I guess it would depend on how many pictures are being sent. If she's sending them once an hour on the hour, then okay. Don't have the time. But if this is the once a year or few times a year "cute" picture fest, then indulge in a small kindness, and say, "Cool!" or "They look like they are having fun!" or "Glad to see them looking so happy!" (just to the first picture - I think you can comment on a whole group of pictures, too). These are all things that I'm sure you do want for them. Every kid isn't going to be cute in a conventional sense, but every kid has something about them to be affirmed. Maybe that's what she's looking for - especially from a friend. And if you don't have that "cute" kid, it might be all the more important to hear it from a friend. Just taking the other POV. Totally get the annoying EXPECTATION, but I'd rather avoid the phone call myself and know that I did a very small thing to make someone's day.

We do incorporate it into our homeschooling, but in a flexible way. I change the table semi-regularly based on the themes we are studying, but the kids feel pretty empowered to bring in items (whether they fit the theme at all). I actually schedule the themes for the nature table, but try to leave room for found objects. Our nature table is sometimes more Waldorfy/celebrating the beauty of nature and the seasons and sometimes more of a science observation center. This month it's arranged to honor advent and has a spiral of 24 candles for advent along with natural items. Our honoring of Advent with lighting the candles will go along with a series of short stories leading up to the coming of Jesus in addition to some activities around learning the history of different Christmas traditions. But my son has also put a bird's nest that he found on the sidewalk there. Often, serendipitiously, what they bring in ties into the theme in some way (I'm totally going to discuss how interesting that he found a bird's nest and the possibility that the nest once held baby birds and tie in connections to the coming of Christ; what was Jesus' first home as a baby, etc...nothing too forced, but I'm a whiz at making analogies). I only change our nature table about once a month, so it's not constantly changed to reflect our studies. But we do use things on the table as they tie in with our studies (we probably pay attention to the nature table specifically for study about once a month). I have a K'er and a 4 year old, so the connections are pretty easy right now. I also have the Private Eye book (we just haven't used it that much yet) and we do weekly narration style - tell me what you observe/I wonder why it's shaped like that type stuff that we can follow up on - a few weeks ago, we did a lot on how shells provide protection. We had nutshells and seashells of different kinds on the table. I hope that gives you some sense of how we use it.

If modesty or offensive words on clothing are not an issue, allow her the exploration. It's one of the adolescent biggies - dressing oneself to suit one's tastes. Save input for a few biggies - your grandmother's 90th, a wedding, a funeral, etc... Keeping your cool on this might open up the door for something that truly is a big deal - like her choice of dating partners. Having lived through asymmetrical haircuts, the torn jeans look, neon colors, baggy "MC Hammer" pants, "chandelier" earrings, and a good solid year where I totally wanted to dress like Cyndi Lauper, she'll turn out okay - I'm wearing khakis and a grey Fair Isle sweater as I type. Can't get more buttoned-down than that. It's all good. Just wear sun glasses - in the house - next time she puts on the bright red skirt. Tell her you're inspired by the 80's and the Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades song. (Okay, just kidding on that last one.)

I wonder if mentioning it to her this year will open up the idea that every year two dressings are served. My MIL did a very nice thing my first Thanksgiving as "family." She asked me to make several sweet potato pies for the 40-person meal she hosts, even though she's a Martha Stewarty type who would usually make several pies - pumpkin, apple and mincemeat (which I hadn't realized anyone made past medieval times). What I appreciated is that she made room for other traditions/traditional foods, in an attempt to both make me feel comfortable AND in recognition that the growing family (this time through marriage) has several traditions now, not just the one they grew up with. BTW, I love both types of stuffing so I'm glad that I get one kind one year when we do Thanksgiving with my family and the other kind the next year when we do Thanksgiving with my very NORTHERN New England-descended family (my husband's family apparently helped found Connecticut). Besides, I'd gain too many pounds if both were presented as options every Thanksgiving.

Bring it, maybe mentioning it out of courtesy for the host. I wouldn't call it "traditional" though - depends on who's tradition we're talking about:tongue_smilie:. I make a sweet potato pie every Thanksgiving we go to my inlaws because I grew up with it rather than pumpkin (personally I think it tastes way better than pumpkin, but that's a different story). The sweet potato gets eaten just as much as the pumpkin and I married into a family with deep Northern New England roots (not a sweet potato in sight).

Being in the paid workforce is not necessarily a sign that you are using your degree in a productive way. I consider all of the people responsible for crashing the economy as having "thrown away their degree," particularly those who acted out of greed. Whom did your degree serve? There was a really interesting article in the NYT a few weeks ago about how tightly coupled an Ivy League degree is to the idea that one should "cash in" on that degree and work for Wall Street. I think the numbers were something like 60% of those graduates expect to work on Wall Street and about 50% do, contrasted with decades ago when there seemed to be a more balanced set of choices/aspirations from Ivy Leaguers - going into teaching, the sciences, etc... I really think that it would help our society greatly if "using your degree" wasn't so tightly coupled with getting paid because we still at least indirectly link "the most money" with "the most productive," and that think that has been highly problematic and destructive in our country. So I guess I don't much respect the "throwing away your degree" argument. Or at least I think that there are many, many ways to use a degree and just as many ways to "throw it away" (at least some of which is concentrated in one zip code in New York as well as other places).

Two master's degrees. One in Social Work and one in Public Policy, earned concurrently. It took six semesters with no time off for summers and a 17 credit course overload the last semester (crazy, but I did it). I also have a one-year fellowship under my belt that became a one-year terminal degree Master's level program the year AFTER I finished the fellowship. Glad to have both degrees, they have been most valuable in offering me tremendous job flexibility and ability to negotiate employment situations that are difficult to come by. But it isn't everything and there have been trade-offs. There are major gaps in my education (as there are with everyone). I'm very "pointy" in my education - deep expertise in a fairly limited area - and while I do okay for myself on Jeopardy:), I'm not as well-rounded as I'd like and will have to do a lot of learning with my children to help them get the education I'd like for them to have. I'd also give back one of my degrees for an easier fertility ride than I've had - noting the two miracles I have - at least that's how I'm feeling in this particular season in life.

My kids are too young to watch anything other than Nick Jr or PBS, so I'm still figuring out when they get to move up to other types of shows. I think it is comparable to the Cosby Show in terms of content/basic message, though I do think they've made the parents' characters a bit too "love muffiny" now that I think about it. Nothing inappropriate in the context of a committed married couple, but there is occasional flirteaous banter between the husband and wife about "later" - nothing explicit, and one scene where the husband gave the wife a love pat on her rear. I guess it's about the same as Claire and Cliff's flirting if I remember my Cosby shows correctly.

It's a new sitcom on BET featuring Malcolm Jamal Warner (aka Theo from the Cosby Show, but all grown up) and Tracy Ellis Ross (Diana Ross's daughter). They play the parents of three children, two older high schoolers and a 7 year old that is... homeschooled! The older ones are in a brick and mortar high school (maybe they were homeschooled through middle school - unclear so far). It's a cute show (I'm watched 3 episodes), not stellar but not horrible. Apparently, it's getting good reviews. Homeschooling is shown in a positive light, and 2 of the 3 episodes made some direct reference to homeschooling. In one, the daughter receives results back from the NY board of ed that she's passed or exceeded the requirements to move up to 2nd grade and her siblings high five her. In another, the dad - who is the primary homeschooling parent - has given her spelling words to study. When she finishes, she says something like, "If my school is here, why do we call it homework? Shouldn't it just be called work?" It was cute. The family is definitely "Cosby-esque" - positive values, no put downs, showing African American families in a normative light, etc... Makes sense, Malcolm Jamal Warner is the Executive Producer, and I'm sure his years on the Cosby show were a great influence. I'm hearing through my networks (Mocha Moms organization) that the lead writer for the show is a dad in a homeschooling family (though, IRL, the mom must be the homeschooling parent). Just wondering if anyone else has seen it, and what you think?

Meant to post into a new thread

I thought of another one. My mom says "destructions" instead of "instructions." She insists that all instructions for putting something together usually result in somehow breaking it anyway. Instructions get her really "flusterated."

This thread is great - thanks everyone for the chuckles. My kids call the Sears Tower in Chicago (I know it's now supposed to some other name) the "Serious Tower."

The "heathener" thread made me laugh - and that person deserved whatever response they received. I'm wondering what other malapropisms or mistatements you've heard. Very different situation, but one that has my husband and I still chuckling five years later is an acquaintance of ours who was describing another person she had known who had gotten very, very drunk. She said, "He drunk himself to Bolivia." Again, we knew she was trying to come up with the right phrase, but my husband and I couldn't help but have a private chuckle in the car later because Bolivia is a long way and we couldn't imagine just how many drinks that would take.

Then I think she might be most comfortable with "I'm sorry, I must not have heard you correctly." If the goal is to get the person to think, then having them hear their words a second time might start that process.

Well, First I would ask whether she wants to say something (and you've heard her express this sentiment) OR you wish there were something she could say. If she hasn't asked for advice on what to say, then I'd be inclined to assume that she's already handling it as best as she can. As an African American woman, my first thought is, "Well, she's been a person of color all her life (now you didn't say whether she is an immigrant or not, or has lived in this country for a long time - so these experiences may truly be new for her), none of this is new." I have yet to meet an adult person of color who "didn't know what time of day it was" at some level. So I'd be surprised if she hasn't already developed her own strategies or been in conversation with others folks from a similar background about how they have handled it. They may not be my strategies, but I'd be surprised if she hasn't already given it some thought. If she wants to say something and being sarcastic back is not her style (though sometimes it's mine - bigots get no grace from me), then I like the "I beg your pardon" approach or "Interesting." My personal favorite is a teacherly, "That comment reflects poorly upon you and your family (because, actually, it does)," but that might lean too much into the sarcastic.

I don't know -- 11 years old is pretty young. It is entirely possibly -- and I'd say probable -- that he will change is mind between now and his 20's. It also might put a lot of pressure on him since the family moved "for him." If the passion is that strong, he will have it when he is older and when it will be much easier from him to pursue it fully. I don't know much about archaelogy, but I would imagine that an 11-year-old might have a hard time being able to just independently pursue and obtain permits for digs and would have a hard time joining a team of university-aged and professional archaelogical teams. So even if you were to move, I would think that one consideration would be the level of access to sites that he'd have before entering university anyway. I think there is much he can learn about archaelogy where you live: the methodology itself I imagine takes years to learn to do well -- and that can be learned anywhere human cultures have existed; a deep study of famous archaelogists; deep study of Norse culture and language. All of that could take him well through late adolescence. You could set up a series of projects in which he would compare his experiences in Florida to ones he might have in England, and keep a running journal on it. That he would have had any archaelogical experience at all going into college will be impressive in and of itself, and it may be a benefit to him to be able to say that he has studied archaelogy in a different context (in this case Florida which I would imagine has a rich history of First Peoples and cultures to learn from). There is something to be learned from keeping some breadth to and openness about one's interests and experiences, even while you are pursuing passions. This is especially true when you are at the beginning of adolescence. You can always spend summers going to England - much more feasible for staying together as a family. When he is an adult, he will appreciate that all adults have to make decisions about pursuing passions and balancing those with keeping the human relationships strong. Staying with one's family/keeping a family intact at age 11 may be the far more valuable lesson for him (and will probably make him a better, more balanced archaelogist in the future). Now if you want to move for other, broader reasons - because the move would be good for the whole family whether he continues to pursue his interest or not, then that's a whole other consideration entirely. Enjoy helping him navigate his deep passions. It's great to see young people have them in a culture that discourages young people to be engaged in anything very deeply.

I don't know about Christmas/birthday stuff - that feels personal/not my business. But for curriculum and HSing, it is helpful for me as newbie to get a sense of how others are approaching the resource allocation part of it. I know people's budgets are different, but it does help to have examples of how others have approached it and why (e.g., "It was just too difficult to do on my own, so we decided to outsource it and pay for classes." "We spent $500 on science/lab materials starting in grade ___ so that my kids could do full labs.") As a newbie, you really don't know everything to expect, and when I run into difficulties, it's nice to know that people have weighed the options I'm weighing and what kinds of costs might be associated with going down one path or another. To use another example, when I was researching cloth diapers it was very helpful to see lists of: - Basic no-frills option for cloth-diapering - Middle-of-the-line; buys you some flexibility - Top-of-the-line diapers It helped me sort through what was worth getting based on our needs. We ended up middle-of-the-line because some of the more expensive, but newer style diapers looked and performed similarly to disposable and it allowed us to make it easier on ourselves as a family that needed to put our kids in daycare part of the time. And having those lists with the reasons behind it did save us money because we didn't waste money experimenting without any context.

:grouphug: I'm new here, but I do know what you are feeling. I had my third miscarriage in a row just in June, and am struggling with feeling like it will never happen for me again/ending the whole childbearing thing on a sour note. So I do understand how hard it can be to watch others achieve a healthy pregnancy. Hugs and more hugs.

Well, although AAS is in my plans for the year, I've delayed starting it because I haven't been able to purchase it yet. It's slated for an October 1 purchase and a latter half of October start. So I'm doing some other "pre-AAS" work that I'm making up on my own. Knowing that others have gone through it before the year is up makes me feel better that we'll finish by the end of the year anyway :001_smile: My math manipulatives are also on a purchase one thing every other month schedule. This way we get to do "new math manipulative" of the month, timed as well as possible with the math content we are covering at that time. Though I would have loved to have purchased AAS in the summer just to have it and drool over it 1000x :lol:(I REALLY LIKE having things well in advance), it's working out pretty okay. I have some other solid things going, so that the experience of my kids isn't "mom didn't have the funds to start school "the right way," but "we got to start school doing this really fun block on prehistory in September to get back into school" (what I'm currently using the time for that we might have spent studying AAS) and then started our reading/spelling program when it started getting colder..." Probably they won't really notice one way or the other, if I have planned solidly (which I've worked hard to do). I don't know, but I'm hoping it's like Pancake Nights - who knew my parents started that tradition near the end of the month most months because money was tight for those last couple of days. All we knew is that Pancake Night was the best... Hopefully that's what are kids are experiencing when funds are tight - and that's probably what they will remember about their homeschooling days.

I'm a Christian that accepts and believes homosexuality is not only ok, but as much of a gift from God as my own sexuality. I obviously believe that one can still be a Christian and think homosexuality is okay. The only criterion I believe for being Christian is BELIEF (not tithing, not voting a certain way, not wearing only skirts, etc... there's no Christian litmus test). Do I believe that there are morally right expressions of sexuality? Yes. but those have more to do with whether sexuality is used to oppress or degrade as opposed to affirm and accept, whether it is within the context of a loving, mature relationship, etc... and I know many gay and lesbian couples whose love, respect and honor for each other blow heterosexual couples out of the water. I know many a heterosexual couple where there is much dysfunction and dishonor wrapped up in their acting on their sexuality and have much more concern for the state of those relationships than my two 50-something neighbors who are a lesbian couple and been in relationship with each other through child-rearing, cancer, family tragedy, etc for 20+ years... let me model my marriage after that rather than the fifth divorcing/separating heterosexual couple I've heard about in the last year. Some of my deepest growth as a Christian has come from the example of gay and lesbian Christians who bore witness to me and opened up their lives and faith to me. What a gift! Sure glad I was open to it.

I'm new to this board, but will throw in my two cents anyway. I wouldn't see this as necessarily tacky. I think that there are ways in which society has changed/is changing. Maybe no one has stepped forward and said, "I'll throw you a shower." I could imagine quite a few young women, in particular, in that situation. So I'm not certain that the etiquette misstep is on the young woman herself. If anything, if I were even remotely in her circle of friends or acquaintances, I would privately call her and ask if she needed any help in throwing the shower, and if I was in the position to, I'd offer to play host/organize activities so she didn't have to do it on her own (if that was indeed the case). On the gifts thing - I find the whole thing silly. You're not supposed to directly ask for gifts, but many if not most people have a registry anyway that some "secret elf" is supposed to separately whisper to everyone on the guest list anyway? I think there must be *polite* ways to make your needs known without going through the pretense. I think there are ways to give people an out since it is socially expected to bring something and most people do. We did something like this for our wedding - gave people guidance and "permission" to bring no gifts at all because at 30 when I married, both my husband and I had already obtained the items you need to run a household and it would have seemed tacky to try to get "shiny, new stuff" just because we were getting married. I think it helped a lot -- and every one ended up giving us something, but with better guidance since we didn't have a registry for them to turn to. I don't know, I tend to think that the etiquette of the past only holds value if it makes sense for the current times or situation. And in we are living in increasingly isolated situations where sometimes you just don't have anyone who will step in to do these traditional things.

Gosh, I'm always chiming in at the end of these threads. I certainly didn't have the time to read all of them, but I guess the OP concerns me a bit, and I'm glad I'm not in a marriage that has that expectation. Sure, you should keep up some level of appearances -- well, mostly to please yourself, IMO - but as an extension of that, to please your spouse (because being pleasing to my spouse is a big piece of my self-concept). Having said that, sheesh! Basically stay the same as when you married? No, I'm going for looking good for 40, 50 or whatever age I'm blessed to be. Over the course of a 40 or 50 year marriage, I'm probably going to gain some weight along the way. 100 pounds would signal other health problems, but 20 pounds over the course of several children, illness, menopause, and decades -- yeah, I think my husband would be quite the jerk to expect that at 60, I'd fit into my wedding dress (or even if I did that it would fit just the same as if my body would be as toned at 60 as it was at 30 - and it wasn't that toned at 30)! If I color my hair, it would be to please myself - in my own natural instinct to look as good as possible. But I wouldn't be trying to go for 25, I'd be going for a nice-looking 40 year old. If I go gray - and I think gray can be gorgeous - I'd like to think my husband could go for that because he's a mature enough man to want to be with a 50 year old or 60 year old. I don't look like my wedding day photo, but I manage to bath, put on clean clothes and do basic grooming. I can dress up well when I have somewhere to go. But I'm not frozen in time. I find women over 40, 50 who are trying to look like they did when they were 20 a bit bizarre and sad, and they end up looking dated because of it. Your hair and skin change as you age, and applying more and more make up to "hide" wrinkles can actually make someone look less attractive. I guess what I'm getting at is - yes, keep up basic appearances, but be with someone who can accept that you will age, accept that life circumstances change appearances sometimes (my hair actual fell out in patches because of life stressors this year). Also, what about the concept of there being more than just one static way of seeing someone as physically attractive? I would hope that my husband doesn't fit me within some narrow range of attractiveness - that there is a range of weights I could be (not 100 lbs over the original weight, but 10 - 20) and still be attractive. That graying hair doesn't knock me out of the running; that cellulite and sagging breasts - that nursed your children BTW - aren't deal breakers. All of those things either have or are likely to change as I age. Yes, everyone wants an attractive spouse, but I would like to think that I married one that has a flexible view of attractiveness. This is all really interesting to me because I have a friend who is blind, and I keep wondering how he would relate to this thread.

This is an interesting thread. My kids are young 5 and 3, so it's easier to think of "nurture" (and my "excellent" parenting:lol:) winning out. I do believe in "nature" playing a big role, but I don't see it as fate. I haven't read the book mentioned, but I didn't quite buy the author's perspective based on the NPR interview I heard. All of us have personality traits and tendencies, but I guess I see nurture as supporting whatever those personality traits toward their better or best possible ends. So nurture matters a great deal, IMO! An argumentative nature could turn out to be one of the best lawyers in the state or the adult who's blown through 5 jobs in 3 years because he or she keeps mouthing off to their boss. A compliant child could end up being see as a competent team player at work and a flexible, easygoing spouse at home OR they could (with the wrong life experiences) be the doormat that every coworker and family member wipes their feet on every day, and prone to getting involved in abusive, manipulative relationships. The artist could draw amazing, but illegal graffiti OR draw start an amazing graffiti art program with street kids that is done with the blessing of the mayor. Etc... I'm not going to change the essential nature of my children or their talents, but I do believe that "the hand that holds the knife" could be a surgeon, a chef or a criminal (I'm holding out for either 1 and 2, and praying that 3 is never a reality for any child of mine). For those of you who believe in mostly nature with nurture playing a minimal role, do you believe that people's lives are prescribed from birth? Do you believe that nature is destiny? Do you believe things like criminality or infidelity, etc... to be inborn? What is the role/goal of homeschooling (since this is a homeschooling board) or any parental investment of time, energy, etc under a "nature" framework for understanding human behavior?

I'm curious (not to hijack the OP's post), for those of you spending $150 or less this year, is this what you do/have done every year? Or are there years you spend/have spent much more in order to build your homeschooling resources? I could totally see some years spending this little, but that's because I am spending quite a bit this year as "start-up" - reference sources, hands on materials, core books that I just don't want to have to keep getting from the library and "time-saving" curriculum that has been thought out and organized for me. I'm in the position where I actually have a bit more money than time as I am combining homeschooling with part-time work, so I'm definitely buying some curricula that I could have just made up and organized myself, if time were on my side. - Alicia

I don't go to Trader Joe's very often - maybe 3x a year - but their Candy Cane ice cream is the best. Now it's probably not the right season, but I would make a special trip just for that ice cream.