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My 13 yr ds says no one his age has to give their password to their parents.


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My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

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my 12 yo has a Facebook account. I have complete access. I told him it wasn't because I wanted to control him, but I wanted to see what the *other* kids were doing, so we could discuss appropriate responses, as needed.

Also, he has me as his friends, and his friends know. (Most of his friends do have their moms in their friend list.)

 

Just like any other 'subject', kids/teens need guidance. I check the account about once a week.

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Well, maybe he'll feel better knowing that my 13, 14, and 16 don't have facebook because I don't want them spending any more time in front of a screen than they already do. My ds 19 has discussed getting one, but he doesn't like the "disconnect" he sees among the "friends". His opinion is that he talks to his friends by phone or email. If someone doesn't want to do that, he probably isn't a good friend. That's *his* reasoning anyways.

 

But, if my sons really wanted an account, they would have to give me the password. I have all passwords for e-mail addys. My 19 yo actually asks me to check his e-mail on the days he's expecting something and he's going to be out of touch of computer.

 

Could they have accounts I don't know about? Sure! But I can only do what I can do - and I think it's important to monitor friendships (esp. of the anonymous type) these days.

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I have a 14 year old soon to be *15* in 2 months and not only do we require passwords for Facebook we require it for every site she goes too and also email. If she wants to fuss and whine about that, then she does *not* have to have access to a computer. We don't check up on her daily but we do spot checks once a month or so. As long as she is under our roof she lives by our rules, period, end of discussion. As a parent we only have to food, clothe and shelter them. Not allow i pod, cell phone, internet and laptop and so on.....those are *luxuries*.

I have to say my kid is good and we have no reason to distrust her and I have never found anything alarming on her computer. I just get on my high horse about ungrateful kids that *expect* things. I am NOT talking about your kid, Rose, I mean kids in general.

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My 13 yr old wasn't allowed to have facebook. The computer internet was also password protected. When he was 17 we stopped using the password and allowed facebook. I might have said yes to facebook at 16, if he wanted it, becuase he was responsible and had proved himself trustworthy with the computer.

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Meet Guitar Dude, 14yo. May not have a FB and I create his passwords for everything.

 

Meet Bard, 12 yo. Also without FB and operating under mom-created passwords.

 

It's not necessarily b/c of who they are that I guard the computer, but b/c of who the rest of the world is full of. No thanks. Not giving the chance for some loco to come and befriend my dc.

 

I have the advantage of my dc witnessing a pedophilia attempt on a friends 15yo and also the "drama" of some teens with their MySpace. I'm pleased neither ds is interested. DD on the other hand, will surely put up a little fuss :)

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I knew ds might want to use it someday and I wanted to have it figured out by then.

 

 

I think this is so important! I make a point of keeping my computer literacy current because of my boys. They are aware that I know at least as much, if not more, about these little boxes than they do.

I believe it will always be less tempting for them to try to hide things from me.

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If he thinks it's a stupid rule then no facebook. One of the reasons I signed up for facebook in the first place was that I knew ds might want to use it someday and I wanted to have it figured out by then. He doesn't have one yet, but I'll have his password for sure when he does.

 

Actually I do agree with this and have told him that if he can't understand the rules and argues about them, then it's a no go.

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If he thinks it's a stupid rule then no facebook. One of the reasons I signed up for facebook in the first place was that I knew ds might want to use it someday and I wanted to have it figured out by then. He doesn't have one yet, but I'll have his password for sure when he does.

 

:iagree: absolutely. I have my ds12's passwords to the computer and e-mail (though I have to confess that I'm more likely to have to ask him for my password:tongue_smilie:) My ds12 does not have facebook at all.

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Okay so I've read your responses. Thanks. You know deep in my heart I don't this boy should have facebook and I think this is going to be one of those tough parenting decisions (tough because he's going to argue about it).

 

I agree with people who say it's less about trusting him and more about not trusting others.

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My snarky response would be either

a) If I believed that, next thing you know, you're selling me swampland in the Sahara.

 

or

 

b) If that is the case, the other parents aren't doing their job, which is to supervise in potentially harmful situations.

 

Either way - case closed, no password, no computer time.

 

Don't misunderstand, I have replied exactly in the ways you described above, especially the comment about other parents not doing their job. He just knows how often I search these boards so he said "go ahead and ask the WTM people". So I did.

 

I'm thinking facebook is going to be a no go for awhile longer.

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Ok, I haven't read any of the other answers yet but your position sounds reasonable to me. In my household, the rules are, I have all passwords of all children in my household under the age of 16. In practice I have all passwords of all children (even the ones that don't live with me) except for the 16 year old. Not only that, everyone in the household has everyone else's passwords as well. So, if I forget someone's password, I can simply ask someone else in the household and they will know. We have public passwords on the general access computer and I have a known password on all non-critical accounts. Basically, anyone in this household can log into anyone else's computer, myspace or facebook.

 

Most parents I know are friends on their children's accounts and can see activity on their walls plus they have access to their accounts. Not to mention, I am friends with many of my children's friends and their parents are my children's friends. If a child makes a silly mistake or post something inappropriate, adult's do not have a problem gently suggesting a correction.

 

IMO, 13 is too young for unmonitored accounts, especially if the child is not internet savvy.

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My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

Parents I know have full access to their teen's account. Especially with the photos that are "tagged" after a weekend party or mischief, if ya know whut ah mean. Lots of older teens and college kids de-tag their FB account on Monday morning.

 

I do know of one friend's kid (8th grader) who created a FB account (at public school's computer lab) without permission and did some R-E-A-L-L-Y stupid stuff with photos. The parent got word of it and let's just say the kid will be lucky if he gets to use a computer by the time he is 18.

 

That's why FB suddenly became popular with the "old crowd" -- it used to be the hip thing for college kids and teens -- us parents made it more mainstream. :D

Edited by tex-mex
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I have all passwords for my 14 year old, nearly 13 year old and nearly 11 year old. If I didn't, they would not have email or Facebook.

 

The key, however, to Facebook seems to be in watching their Friends list and, if needed, going to their friends Facebook to check up on drama, pics, etc.

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I have all passwords for my 14 year old, nearly 13 year old and nearly 11 year old. If I didn't, they would not have email or Facebook.

 

The key, however, to Facebook seems to be in watching their Friends list and, if needed, going to their friends Facebook to check up on drama, pics, etc.

 

I totally agree about watching the friends list and checking up on their site. