How involved were your parents in your education?

[GoVanGogh]

I see lack of parental involvement listed so often with what is wrong in our schools today. (Ex: "Hold parents accountable" was mentioned in the Dept of Ed/Waiting on Superman thread.)

 

But I was wondering - How involved were your parents in your education, especially if you graduated in the '70s and '80s? Did your parents read to you? Take you to the library? Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?

 

DH and I were born and raised in the same small, rural community and graduated mid-80s. Neither one of us had parents that were even remotely involved in our education.

 

DH: Graduated top in his class. Neither parent attended the ceremony where he made Honor Society and received scholarship certificate. Neither parent helped him look for a college or apply to a college. He moved off to college on his own. DH still complains about how uninvolved his parents were in his education, 30 years later. The subject came up when his mother was visiting recently and she told me she didn't even know he had graduated valedictorian.

His parents never took him to the library and they lived in the country so he didn't have access to the library on his own. He doesn't remember having any books in the house until he started working and buying his own books.

 

Myself: I graduated bottom of my graduating class. :tongue_smilie: I vividly remember 'turning off' to school in 3rd grade. I never again tried after that point. My parents and grandparents harped on me constantly to apply myself, but no one ever sat down and asked why I didn't like school or what was wrong. (Bullying, being constantly compared to my brilliant sister...) I only remember one teacher ever trying to reach out to me - an art teacher - but I was suspended from his classes because of my low grades. My parents owned one of the main businesses in our small town, so I was passed along from grade to grade because of my last name.

Ironically, I decided to go to college several years after high school and aced the entrance exam without studying for it. I ended up doing very well in college.

I did read quite a bit growing up and we did go to the library often, as well as having a number of books in the home. (Adult books, though. I don't remember any children's books in the house, nor do I recall reading any. I read adult books from an early age.)

 

Neither DH nor I ever remember studying for tests or doing homework.

DH didn't need to, basically, because of his good grades.

Me? I probably could have used someone asking me if I completed my homework. :lol: But my parents certainly never would have dreamed asking me that.

 

I know parenting ideals change over the decades and I often wonder if holding parents responsible for their children's education is one of those areas. Neither DH nor I had parents that were even remotely involved in our education, but I think that is pretty typical for our generation. When I ask people our age or older, it is common for parents to have not been involved. When I ask people even ten years younger, they are more apt to reply that their parents were involved.

 

I would love to hear other thoughts and opinions on this.

[NicAnn]

I graduated high school in 2004. My mother was not at all involved in my education, beyond telling me I could be whatever I wanted, I was smart, etc.

 

My grandparents, particularly my grandfather, was very involved. Lots of book reading, research projects, enrichment camps, etc. We talked often about what my education goals were and how to reach them. When we moved away from them in middle school, my grades went down, I had trouble focusing on the long term and I gave up in a lot of ways. I contribute this directly to moving away from that involvement.

 

I have no doubt that parental involvement is a huge factor in education.

[MamaT]

I graduated high school in 1981. I graduated with high honors and was near the top of my class. The only involvement my parents had in my education was to make sure I was grounded if I made a bad grade on a report card. I made a "C" once in the 7th grade and never did it again. I was grounded for 6 weeks. What is funny is that they were totally permissive about everything else. I mostly made good grades because it was important to ME, though - not out of fear.

 

My dh graduated in 1976 second in his class and won the state math award. His parents were never involved in his education at all. His motivation was internal as well.

[Guest]

I graduated high school in 1989. My parents pointed me in the direction of school and said, "Go there." ;) I don't recommend this approach.

[Melissa in Australia]

how involved were my parents?

My mother taught me to read before I started school, I was 4 when I started school ,s o she taught me before that. She did numerous spelling quizzes with me, and listened to me read my readers. through high school she proofread my assignments.

I was self motivated.

[elise1mds]

I graduated in 2000, and my parents weren't involved, either. I was much like you described your DH. My parents figured as long as I came home with good grades, there was no reason for them to be involved. My mom joined the PTO when we moved to another state when I was 9, but that was merely for her to make friends rather than to actually be involved in the school. She only went to a few meetings before giving up. I was always told I could be whatever I wanted, but I was never encouraged in anything I did other than my dad agreeing to take me to early morning band practice on his way to work each morning. We visited the public library only during the summer, and only before I started school. It was a way for my mom to get some peace and quiet while my sister and I went to reading time. The only thing my mom read to us was the Bible. Neither parent ever checked to make sure I had my homework done or had studied for tests. They DID always remind us that my mom had done a double major in college and my dad was socking away money for us to go to college as well, but that was about it.

[Element]

How involved were your parents in your education, especially if you graduated in the '70s and '80s? Did your parents read to you? Take you to the library? Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?

 

I would love to hear other thoughts and opinions on this.

