Jump to content

Menu

I am the most unreasonable mom on earth..


Recommended Posts

because I won't let my son get a Facebook account until he turns 13 in April. EVERYONE else has Facebook even though they're not 13, except for his one cousin who gets on her mom's account all the time.

 

I've been surprised by how many people aren't bothered by lying about their kid's birthday, but that's their thing to deal with. But I know I can't really be the only extreme rule follower left on the face of the earth, can I?

:bigear:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I'm there with you as the most unreasonable mom ever. My children are 15 and 13 and no way am I allowing them FaceBook accounts. And DH, a computer security expert, would go ballistic if I even considered it. He doesn't even like *me* having one where I post no personal information except my name and have all of the security measures locked down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are not the only one... ;) My DD thinks I am the worst momma ever for just the same reason!

 

Of course, she doesn't consider the fact that she got on FB without permission, opened an acct and used it inappropriately before age 13 to be any problem whatsoever. That should not have resulted in being banned from the computer and the whole network being put on BeSecure, if Mom and Dad had any sense at all. Kids! :confused:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now that you have read the other posts to your thread, I'm sure you are quite relieved to learn that you may only be the 5th or the 6th Most Unreasonable Mom on Earth. ;) Of course, if those other 4 or 5 moms are unable to fulfill their Unreasonable duties, you'll have to put on the tiara, strap on the sash, and assume the title...

 

BTW, I think you're doing the right thing. I would even be very cautious about it at 13, and would monitor the account very closely. There's some very unsafe and unsavory stuff happening on Facebook.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't mind FB at first. Seemed like a good idea at the time, I had lots of fun with it, myself, ds joined at 13 and nothing bad happened...

 

but time has gone by, and now I'm terrified of it for young people. The teens of my acquaintance just don't seem to really understand how important it is to not make a horse's patoot of yourself on the internet. My boys are pretty smart, and mature for their ages, but if they do something stupid I don't want it following them through their 20's and beyond just because they compounded their stupidity by documenting it on Facebook.

 

So that's why mine don't do FB. But if they did, they'd not begin by lying about their age! If we think a company has ridiculous policies then we don't do business with them. We don't lie to play a game.

Edited by Tibbie Dunbar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My 7 yr old claims "ALL my friends are on facebook". And "ALL my friends have cell phones", too. I take both with a pound of salt. (I do know that she has one friend who has both-the mom set up a FB account in the girl's name when she got her divorce because she uses it to share photos with her ex husband and ex-inlaws of the girl without having them on the mom's personal FB (but the child doesn't actually have access), and the child has a basic cell phone to use for her nightly phone calls with the parent she's not with.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I'm there with you as the most unreasonable mom ever. My children are 15 and 13 and no way am I allowing them FaceBook accounts. And DH, a computer security expert, would go ballistic if I even considered it. He doesn't even like *me* having one where I post no personal information except my name and have all of the security measures locked down.

 

Same here. No one in our house has FB. Not me, not dh, not the dc, no one.

 

Our policy is: If it's a new technology, the full repercussions of which are yet unknown, the benefit of which is marginal, and yet the broader culture blindly latches onto it, we keep our distance until the cost/benefit analysis proves it has merit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I made my son wait. His father wanted me to lie and set it up early so he could contact him through there. I would not back down and when I showed my son the age limitations I told him it was the law lol He stopped asking until a few weeks after his 13th birthday. DD12 knows the rule too, so she asks occasionally and many kids she knows has one already but I will not relent.

 

DS13 has his account now, and I have full access and I regularily do random checks of his postings and messages to be sure he is not misusing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I made my dd wait until she was 14yo. My ds will wait at the very least until he is 13yo. I also do not allow dd to post photos, and I approve any photo she wishes to use for her profile picture. I see some of the photos her friends post and am appalled--when they are adults those photos will come back to haunt them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

because I won't let my son get a Facebook account until he turns 13 in April. EVERYONE else has Facebook even though they're not 13, except for his one cousin who gets on her mom's account all the time.

 

I've been surprised by how many people aren't bothered by lying about their kid's birthday, but that's their thing to deal with. But I know I can't really be the only extreme rule follower left on the face of the earth, can I?

:bigear:

 

You're nicer than me. We don't do facebook. I have a 'family account' that I use to get coupons. I don't post anything on it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It bothers me when parents allow their children to have their own FB accounts before they are 13 (I know many who do).

 

My son will get one when he turns 13...with conditions (both dh and I are friends, with unlimited access to his account), son may only "friend" people we know and/or approve of, he may only use his FB account on the family computer in full view of either DH or I, and I'm sure there will be a few other things we get into (we have 6 more months to get it all defined).

 

The e-mail he'll use for the FB account is actually linked to dh and my accounts...so we'll get copies of any notices.

 

I want him to learn how to use it, and become responsible with the technology with our guidance. Not be like my nephew, who once he was 18, just went crazy with all of his new found freedom...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I caved this year, at 12, but only because of special circumstances. He didn't want to be homeschooled and was depressed (diagnosed by a specialist). He has Asperger's as well, and has trouble keeping social relationships. Facebook allowed him a way to connect with other homeschooled kids we met at co-op, and after a lot of thinking and talking about boundaries I allowed it. I have his password and monitor his account religiously. And my dh has a degree in information systems security (computer security) and has given the ok.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

because I won't let my son get a Facebook account until he turns 13 in April. EVERYONE else has Facebook even though they're not 13, except for his one cousin who gets on her mom's account all the time.

 

I've been surprised by how many people aren't bothered by lying about their kid's birthday, but that's their thing to deal with. But I know I can't really be the only extreme rule follower left on the face of the earth, can I?

:bigear:

 

You are not alone. My son wasn't allowed to have Facebook until he was 13, either. In his case, he bugged me about it and bugged me about it right up until about a week before his birthday, then forgot about it for months.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

With five kids, two of whom are computer geeks, it was difficult knowing what parameters to set regarding social networking. Add in some psycho extended family and security is a greater concern.

 

Our rule is no FB until 13. Because kids can block parents only from seeing their posts/profiles, they have to let us check the account periodically. Recently, my wonderful (truly he is), 15 yo son was caught with a second FB account registered to an alias. Not sure of his intentions, but when he had to deceive and lie to cover it, he lost both of them. You know, Teen Iceberg Tales (they only state the obvious, the rest of the story lies beneath the surface =)

 

Just this morning, a local news program discussed how companies have folks in the HR Dept who lurk on FB/Twitter to get an idea about perspective employees. Imagine! They want to know how social they are, how connected, interests, music preferences, married, children, and other things which cannot legally be asked on interviews. The anchors went on to warn young people about keeping their antics off the internet.

 

JMHO,

Teresa in NC

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In his defense, all his friends really do have it. I was a little surprised to see our senior pastor's 12 year old has an account. And they all use their real names, not associated with their parents.

 

I will absolutely have the password and check his account regularly. And I don't think he's bothered by that idea. It's just that April is soooo far away:mad:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now that you have read the other posts to your thread, I'm sure you are quite relieved to learn that you may only be the 5th or the 6th Most Unreasonable Mom on Earth. ;) Of course, if those other 4 or 5 moms are unable to fulfill their Unreasonable duties, you'll have to put on the tiara, strap on the sash, and assume the title...

 

BTW, I think you're doing the right thing. I would even be very cautious about it at 13, and would monitor the account very closely. There's some very unsafe and unsavory stuff happening on Facebook.

 

Hang in there you moms who are more unreasonable than me:cheers2: I'm not really a tiara kind of girl!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

because I won't let my son get a Facebook account until he turns 13 in April. EVERYONE else has Facebook even though they're not 13, except for his one cousin who gets on her mom's account all the time.

 

I've been surprised by how many people aren't bothered by lying about their kid's birthday, but that's their thing to deal with. But I know I can't really be the only extreme rule follower left on the face of the earth, can I?

