BlueTaelon Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I know this was the norm long ago but not anymore I don't think. Anyway, would you marry someone who while you would never love you would be content with. You would of course be expected to perform your wifely duties in the bedroom and out. In exchange, you and your children will be well cared for by a decent man. You would get to travel quite a bit as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 No way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I don't think you could really be content in a situation like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyMama Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think marriage is hard enough with the man I love to pieces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think the longer you are with a person, you would grow to love them. But that may be just my opinion, I think it could work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Sure, if I felt a decent friendship with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Id be a liar in the bedroom. No, I couldn't marry someone I didn't love or have an attraction for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Maybe I'd consider "settling" if I really felt called to be a mother and was getting to the age where my biological clock were a factor. I don't believe in deliberately conceiving children out-of-wedlock nor in using assisted reproductive technology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 If I felt that love would grow, then I might. I would have to have a lot of respect and friendship with him as well as valuing his other good qualities. But in reality, I would would probably wait to see if love grew, rather than marry and hope it did. I've heard that this is what happens in arranged marriages, love grows if you are lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frugalmama Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Possibly. It would depend on how our relationship was, not counting "love". If it were someone that I got along well with, was a good parent to my children, and provided for my and my family, you bet I would. In a heartbeat right now. This will probably not be the opinion of most of the members here, but I don't see Love as being an essential part of a marriage. Historically love hasn't even been a consideration, as long as the couple could work well in a relationship together. Maybe it's because I'm a Muslim, and marriage isn't looked at the same in my faith. It's more how I described - a good working relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think the longer you are with a person, you would grow to love them. But that may be just my opinion, I think it could work. Exactly! A decent man, a good husband and father, and you are content with your life? I can't imagine NOT loving him over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Since I think of real love as a choice, not something you fall into, then yes I think I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Possibly. It would depend on how our relationship was, not counting "love". If it were someone that I got along well with, was a good parent to my children, and provided for my and my family, you bet I would. In a heartbeat right now. This will probably not be the opinion of most of the members here, but I don't see Love as being an essential part of a marriage. Historically love hasn't even been a consideration, as long as the couple could work well in a relationship together. Maybe it's because I'm a Muslim, and marriage isn't looked at the same in my faith. It's more how I described - a good working relationship. I know this in my head but I can't image having sex with someone I dont love or even have romantic feelings for. Eta: this man meets your criteria Edited May 28, 2012 by BlueTaelon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) I know this was the norm long ago but not anymore I don't think. Anyway, would you marry someone who while you would never love you would be content with. You would of course be expected to perform your wifely duties in the bedroom and out. In exchange, you and your children will be well cared for by a decent man. You would get to travel quite a bit as well. No. Having known real love, I could not settle for less. I would prefer to be on my own than sacrifice my emotional integrity. There is no amount of money, security or travel that could make me betray myself like that. Edited May 28, 2012 by Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Yes, assuming that I just didn't love him in the beginning and that there was the posiblity of it growing. I would have to 'like' the person first though. I could not do a mail order or arranged marriage situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Heck no. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from killing Patrick is the fact that I'm madly in love with him. That was a joke, ok? But there is some truth to it. I cannot imagine living with a man I didn't love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I've seen some arranged marriages (arranged by people who loved and knew both husband and wife and had a good idea how they would click) grow into strong loving marriages. If that was the sort of thing you meant, then yes. If you mean the kind of marriages that American men and women had in the Old West (and other places) where the marriage was primarily for survival - esp. for a widowed woman, then I would have to be as desperate as they were to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Since I think of real love as a choice, not something you fall into, then yes I think I could. Yes, no doubt. Easy question.:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Not in this culture and with my life the way it is now. I think we are very privileged to be able to safely choose not marrying. If I were in a culture or situation where I felt unsafe as a single woman then I would be happy to have the opportunity to marry someone decent that I liked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 It is completely culturally dependent. What one expects out of a marriage depends entirely on what one is conditioned to expect. (Speaking as one who was previously married to someone from a culture where arranged marriages were the norm.