 

I was born in the early 80's (graduated late 90's) into a family of early childhood educators. I would say I received 100% of my education from my mom (I attended public school, I just didn't learn anything new there) until about third or fourth grade. However, by the time I got to junior high and high school I would say my parents were not at all involved in my education. I would also agree that this was the norm for most of my classmates (including the other "teacher's kids") and most of us turned out just fine. :tongue_smilie: I was, however, very lucky to have a wonderful guidance counselor to help point me in the right direction for 8th-12th grade and pre-college planning.

Edited January 2, 2012 by Element

[elegantlion]

I graduated in 1985. My parents were not involved beyond making sure we did our homework and encouraged lots of reading. My sister and I were both good students, which I attribute to a good elementary education. My mom was very supportive, but lacked the education herself to be helpful. Dad worked second shift, so we rarely saw him.

 

The were unable and unwilling to help in anything to do with college. My sister dealt with it on her own and went. I did not. My high school guidance counselor was a joke and I really needed someone guiding me through the whole process. My sister and I had little relationship, so there was no one to help. So I quit trying and never went to college.

 

Over the years I've discussed this with my parents. My mom wishes she had helped me more so I could have attended college. I agreed with her summation, we get along great though. I don't necessarily regret not having a degree, but I do know I missed out on some career opportunities I would have taken.

 

One thing I see as a benefit of this age, is that the internet can show ds more options than I ever would have imagined.

[gingersmom]

My parents forked out the tuition for private school and then never bothered to see if I was actually doing any work.

 

My mother still does not believe that I graduated college. :confused: Everytime the subject comes up I get so unbelievably upset with her. My parents wrote checks totaling over $100,000 and no one can remember that I graduated college. Maybe its because no one bothered to come to the graduation ceremony.

 

End of my rant.

[Pretty in Pink]

I graduated in 1998. My parents were not involved at all in my education, beyond reprimanding me if I brought home anything less than an A. They never took us to the library or anything like that.

[EKS]

My parents provided a fabulous education by osmosis--highly educated themselves, read aloud, led by example, used high level vocabulary at the dinner table, that sort of thing. However, they were *very* hands off with regard to my schoolwork.

 

One of the reasons I've been so involved in my children's schoolwork (to the point of homeschooling!) is that I feel that my parents were too far removed from my schoolwork. I see now that I had some learning disabilities that could have been helped quite a bit by some input on their part.

[LisaKinVA]

My parents asked me questions, attended parent-teacher conferences, but for the most part, I was on "auto-pilot." I was the intense, driven kid. Knew pretty much what I wanted, and was intent on getting there. My parents didn't read to us much, but books were everywhere.

 

My parents and both sets of grandparents made it clear that school was important, good grades were important. They were less understanding about the various school environments. They really didn't know the difference between a good school situation and a poor one... school was school, at least until we moved from CA to GA, and then from GA to FL.

 

My mom got clued in to the fact that all schools weren't the same when my baby brother came home from 2nd grade explaining how to address an envelope. He proudly told my mom where everything went and that you had to put TWO stamps on the letter, just in case one fell off.:001_huh: My mom followed up with the teacher to make certain that's what he was told... sadly, it was.

 

When we moved to FL the following year, She had permission to homeschool my younger brothers. I came home after a rather boring sophomore year in high school... lets just say, not all honors classes are created equal, either.:glare:

 

1985 was the year I came home. We were pioneers :D

[Daisy]

My parents were very involved in my education.

 

My mom homeschooled us before we started private school. I started kindergarten when I was four and was bumped to first grade because I was already reading. My mom has a high school diploma. She actually learned phonics for the first time while teaching me. She loves to learn though and I don't think there's a subject on the planet that woman couldn't teach if she put her mind to it.

 

She did what you all would call afterschooling throughout our schooling years.

 

She was the one who said, "You can improve that opening paragraph. Grab my attention, Daisy!" She read to us. She drilled us. She went over our school work every single day. We had to show comprehension or she'd send us back to our rooms to REREAD the chapter. She was a tough taskmaster but she was a loving taskmaster too.

 

I remember my Dad staying up half the night trying to help me finish an assignment I had in 5th grade.

 

When I left for college, my parents moved to KY and homeschooled my brother from 8th grade through high school.

 

So yes, I'd say my parents were very involved and I'd say they had a tremendous impact on the education of their children.

 

My husband says the same thing. His parents were very involved in his education. His mother didn't send him to public school until first grade. She taught him to read and other kindergarten skills at home. His dad was a school teacher though so I'd expect him to be invovled. ;)

[Element]

I graduated in 1985. My parents were not involved beyond making sure we did our homework and encouraged lots of reading. My sister and I were both good students, which I attribute to a good elementary education. My mom was very supportive, but lacked the education herself to be helpful. Dad worked second shift, so we rarely saw him.

 

The were unable and unwilling to help in anything to do with college. My sister dealt with it on her own and went. I did not. My high school guidance counselor was a joke and I really needed someone guiding me through the whole process. My sister and I had little relationship, so there was no one to help. So I quit trying and never went to college.

 

Over the years I've discussed this with my parents. My mom wishes she had helped me more so I could have attended college. I agreed with her summation, we get along great though. I don't necessarily regret not having a degree, but I do know I missed out on some career opportunities I would have taken.

 

One thing I see as a benefit of this age, is that the internet can show ds more options than I ever would have imagined.

 

This (bolded) is, IMO, the single most important factor in successful public school pre-college planning. Our parents didn't need to be involved as long as we had decent guidance counselors. Without parental involvement or guidance counselor, though, I have known many people that just couldn't navigate the high school-to-college process. I guess it's different now that kids have access to the internet, but in past decades your guidance counselor was your best hope for a successful transition to college if your parents weren't particularly involved in your education.

[mommaduck]

Mine were not involved at all. It was sink or swim. I got yelled at for anything below a B. I got lectured for B's. Only A's were acceptable. Due to the pressure, being a TCK and landing in a redneck town (politics and all), and home issues, I buried myself in a book and refused to do any work. I practically lived in the public and college libraries. I gave a rat's patootie about teachers, parents, and peers. That's pretty much what it boiled down to...self-education was self-preservation. Rarely did I ask my folks anything. They laughed and told me I heard wrong when a teacher insisted that we put our ss# on the outside of our first tax form envelopes, till my husband/then boyfriend backed me up that the teacher had actually said such. They believed that anyone bullied must have done something to deserve it (even though my mother dealt with bullying also as a kid). They believed teachers over students (even if it was abusive). Yep, the school ruled. If I had a question, sometimes it was nice...ask a math question and stay up past midnight discussing everything from politics to history to culture, etc...but understanding how to work the problem still didn't happen. I was supposed to just know how to do it, how to program a computer through DOS, and how to change oil in the car through osmosis, because I lived in the same house as my stepdad. No pressure there, right? I give them credit for having an extensive vocabulary, making me own my views by playing devil's advocate, and by some of the discussions we had (even the ones where I still feel they were idiotic).

[justamouse]

My parents forked out the tuition for private school and then never bothered to see if I was actually doing any work.

 

My mother still does not believe that I graduated college. :confused: Everytime the subject comes up I get so unbelievably upset with her. My parents wrote checks totaling over $100,000 and no one can remember that I graduated college. Maybe its because no one bothered to come to the graduation ceremony.

 

End of my rant.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

This tread is making me feel old. All you young wipppersnappers. I graduated in 1990.

 

My parents expected me to go to school and try. My guidance counselors were a joke.

 

Thankfully, I loved reading, and, had I a bit more support, would have figured out sooner rather than later that I belonged in art school. That said, they DID pay for years of private art lessons and instrument rental fees. But they wrote the checks and that was about it. No guidance at all.

Edited January 2, 2012 by justamouse

[GoVanGogh]

One of the reasons I've been so involved in my children's schoolwork (to the point of homeschooling!) is that I feel that my parents were too far removed from my schoolwork.

My DH and I both have said the same thing.

 

 

As the OP, I am really surprised that so many others had parents that were not involved in your education. Guess DH and I feel like we were the only ones in the world with parents that didn't have a clue. :tongue_smilie:

It is interesting that I often hear/read that parents need to be more involved in their children's education - which I certainly agree with - but it is often said/written in a way that makes it sound like it is one of the key things missing from schools today. As if parents were involved, all students would be succeeding in school.

[JenneinCA]

I graduated high school in 1989.

 

I do not remember my parents helping me with any homework at all. But that isn't surprising since I was dropped off at school before 8:00 in the morning and didn't see my parents until they got off work and arrived home sometime after 5:30.

[*********]

I graduated highschool in 95.

 

My parents were involved in the following ways:

 

The read my report cards when they came in the mail, and I would have been punished severly had I received a grade lower than a B. Even then, I was lecutred about why I hadn't received an A.

 

Until highschool, they attended parent teacher conferences. I only heard about/was punished for any sort of less-than-positive info they recieved from them.

 

They did not take me to the library, ask what I was learning, ask how I was doing socially, help me register for the ACT/SAT, or help in ANY way regarding college.

 

I'm sure they don't know that I graduated 9th in my class of around 250 students; all they could tell you was that I was not salutitorian of my class like my sister, who graduated one year before me, was. :glare:

[*Lulu*]

My mom was what we would consider today an after-schooler. My school breaks were filled with trips to the library, educational field trips, and learning games. She provided an atmosphere of learning from the very beginning by filling my life with books. Then when I reached school age she was very involved in my education. (Meaning that while I frequently did not do home work, she always seemed to know. And if it was becoming habit, she intervened.) At one point I was in danger of failing 7th grade math and my mother, along with a very good school counselor, and the toughest, most hated math teacher in the school teamed up to change my educational future. They succeeded, and I went from almost failing math to skipping 8th grade math and advancing to honors placement high school math.

