Why do some women have issues with getting older and others don't?

[fairfarmhand]

I was talking to my 2 sister in law's at Thanksgiving. They are both within 5 yrs of my age and I am 32. One turned 30 last week and the other will be 28 soon and the two of them have both agonized over being 30 or close to 30. They hate it.

 

It hasn't really bothered me. It's just another birthday. My dh and most everyone else tells me that I look around 25. Maybe getting older will bother me more once I look older.

 

Perhaps the agony comes in because they are more "hip" and into popular culture, fashion, and style than I am. I am a farm gal. My family doesn't even have regular TV. Could that be it?

 

Or could it be that I have watched my mother slowly die over the last 5 years and that has changed me?

 

Seriously, I like who I am at 32 MUCH better than who I was at age 20. Of course I don't look quite so cute anymore, but I think the exchange was worth it. I am happy with who I have become and where I am in life. Much happier than I was in my twenties.

 

Anyway, the question is. Does reaching particular milestone ages (30, 40, etc.) bother you? Why or why not? I really want to understand their viewpoints.

 

So help me out.

[cathmom]

I turned 40 recently and it didn't bother me. I don't care who knows my age. My mom is the same way. Now, my mil is completely different. My dh, when I met him, didn't even know how old his mom was - she doesn't want anyone to know.

 

The difference between my mom and my mil is that my mil is really into fashion and clothing and dyes her hair and my mom is not. So maybe that's a part of it.

 

I like clothes, but nowhere near to the extent mil does. I do dye my hair, but then I did before it started getting gray also. I just like having red hair.

[kwickimom]

Turning 30 killed me and I cant even think of 40. I dont know why. It sounds soo much older than 20. I think the fact that I was married with a kid at 24 and then had 2 more makes me feel older at 30 than some.

 

I loved 28. I was still a young mom then. Now, I am in my 30's and I just dont like the sound of it.

[Denisemomof4]

I have never understood women who won't share their age and dread turning another year older. I think we are all lucky to keep adding another year to our lives.

 

I always looked much younger for my age. People were shocked when I turned 40. Nobody who wasn't close to me believed me! While I'm MUCH more comfortable in my skin now than I've ever been, our family has been thrown so many stressful trials in the past several years. These have aged me tremendously. I now feel I look at least my age or older. I will be 49 in June and I can't WAIT to turn 50!!! I look forward to it!

[amy g.]

I like getting older. My wrinkles are proof that I have an expressive face. My sagging booKs and tummy are my medal of honor for carrying and nursing 5 beautiful children.

 

I can not even IMAGINE ever wanting cosmetic surgery, but I have friends who have done it.

 

I look forward to getting even older and grayer and fluffier. I hope to be sitting right here reading to a grandchild in 10 years or so. What could be better?

[amo_mea_filiis.]

When I was driving an ambulette I saw a lot of older people. Many were happy to have reached their age (one woman turned 102 while I was working there!), but others tried to hide it.

 

The women who tried to hide their ages were the ones who were all "done up" to go to daycare. This one woman would never share her age (I knew because of certain info we had to have) and always had on a ton of make up, too much perfume, and tons of accessories.

 

The woman who turned 102 was very happy to share her stories, always laughed when I reminded her of her age, and thought it was amazing that she was that old.

 

Other than fashion, maybe it has to do with quality of life, or things achieved by x age? It seems that the people who led full, happy lives were happier and more willing to brag their age then the people who maybe didn't accomplish as much as they'd wanted to.

[DarlaS]

I think for some people, it's a handy thing to sit and gripe about. Since we have no control over it, it's something we all have in common. Good for small talk--which, for some people, is mostly complaining about something.

[Daisy]

I like getting older. My wrinkles are proof that I have an expressive face. My sagging booKs and tummy are my medal of honor for carrying and nursing 5 beautiful children.

 

I can not even IMAGINE ever wanting cosmetic surgery, but I have friends who have done it.

 

I look forward to getting even older and grayer and fluffier. I hope to be sitting right here reading to a grandchild in 10 years or so. What could be better?

 

:iagree: Exactly! I love my gray hair.

 

I imagine it is like anything else. Some people are content and some are not.

