Feeling Like a Real Loser of a Parent/Educator

[Blueridge]

Oh, there is crying in our home tonight. We've broken our dd17's heart. She is the most amazing kid you could imagine, just so smart and talented and fun. We've had her apply at the 3 private colleges that were near enough to commute to, despite their cost. We thought we were walking in faith. After all, we thought, they would give more aid than state schools. Wrong. After sending in beautiful admissions packages, attending stressful scholarship competitions, and waiting endless months, the offers are finally here. All 3 were about the same...around $25,000 in merit aid, and the other $10-15,000 in loans. Annually. We are heartbroken. She has worn the sweatshirt of her top choice all winter, and has totally bonded with the place. I hear her upstairs crying. We are to blame, for being so naive. For being so prideful. It hurts so very badly to break her heart like this, but we can't afford to have her saddled with tons of debt after graduation, not to mention the monthly payment plans of over a thousand a month for us! Goodness. I am just so sad I can't even speak to dh, who is now working off his extreme grief on the treadmill. I hate this. We've wasted so much time! I feel like we've let her down, that our homeschool just couldn't compare with other students and their accomplishments, and her only option is to go to a local community college that we haven't even investigated.

[jujsky]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't think it's anything you have/have not done. I was a very good student, in tons and tons of extra-curricular activities, and I still had lots of college loans. I think I came out of school owing over $25,000. I graduated college in 1998. It's just expensive. Private schools are often more-so. I've found that unless you're an athlete or a complete, over-the-top, truly unusually stellar brainiac, you're going to have loans.

 

I'm sorry your DD is disappointed. CC isn't bad. If I had it to do over again knowing what I know now, I would have taken a bunch of CLEP tests (didn't know those even existed until about 5-6 years ago) and I would have done my first 2 years at either a CC or my local state college. The debt truly isn't worth it.

[mommymilkies]

I'm sorry. :( Are there any Public Universities she could attend? Even with room & board they should be less than that. And there's always Oregon State Online to get started. It's less expensive than in-state tuition here and a really great (real!) college. And loans aren't the end of the world. It's always possible she could get more scholarships after that first semester/year when she proves her aptitude in college. That's what happened for me. :)

 

CC isn't a bad choice at all, too. Many exceptional students start at cc's for their wonderful affordability and access. Private schools are just ridiculously expensive. I was accepted to Duke several years ago but the financial aid package was pathetic, even with my wonderful grades and transfer record. Unfortunately we were not able to move to Raleigh, but looking back, I'm glad I didn't do it because of the cost!

[OLG]

Ginger, I feel your pain with this yet look at all you and your dd did accomplish! She got accepted and got terrific merit aid from three schools that you both desired. Is there anyway she could get a PT job and summer job to make up that extra $10K a year? There are very few schools these days where a student can get away with zero debt, I fear, except the live at home, CC route. This blasted college admissions process is just so stressful. Sleep on it. Toss out all options together and maybe an undiscovered solutions will emerge.

:grouphug:

[sandellie4]

Oh, I'm so sorry for all of you. :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

We had the same experience, but we contacted the financial aid office of our daughter's favorite and they did negotiate with us once we explained some family circumstances that affected our ability to pay. They figure out their offers based on an institutional formula -- they just insert numbers -- and then they discuss what they'll offer different students (or at least ours did). Anyway, with the revised financial aid package, we were able to send her. She'll definitely have debt, but not nearly as much. Our payment was dropped drastically due to the circumstances I gave them. I don't know if this is something you could do or not, but I just thought I'd throw it out there. We were devastated when our daughter didn't get the aid we expected.

 

Sandy

[Liz CA]

I know you are all in shock but the pain will lessen. It is probably not really an issue that your dd was homeschooled. Many schools cannot afford anymore to offer what they once offered in better times. This hurts people like you who don't want to go into debt for a degree. Totally understandable yet painful.

 

Community colleges are not all bad. Check out which one in your area has the best ratings/reviews. Tell your dd that after she completes CC, she can reapply to this college and it will only be 2 years of tuition to pay - perhaps you can afford this much easier - OR she can apply to a different university all together.

 

Don't think - even for a moment - that your homeschooling put her at a disadvantage. She probably received the same package as many others. Don't get discouraged and lose all motivation! Your children will be fine even if they do not get into their first choice university.

[KnitWit]

Oh (((((Ginger))))))

 

This is no bearing on you. Don't give up. Quickly check your other options.

Saying a prayer for you and your dd tonight

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Ginger, I feel your pain with this yet look at all you and your dd did accomplish! She got accepted and got terrific merit aid from three schools that you both desired. Is there anyway she could get a PT job and summer job to make up that extra $10K a year? There are very few schools these days where a student can get away with zero debt, I fear, except the live at home, CC route. This blasted college admissions process is just so stressful. Sleep on it. Toss out all options together and maybe an undiscovered solutions will emerge.

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: It's almost impossible to graduate without some debt these days, even at a state school. I've been out of college for 20 years, but I'm still paying back some loans, and I did get a lot of aid, like your daughter, which she did get. You should all be very proud. Contrary to the beliefs of some, I think the loans were totally worth it. I went to a small private liberal arts school, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. It made me who I am today, and I'm pretty happy with that! lol!

[KnitWit]

You know, have you gone back to her *top choice* and told them how very badly she wants to attend and asked them if they have ANY thing else they could consider her for? We were told several times that when a school knows someone REALLY wants to be there, they can work with them.

[kchara]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[momof3sofar]

Don't be so hard on yourself! My oldest DD is a product of the PS system and was admitted to a private Christian college and she too received the same amount in merit aide...we however were excited! With a state school you will most likely not receive nearly that much and loans will be even greater. CC is really a great option when college costs are out of reach.

 

For us, our daughter was able to get in on a program that pays her 5000 in tuition and 5000 salary by working with a church that partners up with her college. There are only 12 or so opportunites like this available but she did make it, that helped a TON. She is also a high honors student and a cheerleader (this came as a shock to us, she never had an interest in that before) so we are hoping that next year she will not need as much in loans as she did this year.

 

Have you done your FASFA for this year to see what your family obligation is? IF your daughter has her heart set on this school it really does pay to go and talk to the financial aide department at the school and see if they have any suggestions. My DDs school has been great, they have a high rejection rate so if they accept you, they want you to come.

 

Good luck to you both, if it is meant to be it WILL happen! :grouphug:

[Blackacre Farm]

I just want to let you know that student loans are not the end of the world for a young adult. My husband had to take student loans in college and I took a lot in law school. Anytime over the last 10 years that we have been in a financial bind, we have easily been able to get a forbearance on our loans, so it has never been a hardship.

We consolidated them several years ago and now we pay $350/ month for $78,000 of student loans. That's a lot more debt than your daughter would be saddled with and we don't consider the payment too onerous. We drive older cars and have the student loan payment instead of a car payment. Plus, all the interest we pay is tax deductible.

Maybe your daughter could talk to the financial aid department at the school she is really interested in attending to get an idea of what kind of payments she would be looking at after graduation. Just a different perspective for you to consider.

[FaithManor]

HUGS!!!! BTDT. DD's top choice school gave her the same package. It came to a 75% scholarship on tuition, but the room and board was $10,000.00 a year plus fees, plus travel, etc. It was out of state. She had been wearing their sweatshirt, flying their colors, etc. We have three other children to consider so a second mortgage was out of the question.

 

It's really hard at the time and a rough life lesson in economics. But, they do get over it. DD is very happy where she is now.

 

Faith

[Laurie4b]

Oh, there is crying in our home tonight. We've broken our dd17's heart. She is the most amazing kid you could imagine, just so smart and talented and fun. We've had her apply at the 3 private colleges that were near enough to commute to, despite their cost. We thought we were walking in faith. After all, we thought, they would give more aid than state schools. Wrong. After sending in beautiful admissions packages, attending stressful scholarship competitions, and waiting endless months, the offers are finally here. All 3 were about the same...around $25,000 in merit aid, and the other $10-15,000 in loans. Annually. We are heartbroken. She has worn the sweatshirt of her top choice all winter, and has totally bonded with the place. I hear her upstairs crying. We are to blame, for being so naive. For being so prideful. It hurts so very badly to break her heart like this, but we can't afford to have her saddled with tons of debt after graduation, not to mention the monthly payment plans of over a thousand a month for us! Goodness. I am just so sad I can't even speak to dh, who is now working off his extreme grief on the treadmill. I hate this. We've wasted so much time! I feel like we've let her down, that our homeschool just couldn't compare with other students and their accomplishments, and her only option is to go to a local community college that we haven't even investigated.

 

I can understand your pain and disappointment for her when you were hoping for more. But here's how I reacted: Wow, a $25,000 scholarship! That is wonderful! I'm not sure how you are thinking that is a failure. She does not have to rack up loans of $10,000 per year. She can work. She can also do cc for a year or two and work and save $$. She can ask for a deferment for a year, live at home, and work her buns off and save. This is NOT a failure. But if it is truly a closed door, I think it's best to see it from God's hand. He has other, better plans that will not be met through the doors He closed.

Edited February 24, 2011 by Laurie4b

[OrganicAnn]

I know you can't rely on this, but when I was in college they upped the financial aid every year I attended. I think the longer you go to a school, the more they want you to stay. So I wouldn't assume that just because that is the aid you get this year, it will be the same each year.

 

If she received a better aid package at one of the other schools, you can give the details to her first choice school and see if they will up their aid some. Don't do this unless you are really willing to go there if they up the aid a little.

 

Along these lines, endowments revenues may still be recovering (economy) so colleges might not have as much money to give now and they did in the past or as they may have in the future.

 

Could you swing 2 years at her first pick and then if after that she doesn't get more aid have a plan to go to a state school.

[FloridaLisa]

:grouphug:

 

Blueridge, the Lord did not bring you all this far to drop you now. He didn't. He has a plan for your dd's life. It looks grim now, but the Lord delights in doing what seems impossible. You never, ever know what is out there. I could tell you incredible stories of kids we know that had amazing experiences for two years at the CC. One got scholarships that (b/c she lived at home) funded a summer of overseas travel. Another made a competitive speech/debate team and competed throughout the country, earnings spots and scholarships when it was time to transfer. Only time will tell of the opportunities she may have for the next two years.

 

Lisa

 

ETA: Reading your title again makes me cry. Please do not beat yourself up. Everybody is making hard choices these days and your dd has accomplished MUCH. There is nothing loser about getting into 3 colleges and earning 3 large scholarships.

[Blackacre Farm]

I just thought of something else that could possibly be helpful. When I was going through this process as a Senior in high school, I had scholarship offers at a few different schools. I was originally offered a $20,000 scholarship to my top choice school, but my dad was able to negotiate a much better scholarship with the school. He simply called them up and told them I had scholarship offers at other schools and that although I would love to attend their school, I would need a better aid package. A few days later, they offered me a "Trustee Honor" Scholarship. I think it was $32,000 instead of the original $20,000.

I also negotiated a partial scholarship with my law school after they originally told me that I had not earned any merit based scholarships. A different school offered me a scholarship and I simply said that I could not attend unless I was offered a similar deal. So, maybe you could try to negotiate a better aid deal. It doesn't hurt to ask.

[2cents]

:grouphug:

CC isn't a bad choice. Our son went to CC for his first 2 years and he could have gone anywhere. We weighed the options and felt that it was more cost efficient to do the 2 years at CC and then go to the 4 year of his choice. The lack of crushing debt is something they will thank you for later. Nothing wrong with the CC. :grouphug:

[JessieC]

I don't think attendance at these schools is out of the question. She can work pt during the school year and ft during the summer, and take loans out for the rest. It doesn't sound like the debt will be excessive, and there are certain things she can do after she graduates to help forgive some government loans, such as work as a teacher or nurse or be an Americorps volunteer. I have 17k in student loans, and I only pay about $100/month toward them, which isn't too much of a burden to carry. Don't give up yet--think through the possibilities!

[edithcrawley]

40,000 in loans over 4 years really isn't that bad at all. Especially when you consider the cost of the college would have been 140,000 without any aid at all. Can she find summer work? That would get rid of a substantial portion of the amount owed. Also, if she graduates from there and is either unable to find a job or finds a very low paying job, the loans can be deferred for a few years longer until she is more able to pay.

[chiguirre]

She could certainly do cc for a couple of years, but do check out the cc first. Some are so overcrowded that's it's very difficult to get the courses you need. Some states mandate that state universites accept the transfer credit, some don't, so make sure that the credits will transfer to a better school. Could your dd look into ROTC or the national guard? That has an obvious downside, but she might find a niche that would let her study without being deployed.

 

Good luck!

[LibraryLover]

That sounds like a very good package. I am so sorry that it's not enough. I am so sorry your dd is devastated.

 

I don't have any advice except to say that it's rare for all but the wealthiest students not to take on any educational debt at all. Like a mortgage, it can be 'good' debt. (My thoughts about CC are mixed. If she did well on AP tests, it's not likely she would have had to take certain basic 101s, and sometimes this is all a CC can offer. Plus, not all courses will transfer. You have to be careful here and not waste her time or the money.) You should also call and talk to the FA offices; some can rework the packages, although it's not likely they can work it down to no loans.

 

I like like a pp's idea about deferring and her working her tail off for a year if it truly is impossible to attend now.

 

I can imagine how sad your family must be right now.

Edited February 25, 2011 by LibraryLover

[lmrich]

She can work and earn money while in college to pay for 1/2 of it. I did. I was a Resident Assistant - paid to live in the dorm and handle anything that happened on my hall. I worked in the library 1 hour a day. I worked at an after school program three days a week for 4 hours day. I worked all summer and saved it. When I graduated my debt was $15,000 and guess what - I worked in a title one school and all my debt was forgiven by the end of five years! Don't give up. Sometimes you have to work a little harder, be a little more clever, think a little different. If this is what she wants and what you want for her, give it a go and see what happens.

[QueenCat]

I can understand your pain and disappointment for her when you were hoping for more. But here's how I reacted: Wow, a $25,000 scholarship! That is wonderful! I'm not sure how you are thinking that is a failure. She does not have to rack up loans of $10,000 per year. She can work. She can also do cc for a year or two and work and save $$. She can ask for a deferment for a year, live at home, and work her buns off and save. This is NOT a failure. But if it is truly a closed door, I think it's best to see it from God's hand. He has other, better plans that will not be met through the doors He closed.

 

Work, yes. But don't assume those scholarships will be there for transfer students. Often, you must start as a freshman to get the good ones. Working in the summer should reduce the need for loans significantly, if the top choice is really what is best for her. Also look at state options. VA has some good ones, but you need to hop on it!

[lovemyboys]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

 

Sorry here too. Hope you find hope soon. :grouphug:

[Alicia64]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't think it's anything you have/have not done. I was a very good student, in tons and tons of extra-curricular activities, and I still had lots of college loans. I think I came out of school owing over $25,000. I graduated college in 1998. It's just expensive. Private schools are often more-so. I've found that unless you're an athlete or a complete, over-the-top, truly unusually stellar brainiac, you're going to have loans.

 

I'm sorry your DD is disappointed. CC isn't bad. If I had it to do over again knowing what I know now, I would have taken a bunch of CLEP tests (didn't know those even existed until about 5-6 years ago) and I would have done my first 2 years at either a CC or my local state college. The debt truly isn't worth it.

 

Yes. I couldn't agree more.

[Spy Car]

You know, have you gone back to her *top choice* and told them how very badly she wants to attend and asked them if they have ANY thing else they could consider her for? We were told several times that when a school knows someone REALLY wants to be there, they can work with them.

 

:iagree:

 

It certainly could not hurt to share with them some of what you have shared with us. Maybe there is a way.

 

I'm sorry for what you are experiencing at the moment, it must be terribly disappointing :grouphug:

 

Bill

[kalanamak]

:grouphug: Poor thing. Let her calm down, look into other things, make her way. The young spring back.

[justasque]

What is she planning to study? If it's something like dance, then taking on significant debt would be a challenge. If it's something more highly paid, then the debt might amount to very little compared to the starting salary she could earn when she gets out. Some math/science/engineering/computer jobs can pay a quite significant salary even to entry-level employees. $25,000 is an amazing amount of merit aid - more than most people dare to hope for, even if their kids are brilliant and accomplished. Take a deep breath, look again at your finances. Can she get a summer job? A school-year job? Does she have skills that would pay her more than minimum wage? Will she, after a few years of college? Did she qualify for any need-based aid? Have the schools given you the complete aid package, or just the merit information? Often the merit info comes with the acceptance and the whole package comes later. How does what they're offering fit with your FAFSA expected family contribution? I agree with others that you should talk to the school's financial aid office. But first take a look at how much you can afford, so you know what you're asking for. Very few people get a full ride. $10-$15K is not bad for a private college education. Not bad at all.

[Danestress]

Perhaps they would let her defer the deal for a year, and then she could live at home and work hard that year, save her money, and have a good portion of the amount she would need to borrow for the first year. Then she could work summers, weekends, etc, and perhaps reduce what she would have to borrow.

[ChrisOR]

I was sort of in her place, but not to the great extent of heartbrokenness ... just disappointment. I was valedictorian of my class, applied to several private schools and one state university (all were several hours from home). From the private schools, I got financial offers similar to the ones your daughter got. It was out of the question. My parents and I were not willing to take on that kind of debt either. The state school was still an option, but even with my straight-As, my SAT scores were 30 points less than the full-scholarship standard and I didn't qualify for it. I went to community college on a full tuition/books scholarship plus need-based grant money for living expenses. Then, I transferred to the state university on merit scholarships. I graduated with zero debt.

 

Things I am grateful for --

1. No debt.

2. Met my husband, who did the same ... community college, then state university.

3. No dorms/greek system as a freshman/sophomore.

4. While I thought I wanted a small, private school, I ended up really loving the big, beautiful state university campus and activities. We love taking our kids to the campus, and they get excited about college just being there.

[Blueridge]

Really, you all have helped me to calm down. At least I have some positive thoughts in my head so that I can get some sleep. :) I appreciate your kindness and helpful responses so very much! I'm going to write the director of financial aid and admissions tomorrow. Who knows, it's worth a shot. In the mean time, you have given us many other options to consider, too. She's just so very special, very gifted as a writer. I know that the Lord has a special plan for her...I just want to know what it is! Blessings to all~

[Happy2BaMom]

I vote for deferring a year & working, if SHE really wants this.

 

Don't go the high-debt route. I am in my 40's and have several friends who are STILL paying off college debt. Their jobs are comparable to the ones I held pre-kids (I went to a state school, and paid off my debt decades ago). Their debt level affects their house choices, their vacation choices, their grab-a-pizza-out-or-not choices. It's not something to take on in your 20's.

 

Best of luck. You sound like an AWESOME parent. You, the Lord, and your dh and dd will figure it out!!

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Most importantly :grouphug:

 

I do agree with those who have suggested going to the top choice school and discussing options. Deferment is definitely an option that should be discussed. As part of that discussion you should be finding out what impact her spending a year working would have on her financial aid package. The goal being to drop the loan amount not the scholarship/award amount.

 

I'm not sure that all financial aid packages are in line with the real life needs of students and their families.

[lakotajm]

 

 

CC isn't bad. If I had it to do over again knowing what I know now, I would have taken a bunch of CLEP tests (didn't know those even existed until about 5-6 years ago) and I would have done my first 2 years at either a CC or my local state college. The debt truly isn't worth it.

I attended my first semester at a private college, requiring a loan. Then I attended a CC and a state U. College, especially private, is so overrated. I got very little use out of my degree. So much money and time wasted. I would CLEP and online and CC if I had it to do over again, and this is what I have recommended to my dd14. Life is too short for all that debt, time, etc. for what?! When I graduated, I could not get a job using my degree-I worked at Cracker Barrel and then a local Moive Theater!:glare: At least I got free movie tickets. But that was not worth 5 years and thousands of dollars of debt! I only had one job that even required a college degree of any kind. And it only paid $21,000/yr. (which was a lot for me, but probably not what you are hoping for.)

 

Lakota

[wapiti]

I can understand your pain and disappointment for her when you were hoping for more. But here's how I reacted: Wow, a $25,000 scholarship! That is wonderful! I'm not sure how you are thinking that is a failure.

 

:iagree: From what I recall from twenty years ago, student loans were the first ingredient in almost any financial aid package, even ones with merit awards, and I assume the same goes today. That is a huge scholarship.

 

As far as taking on debt goes, obviously that's not for everyone, but it may well be worthwhile. There are a lot of factors that play into that decision, the primary ones being the sort of career she is hoping for ultimately, its corresponding income level, and the affect of the school name on career (a whole other topic that has been discussed on the college and/or high school boards, as well as the topic of a cc education vs regular college).

 

This is a time to pray for guidance. And, I agree with the advice to call the financial aid office to see if anything can be worked out. Even another 5k grant would be a huge help. Good luck!!

[iamrachelle]

What is she planning on majoring in?

 

I had quite a bit of student loans after I graduated from nursing school. However, the loans were deferred and a percentage forgiven and paid by the govt each year over the course of five years... paid in full but I had to work full time until they were paid off. If I had not been able to work full time then I would have paid them off on my own dime at a low percentage rate.

 

I believe the govt still offers this same program for nurses, teachers and law enforcement.

:grouphug::grouphug: and prayers going up for you tonight.

[renmew]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't think it's anything you have/have not done. I was a very good student, in tons and tons of extra-curricular activities, and I still had lots of college loans. I think I came out of school owing over $25,000. I graduated college in 1998. It's just expensive. Private schools are often more-so. I've found that unless you're an athlete or a complete, over-the-top, truly unusually stellar brainiac, you're going to have loans.

 

I'm sorry your DD is disappointed. CC isn't bad. If I had it to do over again knowing what I know now, I would have taken a bunch of CLEP tests (didn't know those even existed until about 5-6 years ago) and I would have done my first 2 years at either a CC or my local state college. The debt truly isn't worth it.

 

I haven't read all the replies, but this was my experience as well. I was a great student and qualified for 50% scholarship at a fancy private university. I still graduated with over $60,000 in loans that have burdened me since. I wish every day that I'd completed my first 2 years at a CC and then transferred to a public college. Really, no one really cares where I earned by BA. Tell your daughter she'll be so much happier 5 years from now when she is not saddled with so much debt.

[tex-mex]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't think it's anything you have/have not done. I was a very good student, in tons and tons of extra-curricular activities, and I still had lots of college loans. I think I came out of school owing over $25,000. I graduated college in 1998. It's just expensive. Private schools are often more-so. I've found that unless you're an athlete or a complete, over-the-top, truly unusually stellar brainiac, you're going to have loans.

 

I'm sorry your DD is disappointed. CC isn't bad. If I had it to do over again knowing what I know now, I would have taken a bunch of CLEP tests (didn't know those even existed until about 5-6 years ago) and I would have done my first 2 years at either a CC or my local state college. The debt truly isn't worth it.

 

:iagree: I grew up in a impoverished household. Was the first in my family to attend college. It was a big deal. But my family could not afford to pay the electric bill -- let alone help pay for my education.

 

As a result, I qualified for a Pell Grant, Cal Grant, EOP Grant, and scholarships. I had to work on campus for part of my grant -- but it also gave me money to live off campus with roomates. My grants and scholarships paid for everything. But that was a state university.

 

I decided to transfer to a private university in my junior year and realized I'd have to pay tuition/books/housing costs that were more than my grants and scholarships. So, I had to bite the bullet and apply for a student loan. And get a part-time job to help $$ costs. It happens. If I had to do it all over again, I'd skip the first 2 years at uni and attend a community college to save costs. I'd still do the private school as it was an amazing experience!

 

The $25K student loan was not that bad -- I ended up paying it off in 3-4 years after being hired as a schoolteacher in the public schools. I was by then married and hubs also had a full time job. We basically lived off one paycheck and used the other paycheck to pay off student loans. We were debt free 4 years later and homeowners. It is doable.

 

I am wondering where the notion that private schools offer lots of scholarships -- did someone tell you that? That is incorrect.

 

My heart goes out to your family, OP. :grouphug:

Edited February 24, 2011 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

She can work and earn money while in college to pay for 1/2 of it. I did. I was a Resident Assistant - paid to live in the dorm and handle anything that happened on my hall. I worked in the library 1 hour a day. I worked at an after school program three days a week for 4 hours day. I worked all summer and saved it. When I graduated my debt was $15,000 and guess what - I worked in a title one school and all my debt was forgiven by the end of five years! Don't give up. Sometimes you have to work a little harder, be a little more clever, think a little different. If this is what she wants and what you want for her, give it a go and see what happens.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Hubs and I did this in my Senior year and then a 2 year Master's program. We were newlyweds and Resident Counselors in the dorms. It was free room/board and I got a monthly stipend. Great deal!!

[Sonshine]

If she ends up deferring, she may want to spend some of that time studying for the AP/Clep tests. She may have to wait and take them after she starts college, as accumulating credit after she graduates from high school may make her ineligible to enter as a freshman and get those scholarships. However, she may be able to graduate in three years that way and save some money.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

:iagree: It's almost impossible to graduate without some debt these days, even at a state school. I've been out of college for 20 years, but I'm still paying back some loans, and I did get a lot of aid, like your daughter, which she did get. You should all be very proud. Contrary to the beliefs of some, I think the loans were totally worth it. I went to a small private liberal arts school, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. It made me who I am today, and I'm pretty happy with that! lol!

 

:iagree:

 

It probably depends a lot on the state, etc. But my Dh's student loan monthly payment options arent' very bad at all...very do-able.

[jld]

Don't go the high-debt route. I am in my 40's and have several friends who are STILL paying off college debt. Their jobs are comparable to the ones I held pre-kids (I went to a state school, and paid off my debt decades ago). Their debt level affects their house choices, their vacation choices, their grab-a-pizza-out-or-not choices. It's not something to take on in your 20's.

 

 

 

I have heard this, too. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, but I guess everybody has different debt tolerance levels.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I know it is very sad. Don't blame it on homeschooling though. My dd was salutatorian of her class of 600. She didn't get much more than they offered your dd. She is now taking classes,(brick and mortar and online), working (alot) and commuting. It's a hard row to hoe but we feel strongly against loans. When she gets down we tell her she'll 1) have a strong character and 2) be glad she can choose a job based on her desires vs her financial constraints.

[Joanne]

I'll be looking at this soon. Life circumstances have been such that there is no way we'll be able to help with college. When colleges want our info on fafsa, I will be in a professional capacity - but that won't reflect our finanical reality!

 

The country has hundreds of thousands of great kids. Colleges are for profit organizations. They can't offer everyone a free ride or substantially cheaper rate (although, don't get me started on the rides given to athletes ;):glare:).

 

Since I am incurring student loan debt as I type, it's obvious I am ok with student loan debt. For my under graduate degrees, I accepted scholarships, worked work study, worked off campus AND had student loans. (Which I paid to about 30 and still don't regret).

 

You AND your dd did great. Congratulations on the offers and acceptances!

[Jane in NC]

I'm going to write the director of financial aid and admissions tomorrow. Who knows, it's worth a shot. In the mean time, you have given us many other options to consider, too. She's just so very special, very gifted as a writer. I know that the Lord has a special plan for her...I just want to know what it is! Blessings to all~

 

May I make a suggestion? Your daughter should pick up the phone or write that letter. A sales pitch from a parent is not as effective as a sales pitch from the student herself.

 

At this point in the process, many schools will wheel and deal. She can explain family circumstances. She can tell them her plans for summer employment. Are they providing work study? If not, she needs to ask for it.

 

Good luck to her.

[Margo out of lurking]

We thought we were walking in faith.

 

You are, Ginger. I can't imagine how heartbreaking this must be for all of you. You've had great suggestions about contacting the school. You know God has a plan for Lindsey and that, whatever happens, she'll look back on this later and see His bigger picture. I'm praying for your family.:grouphug:

[Sherry in OH]

May I make a suggestion? Your daughter should pick up the phone or write that letter. A sales pitch from a parent is not as effective as a sales pitch from the student herself.

 

At this point in the process, many schools will wheel and deal. She can explain family circumstances. She can tell them her plans for summer employment. Are they providing work study? If not, she needs to ask for it.

 

Good luck to her.

 

:iagree:

:grouphug:

 

If she does not qualify for work study, ask about other employment opportunities on campus.

 

When you look at the package, bear in mind that estimated costs are just that. Some students spend significantly less in those areas than others. Look for areas where she might be able to spend less. Books and supplies are major expenses for college students. Buying used texts can save a bundle. So can using notebooks and other supplies left over from high school. Sororities/fraternities are also money eaters.

[happypamama]

No advice, just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you and your daughter. I'm sorry the situation looks so bleak right now, and I hope there are sunnier days ahead. It's so hard to wait for God's direction and timing, but His plan, whatever it is, will be more beautiful than any of you can imagine. Hang in there.

 

Also, wow, $25,000 in merit scholarships! Congratulations to all of you on a job well done with her education -- that is an impressive scholarship!

Edited February 24, 2011 by happypamama

[Halftime Hope]

Dear {{{{Ginger,}}}}

 

I know so very well what you and your family are going through, as we faced this last year with dd. She ended up going to what would have been her third choice school, but she is absolutely loving it--studying hard, playing hard, and *working* hard. In a couple of weeks she'll be home for spring break, and I'm betting she'll sleep for 3 days solid. :)

 

Your dd's merit aid is phenomenal--losers, my eye! Oh, big congrats to you both!!! :hurray::hurray:

 

I want to offer you a bit different perspective on it, but still in line with most of what the others have posted. You are now in the bottom of the ninth; the game is NOT over yet. Dd needs to gather all her facts and then call her favorite school, and perhaps the others as well, and lay out the way things stand from your family's POV and from the perspective of what she envisions for herself, i.e., what her potential is for earning an income that would allow her to pay off student debt. Then ask what they can do to help her. She should also ask if there is potential for additional departmental scholarships as she get into her upperclass work.

 

They might request further documentation of finances, and it might take them a few days to come back with a package, but give them a chance. One of dd's choices was able to come up with another 3K--that's a lot of hours working at min. wage.

 

It might be helpful if she and you or dh put together a spreadsheet of costs this weekend before she calls, so she has a good idea of what her total costs would be at the end of 4 years, and what her debt is going to look like. Know that most schools promise a fixed amount for 4 years, but tuition rises. Stub in estimated income as well, but in some areas of the country, it is really hard for students to get full-time summer work. YMMV. Do several scenarios with and without RA or work/study income, if she's interested in those options.

 

Then when you all hear back from the schools with their final packages, she (in consultation w/ mom and dad) can make a good decision.

 

Finally, from experience, the best place to be in the bottom of the ninth is on your knees.

 

Sending big hugs!

 

Val