If you grew up 'poor', did you know it?

[LauraGB]

I watched American Idol tonight and there was a contestant who confessed that she grew up 'poor', but that she didn't know that she was poor. She had a beautiful voice. Briefly we discussed with our dc that we were not 'denying' them certain things, but offering them the opportunity to expound upon natural possessions (even though money is not the main issue of our frugality - it is just a lifestyle we have chosen).

 

I think we were 'poor' when I was growing up. I know we were broke. I didn't know we would have qualified as 'poor' until I was older. My parents were very proud and hard working, but did not pretend to live beyond their means. I did not realize our family's financial situation until I was much older. As a high schooler, I heard other kids on the bus refer to my neighbors as 'dirt poor' - those neighbors were my uncle/aunt and cousins. Both our homes were built at the same time, by the hands of my father's family and both were more or less in the same condition of dilapidation. My personality was somewhat different than that of my cousins, and I never, ever heard the same condemnation directed toward me as toward them.

 

So, my question is - if you grew up poor, were you aware of it? If not, what do you think you may have learned from limited experiences that you cherish as a characteristic as an adult?

Edited February 4, 2010 by LauraGB

[Mommyfaithe]

We were poor...and I knew it.

[Dana]

We were poor...and I knew it.

 

:iagree:

 

Us too.

I remember finally moving out of the free lunch and to reduced in middle school. We weren't on full lunch prices until high school. On the plus side, we were in a poor community, so there wasn't a stigma to that at our school.

 

Lots of hand-me-down clothes.

[Lawana]

I grew up poor. I first became aware of it when I was about 10. I knew that we didn't do things that other families did. I was caught completely off guard when a neighbor asked me to help deliver "handbills" and the reward was a pizza meal. I had never had pizza before and had no idea what sausage was. I gave up my pizza slices that had sausage because I had no idea what those balls of meat were.

By the time I was 14, I had a job. The first restaurant meal I ever ate I paid for myself from my earnings as a 14 year old. By then, I knew that some people ate at restaurants, sometimes. I still remember eating by myself in a restaurant at age 14. On the other hand, I knew what work was, and how to do it. It wasn't as important to me how to have all the luxuries I saw around me, as how to be free from the prison I saw my family life to be.

My first opportunity to leave came from going away to college. I used my savings to pay my tuition and board and room fees. Although my parents had spoken about college and the expenses involved, I knew my ticket to freedom was financial independence. If I could pay for it myself, I could make my own decisions. What a revelation.

So even though we were poor, I learned the value of earning one own's way in life. Now, I spoil my kids, and they don't have a clue what it takes to make it on one's own.

[Jmac]

I was poor and I knew it but I don't think I fully grasped it like I do now. We always had food on the table and a coat if it was cold. Maybe I only had one pair of old holy tennis shoes and our toilet never worked and yes we lived in a shack but i was well aware that we were better off than most people in the world from a very early age. And my momma loved me. It just was what it was at the time. I would never want my own children to grow up as poor as we were but I would choose poor over rich any day.

[AK_Mom4]

I grew up poor and didn't know it. I knew we were generally broke, but didn't realize we were poor because everyone in our village was in the same boat. It wasn't until I went to high school that the lack of money was a hardship to my teenage self (couldn't afford to do sports, extra curriculars, new clothes), so I went to work at 14 so I could pay for my own "stuff".

[Scarlett]

We were poor. And I knew it.

 

I'm poor again---relatively though....poorer than I was as wife of successful businessman, but richer than daughter of single mother living in poverty.

 

It hurts to have less than everyone else. Just does.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

We certainly didn't have what my friends had, but, I didn't notice until I was older and realized how much my parents worried about money. I didn't see it when I was younger.

 

I remember saying once how I loved the routine we had of having pancakes every Sunday night for dinner, and my mom laughing and saying that we had pancakes because that was what we had to eat until she could get to the store Mondays since pay day was Monday for her! I had no idea! I really thought it was just a nice tradition.

 

We were a happy, close family with parents who were engaged in our lives. I didn't miss the things we didn't have because I had so much more than most of my friends. I was blessed.

[Lucy the Valiant]

I remember being STARTLED in junior high to realize that we were - by most people's definition - poor.

 

My parents worked so hard and loved us so much that even after I fully realized how poor we actually were, I didn't even care.

 

We were rich in the things that mattered . . . and I've always suspected that if we'd ALSO been rich in the things that don't truly matter, I would've had a really hard time distinguishing between the two.

[Amber in SJ]

We knew that we were "poor." We knew that school clothes shopping meant one new pair of jeans. There were hand-me-downs, not only from cousins, but from neighbors. I came home one day to find the power had been turned off and my mom sitting in the dark, crying. I remember government cheese, boxes of powdered milk and getting vaccinations from the free clinic van that came to our school. One year my grandparents bought my sister & I the ugliest long coats, with rabbit fur trimmed hoods when everyone else we knew had puffy ski jackets. I tell my sister that I had it worse than she did because after we grew out of them she got a new jacket and I got her old one. Ungrateful little brats that we were.

 

Imagine my surprise when I learned that there is a real term for sending your child in to buy milk at one grocery store with a check for $100 then depositing the $98 in cash back into your bank, then sending her grocery shopping at another store for $50 of groceries and with another check for $100, then depositing the cash back from that check too and keeping it rolling until payday and hoping that it will all come out even. Before electronic banking it could be days before a check was cashed. I sat in my consumer math class as a freshman with my mouth open realizing that we went through this rigamarole every month.

 

I also had ballet lessons and piano lessons when my mom worked nights in the prune & walnut orchards. My ballet & piano teachers were also willing to barter for child care and when I was old enough I taught the younger dance classes. This was a big deal for me.

 

I moved away to go to college when I was 17 and I worked my way through on my own. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. I was determined that my kids would never worry about the family finances. Both Dh & I have advanced degrees and while I stay home dh works his behind off. We have no debt other than the house. We have always been very careful with our money, but I could buy the curriculum I wanted and enroll the kids in the classes they wanted. And last year that all came crashing down when dh took a 60% paycut. It turns out that watching my children have the less-than-cool clothes and have to tell friends that they can only go to the movies if they do a matinee & bring in their own candy is even more painful than when I was the child. We do have a roof over our heads and nutritious food to eat. This last year we have learned the real differences between wants and needs. I don't know how it will shape them.

 

Amber in SJ

[Parrothead]

We were not poor. We were closer to lower middle class. I knew it. My friends knew it. Kids in school that I did not know knew it. Really by high school everyone knew what class everyone else was in.

[Brooketopia]

We were poor and I knew it because my mom blamed everyone else for our lack of money. Welfare didn't pay enough, child support didn't pay enough, free breakfast and free lunch should have also included dinners, etc.

 

I went away to college, met a nice engineer and now it's OUR fault that she doesn't have everything she wants. The whole family is that way.

[runamuk]

We were poor and I knew it. My parents were struggling before they split up and we were poor afterwards. From age 12 on, the only new clothing we got was a new pair of tennis shoes at the beginning of the year for gym class. Everything else was second hand. Grocery shopping consisted of buying what was on the Food Stamps list and going down to the local school to pick up free cheese, peanut butter and powdered milk. I hated having to hand over the tickets for the free lunches at school and carrying around the battered textbooks we got for free. Losing the house and having to move into the Salvation Army shelter and then with relatives was the worst. Depending on the generousity of friends got us into a house of our own - a house that was later condemmed as unlivable.

 

The kids my age never let me forget how bad off we were.

 

I really think that our poverty led me to dig myself into a hole of debt that followed us for 22 years. I was so worried about people thinking we weren't well-off that I ignored the fact I was putting us in the poor house.

[Harriet Vane]

We were poor and I always knew it. My mother and grandmother were always sighing about it and comparing us to certain rich relatives. The phrase "If we were rich we could . . . " was a part of our regular vocabulary.

 

My high school and college years were extremely (at times truly desperately) poor. I knew because there was no way to hide it. Also as I grew older I had to take on more and more personal financial independence because there was no one to provide for me.

 

The one thing I would change if I could would be for there to be more joy in my family over our financial state. No pining or sighing for what we don't have. It sucked the joy out of too many things.

[Cricket]

We were poor but not desperately so. The Lord always provided. I look back fondly on the time I spent in the kitchen with my mom shelling peas and blanching and freezing vegetables. Now when I look back on that I realize that we didn't do that because it was fun. It was because that was the only way to lower the grocery bill. Now that I think about it, I remember getting a few blocks of that government cheese! My dad was a pastor of a small country church so we at least had a house provided for us. He only made $600 per month when he first started. It wasn't until recently that I learned my parents had to apply to the county several times for energy assistance to pay for the oil that heated the house in the winter. After a few years, the church started providing one tank of oil as part of my dad's salary. We also got the free lunches at school. When we were old enough, my brother and I worked in the cornfields detasseling. I was excited because that meant I could buy new clothes for school. I had two pairs of pants and a few shirts to mix and match. My mom would tell us how her mom would say, "It's fun to be poor! It makes you think of things you wouldn't otherwise think of." My grandma is very cool. :) Now she grew up very poor on a little farm in rural Mississippi.

[tex-mex]

We were poor...and I knew it.

 

Same here. Reality hit even harder when Junior High began.

[tex-mex]

I remember getting a few blocks of that government cheese!

 

I loved that block of govt cheese! It made great mac n cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches! :D

[tex-mex]

We were poor and I always knew it. My mother and grandmother were always sighing about it and comparing us to certain rich relatives. The phrase "If we were rich we could . . . " was a part of our regular vocabulary.

 

My high school and college years were extremely (at times truly desperately) poor. I knew because there was no way to hide it. Also as I grew older I had to take on more and more personal financial independence because there was no one to provide for me.

 

The one thing I would change if I could would be for there to be more joy in my family over our financial state. No pining or sighing for what we don't have. It sucked the joy out of too many things.

 

:iagree: I grew up so poor we didn't have electricity or hot water for most of my junior high years. I learned to make do and bring laundry to the homes where I babysat, for example. The adversity I went thru really created a "fire in my belly" to aspire for a better life. You end up growing up fast. I was the first in my family to go on to college, for example.

 

Right now, my family is going through some tough times -- but it is NOTHING compared to my childhood life of extreme poverty. We have food in our bellies, a roof over our heads, and thank the Lord this month's rent/bills have been paid. I have learned to be at peace with this and try to teach my son (as I empathize -- it is hard on teens) to find joy in what we have and not complain over what we don't. You have to be optimistic!

[Crissy]

We grew up poor, but none of us realized it. I think part of the reason was that my dad grew up in much, much worse conditions than we did, so he really appreciated what little we had. No one pointed out to us what was missing.

 

I didn't know until I was a teenager that mom only fed us margarine and a sprinkle of sugar on cheap white bread because there was no other food in the house.

Our clothes were different than other kids', but it never occured to me that it was because we were broke. I just though mom had terrible taste in clothing styles.

[swellmomma]

We were poor when I was very small, I don't remember it really though. My mom tells the story of me yelling from 1 grocery aisle over when I was about 4, "Can we 'ford soap this week mom" and her being mortified.

 

When we got older I remember my dad doing jobs like driving taxi and being excited because we got allowance for the first time out of his tips, we got 0.75 per week.

 

The real difference wasn't noticable until I was much older. My brother is 6 years younger than me, and I saw him getting items and opportunities I didn't get and it was because when I was his age we did not have the money for them, by the time he was old enough my parents had moved up from poor to upper middle class. I have been dirt poor since moving out on my own at 18, even marriage did not help that. My siblings went the other way and both are on their way to being wealthy (my sister teaches in a college and my bil is on a career path that currently has him making $150K per year, and my brother is working towards being an investment banker also headed towards a 6 figure salary-funny thing is they all complain about money more than I do)

 

As for my kids, we have been pretty much dirt poor for their entire lives. They know it because we have talked about it (they notice the difference in our lives compared to my siblings), but they also know how blessed we are that we still have the options we do, and in some cases more than many who have more money than us do. They still get private music lessons, a mother to stay home and homeschool them, new clothes, toys, books, dinner's out, fieldtrips, movies etc. never had to worry about losing the home, or utilities cut off, or ever going without necessities. The few times food supplies have gotten extremely low, I simply stretched what I could and I skipped meals when I couldn't so the kid never noticed a reduction in quanity. They have things like a wii because the missionaries gave us one, their DS's and PSP's came from family for xmas/birthdays, we get money hear to help offset the cost of raising kids, and money for homeschooling. I hope my kids do remember this time as:

 

a) we were in fact poor, and therefore it is important they have the education necessary to ensure they can do better but also

 

b) how blessed we are compared to much of the world, and that despite us having a small amount of money they still had much of what others did, and a whole lot of love and opportunities that many that even have more money than us do not have.

[Rosie_0801]

I knew, but it didn't really bother me. We weren't doing without utilities poor, but we were definitely poorer than almost everyone else I knew during childhood. That's just the way things were, and while more would have been nice, I knew it was possible to have too much. I remember my brother and I being disgusted at the excesses at our cousins' place. I got teased about it at school and that bothered me, but I was the type to get teased about something so if it wasn't that, it was something else.

 

Rosie

Edited February 4, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Prudent]

Yes, we were poor and I definitely knew it.

 

I can't ever remember our finances not being a big burden on my mind as a child.

[HSMom2One]

We were not well off at all, especially when I was a young child. I remember having fried potatoes or corn meal mush for dinner on occasion because that was all there was. I was lucky if I had a pair of dress shoes to go along with my other day-to-day pair. As I got older things got better, but we were never wealthy. My father was a blue collar worker that had dropped out of high school and joined the military during WW2 and my mom was a retail sales clerk.

 

Even though we did not have much money -- a fact that my brother, sis and I were well aware of, we did not feel deprived. Our parents loved us, and that was the most important thing.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Sweetpeach]

Neat thread and I've enjoyed reading the honest, transparent responses from you all.

 

Most definitely, I grew up poor, though I was blessed with a mother that knew how to live within her means, meagre as they were.

 

I might have had an inkling that we were poor by highschool, but I never gave it much thought. I loved playing basketball, and it didn't cost any money to run a 10k everyday, to go to the library often. I had friends, though they never came to visit me at our dilapitated trailer.

 

I knew for sure we were poor after spending a year in Denmark as a Rotary Exchange Student. The Rotary Club paid for all of my expenses because they wanted to get the program up and running. That trip changed my life.

 

I really knew for sure that we were poor during my university days spent at a small, prestigious East Coast university. By then, my family poverty was something I giggled about under my breath. My university friends lived with such excess; sailed home to their mansions in Bermuda/Barbados; drank their faces off every weekend; partied like they were looking for something.

 

I started to wonder just how 'rich' these rich kids really were and then as I got older, I realized the joy and the gift of not approaching life with an attitude of entitlement. I possess life skills that grew out of my childhood poverty; skills like sewing, altering clothing, making something out of nothing, being content with nothing, the joy of exercise. Entitlement is a scary, hard to shed attitude and in some ways, I'm thankful that I grew up how I did.

 

I had no allusions as to how hard life could be, and the path my husband and I took together with real estate and renovations was stinking hard . . . but hard work/surviving was what I knew so it didn't offend me deeply that this dirty, disgusting work of renovations was our ticket to debt-reduction.

 

Warmly, Tricia

Edited February 4, 2010 by Sweetpeach

[Pippen]

Yeh I did---the fact that we had no power sometimes and no heat a couple of winters gave it away.

 

Yeah, if I hadn't known it by then, coming home from school and finding the electricity turned off because the bills weren't paid would have been a clue we couldn't miss. We had relatives to bail us out so it was never long term, though.

 

I would imagine there's frequently a huge difference between choosing to live a frugal lifestyle and having poorness forced upon you by circumstances. My mom was so emotionally and physically stressed from working extra hours, trying to make ends meet, etc. that it very much impacted our lives. I'm sure the experience contributed to who we are as adults but I wouldn't wish that childhood upon my children.

Edited February 4, 2010 by Pippen

[delaney]

We weren't poor but definately didn't have extras. One car, black and white TV with an antennae, PB&J at the end of the month, one vacation per year.....

I didn't feel deprived until I grew up and my parents had another baby at 40 and she got TONS of stuff we never got. All I ever wanted to do was be a girl scout and couldn't b/c of the car issue. I know they did their best and now my dad makes a lot more money so they will retire comfortably.

 

My goal was to give my kids everything we didn't get and fortunately we are able to. We have built up A LOT of debt that we are working on getting rid of.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I didn't realize we were poor till I hit high school and was standing in the reduced lunch line and all my friends weren't. They would to Burger King across the street for lunch and to the movies after school whenever they felt like it. I was invited to go but had to think up an excuse that wasn't, "Sorry, I don't have any money and never will, so I can't hang out with you." So I would take my quarter and stand in the full pay lunch line, buy a milkshake for lunch, and go to the library the rest of the time.

 

Before that, I actually felt rich because most of my relatives had less than we did, and we got to travel a lot because my dad was in the Navy. I didn't realize my dad was an expert at finding free or almost free deals, and my mom was an expert in frugality. They grew up much poorer than I did.

 

Besides the social stigma in high school, I don't think it hurt me at all. In fact it taught me the real value of things and how to live within my means. However, I do have trouble sympathizing with the people I know who have every electronic gadget, eat out, and wear new clothes all the time, yet complain about their money troubles.

[Ottakee]

We were poor but never did without. In our area, ALL the kids from age 11 or so were working to help pay for things like clothing, shoes, extras, etc. I was babysitting 30-40 hours a week during 6th-8th grades--on top of going to school. That $1/hour bought my clothes, etc.

 

I don't think it was such a big deal though as everyone was working, not many went out to eat, etc.

 

It was good though in that I bought my first car, paid my way (along with scholarships) through college, was never in debt (other than our mortgage), etc.

 

Now I hang out with like minded friends---our fun is goodwill/thrift store shopping, etc. We do have a lot more now though than when I was a kid.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

We ate government cheese too. But powdered milk was the pits.

[Erica in PA]

Yes, I knew it (food stamps, free lunch, etc. were dead giveaways), but it didn't bother me much. I grew up with an only child, with just my mom, who was a waitress. She did everything she could to make life good and comfortable for me, while going without just about everything herself. I always had nice new clothes, good food, nice gifts at Christmas, etc. What I didn't realize until later was how much she was sacrificing for me. For a poor child, I actually was pretty spoiled... I didn't realize that until I was older.

 

I don't think my kids have much concept of our financial state now. They know that there are many times that we need to turn to the Lord for help, and that He is faithful to provide, but I don't think they realize that some people don't necessarily need to do that to pay their bills or buy food. When they're older I think they might be surprised to realize how little money we had while they were growing up.

[mysticamethyst]

Yep, we were poor and I knew it from an early age. I remember my mom telling me I had to be a big, brave girl while she went to work and night and there was no money for a sitter for me, I was probably 6. I remember stealing food from the store to make sure I ate some nights. Like a few others have said, my kids have never had to wonder about that where dinner will come from or had to work harder than their personal chores.

[Jeannie in NJ]

we were dirt poor but I don't remember if I knew it or not. My mom was a single mom with 3 kids and no support from my dad. We lived on the big blocks of velvetta cheese, peanut butter, pototoes , corn bread and beans also spam.. We shopped at the day old bakery. No meat, rarely a chicken, no fruits or vegetables (mom said they were too expensive, especially fruit). We went out to dinner on our birthday and that was it for the year.We lived in the poor part of town and were always moving. Once lived in a boarding house with the commual bathroom down the hall (we kept a bucket in our room for our use, the boarding house was full of drunks). Another time, we lived in the projects, I think that was the only time that I knew that we were really poor. My mom really stressed my getting an education and going to college so I would not continue to be poor.

 

Even today, when dh has a secure joy that pays quite well, I still hate to spend money (dh says that I still think poor). I hate to buy new and shop at Goodwill. I worry about money.

[Jeannie in NJ]

oh, also I started working as a babysister at about age 11 and when I was 14, started working several jobs all thru highschool and thru college. I only stopped working to stay home with my dc.

[iquilt]

We always had everything that we needed but we were poor and we watched all of our pennies. We had home made everything (food, clothes, games) and I always thought it was good. I can remember our very few restaurant dinners because it was a huge deal to us and always for a birthday or something else very special. I learned how to sew anything and can cook just about anything because I learned how to from my parents. They made almost all of our furniture, clothes for us and our dolls, bread and granola and all of our cookies and cakes. I worked hard in high school because I knew the only way I could afford college was to earn my way with scholarships. I never received braces as a kid because we couldn't afford them; my husband bought them for me right after we were married.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

We were poor...and I knew it.

:iagree:

 

Knowing our situation made me :sad:.

It was difficult not to know when groceries came from food pantries and Christmas presents were items redeemed from The Green Stamp Catalog Store.

I was also on the free lunch program at school.

[Carrie12345]

Hm. Interesting question! I still don't know whether my family would have been considered *poor* when I was younger. I know we were after my father left, but I was 16 by then.

 

Hand-me-downs were the norm. Eating out was a very rare treat. Our cars were old and beat up. Our house was a bungalow until about 3rd grade.

 

Otoh, we did put an addition on our house (that was never fully finished- trim left undone, floors left unsurfaced). We didn't have reduced lunch until we were older, but we had always packed our own before that. We always took trips (camping), and we had a "summer home" (trailer, and the oldest one in the campground, lol), so maybe we were just low-income.

 

When I was older, we did receive some food assistance and we frequently had different things shut off (cable, phone, electric...) for a few days at a time. I bought most of my own things with my own paychecks. My mother worked two jobs and I was the live-in babysitter.

 

I wonder what my mother would say about those earlier years if I asked her...

[CalicoKat]

my folks weren't rich. I remember asking to go church camp but there wasn't money for the fee. Instead my mom found a way for me to be there all summer working in the kitchen workers. It was a blast! Instead of two weeks of camp I was there 3 whole months. :) I worked for my room and board. But I had free time too and I could do the activities the campers did.

 

But I didn't know we were poor. My folks were realistic about the budget with us and when we "ran into a financial wall" for a want we would get creative and find another way to make it happen.

 

I started babysitting at 9 for the neighbor so she could get a nap during the day. She was a nurse working the night shift. She was home but asleep. My mom was next door.

 

And I worked at the local Dairy Queen through High School.

 

We handy. We're thrifty. We're creative. And we all work together to think out of the box. I guess that's the legacy of being unwealthy.

[littlebug42]

We were on the lower income side of things but I don't think we were poor. Although my single Mom struggled, we always had food, home, clothing etc. All of our needs were met. One of my kids said recently that we were poor. We are by no means poor but are currently trying to pay off debt so we don't have money for all the extra things like vacations and amusement parks, etc. we have had several talks about the differences between the two. I do know several times when we were very close when I was younger. My parents divorced when I was 4 and he was no help whatsoever.

 

My Mom often tells the story about leaving for work one morning contemplating how she was going to feed us the rest of the week because there was no money left. As she walked to the bus stop with her head down, she found $20 and a bag of bus tokens in the snow. It was just what she needed to get through the week.

[Jeannie in NJ]

oh I thought of another thing, we never, ever, went to the doctor or dentist. We got vacs thru the school. I also got my vision checked thru the school and that's how mom found out that I needed glasses. I never went to the dentist until I was in my late 20's. Never went to a doctor until I went to college where the students had free medical care.

[Cricket]

I didn't know until I was a teenager that mom only fed us margarine and a sprinkle of sugar on cheap white bread because there was no other food in the house.

 

We ate that often too! :lol: My mom told us that she saw some child eating that in an old movie. So we thought it was cool! Later she admitted she did see it in a movie but she only gave it to us because that was all she had to give us at the time.

[Lolly]

I thought we were poor. We were poor for the area we lived in. My parents watched their $ more closely and lived in a more responsible manner than most of my friends' families. In the grand scheme of life, we were definitely not poor.

[Ravin]

We were poor when I was little. It wasn't the sort of poverty that makes a little kid feel shortchanged, though. My mom has told me about having to dry diapers (for twins) inside our little trailer because we had no dryer, and that sometimes they'd freeze. Dad was a small-town cop up in Idaho. Things got better for us when he took a mechanic job on a farm. Then we were still poor, but the job came with a big 4 bedroom house for us to live in, and space for a 1 acre garden, so mom was able to put by food which was a big help, plus we got half a steer and some pork and so many chickens a year in exchange for mom helping feed the chickens, not to mention all the potatoes we could eat out of the silo. Clothes were often hand me downs, but we always had warm coats and snowsuits. I remember commodities cheese and peanut butter and honey, though!

 

Dad got a federal gov't job when I was 9, and we moved up into the middle class. My mom often reminds me that they weren't all that stable financially until they were in their 40's, so I shouldn't feel too bad that we're still where we're at. It sucks to have DD noticing that she can't have all the toys her friends have, though. Because we house-share, we are in a neighborhood where most the people around us are substantially better off than we are.

[CalicoKat]

We were on the lower income side of things but I don't think we were poor. Although my single Mom struggled, we always had food, home, clothing etc. All of our needs were met. One of my kids said recently that we were poor. We are by no means poor but are currently trying to pay off debt so we don't have money for all the extra things like vacations and amusement parks, etc. we have had several talks about the differences between the two. I do know several times when we were very close when I was younger. My parents divorced when I was 4 and he was no help whatsoever.

 

My Mom often tells the story about leaving for work one morning contemplating how she was going to feed us the rest of the week because there was no money left. As she walked to the bus stop with her head down, she found $20 and a bag of bus tokens in the snow. It was just what she needed to get through the week.

 

My folks have shared similar stories of how God provided for our needs when it seemed there was none. I found those encouraging when I was a kid. I remember getting frustrated when my mom made a cheese sandwich for a couple with the last of our cheese, butter, and the very last tea bag. Those items were luxury items and when they were gone, they were gone for a long while.

 

But I remember her say, "Just watch what God does." She gave it away. I was mad. Then a few days later we were given a whole round of cheese, several pounds of butter, fresh new tea arrived in the mail, and a case of soda! Whoa.

 

She'd said nothing to anyone about giving away the last of what we'd had. It was a huge impression on me not to hoard what I have but to give generously. God is able to supply our needs and wants.

[Prudent]

Thanks for sharing Calico. What an awesome story of God's provision!

 

I posted earlier that I most certainly knew we were poor and it was a constant concern in my childhood.

 

But to be honest, probably by the time I was 6 we weren't poor anymore based on our income. But my parents just weren't good money managers A.T. A.L.L. .

 

My mother was a waitress, and every day she would spend all her tip money on food for one day. Even when my parent's income rose to what would be $75K in today's dollars, we still never had more than 1 day worth of food and a couple rolls of toilet paper in the house.

 

We just never had money for anything. I hated it. It was such a strong force in molding me into who I am today.

 

As an adult, our household income is nearly identical to what my parents earned when I was growing up. But I just feel like we live a much more abundant life. We have substantial emergency savings, college funds for the kids, retirement accounts, and overall financial stability. We plan, save, and stretch every penny to get the most out of it. So in my experience, there is far more to living in lack than income levels.

[scubamama]

Yes, I used to sit at the top of the steps and listen to my folks argue about the bills that month. I recall (to my shame now) being thrilled that my neighbor was pregnant in 10th grade - I could have her new clothes! I knew preganancy made you fat but not really how she wound up that way....We had an old Toyota with no heat that we had to shove out of the driveway to get it going and we did "Bible Times Shopping" - gleaning in the orchards by our house.

My parents spent our meager college savings on my moms health issues...I don't hold it against them. I just wish it would have worled for her.

[Tree House Academy]

I did. I had NO IDEA that my mother averaged 12K a YEAR when I was growing up. When my grandparents were alive, they helped us all they could. I had everything I ever wanted. We lived in a crappy house and I did notice that my friends had nicer homes, but I never wanted for anything - not shoes, not clothes, nothing. After my grandparents died, my mom went in debt to sustain my way of life (the one I was accustomed to from when my grandparents were alive). It was very sad to realize what she sacrificed for me when I was younger. It was also very hard to look back and see how selfish I was.

 

I try all the time to tell my kids how good they have it. They have NO IDEA what being poor means! My dh makes plenty, we live in a nice (large) home, they have every gadget and gizmo known to man. What I can't buy, my older son's dad (who makes well into the 200K range) can. They want for nothing. Sadly, we live in an area where poverty is the norm. My kids see it all around them, but still think everyone lives like they do. I have tried and tried to impress upon them the spirit of giving - and I am trying to open their eyes to what is around them and how fortunate they are (so they may find that spirit to give to others willingly).

[Night Elf]

So, my question is - if you grew up poor, were you aware of it? If not, what do you think you may have learned from limited experiences that you cherish as a characteristic as an adult?

 

Yes, were definitely not in a comfortable financial bracket. We lived in an apartment complex that just looked poor. The kids I knew in my apt. complex had struggling parents like I did. I had friends at school that had more and better things than I did. Material items sorting classes is very real despite opinions that it shouldn't happen. We, the kids in my apt. complex, were considered white trash.

 

A trip to McDonald's was a luxury even though we always shared a meal. Half a hamburger and small fries was awesome! Our regular meals were Campbell's soup served over rice, grilled cheese sandwiches, and salmon patties made from a cheap can of salmon. Ewww... I haven't had one of those since I was a teenager. I honestly don't know how my mom managed all those years. I really believe she lives beyond her means now because she got so tired of being poor. She is in major debt! Then again, she was always in debt with credit cards. She taught me her mantra, Why pay lay-away when you can charge on credit and enjoy the item while you're paying for it. I was $5,000 in debt at age 18. :eek:

[Melenie]

We ate that often too! :lol: My mom told us that she saw some child eating that in an old movie. So we thought it was cool! Later she admitted she did see it in a movie but she only gave it to us because that was all she had to give us at the time.

 

That is a Dutch treat! They eat it, but the sugar is colored.

 

We grew up poor and knew it. Single mom, three children and living in a country with no financial assistance. In high school I promised myself that I would never be poor again and worked very hard to change my circumstances. I think to a fault, though. Now that I am older I appreciate what that time has taught me about living within my means.

[TXMomof4]

I loved that block of govt cheese! It made great mac n cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches! :D

 

DH grew up solidly middle class - I didn't. At one of the engagement luncheons someone in his family hosted, someone brought a cheese tray with cheese that tasted exactly like govt cheese. The words were out of my mouth before I even thought about it - "I haven't had govt cheese in years!" :lol: My poor MIL almost passed out. She already didn't like me at that point, but to admit I had been poor besides was a serious faux pas in her eyes. Too funny!

 

We were poor growing up but I didn't realize it. We were never desperately poor - but I didn't have new clothes hardly ever. I know now that there were times the bills weren't paid. The company my dad worked for had a community garden for their employees and I remember canning green beans, black eyed peas, making pickles, freezing corn - it was wonderful. We would have been very hungry without that. Now I wish I had access to that abundance of free food!

 

I did know that some of my friends had things I didn't, but there were enough of us without that it seemed the norm. It has certainly made me appreciate the (relative) abundance that I enjoy now. :001_smile:

[Retired]

I grew up poor and it really didn't bother me until about 7th grade. We usually wore hand me downs but always got our own new shoes each school year. Well about December of that year I lost of of my shoes. I wore those 50 cent flip flops with socks on the not so cold days and then had to wear my dads athletic shoes with tissue stuck in the toe area.

 

It was pretty much depressing puberty/poverty.

 

I will say we were blessed in that we always had food (I didn't always like it and was very thin growing up) I just refused to drink (powder milk)

 

My home was a double wide. We moved in to when I was about 9. I thought we had gotten rich:D

 

By the time I left home at 18, floors were rotting. My foot fell threw the bathroom floor. We also had a whole in the floor when you came in the front door. We covered it with a rug.

 

My dh came to pick me up the first time. We had dated for a while before he ever saw the way I lived. I wasn't ready when he arrived and my dad didn't tell him their was a whole underneath the rug. Yep! he fell through:blush:

 

My parents are Christians and we really were happy. We always had food and shelter. My parents didn't manage money well. I have watched them still not have anything in their 60's It makes me sad.