[Punchie]

I'm 31 and getting older doesn't bother me. In fact, I've been wanting to be 30 since I was in high school. Mainly b/c when you're a teen you're just dumb. Then when you're in your 20's your still kind of dumb, figuring things out, and making mistakes. By the time you're 30, you should (in theory) have things sorted out - family, job, home - and are stable. I would have loved to have skipped the intervening years of stupidity. I love being in my 30's. It's great. My outlook is that each decade gets better. That's how my mom looks at it, so maybe that's why I do too.

[coffeegal]

I think the fact that I was married with a kid at 24 and then had 2 more makes me feel older at 30 than some.

 

 

IDK, I was married with a kid at 24 also and always felt younger. It's likely because dh and most of my friends with children the ages of my oldest 3 are all a few years older then me. I'm young in comparison. ;) Must admit that I'm not thrilled about turning 40 and would love to be carded again. :lol:

[SKL]

I remember what it was for me. When I was young, I made a mental list of goals I wanted to meet by age 30. They included having a family. At 30 I was nowhere close to that goal. I also had a job where the folks over 30 were often in management positions, and I was still looking for my niche. (Making manager at age 30 or 31 was a relief, but it felt late.)

 

So I think some women view age 30 as the time when life should be pretty well established and organized. If that isn't the case (and it usually isn't, realistically), then there is discouragement.

 

Turning 40 was a million times better than 30.

 

I don't think it's necessarily looks, at least for some people. I think the only people who are bothered by the way age "looks" are those who look older than they are (and those for whom appearance is relevant to their career). I am 45 and I look about 45 and I'm really fine with that. Glad, actually. If I looked 55, I might not like that.

[J-rap]

What I've noticed is that -- in general -- people who have content natures and are comfortable with who they are don't seem to mind getting older.

[fairfarmhand]

Turning 30 killed me and I cant even think of 40. I dont know why. It sounds soo much older than 20. I think the fact that I was married with a kid at 24 and then had 2 more makes me feel older at 30 than some.

 

I loved 28. I was still a young mom then. Now, I am in my 30's and I just dont like the sound of it.

 

 

I was married with a kid at 18. By the time I was thirty I had FOUR children! Perhaps I am just too tired to care???

[Night Elf]

I'm 43 and do not like being in this age bracket just quite yet. Of course, by the time I do get used to it, I'll be in my 50s. It has nothing to do with my looks. My issue is my actual functionality. I'm at risk for medical issues that never occurred to me before my 40s. My metabolism has slowed down and I can no longer eat the way I used to eat. I am afraid of being old and unable to care for myself. I am sad that my kids are growing up and will move out and begin their own families (may or may not include children). I'm close to a new season of life and it feels like the last phase. I do not have any hobbies or major interests that make getting older appealing. Like some people wish they could devote more time to their gardening or they want to travel. I'm fairly certain that I will be the same person I am today -- a homebody who likes to play games on the computer. I'm losing some of my coordination for video games and fast moving games makes my stomach hurt. I will be most unhappy if I can't play games. My eyesight is already degenerating. I cannot read anything without my prescription reading glasses. I don't feel like I process things mentally as quickly as I used to do either.

 

I cried on my 25th birthday because it meant I was a quarter of a century old. My birthdays since then are okay but nothing that excites me. I have no idea how I will feel when I turn 50. My DH is 53 and I definitely see changes in him that I attribute to his age. I just know it's inevitable. Oh, and I won't even start about my fear of death. Egads!

[momofkhm]

I'll be 42 in a few weeks. I don't remember 30 bothering me. I know 40 didn't bother me! I don't mind my age. I don't mind people knowing my age.

 

I had my first kid at 24, second at 27, third at 30. Which is a lot younger than most of my friends. Most friends are at least 5 years older than I am. I wonder if that's why I feel young.

 

My internal picture of myself is from when I was in my 20's. I want to grow old gracefully. I can't imagine plastic surgery. I don't want to dye my hair. (Ask my in another 5-10 years about the hair though. :tongue_smilie: )

[Danestress]

but I think some women (and men) just fail to recognize what is coming at them. It's like we are all sitting on train tracks having a picnic, and half of the people recognize that we are going to get mowed down, and the other half are arguing about whether the deviled eggs should have less sweet relish.

 

Here is what happens. You get old. Your skin goes to h@ll. No matter what you do, at 75, you will look really bad compared to any 45 year old you know. You will reach an age where it will seem ridiculous to try to be pretty, and you will never turn a man's head again. Something will always hurt. You and your sil can't begin to understand at 30 how it will feel to turn 70. You haven't even started a decline. Women are at their best in their 30s.

