For what it's worth: I live in 15 wooded acres - leaves everywhere in the fall - as in my kids use the stihl gas powered blower almost everyday - kind of leaves. :lol: When we moved into this house about 7 years ago I wanted to put a dry creek bed in where the water always ran when we got alot of rain. My husband let me go with my idea. Those who say leaves are hard to get out of rock are correct! It was pretty the first couple of years, but now the leaves have turned the rocks brown and dull. Not to mention you can never get all the leaves out unless you use your hands... Last year I pressure washed the river rock - so it looks like new again, but I don't know that I will ever do that again. :banghead: My DH thought I had lost my mind when he came home! Although it looks great again. I would do the mulch. If you have access to cardboard boxes - it helps if you put those down first, with no gaps, then wet them and then put your mulch on top. It will help your soil, really keeps the weeds at bay and it will extend the life of your mulch so you don't have to reapply so soon.

I have a green house and use it all but June, July and August (way too hot in there) :laugh: . I use mine to grow lettuce and a few other things in the fall/winter, I put my Sago palms in it over the winter and my husband over winters Tilapia (for the pond) in it. Come spring I use it to start plants, mostly of the flower type. I am going to take a stab at a "real" garden this year so next spring I may try my hand at vegetable starters. I "bubbled wrapped" my green house - basically a pool solar cover on my green house with the door area cut out. It has allowed me to garden very well threw the winter. I am zone 6 (TN), so my winters aren't like up north, but when it's 30 degrees outside, it's 70 - 85 degrees in the green house. If you are interested, I can take a picture of it and try to post. I'm not an expert veggie gardener, but I'm an avid flower gardener.

I made home made cinnamon rolls one day - when my dh came home my son met him at the door and replied, oh daddy, you have to try mommies cement rolls - they are delicious! Still haven't lived that one down.:lol: Another one: visiting family back home (pittsburgh) out to eat with my cousins and one of them asks me "so, do you still like the steelers?" My 6 year old dd gasps and says in serious voice: "WHAT! stealers?? MY mommy would NEVER steal anything!!" Football season has a new meaning for us now.:D

TammyS - I actually picture the scene from the wizard of oz where the ____ is standing over the big pot stirring it. Except in this case it is a white haired lady hunched over holding the phone in her hand getting ready to dial my phone number and using a Vincent Price voice saying Muhhhhaaaawhaaaaaaaw! :lol::lol::lol: I'm really not mean - I'm just trying to find some humor in a not humorous situation. :D

Thank you ladies. I know I should not have taken the bait! She called again today - I didn't answer, looked at caller id and let the machine get it. "Oh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all the hurtful things I said to you. I was having a very tense and bad day." This is the first time an apology has come. Which really didn't sound like an apology, even my dh who called just to hear the voice mail said. I think she realizes she has crossed the line and I am NOT her daughter (door mat) Or her daughter may have very well called her and told her I said I would have nothing more to do with her and she would not ever see the great grandkids again. It seems like she likes to stir the pot so to speak on M-W-F when her husband is off at dialysis, where he won't hear what a mean spirited person she is! TammyS - thank you! That was priceless and I've put it on an index card and put it by my bathroom mirror!!:D My dh is having his grandfather here tomorrow to fish in our pond, this will most likely be our last warm weekend (we are in TN). GMIL will of course come a long. I have planned to take the kids to see a movie and then do our grocery/errands after instead of this afternoon. DH is fine with that. I have made up my mind - no holidays here at my house with them. Only other family that live here is dh's mother, and as far as I am concerned these are her parents and if she wants to have the holidays with them she can, but the children and I will not be in attendance. Now I just have to find away to keep out the guilty feelings little voice in my head.:Angel_anim:

This is long - sorry! We have transitioned my husbands grandparents into an assisted living home a short distance from our house. (you can see my other post about that experience) Now here is the dilemma - his grandmother has been very mean and ugly to me. DH knows about it and does not condone it. She has insisted that she told us things that she never did. Example: that the grandfather had a kidney problem years before he almost died. We never knew either of their health issues, as they purposely kept them from us. We found out about the kidney failure from the phone call of "you need to come asap as your grandfather is in the hospital and we aren't sure he will make it!" I even went to dh and asked him and he said, "no, she NEVER told us that - ever" and when I have said that to her I am called a liar, and that I am projecting "vile hatred" at her. :confused: There are lots and lots of other things, and my dh and I believe that she has dementia/alzhemiers. We are trying not to go with the she just forgets and then is mean as a viper!:D We had an issue when the GPIL lived with us where my dd9 mentioned that she wasn't allowed to have pie because she was in trouble for sneaking dh's M&M's. This was mentioned innocently from my dd (who is one of those talkers). Before we moved them, GMIL said to dd9 that she was a little sneaky girl and a thief! And then said to me "she is sneaky. you need to watch out for her - she is a thief. She even TOLD me she was sneaky." I spent a LOT of time consoling this child who was crying a river wanting to know why her granny (she is actually the kids great-grandmother) hates her and why would she say such a thing!! I was so mad - you could have picked me off the ceiling with a spatula!:mad: Fast forward to this week on Wednesday. Phone rings, I answer, GMIL "is dh there?" Nicely said from me: No, he is working, is there something I can help you with? (she knows this and has his cell phone #) GMIL in a very nasty tone: No, not at all - CLICK.:001_huh: I called her back: Very nicely I said to her, it would probably be best that when you need something you should call dh's cell phone number. (my dh has his own business and works a lot) She says: well, you told me never to call him again! Not so, I asked her repeated times, as did my DH that if she or GFIL needed to go somewhere that the shuttle wouldn't take them that they needed to call me. We asked her NOT to call him M-F from 8-6 and ask HIM to TAKE them places because he really needs to be at the office. The assisted living home they live at has a FREE shuttle that will take them anywhere, including Doctor's - the GMIL just refuses to use it!! We have lost 2 clients due to the time my dh has been out of the office since May taking care of his grandparents. So, I again explain to her that I never told her not to call him. We just asked her not to call during work hours and ask him to take them places. It was not a problem for her to call him. She then went into this tirade about how I am a liar, and I am an evil, vile, wicked person and I have a sick mind. I let her ramble on and then finally said, "Granny, I think that it would be best for you to not call the house again. you should only call dh's cell from now on." and I hung up. I was very angry, and very upset. I've been called a lot of things before but vile, evil and wicked have not been any of them.:001_huh: Then, my dh's mother calls me, who has been very kind since she's been here amazingly. She proceeds to tell me about how her mother has been ranting about us homeschooling. How she doesn't like it and that our children can't read (which is not true) and how they aren't even in a christian school..... I asked her how long that has been going on. She said for well over a year.:angry: I talked to dh about it and said that's it. I am done. She will not see me or the kids again. I will not have that - just not going to do that again! So, dh is okay with that, he understands and is in agreement about not putting the kids in a place where mean things can be said, as once they are said there is no taking them back. Another thing the GMIL tries to do is pry/interrogate information out of the children that is really none of her business. When the children say, we aren't suppose to talk about it, she goes on with, "why can't you talk to me - I'm Granny?" :mad: But my MIL (these are her parents) is upset because I told her there would be no thanksgiving/Christmas at our house with them. DH will go to the assisted living to see them or if he brings them here, the children and I will leave during that time. She wants to know why I can't ignore her mother like she did growing up and all her life. Apparently my MIL has had this verbal treament all her life. What do I do? I am starting to feel bad, what if this is GrandfatherIL's last holidays? Would that be right to do? I'm not keeping my dh from his grandparents and he can see them whenever he likes. I just really don't even know if I can be in the same room with this women and not want to scream. Oh, things were sooo much easier when we didn't have any family living here and we only saw family twice a year.:banghead:

"They insisted, "Your kids will talk to us about things that they won't talk to you about. That's why we're here." My dh asked directly, "Did you put that idea in their heads? Did you tell them, 'We know that you're not comfortable talking to your parents. You can talk to us about things that you don't want to talk to your parents about.'?" They answered proudly, "Yes, that's what we tell them." Dh responded, "That's the most ridiculous, divisive thing I've ever heard. Why would you intentionally try to drive a wedge between my kids and me? Do you really think you are better equipped to offer them advice and guidance than their mother and their father?" " :iagree: First, I would be VERY worried that the Pastor just lied to me. That in itself would send my dh and our children out of the building like it was on FIRE! If it is no big deal to misrepresent (trying to be kind) about a meeting that had to do with children - wow, what else may he misrepresent without a passing thought. Second, we attend a church that has all the "groups" and the youth Pastor is the Pastor's son. And while we absolutely love our Pastor, his son sounds just like this. Outings that ONLY the teens can go to - they PREFER that the parents not "tag" along. The chaperon's that do go are all young (read - you can do that, we won't tell your parents or your parents are just old-fashioned, they just don't understand. :glare:) - encourages and pushes the boyfriend/girlfriend mentality from the pulpit in Jr. Church - it is mind boggling to us that such would go on in our church and our Pastor not say a word. (We are not against dating, per say, just not at 11, 12, 13, you get the idea :001_smile:) He has been there for about seven years now and you would be amazed at some of the not so good stories we hear from friends who let their children participate. Changes in attitudes towards parents, siblings, and anyone who is not a "teen" changes in appearance. (Including a young lady becoming pregnant - of course it was all her fault, she should have said no) There is way more to this than just locking the door to keep the parents out so they can gel. I'm sure you've guessed - our children don't participate. I agree with the OP about the youth group mentality, and would encourage you and your dh to pray about this as it could have serious life long ramifications for your children. If you would like more information on how we dealt with this feel free to PM me. I feel for you and I'm sure that this is most likely the beginning of a not so great experience.:grouphug:

If you are concerned about photos, etc. one thing you may want to do (Ladies - please don't flame me on this :D ) is go to your FIL and say, hey, if you want to get married - great, and if you do - would you have a problem if we asked for XXXX while you were still alive instead of waiting until you were gone and possibly not getting it at all? I have an Aunt who never married or had children (she is my dad's youngest sister) and is now fighting a very aggressive breast cancer and most likely will not survive. I am the beneficary and executor of her estate and have been for years. I am encouraging her to GIVE whatever she wants to whatever neice's, nephew's, great neices and nephews NOW before she passes away. I'm not encouraging giving everything away, but I mean stuff that she doens't use and stuff she has hung onto that was her parents (my grandparents) - china, nicknacks, photo's, pieces of my grandmothers jewelry - stuff that she has every intention of giving away after she is gone. If your FIL says no - and does get married, maybe you could go to the new MIL and say "If there is ever anything of my MIL's that you no longer wish to have in the house, please call me prior to throwing it out, donating it, or giving it to someone else. The grandchildren may like to have it." I'm just thinking out loud, I'm sure you would say it with much more tact!:lol: P.S. please forgive my spelling - not my strongest suit!:D

I agree with everyone else: You should plan for your children's future as best as you can and don't count on that money. However - if your FIL has said that he wants to help the children with college, I would have your DH mention that if he still wants to do that, they should go and put X amount away in a trust for each grandchild. Otherwise, pre-nup or not, they could spend/go through all the money prior to your FIL ever dying and none of the grandchildren will see anything. With that said - I agree, it should be about your FIL's happiness, BUT your DH should insist that his Father go to an attorney and get a will done. Especially if there are things - pictures, furniture, china, etc. that you would like to stay in your family. My father passed away 7 years ago from terminal cancer. He did have a will, but he only specified the BIG things - cars, house, etc. He said, your "step-mom" knows who gets what pictures, etc. and will make sure that what I wanted done is done. Hahaha. After my father passed away, step-mom went from a nice lady to the wicked *itch of the west! She doled out only what was specified in the will and EVERYTHING else went to her only son - my step brother - who SOLD it ALL - and burned all photos from mine and my sisters child hood! They had only been married 8 years. Oh, and two weeks prior to my dad's death - she purchased a condo in Florida (put in step-brothers name), she purchased a brand new chevy camero convertable, an above ground monster swimming pool, a hottub, new wall to wall carpet for the house (to be installed after he died), new furniture for the house (to be delivered after he died), paid off mortgage on step-brothers house, bought a new motorcycle for step-brother, and three tickets for an Alaska cruise for step-brother, his girlfriend and herself. (She needed to get away to deal with the grief!!:crying: My father owned his own auto-shops and had for years. We also have no idea of what she did with all the insurance money she got - but we have heard from a mutal friend that they blew through it in about a year. Money does strange things to people.:D ) From my perspective, I could care less about the money - don't want it - never did - just wanted the pictures from my childhood and my dad's military trunk that had his military stuff (uniform, pictures, letters from my grandmother when he was in Vietnam) nothing that meant a hill of beans to my step brother. My dh and I have had our own business since 1996 so we are pretty self sufficient. But for my sisters, they were beside themselves - and they are very bitter and angry to this day. Just trying to give you a heads up of where this could go. I would prepare myself NOW with the thought of I'm not getting anything, neither are my kids - unless your FIL puts that money aside now. (sorry if that sounds harsh - I don't mean it that way.;)

