Would this have made you mad?

[plansrme]

Say you got home at the end of your workday to find this handwritten note in your mailbox:

 

Dear [xxx]Family,

 

This is [xxx] next door. Your dog barked all day Saturday and all day again today. Saturday, I even stood on a chair to look over the fence to yell at him, and he did not stop barking long enough to acknowledge my presence. Do you suppose you could fix whatever is wrong in his world? I know he is not usually like this.

 

Thanks,

[xxxx]

 

Please assume that the writer of the note, who lives next door to you, does not have your phone number because it is unlisted. Assume further that other than stopping by with muffins to welcome you to the neighborhood with muffins when you were moving in, you and said neighbor have not had further contact.

 

Thank you for your input.

 

Terri

 

ETA: I wrote the note! Neighbor was furious; further update below.

Edited November 14, 2011 by plansrme

[PRTGSw2K]

I think the note sounds perfectly fine. If the dog was barking all day, and they could not reach you by phone, then this seems, to me, to be an acceptable way to communicate with you. It would have been better had they spoken to you in person, but they may just REALLY hate any sort of confrontation.

[bzymom]

It would not make me angry. I would more likely be embarrassed that my dog had disturbed my neighbors. Even the tone of the note is not nasty, but states that they know this is not the dog's normal behavior and they wondered what was wrong.

[LidiyaDawn]

Do you suppose you could fix whatever is wrong in his world? I know he is not usually like this.

 

:laugh:

 

Nah…sounds like they're trying to approach you in a friendly, lighthearted way… they even acknowledged that your dog doesn't normally bother them.

 

It's the type of note I'd write myself.

[Ksol]

Nope. I thought the note was nicer than I would have been feeling about it if I were the neighbor. :) It sounds like they were just trying to avoid confronting you, which I can totally understand.

[KnitWit]

No, it wouldn't make me mad. At least they contacted YOU instead of calling the sheriff or animal control. kwim?

 

Also, they acknowledged that something has changed and the dog is not always like this...makes them sound *reasonable* compared to some people.

 

I'm sorry, I've been on both sides...living next door to a dog that made me insane, and owning a dog that made someone *else* insane unbeknownst to me, until the police showed up to let me know someone had complained. :glare:

[Parrothead]

I see nothing wrong with the note. The writer stated this is not a usual occurrence with the dog. Seems a perfectly reasonable way to let you know something is wrong.

 

As a dog owner, I'd be highly embarrassed if my dog barked and irritated the neighbors for two days straight.

[KnitWit]

I will add...I might even go so far as to THANK them for letting YOU know of the issue. It might make some inroads to building a better connection.

 

:grouphug:

[KS_]

It would not make me angry. I would more likely be embarrassed that my dog had disturbed my neighbors. Even the tone of the note is not nasty, but states that they know this is not the dog's normal behavior and they wondered what was wrong.

 

I agree - I'd probably go over and apologize and make sure my dog was inside if I wasn't home, where if he did bark, he wouldn't be disturbing the neighbors.

[Momma2Many66]

I think the note is polite and fine. I would view it as a heads up to the problem so I could fix it promptly before causing ill will between my neighbors and myself.

 

I would much rather have my neighbor write me a brief polite note to inform me of a problem instead of calling the HOA or local police to complain about my dog making a disturbance in the neighborhood. This way I can fix the problem quickly without having it arise to an embarrasing situation.

 

I think you did a fine job writing the note.

[lmrich]

sounds reasonable to me

[JMDRAD]

Say you got home at the end of your workday to find this handwritten note in your mailbox:

 

Dear [xxx]Family,

 

This is [xxx] next door. Your dog barked all day Saturday and all day again today. Saturday, I even stood on a chair to look over the fence to yell at him, and he did not stop barking long enough to acknowledge my presence. Do you suppose you could fix whatever is wrong in his world? I know he is not usually like this.

 

Thanks,

[xxxx]

 

Please assume that the writer of the note, who lives next door to you, does not have your phone number because it is unlisted. Assume further that other than stopping by with muffins to welcome you to the neighborhood with muffins when you were moving in, you and said neighbor have not had further contact.

 

Thank you for your input.

 

Terri

 

Just for context: I live in town and I own a terrier. No, this note would not have made me mad at all. A dog that barks constantly is INCREDIBLY annoying and disturbing. In many towns, you can be fined for disturbing the peace. If it were me and my barking dog, I would have preferred somebody leaving a note over being confronted face to face. I don't think the note was written rudely and they seemed concerned about the dog being upset.

[*********]

I'm agreeing with everyone else. I would not be mad; in fact, I'd feel horrible that my neighbor had to listen to my dog bark all day for two days.

 

I'm not an animal person. I have no pets (unless you count the caterpillar in a glass jar). I reeeeeeeealy wouldn't want to listen to my neighbor's dog bark for two days.

 

I think the best thing to do would be to go apologize to your neighbor, and let them know that you will take care of the barking. And then actually take care of the barking. :D I'd also tell the neighbor not to feel badly about ever contacting me in the future if it became a problem again.

 

But feel free to ignore me. Like I said, I'm not at ALL an animal/pet person. :)

[BigMamaBird]

At first I'd be embarrassed/angry, but they do have a point. Two days of barking is a lot. And they do acknowledge that "he's usually not like that" and they tried to lighten the mood with the "fix what's wrong with his world." I don't get the feeling like they're mad at you, just hoping you can keep your dog from barking that much.

[GoVanGogh]

I have lived with barking dogs on two sides of me for the past few years. It is not at all pleasant.

I think the note approach is a nice way to approach the situation. Your neighbor easily could have called animal control.

[QueenCat]

I think the note sounds perfectly fine. If the dog was barking all day, and they could not reach you by phone, then this seems, to me, to be an acceptable way to communicate with you. It would have been better had they spoken to you in person, but they may just REALLY hate any sort of confrontation.

 

:iagree: You need to know if your dog is continually disturbing the neighbors so you can fix the problem.

[Mynyel]

Wouldn't have made me angry.

 

I wish our neighbor had put a note in our mailbox (shoot or even mailed it) to tell us our dog was being a butt instead of calling animal control. We can't fix something if we don't know it's broken!

 

I would take it for what it's worth. The dog has been barking at something and he/she doesn't normally.

 

They are being polite but it does sound like the dog barking is irritating them. :) I understand that too!

[bbkaren]

I would very much appreciate it if my neighbors behaved in this type of manner; unfortunately they don't. Instead they let the problem fester and then call the cops or animal control.

 

So I'd consider myself lucky if I were you and write a note back of appreciation! And maybe send some muffins their way :)

[Remudamom]

That wouldn't make me angry. What angers me is a barking dog.

[Ewe Mama]

:iagree: This is a very kindly written note and I would not be at all offended or upset to receive it.

[clarkacademy]

It would not make me angry. I would more likely be embarrassed that my dog had disturbed my neighbors. Even the tone of the note is not nasty, but states that they know this is not the dog's normal behavior and they wondered what was wrong.

 

:iagree:

[beaners]

I would have left out the part about yelling over the fence, maybe saying that you checked on him instead. It seems fine to me though. Now I want to read the update!

[Amy in NH]

I would be apologetic, not angry.

[plansrme]

I left the OP originally vague so as to avoid bias, but now that so many have weighed in unanimously, I want to be absolutely clear that I wrote the note to my neighbor; I took the muffins; it was not my dog.

 

Here's the rest of the story:

 

After I left the note, the neighbor (whom we will "Robin," 'cause that is her name) got home, but I was not home. My daughter, however, was, and reports that Robin came over and pounded on our front door and rang the doorbell repeatedly. Daughter wisely did not answer the door, but Robin went straight home and left me a vile, hate-filled, nearly incoherent message on my home voice-mail. Robin thought she'd hung up the phone, and hadn't, and I could hear her continuing to yell about me to her husband--called me a nasty name, etc.

 

Want to know what Robin does for a living? She is the assistant principal at our local middle school. Her husband, who is in the background agreeing with her, is the head principal of a high school a couple of counties over.

