Mama2Many4 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 My husband is obnoxious to sleep next to. He snores, LOUDLY. He blanket hogs, throws elbows and just about everything else. I'm an insomniac and need every ounce of sleep that I can get. So sleeping next to him wasn't working for me at all. So seeing that we have such a small apartment, and our daughter was ready to share a room, I and our daughter share a bedroom, and he shares a room with our two boys. We got twin beds and this is working out fabulously for both of us. I've never slept better, and my boys are heavy sleepers and are not bothered. I was just wondering if anyone else here doesn't sleep with or even in the same room as their SO? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabeth in IL Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I haven't been sleeping with my dh lately. I hurt my shoulder and he won't switch sides of the bed with me so I just switched beds. I'm actually sleeping better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 No, but I feel your pain. DH snores so LOUD sometimes. I usually have to go to bed before him otherwise I really have a hard time falling asleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 My husband and I aren't currently sleeping in the same room. He sleeps in the boys' room with our middle, and I sleep in our room with our toddler. Or sometimes our middle sleeps with me and Daddy sleeps with the toddler. When baby comes, baby will sleep with me and the toddler will move to the boys' room. My husband will either sleep there or sleep with me and baby. Considering he'll likely get more sleep in with the boys, he will probably choose to do that. We are a musical beds style home... People sleep wherever they get the best sleep at that phase of life, and we revisit sleeping arrangements regularly. Works for us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I don't sleep much and once asleep I am a very light sleeper. I sleep much better in a bed. Dh swears that sleeping on a mattress makes his back hurt. For all of these reasons, we do not typically sleep together. Never have. HTH- Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Due to his snoring, we haven't slept together in years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 While I admit there are times when I think I should have my own room to get away from dh's snoring, I couldn't do it. On the rare occasions when he has to work overnight, or work sends him out of town, I have trouble sleeping in the bed by myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Sounds like it's working. Just a note: studies show that even spouses who "sleep through" their spouse's snoring are actually having disrupted sleep. They aren't aware of it. But the health impacts for those spouses are like others with disrupted sleep--including the snorer himself. My point is this. Your heavy sleepers might still be having sleep stages distrupted by the noise even if they aren't waking fully. That would bother me. Sleep is important for all of course but especially for developing minds and bodies. Second, the health effects for your husband's sleep apnea for him are scary. (I have apnea...) If your husband can be bribed :D, convinced, or encouraged to have a sleep study and get treatment (C-PAP) it would be so much better for him and likely the boys as well. Edited July 4, 2011 by sbgrace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Just a bit of information. My dh used to snore.:tongue_smilie: One night I was laying away listening to him snore and he stopped breathing. It was long enough that I was about to wake him, he started breathing again. I simply couldn't get to sleep then so ended up laying there listening to him snore and then not breath. The next morning I told him about it and suggested that he get checked out. He ended up with a c-pap. No more snoring AND no more not breathing for long lengths of time. The other thing is we each have our own comforters. I love this. I have always liked wrapping myself(especially in the winter) in the covers but about the time I would get wrapped/tucked in good dh would role over and cold air would flood in. Since we have gone to our own comforters this doesn't happen.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I feel better to know many others sleep better on their own. Honestly, I've never slept better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I'll mention to him about seeing the doctor about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 DH and I have separate rooms. We have for about 5 years now. However, if I can lose about 20 pounds and stop snoring, we may try sleeping in the same bed again, or at least in the same room. DH also toss and turns A LOT during the night. It jolts me awake. So, maybe separate beds would be a better option. Not sure how that will work with the CA King we have in that room taking up most of the space, but we will figure it out if I can stop snoring. I didn't snore 20 pounds ago. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 DH and I have separate rooms. We have for about 5 years now. However, if I can lose about 20 pounds and stop snoring, we may try sleeping in the same bed again, or at least in the same room. DH also toss and turns A LOT during the night. It jolts me awake. So, maybe separate beds would be a better option. Not sure how that will work with the CA King we have in that room taking up most of the space, but we will figure it out if I can stop snoring. I didn't snore 20 pounds ago. Dawn I toss and turn all night because of my insomnia, so I'm always worried that I'll be waking him up all the time. Believe it or not, I actually get a better sleep even with the tossing and turning because I'm not worrying about waking someone up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I believe that co-sleeping is healthy but I didn't. It was more to do with personalities and everyone having different bedtimes than anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Me. DH is a terrible snorer and I am an insomniac. We sleep separately and have for some time. I'd rather sleep separately than wake up every morning wishing I could smother him with the pillow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauracolumbus Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I get much better sleep w/o my dh in the same bed. But, if I go to bed before him, it's not so bad. He lost about 40 lbs and is now very healthy, and his snoring is a lot calmer, but still present. And then there's the tossing and turning. I am a very light sleeper and used to hear my kids sigh in their sleep in their rooms down the hall when they were younger. I recently read in a magazine that the 'in' room in home building is a 'snoratorium.' I love the idea. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We have separate bedrooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 My dh sleeps in our boy's room and I have the master to myself. It saved our marriage. For almost 14 years I put up with nights of interrupted sleep due to my dh's loud breathing (not quite snoring but annoying still) and flailing arms/elbows in my face and back. When he elbowed me just above where I'd gotten an epidural 10 hours earlier I said ENOUGH! He started off on a mattress on the floor, then moved to the couch and eventually the boy's room. My dh isn't thrilled with the arrangement but I told him he had over 5 years of 100% health insurance coverage to see a specialist and he refused, so now I refuse to sacrifice my sleep any longer. My resentment toward him grew especially when he dared to snap at ME when I would ask him to turn over at night to stop the loud breathing. :glare: Even if my dh gets treatment for his breathing his arms and elbows will still be a factor so I get my own bed in my own room. I love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We didn't use to sleep together but have been for a little while now. We still have a little trouble, but not nearly as much as we were having to necessitate different sleeping quarters. However, it has crossed my mind that our room is big enough for two beds. LOL My parents have separate bedrooms; my mom moves when they are ready to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Usually we Don't he works 3rd shift so maybe 1 or 2 nights a week we do but he generally comes to bed much later than I go to sleep. We can't share a blanket either we both have our own. And when ever we have a new baby in the house dh sleeps on the couch on his off days for at least the first year-18 mts so I can nurse and spread out with the baby. When the kids are all out of the house we fully plan on having our own rooms with king sized beds so we can "visit" each other when ever we want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I feel better to know many others sleep better on their own. Honestly, I've never slept better. :lol: I'm so glad you wrote this post; I thought I was the odd one, because I love it when dh doesn't sleep in our bed! I am a very light sleeper, also, and at least 2 mornings a week, he has to be up before 6am. To make sure he doesn't disturb myself or our dh (her room is right next to ours & she is a super light sleeper who has her door open), I have him sleep on our couch. The funny thing is, he usually sleeps better on the couch. Now that I know so many of you sleep separately, maybe we can make this a permanant thing.:D (I don't think he'll go for it) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We sleep in separate rooms. I sleep in our bedroom, he sleeps on the couch because he has back problems and cannot get comfortable in a bed (we have tried many different beds). I'm just glad he's able to sleep comfortably on the couch, and I rather enjoy sleeping alone. :tongue_smilie: I'm not sure how I would get any sleep if I had to sleep with another adult or child...I can handle co-sleeping for awhile with newborns but I think I'm getting to be more of a restless/light sleeper over the years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Well, these days we're separated by 1800 miles due to work. I confess I LOVE having the bed (and a bedroom) all to myself. He also moved downstairs to the guestroom we have set up for my parents back when I was pregnant with my youngest and while she was nursing. But I'm not and never have been a sleep-cuddler. I can't get comfortable if someone is touching me. I used to tolerate it in the early days, but I've never enjoyed it. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I am a very light sleeper. Dh is a mover. I mean one night when I had trouble sleeping and got up several times, his body had moved around the bed like the hands of a clock. At one point his legs were at six o'clock. Later they moved to three o'clock. And truly, they were even at 12 o'clock. Ridiculous. I haven't slept in the same bed with him for years. We do share a room, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 DH and I do share a bed, but I often retreat to the couch in the middle of the night. He just sort of crushes me and I have enough trouble sleeping as it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I remember when I first learned that dsil and her dh slept in separate twin beds I thought that was unusual. Then I learned that she had Restless Leg Syndrome and even the CalKing didn't allow for her dh to sleep comfortably. Made so much sense after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I remember when I first learned that dsil and her dh slept in separate twin beds I thought that was unusual. Then I learned that she had Restless Leg Syndrome and even the CalKing didn't allow for her dh to sleep comfortably. Made so much sense after that. My ex SIL and my BIL had separate bedrooms for years because of his snoring. I thought they were odd too. Until recently when I just couldn't take it anymore. Having to care for 3 children throughout the day while sleep deprived is NOT good. We aren't conscious of each other while we sleep anyway, so it's not like we're missing each other. I see him in the morning when I awake well rested. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprimis Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) I have to admit, the thought of having my own room sounds.....dreamy ;) Edited July 9, 2011 by Imprimis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I have earplugs and a sleep mask BUT still I do need to get up at least once to go to the bathroom (ah, age) and I do need to turn over once in a while - hubby, who SNORES, is a very light sleeper and, once awake, can NOT get back to sleep for hours, so I spend too much time awake and trying not to wake him up as I slowly and carefully get out to bed, or roll over. I find we both sleep better if I take the living room. Propped up on a comfy chair, my feet on the slightly lower couch, is very comfy. In bed, I tend to get a neck ache or my arms fall asleep/cramp-up, too. Only when I am in the living room our 20-lb long-hair cat thinks I make a good mattress ;) Nothing like being woken up by a purring cat kneading one's chest area! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 My dh tried the c-pap but couldn't sleep with it. They gave him the full face kind that covers his nose and mouth and said it made him feel claustrophobic. It also caused him to sweat all night. Even when adjusting the water, it would fill up with moisture drops and get him all wet. He joked that the thing would drown him rather than help him breathe, but I know it was extremely uncomfortable for him. I know there are ones that just go on your nose, so I'm not sure why he got the other kind. He had a surgery that's not often successful but he was desperate after not being able to use the c-pap. It sort of worked, but he still snores somewhat. He knows he needs to lose about 40-50 pounds and that might help. His doctor wants him to have another sleep study, and he's going to ask about the c-pap that doesn't cover both nose and mouth. I just wanted to point out that not everyone is successful with a c-pap, unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Haven't slept in the same bed as my DH in 5 years. He is a terrible snorer and likes to "cuddle" and I can't stand people touching me because it keeps me awake. He refuses to go to a doctor and tells me to "just get used to it". I already get up during the night to tend to the baby - I'm not spending the rest of it lying awake listening to my DH make revolting noises.:glare: Plus he is dangerous to sleep next too - he has this fight response when woken suddenly out of a deep sleep - he jolts up with fists swinging. He punched me in the face once - so it makes me nervous to sleep next to him. I sleep on the floor in my kids room or share my DD's bed :glare: It's not comfortable but even there I get a better sleep. DH refuses to let me have my own room - if I don't sleep with him he isn't going to help me be comfortable (so he says) :glare: I'd still rather sleep on the floor then next to him. When my DS outgrows his toddler bed I am going to buy bunks so I can finally get a bed of my own. Next week he is going away on a business trip and I can't wait to finally sleep in a comfortable bed. I'll have to clean the room first -he keeps it like a pig (another reason I won't share with him -I can't sleep with mess all around. Edited July 4, 2011 by sewingmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Oh, I would love to sleep alone! If I told my dh that, he would feel incredibly hurt and rejected. I know because I've sort of lightly danced around the issue and I can see the wounded look in his eyes. *I don't like to be touched when I'm sleeping because it wakes me. *DH twitches every 24-28 seconds. Yes, I've counted. *He doesn't snore anymore--cpap was a miracle! *If he rolls, it disrupts my nest of bedding that was tucked around me, and I get cold, and it wakes me. *His breath is NASTY and if I roll over to face him when he's facing me, the stench alone will wake me up. *If I go to bed first and am not fully asleep when he comes to bed, his coming into the room will wake me back up. Even if we were in the same room, but in twin beds, I would love that. It's the touching and twitching and stench that bothers me the most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We are making a bedroom into dh's office/guest room. Once we have a bed/futon in there I think dh will start off sleeping with me and then move into there at some point in the wee morning hours. We both sleep better when we're apart, although we always DO sleep together. His snoring keeps me awake, I need noise to sleep, he needs silence, etc. Apparently my snoring also keeps him awake. We'll see, we haven't really discussed it yet but I'm constantly nudging him to roll over. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 A yup. Haven't quite figured out when to mention to kiddo that men and women do sleep together, sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I've never told anyone this IRL so I feel like I'm coming out of the closet: I do not sleep with my dh! There, I said it! :lol: Oh, yeah, he snores. AND he mutters to himself half the night! AND when he turns over I cringe every time because it's like an earthquake shaking the bed and I'm certain I'm going to be walloped by a flopping arm or leg. It's crazy! Plus, he goes to bed much earlier and gets up much earlier than I do. Love him to pieces, but I finally gave up and decided I can't sleep in the same room with him. We have a 3br house, so what once was our school room is now my bedroom, and a guest room in the rare instance that we need it. I am much happier this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We sleep separately most of the time. I have back issues - he has back issues and even with a sleep number we have trouble getting it adjusted to suit us both. I can't stand noise either and he flips and flops and I snore. My MIL is scandalized that we don't 'sleep' together. She says I'm asking for him to cheat on me. I tried to pass the bean dip and she would not stop so I asked her if that was the only place she ever had 'tea'. She hasn't brought it up since. We have a motto in our house - The best place for someone to sleep is where they sleep best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 W My MIL is scandalized that we don't 'sleep' together. She says I'm asking for him to cheat on me. I tried to pass the bean dip and she would not stop so I asked her if that was the only place she ever had 'tea'. She hasn't brought it up since. :lol: I love the direct approach to stickybeaks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagesavannah Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I admit, my dh and I do not sleep together either. I feel embarrassed about it.... But he snores SO loudly it's like a train in our room. I'm a very light sleeper and sleep best alone. Glad I'm not the only one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 At the moment dh and dd share a room. Except for last night, when she slept with me. He ought to be feeling spry today. I feel like something the cat dragged in because she snores too! :lol: He has a referral for a sleep study. I'm sure he'll ring up about it eventually, then maybe I'll let him come back to bed. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Plus he is dangerous to sleep next too - he has this fight response when woken suddenly out of a deep sleep - he jolts up with fists swinging. He punched me in the face once - so it makes me nervous to sleep next to him. ... DH refuses to let me have my own room - if I don't sleep with him he isn't going to help me be comfortable (so he says) :glare: Hmm, seems to me that your dh lost the right to dictate sleeping arrangements the night he accidentally punched you in the face. :eek: :crying: You must be a much more forgiving wife than I am, because I would have had him at the furniture store shopping for a new separate bed for me the next day! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I toss and turn all night because of my insomnia, so I'm always worried that I'll be waking him up all the time. Believe it or not, I actually get a better sleep even with the tossing and turning because I'm not worrying about waking someone up. My sister and her dh have 2 twin beds that they pushed together to make a king. They use king sheets and have a king headboard. She says the twin mattresses make it so she can't feel her dh tossing and turning at night. Plus, it was much cheaper than getting a king mattress set! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripetetra Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I really thought my husband and I were the people that did this. He snores so loud. I kicked him out about a year ago. He sleeps on an air mattress in the basement. Sometimes I feel sort of bad about it but then I remind myself of how wonderful the bed to myself is. I really don't think I could ever share my bed again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 thank you gals. I am so glad to know that I am not alone, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 we dobn't sleep together. we have a family bed, or more correctly 2 family beds. starting in 2005 after the first child came home, DH, who carries a gun, started sleeping in the guest room about 1/2 the time to make sure he got sleep and was safe. in 20076 as child 2 joined us Dh moved to the other room all the time (it is now known as Daddy Room). I love it. Dh seems to think he has to sleep cat-a-conor in the bed, and that sucks with just me there with him. Also he needs his sleep, is a light sleeper and can not go back to sleep if a child wakes him up. so he has his room and the boys are in the master room with me. Big Borhter sleeps with Daddy sometimes too, part of the night anyhow. My Grandparents slept in differnt rooms my entire life, so i don't think it is a big deal. we all get the sleep we need. I assume some day He'll move back to my room, but :) maybe not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We have separate beds, but they are side by side. I honestly don't care about noise when I'm sleeping. But I don't like my space being disturbed. So this works for us. And this way we can just ooze onto one another beds as desired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 We sleep separately, and have for a couple of years. He has gained a ton of weight and the snoring is so loud it can awaken the whole house even when he is on a separate floor. I feel badly (sometimes) but since I have offered ten thousand times to help him get healthy, to go to the doctor with him to get help, etc., and he has chosen not to, I refuse to lay awake all night. I am not surprised at how common this is, as I know several of my friends have separate bedrooms in their homes, most often a result of snoring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 We do all of the above. :) Sometimes we sleep together. Sometimes we sleep together but with separate blankets. On weekdays though usually I'm in the bedroom and he's in the guest bedroom. Those are the days we both need our sleep the most and though we don't have big issues we do sleep better alone. It sort of makes the weekends when we sleep in the same bed a treat. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 DH and I have never slept well together and have always had our own rooms. For us it is in a way part of our spirituality to also give ourselves and each our own space, and to have our own room to "be ourselves" in, our own sanctuary. Dh's room is full of electronics- he has his computer and TV in there and he watches TV till late. Mine is a meditation space with deliberately no electronics. So no, we don't sleep together and we are fortunately both ok with that most of the time. For many years the kids shared a room but we never have! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 While we don't sleep separately, we've definitely discussed it. I'm a light sleeper with occasional insomnia issues. He snores, plus he likes to stay up and read with the lights on. I think we'd be better rested in separate rooms. At the moment, we don't have the extra room. Maybe a guest room rather than a permanent setup - it isn't every night that it's an issue. We have separate covers, or I'm sure we'd have issues with that, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 we did until dh got the c-pap. It is better now I see someone else talked about the problems with it. He did get the kind that fits in the nose. They also make another one that some how has a mouth piece and fits on the nose. SO I'd work hard to see if you could find one to work for your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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