How many of you actually RSVP for parties you or your children will be attending?

[Jann in TX]

We had a birthday party for youngest dd (turning 6 on Monday) this afternoon. 4 of her friends called/RSVP by last night. One more called this morning an hour before the pary. Luckily I was prepared because we had 14 children show up. 3 of these were siblings of invited children.

 

I was prepared this year because of past experience--last year 2 called and 16 showed up! (funny since she only invited 10 children...)

 

Just wondering how you handle invites...and if you bring other children without asking.

[mommylaw]

I find that more people RSVP when I include an email address in the invitation.

 

I find it incredibly rude to not RSVP and then show up with siblings. Grrr :eek:

[Brigitte]

My experience with RSVPs for parties is that most people don't reply in advance because they don't want to commit in case something else (better) comes along or in case they don't feel like coming at the last minute. i have tried putting "Regrets Only," "RSVP by...." etc. and nothing seems to get people to reply on their own. When I have home shows, I tell my hostesses to call all their friends that they have gotten no response from or who have replied that they are coming to confirm that they are in fact coming. I do the same, only via email, for parties and such I have at home. It is pretty sad.

 

Brigitte

[Karen in CO]

I have learned to specifically note on invitations if siblings will be able to participate - some places we have had parties were not adaptable for younger siblings. I have also learned that of my dd's friends, more than half don't RSVP. Even if I give a RSVP by date and and email and phone number I still get some that show up unannounced. I have had mom's call after the party started apologizing that their child would be late. Really. grrr. It bugs me.

[Plaid Dad]

We always RSVP unless the invitation specifically says "regrets only" and we plan to go. Call me old-fashioned, but I think it's incredibly rude not to let your hosts know if you'll be there. How are they supposed to know how much food to prepare or how many goody bags to make up? And it's not okay in my book to bring other people (kids or adults) along unless the invitation says so, for the same reasons.

 

When we throw parties we always put "RSVP by [date a week before the party]." Anyone who hasn't contacted us by that date gets a reminder phone call. That usually does the trick, but we've still had people completely blow us off. Needless to say, they get crossed off our invite list!

[Karen sn]

to share with me.

[Daisy]

I seriously think this is a West Coast thing. No one RSVP's out here. At least not in my town. I. cannot. stand. it!!! It is a serious pet peeve. I always RSVP, even if it is just regrets.

[Michelle T]

unless I had permission beforehand.

 

DH loves having parties, both for families and adults-only, and it's amazing how many people don't bother to RSVP.

Michelle T

[Jennifer in MI]

I ALWAYS RSVP. And, I would NEVER consider bringing a sibling unless they had also been invited. We entertain often and we've not had this issue (but it's not children's parties, so maybe that's the difference?).

 

Grrrr . . . This would drive me nuts!!

[Anne in Hawaii]

Yes, I always RSVP because I'm incredibly annoyed when folks won't do that when I send invitations. It seems to be lost etiquette these days, though.

[Stirsmommy]

Yep I rsvp. But I have noticed if it is a family or adults only thing that people RSVP better the than the kids only parties. I don't know why. I mean I really need a better head count for goodie bags than I do for food for a party as I always over cook anyway.

Melissa

[Amy in NH]

Yes, I always RSVP. It would be rude not to.

I also agree with siblings allowed only if explicitly invited.

[Crissy]

We will RSVP when we receive an invitation, but I expect that most folks won't when we send one.

[JFSinIL]

And, if we can not make a party after all (ill kid) we call and let the person know.

 

That said - I usually do have to call folks and ask if little Tiffany or Bubba is coming to dd's party. And I have had to turn down the change to add an 18-month old to my dd's 10 b'day party (the dad wanted a free babysitter I think. We did agree to let the 6-yr-old sister of dd's friend stay...but I am NOT babyproofed anymore, much less able to watch a toddler when I have a passle of girls and messy projects/games lined up.)

[Laura Corin]

I RSVP and when I'm having a party and people don't respond I call them up and ask them why didn't they RSVP

 

I call up two days before and ask if people are coming.

 

Laura

[Rebecca in TN]

I always RSVP and I agree with other posters that it is rude not to do so. I would never bring along anyone not invited to the party. What ever happened to good old-fashioned manners and etiquette?

[WTMindy]

I rsvp, but I find I have to call people to find out if they will be coming. I can't imagine bringing extra kids!

[j.griff]

I RSVP if we are coming, if I'm not sure if we'll be able to I "RSVP" and let the host know that we will try but might not make it. I would not bring other children without asking first.

[JWSJ]

We always RSVP. And ask if siblings are alright.

 

Otherwise, there might not be enough cake.

 

And that is what is important, right?

[Hen]

I rsvp for parties we are going to attend, but I have to admit that I sometimes fail to rsvp my regrets if we are not going, which I know is somewhat rude... I figure not as rude as showing up unexpected I guess. (though now a days it seems no one calls in regrets, so I'm part of the crowd...)

[*LC]

I RSVP. When things have been crazy, there have been times when I have had to RSVP after the date. When that has happened, I ask if it is all right if my child attends. If it is an at-home party, last minute isn't that big a deal, but I would never show up without calling in advance. If the party is somewhere where they have called in a number, it could be a problem. Luckily, we haven't had this problem the few times I have called late.

 

I also think where the party is makes a huge difference in the sibling issue. If my child is going to a party at a place where the party-giver pays by the child, I never let the other sibling(s) participate. Usually, at something like this we would drop the child attending and run errands, etc. At a home party, I, especially with my younger kids, might stay with whatever sibling(s) I had to bring. The sibling(s) knows it is not their party, and they just stay with me. If there is extra cake and it is offered, I will let the sibling(s) have some. They do not take a goody bag .... unless we are the last to leave and it is offered. (I'm a big cleaner up at parties, so we are sometimes late leaving as we help clean.)

 

Three of my kids are having a party together next month to make the sibling thing easier for my friends. I'll have to see how the RSVPs go.

 

LC

[Jean in Newcastle]

I always RSVP. And frankly in today's world with e-mail, phone, cell phones - I don't see why anyone can't take the time to let you know if they are coming. Very few people RSVP to things I invite them to - and I have to admit that it gets me kind of steamed sometimes. Some have even been rude enough to say, "Well, if nothing better comes up, I might come. . ." But I let it go - and I am always the gracious hostess anyway!

[Tess in the Burbs]

I always RSVP and if the invite did not include the sibling I don't plan to bring them. I have been told when I called that the sibling is welcome too.

 

I too am always shocked at who actually shows up. I know now that one little girl will always be there and have a goodie bag for her ;-) I usually buy things in bulk for goodie bags(and now moving to candy/books) that are good for anyone and often throw it together while they eat cake when I have a better head count !

[K&Rs Mom]

I always do too, though sometimes I put it off because of my personal hatred of the telephone. Worst case, I'll call when I expect they're out and leave a message, so at least they know.

 

Since the response here is pretty unanimous, who ARE all these rude people showing up unannounced? ;)

[Jenny in Atl]

I usually touch base even if we are coming just to make sure things are still on and if we can bring something or help out.

[Philothea]

We always RSVP.

 

Though, we do not respond to "regrets only". I think it is rude to make a person contact you to tell you the "bad news" that they are not coming. I feel like I am being punished for not coming when people use regrets only, because sometimes it is uncomfortable to call someone up and tell them you are not coming. They always want a reason too, sometimes I don't have any other reason than I don't wish to go to a party that day.

 

I guess I have just been invited to too many parties with my in-laws that I had no desire to go to.

 

We are friends with so many families of four or more, and our invitations are always addressed to the "Smith Family" or the "Stone Family" indicating that all of their children are welcome. Our friends do the same.

[EKS]

My son's 6th birthday party.

 

OK, so I got the invitations out a little late, but we invited seven, two RSVP'd the night they got the invitation, one the next day, one the night before the party, and one the day of the party. Two just showed up.

 

I just assumed that they were all going to show up and got favors for seven.

 

I always RSVP whether or not my children can attend a party.

[Mrs Mungo]

Because of the nature of our social groups I assume the siblings will be coming. I always RSVP though. If people don't RSVP to me I usually call and ask them if they are coming. It may not be the proper thing but it sure makes it less stressful on me and most of my friends are pretty casual about it.

[Chris in CA]

I do, but I'm a type A personality,

I have to do it right away or I'll forget

[NancyinCA]

I try to rsvp promptly, although I do forget sometimes. When I call to rsvp, I also try to clarify if the invite was for all my kids or just the one.

 

When I am making the invites, I try to be very specific-"this is a family party and all are invited to stay..." etc.

 

hth (and I hope it was a fun party!):)

[nancypants]

I always do my best to RSVP in a timely manner but I confess sometimes it slips my mind until a few days before. I most LOVE getting e-vites because they are so easy to RSVP to (easy for the forgetful types like myself.) :o

[ArwenA]

I always RSVP, even if I'm not asked to.:) I like to be sure things are happening.

If someone doesn't respond when I ask them to I phone a day or two before the event. I think it is very rude not to RSVP, especially when please is written like this: RSVP PLEASE!!

[jubilee]

I most LOVE getting e-vites because they are so easy to RSVP to (easy for the forgetful types like myself.) :o

 

 

I agree! I RSVP only because it drives my nuts when people don't.

[Tap]

Sometimes, if I don't know for certain I call and ask if we can submit a "maybe" response. Then I let the mom off the hook and ask if that is ok or if she needs an actual head count for a special treat, game, or activity that is planned. Sometimes they say "yes, a maybe is fine" and sometimes they say that they have something planned and they really need a commitment. In that case, I leave it a "no".

 

I have had a dd in tears when we did a huge combo birthday for her and her brother and only the kids on ds's list showed up. Only 1 girl came and she only came because she was a friend of my son. I can't imagine doing that to someone else's child.

[sdWTMer]

but sometimes being human (and being forgetful) I do not. I always feel terribly guilty if I don't rsvp. I really do think that it is part of the culture today to not do it!

[Peek a Boo]

I rsvp.

 

not rsvp'ing isn't just a west coast thing. When we moved to upstate NY i sent out invites to a housewarming party. ONE person rsvp'd, so I didn't bother setting out a whole smorgasboard of food or clearing extra boxes outta the way. EVERYONE showed up. I made it blatantly clear that IF PEOPLE HAD RESPONDED there would have been more food ;-) i have absolutely no intention of feeling like a bad hostess to guests who never said they were coming. It actually turned out to be a pretty cool little party -the focus was on the people and activities instead of the food.

 

 

That being said, someone once mentioned a GREAT way to get people to RSVP: leave off a critical piece of information: date, time, or address. That way they hafta call to find out when/how to get there. Works like a charm the couple times I've tried it, lol. I also put down to RSVP because "supplies are limited". But for parties where it doesn't matter, i don't worry about RSVPs too much.

 

We always invite whole families, and I have been known to decline attending parties that split up family ["oh, I'm sorry, that's not going to work for our schedule"] then suggest that maybe WE can ALL get together in a couple days at McD's or the park.

 

My philosophy is this: if other people's presence is going to be a HUGE deal, then it is Up To YOU to make sure you verify their presence, whether they RSVP or not. Send out a save the date. utilize email, phone calls, and evites. Call several times until you get an answer. That may be a bit overboard, but unless you make it painfully clear that another's presence [or lack thereof] is important, they won't know that. And call last minute --maybe they were at the hospital, out of town, or ill. You simply never know what situations another may be dealing with. That's the optimist in me though :) I often couch inquiries in a 'not so big a deal' kinda thing, esp if I haven't received a reply: "Just wanted to make sure you aren't dead on the side of the road ro something, lol" -- of course, i don't SAY "ell -oh-ell" or "laugh out loud" heehee, but i do keep it lighthearted. And I do NOT use that line unless I am talking directly TO them!!! boy, talk about looking like a jerk if it was true...:eek:

[debbiec]

A lack of RSVP is a real pet peeve of mine as well. But, I will say, even living here in the south, a lot of people don't RSVP. When this subject has come up in some social situations, many people, which surprised me, thought that

 

1. RSVP meant to call if you weren't coming.

2. RSVP meant to call if you were coming.

 

Even people who were raised knowing that RSVP meant to call to acknowledge the reciept of the invitation and to notify the host of your intent, say times are changing, and to RSVP is a "courtesy," but not really expected anymore.

 

I'm hopelessly old fashioned. But, I have a good friend, who entertains a lot within the university/medical school circles, and she even has the same problem there. She has finally had to drop the RSVP on invitations and state, "please call xxx-xxxx or email xxxxx@ xxx if you plane to attend." People were still not RSVP'ing. She lately has moved to "please call xxx-xxxx or email to xxx@ xxxxx if you will not be able to attend."

 

Pathetic, I know. But she has had a little more luck with the last version. Personally, I start calling people about a day ro two before when they don't RSVP. I do this for two reasons. 1. They may have truly forgotten, 2. it reminds them that a response WAS requested. I'm not sure it really reminds them of anything, but it makes me feel good anyway. Maybe I should mention I am painfully aware I have RSVP righteousness.

 

Mrs. Manners Rules!

[sdWTMer]

I rsvp.

 

not rsvp'ing isn't just a west coast thing. When we moved to upstate NY i sent out invites to a housewarming party. ONE person rsvp'd, so I didn't bother setting out a whole smorgasboard of food or clearing extra boxes outta the way. EVERYONE showed up. I made it blatantly clear that IF PEOPLE HAD RESPONDED there would have been more food ;-) i have absolutely no intention of feeling like a bad hostess to guests who never said they were coming. It actually turned out to be a pretty cool little party -the focus was on the people and activities instead of the food.

 

 

That being said, someone once mentioned a GREAT way to get people to RSVP: leave off a critical piece of information: date, time, or address. That way they hafta call to find out when/how to get there. Works like a charm the couple times I've tried it, lol. I also put down to RSVP because "supplies are limited". But for parties where it doesn't matter, i don't worry about RSVPs too much.

 

We always invite whole families, and I have been known to decline attending parties that split up family ["oh, I'm sorry, that's not going to work for our schedule"] then suggest that maybe WE can ALL get together in a couple days at McD's or the park.

 

My philosophy is this: if other people's presence is going to be a HUGE deal, then it is Up To YOU to make sure you verify their presence, whether they RSVP or not. Send out a save the date. utilize email, phone calls, and evites. Call several times until you get an answer. That may be a bit overboard, but unless you make it painfully clear that another's presence [or lack thereof] is important, they won't know that. And call last minute --maybe they were at the hospital, out of town, or ill. You simply never know what situations another may be dealing with. That's the optimist in me though :) I often couch inquiries in a 'not so big a deal' kinda thing, esp if I haven't received a reply: "Just wanted to make sure you aren't dead on the side of the road ro something, lol" -- of course, i don't SAY "ell -oh-ell" or "laugh out loud" heehee, but i do keep it lighthearted. And I do NOT use that line unless I am talking directly TO them!!! boy, talk about looking like a jerk if it was true...:eek:

I like the leaving off some critical piece of information. Cool! Of course, I'm not the throw party type, but if I do I will use this piece of information. I also love the idea of e-vites. I always respond to those!

[OhM]

but sometimes being human (and being forgetful) I do not.

 

Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who forgets from time to time! I do try to phone regardless.

 

And like someone else mentioned, people are evenly split around here between "You only RSVP if you are coming" and "You only RSVP if you aren't coming"!

[HFClassicalAcademy]

I include phone # and email address for people to RSVP. If I don't have a reply 1 or 2 days before the party, I give them a call and ask if they've forgotten or if they are not making it. It works out well that way.

 

We always RSVP and never bring siblings over without asking. We are a whole family party inviters. We expect the whole family to come since our kids' friends' parents are also our friends! This lends to VERY BIG PARTIES!! But fun!

 

Liz in NC

[lynn]

I usually have to wait until the week before to see if we will be out of town. Then I just forget and people call me if they really need to know.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

We always RSVP.

 

Though, we do not respond to "regrets only". I think it is rude to make a person contact you to tell you the "bad news" that they are not coming. I feel like I am being punished for not coming when people use regrets only, because sometimes it is uncomfortable to call someone up and tell them you are not coming. They always want a reason too, sometimes I don't have any other reason than I don't wish to go to a party that day.

 

 

 

The irony is that I think "regrets only" came as a response to so few people being faithful with their RSVP habits.

[Blue Hen]

Always, always, always. Just plain rude not to but I know folks who never do respond.