momofmiracles Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 So, I took my dd to the pediatrician (a new dr for us) for a w/c check-up today. She wouldn't talk to the P.A. or the Dr. They asked her many questions, but she just clammed up. Finally, I bribed her with a treat if she would cooperate and she began to talk and do as they asked. Somehow in the conversation, it was mentioned that I homeschool. The dr said she is not against homeschooling, and she's sure we are a fine family, but my little one needs to be in public school for -get this- socialization! All because she was so shy. :confused: I let the dr know that dd gets plenty of socialization as we are very active in church and our church has LOTS of children. She just kept reiterating that dd needs to be in public school. Aaaagghhh!! I just want to go back and tell her that public school is not going to change my child's personality. :glare: Thanks for letting me vent! BTW - dd is not my biological child, she was in foster care for a while before coming to us. She and her sister had been in many homes before coming to us so much of her issue is attachment disorder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Yes, because we all know that there are no shy children in public school. :001_rolleyes: Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 oh my BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH And especially that your child was a foster child. YOU ARE DOING THE BEST THING FOR HER. we had a foster to adopt child. we pulled the child out to hs. at first the teacher's were not happy, But when they heard we were working toward adoption, they were all thrilled and thought it was the best thing. Sadly that didn't work out but it was still a good experience hsing the child. I think I would be looking for a new ped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Vent away. Medical professionals who give unsolicited educational advice are not on my payroll! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Our pediatrician was against homeschooling. He mentioned socialization a lot too. I would just smile and say "I'll keep that in mind." Then I would do what my husband and I thought were best for our family. (I do that for things other than homeschooling too.) Eventually he stopped stressing it and actually asked me for advice on math supplementation for his daughter. I recommended Singapore math! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Yes, because we all know that there are no shy children in public school. :001_rolleyes: Wendi Exactly! c'mon doc :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I've got at least one shy kid in each of the classes I teach. Admittedly, I teach in a private school, but it is a school. You seem to be taking it well; I'd be more, um, in their face. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 We had a doctor with similar opinions. He did not hesitate to express them even though it had nothing to do with the visit and was really "out of the blue". With the first comment I marked it up to ignorance and ignored it. The second comment caused me to be annoyed. The child was ill, so I let it pass to focus on having her treated. The third comment was the last straw. I found another doctor and ceased supporting the opinionated one. If the comments continue, I suggest finding another doctor. You are there to have your child's physical health treated and that is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 BTDT, I love our ped, but he really is clueless about this. We are now in our 6th year homeschooling, and still with the same ped but it took until this year for him to not only see but recognize how good homeschooling has been for the kids. He has a lots of high needs kids in his office, and most of those parents couldn't get their kids into school fast enough. He thought I was weird. He even told me to put them into school so I could get a break. I called him a fool. Over all he is an excellent Dr and we happily drive 2 hours to go see him. He still calls me weird, I still call him a fool but he understands and respects my decision a lot more now. If you like this Dr otherwise, stand your ground and just say to her "It's a parental choice and not a medical one". If you feel this is going to cause too much friction then find another ped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Find another Pediatrician. There are so many good ones out there. Ours is wonderful, he finds that it is great to be able to talk to ds about what we are doing and told ds that he has to teach him about homeschool. That is ds teaching the doc about it. He always asks if there is anything he can do to help, and goes really overboard explaining to ds why he does everything. He gets a kick out of it. It helps having your pediatrician in your corner. Nicole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'd find another pediatrician. My daughter just had her 11 year check up and hers asked about school and we reminded him that we homeschool. He asked if she gets to socialize with other kids her age. I informed him that she goes to a library book club, a homeschool bowling league, Girl Scouts, weekly Judo classes, weekly guitar lessons, is active in our homeschool group, and has friends and cousins who live on our street that she plays with after school. He seemed satisfied and didn't say anything else. I was sort of hoping he'd read between the lines and figure out that she probably gets more "socialization" than a lot of public schooled kids do. haha. If he had started insisting that she needed public school, I wouldn't have gone back to him again. That is way overstepping a doctor's bounds! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 If you want to continue with this particular doctor, ask for referrals to an attachment therapist. You don't have to use it, but it would be noted by her. Then, if she ever mentioned p.s. again, I'd say that due to your child's work in attaching, homeschool is the better choice. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 You could tell your ignorant pediatrician about my son. He's also pretty shy and when he was in school, he didn't like the teasing he got for his interests (Star Wars and animals) so he would go entire weeks without talking to another child. Surprisingly, his social skills have improved dramatically since I started homeschooling him. He is much more confident and willing to talk to both children and adults now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once Again Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'd switch doctors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'd tell him I go to him for medical advice, not his personal opinions on education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Gah. Makes me so thankful for our docs. Our ped supported us and our family doc homeschooled and had 10 kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 So, I took my dd to the pediatrician (a new dr for us) for a w/c check-up today. She wouldn't talk to the P.A. or the Dr. They asked her many questions, but she just clammed up. Finally, I bribed her with a treat if she would cooperate and she began to talk and do as they asked. Somehow in the conversation, it was mentioned that I homeschool. The dr said she is not against homeschooling, and she's sure we are a fine family, but my little one needs to be in public school for -get this- socialization! All because she was so shy. :confused: I let the dr know that dd gets plenty of socialization as we are very active in church and our church has LOTS of children. She just kept reiterating that dd needs to be in public school. Aaaagghhh!! I just want to go back and tell her that public school is not going to change my child's personality. :glare: Thanks for letting me vent! BTW - dd is not my biological child, she was in foster care for a while before coming to us. She and her sister had been in many homes before coming to us so much of her issue is attachment disorder. It never crossed the Ped's mind that she might appear "shy" b/c she has a very real fear of the Dr. (Maybe due to experiences before coming to your home...maybe simply the sterile walls, all that equipment hanging on the walls, people in scubs...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I would ask him which courses in med school covered public school socialization. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Our pediatrician is not homeschool-friendly, either...and we'll be looking for another one next year. Ours says stuff like, "Well, we only recommend homeschooling if they're in a co-op several days a week." I told her that my friends who did those kinds of co-ops got behind in their academics. How does THAT help? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Like the penguins in the Madagascar movie say... Just smile and nod, ladies, just smile and nod. :D I actually think it was "smile and wave" but you get the point.... Most docs I've met felt the same way, and when my boys proved them all worng, they would always tell me that my kids were somehow the exception in mental gymnastics so that they wouldn't have to admit that homeschooling wasn't evil after all. I've met some excruciatingly shy kids in Cub Scouts that are public schooled. It doesn't cure them, I'll tell you that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 What a nut! My youngest son had selective mutism with docs from 19 months until nearly 5, and he did not say one word no matter how much they bribed to any of them. IMO it shows great self control to be able to pull that off given he was bribed with ice cream lol. At home he is fine, and he will not be quiet. Just ignore the doc and understand that he is ignorant in this area. Even smart people have holes in their intelligence. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Vent away. Medical professionals who give unsolicited educational advice are not on my payroll! This. I would not tolerate it. I am so thankful our ped loves that we homeschool. She seems to think it's the best thing in the world. I just love her. I believe public school would be really terrible for my shy/anxious/quiet child. Those are the kids that fall through the cracks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Mine doesn't support it either. He doesn't voice his opinion every time we are there, but he does quiz the kids. He also doesn't like that I don't do flu shots and that I often use herbal remedies. Oh well for him. I go to him because he is the best in the area and I always just give him a firm "My kids are doing well and I know whats best for them." To date- they pass all of his "tests" and the only flu they've ever had is the stomach flu :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Vent away. Medical professionals who give unsolicited educational advice are not on my payroll! Amen! My childrens Pediatrician likes us. We rarely come in when the kids get sick. Just call, chat and if needed a med is called in. I am lucky in that my kids don't get sick a lot. She trusts my judgement and thanks me for not potentially spreading sickness through the office :D. She doesn't offer unsolicited advice, but stated that she admired me for homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'd change docs.. I'd be worried that an anti-homeschooling doc just might take it into his or her head to be "concerned about the childrens' welfare" and make a report to someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 As a child, I was shy and wouldn't talk to anyone.....and I was public schooled. :001_huh: I'm sure that people think that my two dd's are shy because they are homeschooled. They literally will not talk (at all) to people they do not know extremely well. They participate in homeschool group, church every Sunday and Wednesday, and DD7 has played soccer and taken ballet. They are just shy kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 My pediatrician is a great clinician. Whenever I have had a concern about my children's physical health, he has been patient, kind, well informed, etc. He's well know and well liked in the community and is an advocate for his patients medically. He generally defers to parents on most things, with the opinion that you know your child best. He asks questions about homeschooling, and it doesn't bother me because I'm showing him I'm not a closeted potential news story. IYKWIM. You need to decide if you trust this guy with medical advice and if you're willing to ignore or not get emotionally involved with the homeschooling stuff. You can always say, "This is working for us right now. Thanks for your input." It doesn't have to be combative, and it could be that he has had some isolated bad experience with a homeschooling family and he's feeling thoughtfully cautious. It doesn't mean he thinks you're nuts, he's just using the experience he has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Find another Pediatrician. There are so many good ones out there. Ours is wonderful, he finds that it is great to be able to talk to ds about what we are doing and told ds that he has to teach him about homeschool. That is ds teaching the doc about it. He always asks if there is anything he can do to help, and goes really overboard explaining to ds why he does everything. He gets a kick out of it. It helps having your pediatrician in your corner. Nicole :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I love my current Doc. She homeschools, totally gets that we live in the country, delay vax and treat most things at home. But in a pinch is there even on weekends to answer questions of a medical nature. Love her and can't imagine life without her as a doc. My dentist also thinks it is awesome we homeschool and wishes she could (she might someday, but right now is dealing with other issues.