Whose responsibility is this? - a wee rant

[rookie]

If an acquaintance tells you they want to come visit you.

 

And, you offer to have them over for dinner.

 

And, the date is two weeks away.

 

And, the acquaintance knows that they only eat fish and have NEVER mentioned that before.

 

And, the acquaintance fails to inform you at the time of the invitation or at any other time before the day of the dinner.

 

And, the acquaintance informs you that she only eats fish five hours before the dinner.

 

And, you have already prepped all of the food and it is not fish but you offer to run out and buy a piece of fish so that she will eat.

 

And, the acquaintance - when asked what types of fish she likes - says that she prefers Chilean Sea Bass.

 

And, you know that Chilean Sea Bass runs $25.00-$30.00 a pound and although you love it you never indulge yourself.

 

And, you ask for an alternative in case there is no Sea Bass and acquaintance says that tilapia is "OK" knowing full well that there is an entire dinner prepared that did not include any kind of fish because I did not know that I was restricted to that.

 

Would you call the acquaintance a bit of an @ss?

 

I know that I feel like she is.

 

ADULTS - if you prefer to eat only certain foods and are asked to dinner (after asking to be asked to dinner!), I think it would be common courtesy to inform the hostess that you do not eat anything except xyz! If you forget to inform the hostess, be polite and prepare yourself to eat what she made and not request a special meal that will cost more than what she spends on her entire family in one meal.

 

This is not a matter of a food allergy - just preference. Even if it is an allergy, inform the hostess or eat what she cooked!

 

All done now. I am off to cook the tilapia!!

[Crissy]

Would you call the acquaintance a bit of an @ss?

 

 

Not to her face. ;)

[Pink Fairy]

Yep, definitely an @ss.

 

Did she catch you off guard, so you felt forced to offer her an alternative, or are you just a very nice person?

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it's incredibly rude to ask for something like Chilean Sea Bass when you are a guest in someone's home.

 

That said, nowadays? People are on so many diets and have so many food quirks? When I invite people I ask if there is anything they don't eat. I've had people at my house who do not eat: vegetables (crazy, I know), tomatoes, asparagus, brussel sprouts, mushrooms, red meat, cilantro, avocados, salmon, crab, all sorts of things! It's *crazy* what *grown people* these days don't eat! My kids eat more stuff than a lot of adults I know! eta: I understand things like red meat but it is the sort of thing you should inform a hostess of up front when the invite is offered. edited again to add: Example-I had a friend in NC who was on a low-carb diet. She let me know the first time I invited her to eat. It was easy to cut up cucumbers for her to dip in the crab dip instead of crackers, etc. I was perfectly happy to do lots of veggies to make up for the fact that she wasn't eating the starch.

 

It's best to ask and be forewarned.

 

If fish was the only flesh that I ate I would let a hostess know when I was invited like this:

 

"hey, would you like to come over two weeks from tomorrow?"

 

"I'd love to! You should know that I don't eat red meat or chicken. I'm fine with vegetarian or fish dishes. Is that okay? I'd be happy to bring something!"

Edited March 26, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Slartibartfast]

I would say "I don't buy Chilean Sea Bass because it is not a sustainable seafood, would tilapia suffice?"

[Parrothead]

Would you call the acquaintance a bit of an @ss?

That among other things.

 

I have food preferences. I would be sure to 1. tell the hostess that I will probably not eat meat at the time of the invitation, 2. Offer to provide a protein for the meal, or 3. Simply refrain from eating the meat all the while complementing the veggies and starch/grain components of the meal if I had not notified her ahead of time of my preferences.

[justamouse]

*jaw drops*

 

WHOA, that's rude.

 

What Mrs Mungo said.

 

I'da given her some Chilean sea bass...

[Slartibartfast]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins who are only allowed out on Thursdays, bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

[WishboneDawn]

I

And, you know that Chilean Sea Bass runs $25.00-$30.00 a pound and although you love it you never indulge yourself.

 

Chilean Sea Bass are also being horribly overfished so the aquaintence is not just an @ss but also a jerk. :)

[Mrs Mungo]

*jaw drops*

 

WHOA, that's rude.

 

What Mrs Mungo said.

 

I'da given her some Chilean sea bass...

 

Really...I agree. Saying "oh, I *prefer* Chilean sea bass" is like saying "well, I only eat lobster." Come on, pull your head out!

[Mrs Mungo]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins who are only allowed out on Thursdays, bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

 

:rofl:

[OhM]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Would you call the acquaintance a bit of an @ss?

 

 

Yes. Yes, I would.

 

And you are much nicer than I would have been. I probably would have said, "Oh, gee, it's too bad that I did not know that ahead of time, or I would have fixed <misc. fish dish> instead of the lovely <other meal> that I've already prepared! See you tonight; bah-bye."

[Margo out of lurking]

If an acquaintance tells you they want to come visit you.

 

And, you offer to have them over for dinner.

 

 

I'd venture a guess that this is what they've done to a number of "acquaintances" and this person doesn't understand why they haven't become "good friends."

 

If one has such an extremely limited diet, one should not be accepting dinner invitations into another person's home (unless it's a willing relative or close friend).

 

I think you're really nice, really, really, really, really nice, to continue to keep the invitation open. I would have come up with an excuse why I'd have to cancel--and then not issue another invite.

 

In defense, perhaps he (she?) has some sort of social issues that make him that way.

[Liz CA]

I think it's incredibly rude to ask for something like Chilean Sea Bass when you are a guest in someone's home.

 

 

She must be thinking she is going to a restaurant where she can order food!

As an adult - and even a child who has been taught in social graces, one can always find some food that is appropriate without offending one's hostess.

 

[Mabelen]

Unbelievable! I know no sea bass would have honored my table, fish sticks may be if I had been feeling particularly forgiving.

[Jumping In Puddles]

I would have said "I already have the meal prepared, but I would not be insulted if you brought over a piece of fish for yourself! See you tonight!!"

[justamouse]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins who are only allowed out on Thursdays, bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

 

 

LOLOL! *snort* THAT is a good one.

[LauraGB]

Yep. Voting A$$ here, too.

 

The really burning part of that for me would be that you invited them to dinner to spend time with them...food would be secondary. A discerning guest would offer to bring something to add to the table and enjoy the gifts offered by the hostess, while primarily enjoying the good company. Shame on them.

 

Did they at least offer to bring something, too?

[phathui5]

Sounds like your guest has bad manners.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would not be inviting them over for dinner again, no matter how close to dinner time it was.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

I would have said "I already have the meal prepared, but I would not be insulted if you brought over a piece of fish for yourself! See you tonight!!"

 

Oh, that's good. I'll have to remember that for some of my acquaintances.;)

[Ferdie]

That is strange that their diet is limited to only one source of protein. I thought eating fish every day wasn't healthy due to the mercury content in fish. They don't eat any other type of protein? Egg whites, bean or tofu??

 

Yes, I think they were rude and should have enjoyed the side dishes that were offered. You can cross them off your guest list.

[StephanieZ]

Said acquaintance is a total @ss, not just a bit of a one.;)

 

You poor thing! What a creep this person is!

 

I was vegetarian for many years prior to kids. . . I am now actually allergic to poultry, including trace amounts of broth, although I happily eat any OTHER kind of flesh, lol. So, I've had various dietary restrictions for most of my adult life. My policy has ALWAYS been to not say one word about it to anyone unless they ASK. If they know me well and have been around me eating, then they're aware about the (life threatening) allergy b/c I grill the poor wait staff mercilessly about broth/etc. . .

 

If someone asks me about allergies/diet, I always tell them "yes, I am allergic to chicken, turkey and their broths, so I can't eat anything that touches poultry or contains even a touch of broth. . . But, I adore bread, butter and all manners of veggies, so I always am delighted to eat the side dishes. Please don't go to any trouble!!"

 

I think it completely rude to suggest to you that she prefers an expensive fish. That is just outrageously obnoxious.

 

The person cannot possibly eat fish 21 meals a week. . . and to put you out to fix fish for her at the last minute is supremely obnoxious.

 

I wouldn't want to get to know this rude person any better than you already do. . . so, hopefully, there is some pressing business or other advantage to you in hosting this meal. . .b/c otherwise, it would surely be the LAST meal I shared with her!

 

FWIW, I do make a point to ask people for whom I will be cooking whether they or anyone in the family has/have dietary restrictions or allergies. I just know so many vegetarians and so many folks with food allergies that I find it easier to ask preemptively. I will try to cook accordingly, but for the non-meat eaters, they get vegetarian meals, NOT FISH except on rare occasions. Fish is tricky to cook, and good fish is expensive. . . So, I cook the meats I am confident with, and save cooking fish for when dh is home and using the grill. . .and good quality fish happens to be on sale, or whatever. I don't spend $25/lb on ANY KIND OF FOOD and certainly wouldn't be doing so for any routine meal.

 

UGH. You are a saint for not serving this boar fish spiced with a very special something. . .

[FaithManor]

What Mrs. Mungo said!

 

Oh, and this has to be proof positive that the world has gone mad!

 

Sheeeeeeeesh.....I will say this....I've had eating issues within our 4-H group. I usually only provide pretzels or popcorn for the snack and then water or if I'm in a really generous mood and think the kids can handle the fructose, juice (We don't go looking for ways to hyper the kids up.)

 

One mom appealed to me to provide her children with cookies, candy, cakes, and such because "that's what they expect when they go to other people's houses". I said in my best politically correct voice, that as 4-H leaders we take seriously our responsibility to role model responsible living and that includes the types of snacks we provide.

 

Chilean Sea Bass? $25.00 a pound. You are kind, really.....I would have responded that since our families have completely different eating habits and our budget is not so forgiving, that it would be best that we not have dinner together. THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE!

 

Faith

[Night Elf]

Oh my. That would be a real problem for me. I don't buy or cook fish. I eat it in restaurants but I definitely do not cook it at home. I guess I would have apologized and said something along those lines. The first thing that popped into my head was to suggest to this person that a better plan would be for them to come have coffee and dessert at the same time planned. And then I would eat dinner early.

[Renai]

Not to her face. ;)

 

Why not ;)? Actually, it depends on the relationship, but I would probably say something. Well, maybe. Like if she said she didn't like the way I prepared the fish or something...:glare:

[WishboneDawn]

And you are much nicer than I would have been. I probably would have said, "Oh, gee, it's too bad that I did not know that ahead of time, or I would have fixed <misc. fish dish> instead of the lovely <other meal> that I've already prepared! See you tonight; bah-bye."

 

Alternately, "Oh shucks, I didn't make fish. But I do have some nice fish-flavoured Whiskas in the cupboard."

[daisychics]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins who are only allowed out on Thursdays, bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

 

:lol::rofl:

A close friend of ours grilled steaks rare:ack2: (I prefer well done) and I ate it all up. My husband could not stop laughing because he knows how very picky I am.

[*Inna*]

I would have said "I already have the meal prepared, but I would not be insulted if you brought over a piece of fish for yourself! See you tonight!!"

:iagree:

[Jeannie in NJ]

I would have canceled the dinner invite (even if it was only 5 hours till dinner). You don't need her as a friend.

[Ellie]

See now, I would have not gone out and gotten the fish. I cater to allergies, religious food issues and preferences based on strong conviction as much as I can (my bff has too many allergies for anything made in my home to be safe for her), infantile adults - not so much. Yes, she is acting like a spoiled child so your assessment is correct. I can't imagine I would pursue a relationship with a person so inconsiderate. I am going to guess that she will stay an acquaintance and nothing more to you.

:iagree:

 

I always ask people I'm inviting over for the first time if they have any allergies or other issues, because I have several friends with severe allergies and I want my guests to enjoy themselves, but I don't generally ask if they prefer beef to chicken or anything else. And it would not occur to *me* to tell someone who is kind enough to invite me over that I do Atkins so could she please have lots of protein and fat.

 

"Preferring" Chilean sea bass?? Really? Who actually tells a hostess that??

[Desert Rat]

I would serve fish sticks. Seriously. And the nasty, generic kind with just ketchup. :o

 

Oh, and this is post # 2,000. Yeah, me!

[ereks mom]

See now, I would have not gone out and gotten the fish. I cater to allergies, religious food issues and preferences based on strong conviction as much as I can (my bff has too many allergies for anything made in my home to be safe for her), infantile adults - not so much. Yes, she is acting like a spoiled child so your assessment is correct. I can't imagine I would pursue a relationship with a person so inconsiderate. I am going to guess that she will stay an acquaintance and nothing more to you.

 

:iagree:

[Corraleno]

Alternately, "Oh shucks, I didn't make fish. But I do have some nice fish-flavoured Whiskas in the cupboard."

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Jackie

[Wheres Toto]

Chilean Sea Bass is on the list of fish that should only be eaten on rare occasions (and never for children) for women of childbearing age due to the mercury content (I have the list posted on my fridge). So, I would've told her that out of concern for her health I couldn't possibly serve it to her and I hoped she'd enjoy the side dishes. We eat a lot of fish here (we're having tilapia and seafood scampi for dinner tonight, LOL) but I wouldn't know how to begin to cook it (DH cooks). And, I definitely don't think I could eat it to the exclusion of all else - YUCK. What a way to get totally sick of something. If it wasn't so expensive, I'd cook it and botch the job but she'd probably spit it out and say yuck since her manners are obviously lacking.

 

Definitely an @ss. I think any guest should let the hostess know about any food issues (allergy, religious or otherwise) and be prepared to provide their own if the issues are very uncommon and/or difficult or expensive to meet. I definitely think she should have told you more than 5 hours before the meal.

[MissKNG]

I find her rude and demanding. I am a vegetarian and if meat is served as a main course, I'll just take veggies, bread and salad with no complaints.

[abbeyej]

Ugh. Well, I wouldn't be asking her *again*! And yes, it's common courtesy to let the host(ess) know if you can't/won't eat certain things. "Oh, but I should mention we're vegetarians" or "BTW, my son is allergic to nuts, so we have to be very careful about that." It's always fairly easy to work that in while asking what one can bring to contribute to the meal.

 

And if you know someone in your family is *impossibly* picky, let your host know that. "You know, Aunt Maude really has some particular food preferences. So please don't plan for her and don't be offended if she brings her own sandwich." (I think that's still pretty rude, but it's better to warn the host than just show up with your own alternate dinner!)

 

And if you're invited to someone's house and you know that personal is a simply abominable cook, ask, "You know, I've been dying to try out this new macaroni and cheese dish. Would it be alright if I bring that as a side to go with your meal?" Then you've got a fall-back, and your host doesn't have to be offended or put-out.

 

BTW, WHO THE HECK only eats FISH?!? "You know, we're mostly vegetarian, but occasionally we do eat fish" I understand (told to the host at the first possible moment, of course)... But "we only eat fish"?

 

Clearly the mercury has gone to her head!

[Avila]

And, the acquaintance informs you that she only eats fish five hours before the dinner.

 

And, you have already prepped all of the food and it is not fish but you offer to run out and buy a piece of fish so that she will eat.

 

And, the acquaintance - when asked what types of fish she likes - says that she prefers Chilean Sea Bass.

 

And, you know that Chilean Sea Bass runs $25.00-$30.00 a pound and although you love it you never indulge yourself.!!

 

I would be saying, "Oh, I would love to try that sea bass at your house next week. Tonight I made pot roast, and it really is too late to change that. I think I have a can of tuna in the pantry if you would rather have that tonight ..."

[Mommyof4ks]

Wow, I am a very picky eater, but never never never would I ask the hostess to cater to my pickiness! Either I would choose not to eat the meat (no liver, yuck), or I would eat it with a smile because the hostess made it and she went to a lot of work to make a delicious meal for me!

[Mrs Mungo]

I find her rude and demanding. I am a vegetarian and if meat is served as a main course, I'll just take veggies, bread and salad with no complaints.

 

 

Kng-I am just using your post for a side question, I hope you don't mind!

 

What are general opinions on this? Is it rude to give a hostess information like this? As a hostess, I would prefer people let me know. I Have adjusted menus many times. I have made baked ziti with my lasagna for a friend attending a party who didn't eat pork, I have marinated tofu and grilled it with steaks for vegetarian friends, etc. I love to cook and feed people and it makes me sad if peoe don't get to eat.

[Wheres Toto]

I once ate Steak and Kidney pie because my ex husband's, best friend's mother had made it and everyone else decided to go out to eat. I detest organ meats - the taste, the texture, everything about them. But I felt so bad (and that everyone else was being so rude) that I forced myself to eat some. I was only 19 at the time and I knew better than to be so rude to a hostess.

[Alenee]

This reminds me of my 13th b-day party. Mom took me and several friends out to dinner. I knew it would cost mom a lot to do this so I ordered chicken, the cheapest thing on the menu and most of my friends did as well. But one friend, who also came from a single parent household and KNEW what it would do to my mom's pocket book, ordered Lobster Tail.

 

She was still a friend for many years after that but all of us, including her own mother (who heard about it later), never let her live it down. :lol: I just don't get the mentality of some people.

[lynn]

definately what you said. I have come across a couple of adult males who let me know "I DON'T eat vegetables" as they go to sit at my dinner table.

Edited March 27, 2010 by lynn

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins who are only allowed out on Thursdays, bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

 

 

LOL!!!!!!

[Sahamamama]

I can't imagine I would pursue a relationship with a person so inconsiderate.

 

This was my thought, too. Sorry, I don't mean this in an offensive way, but when you closed your post with, "I'm off to cook the tilapia," I thought, "Why?" :confused:

 

 

• Because she's that great of a friend?

• Because she's an example of selflessness and courage and maturity to your children?

• Because she's a warm, loving, encouraging, thoughtful person?

• Because she demonstrates respect and reciprocity in her relationship with you?

• Because she honors you and values you as a person?

• Because you can relax and be yourself with her? Be kindly honest with her?

 

I don't see what you're getting out of this "friendship," except pushed around. True friendship is precious, but have some dignity, KWIM?

[Night Elf]

This was my thought, too. Sorry, I don't mean this in an offensive way, but when you closed your post with, "I'm off to cook the tilapia," I thought, "Why?" :confused:

 

:iagree: Although I would never have the guts to do this, I have to wonder about overcooking that tilapia. :tongue_smilie:

[myfunnybunch]

If I was that particular, I'd offer to bring my own entree. Sheesh.

 

Cat

[Sahamamama]

What are general opinions on this? Is it rude to give a hostess information like this? As a hostess, I would prefer people let me know. I love to cook and feed people and it makes me sad if people don't get to eat.

 

:iagree: As a hostess, I would like to know what people CANNOT eat (allergies and health issues, including diets), but not necessarily what they PREFER (what they'd cook at home). For example, there is a little boy at our church who has serious allergies to peanuts and tree nuts. For Little Artie, I would go to the moon to make something he could eat (and eat safely). He is precious.

 

My mother-in-law is deathly allergic to dairy. She simply cannot eat anything with milk, cheese, or butter, not even something cooked in a pan that has been lightly coated with butter. It's serious for her, so as a hostess, I would want to know that.

 

Another friend has done the South Beach Diet. I understand her desire to do this, since with her scoliosis she's concerned about her spine bearing too much weight. It's hard for her to exercise (pain), so this diet helps her to keep weight off. Why not accommodate that for a friend? But that's different than Sea Bass Woman. :glare:

 

I have friends who do not eat red meat. I know this, not because they've said it (if they did I don't recall), but because I've known them for years. They have preferences for health reasons, but not because they are picky. At least, I've never thought of them as picky. They make the most amazing chicken and vegetarian dishes (Trinidadian food, mon). They can invite me over anytime, LOL! But when they come here, of course I want to cook something they'll eat. They are both so skinny, I always feel like fattening them up. :lol:

[Garga]

If I had more chutzpa, I'd have whipped her up a nice tuna fish sandwich.

[babysparkler]

I think I would have told my guest what I had already prepared and offered to cook their sea bass in addition to what I was serving, if they would be so kind as to bring it along with them. ;)