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Is there mutual respect? I couldn't marry someone without this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I want to say no, but this is one of those questions that's so hypothetical for me that I can't even know what my actual answer is. It's just so beyond the situation of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookfamily6 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 No, I think marriage is hard enough with loving the person. I can't imagine living day to day with someone that I didn't love. My husband and I are best friends and completely crazy about each other so I couldn't do something that didn't make me this happy. And no we aren't bank rolling we have for sure had some VERY hard times. JMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I hate to say it but I just can't answer this with a straight "yes" or "no". "Yes" if it meant I was in a really bad, bad situation and this were the only way to provide for my children. You say he's nice and kind and a good person? I could manage that. "Yes", I can imagine it if I were quite a bit older without dependent children and we were both mostly looking for companionship. Is it true that Jackie O said we marry in our youth for love, in our middle age for money and in our old age for companionship? "No" if I can possibly provide for my children and my husband has passed away. I love my husband very, very much but I'm pretty certain that if anything were to happen to him I wouldn't want to do this all over again. However, I do believe you could fall in love after marrying. Especially with the description you gave. If I weren't lazy I'd look up the quote from Pride and Prejudice when Lizzie and Charlotte or Lizzie and her sister were discussing the likelihood of happiness in marriage. It would be very appropriate. :). Friendship blooms into love everyday. I think you'd be more likely to develop a deeper type love from that than passionate, reckless, whirlwind marriage. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 It sounds like one would be marrying for security or money. I would not. As the saying goes, She who marries for money - earns it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Well cared for by a decent man . . . I'm getting warm feelings already. I would probably fall in love with the guy if he was at least faithful and friendly, in addition to "decent." Now, if he was a Prince Charles type (with a "true love" he's unable to marry), or hiding his true sexual orienation, or a carrier of similar baggage, I could not be "content" in that arrangement for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I want to say no, but this is one of those questions that's so hypothetical for me that I can't even know what my actual answer is. It's just so beyond the situation of my life. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jilly Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 In exchange, you and your children will be well cared for by a decent man. I would never be able to do this if I had children at home. It is hard enough to blend a family when you love your spouse. I think it would be nearly impossible to do in a situation without love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I know this was the norm long ago but not anymore I don't think. Anyway, would you marry someone who while you would never love you would be content with. You would of course be expected to perform your wifely duties in the bedroom and out. In exchange, you and your children will be well cared for by a decent man. You would get to travel quite a bit as well. A decent man would never ask any woman to perform wifely duties in the bedroom if she was not interested in that kind of relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 If I thought we were well suited for each other, then yes, I could see deciding to marry such a person. How would you know that you do not love this person or wouldn't eventually grow to love them? I was not *in love* with my husband the first time he mentioned marriage. It took a while to develop for me in our relationship--honestly for the longest time I did not imagine marrying him AT ALL. We have been married 20 years and I think we are very well suited for each other and we do love each other (does make it easier to resist the urge to smack them--jking jking, I do not really even have the urge to smack him or anyone). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 OK, let's cut to the chase. How much money does he have? :D Oh yeah, and is he paunchy and out of shape? :ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 OK, let's cut to the chase. How much money does he have? :D Oh yeah, and is he paunchy and out of shape? :ack2: He's stunningly gorgeous, a millionaire and he wants to dedicate himself to you and your 8 children. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 He's stunningly gorgeous, a millionaire and he wants to dedicate himself to you and your 8 children. :D Wow, sounds like a possible "yes" :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 A decent man would never ask any woman to perform wifely duties in the bedroom if she was not interested in that kind of relationship. A truly decent man would try to get her interested. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 A truly decent man would try to get her interested. :D And if she still wasn't into it, he would get serious about P90x so he'd look as hot as possible in just 90 days. :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 A decent man would never ask any woman to perform wifely duties in the bedroom if she was not interested in that kind of relationship. A truly decent man would try to get her interested. :D Perhaps the OP might mean want, not expect. As for me, sure. (Of course baring things I could not possibly know about given so little information) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 OK, let's cut to the chase. How much money does he have? :D Oh yeah, and is he paunchy and out of shape? :ack2: Now we are talking... He's stunningly gorgeous, a millionaire and he wants to dedicate himself to you and your 8 children. :D But if he's stunningly gorgeous, I don't think this question would be poll worthy. A truly decent man would try to get her interested. :D True. If he were stunningly gorgeous and trying to get me interested.....I'd better not finish that sentence... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 And if she still wasn't into it, he would get serious about P90x so he'd look as hot as possible in just 90 days. :thumbup: Yep. A smart guy knows what to do. hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think marriage is hard enough with the man I love to pieces. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Wow, sounds like a possible "yes" :) Can you imagine if a man like that existed? He'd probably expect you to be gorgeous, too, after 8 kids. There is always a catch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Perhaps the OP might mean want, not expect. If it was "want" and not "expect," I could imagine a situation that might work...but I can also imagine a lot of frustration if she never grew to love him. It would be a gamble, and I'm not willing to gamble with my dc's emotional security. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Yes. My dh's grandparents had just such a relationship. And though it wasn't perfect nor easy, I really admire their devotion and love for each other which lasted for their almost 50 years of marriage. She married him when a teen, and he was the one with the children (and the money). I really think love is something one chooses. I may have been in love when I got married, but I've chosen to stay in love all these years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 It depends. I think love is a VERB, and that you should marry a friend/companion, not a romance, BUT someone who is truly a good, caring person would not force/expect bedroom activities if you don't want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Most. Important. Question.: Does he own a kilt, and will we be getting pictures of him wearing it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 He's stunningly gorgeous, a millionaire and he wants to dedicate himself to you and your 8 children. :D That's it? I couldn't possibly love such a man. No way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I'm going to nitpick the thread title a little bit... If it was a man I could *never* love, then I'd picture him as someone who would have to be racist or hateful or abusive for me to know I could never love him, and in that case the answer is an emphatic NO. But, if the question is whether I could marry a man I don't currently love or feel particularly attracted to, then I think the answer is maybe, depending on the circumstances. My great-grandparents had such a marriage. They were both widowed young, both with children, in the midst of the Great Depression. Their marriage was one of convenience, she to have a man to support her and he to have a mother for his children. They freely admitted they did not love each other and I don't know if they ever grew to have a strong romantic relationship (although they did have a few more children together, so there was that), and they did grow old together. By the time I remember them, they were both crotchety older folks who constantly picked at each other, but with an undercurrent of mutual admiration. They also died within two weeks of each other, and that seems to indicate they cared about each other. I think, depending on circumstance, marriage can be more about mutual benefit, and that the partners can grow to love each other. But I do think it would require marrying someone that I at least respected and with whom I had some life philosophies in common. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 That's it? I couldn't possibly love such a man. No way. He also smells good. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I know this was the norm long ago but not anymore I don't think. Anyway, would you marry someone who while you would never love you would be content with. You would of course be expected to perform your wifely duties in the bedroom and out. In exchange, you and your children will be well cared for by a decent man. You would get to travel quite a bit as well. Once upon a time I would have said no way, but after 11 years on my own yeah I really think I would. If it meant stability and I was happy yes, loving someone is a choice, if they are a good person, and I knew we were be happy/content, the kids and I cared for etc then I have no problem leaving love out of the equation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 OK, let's cut to the chase. How much money does he have? :D Oh yeah, and is he paunchy and out of shape? :ack2: Lol, let's just say most months he makes more money in a month then I do in 6 months, not out of shape either lol. Truth be told we dated years ago but I felt we made better friends. Now I'm moving out of state and he wants to try wooing me in hopes I'll stay. Called this morning wanting to take me and the kids to Disneyland on a 2 day hopper pass and hotel accommodations with our own room (he loves seeing kids happy, his dd is spoiled rotten from trips like that, shes got some high expectations of a future DH lol). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Once upon a time I would have said no way, but after 11 years on my own yeah I really think I would. If it meant stability and I was happy yes, loving someone is a choice, if they are a good person, and I knew we were be happy/content, the kids and I cared for etc then I have no problem leaving love out of the equation. :iagree: I'd absolutely go for content and well-cared for. Cuz, you know, Sometimes love just ain't enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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