 

Your husband will also get old. It's very likely that you will be taking care of him, and either or both of you will start to lose it mentally. The chances that I will have Alzheimer's are very high, but even if that doesn't run in your family, it's pretty common. You will be making Tea with a 75 year old dude someday.

 

How can people not care about getting old? I'm fine LOOKING old. I let my grey hair grow out, and I look every one of my 44 years. No big deal to me. I don't mind looking older. I think people are nicer to you when you look older. But what I do mind is suffering.

 

I have 40 or so years left, and while they will hopefully include the birth of grandchildren, happy marriages, successes and joy, they will also include the death of my mother and MIL, whom I adore. I have already buried my father. For the rest of my life, I will not have a father. There could be deaths of young people too, suffering, car wrecks, financial crisis, heart ache. I find it scary to think about all the hard things that might happen, let alone the hard things that I know absolutely WILL happen.

 

So I guess to me, women who are concerned about crows feet are being silly. But people who aren't concerned at all about the passage of time are equally silly. We can not fight time. It will always win. But I do think we should be focused on the condition of our souls, because sorrow likes sea billows WILL roll.

[mommyagain]

My age never bothered me until I turned 50. It has nothing to do with looks. I think it bothers me more because my youngest was born when I was 49 (adopted, I didn't give birth at 49! :eek:), and I sometimes obsessively think about how young my kids will be when they lose their mother.

[kalanamak]

I was talking to my 2 sister in law's at Thanksgiving. They are both within 5 yrs of my age and I am 32. One turned 30 last week and the other will be 28 soon and the two of them have both agonized over being 30 or close to 30. They hate it.

 

 

It is expected, like talking about the weather, saying "Wasn't that a game!" after the superbowl, and cooing over a baby. It is a common lament.

 

Once your face is 50, and you won't pass for 25 even on a dark night, then the "oh, I have a hitch in my git-along" and "my diabetes is acting up again" starts. A wee bit older and the "guess who died" starts.

 

Ask me how I know.

[amy g.]

I guess I understand that all of life has difficult moments. My youth wasn't care free. My mother is mentally I'll. My stepfather was abusive. I have already buried my father and one niece and one nephew.

 

dh and I have been through floods and moves and miscarriages together. I'm not at all afraid of what lies ahead.

 

Every stage of my life has included tragedy and brilliant shining moments of perfection. I know I will make the best of the challenges of growing old and I will relish my moments of glory.

 

If you think that is silly, just rename me the village idiot.

[fairfarmhand]

I guess I understand that all of life has difficult moments. My youth wasn't care free. My mother is mentally I'll. My stepfather was abusive. I have already buried my father and one niece and one nephew.

 

dh and I have been through floods and moves and miscarriages together. I'm not at all afraid of what lies ahead.

 

Every stage of my life has included tragedy and brilliant shining moments of perfection. I know I will make the best of the challenges of growing old and I will relish my moments of glory.

 

If you think that is silly, just rename me the village idiot.

 

I love this attitude. While life IS hard, it is also exceedingly beautiful. I am blessed. I hope I can keep that perspective as I age.

[Danestress]

If you think that is silly, just rename me the village idiot.

 

that is it silly to be brave in the face of the future and all it can include or to embrace life, even knowing it will include suffering. I guess I didn't put that right.

 

I am not sure I will put it right, though, if I try again, lol. Let me think on it.

[smilesonly]

I think those feelings/outlook are rooted in their mothers and how they were raised to view aging.

[DusksAngel]

I know I had a hard time when I turned 27. Most of the issue was that I had always had this idea of what my life would be like at that age, and reality wasn't even close. Once I let go of that idea of perfection, I enjoy getting older. I love the person I am now at 34 so much more than the person I was 10 years ago. I look forward to what I'll be like at 40.

 

I agree that some of the issue comes from how our mothers act about it. I think my mother is beautiful and a very strong person. She doesn't. I realized several years ago that I was becoming like that too and have really worked at changing how I see myself. I have flaws but I also have amazing strengths too.