 

Although it gives her a near stroke when I say this, (since she IS a public school teacher), her influence on my learning and the volume of retained information I learned not in school, but with her, were two of the reasons we started investigating homeschooling a serious way.

[Lawana]

I graduated high school in 1977. My parents always expected that we would go to college, but did *nothing* to get us there. And despite going to a city high school highly regarded for its academics, I never once had the occasion to interact with a guidance counselor. Sure, we stood in line to have our requested schedules approved, for which we needed a signature, but I was completly ignorant that there was someone who could potentially guide me regarding which courses would be beneficial.

 

I had no idea I needed to take the ACT until I was a senior, at which time I found out most kids score better as juniors. I heard about students being National Merit semifinalists/finalists, but didn't know anything about the PSAT until just a few years ago. (Read about it on the HS board.;))

 

My parents never inquired if we had homework, never expected us to study. Even though they both had college degrees (psych and B.S.N), it was like the reality of school was all a completely foreign notion.

 

As long as I wasn't failing, all was good. They actually went to parent teacher conferences, to be told all was fine. What else do you say about a B+ student? I learned early on that B+ was the way to fly under the radar. When my brother brought home 2 or 3 terms in a row of straight A grades, he was punished. "You think you are so smart, ..." He learned to make sure he had at least one B, which was usually P.E. Then all was good.

 

Noone ever inquired about what I wanted to do with myself after hs. The only input given was that my dad didn't want me to go into nursing because he thought my mother would be threatened. In actuality, it was *him* that was threatened. He had majored in electrical engineering, but switched to psychology when the going got too tough. How ironic that both my younger brother and myself ended up earning degrees in EE.:glare:

 

Sorry this got so long. No bitterness here.

[Ali in OR]

I will agree that there has been a change in expectation of the parents' role in children's education. I am aware of public school assignments that basically assume parental help these days (5 paragraph essays in second grade, elaborate projects). My parents were not involved in our daily schoolwork, but were available for help for certain projects. My mom was a former high school English teacher and she is the one who really taught me to write. She would mark up all of my rough drafts for me. My dad helped out with science projects. I did well in school and typically never brought home any homework. I considered it a challenge to get math done during math class; while the teacher demonstrated one homework problem, I was always working out another one simultaneously. I got to class 10 minutes early to finish up the homework (and was always an A student, so could get away with these work habits!).

 

Now that I homeschool, I can wish that I had more out of my mom. She could have been a fabulous home school teacher; she was brilliant. But in many ways she was hands off. That helped all four of us kids be independent and we all have done well in life, but sometimes I dream of what it could have been like if she had taken a more direct role.

 

Oh, and this was all in the 70s and early 80s--I graduated from high school in 1984.

 

Things my parents did right:

-Smart and educated themselves

-A house filled with books

-Interesting dinner table discussions (my dad particularly drove this)

-Stimulating vacations (mostly backpack trips, but also a trip to Europe once)

-High expectations and an assumption that we would all go to college

-Understood the system to get into college

-Paid for our college educations--4 kids.

-My dad tried really hard to break our horrible t.v. habit. Instituted a nightly reading hour one year, made a removable plug for the t.v., turned it off when he came home from work, etc. I think Mom was too tired to put much effort into this battle! We watched way too much t.v.

[Daisy]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

This tread is making me feel old. All you young wipppersnappers. I graduated in 1990.

 

My parents expected me to go to school and try. My guidance counselors were a joke.

 

Thankfully, I loved reading, and, had I a bit more support, would have figured out sooner rather than later that I belonged in art school. That said, they DID pay for years of private art lessons and instrument rental fees. But they wrote the checks and that was about it. No guidance at all.

 

LOL. I graduated in 1990 also. There are plenty of folks on this board who graduated earlier than that. :tongue_smilie:

[DawnM]

very involved. When we were in the US they took me to the library, bought me books, made me read even during the summer, made sure projects got done, etc.....

 

Overseas I went to boarding school where they made us study at least 1.5 hours per night minimum, communicated with parents about grades, etc.....

 

The day I graduated from college, my dad turned to me and said, "So, where are you going to grad school?" :tongue_smilie:

 

It was expected that I finish high school, expected that I finish college, and apparently it was expected of me to finish grad school (which I did but I didn't know that until the day I graduated from college!)

 

Dawn

[TracyR]

I graduated in 1994. I was a good kid and a good student. I didn't recieve honors but I did well and the best I could. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my mother remarried to someone who was very abusive. So our life was on survival mode. How I learned though I'm not really sure other then I was self motivated. My father would buy books , I went to the library once in my life. But I read whenever I had the chance.

