Do you share this information woth your family?

[beachmom]

I'm just curious what others think about this. Do you share your/dh's income with your parents, inlaws, brothers, and sisters? I don't mean share the money but do you tell them the amount?

 

My dmil asks us every 2 years or so about how much dh makes. She then tells us how much his brother makes and then his cousins. It usually stops there. I find this unusual and borderline offensive. I don't think it's her business. My dh disagrees. He tells her and asks her not to tell anyone else. I say that if she is telling you what everyone else is making why would she conceal your information.

 

I don't want to make too big of a deal over this but what do all of you think?

[ciyates]

I don't but then they don't ask. I would probably want to know why they wanted to know. :001_huh:

[RegGuheert]

No.

[ncmomo3]

no.

[Mary in VA]

None of our parents ever asked and we would have been shocked if they had. Why in the world would she have a need to know? And since she's sharing everyone else's info, I would bet she sharing yours.

 

Mary

[gandpsmommy]

No. We are very private about financial information. We would never tell anyone what our income is, nor would we ask anyone else to share that information. I would find it rude and inappropriate for family members to request such private information.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

No. The type of conversation and sharing of information you are describing in your post screams "gossip" to me. I try not to participate with or enable gossipers.

[lollie010]

Well, my dh is in a profession that it is easy to guess our income bracket. I wish it were a little more private. He does a lot of extra things for income and I have a few family members who always ask about the profitability of that.

[carlychan]

I tell my mom. Not because she asks but just when subjects about money come up. I would tell my in-laws if they asked (but they probably won't). We are military so really anyone can find out how much we make so maybe that makes it less of a "secret." :tongue_smilie:

[beachmom]

I feel exactly the same about it being private. I think it's a cultural thing, too, as my dmil is Asian and they seem to talk about the specifics of money way more than other people. I should add that she tells us how much money she has, although we don't ask. Thanks for your comments.

[2squared]

Sounds like I share more than the others thus far. I love to talk finances, and I think our society needs to talk more about personal finance. A lot of people don't seem to know how to manage their money. While I don't talk specific numbers, I definitely talk about financial positioning. I want others to know that is is very possible to live debt free. It is possible to pay cash for vehicles. It is possible to live within your means and still be satisfied. I also want others to know that I'm comfortable with not being able to afford everything I want. I'm pretty transparent, but I definitely wouldn't gossip about such things.

[lllll]

No. And when I was growing up, my parents never even told us kids anything about our Dad's income either. We do, however, tell our own dc how much dh earns if they ask. They rarely ask.

Edited February 4, 2010 by ksva

[Impish]

I don't even tell my folks when Wolf's been unemployed if I can help it, let alone tell them how much he/I make. No flippin way!

 

MIL doesn't need to know either. The most she gets told is that we're paying our bills ok, thanks. Yes, she's asked :glare:

[stripe]

Americans are very secretive about money. I wouldn't like to be asked, but the fact is, Americans make assumptions about people that may or may not be accurate! ;) Since it's your mother in law, let your husband talk to her and just don't worry about it.

[Jen in PA]

Ranges of income have come up in conversation with my sister who has the life circumstances closest to ours -- but it was more like a chat between friends/financial planning thing. No one else has ever asked.

[Harriet Vane]

Absolutely not.

 

If we needed financial advice, we would feel comfortable talking to dh's father--but we can absolutely trust that he will never tell anyone. Really, truly, NEVER.

[joannqn]

Sounds like I share more than the others thus far. I love to talk finances, and I think our society needs to talk more about personal finance. A lot of people don't seem to know how to manage their money. While I don't talk specific numbers, I definitely talk about financial positioning. I want others to know that is is very possible to live debt free. It is possible to pay cash for vehicles. It is possible to live within your means and still be satisfied. I also want others to know that I'm comfortable with not being able to afford everything I want. I'm pretty transparent, but I definitely wouldn't gossip about such things.

:iagree:

 

I agree...only I'd add that I think our society needs to talk about a lot more things than just personal finances. I believe we cause ourselves so much more stress and misery by being so afraid to talk about things...whether it is money or health issues or other things that worry and stress us. How are we ever suppose to know what it right, normal, good, wise, etc. if we never share and talk about these things? I also think that the fact that we don't share and talk about these things leads to more misunderstandings, wrong assumptions, and judgments.

[runamuk]

No. My husband and BIL are both in the military, so we have an idea what the other makes, but it's not discussed. My sister and I often discuss financial planning, but we don't share specific information. My mother drops frequently drops hints about our financial situation, hoping we'll tell her what N makes.

[BridgeTea]

My MIL used to ask me about once a year how much we made. She'd phrase the question like this: "Do you guys make more than $X0,000 ?" Her guess was always high so I'd say "no" and that would be it til next year. Yes, I think it was to compare us to other family members. For what purpose, who knows. I will definitely talk money issues with MIL and give her advice ;), but there's no need for us to talk specific income amounts.

 

My family was always very open about finances and all money issues, maybe because they were small business owners. I thought MrTea's family had an unhealthy fear of money and its management, but I have pretty much converted them. :lol: Still, no $$ amounts come up, just percentages.

[TravelingChris]

No one asks. FIl used to ask how much things cost when he would visit us but he doesn't visit us, so no. We never knew how much anything cost anyway (THe things he was asking weren't things that were special to us in any way). Our income is public knowledge since dh is military.

[Mom-ninja.]

No. We don't. My in-laws have never asked. My mom asks all the time. She also asks how much we pay for insurance, what our bills are, how much our tax return is, etc. She's been caught looking through our papers looking at financial information. She is nosey, and does not respect boundaries.

 

When she comes over now, DH and I make sure we gather all our bills and such and lock it in the file cabinet.

 

When she asks me how much such and such is I just look at her and and shrug, "I really don't know. I don't pay attention." That drives her batty.

[i.love.lucy]

Yeah, we've shared it. We've gone through some poor money management years when we've needed to borrow from them, so one tends to feel like they have to be transparent in that situation. It opens you up to being scrutinized for your choices in how you handle and manage money, and that hasn't always been a bad thing. But, our priorities are different, and regardless if my mom knows exactly how much dh makes, it's up to us to manage it. Our cost of living and circumstances are different than hers and how we make our income stretch does come in to question - like "you make $X, you should have more in savings" type comments. We have both always valued our parents wisdom and they have made good choices with their finances, why would we be so private about something like income? We are quite close in all other ways it would seem weird to me to clam up about money.

 

Also we are now in the stage of life of caring more for my inlaws. We will need to be involved with some advanced planning for financial assistance in the future (like Medicare, etc).

 

Yes, I want to check gossip at the door, but I also want to do the same with pride.

[Murphy101]

this. Exactly. :iagree:

 

Sounds like I share more than the others thus far. I love to talk finances, and I think our society needs to talk more about personal finance. A lot of people don't seem to know how to manage their money. While I don't talk specific numbers, I definitely talk about financial positioning. I want others to know that is is very possible to live debt free. It is possible to pay cash for vehicles. It is possible to live within your means and still be satisfied. I also want others to know that I'm comfortable with not being able to afford everything I want. I'm pretty transparent, but I definitely wouldn't gossip about such things.

[Parrothead]

No, we do not tell, but it would not be difficult for someone to find out a general ballpark figure.

[justamouse]

No. Never. Absolutely not. H#!! no. The can figure it out by the way I live.

 

Actually, no they can't. We live far below our means. We're sneaky like that. Then when we do something big, people's eyes go buggy and it's fun to watch.

 

And when people ask me, I do teach them, but I don't offer it.

[Tree House Academy]

No. My dh is an engineer - and in his current position, he is actually in management over the engineering department. Our family knows his salary "range" just due to his profession, but we do not disclose the actual amount. My mom knows how much he makes...but she is my mom and she may as well be my best friend. My best friends and I share the "round abouts" in conversations. I have no idea why. LOL

[mrs.m]

:iagree:

 

I agree...only I'd add that I think our society needs to talk about a lot more things than just personal finances. I believe we cause ourselves so much more stress and misery by being so afraid to talk about things...whether it is money or health issues or other things that worry and stress us. How are we ever suppose to know what it right, normal, good, wise, etc. if we never share and talk about these things? I also think that the fact that we don't share and talk about these things leads to more misunderstandings, wrong assumptions, and judgments.

 

I agree with this to an extent. But I think that this should only be done with safe people that can handle the information and are giving positive input to help our situation. I have no problem sharing with my parents and asking them questions about money because they have a lot of wisdom through experience.

 

But there are other family members and friends that don't need to know. I would not be comfortable with siblings knowing this information. We are far better off than the rest of the family and we are being looked down upon for it. It seems that some people believe that my DH's position was just handed to him and they are forgetting the years and years in graduate school. And then there's the other people who constantly need loans and have no problem asking because of our financial status. I think them knowing what we make would make that "no" seem even harsher.

