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Ugh, the neighborhood boys just knocked on my door...


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and asked if DS7 could come out to play. When he did, they ran away yelling at him to go away.

 

He ran back inside and is sitting in his room. :crying:

 

The real problem is they are all friends and if they come knocking on the door later, ds will run back out again to play. The mother of two of the boys saw this happening and told him to just go play with girls because they are being nice. He said no thank you, and came home.

Edited by Jumping In Puddles
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Oh man, my heart goes out to your little man. My mama-bear blood is boiling. I can't believe that the other mother just blew it off. So hurtful. My ds would do the same thing...go back and play with the meanies.

 

 

My ds 8 was chased off the playground by a girl with a stick....there were other kids watching, laughing and pointing at my ds. They thought it was hysterical that my ds ran away afraid. The mother came over and did nothing. Errrrghhh.

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Little jerks! I'd maybe go out and play something loud and fun with him in the front yard. Maybe involving a sprinkler and ice cream.

 

I'd stay out with him and then when the other boys come and want to play, *I* would tell them that they can't unless they can behave. Tell them that you hear what happened before and THAT is NOT to happen again, or else they will NOT be permitted in your yard. You probably will need to supervise if he wants to play with them later.

 

How annoying and obnoxious.

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My response to the mean kids..."Go home, you are no longer welcome here because your behavior is cruel and inappropriate." It doesn't sound nice but I'm learning that most of society enables bullies to continue acting like bullies. The mother can either get a clue and do something proactive about her children's character development or keep them home.

 

We did tell a pre-teen boy in our old neighborhood (physically aggressive young man that was warned twice about this) that he was to leave and never come back. Since his mother was an alcoholic and we didn't want to have a confrontation with her, we sent her a letter by registered mail stating that her son was not welcome on our property. She kept him home.

 

Faith

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We have had some similar things happen here with my 5 year old. He usually gets extremely upset and if they push his buttons enough, he ends up hitting (which we're working on). The only solution I have found is to go out and watch like a hawk so that I can step in when it looks like an issue is brewing. Often I wish he'd decide they're all not worth the trouble, but he's another child that will keep going back for more, trying hard to be a part of the crew. So I try to look on the bright side and treat it as a learning opportunity as much as possible. Some days that's easier than others.

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You know, I dont know if there is a perfect answer. We have dealt with this many times now. Heaven forbid you say anything to these children and their mother comes over to yell at you. Yes, this happened to me. My then 8 yog had this neighbor over all day, for lunch, for goodies, for dinner then we went outside to do fireworks (4th of July), another BETTER girl came out and the neighbor girl runs to her and holds her hand and does not speak with my girl the rest of the night. A few days later, this girl comes over again, all smiles and stuff and I said "Oh, are you feeling like being a friend again?" Next day, her mom comes over to tell me never to correct her child. Ok...

 

This seems to be the norm. So, cant talk to kids. That also means the parents are not receptive. All you can do is work with your dear one. Find other friends, other activities.

 

My dd as of a year ago, as decided she has cried enough tears over how her "friend" has treated her and has moved on. Does not care how loud this girl plays in her yard - she wont get my dd's attention again. I agree with her.

 

Kids can be cruel, especially when mom and dad dont REALLY care.

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Thank you all for the replies. :grouphug: FaithManor, Jean, Heather; All great ideas!

 

 

My ds 8 was chased off the playground by a girl with a stick....there were other kids watching, laughing and pointing at my ds. They thought it was hysterical that my ds ran away afraid. The mother came over and did nothing. Errrrghhh.

 

That is awful, ugggh, why do kids have to be so cruel?

 

 

CathieC, no the mother just shrugged it off. :cursing:

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If the kids return how about telling them what their behavior was? As in, "that was dishonest, pretending you wanted to play when in fact you wanted to bully someone. You need to leave. You can come back when you are being honest young men." It could be they've never had an adult spell it out to them. Not that that excuses, just thinking that spelling it out might help. Wouldn't hurt to have a tray of freshly baked cookies in one hand while you talked. ;)

 

I've come to the conclusion that many parents excuse this kind of behavior (think it's cute when they are little, or something they will outgrow, or that there's nothing they can do about it) instead of holding their child to a higher standard. My 9th last year had two 12th graders on the VB team that bullied. (And according to other girls had been doing this since elementary!) Not just on the court and in the locker room, they would send nasty texts! Can you imagine? I kept wondering what college and the workplace would be like for them. I confess it was my hope that once in a bigger pool they would learn they couldn't treat people like that and have any friends, but who knows.

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Little jerks! I'd maybe go out and play something loud and fun with him in the front yard. Maybe involving a sprinkler and ice cream.

 

.

 

 

:iagree: and a water slide if I could get my hands on one. On many occasions (in the awful neighborhood I write about below - and mind you, folks would kill to live in that neighborhood - I HATED it) DH and/or I would be outside shooting hoops, throwing water balloons, anything to make sure our kids were having more fun without the neighborhood kids than with them.

 

A couple of houses ago we were in a neighborhood (I HATE neighborhoods) and kids were always ringing the bell and knocking on the door. One Saturday morning, two of the girls in the neighborhood began calling for dd who was 9 at the time - they started at like 8am. :glare: Finally, at about 9:45, dd was ready to go out and they were all going to ride bikes. DH was handling the repeated knocking on the door. As the three of them went into the road, DH was just watching. He had not even closed the door, and our dd had bumped into one of the girls (accidentally) on her bicycle. The girl flipped out - starts yelling at dd, who was clearly stunned but did apologize. DH (who is not the most diplomatic person in the world with this stuff - and I don't blame him) goes into the road and quietly says to the two girls: 'You have been knocking on our door for more than an hour. 'DD' hasn't been out there with you for 1 minute and you are pulling this nonsense? Don't knock on the door anymore - she isn't coming out to play with you.' And, with that, he said to her: please go get your brother and sister. We're are going to take the bicycles onto the bike path and then ride downtown for lunch.'

 

And, THAT was THAT.

 

And the reason their mothers don't teach them better is b/c their mothers never learned any better.

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Absolutely you have an obligation to your son to handle this for him...if he were 12+ he can choose his friends a bit more readily, but 7 year olds are sooo trusting and deeply just want to play....I would have walked over there and first talked with the mother and tell her in a calm way that this is not tolerable and the boys owe him an apology...and/or go directly to the boys and ask them WHY they did what they did...let them THINK it through if their mom won't ask...then tell them they are not welcome at your house unless they respect YOUR rules which simply are to be kind.

 

Good luck and stay strong on this! Too many turn away and refuse to discipline, the mother is probably all too familiar with their behavior and feels her words have NO impact...but as much as I hate that phrase "it takes a village"..when the angry villagers come knocking on your door, it's time to have a meet and greet :)

 

Tara

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We're dealing with this this summer. The neighbor kids (who are dumb as stumps) told my son, "you don't learn anything homeschooling" and they call him names. It has been a really great opportunity to show my kids the difference between REAL friends and friends who just want to play with your stuff. It also reminds me why I spend so much time driving my kids to play with kids who are sweet, decent, potentially life-long friends.

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Little jerks! I'd maybe go out and play something loud and fun with him in the front yard. Maybe involving a sprinkler and ice cream.

 

I'd stay out with him and then when the other boys come and want to play, *I* would tell them that they can't unless they can behave. Tell them that you hear what happened before and THAT is NOT to happen again, or else they will NOT be permitted in your yard. You probably will need to supervise if he wants to play with them later.

 

How annoying and obnoxious.

 

 

:iagree: Only in my head I said "little ....." something else that can't be posted.

 

Mean people suck no matter what age they are. :glare:

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I wouldn't pussy foot around with words like "inappropriate". They probably aren't intelligent enough to know what that means. Tell them they are behaving like little @$$es, or jerks and to straighten up or leave.

 

Then get your biggest cookie dough roller and wait for the mom to show up. And give her hell.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I feel so badly for your poor ds, and for you, too, because I know that when someone is mean to our kids, we moms often feel even worse about it than they do.

 

I can't stand mean people, and it really enrages me when parents look the other way and say that, "kids will be kids," because there's no excuse for poor behavior.

 

Cat

Edited by Catwoman
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I hate living in a neighborhood for this very reason. Dh hardly plays out front because kids are so nasty around here. He's become great at standing his ground though - I guess that is a blessing...

 

I'm sorry your son had to go through this. It's absolutely intolerable.

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Twice, I've gotten the --boys will be boys-- excuse. The moms really felt they needed to be hands off when it came to top-dog stuff because that was real life and they didn't want their boys to be mama's boys.

 

I suppose my son will never learn what it means to step on somebody on the way up the social or work ladder. That could be bad or good, depending on the situation I suppose. Sometimes I wonder if I'm overprotecting but I was just so mad when those other boys were really mean. And one even hit him. The mom looked at me like I was nuts when I told her that was wrong. She said her boys hit each other all the time and my son needed to man up. That was the *last* time we were ever near that family. In fact, I left the homeschool group because of her. That day.

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Guest ME-Mommy
I wouldn't pussy foot around with words like "inappropriate". They probably aren't intelligent enough to know what that means. Tell them they are behaving like little @$$es, or jerks and to straighten up or leave.

 

Then get your biggest cookie dough roller and wait for the mom to show up. And give her hell.

 

:D the more I hang around here, the more I like you!! (Will you adopt me?? :lol: )

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Guest ME-Mommy

This is just AWFUL -- I detest this type of behavior. (and it's probably why my kids don't have a lot of "friends")

 

:grouphug: to your son...

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We're struggling with the neighbourhood kids being a bit nasty to my ds as well. His "best friend" lives next door, but whenever there are older kids around, he teams up with them against my ds.

 

It's hard to deal with, but what I'm thankful for is that at least our kids are around us to help deal with this. I dread to think about the lack of supervision and the same nasty kids at school.

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I wouldn't pussy foot around with words like "inappropriate". They probably aren't intelligent enough to know what that means. Tell them they are behaving like little @$$es, or jerks and to straighten up or leave.

 

Then get your biggest cookie dough roller and wait for the mom to show up. And give her hell.

 

Perfect! :iagree: :lol:

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I wouldn't pussy foot around with words like "inappropriate". They probably aren't intelligent enough to know what that means. Tell them they are behaving like little @$$es, or jerks and to straighten up or leave.

 

Then get your biggest cookie dough roller and wait for the mom to show up. And give her hell.

:iagree:In fact, I would have told them something to bait that mom over. For example, including, "Come back when your mom's taught you some manners...and you can tell her I said that."

 

But I'm a horrible mom:tongue_smilie:...no one listen to me. One time during football practice a boy grabbed my 50lb son by the head, whipped him around, and threw him on the ground. The boy had been "play" hitting and shoving him from behind for over 10min before this...this was the point I lost it and called DS across the field to give instructions how not to tolerate a bully. The next time he touched my son, DS turned around, grabbed his helmet grill, twisted and shoved the boy to the ground by it. That's all the wake up the boy needed...he was shocked my son did anything.

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Little jerks! I'd maybe go out and play something loud and fun with him in the front yard. Maybe involving a sprinkler and ice cream.

 

I'd stay out with him and then when the other boys come and want to play, *I* would tell them that they can't unless they can behave. Tell them that you hear what happened before and THAT is NOT to happen again, or else they will NOT be permitted in your yard. You probably will need to supervise if he wants to play with them later.

 

How annoying and obnoxious.

 

 

:iagree: ... and then the imp in me got to thinking and wondering

how much fun it would be for your son if he put on

a scary mask, and answered the door with a huge

growl ... Maybe I shouldn't admit to thinking this. :lol:

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sigh....

 

i'm sorry : (.

 

meanwhile, there is always the Other Path...

 

you could invite her and her boys for milk/tea and cookies. you could all sit down around the table together. you could mention how nice it is to have children the same age living near one another, and how sad you were that it hadn't worked out quite that way the other day. and then ask what we could all do to make sure that it didn't happen that way again. and then sit back and wait to see what happens.

 

worst possible case, you are about where you are now... best possible case you brainstorm solutions together, practice phrases of inclusion and then all have a good time together.

 

good luck!

ann

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I hate living in a neighborhood for this very reason. Dh hardly plays out front because kids are so nasty around here.

 

Wow - tough neighbourhood if even DH's are scared to play out front.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Sorry - couldn't resist picking on your typo. Now you'll tell me to go home because I'm not playing nice..... :D

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:iagree:In fact, I would have told them something to bait that mom over. For example, including, "Come back when your mom's taught you some manners...and you can tell her I said that."

 

But I'm a horrible mom:tongue_smilie:...no one listen to me. One time during football practice a boy grabbed my 50lb son by the head, whipped him around, and threw him on the ground. The boy had been "play" hitting and shoving him from behind for over 10min before this...this was the point I lost it and called DS across the field to give instructions how not to tolerate a bully. The next time he touched my son, DS turned around, grabbed his helmet grill, twisted and shoved the boy to the ground by it. That's all the wake up the boy needed...he was shocked my son did anything.

 

:lol:

 

That's awesome!

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We have had some similar things happen here with my 5 year old. He usually gets extremely upset and if they push his buttons enough, he ends up hitting (which we're working on). The only solution I have found is to go out and watch like a hawk so that I can step in when it looks like an issue is brewing. Often I wish he'd decide they're all not worth the trouble, but he's another child that will keep going back for more, trying hard to be a part of the crew. So I try to look on the bright side and treat it as a learning opportunity as much as possible. Some days that's easier than others.

 

There is a family that we're often in contact with. Their oldest son is easily overwhelmed by situations and reacts by hitting. He also hits in an attempt to be "one of the guys". When adults in the group recently objected to his hitting another kid, the mom's response was something along the lines of "I've been telling him for years. If you know a way to make him stop, do it." Our response was to tell the boy (who is about 12) to leave the meeting.

 

What is sad is that you can see the behavior on down through the younger brothers too. The family will come to a meeting and one will punch or hit the other. The mom is frustrated and overwhelmed, but also choose not to have consequences for the kids. Personally, I'd rather a meeting ended after a half hour than have to watch the kids hitting each other without correction.

 

Sigh.

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Kids can be so mean and the parents so useless! Boys are bad with the "toughen up" crap but just wait until you have to deal with preteen girls. They are the worst b****es ever. :glare:

 

My younger kids are still too young to deal with playing outside by themselves but I'm hoping they continue to enjoy playing with each other as they get older. Then we won't have to deal with obnoxious neighborhood kids.

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I suppose my son will never learn what it means to step on somebody on the way up the social or work ladder. That could be bad or good, depending on the situation I suppose. Sometimes I wonder if I'm overprotecting but I was just so mad when those other boys were really mean. And one even hit him. The mom looked at me like I was nuts when I told her that was wrong. She said her boys hit each other all the time and my son needed to man up. That was the *last* time we were ever near that family. In fact, I left the homeschool group because of her. That day.

 

:iagree:I don't want my son climbing over others to get to the top. He can learn to build his own ladder.

 

Boys that hit each other all the time can lead to men who hit each other, end up on a reality cop show, and land their a$$ in jail for assault. :glare:

 

My ds quit playing with the neighborhood kid too. His dad had a miscommunication or something with my dh, they won't give us a straight answer, so he decided our kids can't play together. Age is not a sign of maturity, but he probably acted like that as a boy too and people blew it off.

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Ugh, I'd be tempted to ask them, "Hey kids, I just baked some cookies! Ya want some?" And when they say yes slam the door in their faces. But that would be stooping to their level, I guess. LOL!! Kids are just stinky sometimes. :(

 

LOL! I love it. I would be tempted to try this one. :001_smile:

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Guest janainaz

I'd probably handle it wrong, but I'd hunt them down and give those boys a piece of my mind. And then I'd talk to their moms. I would want to know if my kids did that to a kid. That would never fly with me.

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That would really upset me.

 

We have a neighbor who I have just kind of stopped talking to, not rudely, just am not available for her anymore. Her daughter is a snot and says things to me in front of her mother that I find rude. The mother does nothing. She also herself makes snotty comments about homeschooling. We don't need that! We can find plenty of quality people to surround ourselves with!

 

So sorry.

 

Dawn

 

Thank you all for the replies. :grouphug: FaithManor, Jean, Heather; All great ideas!

 

 

 

That is awful, ugggh, why do kids have to be so cruel?

 

 

CathieC, no the mother just shrugged it off. :cursing:

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meanwhile, there is always the Other Path...

 

you could invite her and her boys for milk/tea and cookies. you could all sit down around the table together. you could mention how nice it is to have children the same age living near one another, and how sad you were that it hadn't worked out quite that way the other day. and then ask what we could all do to make sure that it didn't happen that way again. and then sit back and wait to see what happens.

 

worst possible case, you are about where you are now... best possible case you brainstorm solutions together, practice phrases of inclusion and then all have a good time together.

 

That's a great idea in theory, Ann, but in reality -- at least in my case -- when you try something like that, the kids will "yes" you to death, and the next day, they're back to their old ways.

 

It's sad, because when I was a kid, we all played together, and while there was an occasional fight, there was nowhere near the level of outright meanness I see in kids today. Some kids seem to be so conniving and nasty, and it seems like they actually take the time to plot against other children.

 

The kid we know that is particularly mean has parents who are always working (or out at the gym, the hair salon, the nail salon, having lunch with their adult friends...,) and then on the weekends, they have "date nights" and hire babysitters to watch the two sons. When we were kids, even the moms who worked, were home in time to make dinner and spend time with the family.

 

Cat

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Twice, I've gotten the --boys will be boys-- excuse. The moms really felt they needed to be hands off when it came to top-dog stuff because that was real life and they didn't want their boys to be mama's boys.

 

I suppose my son will never learn what it means to step on somebody on the way up the social or work ladder. That could be bad or good, depending on the situation I suppose. Sometimes I wonder if I'm overprotecting but I was just so mad when those other boys were really mean. And one even hit him. The mom looked at me like I was nuts when I told her that was wrong. She said her boys hit each other all the time and my son needed to man up. That was the *last* time we were ever near that family. In fact, I left the homeschool group because of her. That day.

 

You know what I am raising men not bullies. I am raising them to stand up for themselves but also not to go looking for a fight. Boys will be boys my eye. Those boys are going to be bullies because no one is teachig them how to behave like real men.

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