving the home (and land) back to dh & his siblings. My husband & one brother didn't want to do it because grandma left it to the grandkids for a good reason (fil was an alcoholic). Two siblings made life miserable until we agreed.

 

Long story short he didn't have the will drawn up. He left everything to a drug addicted grandchild who was living with him (and off him) at the time. Dh & his siblings lost a working farm (that we worked).

[butterflymommy]

If your DH is having similar feelings, I would have him plainly state them to his dad... that while you're not circling like vultures you had assumed there would be some money for the kids' college, and at the very least you would like to know if this will be dealt with in the prenup.

 

Also... if he is 80 he could have a good 20 yrs left. Depending on the age of your kids he may not have passed away yet to leave that money by the time they are college age. One of my grandparents lived to 103 and was sharp as a tack until a couple days before she died.

 

And if he has that much money, you would think this would be on his mind anyway.

 

I don't think you should be afraid to bring this up in a tactful way. One of my grandparents passed away and should have had enough money to leave a sizable college fund to each grandchild. But we discovered too late the money had been siphoned off before her passing by someone else. We never counted on the money and there are minimal hard feelings about it, but it would probably have been better to discuss this in some tactful manner beforehand.

 

My sister is waiting on a big windfall from her in laws... this is not a way I would want to live, "counting" on someone's death to improve your position in life. I'd rather be poor. It's a personal choice though-- her view is that she will likely care for them in their old age and the money will be her payment-- but things aren't working out as she'd planned, there's no guarantee of an inheritance, and it's caused her decades of stress. (She is tied up with her ILs in other ways financially as well.)

 

One thing my DH has always been adamant about is that we remain independent and self sufficient financially. No financial gifts from relatives, no waiting on inheritances, no hoping for college help, because it's just not worth the stress and drama.

[Impish]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

:iagree:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

 

:iagree:

[kroe1]

As difficult as it may be for you to hear, FIL has no responsibility to take care of his grandchildren. That is your job.

 

 

That sounds so cold, but step families go through this all the time. The children born of the first wife are repeatedly left out of the father's earnings who get left to the second wife.

 

It's just the way it is.

 

:grouphug:

[Mom-ninja.]

I agree with everyone else. It's not your money.

[brehon]

And, depending on the state's inheritance laws in the state your FIL lives in, it may be that even having a pre-nup (should your FIL decide to marry & have one) would not protect his assets if he decided he wanted his money to go solely to his kids & grand kids. Some states have clauses such as the omitted spouse clause. This type of clause basically states that if a spouse is not mentioned in a will the surviving spouse is *automatically* entitled to one-half of the estate. (The ratio may be different in different states. In AL it's 1/2.) This is (or can be, again depending on the state) regardless of any prior will or other instrument which might exist.

 

OP, I agree with everyone else that you should never count on money that isn't yours when making financial plans. I might suggest to dh that he encourage his dad to consult an estate attorney to make sure his will and any trusts are set up to his (FIL's) satisfaction. I would do this especially if FIL decides to remarry.

[Outinthegarden]

I agree with everyone else: You should plan for your children's future as best as you can and don't count on that money.

 

However - if your FIL has said that he wants to help the children with college, I would have your DH mention that if he still wants to do that, they should go and put X amount away in a trust for each grandchild. Otherwise, pre-nup or not, they could spend/go through all the money prior to your FIL ever dying and none of the grandchildren will see anything.

 

With that said - I agree, it should be about your FIL's happiness, BUT your DH should insist that his Father go to an attorney and get a will done. Especially if there are things - pictures, furniture, china, etc. that you would like to stay in your family.

 

My father passed away 7 years ago from terminal cancer. He did have a will, but he only specified the BIG things - cars, house, etc. He said, your "step-mom" knows who gets what pictures, etc. and will make sure that what I wanted done is done. Hahaha. After my father passed away, step-mom went from a nice lady to the wicked *itch of the west! She doled out only what was specified in the will and EVERYTHING else went to her only son - my step brother - who SOLD it ALL - and burned all photos from mine and my sisters child hood! They had only been married 8 years. Oh, and two weeks prior to my dad's death - she purchased a condo in Florida (put in step-brothers name), she purchased a brand new chevy camero convertable, an above ground monster swimming pool, a hottub, new wall to wall carpet for the house (to be installed after he died), new furniture for the house (to be delivered after he died), paid off mortgage on step-brothers house, bought a new motorcycle for step-brother, and three tickets for an Alaska cruise for step-brother, his girlfriend and herself. (She needed to get away to deal with the grief!!:crying: My father owned his own auto-shops and had for years. We also have no idea of what she did with all the insurance money she got - but we have heard from a mutal friend that they blew through it in about a year. Money does strange things to people.:D )

 

From my perspective, I could care less about the money - don't want it - never did - just wanted the pictures from my childhood and my dad's military trunk that had his military stuff (uniform, pictures, letters from my grandmother when he was in Vietnam) nothing that meant a hill of beans to my step brother. My dh and I have had our own business since 1996 so we are pretty self sufficient. But for my sisters, they were beside themselves - and they are very bitter and angry to this day.

 

Just trying to give you a heads up of where this could go. I would prepare myself NOW with the thought of I'm not getting anything, neither are my kids - unless your FIL puts that money aside now. (sorry if that sounds harsh - I don't mean it that way.;)

[Kim in Appalachia]

They should both get a pre-nup. She probably has family that feels the same way. If you approach both of them w/ the idea that this is best for both of them, it won't be as harsh/selfish as just asking fil to get one.

 

:iagree:

 

While I don't think you should count on the money from FIL, I do think that when someone is marring someone else for their money (which is what she says she wants) a pre-nup and a will are a good idea. You dh should be frank with his father, especially since the woman was so honest to admit she wants his money (in the form of his SS).

[suppleasthewind]

Another thing that really bothers me is that MIL saved and invested this money for her children's future, and the thought of it falling into the hands of a woman that had an affair with her husband bugs me to no end. It is hard enough to see this woman, even though she is being nice, once in a while, I dont want her to live two doors down from me (where FIL lives).

 

Outinthegarden, I do worry about photographs and all the beautiful things MIL made being tossed aside. I dont think you are being harsh at all, just realistic.

 

I know I am being selfish about the money. I wish I could get over this.

 

And yes, dh and FIL have had intense meetings with financial planners and I believe lawyers about the money. The meetings took place over the summer. This marriage idea popped up a few weeks ago.

[justLisa]

I hate to say it but I'd probably be ticked about the money too. For a while, then I'd have to get over it.

 

I mean I don't think anyone can say they would be happy to see a huge chunk of money they thought was for college go away.

 

Not that I think it's right to have dibs on someone's cash, but still it would kind of suck.

[Catherine]

I think it's best to consider any inheritance to be nice, but unplanned for, frosting on the cake. Assuming otherwise is going to color your interactions with the living person, and ruin your sense of security, because it won't come from yourself.

[ChristineW]

Are you sure that the money isn't already in trust for the grandkids? There are some VERY beneficial tax advantages to putting it in trust (especially this year). DH is an attorney that works with high net worth individuals and he is burning the candle at both ends to set up gift transactions before December 31. Your FIL could even "gift" a sizeable chunk to his lady friend rather than marry her if the marriage is more to ensure her financial security.

 

Just a thought.

 

Christine

[susancollins]

I understand your concern. I would suggest that he get an iron clad prenuptial agreement. In the two cases where my grandparents remarried it was disastrous.

My grandmother remarried after my grandfather had been dead for 5 years. She was married for 7 years and her dementia got to a point where she didn't even know who she was. Her husband liquidated three homes and three apartments they were rental properties. He gave $90,000 in less than 6 months to his children. He went through even more. He said he sold some of the rental homes for cash for $1000 they had more than that coming in with rent in a 2 month period ( we knew it didn't make sense). We went to court because he left her with less than 20,000 in the bank. She didn't even have money to properly care for herself. I became her guardian it was a nightmare. . The state of NC did nothing. They wouldn't file charges because they were married and it was joint property. He even got the oil out of the tank and they sent the check to them this was in the fall right before it was getting cold. He should protect himself and his assets he could very well need expensive care in the future.

[LMA]

While it is kind of him to consider his children, it is ultimately his decision to remarry. What he does with his money is his own business. While MIL invested the money, it is now his. I would never consider someone else's money for college money unless it is given right to me.

[SonshineLearner]

I take a bit of a different spin on this... the $$$ was the Father's and the Mother's money. I would just ask if he was still talking about leaving some of the $$$ to the grandchildren as Mom had planned. :) Who can argue with Mom? :) As someone who's Grandfather married a person a few months after my Grandma's death (before I was ever born) I KNOW that my Grandma would have been sad to know about my Grandpa's choices after she died. She had been faithful to her family for all those years and he basically married his new wife and her family and left all of us to dust :( Very sad way to leave your family :(

I totally believe that if my dad remarries, he will take his past experience and feelings into account. He won't have more children, although I suppose he could have step-children, and will put up a prenuptial so that he will leave his grandchildren some of his "estate" should there be any left.

We don't count on the $$$ but I would be surprised if it would all pass over to a "younger wife" type of situation.

I don't think that I would feel uncomfortable asking about it. I totally support him being happy with a continuing healthy life and a new wife if that's what he wants. He's generous and he's said he'll ask us how we feel when the situation comes up, should he want to remarry.

$$$ clouds issues and I think it needs to be take care of and then you think about the people involved.

[Lolly]

I completely understand. Even when you are trying not to think of the money as yours, when you are regularly told that it is not thinking of it that way becomes impossible. I've been there. Hopefully, fil has put $ in trusts for the children or grandchildren. I think you would know if he had though.

[justamouse]

nebbermind

[Outinthegarden]

If you are concerned about photos, etc. one thing you may want to do (Ladies - please don't flame me on this :D ) is go to your FIL and say, hey, if you want to get married - great, and if you do - would you have a problem if we asked for XXXX while you were still alive instead of waiting until you were gone and possibly not getting it at all?

 

I have an Aunt who never married or had children (she is my dad's youngest sister) and is now fighting a very aggressive breast cancer and most likely will not survive. I am the beneficary and executor of her estate and have been for years. I am encouraging her to GIVE whatever she wants to whatever neice's, nephew's, great neices and nephews NOW before she passes away. I'm not encouraging giving everything away, but I mean stuff that she doens't use and stuff she has hung onto that was her parents (my grandparents) - china, nicknacks, photo's, pieces of my grandmothers jewelry - stuff that she has every intention of giving away after she is gone.

 

If your FIL says no - and does get married, maybe you could go to the new MIL and say "If there is ever anything of my MIL's that you no longer wish to have in the house, please call me prior to throwing it out, donating it, or giving it to someone else. The grandchildren may like to have it." I'm just thinking out loud, I'm sure you would say it with much more tact!:lol:

 

P.S. please forgive my spelling - not my strongest suit!:D

[TranquilMind]

Sorry, I don't think you should count on money you don't have. Even if it isn't a case of a gold-digger arriving on the scene you never know what kind of medical costs will come up once one is elderly.

 

You need to start saving for your kids college. Those expenses are yours and your children's not their grandfather's.

 

Exactly this. This is not your money and you can't count on it. If your FIL dies leaving ANY money, you should be grateful because that means his medical costs were not catastrophic. If there is money, be happy, but don't be expectant.

[LMA]

Exactly this. This is not your money and you can't count on it. If your FIL dies leaving ANY money, you should be grateful because that means his medical costs were not catastrophic. If there is money, be happy, but don't be expectant.

 

Also, to add to this, there is the 5-year rule for Medicaid and nursing homes. If you give any money away within the 5 years you draw on Medicaid for the nursing home, the money can be collected by Medicaid. So even if he has the money, it could go toward his medical care.

[suppleasthewind]

I feel so much better reading through all the thoughts on this. I will show this to dh when he gets home and discuss everything with him. If there are any more opinions here, i will be checking this post through the day. Thanks so much.:001_smile:

[cin]

I don't disagree with you. But if the OP wants money saved for college that onus should be on her and her dh. Not FIL.

 

I agree to an extent. I don't remember reading though, is DH an only child? We didn't save for college because DH is an only child and we knew that it would be covered. His parents were VERY comfortable. Not RICH, but comfortable, and the trust does ensure that the girls will be able to go to a nice local school.

 

And I do think we shouldn't count our chickens before they hatch, but in our situation, with DH as an only, we were somewhat counting.

 

I would have DH suggest FIL check with a financial advisor/family attorney to make sure the family assets are protected. If he words it the right way, so as not to sound greedy, FIL might understand and do it.

[Alice]

I agree with most of the posters.

 

However, the OP said that the FIL has asked his children how they felt. I think in that scenario it would be appropriate to have a discussion with him about protecting assets for all his children/grandchildren. It’s up to FIL how and if he does that but if he’s opened the door to the conversation that’s different than calling and giving him an unsolicited opinion.

[LucyStoner]

I agree with most of the posters.

 

However, the OP said that the FIL has asked his children how they felt. I think in that scenario it would be appropriate to have a discussion with him about protecting assets for all his children/grandchildren. It’s up to FIL how and if he does that but if he’s opened the door to the conversation that’s different than calling and giving him an unsolicited opinion.

 

:iagree:

[hana]

Another thing that really bothers me is that MIL saved and invested this money for her children's future, and the thought of it falling into the hands of a woman that had an affair with her husband bugs me to no end.QUOTE]

 

I understand. I had a dear friend go through this. And still, it's now his money and his choice. I can imagine this to be quite frustrating.

[gardenmom5]

I've been through this with siblings. including one who debased herself because she thought she'd get a huge payout from the old relative (who complained until the day "she" died that her father didn't leave her anything.) (uhm, no. sorry. sibling was warned.)

 

the money is his - and his to do with as he pleases. If he has "quite a bit' that he desires to leave to his children/grandchildren that is his generosity to decide. No matter what, if it's "that much", it should be in a well designed and managed trust - not 'just' a will. A trust can have stipulation for an allowance/living situation for the 'new' wife until her death, and how the estate would be handled after his decease. I would also suggest there is a stipulation for him to grandchildren that any money is to be used for college education (or other approved activity.) not just to be blown.

[SunnyDays]

I agree that you can't count on money you don't have... although truth be told, I completely understand why you feel that way. What I would be just as concerned about though, isn't the money, but the other things... family heirlooms, pictures, sentimental objects, etc. I mean, you don't want FIL to die one day, you go to the house to say, "Where is Great Grandma's China Cabinet? It was always promised to us," and have new MIL say that she sold it in an estate sale.

[Susan in TN]

I feel ashamed to write this, so flame away. My 80 FIL has quite a bit of money that he is leaving to be divided among his children. Because of this, I have never felt the need to worry about college costs or other big costs for my kids. Even though he was the primary breadwinner, my MIL saved and invested a great deal of money.

 

She passed away 6 years ago. Now FIL is in contact with and maybe dating a woman (age 65) dh and I know that he had an affair with 30 years ago, while MIL was busy raising kids. This woman seems very nice, but I feel uncomfortable around her because of loyalty to MIL. For a few months now, this woman keeps saying how she wants to retire but can't afford it. Recently she asked FIL to marry her so she could take care of him and then when he dies she can collect his social security. She mentioned that she would arrange for a prenup. I don't trust her.

 

I feel ashamed of myself. i worry constantly about everything in life, but knowing that money would be available for me boys gave me some security.

 

FIL is asking dh and one other sibling how they feel about it. He told this woman he has to consider how his children feel about the whole thing.

 

Can others tell me how they would feel in this situation? Even if you think I should mind my own business.

 

I think that, while as others have mentioned "don't count the chickens", I would feel a little apprehensive. Generally, you just expect things to stay in the family, especially if it's typical for the family, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's nice that FIL has been asking, and it would be wise to make sure his wishes are put down in his prenup and will to help avoid future headache for everyone. Once that is done, I wonder if FIL should let someone know so that there aren't any surprises? I don't know if that's wise or not...

 

Dh's family went through a "surprise" situation like this. MIL's "heirless" aunt died and left her entire fortune to a church with specific instructions as to how the church must use the money. Which, unfortunately, is impossible for the church to do. She had indicated toward the end of her life that she wanted to change her will, but it appears that her attorney advised her against it. MIL and FIL had unfortunately counted the chickens; not without reason, but still...

[momacacia]

Two words---Irrevocable Trusts.

Two more words---Lifetime Gifts.

 

Just sayin'. ;)

[Beetkvass]

My brother had our mother sign a pre nup. She's married an ass. Anyhow, the money she leaves behind will be very important to both of my sisters, and I want some of of mom's things because I love her.

 

My grandfather remarried, then divorced and the ex took everything, even pictures of the children just out of spite. My mom has only a couple of things that were her mother's.

 

Yes, this. My grandfather remarried a horrible woman. My mother didn't want any money she just wanted sentimental things because her stepmother took everything that had been her mothers. In the end she didn't let her have anything, not a picture, not an old hat nothing including the things her father left her in the will. Her step mother claimed they were stolen out of the garage.