 

Terri

[bbkaren]

My gosh, people sure do have issues, don't they!:001_huh:

[Parrothead]

Oh, goody. Rude and irrational behavior. Cool. Now you get to call the cops repeatedly.

 

Let them handle it from now on.

 

Don't erase the messages.

[*********]

I left the OP originally vague so as to avoid bias, but now that so many have weighed in unanimously, I want to be absolutely clear that I wrote the note to my neighbor; I took the muffins; it was not my dog.

 

Here's the rest of the story:

 

After I left the note, the neighbor (whom we will "Robin," 'cause that is her name) got home, but I was not home. My daughter, however, was, and reports that Robin came over and pounded on our front door and rang the doorbell repeatedly. Daughter wisely did not answer the door, but Robin went straight home and left me a vile, hate-filled, nearly incoherent message on my home voice-mail. Robin thought she'd hung up the phone, and hadn't, and I could hear her continuing to yell about me to her husband--called me a nasty name, etc.

 

Want to know what Robin does for a living? She is the assistant principal at our local middle school. Her husband, who is in the background agreeing with her, is the head principal of a high school a couple of counties over.

 

Terri

 

What the?! :svengo:

 

They sound kinda... unstable.

 

I'd just call the police in the future. So sorry you have to deal with THAT.

[Slipper]

I would try to make a recording of it. Then I would call her (at her school) and ask her if you can come by and meet with her for a minute. Play her that tape and ask her if you can discuss it further, that you're not sure why your polite note elicited such a vulgar response from someone who should be a role model to children. Then if you want to be nice, ask her if she simply had a bad day (which gives her an out) or wait because I bet she apologizes and quickly.

[goldberry]

Ugh. I think you were perfectly reasonable and they had no reason to go balistic.

 

However, I don't offer much hope this will end well. When you deal with people that refuse to acknowledge their own role/responsibility, they don't usually "come around". My experience is that they just get angrier and more in denial.

[bbkaren]

I would try to make a recording of it. Then I would call her (at her school) and ask her if you can come by and meet with her for a minute. Play her that tape and ask her if you can discuss it further, that you're not sure why your polite note elicited such a vulgar response from someone who should be a role model to children. Then if you want to be nice, ask her if she simply had a bad day (which gives her an out) or wait because I bet she apologizes and quickly.

 

The only problem with pursuing it with someone who's over the top like that is...the next morning waking up to a flat tire on your car, or something similar. People are nuts...

[plansrme]

Don't erase the messages.

 

I have not, and actually have forwarded it to another phone in case it is accidentally deleted from one.

 

I also had the other neighbors listen to the message. They're all shocked as well. But none of them read the original note, which is why I wanted some unbiased input and reproduced it verbatim above. It sounded fine to me, of course, but people are so weird, obviously, that I wondered if it was more inflammatory than necessary. I just don't know how else I could have conveyed that message. The fact that you don't like what I have to say does not mean that it is rude of me to say it.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Terri

[kewb]

I will admit that my initial reaction would probably be anger. If I was being honest with myself anger caused by embarrassment. If I was not being honest, I would take that anger out on you. The reality is, your note was reasonable and polite. If it was me, after I had calmed down I would take steps to keep my dog inside when not home. I may never speak to you again because I am embarrassed. However, that would come out as misplaced anger towards you and I would avoid you at all costs.

[J-rap]

No, I would have been embarrassed, not angry. But, I've learned that most people who wouldn't think twice about letting their dog bark outside all day and night are the same people who might get a little mad if you asked them to take the dog inside. This is why if it ever happens in our neighborhood, I call the police about it. Not an emergency call or anything, just a call to let them know what's going on. The police in our town are good about driving by and checking it out, talking with the people, and keeping the original caller anonymous.

[Guest submarines]

A joke:

 

Two psychiatrists talking: "I have solid proof now regarding Freudian slips."

 

"Oh, really?"

 

"Last night I wanted to ask my wife to pass me salt, but instead I told that she, st*pid b*tch, ruined the last 20 years of my life!"

 

Back to the OP: The two lovely educators have no issues with homeschooling, none at all, do they? ;)

 

If the situation escalates (I hope it doesn't), you do realise you have a little viral video in your hands? ;)

[Jennifer3141]

Wow! You live next door to whackadoos!!! :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Have you talked to your local animal control about noise ordinances yet? I'd find out what you can do the next time the dog acts like this before it happens again.

[plansrme]

Back to the OP: The two lovely educators have no issues with homeschooling, none at all, do they? ;)

 

Well that is an interesting thought. I don't know that she even knows that we homeschool, but she probably does if she's ever talked to any of the other neighbors. One of the nonsensical comments in her voice-mail, though, was a reference to "my prior dealings with you." I have had no prior dealings other than the muffin thing, which was quite friendly, but perhaps she'd assumed a bunch of stuff because we homeschool and had her perceptions mixed up with actual prior dealings.

 

Interestingly, two of my homeschooled kids are best friends with the boy on the other side of Robin and with the girl directly across the street from Robin. These neighbors, one of whom is a public school teacher, love my kids and have noted that Robin's son is a potty-mouth (I don't know the son--just repeating what they've said), a bad sport, and a brat. So if Robin starts spouting off nonsense to the neighbors, I don't think she'll get very far.

 

Terri

[Lisa R.]

I also had the other neighbors listen to the message. They're all shocked as well. But none of them read the original note, which is why I wanted some unbiased input and reproduced it verbatim above. It sounded fine to me, of course, but people are so weird, obviously, that I wondered if it was more inflammatory than necessary. I just don't know how else I could have conveyed that message. The fact that you don't like what I have to say does not mean that it is rude of me to say it.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Terri

 

I'm not sure why you had other neighbors listen to the message. :confused: I agree the dog-owning neighbor should not have been so offended and certainly should not have left such a message, but I believe you're escalating the situation by bringing other neighbors into this.

 

If you needed feedback regarding the message, I would've had someone who isn't connected to your neighborhood or neighbors.

 

At any rate, I'd make sure to keep the message as documentation in case this dog owner continue to act erratically.

[Guest submarines]

Well that is an interesting thought. I don't know that she even knows that we homeschool, but she probably does if she's ever talked to any of the other neighbors. One of the nonsensical comments in her voice-mail, though, was a reference to "my prior dealings with you." I have had no prior dealings other than the muffin thing, which was quite friendly, but perhaps she'd assumed a bunch of stuff because we homeschool and had her perceptions mixed up with actual prior dealings.

 

Terri

 

Is there a chance she got you mixed up with someone else? Maybe she did feel ashamed and worried about her dog, and after a stressful day her feelings turned into a grotesque overreaction. If she thought you were someone she had unpleasant experiences with before, I can see how she misread the tone of your note.

 

Her behaviour is still inexusable, but maybe things are not as bad as it seems.

 

I agree with the poster as not to share this with other neighbours--gossip never leads to anything good.

 

I'd give her a chance to apologise, and then proceed from there.

[SailorMom]

I wouldn't be mad. I'd be grateful they complained to me rather than calling the cops or animal control. I have friends who live in the country who have a nutty neighbor who calls the cops on their dogs as "disturbances".

It is annoying to have a dog next door bark all day. I have two dogs, and we try very hard to avoid being the noisy neighbors.

I would try to just not worry about the neighbors and instead worry about the dogs.

[gardenmom5]

it would have been more embarassing that my dog was interferring with someone else's ability to live their life.

 

some people handle embarassment with defensive anger. sounds like that's what your neighbor did.

Edited November 15, 2011 by gardenmom5

[Janie Grace]

Nope -- I thought it was a nice note given an annoying problem. Esp. the "whatever is wrong in his world" and the acknowledgement that he's usually not like this. Seems like you were sympathetic to the dog and generally accepting of him. The note was fine.

[Cera]

It sounds perfectly fine to me, I just did something similar as my neighbors like to let their dogs out at 6am on Saturdays (and 11pm on weekdays) and they bark, a lot.

 

I would definitely keep the recording and probably go speak to her in person after she has a day or two to cool off. I would make sure that there was a witness to the conversation but would want to know what she meant by prior dealings and why she was so unfriendly.