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuvingLife Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 This one makes me laugh, I was in ps from K-6th grade and only started to break out of my shyness in 9th grade!! I was a very shy child and in a way am still very shy, I hate being the center of attentions and would rather be in a small group of friends away from it all. I was always shy when I was in ps, so that never helped me! People need a wake-up call, seriously...:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Crown Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 It shouldn't even matter what a pediatrician's opinion of homeschooling is. Ours is clearly not a fan of homeschooling, but she doesn't address it because it's not a medical issue, and she is completely uninterested in non-medical aspects of child-rearing. (She disapproves of preschool and daycare simply because kids get sick too much at an early age.) When it turned out that Wee Girl was special needs, our pediatrician's brusque comment was "Don't put her in school until this has been dealt with. Since you homeschool I assume that won't be a problem." That was it. Homeschooling = better medical outcome, she's for it; homeschooling = irrelevant to medical outcome, she doesn't care enough to make it a matter of discussion. I like that she is confident in her area of competence, and leaves other areas of child-rearing to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinWa Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 you must have my old pediatrician! Yeah, we never went back to him. He wanted to blame stuff on the fact that we homeschool!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 We decided to switch pediatricians because a clinic opened less than 5 minutes from our house. The new ped kept trying to get my ds to read things and asked him, "Do you ever get to play with other kids?" He looked at her like she'd grown two heads, "Yeah, of course." She also told me I needed to keep my house clean (when ds mentioned we have a dog, two cats and birds). :001_huh: We switched back to our old ped, who'd always told us that he thought we're doing a great job. When I told our lovely nurse about our "adventure", she was aghast. Find another pediatrician. A pediatrician is a medical professional, not an educational one. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Good for you for adopting and then homeschooling your dd! You are doing the very best thing possible for your daughter!! Many (most?) people just don't get it at all. We had that a lot when we first started homeschooling. Now we actually have the whole community behind us, after many years. We even have school teachers now coming up to us saying that they wish THEY could homeschool... Give it time, and try and ignore the dumb comments of people who don't know any better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'd consider a new ped too, and I'm sorry she was so negative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Honestly, I'd switch Drs. Or send dh with dd -- I doubt the Ped would be so opinionated when faced with a man (regardless of Drs gender). If I otherwise liked the Ped, I would either say: 1) "Oh, I didn't know you have a degree in child development as well! Wonderful! WHere did you go to school for that?" or more likely, 2) "How about you stick to medicine, for which you are actually TRAINED, and leave parenting to me. You have voiced your opinion, I've listened, but if you're going to waste our 15min harking on it I WILL find a new Dr." I might also add, "You know, this child was kicked thru the foster system and the last thing she needs is to be parked in a ps classroom and spend MORE time in a system that doesn't give a darn about her." ...and I'd be thinking, "...but if telling me what to do with MY child makes you feel better about YOUR lousy choices, I'll smile and ignore you." Sorry, but this type of junk for MDs really angers me. Can you tell? :D So vent away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofmiracles Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 What irks me most is how can anyone know anything about a person after meeting them for five minutes? I'm not against doctors asking about things in a child's life that affects him/her (how school is going, etc.), but to just jump to all sorts of conclusions based on a five minute encounter seems ridiculous. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofmiracles Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 So many great comments! I am so glad I have a place to vent. This was my first time with this doctor. We had a doctor that I LOVED, but she moved away. It took a long time to find her and I was so devastated to have to find another. I'll either have to pray that more new doctors come to our area or find another clinic. It just irked me so much that she kept pushing her opinion when it has nothing to do with the medical field. We had already discussed that dd sees a therapist for her past (and current) issues. Oh, and yes, I was extremely shy all the way through school. It wasn't until well into my adult years that I became more outgoing and confident. As a pp said, I just kept smiling and nodding. I am very much passive-aggressive so I look so calm in the situation and then boil and steam when I leave. We have a follow-up visit scheduled and I had already told dh that I want him to take her to the appt because I don't want to deal with the lecture. Thanks again! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemama2 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 You could always look around for a new ped. Our ped group is awesome about homeschooling. There are several doctors in the group, and I've never had a negative comment from any of the doctors, nurses or staff. I wouldn't want my kids listening to the doctor make negative comments about my choices as a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'd find a new doctor. My 10YO is quiet and reserved until she feels comfortable with people (just like her mother). Even though for the past two years she has attended public school—you know, The Bastion of Socialization™—her temperament is still attributed by some to the fact she was previously homeschooled. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I would just laugh and say - "How old school!" and change the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 oh my BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH And especially that your child was a foster child. YOU ARE DOING THE BEST THING FOR HER. we had a foster to adopt child. we pulled the child out to hs. at first the teacher's were not happy, But when they heard we were working toward adoption, they were all thrilled and thought it was the best thing. Sadly that didn't work out but it was still a good experience hsing the child. I think I would be looking for a new ped. :iagree: I would not go back to that Dr. A couple years after we got our two we had a supervisor in a large councilling organization tell us that she felt families should NOT be allowed to adopt unless they were willing to home school. She had seen both sides of it and she said that children with attachment issues especially didn't need to be making strong attachments with anyone except the parents. There was a lot more but that is the jist of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 That is funny because people keep telling me that my dd should be in school because she is so outgoing and social. :lol: You can't win!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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