Does Your Family Suppport Your Decision to Home Educate?

[kalphs]

This week's question is, "Does your family support your decision to home educate your child/children?"

[Mejane]

Yes, because we have proved to them it works by how accomplished and well-socialized our kids are. (See how I turned that whole 'why kids should go to ps' argument around? :001_smile:) They thought we were nuts in the beginning.

[mommaduck]

Yes on both our sides. They may have thought we were nuts when we first started, but the kids were young and they took the wait and see approach, knew I was a very active mother, and over time we've proven that it works for our kids. We even had a public school teacher in the extended family; she was the MOST supportive.

Edited January 26, 2011 by mommaduck

[NanceXToo]

Yes. I only had one relative who said she was against homeschooling in general (an aunt who is a retired schoolteacher) but even despite that, she said she would still support my decision- and times that we've shown her things my daughter has worked on, she has made positive comments.

[LisaKinVA]

I used to be able to say "yes" on both sides. My side of the family is a staunch supporter. They'd probably "disown me" if we put our kids in school ;)

 

My dh side of the family seemed supportive, but now we are regularly asked if our children will "ever be in school," along with their concerns about our children missing out on friends, learning enough...learning the "right" things... if they will be able to go to college... if they are only getting my viewpoint... blah, blah, blah...

[Barry Goldwater]

Yes, they've been great...had some questions and a bit of skepticism at first, but now that they see the results (academic, behaviorally, the whole person, etc), they're sold. Also, they get to spend lots of extra time with them for sewing projects, baking, farm activities, music jams, etc, and that would NEVER be available to them if they were in public school.

 

It helps that we never sought their approval to homeschool. It also helps that they have always treated us like adults...which is to their considerable credit. :tongue_smilie:

Edited January 26, 2011 by Barry Goldwater
forgot a comma

[Parrothead]

Somewhat. My dh's parents really don't voice an opinion. I have no idea if they are pro or con. My dad is great. He thinks it is way cool that we homeschool. My mom on the other hand is just now starting to come around. She was supportive in the K-1 years. After that she seemed to be worried about the big S. Her nasty comments just about did in our relationship. Since her visit last summer she is coming around a bit though. She tries to tell me how to homeschool now. I just smile and nod, smile and nod.

[elise1mds]

My parents are okay with it, and so is DH's father. My MIL, though, is extremely passive-aggressive about her refusal to accept that this is our decision. She loves to find snide little ways to insert her opinion. This week it was, "Sooo... where do you think he is academically compared to his peers? When are you going to get him tested to make sure?" Last week it was, "I'd never question your ability to parent your child, but I do worry about you and how well you'll hold up long-term. Do you want me to take him on Wednesdays so you can have a day off?" The week before? "So how often does he see people his own age?"

 

We're in our second year at home. He's extremely happy and is well ahead of his public school peers in most subjects. We don't test because we don't have to (that one nearly derailed her, which amused me).

 

I pass the bean dip a lot.

[dakarimom5]

My mother was on board until she found out I wasn't using a strictly Catholic cirricula. My inlaws think I'm nuts but I'm hoping that after they see the changes in my children they will get on board.

[dsmama]

My parents support us because they would support me in just about anything (for which I am soooo blessed). They worry about the impact on me, such as lack of personal time, but they see how well my kids are doing and how they get to pursue their interests.

 

My in-laws are another matter. I don't think my FIL really cares either way, but my MIL (DH's stepmom) has voiced her opposition from time to time, about how kids need to learn to live in society, deal with problems, etc. I mean, they are seven and four and she wants them to be bullied on the bus or something?? I have no idea.

 

I do my best to ignore her, be cordial, and be grateful that she doesn't try to influence them another way. But, she spends tons more time with the other grandkids (who attend an exclusive private school) versus my kids. Sigh.

[Tess in the Burbs]

not really. they rarely ask about it. if i comment i usually get weird comments back. it's a taboo subject really ;-)

 

and if we take a day off I get all sorts of comments!

[FaithManor]

My parents have always been supportive, if not thrilled. My in-laws did not at first but they were pretty quiet and respectful of it. Once they saw how dd was doing, they became fairly supportive of it for the boys. A few years after that, they were totally and completely on board. Dh's brother thinks we are nuts, but we don't spend anytime with he and his snobby wife/kids so it hasn't been a problem. His sister, the opinionated everyone should do everything the way I do - her life has been a mess too, but she married for money and thinks she's the queen of Florida - was very vocal and rude about it right in front of our kids two summers ago and so we don't have any contact with her. She came to visit mil this summer and dh was nice enough to pick her up at the airport which is the extent of his time with her.

 

Faith

[mom2denj]

On the outside, yes. They support our decision, but I think deep down they question it. They do not say anything negative, but it is just something I can feel whenever homeschool comes up. However, it doesn't bother me. I am confident in my decision.:D

[v-girl]

My mother never thought I could or should homeschool (I never did either). Until August 2009 when I felt I was being called to do so. There were signs from God and an angel sent to help me get started. I told my mother first that I felt I was being called to do it. Her response, "You can't ignore a call from God."

 

MIL cried because it meant our girls wouldn't be going to the Catholic school we all love (and it's attached to the in-laws' parish). But when she saw how happy we all were with our decision she was on board. FIL supports most of our decisions -- he's like my mom (don't ignore God).

 

My siblings both send their kids to ps, but they fully support my decisions and my sister knows she has a back-up if ps doesn't work out for her little Kindergartner (Aunt Veronica will homeschool her too if her teacher is a meanie ;)).

 

I don't really care what any other family members think. As long as I have my husband, mom and big sister supporting me, I can do anything! :D

[luvnlattes]

My parents do wholeheartedly. I think my in-laws do, but with a little reservation. It's my sister who has concerns.

 

Now that mine are getting older she's always asking me if I plan to continue in high school. If I she senses any uncertainty from me she'll start in....What about the prom?....Z-man would love to be in school; he's so social....How are you going to teach high school science and all those hard math classes?

 

So I've resorted to telling her that we're just taking it one year at a time. This is true in a sense, since you never know what the future holds. Although my hope is to homeschool all they way through.

[Margo out of lurking]

My mom and her s/o do. We could do anything with our kids, and they'd support our choice, so that's not necessarily a good thing. ;)

 

My dad and I no longer discuss hsing. He thinks my kids need to be socialized. (We live 3000 miles apart.) To my face, he was against it, but I suspect he brags about it to his friends.

 

As for my mil, sister, and bils/sils, it varies. If pressed by us, they'd politely say it's fine, whether or not they believe it. We don't ask.

 

We are adults, and our lives are not that intertwined. Family support, or lack of it, is of no importance to me/dh. In the same way, we may not agree on various choices they've made, but those are not topics for discussion either.

[happypamama]

Yes, they all support it. My parents homeschooled some of my younger siblings and are all for it. My ILs are as well, though I think they picture more of a school-at-home approach than we do (I'm more of a laid-back, life-is-learning, don't really use textbooks sort of person). I've heard both my parents and ILs say that they wish they had homeschooled DH and me.

[Plucky]

Yes, my mom wasn't so sure at first, then she adjusted. We still heard questions at junior high. People get more concerned the older kids become. Now she's seen that my oldest is going to college and everything is okay, in fact more than okay. It takes seeing families actually succeed at homeschooling for some detractors to get it.

[coralloyd]

My parent, definitely support us. They home schooled me when it was really unpopular. I think they would have a problem if we didn't hs. Dh's parents seem to be on board. I think things might change as the kids get older. They would not dare say anything though. They know just how hard headed I can be ;).

[kalphs]

My mother was supportive of our home education endeavor because her mother was home educated.

Plus she saw the decline of the 3 R's in the public/private schools in the geographical area in which she lived.

Dh's parents are not supportive of our home education endeavor.

According to them we are "Damaging Dd because we are teaching her to think logically and exposing her to history, literature, geography, world cultures/religions, music, poetry, art and science." However on the flip side they whole heartedly support Dh's sibling in their home education efforts to "isolate their children from the world" under the Biblical mandate of "Be ye separate" along with the indoctrination in the theology of the end times cult they belong to.

Edited January 26, 2011 by kalphs

[Night Elf]

Yes. We've never heard a negative remark. Both grandmoms are 100% enthusiastic and both even thanked us! :lol:

[missmoe]

My parents are supportive. My in-laws I don't think they are thrilled, but to be honost we've never discussed it in relationship to my kids. They immigrated to this country and I think they find homeschooling weird and un-American! It definately goes outside their norm. My FIL was amazed once when he saw a sentence that the kids had diagrammed. He told me he had diagrammed sentences at the private school he attended. I guess he was surprised I could teach the same stuff his expensive education taught him.

[mommaduck]

My mother was supportive of our home education endeavor because her mother was home educated.

Plus she saw the decline of the 3 R's in the public/private schools in the geographical area in which she lived.

Dh's parents are not supportive of our home education endeavor.

According to them we are "Damaging Dd because we are teaching her to think logically and exposing her to history, literature, geography, world cultures/religions, music, poetry, art and science." However on the flip side they whole heartedly support Dh's sibling in their home education efforts to "isolate their children from the world" under the Biblical mandate of "Be ye separate" along with the indoctrination in the theology of the end times cult they belong to.

 

How horrible you are...teaching a child to think logically and exposing her to such damaging subjects! ;)

 

:grouphug:

 

(my SIL homeschooled her kids for a long time and homeschooled the way your in-laws did...and they told everyone how *I* was dragging our kids to hell because of what I homeschooled like you do. Extended family eventually got so concerned with their kids' lack of education...really, it was intentional neglect...that they felt pressured to put their kids in a church school last I heard to avoid one set of grandparents from calling on them. I'm not sure if they are still in the school or hsing again as they've cut ties to nearly all family)

Edited January 26, 2011 by mommaduck

[sadiegirl]

I used to be able to say "yes" on both sides. My side of the family is a staunch supporter. They'd probably "disown me" if we put our kids in school ;)

 

My dh side of the family seemed supportive, but now we are regularly asked if our children will "ever be in school," along with their concerns about our children missing out on friends, learning enough...learning the "right" things... if they will be able to go to college... if they are only getting my viewpoint... blah, blah, blah...

 

same sort of feelings in our family as well...they all are very pleased with the level of education the kids have received but think that it is time for them to be in a "real" school! Mixed signals for sure!

[lulubelle]

My mother will tolerate me speaking about once in awhile, but generally we just don't speak about it much. My siblings are part of the don't tell, don't ask about it. IL's are the same.

[AmyinMD]

My mom and mil are not supportive at all. My dad and fil don't seem to care. The only time my dad mentioned it was to ask if we'd like a microscope for Christmas last year for our Science studies. Fil did once try to talk us out of it but it was at mil urging. He's left us alone since. My siblings and dh's brother have never mentioned homeschooling to us. None of them have kids but both my siblings are teachers. I think they feel it's not their place to say anything.

 

My mil is constantly sending us stuff on how highly rated Maryland public schools are. She's told me on several occasions that I was ruining her grandchildren. (She credits all of oldest dd's progress to the half year she's been in school with "professionals") Both mil and my mom have tried to get my older children excited about school and pushed them to ask us to go. As a result the first few years we homeschooled the kids were begging to go because the grandmas kept telling them how much fun it is. We did send our oldest this year and within the first week she told me she realized they lied to her. Plus they had told her no one gets made fun of anymore. :glare: We've have almost daily issues with kids giving dd a hard time about something. At least now my kids aren't believing it anymore but it took sending a child to school for them to realize it. Luckily they have dropped it with my younger children. My 6.5 year old twins have not begged to go like my older kids at that age.

[Jilly]

Everyone in my family supports homeschooling, as does my ex and his family. It helps that my brother and his wife also homeschool their kids. Out of eight grandchildren, five are homeschooled.

[littlebug42]

Well, on my side of the family, my brother and sister's kids are all homeschooled as well so that is a definite yes. I was nervous about telling my MIL but she has proved to be one of our greatest defenders. She even takes my book lists in her purse since she goes to a lot of thrift stores/garage sales, and she is always getting us books and school items. She has a brother that also homeschools now so she sees it from more than one perspective. I have been very blessed.

[Mommee & Baba]

To be perfectly honest. I don't know. I don't really discuss there take on our decision.

[HRAAB]

I don't really know. I've never asked. And, honestly, it wouldn't matter. I don't need their support. My parents have both passed away, my sister lives half way across the country, and my dh's family never says a word about our homeschooling. At least to our face.

[kalphs]

How horrible you are...teaching a child to think logically and exposing her to such damaging subjects!

(my SIL homeschooled her kids for a long time and homeschooled the way your in-laws did...and they told everyone how *I* was dragging our kids to hell because of what I homeschooled like you do. Extended family eventually got so concerned with their kids' lack of education...really, it was intentional neglect...that they felt pressured to put their kids in a church school last I heard to avoid one set of grandparents from calling on them. I'm not sure if they are still in the school or hsing again as they've cut ties to nearly all family)

Thanks Mommaduck!

:grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

yep. either that or they hide it very well.

 

I can just see my dh's blank stare that would communicate this: "Pardon me...is that your long pointy nose poking into my business??? I'm sorry...I must have misunderstood. I thought these were my kids that I could raise as I saw fit....I must have missed the memo that said I needed your permission to educate my kids however I please.":D

 

Actually, I think it would be rather funny to see that happen.

 

Seriously, they are very impressed with the academics that my kids receive and are pleased that they don't have to be exposed to the garbage that PS kids get to see.

[MrsBasil]

I've told my parents my intention to homeschool and they are supportive but quietly baffled. They became a bit more on board when I described some of the specific issues we had with our local schools and when I told my dad that I wanted to include him on field trips like hiking and camping.

 

It's just outside the norm, so it's not something he would have ever thought of. My mom is concerned about play time with other kids and she wanted to be the Grandma that went to school plays and that kind of thing.

 

My brother is concerned about socialization and that I would be teaching bad science. We had a great talk last time I visited him about different methods and curricula and what was possible. He did say that he feels like one on one teaching with a dedicated parent would produce an excellent education and that he's never met a homeschooler so he's going off stereotypes. He's a scientist and when I mentioned some of the math and science things I've found he was very interested.

 

My MIL is fully supportive, but thinks it's going to be a ton of work. Maybe too much so. My FIL has reservations about socialization and tells me at every opportunity. He thinks there's good opportunities for education though.

[JoyfulMama]

My parents are fully supportive. Dh's father is fully supportive, while his mother seems to have reservations. She kindly keeps those to herself, so I am fine with this.

My older brother is my strongest family supporter, while my younger brother thinks we are nuts (about many things - but he is great with loving us while keeping his opinions to himself). Dh's siblings? I don't really care.

Bottom line, I don't answer to any of them. If they don't support our decisions, I have no problem with that as long as they aren't sticking their noses in where they don't belong.:D

[Lilymax]

My side of the family is fully supportive of it. They love that we're homeschooling. It's great knowing I get NO flack from them about it.

 

My in-laws are divorced. MIL seems neutral about HS, but that's how she is. If she were a country, she'd be Switzerland! :lol: I'm not sure the woman has a strong opinion about anything. She's never said anything negative about it.

 

My FIL, and that whole side of the family, thinks it's awful of us to deprive our kids of the school experience. FIL says that it's not good for boys to spend that much time with their mother. Considering that he was a total absentee father, with five kids from three different women, all of whom turned out terribly with the exception of my DH--his opinion holds little weight with me. Thankfully, he's drifted back out of our lives again and we have little contact with the other relatives on that side (for other reasons).

[UnsinkableKristen]

My mom and her husband support us completely, mostly because my mom would totally have homeschooled my brother and I if my dad had okay-ed it.

 

Having said that, NOW my Dad thinks it is the best thing in the world and constantly brags on our kids and how smart they are and how proud he is of me for homeschooling them. He and his wife always ask if they can get us school stuff, and buy them educational gifts at Christmas/birthdays.

 

My IL's are less enthusiastic, but still relatively supportive. MIL is a PS teacher and while I think she would prefer our kids be in school, she does everything she can to help me out and always talks different teaching methods with me. FIL would really prefer they be in school, but every time he sees any of their schoolwork he mentions how well they are doing.

 

 

I guess the proof is in the pudding :D

[prairiewindmomma]

--

Edited November 10, 2021 by prairiewindmomma

[Impish]

Hmm.

 

My parents are supportive, b/c they know the horror stories floating around about ps. They are across the country though, so its pretty much a non issue. My Mom also has church friends that homeschool, she's seen how well they do, so that pretty much made her pro homeschooling.

 

My MIL wants to take over. She was a real teacher, ya know. Thankfully she also lives in another province, so its not an in your face issue with her either. I just don't discuss it with her, and if she brings it up, "everything is fine. Hows the weather?" generally works.

[HollyB]

Sort of. They don't ask much about it, and they change the subject whenever I mention it. My mom gave me some money last year as I was heading out to the used curriculum sale, which was a nice surprise.

 

I'm the "odd" one in my family, so they have never known what to think of me! Their style of support has been better than I could have hoped. We'll see how supportive they are when find out that we're homeschooling through high school.

[Puma Mom]

Maybe.

 

My dad: enthusiastically yes. He has homeschooled them himself in years past while staying with them when dh and I went on a vacation. He's probably the only one I would call supportive.

 

My mom: maybe, maybe not. It's not the normal thing, so probably not so much. But I think she likes that our time is more flexible.

 

My stepdad: yes. He sees the benefits, definitely.

 

My mil and fil: I have never heard an opinion one way or another from either of them.

[Farrar]

Yes.

 

They don't always "get" it and occasionally ask odd questions or seem to have (to me) unexpected assumptions, but both my parents and their spouses as well as my in-laws are always respectful of our decisions as parents and give the best support they can in every way. All 6 of the kids grandparents (I consider the step-grandparents too!) have said really lovely things to dh and I about what a great education and life we're providing for our kids. I feel pretty lucky to have them all.

[jujsky]

Mostly yes. My side is very supportive. My mom is a secretary at my old high school and she has seen first-hand how education has gone down-hill. Classes that were college-prep courses when I was in school are now honors classes, classes that were general ed are now college-prep, and classes that were remedial classes are now general ed. The thought of what the remedial classes are now make me :confused::confused::confused: My mom was 110% supportive, with her one and only concern at the beginning being socialization. She knows that I'm practically a part-time taxi driver taking the kids back and forth to all their activities so that's not an issue at all.

 

I don't really know where my ILs stand with it. They confuse us. So far, they've paid for the kids' curriculum every year. They often take the kids for educational day-trips during the weekend to museums, farms, exhibits, etc. They definitely care a great deal about their education, and offer me a lot of praise for how well the kids are doing. I think my FIL is totally on-board. My MIL seems to go back and forth. She will act 100% supportive, and then throw in one of her weird comments like:

 

"You can't homeschool forever."

"You should move out of that neighborhood and find one with a good school district."

"You should move to Massachusetts and put the kids in school."

"How will they get along in the world if they're never in a classroom? Homeschooling isn't real-life" (oh, yes -- and the classroom setting IS :tongue_smilie:)

 

I know these are very typical comments, but it's strange because most of the time she seems fine with it, but will randomly and without warning throw one of those gems at us. She is very much a follower. She is just as likely to come home from a vacation where she meets an awesome homeschooling family and talk about how great homeschooling is and how horrible public education is as she is to talk to her friends at work and throw some strange, negative comment at us. It's bothersome because we DON'T know where she stands from one moment to the next so it's hard to know how to react.

Edited January 26, 2011 by jujsky

[Mimm]

Yes. I have a couple brothers who probably wish I was using my degree but they are still supportive. No one ever says anything negative about it.

[Mrs.Gregg]

My Mother is supportive, she lives 3000 miles away and so isn't a part of our day to day life.

My FIL and Step MIL are totally supportive and on board. The fact that they are new homeschoolers too help. This is their first year homeschooling their girls (Our nieces that they have full legal guardianship of) and plan to continue to hoomeschool.

 

My MIL, whom I have a wonderful relationship with and would normally say is supportive of every decision DH and I make is politely supportive. Meaning she says she supports it but isn't totally on board but would never tell me this. Etc. I love the lady and the fact that us homeschooling allows us to visit of long weekends (she lives 4 hours away) whenever we want is a huge plus in her favor.

[nono]

Yes, both sides are supportive. There've been homeschoolers on both sides of the extended families before us, so that's helped tremendously. My MIL almost had a heart attack when my dh said he might keep me working and stay home to educate the kids. "But what will I tell my friends?" was her knee-jerk response. :lol: So, while she supports us in our home-education endeavor, it's only if we keep it traditionally gender-based. ;)

[2_girls_mommy]

Of my close family, only my mother (A P.S. teacher btw) is supportive. Tha is a blessing. But the rest: my P.S. teacher sister and her partner, no, my ps teacher uncle and his employed by the school district wife, no, their kids (also working in the school sytem) no, my grandparents, with whom I was always very close until I had kids, a big fat no.

 

I have 2 sisters and a brother who don't care either way, and are supportive of us, and don't say anything bad.

 

Dh's family I can't read, but they don't say anything. They think I am a goody two shoes, but I can think of worse things to be!

[Truscifi]

Yes. My in-laws homeschooled dh and his siblings. They wish I would include Bible study or something, but they don't bring it up (they know we are not a christian family) and MIL tries to help with any questions/issues that come up.

 

My mom and step-dad are very supportive.

 

My dad and step-mom are somewhat supportive, though they occasionally ask how long we are going to homeschool, and if ds is spending enough time with other kids. My dad in particular seems concerned about ds getting enough socialization but he wants me to put him in more extra curriculars, not ps. I keep trying to explain that with karate 5-6 days a week and a full day once a week class and play dates and field trips etc we really don't have time for much more.

[meggie]

I guess my in laws are, since they homeschool too. But they live 2500 miles away, we haven't seen them in 4 years and 95% of communication with them goes through DH who talks on the phone with them every week, but I don't really know much about what he tells them about us or what they tell him about their HS. Their main reasons for homeschooling seem, to me, to be for religious/protecting their children from the bad influence of PS. I don't think it's a bad reason at all, but my primary reason for homeschooling is for academic reasons. I don't know if they know that or not, or what they'd think about it if they knew (they can be very judgmental about other people, so who knows what they really think of me). But it doesn't really bother me.

 

My mom says she's supportive, but has occasionally sent me articles or said things that make me wonder. And again, I don't really care either way. She has said her biggest concern is how I'll get everything done (schooling plus taking care of the house plus the general responsibilities of caring for young children).

 

My SIL has often voiced opinions about how she sends her son to school because she thinks PS offers things that HS can't do. What those are exactly, I'm not sure. I don't know if she feels the need to defend herself so often because she's worried I'm judging her (again, don't really care what other people do with their children) or if because she thinks I'm wrong. When my son got his MathUSee curriculum and I made a post about it on FB, she asked if I'd seen the research about not giving formal math lessons until age 7. I said no and I didn't care.

 

My grandparents seem the most supportive, by saying how good we're doing. They even paid for my son's MathUSee curriculum.

 

My father, I don't talk to him. I doubt he knows or cares that we homeschool.

[Gratia271]

Yes, my family supports our decision to home school. Some occasionally inquire about high school outside the home, but they realize the benefits of homeschooling by virtue of the results they have observed.

[Dawn in OH]

My mom thinks I'm crazy to do it, but she does buy the kids educational materials when she finds them. She often comments on how surprised she was that (insert name here) reads so well, or that they knew something or another.

 

My sister in law recommends books for the older kids to read that she enjoyed as a child.

 

My Stepdad used to make a few rude comments about things the kids didn't know or couldn't do, but he hasn't made any in a long time.

 

That's all the family we have. I guess for the most part no one is against it, and my mom and SIL are supportive.