[Julie in CA]

Disappointment with who I am, and the realization that if I haven't been able to fix the stuff by now, it's likely I never will. I haven't learned how to actually carry out having a fit body, and speaking of bodies...when I was younger (before 5 babies in 7 years and an extra 100 lbs. :eek:) I was pretty. When I was in my 30's, I was overweight, but at least I had really nice hair and skin. Now I'm mid-40's, and I don't even have the nice hair & skin any more. I'm just an obese, wrinkly woman who's trying to adjust to the reality that I've failed and am unlikely to ever do the right thing for my physical self.

 

Because I've been too lazy/stupid to carry out the advice about diet/exercise/weight, I'm having some physical problems that are not going to be pleasant as I get older. I cringe when I think of what my dc will face in taking care of me, if indeed I do live to an age where they'll have to care for my physical needs.

 

I still haven't learned to keep my surroundings clean & pleasant, and although I still have some hope for the idea that when my dc are all grown & done homeschooling that I'll find the time/energy/ambition to get things all tidied up, the reality is that just like my weight, I'm now probably too old to suddenly become a different person who has a personality that is on top of keeping things clean.

 

Me at mid-40's is really kind of a disappointment, and though I have no one to blame but myself, the fact remains that people my age don't seem to ever carry out drastic and permanent change.

 

I don't mind the trappings of turning 40 or 50, and the birthday itself doesn't bother me. It's not even really vanity for me, I don't think. It's simply disappointment in myself and my seeming inability to do the right thing on so many fronts. My dh is 5 years older than I am, and aging very gracefully. He could toss me aside at any moment for a person who looks better and would probably keep her surroundings looking pleasant. No, lol, he's definitely not the type of person that would do so, but that almost makes me sadder. He's stuck with me. :001_huh:

 

Yeah...some therapy might be helpful for me, but then again, I don't personally know anyone who's actually changed via therapy, so even that doesn't seem like the answer. :glare:

 

As for why other women don't have a problem with getting older, I guess maybe they are either better at successfully carrying out positive change, or they've learned to not really care about the stuff they don't do well. I tend to be a perfectionist, and getting older doesn't seem fun.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Julie in CA

[JennyD]

I'm with Danestress. It's not the looking older, it's the peering into the abyss.

[Desert Rat]

I turned 40 this year. I don't mind being 40. My boss made this big deal out of it and thought I would be so upset. I kept reassuring her that it's a privilege many don't get, being 40. She had such a terrible time when she hit major milestones. I'm happy where I am. I'm happy with how my life is turning out.

I'm not happy with gravity and the affect it has on my body, but that's my only complaint. :)

I guess I became aware of how lucky I was when I read Little House on the Prairie books and they talked about Scarlet Fever and how devestating it was. I've had it twice. 150 years ago I probably wouldn't have made it. That puts things in perspective!

[Parrothead]

30 did not bother me. 34 did somewhat because when I was a child I thought the year 2000 seemed so far away and I turned 34 that year. It was a hold over from childhood.

 

I did okay with 40 and 45 and with the help of a good surgeon I'll be looking forward to 50. ;)

[HappyCrazyMama]

I'm going to be 40 in a couple weeks, it doesn't really bother me. Studies show people with more birthdays live longer.:D I'm a farm girl too and I was a young mom, had my first at 19 and now am a old mom had my last (most likely :D) at 38. I like to look neat and clean which to me usually means dressed, lol, so I'm not worried about fashion or looking youthful much. I do sometimes have similar worries as Danestress, thinking about what I call the winter of my life. I've lost two of my grandparents, my maternal grandmother is still alive but I think about half of her 8 siblings have died. My father died when I was a child but my dh's parents are all still alive and my mom and step dad. Of course if I live on I will see them pass eventually. I don't mind growing old, I want to grow old but I don't want to lose anyone.:( A couple of our friends have died already and loss is just so hard, I can't imagine losing our parents.:(

[Julie Smith]

I have never understood women who won't share their age.

 

At times I didn't like sharing my age. But for a embarrassing reason. I would not remember my age. I would have to say, "I'm 31, or 32. Oh I don't know."

 

It was nice turning 30 for one reason. It was easy to remember that I was now 30. But those years between big numbers, they just sort of blend together. I remember thinking "I'm 27, or 28, maybe 29. But I don't think so. Well somewhere around there".

[Night Elf]

I think those feelings/outlook are rooted in their mothers and how they were raised to view aging.

 

I realize I'm only one particular person, but this isn't the case for me. I don't ever remember my mom having issues with getting older. She loves her birthdays and is very bothered if we don't celebrate them. She has said that each decade she gains she feels better and better about herself. She says that life is life and the present is what matters most. She doesn't fear dying because the end is the end and it won't matter to her at that point anyway. I *wish* I had her attitude about aging. :)

[Danestress]

Is that it is somehow jarring for me to read a bunch of women in their 30s and 40s claiming that it isn't all that sad to get older. I spend a lot of time with women in their 70s. I think we have to give other women plenty of grace when they are sad about aging. Sometimes they really are upset about the stupid crows feet. But other times, the crows feet are just the way deeper issues of aging are being looked at.

 

It simply IS sad sometimes to be old. You hurt. Your husband is dead, or you are caregiving for him in ways that are painful. Your friends have died, your sister has cancer, your children live in Singapore. Whatever. There can be great joy too, but none of us have a hard time indulging joy. We love when older people have joy, but get sort of nervous when they express psychic pain.

 

I just feel like when a woman expresses sorrow over aging, a little of that should be indulged because anyone who is really thinking seriously should understand that aging can be a very hard path to walk down. When a young man goes off to war we don't all say, "Oh please, war is great. You will love this. Think about all the awesome parts." Even though many older men will say that those war years were formative, important, and in some ways, GOOD years, and even though their war stories are treasured. We understand that the young man is scared of hurting and dying.

 

A 75 year old woman is walking into something hard. People she loves are suffering and dying. Family can be far away. It's a battle, and she's 100% sure to die from it. It's tempting to try to always tell her to look at the bright side, but sometimes I think we need to all recognize that there is a very bleak side, and that we are all going to walk into it someday.

 

I guess on some level, dwelling on what is hard about aging is the way that I create some sympathy for the women I love who are actually old. And I probably spend more time with old people than other women my age do. If I block out that recognition of how painful and hard it can be, if I insist that it won't be hard for me and I am not afraid of it, then I can't empathize as well.

[TravelingChris]

I love getting older. Several reasons why= number one, I was old as a teenager. What that means is my interests even as a teen were more like older adults and in most social groups I have been in- I am still always the youngest person there (or my dh is). Number two- I wasn't expected to survive infanthood- I am grateful for every year I get older. Number three- I had chronic diseases of older people at a much younger age- I am still almost always the youngest person in most of the doctors;' offices I visit and it will be nice when I am not such an odd ball. Number four- I am really looking forward to reaching age 55, I think. I will be eligible to do several more things I want to do then like attend interesting courses and go on day trips geared for people with some mobility issues like I have had for 18 years already.

 

I am 48, and people think I look younger. Oh, and since I lost so much choices of activities at around age 30 and a few more last year, I am not scared of the infirmities of old age. I have already come to terms with those losses many years ago. Very few additional ones happened last year and some are just beneficial- I can't wash sharp objects. I don't think I will get Alzheimer's because no previous relatives did and I don't think my dh will either for the same reason.

[Perry]

I'm with Danestress. It's not the looking older, it's the peering into the abyss.

:iagree:

 

Although I'm not thrilled with the wrinkles and droopy eyelids either.

[butterflymommy]

My childhood and young adult life were so painful and sad that getting older has been a treat.

 

The only thing I dread is losing my fertility. I love being pregnant and having babies. I spent the morning trying to convince myself not to have anymore but I always get baby fever worse than anyone I've ever known. :sad:

 

My main fears revolve around health/ mobility/ functionality/ vision issues. If I can remain somewhat fit, healthy, and able to see well enough to keep driving, I'm ok with aging. But it is a sad thing, even if you don't mind it, because each year creeps us closer to death and being taken away from our children.

[TravelingChris]

Damestress, I wasn't dismissing grief about losing loved ones. I also had that early since my dad died at my age of 13, my mom when I was 23, and my only sister when I was 34. I can definitely empathize with someone suffering such loss. I can also empathize with someone having a painful condition or losing use of some of their prior abilities. But I am not unrealistic at all when I say I look forward to growing older. Since I have lived with old age problems at a young age (arthritis, falls, blood clotting issues, breathing issues, eye problems, etc, etc) I do know how I will be.

 

For example, I sometimes vent a bit about the time I am in right now, late perimenopause, I believe. It isn't a pleasant time for me or for most women. But even here I see blessings- hopefully it will be over soon and my migraines will almost completely go away since they are mostly hormonally based. With living with chronic diseases, you have a choice- give in to resentment, grief, despair, etc, or start looking for blessings. The one benefit I have of getting very painful back and neck and shoulder muscle spasms is that I can't do leaf raking. SO others have to do it.Now if I did have to do leaf raking, I would look at the blessings of being able to enjoy the outdoors, finding interesting things as I rake and gather, and contemplate how I will improve my landscape. Oh, and I am not an optimist- I really am a realist which means that optimists see me as a pessimist. But even though I can see lots of problems ahead for both myself and our country, mostly I am currently focusing on good things since that makes me happier and thus more productive.

[joannqn]

Turning 30 bothered me for two years before and after. I know exactly why it bothered me: I felt like my life up to this point has been wasted. I feel like I'm running out of time to have a happy, fulfilling life, yet I don't know how to have a happy, fulfilling life. I'm just surviving one day at a time.

[elise1mds]

I'm with Danestress. It's not the looking older, it's the peering into the abyss.

 

That's a big part of it for me. My 30th birthday is coming up in a couple of months, and I really am not happy about it. I don't have definite plans for my future, which really bugs me, and I can't quite reconcile the feelings of discomfort to be okay with being another decade older (maybe that's it... maybe we feel like we've aged 10 years instead of one? That milestone might have something to do with it... "Oh, you're entering another DECADE. Isn't that lovely?" :tongue_smilie:). DH has started asking me what I want to do to celebrate, and I don't WANT to celebrate. I want it to be just another day and get it over with.

 

It also bothers me that everyone is SHOCKED when they hear I'm not 30 yet. I look older. Always have. When I was 18, married, and working as a reporter, people could tell I was 'young' but they guessed about 10 years older than my true age. I never got carded. My kids don't know my real age but seem to suspect I'm in my mid- to late 30s. So by the time I'm 40, I'll probably look about 50... or older. Heck, I already have mild arthritis symptoms. I don't wear make-up every day and don't really care about fashion, so that theory as to why age bugs some women doesn't apply.

 

I really would love to age gracefully. I want to have a long gray braid that hangs down my back and have lots of projects going and friends to hang out with. I don't want to put on pancake makeup to hide my well-earned wrinkles. I can tell myself that age is a number. And I probably won't even really CARE when I actually do turn 30. It's just the idea of facing the past and the future and realizing that I haven't come nearly as far as I wanted (realistic or not, feelings are feelings and they tend to surface at the most inopportune times) or had planned by this age... ugh. I'll get my gray braid, though... I've had gray in my hair since I was 14.

[ereks mom]

Perhaps the agony comes in because they are more "hip" and into popular culture, fashion, and style than I am.

 

I think you answered your own question. I think it's that old middle school mentality rearing its ugly head: they want to be "cool" and "popular". My SIL is like this. She spends hours at the gym every day, goes to the tanning salon, dyes her hair "peroxide blonde", wears skirts and shorts that are WAY too short, jeans that are WAY too tight, and even had breast augmentation surgery last year. She spends a ton of money on shoes and clothes and having her hair done, etc. She's 6 years younger than I am, yet one time when we went to the fair together, the "Age Guesser Guy" guessed that she was a lot older than she actually is, and guessed that I was younger than I actually am--younger, in fact, than SIL.

Edited December 7, 2011 by ereks mom

[Ohdanigirl]

Who knows?

 

I turned 33 on Saturday, and I was fine about it. I know some people freak about the 0's (30, 40...) I didn't have a problem when I turned 30 either. In fact, I felt great. At 30, I felt I was able to carry myself better than when I was younger, and I had a greater confidence in myself overall.

 

My sis, on the other hand, took it hard when she hit 30, and I imagine she will when she hits 40. Cada cabeza es un mundo...... Or every head is a World. Basically something different is going on inside everyone's mind. We all think, react, and see things differently.

 

Danielle

[catz]

I am 41. I've enjoyed every age. Really, what is the option? I could stress about it, but I might as well enjoy where I'm at. I'm actually much more comfortable in my own skin than I was in my 20's, which is a good thing in my book. I am very fulfilled in every way. I'd love a little more alone time, but we're getting there. :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

Now, now, lets not make fun of how each of us deals with our own mortality a character flaw. Some of us go gentle into that good night, and some of us Do Not.