Turtlenecks - Sweaters & Jeans - Oh my! Visions of wonderful dance through my head! :party: We LOVE the fall - and the spring. Summer is fun for the first week or so and then it is just too hot to go out.

I'm a transplant to the south and love it - but this kind of thing only gives crediability to those who think that everyone who lives here is like that! And I won't insult rednecks - they are above that!:D When I first came to the south - here are some questions that I was asked. 1. Do they have cars down there? 2. Do they wear shoes? 3. Does everyone including the ladies chew tobacca? Really!!:lol:

Thank you ladies for all your input. You all are very gracious and honest - which is what I really needed. While I do want to take care of them several things have donned on me if you will. 1. When we agreed to move them here, both dh and I were completely under the assumption that they would only both be here for a short while and we didn't know the half of their conditions. While dh still thinks so, especially about his grandfather on dialysis (most folks over 60 only make it 5 years max and he is 90 with a double pacemaker, high blood pressure and zero kidney function, he is on year two) I am thinking - what IF they live for 2 or 3 more years. Can I keep this up? What will this do to my marriage, and my children? 2. Right now his grandfather actually helps her get in and out of bed, in and out of the wheel chair, etc. I'm not sure how in the world he does that - but if he were gone I know I could not do that, let alone lift her if she fell. 3. My husband has power of attorney - but we just learned last week through Home Health care, as someone pointed out here - that doesn't mean squat! We have discussed the need for him to be the guardian. The GM doesn't see the point to that since they are both able to make decisions at this time! I plan on speaking with dh this evening, this is the longest that I have kept anything from him. He is such a sweet (don't know that he'd like that term :) ) great guy that when I think of having this conversation my gut ties up in knots due to I feel like I'm just being selfish or overreacting. Part of me says I should just go on vacation for two weeks and leave him here alone and then see what he says! There are a lot of issues, but one of the biggies for me is that she only bathes once a week. Ewww - I'm waiting for my ds who is 11 and says exactly what comes to his mind to say, "granny, why do you smell? did you get a bath??" He has already asked why in the world she needs ALL those white sponges that come in those purple bags when she doesn't clean anything, and where does she keep the cleaning tool that they "stick" to. :w00t: Alittle more humor: just like my dd who is 9 asked "granny, are you hitting grandpa with your grabber? you shouldn't do that if you are, it leaves black marks..." :eek: (He takes coumaden and if you just touch him lightly on the arm he bruises!) Never a dull moment...

Most of the ladies in the local homeschooling group go to this church and while they don't send their kids to the school they are involved in everthing else so the are exempt from being black balled. That in itself is another topic!:D