 

(Is it possible other people have anonymously commented on her dog or called the police with noise complaints and she is attributing those things to you?)

[LaxMom]

If my dog was barking so persistently that the neighbors had to look over the fence to see what was going on, I would be very thankful if they left me a note letting me know, especially if she wouldn't acknowledge them.

 

We don't leave her out, but she lets herself in and out during the summer and that kind of thing would suggest there's a foreign animal in the yard. I would apologize for the disturbance and thank them for their concern because we would honestly appreciate it.

 

Your neighbors have issues.

[Guest submarines]

It sounds perfectly fine to me, I just did something similar as my neighbors like to let their dogs out at 6am on Saturdays (and 11pm on weekdays) and they bark, a lot.

 

I would definitely keep the recording and probably go speak to her in person after she has a day or two to cool off. I would make sure that there was a witness to the conversation but would want to know what she meant by prior dealings and why she was so unfriendly.

 

(Is it possible other people have anonymously commented on her dog or called the police with noise complaints and she is attributing those things to you?)[/QUOTE]

 

:iagree:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I hope for your neighbor's sake that they do not choose to escalate this. If they do, you have no choice but to call the police. And if the police are called, with them being in the jobs they are, it could hit the news and make things very ugly for them. At least I know that it's the kind of thing that would not be tolerated well in our area.

[QueenCat]

I wouldn't have yelled at her dogs. Why? Yelling at my dog only makes him more agitated, causing more barking. I also wouldn't have shared the tape recording with other neighbors. That is simply not necessary.

[Liz CA]

As a dog owner, I would appreciate anyone letting me know something is wrog while I am not there. Someone near us once called dh at work because "our dog did not get up when she spoke to him and he looked depressed." While we chuckled a little, we appreciated that someone was concerned!

[Susan in TN]

I would try to make a recording of it. Then I would call her (at her school) and ask her if you can come by and meet with her for a minute. Play her that tape and ask her if you can discuss it further, that you're not sure why your polite note elicited such a vulgar response from someone who should be a role model to children. Then if you want to be nice, ask her if she simply had a bad day (which gives her an out) or wait because I bet she apologizes and quickly.

 

Uh, yeah. Keep that recording. And in the future it can be used as character reference in court :tongue_smilie:. I mean, she knows you have children, doesn't she?

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I would just respond with a polite, "Ok, no problem. Next time your dog is barking incessantly and disturbing the peace, I'll just go ahead and call animal control since I know you don't want me to bother you. Have a great day!"

 

(ok, maybe my passive-aggressive side came out just a little)

[plansrme]

I wouldn't have yelled at her dogs. Why? Yelling at my dog only makes him more agitated, causing more barking. I also wouldn't have shared the tape recording with other neighbors. That is simply not necessary.

 

Yelling at a dog who barked ALL DAY LONG, and I don't mean intermittently--I mean, I don't know why the little thing didn't have doggy laryngitis--could not possibly have made it bark more. There were only so many hours in the day that they weren't home (8'ish), and it barked all of them. Well, all of the hours that I was home anyway. It was definitely a risk I was willing to take.

 

I shared the voice-mail with two neighbors out of self-defense. In case Robin gets it into her head to get cozy with them, I wanted to proactively get my side of the story out there. Also, I'd been texting back and forth with one of them, whose back yard also backs up to mine and Robin's, about the dog and the note. I was so shocked when I got home and my daughter handed me the phone with the voice-mail (in which she got to hear our neighbor call her mother an a**hole) that I couldn't even say anything. I walked straight over to the neighbor with whom I'd been texting and just handed her my phone.

 

I go back and forth about whether to follow up with Robin. I am leaning towards "not," on the grounds that no good is ever going to come of confronting a crazy woman. I did, however, call a surveyor to mark the line between our lots, as we've never known quite where it was. He came out this weekend and staked it for us. The uncertainty was never a problem with the previous neighbors, who were (still are, as far as I know) lovely people and would be mortified at the conduct of their buyers.

 

Terri