 

I think we if we start making fun of cousin Sally who wants to fight off aging tooth, nail, and bottle blond, we need to know she wasn't the first to engage in all matter of activitiy that might allow for immortality.

 

Maybe another round of (pre-TV) Ancients for all. :D

[greenvneck]

Disappointment with who I am, and the realization that if I haven't been able to fix the stuff by now, it's likely I never will.

 

Because I've been too lazy/stupid to carry out the advice about diet/exercise/weight, I'm having some physical problems that are not going to be pleasant as I get older.

 

Me at mid-40's is really kind of a disappointment, and though I have no one to blame but myself, the fact remains that people my age don't seem to ever carry out drastic and permanent change.

 

Wow. I just turned 38 last week but could have written this exact thing. I have always dreaded aging; I remember spending all night crying when I turned 17. You know the old adage, "Youth is wasted on the young"? It's so true.

[Night Elf]

Wow. I just turned 38 last week but could have written this exact thing. I have always dreaded aging; I remember spending all night crying when I turned 17.

 

My dd19 will be 20 in May and she is already unhappy about it. She said that she will officially be out of her teens and feels obligated to be totally grown up and in total control of her life. She is scared. I hate that a number can incite such negative feelings.

[fairfarmhand]

It simply IS sad sometimes to be old. You hurt. Your husband is dead, or you are caregiving for him in ways that are painful. Your friends have died, your sister has cancer, your children live in Singapore. Whatever. There can be great joy too, but none of us have a hard time indulging joy. We love when older people have joy, but get sort of nervous when they express psychic pain.

 

I just feel like when a woman expresses sorrow over aging, a little of that should be indulged because anyone who is really thinking seriously should understand that aging can be a very hard path to walk down. When a young man goes off to war we don't all say, "Oh please, war is great. You will love this. Think about all the awesome parts." Even though many older men will say that those war years were formative, important, and in some ways, GOOD years, and even though their war stories are treasured. We understand that the young man is scared of hurting and dying.

 

A 75 year old woman is walking into something hard. People she loves are suffering and dying. Family can be far away. It's a battle, and she's 100% sure to die from it. It's tempting to try to always tell her to look at the bright side, but sometimes I think we need to all recognize that there is a very bleak side, and that we are all going to walk into it someday.

 

I guess on some level, dwelling on what is hard about aging is the way that I create some sympathy for the women I love who are actually old. And I probably spend more time with old people than other women my age do. If I block out that recognition of how painful and hard it can be, if I insist that it won't be hard for me and I am not afraid of it, then I can't empathize as well.

ahhh yes, I do see your point here. Which is why I consider 30 and 40 even to not be that big of a deal. Most people still have their parents and most of their faculties at those ages. I do realize that around age 50-60 I will be smacked right in the face with those realiites. Likely that will be hard. I have already said goodbye to all of my grandparents and my mother. I will always miss them. But mourning age thirty, just because it is the number 30 still seems rather goofy to me.

[Pretty in Pink]

I was not bothered about turning 30 but I am happy with my life, optimistic about the future, and still look young. Perhaps I would have felt differently if those things were not so.

[Sputterduck]

I was determined to age gracefully when I was younger. Then I started aging.

 

I think for me the issue is that I squirreled away my late teens and most of my twenties with a violent man and a horrible marriage. I spent all that time just trying to make it through from moment to moment. Then I wake up and I only have 1 child, lots of trauma, a broken family and the good years for getting family and children were gone.

 

I was so depressed when I turned 30 that my neighbor, who is a gem collector, brought me 3 alexandrites (my favorite!) because he said I looked so depressed about my birthday that he had to do something. He's a total sweetheart. I didn't know I looked that bad. But I did mourn for about a month. I meant to have a brood of babies and a husband I could dote on at this point. Instead I have a hole in my heart where a big family should be. And, yes, I know it's my fault. But now it feels like it's getting too late.

 

My worst regret though? My son has no father. I wanted him to grow up with one. I wanted him to have a good man to show him how to be one. But he's already 7 and only getting older. I worry that as he ages, he'll be more likely to see a new man in our lives as an intruder taking his mom away. I want him to have a daddy, not someone taking away his mom. I can't even talk about this without tears spilling down my face. :crying:

[ChristyB in TN]

I'm getting ready to hit 43. :ohmy: I am not so afraid of the numbers I keep reaching but I am not loving what I see when I look at my skin. I love my 40's! They are so much easier than my 20's and my 30's. My body doesn't bounce back after a week of eating less than healthy food, if I don't run every stinking day I can tell by my extra weight and the way my skin looks! If I'm not practicing yoga my joints start to ache, it is crazy. I DO like the fact that I no longer really have to define myself for others, I KNOW who I am, I'm done having babies so life is just so much simpler, my friends are also in their 40's and I like them better now than I did when we were all younger, we have just relaxed! I have two friends who are having a lot of the same issues with their skin and aging that I am and they are going the botox (and such) route. They cannot move their faces and therefore you cannot tell how they feel when they are talking! Sarcasm is a bad thing because you honestly do not know if they are joking or not. They look fine, I just don't think I'm going to go that route. I need my expressions to help me make a living. I'm going to continue being vegan, running and practicing yoga....I will have wrinkles but maybe I will be too tired to care.:glare:

[KidsHappen]

I have a problem with aging mostly due to the disconnect between the fact that I look much younger than my actual age but because of illness feel much older than my actual age. SO people see me and they expect that they are dealing with someone who is perhaps 35 but then they interact with me and I come across as someone who is 65. For some reason looks override actions and people decided that I should act as young as I look. If only. Once long ago, when I was younger and so much less wise, I prayed that when I got older that if I had a choice between looking bad and feeling bad, I would prefer to go out looking good even if I was deathly ill. I wanted to go out in style. If I had the choice to make over again I would have made exactly the opposite choice. At 50 or 60 years old it isn't as important to look good as it is to be able to walk down the stairs.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Approaching 50 is bothering me. I am a little bothered by looking older, but not greatly. However, I am keenly aware of how my body is aging. I'm not liking the physical appearance, but that isn't the big thing. It is limitations and pain that come from aging. I hate that I heal so much slower (over a year to heal an ankle injury and 10 weeks to heal a finger.) I hate the chronic joint pain that will likely NOT get better. I hate the decline in physical ability when I am coming into a time where I will have the freedom and time to do more things. I hate the interruption in my sleep that comes from pain and knowing that is only going to get worse. I get frustrated with crochety old people, but I now understand them and fear I may become one of them. Although I live a reasonably healthy lifestyle, I am having to accept that there are things that are outside of my control. No matter how much I try to take care of myself, I will get older and I will suffer for it.

[Guest]

I was talking to my 2 sister in law's at Thanksgiving. They are both within 5 yrs of my age and I am 32. One turned 30 last week and the other will be 28 soon and the two of them have both agonized over being 30 or close to 30. They hate it.

 

It hasn't really bothered me. It's just another birthday. My dh and most everyone else tells me that I look around 25. Maybe getting older will bother me more once I look older.

 

Perhaps the agony comes in because they are more "hip" and into popular culture, fashion, and style than I am. I am a farm gal. My family doesn't even have regular TV. Could that be it?

 

Or could it be that I have watched my mother slowly die over the last 5 years and that has changed me?

 

Seriously, I like who I am at 32 MUCH better than who I was at age 20. Of course I don't look quite so cute anymore, but I think the exchange was worth it. I am happy with who I have become and where I am in life. Much happier than I was in my twenties.

 

Anyway, the question is. Does reaching particular milestone ages (30, 40, etc.) bother you? Why or why not? I really want to understand their viewpoints.

 

So help me out.

 

I was not at all bothered with turning 30. I was proud that I felt like a genuine grown-up. :D My SIL, who is close to my age, had a nervous breakdown about turning 30. She was in therapy and reading self-help books.

 

I have had a little bit of a hard time with turning 40. It mostly just revolves around having wanted to have more kids but realizing that that window is closing. I think if I had had all the kids I desired, I would not have any sorrow about being 40.

 

I don't consider age to limit me in many other ways and am pursuing other goals that I'm proud of. Just wish the baby thing hadn't gotten away from me.

 

P.S. The SIL who had a hard time with 30 does follow celebrities and that sort of thing way more than I do. I did think that influenced her unhappiness with 30. Hollywood gives the appearance that once you've turned 30, you only have a couple more minutes to look good without surgery. :rolleyes: Hollywood also gives no regard to wisdom and life experience, especially for women.