Wwyd? - Delicate Family Situation

[sahm99]

We are planning on baptizing our youngest son the same day that our older three children will do their First Communion (Catholic).

 

Because of different reasons we were only able to fix the date of the ceremony now.

The 7th of May is the only date where our priest is available, the church is "free", and the restaurant which we have picked for the meal is open and can be reserved.

Everything seemed perfect...until I talked to my parents...:001_huh:

 

They are in the process of moving and will leave their house (of 25 years) just one week earlier. My mom will be working (and travelling) the first two weeks of May. The week-end in question would be her only two days "off".

She could fly in on Friday evening (1h trip) and stay until Sunday night. Unfortunately she feels like it will be too much for her, and she will need to rest...

I am so torn over this situation!

 

On one hand, I understand how much she will be looking forward to some "down-time" on that week-end. She is working hard, and travelling and living out of suitcases is difficult at times.

On the other hand, I cannot help but wonder how much of that is just her being spoiled...and not making an effort she could do to be there...?

 

We have no possibility of rescheduling to a date close to the one we have. The next possibility would be October 1st, and this would come with a MAJOR increase in cost, as the restaurant we had counted on (a friend's...) will be closed for the season.

 

My mom got very defensive/aggessive immediately when I tried to convince her of the earlier date, so I don't feel getting back to her is worth it. She told me to choose whatever I "feel better about", and to base my choice "on my priorities"... I can't help but think that it seems to be more about HER priorities...?!?

 

I know, that if I go ahead and keep the May 7th date, this will cause serious tensions...also, I certainly would like to have my parents present on this important day in my kids' lifes.

...but then again, it seems crazy to overthrow an "almost perfect" organization, so my (healthy,strong) mother can have a peaceful week-end...:001_huh:

 

Please share your thoughts...I need help!

[Jean in Newcastle]

My parents are unable to join us for many important celebrations. We include them with lots of pictures and/or videos and cards. They, in turn, send cards, well wishes and sometimes (depending on the situation) a gift.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'd leave the date alone. Let it be a day for family and friends and tell the family that you hope they can all make the trip, but if not, you understand.

[Unicorn.]

I would not change the date. If it is important to her, she will be there. If not, (shrug), it's not about her. I know it is a difficult time for her, and she may not be up to it physically, but that's life sometimes. Are you going to video it, so she can at watch it later?

[Chris in VA]

I like having family in for things, but honestly, I would just go ahead and do what you had planned.

If she grumbles about priorities, you can always counter with the fact that apparently her "rest" was HER priority :glare: and it's too bad she couldn't suck it up for you.

[vonfirmath]

Don't change the date.

 

NO One made our child's dedication :( Oh well.

[milovany]

I'm not understanding why choice of restaurant is such a big deal when it comes to baptism/confirmation (I'm saying that inquiringly, not judgmentally).

[Trish]

I guess if I were grandma, I'd be thrilled that my only two "off" days happened to coincide with an event I'd really, really like to attend. I mean yeah, work is tiring, moving is tiring (although presumably movers are doing the heavy lifting?), but honestly, LIFE is tiring.

 

Special events like baptisms and First Communions are things that only come around once in a lifetime. I wouldn't want to miss that.

 

To me the "tired" excuse is a tired excuse, if you KNWIM. I mean, unless you're on chemo, suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome (or other debilitating illness), or are scheduled for a hip replacement, I don't really buy it. What is she going to be doing that weekend, resting, watching TV, playing cards, what? Would attending a sigificant family event and going out to eat be that much more tiring?

 

Just an added point, from a Catholic perspective, is that the whole Baptism thing is regarded as important. It's sort of considered spiritually risky to wait a long time to baptize a baby. At least, that's what my mother would be saying to ME if I proposed waiting an extra five months to baptize a baby.

 

So, take it with good cheer, tell mom it's important to get the baby baptized now, and you'll send lots of pictures.

[Joker]

I would keep the date that works best for you and send the family that can't make it pictures and videos.

 

I don't think she sounds spoiled though, she just knows her limitations. Traveling and moving takes a lot out of me and I see it getting harder on my mom and in-laws as they age.

[milovany]

I don't think she sounds spoiled though, she just knows her limitations. Traveling and moving takes a lot out of me and I see it getting harder on my mom and in-laws as they age.

 

:iagree:

[Crissy]

They are in the process of moving and will leave their house (of 25 years) just one week earlier. My mom will be working (and travelling) the first two weeks of May. The week-end in question would be her only two days "off".

.....

She is working hard, and travelling and living out of suitcases is difficult at times.

 

 

I cannot help but wonder how much of that is just her being spoiled...and not making an effort she could do to be there...?

 

:001_huh:

Moving, working, traveling, living out of a suitcase. That doesn't sound spoiled to me. That sounds difficult. That sounds like a situation in which there isn't room for one more thing, even if it is Very Important.

[H.S. Burrow]

We are planning on baptizing our youngest son the same day that our older three children will do their First Communion (Catholic).

 

Because of different reasons we were only able to fix the date of the ceremony now.

The 7th of May is the only date where our priest is available, the church is "free", and the restaurant which we have picked for the meal is open and can be reserved.

Everything seemed perfect...until I talked to my parents...:001_huh:

 

They are in the process of moving and will leave their house (of 25 years) just one week earlier. My mom will be working (and travelling) the first two weeks of May. The week-end in question would be her only two days "off".

She could fly in on Friday evening (1h trip) and stay until Sunday night. Unfortunately she feels like it will be too much for her, and she will need to rest...

I am so torn over this situation!

 

On one hand, I understand how much she will be looking forward to some "down-time" on that week-end. She is working hard, and travelling and living out of suitcases is difficult at times.

On the other hand, I cannot help but wonder how much of that is just her being spoiled...and not making an effort she could do to be there...?

 

We have no possibility of rescheduling to a date close to the one we have. The next possibility would be October 1st, and this would come with a MAJOR increase in cost, as the restaurant we had counted on (a friend's...) will be closed for the season.

 

My mom got very defensive/aggessive immediately when I tried to convince her of the earlier date, so I don't feel getting back to her is worth it. She told me to choose whatever I "feel better about", and to base my choice "on my priorities"... I can't help but think that it seems to be more about HER priorities...?!?

 

I know, that if I go ahead and keep the May 7th date, this will cause serious tensions...also, I certainly would like to have my parents present on this important day in my kids' lifes.

...but then again, it seems crazy to overthrow an "almost perfect" organization, so my (healthy,strong) mother can have a peaceful week-end...:001_huh:

 

Please share your thoughts...I need help!

 

Unless you know with 100% certainty that your parents will be there on October 1st, then I would keep the date most convenient for *you*. After living in the same neighborhood as both of our parents for a number of years, we've recently moved 1400 miles away. I know how hard it is not to have parents present at important events, but if they can't be there, then they can't be there. If you mom travels for business reasons, then she can't guarantee that she'll be available on October 1st unless she is self-employed. :grouphug:

[OLG]

I guess if I were grandma, I'd be thrilled that my only two "off" days happened to coincide with an event I'd really, really like to attend. I mean yeah, work is tiring, moving is tiring (although presumably movers are doing the heavy lifting?), but honestly, LIFE is tiring.

 

Special events like baptisms and First Communions are things that only come around once in a lifetime. I wouldn't want to miss that.

 

To me the "tired" excuse is a tired excuse, if you KNWIM. I mean, unless you're on chemo, suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome (or other debilitating illness), or are scheduled for a hip replacement, I don't really buy it. What is she going to be doing that weekend, resting, watching TV, playing cards, what? Would attending a sigificant family event and going out to eat be that much more tiring?

 

Just an added point, from a Catholic perspective, is that the whole Baptism thing is regarded as important. It's sort of considered spiritually risky to wait a long time to baptize a baby. At least, that's what my mother would be saying to ME if I proposed waiting an extra five months to baptize a baby.

 

So, take it with good cheer, tell mom it's important to get the baby baptized now, and you'll send lots of pictures.

:iagree: My thoughts exactly!

 

She is free to come or not but this isn't about her but a celebration of God and your children. Maybe after she thinks about it, she will change her mind. But if not, you can include her with the great suggestions of videos, photos etc.

 

Congrats to your kids and you too!!

[MeaganS]

Keep the date. Sounds like she need to just deal. My parents weren't able to make my daughter's baby blessing, but we Skyped it live with them so they were able to sort of be there. Maybe you could do something like that?

[sahm99]

Thank you for your responses...dh is thrilled;)...

 

...my parents are atheists...so I can't use the spiritual dimension of the day...

 

As for the restaurant: people will be coming from far...and we will be about 100!:001_huh: Being able to host everyone at our friends' restaurant is going to seriously lighten our budget...also, we go there all the time and it does feel like "our place"...

[AuntieM]

My parents are unable to join us for many important celebrations. We include them with lots of pictures and/or videos and cards. They, in turn, send cards, well wishes and sometimes (depending on the situation) a gift.

 

if you had many viable alternate dates, maybe. But what if she becomes unavailable in October? Would you reschedule that?

 

I actually first thought, "Wow! Imagine that! Of all the activity, your mom actually IS available on May 7.". At this point, she's just unwilling, not unavailable.

 

It's not easy living in a different town than your folks. But trust me, despite the disappointments like this one, there are really many advantages...

[v-girl]

I would keep the date. Get that baby baptized! :lol:

 

I'm sorry your mom is stressing you out when you are planning a joyous event. :grouphug:

[sahm99]

...one more thing...I know that she would be there for the October date, if she says so. My mom can be unflexible and egoistic at times...but she is about the most reliable person I know (and self-employed;)).

[Rivka]

I would keep the date that works best for you and send the family that can't make it pictures and videos.

 

I don't think she sounds spoiled though, she just knows her limitations. Traveling and moving takes a lot out of me and I see it getting harder on my mom and in-laws as they age.

 

:iagree: I was totally on your side until you started suggesting that you mother was "spoiled." Even if movers are lifting the heavy furniture, there's still an incredible amount of work involved in moving, and although you say your mother is strong and healthy, presumably she is not particularly young.

[Danestress]

It's easy at 30 to think that the aches and fatigue of a 55 year old are just being 'spoiled,' but I know my own Mom could not have handled that at 55 or 60. She's just not as young as she used to be, and she's not getting any younger. She's not unhealthy, but ... I don't know. Some people feel very frisky at 60 and others feel very tired. All that packing, moving and working sounds ... exhausting to me. I would be very very grateful that you weren't asked to come help with the move!

 

I think you should go ahead and do the ceremony in May, take great photos, let your Mom know you totally understand her absence, and go visit her in the new place as soon as you can. Don't lay a guilt trip on her about not being there - she has a perfectly valid reason. And don't let her lay a guilt trip on you about choosing the May date. It's just the date.

[milovany]

As for the restaurant: people will be coming from far...and we will be about 100!:001_huh: Being able to host everyone at our friends' restaurant is going to seriously lighten our budget...also, we go there all the time and it does feel like "our place"...

 

Thank you! That helps me understand. In our family, big events often aren't that well attended by family. Even though some live nearby and others live two hours away, we don't always attend each other's "big events" (only one sister and two of her kids attended our family's recent baptism into the Orthodox Church, which was FINE -- I think everyone chooses to not worry about it or let it bother them). So in my head I was thinking maybe 10-15 or so people. Thanks for the explanation!

Edited March 9, 2011 by milovaný

[BigMamaBird]

When my dh's Goddaughter received her first communion, we had two weeks notice. We traveled by car from Michigan to North Carolina with a 2.5 y/o because dh felt it was very important for him to be there. His cousin (the Mom of Goddaughter) would have completely understood if we couldn't have been there, she wouldn't have been offended or hurt. But at the same time, it was the date that worked for them and they wanted us there, but if we couldn't make it, life would go on.

 

If it works for your family, then that's the date you use. Of course you TRY not to hurt your extended family's feelings, but ultimately, your family's schedule is what needs to be priority. This is a major milestone in your daughter's life and it's about her, not other people choosing to be offended by imagined slights.

[GWOB]

As an adult, I have never lived close to my parents. We rarely consider their availability when planning major events. Even if they were available, they probably wouldn't come. I have little people to care for. I cannot worry about caring for grown, fully-functioning adults.

 

Keep your date. It works best for you and the 100 or so other people attending. Send your parents pictures of the event and call it good.

[sahm99]

...thank you all so much for your different point of views!!

 

...maybe "spoiled" is the wrong term to use under these circumstances. I am absolutely aware of the burden she will have to shoulder this month of May!

My mom, whom I dearly love and care about, can certainly react very spoiled at times...hence my insecurity in making a decision...

 

I posted this question to get help in deciding whether I should be sensitive to her needs, or whether it would be reasonable to expect her to make an extra effort...

[Halftime Hope]

1) I'm of the opinion that your mom is not trying to be spoiled (unless she is touchy habitually), but that she is feeling her age and limitations, and she was just being honest about looking forward to those days off to recoup a bit.

 

2) You need to be honest and tell her that you have to go with that date: it is simply the best for your family.

 

3) Ask her to consider her schedule with some time to think, decide if she can make it, and then let you know, if she can't come, how you can help her feel included in the big event. Would she like pictures? a video? or maybe she'd like to send a special greeting or blessing to be read to the children that day as her contribution to the ceremony. (I wouldn't mention a memento, b/c she might interpret that as you asking for "gifts".) Maybe the priest could mention that she and grand-dad have been the spiritual mentors of the family ( or some other verbage that would honor their role in your religious upbringing).

 

hth

[Ellie]

I'm not understanding why choice of restaurant is such a big deal when it comes to baptism/confirmation (I'm saying that inquiringly, not judgmentally).

Because Baptism/First Communion are very important events for Catholics, more so than with some churches (e.g., Protestant churches don't normally celebrate such a thing as First Communion), and it's common to have a big celebration afterwards.

 

I think the bigger issue would be the church's availability, but still, waiting until October, especially for baptism, just isn't ok.

[QueenCat]

:001_huh:

Moving, working, traveling, living out of a suitcase. That doesn't sound spoiled to me. That sounds difficult. That sounds like a situation in which there isn't room for one more thing, even if it is Very Important.

 

I was sort of thinking the same thing. That would put me over the edge. If it were me, I'd postpone. I'd want my mom there, rested and really part of the everything. I don't think she sounds spoiled at all, I think she sounds stressed to the max. Find a different place to eat, or cater at your house. Your children still have God with them, and Jesus in their hearts, even if the ceremonies are delayed.

[QueenCat]

I was sort of thinking the same thing. That would put me over the edge. If it were me, I'd postpone. I'd want my mom there, rested and really part of the everything. I don't think she sounds spoiled at all, I think she sounds stressed to the max. Find a different place to eat, or cater at your house. Your children still have God with them, and Jesus in their hearts, even if the ceremonies are delayed.

 

 

Replying to my own note.... didn't see your numbers originally so I would no longer suggest catering at home. What about catering in the church hall?

[Kathleen in VA]

:001_huh:

Moving, working, traveling, living out of a suitcase. That doesn't sound spoiled to me. That sounds difficult. That sounds like a situation in which there isn't room for one more thing, even if it is Very Important.

 

:iagree: I was totally on your side until you started suggesting that you mother was "spoiled." Even if movers are lifting the heavy furniture, there's still an incredible amount of work involved in moving, and although you say your mother is strong and healthy, presumably she is not particularly young.

 

 

 

:iagree: I'm only 52 and that would be too much for me. I wouldn't be able to come if I had moved recently. I'm just not that perky any longer. It is very difficult for families to arrange big events where everyone involved is able to make it. Schedules don't always allow. I'm sure she cares and wants to be there, but honestly, I think you're being a bit demanding. Just stick to your date and send pictures as others have suggested and don't take it personally that she just isn't up for one more thing in her life right then. I don't see that as selfish at all - just practical. Us old folks can only do what we can do, kwim?

[QueenCat]

Because Baptism/First Communion are very important events for Catholics, more so than with some churches (e.g., Protestant churches don't normally celebrate such a thing as First Communion), and it's common to have a big celebration afterwards.

 

I think the bigger issue would be the church's availability, but still, waiting until October, especially for baptism, just isn't ok.

 

Some Protestant churches do place MAJOR importance on First Communion. Lutherans are one example. Most churches I'm aware of place a heavy emphasis on Baptism. The biggest difference is that we don't believe it "saves" you. A believer who dies before being baptized still goes to heaven, as does a child who couldn't have made that decision yet. But it is still VERY important. My children were both baptized in the Lutheran church, and trust me, it was of major importance, and we celebrated afterward.

[blakereese]

My parents are unable to join us for many important celebrations. We include them with lots of pictures and/or videos and cards. They, in turn, send cards, well wishes and sometimes (depending on the situation) a gift.

 

:iagree: It really is about what is possible for you and your immediate family, and it would be GREAT if she can make it, but if not...well, there's photos, videos, etc.

 

I would hate to see you put it off until October...and then, will she make it then? It sounds like you have everything in line for the date in May, so I would go for it.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I know it can be disappointing, but you have to do the best thing for your family. :grouphug:

[milovany]

Because Baptism/First Communion are very important events for Catholics, more so than with some churches (e.g., Protestant churches don't normally celebrate such a thing as First Communion), and it's common to have a big celebration afterwards.

 

I think the bigger issue would be the church's availability, but still, waiting until October, especially for baptism, just isn't ok.

 

Oh, yeah -- I get that part. When we were baptized into the Orthodox church last year, it was a very big deal (rightly so), and we probably had 60-70 people there and at the meal afterward. But that doesn't necessarily mean extended family is all that interested (as I posted above). So that's where my question came from, not the importance of the event, and the reply helped me understand why this particular restaurant was important to them.

Edited March 9, 2011 by milovaný

[Mary in VA]

:iagree: I'm only 52 and that would be too much for me. I wouldn't be able to come if I had moved recently. I'm just not that perky any longer. It is very difficult for families to arrange big events where everyone involved is able to make it. Schedules don't always allow. I'm sure she cares and wants to be there, but honestly, I think you're being a bit demanding. Just stick to your date and send pictures as others have suggested and don't take it personally that she just isn't up for one more thing in her life right then. I don't see that as selfish at all - just practical. Us old folks can only do what we can do, kwim?

 

This made me laugh because I was just about to post that I'm 52 and even though I'm not that perky anymore I would go. Just goes to show different people react differently to situations. Age is not the only factor. I have moved all over the world, multiple times, and flown LONG distances many times (crossing lots of time zones), so I guess it just doesn't sound that hard to travel a relatively short distance for this big event. But maybe also the fact it isn't spritually significant for her personally lessens the importance? Would she be uncomfortable at this type of event? Some people are.

 

Just my 2 cents.

Mary

[LarlaB]

1) I'm of the opinion that your mom is not trying to be spoiled (unless she is touchy habitually), but that she is feeling her age and limitations, and she was just being honest about looking forward to those days off to recoup a bit.

 

2) You need to be honest and tell her that you have to go with that date: it is simply the best for your family.

 

3) Ask her to consider her schedule with some time to think, decide if she can make it, and then let you know, if she can't come, how you can help her feel included in the big event. Would she like pictures? a video? or maybe she'd like to send a special greeting or blessing to be read to the children that day as her contribution to the ceremony. (I wouldn't mention a memento, b/c she might interpret that as you asking for "gifts".) Maybe the priest could mention that she and grand-dad have been the spiritual mentors of the family ( or some other verbage that would honor their role in your religious upbringing).

 

hth

 

:iagree:

 

Agreed. Also, in your mom's defense...she may be feeling a tad overwhelmed. Getting ready to move & moving and is a very stressful thing (i'm in the middle of it myself, hence my empathy)....if someone came to me with anything to do/someone to be near our move, I'd have a knee-jerk "oh-my-goodness-no....I-can't-handle-another-thing". That's just me. ;)

[milovany]

Any chance your mom is wishing you could come help her with the move, and so she's feeling conflicted to begin with?

[Joker]

Any chance your mom is wishing you could come help her with the move, and so she's feeling conflicted to begin with?

 

I was wondering the same. My in-laws moved out of their home of 30 years recently and it was tough. They needed a lot of help from their grown children. (especially since so much stuff stored in the attic and garage was theirs:tongue_smilie:) It's just not the same kind of move when you've been settled in one place for so long. I would think she's feeling very overwhelmed.

[Carol in Cal.]

Maybe she was just thinking out loud and will change her mind later. Sometimes when people are overwhelmed or depressed they only think of themselves, but if they are basically loving, that is just temporary.

 

I don't see how you can wait on the Baptism, and I think that choosing not to be present is almost like skipping a wedding. It's VERY serious. However, that might not be your family's view of things, in which case you should definitely just schedule it and stick to your schedule.

 

I would think that your mom would come--it's a major family event, and she is actually free.

 

However, if she could but won't, what's to say that that won't happen again in October?

 

It's really tough when your extended family does not match up with your dreams of closeness--and the best thing to do is move on, in a cordial way, I think.

 

I would explain to her in detail why you have to have it in May--normally I wouldn't recommend this, but in this particular case, I think that it makes sense to do so. My guess is that then she will probably start feeling sorry for you and come. Don't count on it, though.

[Kathleen in VA]

Any chance your mom is wishing you could come help her with the move, and so she's feeling conflicted to begin with?

 

That and she may be feeling depressed about leaving her home of 25 years. She may not even be aware of it either. Could be affecting her overall outlook. Just a thought.

 

Oh, and I have six titanium screws in my spine, so that makes travel difficult for me. Guess that could affect my level of perkiness, lol.

[sahm99]

...:lol::lol::lol:...no, my mom is not expecting me to come and help (or secretly hoping for it...) But you just gave me an idea:

I might threaten her to come and help, IF she doesn't show up for our big day (and bring the kids, to help, too):lol::lol::lol:

- a moving company is doing the whole thing, from the toothbrush to the tiniest spoon.

 

My parents travel around the world all year long, literally, so they are used to that...moving is new, and certainly emotionally draining.

 

Gosh, I am so torn:crying::crying:

[Mom0012]

:001_huh:

Moving, working, traveling, living out of a suitcase. That doesn't sound spoiled to me. That sounds difficult. That sounds like a situation in which there isn't room for one more thing, even if it is Very Important.

 

:iagree:

 

Lisa

[bettyandbob]

For baptisms I invite family to church service and have a meal at my home after. I do the same for confirmation. So, I can't relate to the restaurant issue at all.

 

However, you set your date and people will come or they won't come. I know it's a big deal for your dc and you will be a direct supporter of their religious education. I'm not sure why you are expecting a command performance on the part of your mom and I'm not sure if or why she might be trying to give you a guilt trip in return. The most important thing is your dc making this milestone--the party is just a party after the important event.

 

I haven't read all the responses, but it sounds more like you and your mom are playing games with each other and probably have before. And really the focus should be on your dc's journey not who shows up to the party.

 

Sorry, if I'm too blunt. I'm very tired today.

[Parrothead]

Hon, it is her decision. Yes, it would be nice if she was there, but forcing the issue is not going to make it right. She is the grandparent, not the parent. At her age she is well aware of what she is missing. If she has been to the baptism of your other kids then she knows exactly how it is going to go.

 

Your children will be just fine. They will take their cue from you. If you make grandma out to be the bad guy you'll be the one in the wrong. Accept that you mother is busy. She has a life just as you do. I don't think you want anyone threatening you to make you do what anyone is expecting, why are you contemplating the threatening to mess up her move? That is selfish.

[JFSinIL]

My parents are unable to join us for many important celebrations. We include them with lots of pictures and/or videos and cards. They, in turn, send cards, well wishes and sometimes (depending on the situation) a gift.

 

Yup - my folks are in California. We are in Illinois. The idea of someone spending the time and money for anything less than a close relative's wedding/funeral seems a bit much, to me. Your mom WILL already be tired (I am tired just thinking of all she is doing now) and you are demanding a bit much. After all - a one hour flight also means getting to and from the airport...and security....it is far more than an hour, really.

Just my two cents. And I am Catholic ;-)

Edited March 9, 2011 by JFSinIL

[LizzyBee]

I would keep the date that works best for you and send the family that can't make it pictures and videos.

 

I don't think she sounds spoiled though, she just knows her limitations. Traveling and moving takes a lot out of me and I see it getting harder on my mom and in-laws as they age.

 

:iagree: I can completely understand her hesitance to commit to being there. I would go ahead and set the date and offer to send your mom a video. I would also explain that I'm sorry she can't make it, but October is longer than I'm comfortable waiting. Maybe she'll make it after all. But again, I understand her need to recognize her limits.

[Laurie4b]

How old is your mother? I can see this being a real issue. Until you get older, you don't realize how much. I actually think her saying that she needs the two days to rest is realistic. She is moving, then traveling for work the week before and after and you think she's spoiled for saying she needs to rest? I am mid-50s and I would be absolutely exhausted given what you describe her schedule to be . Yes, I would come to my grandchild's baptism even being exhausted, but if my daughter were telling me it was because she wanted the celebration to be at a certain restaurant....

 

To me the priorities are:

 

The baptism and first communion

Honoring your parents

A preference for a restaurant wouldn't come before #2.

Edited March 9, 2011 by Laurie4b

[HRAAB]

The older I get, the more I'm willing to compromise and stretch my planning to accommodate family. Twenty years ago, I would not have changed the date; today, if I could without inconveniencing others, I would change it to include my parents.

 

My feelings are largely influenced by the fact that both my parents have passed away, my in-laws are extremely elderly and failing, and if I could do some things over, I certainly would - even it put me out a little bit. Life is short, and family is very important. My opinion, of course. :001_smile:

[May]

Wild horses wouldn't keep me from the baptism of my grandchild. I'm soon to be 53 by the way. I think you should keep your date and rejoice with those who do come. Send Dad and Mom some pictures.

[CatMomof3]

that it is important to you that your mother to be with you and your children on a HUGE day. But this is not about your mom or even about you, it is about your children and their commitment to living the mission of Christ. I would not put it off to accommodate one person, even if that person is your mother.

 

Sorry if I sound harsh.

[chiguirre]

I'm in the middle of First Communion planning too. I think in your place, I'd just go with the May date and put together a nice photo album for my mom. You have 100 guests and are lucky enough to have gotten a nice venue that will hold them all for free. Plus, your parents are atheists and may well prefer to skip the ceremony (or not, I'm an atheist but I'm still excited about dd's FHC). If they weren't raised Catholic, I'm guessing they might prefer to skip the whole thing. I hope everything else goes smoothly. I only have one first communicant and about 30 guests and I'm stressing a bit. You have every reason to be on edge about the whole thing.

[jenL]

I haven't read all the responses, but if it were me, I would keep the date. Over the past couple of years I have learned that my immediate family (dh, kids, me) are the ones I need to be most concerned about, and I have to do what works for us. This does not mean we are selfish, it just means that we make our family the #1 priority - as it should be according to the Bible - We, of course, include all other family members, but it is THEIR choice if they come. I cannot feel guilty when not everyone can be included. That is just life, and life is busy. It is up to your mom to determine what HER priorities are. You can only control so much, and organizing 3 different venues is tough, especially when churches are steadily booked for months in advance. Keep the date, enjoy the day, and share pictures/videos with your mom if she chooses not to be there.

Edited March 10, 2011 by jenL