S/O of "heathener" thread - other malapropisms or mistatements you've heard

[jlmom]

A friend of DH's in high school was going around school telling everyone she had a venereal disease.

 

She had a viral disease (infection).

[ravinlunachick]

A lot of people mix up "ask" and "axe". (As in, "I need to axe you something.") I watched an episode of SNL a few weeks ago where they were doing a stand up comedy spoof in which the comedian said he lived in a ghetto neighborhood and went to the local grocery store and bought a body wash called "Ask". I cracked up laughing.

 

 

They aren't mixing it up. It's a pretty common thing among black Americans, at least IME.

 

http://africanamericanenglish.com/2009/04/27/aks-yourself/

 

Similarly, the history of African American English can be traced back to a multitude of sources, both English and African in origin. Differences in the way people talk aren’t necessarily wrong, just different, and oftentimes there’s a a concrete historical precedent for it.

 

In fact, the pronounciation of the word ‘ask’ has a long and fascinating history in the English language. The two pronunciations were at one time both spoken in different dialects of English 1000 years ago in England. Consider an example from the Medieval text of Chaucer’s ‘The Knight’s Tale,’ when the knight Palemon says: “Yow loveris, axe I now this questioun.†It just happened that due to political circumstances, the people who spoke the dialect of English with the ‘ask’ pronunciation became the more dominant social group. And thus, ‘ask’ prevails as the standard today. So, lovers of language, I axe you to reconsider your thoughts and attitudes on the usuage of this non-standard pronunciation of ‘ask.’

[gaillardia]

You are all hilarious. I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard.

Someone told me yesterday: "Gee, you've really been down in the mill."

Okay. Have I been grinding wheat, or drinking too much...???:lol:

[QueenCat]

My neighbour was talking about a woman we knew who was VERY skinny. (only ate canned corn, nothing else.) Neighbour said, ''I know, she's like, totally emancipated!" :lol:

 

So far, this one has me :lol: the loudest.

[QueenCat]

Ok, but, see, that would be entirely appropriate for a conversation between me and MIL, out antiquing one day. I found this HUGE (as in hundreds) wall of soup tureens. Gorgeous! She comes along while I'm browsing through them - because I've always wanted a soup tureen, too - and points out that they have one handle. Chamber pots! And then she said she would never eat soup at my house again. :lol: But soup latrines would fit perfectly there!

 

Sides are splitting right now...

[iona]

path to the least resistance :glare:

[Janie Grace]

Our well water has sediments in it that have been clogging up our plumbing, resulting in the need for a better filter. Two different plumbers have been part of this issue, and each had a different name for the sediments...

Plumber A: settlements

Plumber B: sentiments

"Well your problem is that you have sentiments/settlements in your water..."

Dh and I have had fun imagining either of those things in the bottom of our toilet bowl.

[simka2]

When we first married dh and I got in a really big fight. As he was leaving the bedroom I told him, "Just DROPOFF!!!!"

 

In my anger I combined dropdead and knock it off. :lol:

 

It is now used regularly in our family lingo.

[OrganicAnn]

I knew someone who used to say "Don't throw the baby out with the bad water" (instead of bath water in case you are unfamiliar with the phrase).

It seems like he said it all the time. I used to think "baaaaad water, you bad water"

 

I used to think that "for all intents and purposes" was actually "for all intensive purposes".

 

I used to think that in a song or speech (I can't remember the context), but it was "to assist her" and I thought they were saying "to a sister" and I was confused about whose sister.

[goldberry]

When DD was 4 or 5, she had this toy inflatable thing in her room, and one day she came in the living room and told me the "velvet crow" was broken on her toy. Upon actual visualization, we realized she meant VELCRO!

 

This is also the kid who proudly announced to a friend that she had Attention DEFECATE Disorder...:lol:

[prairiebird]

To this day, I still say Polar sausage instead of polish sausage. I have a hard time trying to switch. I don't want to know what meat might compose 'polar sausage'!

 

 

 

My dad has a major old time Southside Chicago accent and his parents spoke broken English, so my sister and I have picked up a bunch of stuff from him as well. It's weirder coming from us though since we don't live in the same areas he did growing up and lots of people don't have that accent anymore.

 

I come home, walk though my gangway into my house and open the light in my frunchroom. youse guys got a frunchroom in your house, am I right? :lol:

[brett_ashley]

When I was learning how to drive, I took the speed limit signs very seriously. My first time to exit the highway, I slammed on the brakes (I had been going 70) to accommodate the new 40 mph limit on the exit ramp. My mom freaked and yelled, "GOOOO! We're losing altitude!"

[KidsHappen]

My kids always say pacific instead of specific. DRIVES ME BATTY.

 

If anyone can think of a way to break that habit, please let me know. ;)

 

Always follow up with the question, "The ocean?" Eventually they will get it.

[KidsHappen]

For the longest time, several of my children thought that the phrase from Deck the Halls was dawn we now, our day of peril. They really wondered why we would celebrate such a thing.

[TXMomof4]

I got in an argument (:rolleyes: @ self) with someone over the validity of the term "sheath" cake. She insisted that's what they are always called. Maybe I'm incorrect, but I've never heard of anything other that a "sheet" cake. :D

 

It is a sheath cake. I don't know why, where it came from - but it is. Two ladies at church just about had a knock down, drag-out fight about it. :glare: It is a sheath cake.

[Pam in MA]

How about changing to a "glutton-free" diet?

[ciyates]

I've never heard anyone say "get your goad". Where I come from it IS "get your goat". :confused:

 

:iagree:

[Slojo's Homeschool]

I thought of another one. My mom says "destructions" instead of "instructions." She insists that all instructions for putting something together usually result in somehow breaking it anyway. Instructions get her really "flusterated."

[Murphy101]

I have a dear friend whom I love but....she's always flustrated. Not flustered. Not frustrated. Flustrated. Drives. Me. Nuts.

 

Our ancient neighbor across the road used bellignorant once. I thought it a lovely word: belligerent and ignorant all in one.

 

 

I love these and think they should be added to the dictionary!

 

path to the least resistance :glare:

 

Ha. It's all about perspective I suppose?

 

To this day, I still say Polar sausage instead of polish sausage. I have a hard time trying to switch. I don't want to know what meat might compose 'polar sausage'!

 

:001_huh: I'm more concerned about what meat might compose polish sausage!

Polar bear sausage is probably interesting.

[Jan in SC]

My dh and I used to say typical words in non- typical fashion to amuse ourselves. Lingerie was one that we always said as ling-er-ee. (It doesn't take much to make us laugh.) We were in a department store and I wanted to look for a new nightgown. I asked the salesperson where the lingerie department was and she looked at me, with her mouth open, like I was the biggest idiot ever. Of course my dh about died laughing at me and I could not- at that moment- figure out the right way to say that word. Several different words came out of my mouth. By this point, my dh had tears rolling down his face and the lady walked away from us.

 

I have a friend that called me and said that she was stuck waiting for the Terminator to show up at her house. I asked if it was Arnold or a replacement, but she didn't get it! I can only hope she was using Terminex and got a little confused.

 

The same friend, who happened to teach preschool, complained that all the children were - hoovering around her too much! (as in the vacuum!)

[Jyniffrec]

How about changing to a "glutton-free" diet?

 

We had a waiter get a "glutton free" menu for us once!

[UnsinkableKristen]

When I was younger, I thought people saying "Euthanasia" were saying "Youth In Asia", and I kept wondering what was so awful about those poor kids in Asia :lol:

[Violet Crown]

Dd8 for a long time called the humidifier "the humiliator." It stuck, and now that we have one that's penguin-shaped, it's called "the penguinator."

 

Dd15 used to call her comforter a "comfterble." It was adorable.

 

As for adult errors, there's nothing like hearing an unprepared lay reader at Epiphany announcing the gifts of "gold, frankenstein, and myrrh." No congregation can recover from that.

 

ETA: Many Catholic children think that there is a Mass response that goes "Thanks, speedy God." Dd8, when little, took a good look at the round white host and confidently answered "Thanks, pita God!"

Edited October 26, 2011 by Sharon in Austin

[ThatCyndiGirl]

It is a sheath cake. I don't know why, where it came from - but it is. Two ladies at church just about had a knock down, drag-out fight about it. :glare: It is a sheath cake.

 

 

I've never even heard of it being called a sheath cake. It's SHEET cake where I come from. (and here, too!) The ladies who were fighting over it-what was their reasoning as to why it would be called 'sheath'? :confused:

[MrsJewelsRae]

As a Canadian I see Americans using the word "Voila" quite often, and it is almost always misspelled or said wrong as "viola", "wahla", etc. ;)

[nono]

Sheath cake. Cyndi, I think you'll like the explanation! :lol:

[Amy1k]

Sheath cake. Cyndi, I think you'll like the explanation! :lol:

 

Yes. I totally agree with this explanation. It's a mistake that has been used over and over and now is considered, in TEXAS, to be accurate. ;)

[KungFuPanda]

Is it wrong that I fully intend to USE some of these? Ove got 'Bellignorant' in the holster!

 

How about using SALE and SELL interchangeably? I've never heard this in real life, but I've read it on EVERY homeschooling bulletin board.

 

"I got it on sell, so I only had to pay the sell price. I'm considering saleing it on EBay to make some money."

 

My MIL uses 'death' for 'deaf' and pronounces the restaurant 'chick fil uh' instead of 'chick fillet'

 

Does anyone remember the Dharma and Greg episode where dharma thought it was a "doggy dog world" and wondered what kind of sick world Greg lived in when he corrected her to 'dog eat dog world'

[Scarlett]

I have a friend that was talking about breast cancer running in her family and she kept saying milk duds instead of milk ducts. She must have said it 6 or 7 times.

 

I felt horrible but it was all I could do to keep a straight face.

 

Who am I to talk about anyone else, though....I had to Google malapropisms.

 

Me too!

 

My good friend from childhood says 'It just donged on me!'

[Scarlett]

Does anyone remember the Dharma and Greg episode where dharma thought it was a "doggy dog world" and wondered what kind of sick world Greg lived in when he corrected her to 'dog eat dog world'

 

That is hilarious. I loved that show....wonder if it is on netflix.

[Scarlett]

My MIL calls the board walk the BROAD walk. And, not intentionally. We :lol: over that one.

 

I'll have to think of the other ones she says-she's loaded with them.

 

My XMIL calls pornography 'fornography.' LOL

[Scarlett]

I used to translate for my idiom-challenged boss in staff meetings.

 

"We're trying to keep this whole department from going to hell in a handbag"

<ahem, "handbasket">

 

"I know I'm b!tching at the chorus here, but..."

< :blink: ... ... "oh! 'Preaching to the choir!'">

 

That was my favorite. :D

 

:smilielol5:

[Scarlett]

My MIL had some crazy ones....that she passed down to DH. :glare:

He's had to 'unlearn' them over the years.

 

Instead of:

'Six of one - half dozen of the other' she said

'Six of one three dozen of the other'.

 

And instead of, "Wow, they're really going to town."

It was, "Wow, they're really going to house."

 

 

He also, to this day, cannot pronounce the word ravioli. He says "Raver-oli." (Drives me bonkers.)

 

My granmother said 'Wal-Marks'.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I had a housekeeper that would always say chestnut of drawers for chest of drawers. She was serious.

 

Warsh, as in, "I'm gonna warsh the dishes.". It is like. nails. on. the. chalkboard.

[Elinor Everywhere]

My family always made fun of me, the buttheads. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Cricket]

When DD was 4 or 5, she had this toy inflatable thing in her room, and one day she came in the living room and told me the "velvet crow" was broken on her toy. Upon actual visualization, we realized she meant VELCRO!

 

This is also the kid who proudly announced to a friend that she had Attention DEFECATE Disorder...:lol:

 

So not missing this stage of childhood! :lol:

[Liz CA]

MIL always says "Diejohn" for Dijon mustard.

[*Inna*]

Warsh, as in, "I'm gonna warsh the dishes.".

:lol: My FIL says that all the time, as well as Warshington.

And "warsher and dryer". I think it's hilarious. :D

[*Inna*]

When I was learning English, I had plenty of these. The ones that became a part of our family vocabulary are "You funny!" and "Wow! She's really going into town!"

[thessa516]

 

Warsh, as in, "I'm gonna warsh the dishes."

 

Did she also "warsh" the "winduhs" (windows)? :lol:

[silliness7]

As a Canadian I see Americans using the word "Voila" quite often, and it is almost always misspelled or said wrong as "viola", "wahla", etc. ;)

 

Viola!! My dh says this all the time. Just to be funny.

 

Love the lingerie story. :lol:

[Homemama2]

My friend in high school always misused the word 'belligerent'. She would do something ditzy and then say, "OMG! I'm SO belligerent!" :D

 

My seven year old always says 'worst favoritest' instead of least favorite. We tried correcting him, only to have him start saying, 'least worst favoritest.' :blink:

[Scarlett]

My XH says 'hypnocrit' for hypocrite. And 'Alltopsy' for Autopsy.

[SunD]

Many Catholic children think that there is a Mass response that goes "Thanks, speedy God." Dd8, when little, took a good look at the round white host and confidently answered "Thanks, pita God!"

 

My nephew once gravely explained to my DH (his godfather) that the correct response is actually "Tanks beat you, Scott." He had incorporated this dude named Scott and the tanks into different Bible stories and such, too.

 

The priest was from Vietnam and still had quite the accent.

[Spryte]

This thread is hysterical! I am adding bellignorant and flustrated to my vocabulary.

 

Take it for granite - that one always gets me.

 

Lymes Disease instead of Lyme Disease is nails on the chalkboard, but I understand the mistake.

 

When my kiddo stopped saying "pee-na-no" for piano, I actually noted it on the calendar. So sad to see that one go.

[Remudamom]

I've never heard anyone say "get your goad". Where I come from it IS "get your goat". :confused:

 

Ditto.

 

My favorite is from a movie. Decaffienated used instead of decapitated.

[SonshineLearner]

In your father's defense, it was pronounced pro-tee-in long ago. :-)

Is this is like "diaper" which my mom pronounces "di-a-per" because the vowels are not actually suppose to be prounounced as a unitary Diphthong

[~*Beatrix*~]

My sister in law typed out "quote on quote" in a text, when trying to explain exactly what a person said.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My kids says coincidential instead of coincidental. Drives me nuts.

[DarlaS]

I've given up trying to explain to my mom that "sugar" is what you put in coffee, not the name of a medical condition. :banghead: It still makes me cringe.

 

Her whole life, my sister has used the word "sammich". Now she's trendy. :tongue_smilie: