My 13 yr ds says no one his age has to give their password to their parents.

[Mrs Mungo]

I can also check their cell phone anytime.

 

FYI-most cell phone companies can give you a printout of all texts made to/from a phone under your plan. It's good for kids to be aware of this.

[Unicorn.]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

QUOTE]

 

To your son from me: "Wanna Bet? I have my 13 yo's password, and will for as long as I pay for the internet and computer. All of his friend's parents have the same rule, and we are friends w/ all of our kids. Like the village raising the child thing. Oh, and my sister has my neice's password. My neice turned 21 two weeks ago. So. You Lose. Glad you didn't bet me-huh?"

[Jugglin'5]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

I have complete access to my teenagers' accounts, and, horrors!, I'm even friends with them. I also am friends with many of their friends, and so are many of the other moms of my acquaintance, especially the homeschooling ones.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Untrue here. We know all log-ins and all passwords and check them on occasion.

[Rosie_0801]

How would reading their email or checking their text messages tell you more than your child's behavior would? I don't believe in that level of control just for the sake of it.

 

You don't consider email and text messages as part of their behaviour?

 

Rosie

[amy g.]

My 13 year old asked how you can be sure that your kids don't have an account that you have the password to as well as additional accounts under different names that you don't know exist.

[Mabelen]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

I haven't read the other responses but when my daughter gets a Facebook account I will have the password and access to everything. I just got a Facebook for myself so I can experience first hand what it is like to be a Facebook user. My daughter and I also attended a presentation about Social networking given by a Girl Scout as part of her Gold Award. Her advisor, a FBI agent, was there to help with answering questions, and it was a real eye opener!

[Mabelen]

My 13 year old asked how you can be sure that your kids don't have an account that you have the password to as well as additional accounts under different names that you don't know exist.

 

This came up in the Girl Scout presentation. Basically, what you do is go to your child's friends pages and if your child has another (secret) account you should find it there...

[amy g.]

How would you find it if their real identity did not befriend their alter ego?

[Perry]

My 13 year old asked how you can be sure that your kids don't have an account that you have the password to as well as additional accounts under different names that you don't know exist.

If you have Firefox, you can look at Tools->Options ->saved passwords. Every facebook account accessed from that computer will be there.

 

If they're doing it on a different computer, you can't know.

[Crissy]

My 13 year old asked how you can be sure that your kids don't have an account that you have the password to as well as additional accounts under different names that you don't know exist.

 

Can I be positive? No, but I believe he understands the importance of having parental accountablility at his age. He is also very open and honest, and has nothing to hide.

[Tap]

I have the passwords to all of my kids accounts (and dh's) and I check them randomly. It is a condition of Internet usage in my home. I also have the administrator account on ds's personal computer so I can access and track everything done on it.

 

I am a very, very trusting parent but I am not stupid. The only way I know I can trust them is to monitor them. The more I monitored in the beginning, the more I trust, and thus the less often I monitor over time. They have tons of freedom, but 1 violation of our rules will get them shut down entirely. My kids know that my punishments are swift and extreme with it comes to violation of trust, so-far-so-good. I also hold my kids responsible for friends behavior in my home in regards to the Internet. To be fair, I am pretty compassionate when it comes to self-reporting of offences in all my kids actions. They have each ratted themselves out several times, mostly due to guilt and to maintain my trust. :) It works for us.

[Ginevra]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

 

My 12 year old has a FB account and I am "friended" to her, so I can see whatever she puts on there. If I wasn't on there, I would require to have access to her pw. It will be like that until she's old enough to go to college. I do make efforts to respect her privacy, but she is still a minor child and can still make foolish mistakes, so there you go.

[Wendi]

I actually deleted his access to Facebook on his login on my computer, so that the only way he can access Facebook is on my login, with me supervising. I don't really worry about him and his friends (I'm his friend, some of his friends are my friends, etc.); it's that Facebook has lots of content other than just innocent games. Try a Facebook search for something you wouldn't want your dc looking at, and you'll likely find it. (Not outright p*rn, but let's just say "mature content", bad language, etc.) Even the little buttons you can get for your bulletin board!

 

My ds is 13.

 

Wendi

[hillfarm]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

 

 

Your son may be correct in that many other 13yos are not required to have their FB account limited by time or access. However, it seems that he has neglected to remember that no parents are required to provide computer access to their children either. As long as my dd is using a computer purchased with my money, hooked to my phone line and my electricity, and she is my dependent child, then she will be expected to obey my rules.

 

I am responsible for keeping her safe and I take that responsibility very seriously. Because I have done a fairly good job of that so far (and the grace of God), she has little knowledge of the evils of the world. I will no more turn her lose in the wilds of cyberspace for the e-wolves to prey upon than I would in the real wilderness filled with its predators. And I believe I could face prosecution if I was crazy enough to do either.

 

I offer this gently, but IMO, your son needs a reminder that computer use is a privilege you graciously extend to him, not a right to be demanded. And totally dependent upon your chosen parameters not those he requests.

[Haiku]

 

Am I being unreasonable?

 

Tell your son to consider himself lucky that you are even considering letting him have a FB account. My 15 year old can't have one at all.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

I offer this gently, but IMO, your son needs a reminder that computer use is a privilege you graciously extend to him, not a right to be demanded. And totally dependent upon your chosen parameters not those he requests.

 

:iagree:

 

Tara

[Suzanne in ABQ]

My 13yodd has a Facebook account, and I have her password. I also have her password to her yahoo e-mail account.

[Impish]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

Not only would he NOT get facebook, but he'd lose puter time here, along with the lecture titled, "I Am Not Everyone Else's Mother, I'm Yours". :D

[Pip]

I get all my kids emails. I know all their passwords and they have no facebook.

[Remudamom]

My dds are almost 17 and 15 and I have both their passwords. I don't really need/use/whatever them, but I do have them.

 

(Actually I have them because I play farmville, and one farm isn't enough for me, so I have some on their accounts too.)

[fivetails]

If you have Firefox, you can look at Tools->Options ->saved passwords. Every facebook account accessed from that computer will be there.

 

If they're doing it on a different computer, you can't know.

 

I just tried this and there's *nothing* listed there... maybe it has to be set up ahead of time to do that?

[fivetails]

...and as for the topic... dd12 has her own email address, but I do indeed have the password. She never checks it on her own - I keep an eye on it and let her know when she has email. She doesn't have a facebook account. I also have her passwords for webkinz, whyville, and things like that. :)

 

(Ds11 sends the rare short email message through my email account - he can't use email on his own due to his disabilities, so passwords aren't an issue.)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Don't misunderstand, I have replied exactly in the ways you described above, especially the comment about other parents not doing their job. He just knows how often I search these boards so he said "go ahead and ask the WTM people". So I did.

 

I'm thinking facebook is going to be a no go for awhile longer.

 

Rose, I didn't mean "snarky to you", I meant "snarky/sarcastic" to the child who would dare question my infinite knowledge and wisdom on this issue;).

[dirty ethel rackham]

Not only would he NOT get facebook, but he'd lose puter time here, along with the lecture titled, "I Am Not Everyone Else's Mother, I'm Yours". :D

 

:lol::lol: Impish, you are cracking me up today!

[Perry]

I just tried this and there's *nothing* listed there... maybe it has to be set up ahead of time to do that?

Is there a line there that says "Remember passwords for sites"? That box has to be checked. I thought that was the default setting but maybe it isn't.

 

(You have to click on "saved passwords" then "show passwords", but I'm sure you figured that out.)

Edited November 18, 2009 by Perry

[Impish]

:lol::lol: Impish, you are cracking me up today!

Why thank you! I grow on people, over time. Kinda like mold. ;)

[fivetails]

Is there a line there that says "Remember passwords for sites"? That box has to be checked. I thought that was the default setting but maybe it isn't.

 

(You have to click on "saved passwords" then "show passwords", but I'm sure you figured that out.)

 

There is, and it is checked ~ but aha, I just figured it out. I clicked the 'exceptions' box and every single site that I log into is listed as an exception...and I realized - duh!! - that it's related to the little popup bar thing that asks me, when I register, if I 'want firefox to save this password' --- I've always told it 'no' ....now I know what that question is actually FOR and how it WORKS.

 

Durrr. Not always the fluffiest cat in the box. ;)

[DesertDweller]

My dd has a FB and an email account. I have access to both, and one of our rules is that I can check either at any time. I don't usually check email, but I do monitor the FB regularly. She's never done anything to violate our trust. I am more wary of other teens on FB that might post things they shouldn't that could end up on dd's newsfeed.

 

Dd had a friend a few years ago that had a Myspace account. (Dd was never allowed to have one.) The friend wanted to use our computer when she was over here one day so she could get on her account. I said okay. She left the page open without realizing it. I noticed it after she had left and was looking at it. I wasn't trying to be nosy, but I was curious. Wow! Some of the things that other kids had posted were shocking! Bad words and comments about morbid, death and dying type things. I was shocked. This girl was only about ten or eleven at the time.

 

So, there is absolutely no way that dd is allowed to have anything on the computer without me having complete access at any time. She is expected to have accountability for her actions, AND I would expect her to let me know if there is anything out if line from anyone else.

[swellmomma]

I have not read all the replies yet but I am sure many if not most have said you are not being unreasonable. If my kids thought it was a stupid rule than I would say no face book. My kids can all recite the one line I say everytime they try to play the "Well my friends..." It is Different rules for different families. I don't care if they are the only kid with a parent who has the password it is the rule of this family. Period.

 

We are dealing with the facebook discussion right now because they (the older 2) want an account but I am not yet comfortable with it at their ages. So far my stance is no, but perhaps once we are within a week of our move I will consider them getting one to keep in touch with friends after we are across the country. I will have the same rule as you, I will have full access, have the password and also be monitoring the email account created to let them set up their facebook account. They know that when I allow them to have facebook I will be doing these things. I have already told them if they ever have a problem with that I will simply delete the accounts. Problem solved.

[mcconnellboys]

LOL, they ALL say that! They say it when they're 17, too! Most parents I know do all the same things. It's just the kids who try to constantly tell each and every one of them that no one else in the whole world would even think of doing such a thing!

[Renee in NC]

My 13 year old asked how you can be sure that your kids don't have an account that you have the password to as well as additional accounts under different names that you don't know exist.

 

He could have, but I don't think he did. I never used his passwords for anything - it was a "just in case" thing. And your daughter is right - he could've done lots of things that I didn't know about and they didn't even have to involve the internet.

[ConnieB]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

Frankly if that's how he feels and couldn't come up with a better excuse than "everybody else" than I would probably decide that despite being 13 he's not mature enough to have an account. If he has nothing to hide than he should not balk at your requirement for access. If he has something to hide then obviously no account allowed.

 

Keep in mind, also, that because he IS 13, the Internet laws granting you as the parent some control no longer apply. He can therefore change his password without you being notified. And, unlike when he was 12 or younger, you can no longer write to Facebook (or anywhere else) and request that his account be deleted. Only he can make that request now. I'm only telling you this in case he decides to change his password and then would refuse to give you his new one.....it comes down to how well you will be able to discipline him. I know of another family who allowed their pre-teen to have an account, they had complete access....a week after their 13th birthday they changed their password because another teen had told them about the Internet Law no longer applying to them. As you might imagine the scene was not pretty when Mom requested the new password and teen refused. Mom of course revoked all computer rights, putting her own password on the computer, lol....but this is a public schooled child who simply access Facebook at school now. And the school won't help mom by saying no to computer access!

 

Even if your child will obey you about access......be sure to have a serious discussion about the down side of social networks like these. Everything he says and does and pictures he puts up and even friends he has will be accessible forever. Future employers, and even apparently colleges, are now looking at these networks to see the character of people...and who they "hang out" with! So it's apparently no longer just whether YOU are a good person, but whether your friends are too. I doubt my children will ever have access, but if I change my mind in the future, I will require that their account be always private. I'm told that kids don't like that because it's some kind of competition to see who has the most friends and become friends with your friends' friends and so on, so the kids don't keep it private and the whole world can see.

 

My other objection to these networks is the time warp factor....I've got many adult friends who say that they log on "just for a moment" and hours later they come up for air. Of course, I guess the same could be said for me and THIS forum, lol.

 

Good luck with your decision. I know these places are popular, but I've yet to see good of it.

[Murphy101]

I'll go one further.

*my* passwords are known by dh and I know his.

 

So obviously my kids aren't getting a private account.

[Brenda in FL]

I just tried this and there's *nothing* listed there... maybe it has to be set up ahead of time to do that?

 

You would have actually had to choose to allow the password to be saved. If a child wanted a secret account I don't think they'd have the browser save their password.

[Plucky]

I'll go one further.

*my* passwords are known by dh and I know his.

 

So obviously my kids aren't getting a private account.

 

Same here.

[KidsHappen]

And my 16 year old swears that all parents buy their children a new car when they turn 16. :glare:

[Plucky]

And my 16 year old swears that all parents buy their children a new car when they turn 16. :glare:

 

But of course. My ds claims he's the only one without unlimited texting on his cell phone and it appears that it's true among his friends. Even though it is "unfair" we still do not supply it. If parents can't stand up to peer pressure however will kids?

[Perry]

You would have actually had to choose to allow the password to be saved. If a child wanted a secret account I don't think they'd have the browser save their password.

That's true, but then wouldn't it show up in the exceptions list?

[Renee in NC]

How would you find it if their real identity did not befriend their alter ego?

 

I know this wasn't directed at me, but it was part of the sub-thread about knowing/not knowing if they are being secretive.

 

I asked my oldest (in chat on facebook:D) about having a secret account. He said he didn't, but most of the people he knew whose parents didn't let them have a myspace had accounts anyway. He said unless your child is never around the internet unsupervised (at the library, school, another friend's house, etc.) then they probably have one and you don't know it.

 

He realizes most hsers don't have this problem.

 

And yes, he would've told me when I asked. I even asked him would he confess to bad things he did back then and he said of course - was I going to ground him now for things that happened 4 years ago!:tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie:

[Nestof3]

He'd be required to give it to me if he were my son. Period.

[Slartibartfast]

I would also require a <16 year old to give me their p/w

[Sebastian (a lady)]

My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

I pretty much tell my kids (oldest is still a bit younger than 13) that until they are in their own apartment, using their own computer on the phoneline they pay for that they can expect some input into things like computer time from me and dh.

 

I don't let the kids on FB yet. A family that I respect quite a bit has let their teens onto FB. However, they have to write an essay about it and have the essay approved by their dad before they are allowed to get an account. Also, I've noticed that many of the teens of families I admire have lots of adult friends of the family as FB friends (as well as their own parents). Nothing like knowing that your mom's adult friends can also see all of the stuff you put onto your wall to help you stay descrete.

 

For the family I mentioned, there is a lot of military required family separation. I think that FB has in fact helped the family stay more connected in silly little ways that are hard to maintain when dad is away for months.

 

In short: no teen has a RIGHT to be on FB, however, there are ways of using it as a tool that honors the family's values.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Just adding my opinion to help you out with your ds. I don't know anyone who doesn't have their kids' passwords and regularly checks their e-mail accounts, facebook accounts, and any other page or application they belong to. If I found out my dc had an account which they didn't provide their password for, they wouldn't be allowed computer access without supervision. Didn't read all other responses, but, I'm pretty sure I'm in the majority.

[cathmom]

Nothing like knowing that your mom's adult friends can also see all of the stuff you put onto your wall to help you stay descrete.

 

 

 

You'd think.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Correct -- I see those parents "friending" the teen's friends and that allows them to see THEIR posts and photos. Helps to understand also what they do to hang out or get-togethers. Just keeps ya in the loop. HTH :)

 

This is a good point. You will see what your friends post and what other post to your friends, but not what your friend posts to people you don't have as a friend (unless that third person has very open settings).

 

I know that I use this occasionally to vent about things like politics or schooling that I don't necessarily want on my profile because it would raise the hackles of some of my relatives.

[StephanieZ]

My almost13dd got her new (first) laptop yesterday in anticipation of being allowed facebook on her birthday. We've made it crystal clear that the freedom to use a computer in this house comes with the requirement that dh and I have complete and unfetterred access to ALL accounts, passwords, etc FOREVERMORE until she moves out for college. I doubt I will use this access frequently, but I will routinely check her browsing history and I do already have her gmail forwarded to my own email just so I can see what is coming in to her.

 

She is completely OK with this.

 

If she wasn't OK with it, I would NOT allow her internet/email access as yet. There is too much scary stuff out there. I am ready to allow her to access it now, but only with me as training wheels. . .

[StephanieZ]

p.s. I am also on facebook and am fb friends with more than a dozen teens -- all kids of friends of mine. I think that it is great to be able to see what they are up to, interact/encourage/support them. . . and I am sure my kids will have many of my own mom-friends as friends once they get on fb as well. (And they WILL have me as a friend!) I agree that having "moms in the room" is good for everyone involved, encouraging relationships/mentoring and reminding the kids to keep their posts (if not their lives) PG rated. . .

[sunshine]

My ds was 16 when he got one. It was a long decision and I agreed because a friend of mine died whose husband had died the year before. They had 4 boys from age 13-19 and all the teens in the hs group set up a FB prayer group for the parentless children. This also helped keep the kids in the group as the 19 yr old got custody of the 3 younger ones and continued homeschooling them with the help of hs mothers.

 

there have been times when I have deactivated his account because of the black hole factor of losing hours on it. In the last 7 or so months he has deactivated himself for weeks at a time when he sees himself getting immersed in it. It is basically a gossip channel. You see what everyone is doing. Voyeurism to an extent. I find myself getting too nosy sometimes with mine. So I back off.

 

13? Not a chance mine would get one. Especially if he told me that it was stupid for me to have full acess. I can't help but wonder why he would care. It would make me suspicious and then all my personalities would decide that he has something to hide and we would agree "NO FACEBOOK".

[Thea]

My almost 16 yo dd does not have complete control on the internet. Her account on the computer is set up so that I can see where she goes and I have all passwords if I need them.