 

We live far below our means on purpose so this treatment isn't because we are showing off or anything like that. We drive old cars, live in a modest house, wear hand-me-downs.

 

It's just their stereotype about people who are in professional jobs and making a decent living. They drop rude comments without even knowing our income. I can't imagine if they knew more than that we are just better off financially than they are.

 

So I guess I'm saying I prefer not to share. It just isn't anyone elses business. I'm willing to talk to someone who is helpful with keeping our priorities in check and we have those people in our life.

[BearWallowSchool]

My husband and his father share a business, so there's no secrets there. :glare:

[OnTheBrink]

No, but if I needed to discuss finances, I'd discuss them with my dad. He would keep that confidential.

[SonshineLearner]

How bout... I know it's at least $10 an hour.... hmmmm... I don't really figure it out exactly. Gosh, Maybe I should ask you to buy lunch next time :-)

[Kari C in SC]

I tell my mom and even my sister. Come to think of it, I have probably talked to dh's sister about it too. I don't think it is a big deal. I have told my friends too. It just doesn't matter to me. We make what we make. My dh works hard and it is what it is. I don't care what other people think.

 

My oldest called to tell me what his paycheck was when he first got in the Army. He wanted me to know. He was proud of himself for making more money than he had ever made before.

 

I don't get the secret part. It is just a fact - it does not make or break you or make you who you are.

[mommyrooch]

No

[nono]

I feel exactly the same about it being private. I think it's a cultural thing, too, as my dmil is Asian and they seem to talk about the specifics of money way more than other people. I should add that she tells us how much money she has, although we don't ask. Thanks for your comments.

 

Yes, it is definitely cultural. Since it is two-way sharing, it's what it is. But, I see nothing wrong with you explaining to her that it makes you a bit uncomfortable because of your cultural upbringing. She may be wondering why you turn 6 shades of red every time the subject comes up. She may even be thinking that your husband is lying to her based upon your reaction. ;)

[Daisy]

No way!

 

If my sister knew how much we made, she'd be asking for money every month.

 

I already send my parents money every month, so no, I'm not telling them how much we make.

 

We live in a state with a much higher cost of living and they just wouldn't understand why we make so much (compared to them) and yet don't have a more to spread around. We send them regular support and I help my sister when we can but I don't want to be viewed at the personal piggy bank for the extended family.

Edited February 3, 2010 by Daisy

[AngieC]

No, I don't and I would never ask anyone else how much money they make. I don't feel the need to know that information about anyone else, nor do I feel the need to share it about our situation.

[*********]

My mil and stepfil have a vague idea of what my dh makes. Mainly because they worry about all the other 'kids' in the family, and dh wanted to put his mother's mind at ease. But that was a few years ago, and they are trustworthy people; they won't go blabbing the info to anyone.

 

Other than that, no. I mean, my sister and I have discussed it vaguely in the past, but only because she and dh work in the same field. But most of the rest of our siblings, except one of dh's that he's very close with, we wouldn't even consider telling. As well as my parents, or any grandparents. Mainly because it would be seen as bragging, I think.

 

And we don't discuss it with the children, either. My stepchildren have always known all the details of their mother's finances from a very young age. Even to this day, they'll say 'mom and (their stepdad) make this much, and suchandsuch that they bought cost this much, yada yada'. I mean, money is interesting to kids, but they don't know enough to keep private info private. I don't need them telling every casual acquaintence my dh's monthly salary. In fact, I know way more than I ever wanted to about how much their mother and stepfather make. Sometimes, I remind them that 'those things are private, your mom may not want you telling me that', LOL. :tongue_smilie:

[Angel]

Sure, why not? What's the big deal? I shared when dh made very little and share now when he makes more. My closest friend (and cousin) hates to talk about it. I never understood why. She has a Master's in Education and I know that she makes about as much as my dh, maybe more. Who cares.

 

The only time I ever feel bad about it is when I realize that whether we make a little or a lot, just how much we squandered (well before Dave Ramsey :D)

 

It's a part of life. We all know anyhow but how each other lives. I talk about lots of other things too. It's just not a big deal.

 

I will say that I'm an only child. I was going to say that that might have something to do with it but my cousin is too. Though she cares a WHOLE lot more what people think about her than I ever care about that;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

My Asian ILs have a more "it takes a village" approach to family. So they think nothing of asking what seems to me to be pretty intrusive questions. They ask about finances because they want to make sure we are doing ok. They let us know about other family so that we will know that they are doing ok. I did make it very clear however that my MIL was not allowed to ask how it was going in the bedroom in order to gauge if our marriage was doing ok (and yes, at first she did want to know.)

[*********]

I did make it very clear however that my MIL was not allowed to ask how it was going in the bedroom in order to gauge if our marriage was doing ok (and yes, at first she did want to know.)

 

Oh.

 

Oh my.

 

I had no IDEA that some mil's would actually ask their son or dil about THAT.

 

Good grief, I think my mil would rather talk about pretty much anything with me before she would talk about THAT. Even homeschool; and that's saying a LOT. :D

[mom4him]

I would probably want to know why they wanted to know. :001_huh:

:iagree:

[Jan in SC]

My parents have never asked, but we have discussed finances many times. Investing and insurance are sort of fun family discussions.

 

When I was 12 or 13, my parents handed me their checkbook, my Dad's paycheck, and a list of bills to pay. They had me do this for an entire summer. It was an eye-opening experience.

 

(They also made my brother and I keep track of money on family vacations.)

 

On the other hand, my MIL refused to discuss any form of money with her childern. It has taken a lot longer to understand how things work. Yet, her parents knew absolutely everything about her life. It was, and continues to be, very strange!

[homeschooltoone]

No

[Impish]

Oh.

 

Oh my.

 

I had no IDEA that some mil's would actually ask their son or dil about THAT.

 

Good grief, I think my mil would rather talk about pretty much anything with me before she would talk about THAT. Even homeschool; and that's saying a LOT. :D

When we were first married, MIL would call every.week. asking if we had any NEWS for her yet (aka "are you pregnant?"). Wolf could count on "Mom, I want to go spend some time with my wife." quickly ending a conversation with her. She would ask how often he was at home (he traveled for work) and if that was enough time for us to be together. And yes, there was heavy, heavy emphasis on the italicized words.

 

Made me nuts.

[Tap]

I have told family how much I make because I really don't care if they know.

 

I do not discuss dh's wages; it is his personal information, and I wouldn't share it.

 

My family wouldn't understand that the money earned by us isn't spent like they do. We plan for retirement and the future...they don't. They would ask us for money constantly if we divulged our yearly income because to them, it would be a huge amount. (They do this already to another sister). Most of my family lives on some form of government assistance, working minimally in low paying jobs, hoping to not make enough to get them booted off assistance. We live in very different worlds and the currency exchange rate wouldn't convert LOL.

[GaHadley]

My dh's parents and his brother know since we're all in business together. They don't, however, know what sort of bills we have or how we choose to spend our money.

 

None of our other family knows, and I wouldn't tell them if they asked.

[HRAAB]

If it ever came up in a conversation, yes. There is no jealousy in my dh's family, they often discuss strategies for retirement, etc. They share information. I would have no qualms about sharing that information with his family. But, there is no way in the world I would share it with my sister.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I was never terribly open about it, but information did get out at some points or another. Various people knew what I made early in my working life because I went to them for advice for career advice. My brother used to know how much I made because I worked for him:). After dh and I got married, we felt that what we made was our business. However, he wanted his dad to do our taxes (Huh?). Apparently, his dad always did his taxes (he's an accountant.) I was stunned that a 28 year old man had never done his own taxes - not even 1040EZ! We are much more circumspect about it. But now, all is for naught - dh's salary is now part of the public record and is FOI-able.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Gee I have always felt if you cannot talk with with own family about then who can you talk about it with? It is family after all and as long as you are close then I do not see a problem. I would not discuss outside of the family unless it was a very close friend.

[kpupg]

Do you share your/dh's income with your parents, inlaws, brothers, and sisters? I don't mean share the money but do you tell them the amount?

<snip>

I say that if she is telling you what everyone else is making why would she conceal your information.

 

I don't want to make too big of a deal over this but what do all of you think?

 

Gawd NO!!!

 

I agree that someone who casually shares others' sensitive information would not be trustworthy with yours.

 

I think it's awful. Guess you probably could tell from my first answer LOL.

 

Boundaries !!!

 

Sympathies,

Karen

[Daisy]

Gee I have always felt if you cannot talk with with own family about then who can you talk about it with? It is family after all and as long as you are close then I do not see a problem. I would not discuss outside of the family unless it was a very close friend.

 

Really? All I can say is count yourself fortunate to have such a blessed family.