My father complained and compared us to his friend's kid. I don't ever remember my mother helping me once with homework ever really.

 

I wish I would of had the support to further my education growing up. I never had that so I've made two failed attempts at trying to but had circumstances come up in my life that had caused me to stop midway.

But my father was of the old school that women stayed home and took care of a family and the man worked. So when it came time for me to go to college I was denied that.

Again though during that time I had a lot going on. My mother was dying from cancer ( she passed away when I was 18) and had two young brothers to care for ( they were the sons of my stepdad), and my mother at the end of her life was going through a bad divorce as well. My life was extremely chaotic. Nothing I'd ever wish on anyone. But somewhere in there I learned enough. I'm learning more now that I'm homeschooling my children. But I'm definitely no dud. The one thing I do stress in my house is continuing education and having them make something of themselves. I encourage as much as I possibly can, and I stay involved. Now whether it really helps or not, is better, I don't know. I've seen kids that are in families that have involved parents and they don't do any better than some of the kids that don't have involved parents.

I think it really boils down to self determination and will, and maybe encouragement from the parents if they are to further their education even more.

[Lawana]

LOL. I graduated in 1990 also. There are plenty of folks on this board who graduated earlier than that. :tongue_smilie:

Ya think?

Lawana (Class of '77)

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

This tread is making me feel old. All you young wipppersnappers. I graduated in 1990.

 

 

:lol: I graduated 10 years before you did.;)

 

My mother inadvertently taught me how to read by letting me sit in on her tutoring sessions with others. Otherwise my parents left me alone. I mainly learned on my own at the one room schoolhouse I attended. We were given text books and basically went through them on our own. It esp. helped me when my brother was expelled for one year and spent the year learning at home. At night and on weekends we spent many hours playing Risk (where I learned geography), playing 4 board Monopoly (where I learned a lot of money math) etc. I learned to speed read when my older brother and I would sit reading Agatha Christie together. If I didn't get to the end of the page when he did, he'd flip the page no matter what! When I was 11, I went to boarding school and my parents were even less involved. They did pay for a first class education though and for extra curriculars.

[Farrar]

My mother was very involved when I was young. She ran Girl Scouts, volunteered at the school, and also had a small business where she taught art and cooking classes as an afterschool program. Not to mention that she also scraped the money to send me to a decent school and ferried me to the next county every single day so I could go there.

 

But in high school. Um... I think she knew where it was. She had other things on her mind, like finishing her M.Div. But I did okay.

[Daisy]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now. Kids are not learning basic manners, respect for authority, the ability to share, self-control, boundaries, etc. My husband spends a huge chuck of time just dealing with behavioral issues.

 

Teaching a child to read isn't hard. Teaching a child to stop screaming and throwing chairs when they don't get their way is hard. Especially when the parents respond with, "That doesn't happen at home because we just let Johnny have what he wants."

 

So yeah, parental involvement would be nice. I think parents were more involved when we were kids. Maybe not academically but they were involved.

[Matryoshka]

My parents, but especially my mom, were very involved in my education. I graduated high school in 1982 (I'm feeling old now!)

 

When I was preschool aged, she did tons of math games with me, and I was reading by 3. My mom taught me German starting at 8, and Spanish starting at 12 (so I could enter high school with Spanish II - middle school didn't offer it). In 7th grade, she taught me the whole year of math (got a textbook not used by the school and got them to count it - the school just gave me tests), and in 8th she lobbied to allow me to take Algebra (not offered by school - I taught myself from the textbook). My senior year of high school I had a horrible physics teacher, and she went to bat for me to get me transferred to another section halfway through the year.

 

We did tons of educational field trips, went to museums all the time, traveled extensively. She sent me to Germany twice before I was a teen, and to Mexico for a summer when I was 15. We spent 3 months traveling cross-country and back when I was 13.

 

And yes, this is the same woman who was horrified when I said I was homeschooling because she took it as an affront to her profession (yes, ps teacher :)). I tried very hard to make her understand I wanted to homeschool partly because I felt like pretty much everything I learned prior to high school was from her. She says that wasn't homeschooling or afterschooling, it was just "good parenting". :001_rolleyes:

Edited January 2, 2012 by matroyshka

[GoVanGogh]

LOL. I graduated in 1990 also. There are plenty of folks on this board who graduated earlier than that.

Mid-80s. :tongue_smilie:

 

My guidance counselors were a joke.

Our guidance counselor was a joke, too.

DH was valedictorian and never once spoke with the guidance counselor! :001_huh:

 

DH's parents were so uninvolved with his education that his mother gave him a sweatshirt from the wrong university a year after he graduated college. :tongue_smilie: :lol: She couldn't figure out why he had a stunned look on his face when he opened the package. DH's brother (a football fan) pointed it out to her. (The two state colleges are big football rivals!)

[mommaduck]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now. Kids are not learning basic manners, respect for authority, the ability to share, self-control, boundaries, etc. My husband spends a huge chuck of time just dealing with behavioral issues.

 

Teaching a child to read isn't hard. Teaching a child to stop screaming and throwing chairs when they don't get their way is hard. Especially when the parents respond with, "That doesn't happen at home because we just let Johnny have what he wants."

 

So yeah, parental involvement would be nice. I think parents were more involved when we were kids. Maybe not academically but they were involved.

 

I think that extends into other issues than how involved parents were in our education. Mine weren't involved in my education, but I sure as dickens was taught to treat other with respect, whether I felt they deserved it or not. We were also taught that we don't "get our way". We may ask or aim for something. Whether or not we got it could depend upon many factors, but simply wanting it wasn't one of them.

[WTMCassandra]

I don't have time to read all of the responses, but I have often said that my parents viewed education as a "black box." I graduated high school in 1985 and college in 1988.

 

Other than threatening me with death if I got less than an A, they never got involved at all. They were blue collar through and through and knew nothing about education or cared to learn, but they were DETERMINED that I would do the best possible job. They saw their job as working hard to earn the private Christian school tuition. Period.

 

Fortunately, I was very academic and survived the no help + incredible expectations formula. I learned early on to turn to my teachers for help, never my parents.

 

They would never take me hardly anywhere I asked, but if I did have to stay after school and miss the bus because I needed to ask a teacher for help, that was accepted without question. I do have to give them that. They also bought me the books I begged for (a LOT of them) and took me to the library every week when I begged. Being a voracious reader was the one best thing that helped me in school.

Edited January 2, 2012 by WTMCassandra

[GoVanGogh]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now.

That is what I have wondered about the comments about parental involvement. So what they really mean: They want parents to parent!

 

But in my case - I was failing in school and just pushed along. I easily could have failed - would have failed/dropped out - had it not been for my parent's being well-known in our small community. My parents *needed* to be involved in my education and they weren't. :glare:

[justamouse]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now. Kids are not learning basic manners, respect for authority, the ability to share, self-control, boundaries, etc. My husband spends a huge chuck of time just dealing with behavioral issues.

 

Teaching a child to read isn't hard. Teaching a child to stop screaming and throwing chairs when they don't get their way is hard. Especially when the parents respond with, "That doesn't happen at home because we just let Johnny have what he wants."

 

So yeah, parental involvement would be nice. I think parents were more involved when we were kids. Maybe not academically but they were involved.

 

I think you're right.

 

But, how do you fix it? It's not even ours to fix. But I totally agree. Parents are unplugged and exhausted.

[sewingmama]

My mother never read to me or had money to buy me books. However she did take me to the library regularly.

 

When I was in first grade and bought home my first homework she told me "Well you will have homework for the rest of your school life so just get used to it" and that was it.

 

She never helped me do homework or checked that I did it or asked if I had studied for tests.

 

In high school I chose all my own courses - she didn't even know what they were till I got my report card and would say "Oh I didn't know you were taking that " :D

 

I chose my own University and applied all on my own.

 

My mum did come to all my school events such as plays and graduations bit the academics were all my own responsibilty since the first grade.

 

Didn't hurt me one bit to not have parental input or direction I still got into law school and my brother became an architect.

 

I'm beginning to think I need to loosen my grip on controlling my kids academics so much and letting them have at least equal or more input even from a young age.

[jennynd]

Not really, And I am glade they back off.

I have a bone head personality and like to do opposite. I came from Taiwan so it is extremely rare that a parents not involved.

I ended graduated top of the class and came to US with scholarship. I think my parents are very wise and really know me to allow me to find my own path.

[sewingmama]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now. Kids are not learning basic manners, respect for authority, the ability to share, self-control, boundaries, etc. My husband spends a huge chuck of time just dealing with behavioral issues.

 

Teaching a child to read isn't hard. Teaching a child to stop screaming and throwing chairs when they don't get their way is hard. Especially when the parents respond with, "That doesn't happen at home because we just let Johnny have what he wants."

 

So yeah, parental involvement would be nice. I think parents were more involved when we were kids. Maybe not academically but they were involved.

 

 

It's not only behavioural issues though - teachers also need parents who pay attention if their kids are failing. If a child is having a hard time learning to read they need parents who are willing to do extra practice and work with the child at home or maybe get them some extra tutoring.

 

My DH is a teacher - it is very common that he contacts a parent to let them know their child is failing a subject and the parents reply is "So why are you telling me -you're the teacher - it's your job to get them to pass" which it is to some extent but if the parent is not ensuring the kid is turning in assignments or doing their homework or getting extra help that they need it is pretty hard for the teacher to help on his own.

[KrissiK]

Back in the 70's and 80's when I was in school (graduated hs in '86) I was a good student, so my parents weren't involved at all. They just sent me to school. I'm sure if I got bad grades they'd have something to say about it, though.

[gardenmom5]

My mother was not invovled. when I didn't understand something, she took the tack of how unreasonable the teachers were instead of helping me understand. (she tried that with my own children - I had to keep her out of their education).

 

granted, I had learning disabilities, and likely was HFASD (boy does it fit. My sister also thinks she was). definitely had sensory issues that all had a negative impact as well.

 

as an adult, I can look back and see my mother was dealing with mental illness as well as being overwhelmed by life in general after my father's death leaving her with two very rebellious teens.

[kiana]

It's not only behavioural issues though - teachers also need parents who pay attention if their kids are failing. If a child is having a hard time learning to read they need parents who are willing to do extra practice and work with the child at home or maybe get them some extra tutoring.

 

My DH is a teacher - it is very common that he contacts a parent to let them know their child is failing a subject and the parents reply is "So why are you telling me -you're the teacher - it's your job to get them to pass" which it is to some extent but if the parent is not ensuring the kid is turning in assignments or doing their homework or getting extra help that they need it is pretty hard for the teacher to help on his own.

 

Hmm, but in essence I think this is also a lack of parenting. Any of my friends who are teachers, when calling to inform of a child not passing, also have a concrete list of things that the kid needs to do -- i.e. failing because she doesn't know her Spanish verbs, needs to review them with flashcards, failing because she struggles with fractions and I'll provide worksheets if she'll do them, etc.

[AngieW in Texas]

My parents were not involved at all except for signing my report cards. The exception was that in high school we had to have our research papers typed. My mother wasn't about to let me near her typewriter, so she typed for me. I had to have it handwritten and sit next to her while she was typing in case she couldn't read my writing.

 

I was a good student though. Getting a bad grade on anything made me feel horrible. I could barely look the teacher in the eye afterwards. I felt bad for disappointing any of my teachers that way.

[kalanamak]

I read a list of 20 things a parent should do to make their child succeed. My folks did ONE (read themselves). No special study place, no checking homework, nada, nothing. All six kids either did grad school or professional school, with the "smartest" of the bunch going to Georgetown Law and the "dummy"* to the 75th %ile ranked med school. They didn't say a word when I dropped out of high school. Not one word. They never whispered a goal to us. No comment at all on our college choices.

 

Our education was our responsibility. (I hope I have the guts to be so laid-back.)

 

All they did was set an example of work and joy of learning.

 

*not that they ever ranked us. This is my ranking, and I'm the dummy.

[bettyandbob]

I graduated in 83. My dad went to every back to school night. He went to all school events (award nights, etc). He picked my schedule through middle and high school. He went to school when my schedule was not to his liking in 8th grade and argued with the counselor until she changed it (counselor was unaware of high school math sequence and unaware of what I needed to take in 8th grade to be ready). He made sure I took PSAT and SAT tests. He knew college entrance requirements and reviewed my college applications. I did end up attending a very competitive public ivy.

 

I think being monitored helped, but I also think my father was too controlling. I try to handle stuff a little differently with my kids.

[chepyl]

My parents were pretty involved. They helped us with homework, studied for tests with us, and read to is when we were little. My mom was on tue board of the Friends of the Library until I was in Jr high. She was president for two years. We wejt to the library a lot! We met Bill Wallace and had all of our books signed by him. They are still some of my favorites. We also went to the book sale every year. She would come home from working it with a box of books. Mom and Dad read all the time, and we never lacked good books.

 

In 6th grade my mom dropped my best friend and I off at the library once a week, we had a study carrol reserved. We checked out books and did research for school.

 

We learned very quickly to always have something we learned to share at dinner. Every night my dad asked what we learned that day. If we said, "nothing" or "I don't know," he gave us an assignment. We liked up events in the encyclopedia, words in the dictionary, and current events in the paper. If we asked what a word meant, we were sent to the dictionary.

 

My dad spent hours helping me study for my first final exams in 6th grade.

 

We were also paid for good grades. $10 per A and $5 per B. I had many $80 report card days. He knew how to motivate us ;)

 

My mom stayed up late with me to type my papers before I could type fast. She would watch me painfully type a paragraph and then decide I would he up too late.

 

I graduated with honors, fifth in my class.

 

Our school also had an amazing counselor. In our sophomore year she met with every student and their parents. We discussed the whole process before it ever began. I am so thankful for that service. She made everything so easy!

 

I graduated in 1997.

[Audrey]

Mine were very involved. Mom more so than Dad, but both were always there for all teacher conferences, recitals, games, etc. At home, they were both available for our homework time after supper and each would help with any and all subjects. They engaged with us regularly to ask what homework or projects we had to do, how we'd done on test and papers, and kept on top of our report cards, as well.

 

Most kids I knew had a parent or parents like this when I was in school. Certainly not all of them, but I could confidently say that the greater majority did.

 

FWIW, I was a natural good student, but had a bereft social life. Nearly all subjects came quite easily to me, but I isolated myself purposely. My brother struggled greatly with academics, but excelled in relationships and athletics. Our parents expended equal amounts of efforts with both of us, just aiming it in different directions. My brother and I are eternally grateful for our parents attention and we both strive to give the same to our own children.

Edited January 2, 2012 by Audrey

[Heather in Neverland]

I graduated in 1988. My parents were not involved in my education whatsoever other than my mom telling me that I must go to college so I dont have to rely on a man to support me.

 

I was a 4.0 student and I graduated college with highest honors and I have two master's degrees. I love my parents but none of that is due to their influence. They didn't go to conferences, didn't check my report card, didn't ask if I had homework. The only reason I did well was that I was self-motivated.

 

My two brothers are not self-motivated and neither of them did well in school or went to college and both of them are not very successful today.

 

It is strange that this thread is coming up now. I was just thinking about this as I try to navigate high school and college options for my ds in the future. I did everything for myself and I am sure there was so much more I could have done to help myself out financially for college but I just didn't know what to do as a 17yo and parents didn't help. So I graduated with loads of student loans.

 

I will not do that to my child.

[*********]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now. Kids are not learning basic manners, respect for authority, the ability to share, self-control, boundaries, etc. My husband spends a huge chuck of time just dealing with behavioral issues.

 

Teaching a child to read isn't hard. Teaching a child to stop screaming and throwing chairs when they don't get their way is hard. Especially when the parents respond with, "That doesn't happen at home because we just let Johnny have what he wants."

 

So yeah, parental involvement would be nice. I think parents were more involved when we were kids. Maybe not academically but they were involved.

 

Daisy, I think you hit the nail on the head. I couldn't agree more with everything you said, except the bolded part. :D That is SO not true for my family at least. And I'm not sure I feel it's true in general, either. But yeah, I think what teachers are saying is parents need to, you know, PARENT.

[fenni]

I graduated in 1993, first in my class, and my parents were not involved in my education other than attending parent teacher conferences each year. My sibs were anywhere from A-C students.

[HeidiKC]

Very interesting thread - I often wonder about the level of parental involvement I see with homework. It seems to me like too much. But I think part of the difference is that when most of us were growing up, we didn't have miuch homework during elementary school - and certainly not in 1st grade. I went to a public school until 5th grade, and never remember any homework at all other than studying for spelling tests. In 5th grade I switched to a Catholic school, and we did have homework. Now my kids come home from school in 1st grade having math homework. Even though it is only 10 minutes, you've definitely got to at least remind a first grader to come sit down for homework. At that age I feel it is important to make sure they are doing neat work (setting habits), so I keep an eye on that and make comments.

 

By the time I had homework in 5th grade, I was an age where I was fairly responsible, obviously knew how to write and do math, and had been doing it for years at school already. I didn't need supervision the way a 1st grader does. I think it's hard to avoid helping younger kids at all. So I think parents sort of get into the habit of overseeing homework since it begins at such a young age now. And the schools expect the parents of children that age to be involved. I think the expectations of the schools and the parents' habit of involvement just continue over the years.

 

I also think that parents in general are so much more involved in kids' lives than they were a generation ago. I am sure my mom never arranged a playdate for me! We had neighbors we played with, and once in a while I had a friend over from school when I asked. Birthday parties (if we had them) were no big deal. Cake and a few games. I also suspect that parents didn't spend as much time as we do thinking about our kids' development socially and academically, their character, etc. And I think homework/school just figures into all of this. It's somewhat just part of parents being more directly involved in their children's lives. I know this doesn't apply to all parents, but many.

 

As for myself (1984 grad), my mom read to us a lot, even when I was in high school. I remember her taking us to the library some, but not as often as I take my kids. I mostly remember walking there in the summer when I was a bit older. I don't remember my parents ever reminding me to study (they didn't need to, though) and they didn't check up on my homework. I do remember often asking my mom for help with writing papers, and sometimes they'd TRY to help with math (didn't work too well once I got to high school). But they helped only when I asked.

 

It was definitely expected that I would go to college, and I never even knew a future could exist for me that might include NOT going. I didn't get much help from them or from my school as far as figuring out where to go to college or what to study, etc. But it all worked out!

 

Back to sign of the times...I find it interesting that my brother who is 7 years younger than I am had a bit of a different experience. He and I both scored the same on the SAT, but my parents paid for him to take the Princeton Review to score higher the next time. They also flew to several cities to visit colleges with him. But I think it was just that things were beginning to change. No one heard of the Princeton Review (or anything similar) when I was in school. Never heard of people re-taking the SAT/ACT. You got what you got! Very few of my friends actually travelled to visit colleges. Now it seems like most high school students and their parents travel to visit several colleges, even if they are pretty sure they'll go to their local state university!