:bigear:

 

Another "meanie mom" here. Dh says no FB till 18 yo. I'm more of the mindset of no FB ever! but here's another reason God puts together opposites - to balance one another out. :)

 

My 7 yr old claims "ALL my friends are on facebook". And "ALL my friends have cell phones", too. I take both with a pound of salt. (I do know that she has one friend who has both-the mom set up a FB account in the girl's name when she got her divorce because she uses it to share photos with her ex husband and ex-inlaws of the girl without having them on the mom's personal FB (but the child doesn't actually have access), and the child has a basic cell phone to use for her nightly phone calls with the parent she's not with.)

 

I hear this too esp. from ds14 -- so annoying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

With five kids, two of whom are computer geeks, it was difficult knowing what parameters to set regarding social networking. Add in some psycho extended family and security is a greater concern.

 

Our rule is no FB until 13. Because kids can block parents only from seeing their posts/profiles, they have to let us check the account periodically. Recently, my wonderful (truly he is), 15 yo son was caught with a second FB account registered to an alias. Not sure of his intentions, but when he had to deceive and lie to cover it, he lost both of them. You know, Teen Iceberg Tales (they only state the obvious, the rest of the story lies beneath the surface =)

 

 

 

JMHO,

Teresa in NC

 

"Teen Iceberg Tales":lol: I love it!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dd didn't get a facebook account until she was 13. She didn't even consider lying about her age. And she knows she couldn't ask me to either.

 

I do think it's awful how many parents think it's ok to lie about kids' ages. I have one friend who complained about all the social issues her ds was having with fb at 11, but she wouldn't close the account and restrict his computer use. So, I'm not sure why she was complaining.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only one in our family with a FB account is our dd, she's 19.

16 year old son doesn't have FB, his own e-mail, a cell phone, ipod, ect. I don't see him getting any of these things until he is on his own and has a job to pay for them. But....I seriously doubt he will want some of those anyway (like FB). He does have a MP3 player.....but we can't even figure out how to get songs on it. :001_smile:

Oh...and youngest dd doesn't have those things and won't either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also will not be allowing FB. My kids don't even know what it is.

 

Yep this. No one in this house is on FB, I can't see that changing until an adult makes a different decision (either a parent or adult child). 13? Not on your life... :tongue_smilie:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think we've had this discussion before (and I apologize in advance for potentially derailing this thread), but I'm very curious about the folks who are so completely adamant about not allowing Facebook at all. Why do you guys think it's evil?

 

Both of my kids have Facebook, as do I. I got started with it when my daughter was away at school and wanted to join. She found that her college professors used Facebook extensively to communicate with their classes. And so many of the other kids used Facebook that not being on it meant missing out on social stuff.

 

I use mine to communicate with local folks, but also to keep in touch with distant friends with whom I would otherwise lose touch. Sure, we "could" call or e-mail, but these folks don't do so. I know that Facebook is superficial, but it's better than the nothing I get from many people otherwise. My son's choir communicates primarily through Facebook, as do the directors and casts of every show either kid has been in for the last year.

 

We also use Facebook chat to, well, chat with people. And my daughter and I used it quite a lot while she was away.

 

None of us play Facebook games. The only app any of us use is one of the newspaper readers my daughter likes.

 

I'm genuinely curious about why folks are so uneasy about what it, after all, just a tool for communicating?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think we've had this discussion before (and I apologize in advance for potentially derailing this thread), but I'm very curious about the folks who are so completely adamant about not allowing Facebook at all. Why do you guys think it's evil?

 

I'll bite. It's not evil because of all the cool things you can do with it. I think it's evil (or at least not a good idea) because of all the personal information that gets put out there. Pictures of your family. People's names and hometowns and family members. Messages on the wall that include where you are posting from at a particular time.

 

DD18 has a FB account. Do I want her posting that she just got off work from Store X at 10pm and is tired? No - I would rather not have everyone know that she gets off work late at night on Tuesdays. That's just asking for trouble - but you see these type of posts from her friends all the time.

 

People tend to think of FB as being "private" somehow. They put information out there for people to see and think that the "security settings" on FB are somehow going to protect that information. That's not the case. Your info is set to "private", but your dear Aunt Mabel has you listed as a family member and has her settings wide-open. Good Luck with that when she leaves her FB account logged in at the library!

 

What you put out there on the internet is there forever. One way or another......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think we've had this discussion before (and I apologize in advance for potentially derailing this thread), but I'm very curious about the folks who are so completely adamant about not allowing Facebook at all. Why do you guys think it's evil?

 

Both of my kids have Facebook, as do I. I got started with it when my daughter was away at school and wanted to join. She found that her college professors used Facebook extensively to communicate with their classes. And so many of the other kids used Facebook that not being on it meant missing out on social stuff.

 

I use mine to communicate with local folks, but also to keep in touch with distant friends with whom I would otherwise lose touch. Sure, we "could" call or e-mail, but these folks don't do so. I know that Facebook is superficial, but it's better than the nothing I get from many people otherwise. My son's choir communicates primarily through Facebook, as do the directors and casts of every show either kid has been in for the last year.

 

We also use Facebook chat to, well, chat with people. And my daughter and I used it quite a lot while she was away.

 

None of us play Facebook games. The only app any of us use is one of the newspaper readers my daughter likes.

 

I'm genuinely curious about why folks are so uneasy about what it, after all, just a tool for communicating?

 

I'll bite. It's not evil because of all the cool things you can do with it. I think it's evil (or at least not a good idea) because of all the personal information that gets put out there. Pictures of your family. People's names and hometowns and family members. Messages on the wall that include where you are posting from at a particular time.

 

DD18 has a FB account. Do I want her posting that she just got off work from Store X at 10pm and is tired? No - I would rather not have everyone know that she gets off work late at night on Tuesdays. That's just asking for trouble - but you see these type of posts from her friends all the time.

 

People tend to think of FB as being "private" somehow. They put information out there for people to see and think that the "security settings" on FB are somehow going to protect that information. That's not the case. Your info is set to "private", but your dear Aunt Mabel has you listed as a family member and has her settings wide-open. Good Luck with that when she leaves her FB account logged in at the library!

 

What you put out there on the internet is there forever. One way or another......

 

I'd like to add that college admissions officers, potential employers, and criminals all routinely use fb to learn about people. I don't think most teens (and sometimes young adults) have the judgement to keep things off fb that shouldn't be there. (And that is before you get to what everyone else puts on there about you, or the cyberbullying, etc.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think we've had this discussion before (and I apologize in advance for potentially derailing this thread), but I'm very curious about the folks who are so completely adamant about not allowing Facebook at all. Why do you guys think it's evil?

 

Both of my kids have Facebook, as do I. I got started with it when my daughter was away at school and wanted to join. She found that her college professors used Facebook extensively to communicate with their classes. And so many of the other kids used Facebook that not being on it meant missing out on social stuff.

 

I use mine to communicate with local folks, but also to keep in touch with distant friends with whom I would otherwise lose touch. Sure, we "could" call or e-mail, but these folks don't do so. I know that Facebook is superficial, but it's better than the nothing I get from many people otherwise. My son's choir communicates primarily through Facebook, as do the directors and casts of every show either kid has been in for the last year.

 

We also use Facebook chat to, well, chat with people. And my daughter and I used it quite a lot while she was away.

 

None of us play Facebook games. The only app any of us use is one of the newspaper readers my daughter likes.

 

I'm genuinely curious about why folks are so uneasy about what it, after all, just a tool for communicating?

 

 

I'm quite curious too.:confused: My oldest is 8 so we've got a ways to go but I've always figured I'd let her have a Facebook account when she's 13. We live in a very "techy" world and it's not going to go away. I want to teach my kids how to be safe and how to behave themselves online. I don't want them having to figure all that out when they are 18 and on their own.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think we've had this discussion before (and I apologize in advance for potentially derailing this thread), but I'm very curious about the folks who are so completely adamant about not allowing Facebook at all.

 

I'm curious about this as well. I see young people that use facebook and twitter to post every thought or emotion they have - which is NOT a good idea - and I see young people that use it appropriately in the same manner that I use it. Obviously the former group is not ok with me as a parent, but I do think facebook (and twitter and texting) can be just fine for teenagers. I see kids from our youth group keeping in touch with friends that are off to college or FBing or texting to meet up for stuff - even our youth ministers are very active on there.

 

I'd like to add that college admissions officers, potential employers, and criminals all routinely use fb to learn about people.

 

How do we know that college admissions officers do this? I'm not being argumentative, just curious. Is this established fact?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

because I won't let my son get a Facebook account until he turns 13 in April. EVERYONE else has Facebook even though they're not 13, except for his one cousin who gets on her mom's account all the time.

 

I've been surprised by how many people aren't bothered by lying about their kid's birthday, but that's their thing to deal with. But I know I can't really be the only extreme rule follower left on the face of the earth, can I?

:bigear:

 

My daughter turns 13 in April, I guess b/c her two older siblings had to wait, she is fine with it..my first to turn 13 could care less about FB at that age..now he checks it a few times a week, just not that hooked into it...I know several under 13s with accounts...each to their own...I'm with you on this issue and it has worked great for us!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

College admissions officers and prospective employers would have a hard time finding my Facebook - for a while I had it set so that only friends of friends could search for me. I could also make it so that my profile just doesn't show up in search. Even if they did find me, all they would see is my profile picture and cover picture - and the limited amount they can glean from that would be things they would probably already know...

 

I am the mean adult who would seriously consider reporting an under-13-year-old's Facebook account to Facebook. If I knew their parents didn't want them having an account, I would tell on them. The only teens I am friends with are my younger siblings who are 13 and older.

 

I think Facebook can be used quite safely (barring hackers), but proper use needs to be taught - so supervised Facebook use sounds fine to me. I'm years away from being a mom of a teen, and not so far away from being a teen myself - and I'm glad my parents didn't look over my shoulder on everything...but each situation is different. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll bite. It's not evil because of all the cool things you can do with it. I think it's evil (or at least not a good idea) because of all the personal information that gets put out there. Pictures of your family. People's names and hometowns and family members. Messages on the wall that include where you are posting from at a particular time.

 

But you can choose not to allow the location stuff, which means people only know where you are if you intentionally post it?

 

Maybe we're weird, but I'm pretty sure everyone in the world knew where we lived and to whom we were related well before I ever logged onto Facebook. I mean, our kids were quoted in our city's newspaper when they were six and three. My name gets mentioned in our church newsletter, which is available to read online. Every time one of my kids does a show, their names are listed on theatre websites (and occasionally in the newsparer, both in print and online). It's all just out there, anyway?

 

DD18 has a FB account. Do I want her posting that she just got off work from Store X at 10pm and is tired? No - I would rather not have everyone know that she gets off work late at night on Tuesdays. That's just asking for trouble - but you see these type of posts from her friends all the time.

 

People tend to think of FB as being "private" somehow. They put information out there for people to see and think that the "security settings" on FB are somehow going to protect that information. That's not the case. Your info is set to "private", but your dear Aunt Mabel has you listed as a family member and has her settings wide-open. Good Luck with that when she leaves her FB account logged in at the library!

 

What you put out there on the internet is there forever. One way or another......

 

Certainly, but aren't those things "user error" (as my techy husband would call it)? Isn't it just common sense not to put on the internet stuff you don't want on the internet? To be honest, there's stuff out there about me that happened before any private person had internet access. For example, searching for my maiden name turns up references to study guides I edited in my first real job back in the late 1980s. It's not like I would be a ghost if only I weren't on Facebook, you know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My problem with it is not being able to control content.

 

The other day someone posted this horrendous photo of a dead baby.

It had some political message with it that was right-on,

but I will not be able to get that image out of my head for a long time, if ever.

 

Definitely don't want my son having horrible images put in his head.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...