You ladies are fast!:D I guess I should have stated this: MIL is not living with us. No way under God's green earth would that happen! :lol: She is staying in one of those extended stays about 45 minutes away. Oh the beauty of living in the country! And she is not permitted at the house without myself or dh here. And she is not permitted around the children without us as well. As far as someone coming in - Home health care has started coming in to do a weekly finger stick - due to them both being on comaden, and her needing a monthly B shot. I was running somewhere everyday but the weekend. However, they (the grandparents) will not let them help with anything else. And we were told by Home Health care that at any time the patient (the grandparents) can tell them that they don't want them to come back and they have to abide by their wishes! Crazy, I thought! I've expressed my concern about her not bathing - there is no reason as we have a complete wheel chair friendly ADA shower with no tub! They said there was nothing that they or I could do about it! Wow! It is painfully obvious (at least to me) that we really didn't know the extent of what was required to take care of them, and they weren't very forthcoming with their true physical or mental condition. What do we do now? There is no house for them to go back to - there is no other family but the MIL, who has already told us in the time she has been here that she does not want to deal with any of their physical issues. I'm just at a loss. I'm trying to look at it from the perspective of: what would I do if it were my grandparents? And to be honest - I really don't think I would have brought them here. I know, not the christian thing to say and how cruel, but I'm just trying to be honest. Sometimes that's very difficult. :blushing:

:iagree: I have two boys that are older but I could have written your post! When they were younger I did what the other ladies are recommending - right down to putting labels on the drawers so that the reluctant one would know where his socks went! ;) I also separated them at first - gave ds1 who is the natural cleaner - his jobs and let him finish. Then I went in with ds2 who was not the natural cleaner and worked with him, showing him what I expected and training him on how to get it done. This wasn't a one and done thing.:D Then we have a bedroom check in the am and then again in the pm - it helps with the "he made a mess in the room and won't clean it up!" syndrome.

We have a sleep number and have had it since 2006 and love it! We tried the tempurpedic, but dh could "smell" a funny smell, so it went back. Unfortunately - becasue we enjoyed it as well. If I had to replace I would go with one of those two all over again!

