Boys and earrings

[Just Robyn]

My ds 8 just asked me if he could get his ears pierced. The answer was an immediate, "No." If he were a she, at this age, the answer would be the same from me. However, the thought that went through my head was, "You can get your ears pierced when you're 18." For a girl, I would have thought 12. That is exactly the kind of gender bias I got from my mom growing up and hated. It is also probably similar to my mom not wanting certain images (clothing, hairstyles etc.) for me because *she* didn't like them, as if any of that were so important. Isn't it what's inside that counts?

 

So, the question is, would you let your ds get his ear(s) pierced at the same age at which you would allow it for your dd? Why or why not?

[OrganicAnn]

I don't have a son, but I think I would allow it at the same time. Somewhere around early high school. I have a male first cousin that had his ear pierced. I think he only wore a stud for about 6 months and then let it grow back. If they wanted something radical (to me) - tongue, nose etc. I think it would have to wait till they were older (boy or girl) like 40.

[Stacia]

would you let your ds get his ear(s) pierced at the same age at which you would allow it for your dd? Why or why not?

 

Yes.

 

It's a personal style, not a permanent change (it's fairly easy to let the holes grow shut should it be desired).

[Wheres Toto]

Yes, a normal ear piercing I would allow at the same age or a boy or girl. The weirder facial piercings I wouldn't allow until at least 16 or 18 depending on what it was (dd just had her nose pierced with a small stud).

[JoyfulMama]

We talked about this when dd9 got her ears pierced in April. If ds asked to get an ear pierced at the same age, we would let him, provided he would be diligent about the ear care. My mom wasn't very thrilled with our answer. Yet we didn't discuss it with her - she wasn't very happy with dd's ears.

[EarleneW]

I had both my girls ears pierced as babies. My boys- when they turn 18 they can do it if they want. However at 12 and 7 they both say no way!

[ChristusG]

Whenever my child (boy or girl) could decide for themselves, I would allow them to get their ears pierced. We don't do baby ear piercing. My DH, however, would probably not agree with me about a son having his ears pierced. Right now we won't have to deal with that since we only have daughters (who are 6 and 3 and care nothing about having pierced ears).

[Tap]

I would allow ds to get his done at the same as dd. I offered to get ds's done when dd11 got hers, he would have been about 10yo. He refused....lol As I see the man ds is growing into, I can't imagine he would ever (!) consider it appropriate for himself.

[MamaT]

My oldest son got his ears pierced when he was about 17; my third son when he was 13. My other two sons have shown no interest. My third son who is now 16 hasn't worn earrings in about two years. No big deal around here.

 

I had both of my daughters' ears pierced before they were a year old. I wouldn't do that to a boy. :001_smile:

[happi duck]

I so regret ever having my ears pierced that I'd encourage any gender to take a cooling off period to be SURE they really want pierced ears.

[ereks mom]

I would allow ds to get his done at the same as dd. I offered to get ds's done when dd11 got hers, he would have been about 10yo. He refused....lol As I see the man ds is growing into, I can't imagine he would ever (!) consider it appropriate for himself.

 

Sounds about like us, except we said they'd have to wait until they were 13. EK took us up on it and had hers pierced soon after she turned 13. ER is almost 20 and still hasn't had his done--an probably never will. When he was 13, he did ask his dad's opinion, and dh said, "Why do you want to get your ears pierced?" ER couldn't come up with a good answer to that, so he opted not to do it. ;)

[fivetails]

It's not something that our ds11 would want - nor is it something he would be able to take care of himself (special needs), but I have no objections to earings on guys. :)

 

(neither does my dh - he has one of his own)

[pqr]

I have more "traditional" views on this and would be horrified were my son to request this. Others may raise their children as they see fit but when I grew up boys did not wear ear rings and under my roof they will not.

 

This is not an issue that would be up for debate.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I had DD's ears pierced as a baby.

 

If I had a son and he asked to get his ears pierced I'd say yes.

[Pretty in Pink]

We wouldn't pierce an infant's ears. I'd allow a child of either sex to have thei ears pierced, probably at 13.

[2squared]

My oldest had her ears pierced at 7yo and my other daughter can get hers when she is old enough to take care of them too. My sons, definitely not before they are teenagers, and even then, I hope we don't have to cross that bridge. I know it's probably somewhat normal in a large city, but in our rural community....oh, my.

 

I must admit to already putting stigmas in the boys' minds....no makeup, long hair, dresses, or earrings for boys. We'll see if it all sticks through the teenage years.

[MelanieM]

So, the question is, would you let your ds get his ear(s) pierced at the same age at which you would allow it for your dd? Why or why not?

 

Yes. For both kids, I would want them to be old enough to clearly understand what they're doing to their bodies. I'm not sure if that will be the exact same age for each of them, but my assessment of the situation and whether or not I would be an easy 'yes' would be the same.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I'm sure dh would say "NEVER", but if my boys wanted to get their ears pierced, I would probably make them wait until I thought they would be responsible for taking care of the piercings properly. At the rate they are going now, that might be when they are 15! :lol:

 

Same thing would apply to a daughter.

[Carrie12345]

Any of my kids can get their ear(s) pierced when they're capable of caring for them with limited reminders. None of either gender have chosen to take that plunge so far.

 

FTR, I have multiple ear piercings, but almost never wear earrings. Dh's ear piercing has pretty much closed up. Earrings aren't something our kids see as "typical" accessories.

[MeganW]

My ds 8 just asked me if he could get his ears pierced. The answer was an immediate, "No." If he were a she, at this age, the answer would be the same from me. However, the thought that went through my head was, "You can get your ears pierced when you're 18." For a girl, I would have thought 12. That is exactly the kind of gender bias I got from my mom growing up and hated. It is also probably similar to my mom not wanting certain images (clothing, hairstyles etc.) for me because *she* didn't like them, as if any of that were so important. Isn't it what's inside that counts?

 

So, the question is, would you let your ds get his ear(s) pierced at the same age at which you would allow it for your dd? Why or why not?

 

 

Clothing and hair aren't permanent. As long as the clothing isn't showing things it shouldn't, my kids will be allowed to wear whatever. If they want to dye their hair pink, fine. It'll grow out eventually, and they can laugh about it when they are 30.

 

Piercings and tattoos are permanent. Yes, sometimes piercings will close, but they don't always, and they often leave a mark. My girls already have their ears pierced. No other permanent changes to their bodies will be allowed as long as I am financially supporting them.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

If he wanted to pierce his ears I would let him. DH has one ear pierced and I think it's kind of cool.

 

ETA: I wouldn't mind the stud earrings but I would have a big problem if DS wanted to put gauges in his ears. I dislike the look of those and the holes cannot be closed without stitches.

Edited June 6, 2010 by The Dragon Academy

[Debora R]

Any of my kids can get their ear(s) pierced when they're capable of caring for them with limited reminders.

 

:iagree: My mom let me get my ears pierced just before I turned 5. I'd been begging for a while, and I kinda remember that. Still, I wasn't old enough to take care of them and had some problems. Also, I kept losing my earrings.

 

I had a friend who did body piercing, and learned a lot. As a result, I won't let my kids pierce their ears until they are at least 14, probably older...and I WILL NOT let them get their ears pierced with a piercing gun at a mall somewhere. We will find a reputable piercer who uses an autoclave for sterilization.

 

As for the gender difference....though I may not be as comfortable with my sons wanting an ear piercing, I don't think I would forbid it, though I would insist on appropriate jewelry (as I would for dd).

 

As for other body piercings for any of them....they can have those when they are living on their own.

[Haiku]

 

So, the question is, would you let your ds get his ear(s) pierced at the same age at which you would allow it for your dd? Why or why not?

 

Yes. If I'm going to allow body decoration, I'm not going to discriminate based on gender.

 

Tara

[tennismomkelly]

My oldest DS is only 9 so this question has never crossed my mind. My initial reaction is no. DH and I are pretty conservative. But, now that I think about it I feel pretty bad about about discriminating based upon gender.

 

FWIW, my dad got his ear pierced when he turned 50. I never said anything to my dad but I thought that it was an extremely odd thing for him to do. But, he likes it so that's all that really matters.

[Haiku]

But, he likes it so that's all that really matters.

 

My dad is 70 and has decided to get dragons tattooed on his inner forearms (he is big into martial arts and got a black belt at age 60). My mom isn't thrilled about it but I figure, heck, he's 70 ... if the man wants tattoos, he should get tattoos! (He's probably going to go with me when I get mine touched up.)

 

Tara

[Parrothead]

I'd have to say no. But I'd've lett dd get her ears pierced at 3 if she'd've asked. I don't mind longer hair and an earring or two on teen boys. I think both look a little odd on young boys. So if I had a boy he'd have to wait until his first teen growth spurt about 13/14 and get dh approval.

[cdrumm4448]

We are very conservative so there will be no earrings on ds while he lives here. DD can get her ears pierced when she can care for them. We were talking about it recently and she said,"No way!" to earrings.

 

On a funny note, when my husband and I were dating, he came home with one of those stick on earrings as a joke. I thought it was real and broke up with him on the spot. He thought it was hilarious, but I was serious. I told you we are very conservative.

[amyinva]

I'm a discriminator. No earrings on boys, but then we discourage long hair on them, too. No tattoos or other piercings for either, including multiple earrings for girls. Let the tomatoes fly!

[elegantlion]

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but he'd have to wait a few years. Dh had four earrings in one ear when we met, I thought it was cool. Dh has since let them grow closed.

 

Ironically HE might object, but I think he'd ultimately let it be ds' decision.

[Desert Rat]

I have 2 boys and they know they can have their ears pierced if they want them. My ds7 already wears his hair a bit long so he has no interest in anything that may make him look more like a girl. Ds10 isn't interested. My boys aren't interested in tattoos either. They've seen my healing ones and were really grossed out. :)

I agree with the PP that gauges are highly discouraged here.

[J-rap]

***

Edited February 28, 2023 by J-rap

[Caroline]

I don't know what I would say if one of my sons asked to get his ears pierced. My daughter has had a passing interest. We might get it done this summer.

 

A student of mine was rejected from enlisting in the Marines because he had one inch gauges in his ears. The Army did take him, though, under the condition that he did not make them any bigger. Just something to think about.

[Mejane]

I wouldn't have a problem with it; dh would. He's much more conservative than I.

[3littlekeets]

My 7 year old DS wanted his ears pierced and I don't have a problem with it, but we live in a very deep south conservative community. I explained that to him, and told him that other kids on his sports teams would be very cruel. He said he didn't care.

 

We went to Claire's and got magnetic earrings. After two days, HE CARED. Off came the earrings. It was a good trial run for him.

 

Sad thing is, he looked ADORABLE and they totally fit his punky personality :lol:

[pqr]

 

. But, now that I think about it I feel pretty bad about about discriminating based upon gender.

 

.

 

You are not discriminating based on gender you are simply holding to standards and recognizing that there is a difference between boys and girls. If you believe, like many, that men do not have earings then you are maintaining standards rather than bending to pop culture.

 

Bravo.... hold your line and feel good about it rather than bad about unwillingness to bend to the latest fad.

[3lilreds in NC]

Hmmm. This is a tough one for me. My younger dd would like to get her ears pierced, but this is the child who lost her glasses after having them for less than 3 months. I think she would lose her head if it were not attached, so no, I do not think she is responsible enough to take care of her pierced ears. I was allowed to have mine done when I was 13, and that's the age I have in mind for my girls. It's fairly arbitrary, I admit, but it's a good benchmark for me.

 

For Schmooey... I don't know. I would prefer that he not, and I don't think dh would allow it. But, it would be a LOT of fun to hear what his grandparents - all of them - had to say about it! :lol: I don't think my brother ever wanted his ears pierced, but he did go through a phase of wanting to grow his hair longer, and my dad absolutely refused. At first he said when he could pay for it himself, he could do what he wanted, but then when my brother got a job, he said "not under my roof." Ha. And it would send dh's parents right over the edge. It might be worth it just for the entertainment factor. (Apparently, I am not above using my children for my own entertainment.) If he's a responsible kid in most ways and fairly calm about it, I think we would let him - not sure I'd choose ear piercing as "a hill to die on."

 

I am so glad he's only 2. Egad.

[3littlekeets]

You are not discriminating based on gender you are simply holding to standards and recognizing that there is a difference between boys and girls. If you believe, like many, that men do not have earings then you are maintaining standards rather than bending to pop culture.

 

Bravo.... hold your line and feel good about it rather than bad about unwillingness to bend to the latest fad.

 

 

But, how is men wearing earrings different from the "fad" of women wearing pants? It IS gender discrimination, whether we call it a fad or not. We have arbitrarily set standards for men and women for no reasons other than "personal taste."

[Daisy]

We discourage ear piercings here. Note, I said discourage, not forbid. My daughter has problems already with rashes, allergies, etc. I had a horrible time with my earrings and finally stopped wearing them.

 

We haven't crossed that bridge yet. It is out of the question for both children before the teen years. I imagine though that long hair, dying hair, earrings, and such isn't going to be our Alamo, kwim? But our son would be hard pressed not to notice his parent's lack of enthusiasm for such a thing.

[pqr]

But, how is men wearing earrings different from the "fad" of women wearing pants? It IS gender discrimination, whether we call it a fad or not. We have arbitrarily set standards for men and women for no reasons other than "personal taste."

 

Of course we have set standards and yes many of them are abritrary, but that is not the point. If we hold to those standards and do believe in them then we should not feel bad about them.

 

Is it gender discrimination that I would not allow my boy to have earings? How about long hair, how about a skirt? Lipstick? How about a touch or rouge?

 

None of the above is discrimination and the use of a charged word like that tends to get people on edge. Boys and girls are different and one of the indicators of that is manner of dress. Why would anyone want to blur that line?

 

Before I get the complaints about "my son has them and he is as boyish...." That is completely irrelevant, many still believe that boys do not have earings and my point is that one should not feel bad about holding to standards nor should one get sucked into the false belief that it is discrimination. As I stated it is simply observing difference.

[Spy Car]

If you believe, like many, that men do not have earings then you are maintaining standards rather than bending to pop culture.

 

 

 

If you believe men DO NOT have ear-rings then you believe things that are demonstrably false, because many men DO have ear-rings.

 

Bill

[Daisy]

Deleted since Mods removed it.

 

Wow. Does this seem like a personal attack or what?

Edited June 7, 2010 by Daisy

[Cricket]

I have more "traditional" views on this and would be horrified were my son to request this. Others may raise their children as they see fit but when I grew up boys did not wear ear rings and under my roof they will not.

 

This is not an issue that would be up for debate.

 

My dh is the same way. He knew a guy that got his pierced because he had sailed around the Cape solo. Dh tells the boys that they would be allowed to get their ear pierced if they do the same thing. I guess if they did that, they'd be old enough to get an earring without our permission anyway if they wanted to. :D

[higginszoo]

My boys still don't have the hygiene level my dd had at the age we let her get her ears pierced (we tried to make reasonably sure that she'd be able to care for them, and she did -- she also did well with contacts at 10 and has never had any problems with them). We also have a 6 month 'cool down' period from first request before we'll let any child pierce their ears.

 

Other than that, if either of them had a desire to get pierced (I've actually asked them -- they don't), I'd let them go ahead. I'd also let them know that there might be times when it might be against a dress code (if they want to be altar servers at church, they can't wear them to church, some jobs don't allow men's earrings, the Boy Scout troop doesn't allow earrings with class A uniform, etc.), and that they'd have to come up with a plan to get around those things during the healing phase.

[A.D.]

Wow. Does this seem like a personal attack or what?

 

Yes, a rather passive-aggressive one. The poster in question seems to do this whenever someone questions his manly man/tough guy world views.

[Wheres Toto]

You are not discriminating based on gender you are simply holding to standards and recognizing that there is a difference between boys and girls. If you believe, like many, that men do not have earings then you are maintaining standards rather than bending to pop culture.

 

Bravo.... hold your line and feel good about it rather than bad about unwillingness to bend to the latest fad.

 

I don't know if I would call something that has been around for this long a fad. Men's ear piercings were popular among some Native American tribes. A mummified body was found with piercings that were expanded similar to modern gauges.

 

In the 1920's it was popular among sailors as a sign of status for those who had sailed around the world, or who had survived a sinking ship.

 

It became "mainstream" popular in the 1970's/1980's - which while relatively recent is still 30 - 40 years ago. Not too many "fads" survive that long.

 

A couple of sources for further info:

http://www.crystalinks.com/bodypiercing.html

http://www.ehow.com/about_4600397_men-first-start-wearing-earrings.html

[Aggie]

My dh is the same way. He knew a guy that got his pierced because he had sailed around the Cape solo. Dh tells the boys that they would be allowed to get their ear pierced if they do the same thing. I guess if they did that, they'd be old enough to get an earring without our permission anyway if they wanted to. :D

 

 

My dh, retired navy, told me the tradition is that men have their ear pierced if they survive a shipwreck, if my memory serves me (which it doesn't always these days!)

 

Obviously, ds will not be getting his ear(s) pierced while he lives at home. Our dds won't, either, though.

[Crimson Wife]

I don't believe it's discrimination to acknowledge that males and females are different. I would not forbid my DS from studying ballet or learning to sew or other stereotypically "feminine" activities. But when it comes to his appearance, DH and I have standards. No earrings, no makeup (except as part of a costume for Halloween or the stage), and no feminine clothing. I wouldn't care so much about long hair if he kept it pulled back but DH would say that's a no-go.

 

I don't want my son to grow up gender-confused. God created boys and girls to be different- equal in His eyes, but not identical.

[pqr]

I don't know if I would call something that has been around for this long a fad. Men's ear piercings were popular among some Native American tribes. A mummified body was found with piercings that were expanded similar to modern gauges.

 

In the 1920's it was popular among sailors as a sign of status for those who had sailed around the world, or who had survived a sinking ship.

 

It became "mainstream" popular in the 1970's/1980's - which while relatively recent is still 30 - 40 years ago. Not too many "fads" survive that long.

 

A couple of sources for further info:

http://www.crystalinks.com/bodypiercing.html

http://www.ehow.com/about_4600397_men-first-start-wearing-earrings.html

 

 

No doubt it is becoming more mainstream, but for those who still oppose it (look at the number of posters whos husbands have said no) there is no shame in simply stating that such behavior does not meet the standards in their family.

[nmoira]

Bravo.... hold your line and feel good about it rather than bad about unwillingness to bend to the latest fad.

I guess it depends how you define "fad." Where I've lived, it's certainly not been unusual to see boys/men wear an earring since I was in high school in the early '80's. And as my husband so lovingly pointed out to me yesterday, that was almost 30 years ago. :glare:

[Ravin]

Yes. Any non-permanent alterations (that includes small piercings that will close and usually heal easily, such as ears) are fair game for my children once they're weaned. I don't have any boys yet, but the rule for them will be the same as for DD. I see no point in double standards. Kids tend to self regulate gender norms (to an obnoxiously pink degree, if you're my DD), and I see no reason to impose those of my parents' generation on my children.