Warning - this is long :D I just needed a safe place to vent and I've been reading/lurking here for several years but just officially signed in and started to post. Figured I couldn't lurk forever! :) My husband’s grandparents moved in with us from another state in the middle of June. Grandfather is 90, has no kidney function, been on dialysis for 2 years now and is starting to display dementia/Alzheimer’s. (They say it comes with being on dialysis and your kidneys not working) The only reason the grandfather has not passed on and is on dialysis at this time is because when he fell ill, as in almost died, she LIED to him and told him that he would only have to be on dialysis for a few months and then we would be fine! :angry: The grandfather would have never agreed to what he has had to endure for the past two years! The Grandmother is 84 and has been in a wheelchair pretty much full time since April, and is in complete denial that her husband is sick and most likely going to die sooner than later.- hence the reason they moved from their home of 60 years - she can no longer take care of him and their house could not accommodate a wheelchair. Two of their neighbors were carring her in the wheelchair up and down 4 large steps when she had to go out! Prior to her not being able to walk much they were adamant that they would NEVER leave Oklahoma and their home. They have no family there - my husband is an only child of an only child. Which brings me to his mother who hates my guts and who hasn't seen or spoken to my husband and I in 7 years - or her own parents in 12 years. She has also moved here!! (her hating my guts is really an understatement - thanks to you ladies and a post made a week or so ago, I've learned that she is a Narcissus) This is the woman who told me the last time she saw me that if she could kill me and get away with it she would and that I should just wait, my kids will grow up to hate me for homeschooling them.:eek: My MIL has been here for about 10 days and in addition to the dialysis 3 days a week, ALL the doctors’ appointments, fixing food (anyone that knows about dialysis knows I am cooking constantly) making sure that the grandparents don't fall, trying to get the grandmother to bath more than once a week, doing laundry and attempting to start school I now have to deal with the MIL’s angry attitude towards me and her playing the victim/guilt trip on her son, ie he should be at her beck and call. Fortunately, my dh is wise to her, doesn't go for this anymore and just ignores her. She claims she came here so that she could see her parents before they die - REALLY!! When we notified her two years ago when he almost died her comment was: "I don't care what happens to those people" and she hung up on me! She has shirked her duty as far as I'm concerned. These are HER parents - they are just our Grandparents - she should be the one taking care of them. And she should have moved from Washington to Oklahoma 2 years ago when he almost died and was put on dialysis! She is single, retired and has nothing to do all day. I have four children, a husband who owns a business, and I homeschool. For the record, my husband and I think she is only here since at one time she was the beneficiary on their wills and she would get a very large sum of money. Unbeknownst to her, there is no longer any sum of money, except funeral money, thanks to medical expenses and I guess just life, and she is no longer listed on their wills at all! We are guessing that when this comes to light she will most likely take off to some other state never to be heard from again. We have had to give up: horseback riding lessons, fencing, debate, … and pretty much going ANY where or doing ANY thing as they can't be left alone. Couple that with the fact that they have to eat at X time for lunch and X time for dinner it just seems like I no longer own my life, and everything, including my children’s lives revolves around the “great-grandparentsâ€. I have not displayed a bad attitude, so none of this would be evident to anyone, and really, I love them both dearly, this is just taking a toll on me and I'm sure sooner or later the novelty will wear off for the kids. Right now they love having their great grandparents here, however, over the weekend, questions started to come about when are we going to go back to fencing? Why aren't we preparing anything for debate? I've started to question myself, my oldest ds is in 8th grade - is this really fair for him or the other children to cut all of their activities? What if they are both living come next year when he is high school – how will that play out? And then the questions of, what will we do with her (in a wheelchair) when he (her husband) dies? Does my husband move into “their†section of the house because she can’t be alone and can’t take care of herself? She weighs 200 lbs or so, I can't lift her up and neither can the children. Do we put her into an assisted living – which is why they moved here because they didn’t want to go into assisted living? Will she (grandmother) take that entire bottle of valium that she is holding onto after he dies? If she does, what repercussions will that have on my family? She has stated after he dies she doesn’t want to live and will do away with herself! Can I report any of this to her doctor? How would I explain that I know she has valium? What were we thinking when we moved them here?? Would it have been better to let them go into a home in Oklahoma? They have lived a full life – what about my children’s lives?:crying: I feel awful asking these questions to myself and I don’t dare mention them to my husband – who is absolutely wonderful and I could tell anything to – but these are his grandparents and they practically raised him as his Mom left his dad when he was 5 and walked away from all family. When I add the MIL into the mix I feel like I need duct tape as my head is going to explode!:banghead: On Saturday I was told that I needed to schedule a pedicure for them as they need to have their nails trimmed etc. I felt like saying - are you kidding me!! I now have to take MY Saturday and sit for a few hours at a salon!! I’m sure that I’m just over reacting and being selfish – but I just really needed a place to rant – and you ladies are always so gracious! Thanks for letting me let out some steam. I really tried to keep it concise, as there is really a lot more to rant about at this time! You all are the best! I'm going to get a cup of coffee and try to :chillpill:! And if you read all of this - thank you again - you all are amazing!

I laughed so hard when I read this - My dd who is 9 sounds exactly like this! :D I don't know what to tell you - except for us we implemented a hand signal (hold up one finger nicely) and "code words" (eckhem - translated the sound when you clear your throat) that when used she says "Ohhh" and then is quiet. At least for a few minutes.:lol: She is not an only child - she has two older brothers - who at times tell her to PLEASEEEEEE stop talking and a younger sister who is so quiet we have nick named her "the mouse"! :D Here's to hoping they outgrow it :grouphug: Lisa

Well, I'm gonna step out on a limb here - this is my first post, but I read a lot! (you ladies are a wealth of information and I am sooo grateful that you are here :001_smile:) I am disgusted with everything that has transpired at Penn State. While I'm sure this won't be popular - I personally don't think we really should have such a thing as "college football". College should really be about higher education and knowledge for your chosen profession (doctors, lawyers, computer guys, etc.) For me that was really the bigger question about the scandal - tell me again WHY we need to have college football?? Maybe tutution wouldn't be so high if it was about going to school to get an education verses sports and partying? Before someone blasts me - ;) - let me admit - I am a Penn State Graduate, I didn't go there because of football/partying - I really went there for my education. (I am originally from Pittsburgh and now live in Tennessee) And one of my questions about all of this is WHY is McQuery STILL employeed at Penn State. He should be fired, as he is just as much at fault as the rest. Ok, I'm done with my rant :lol: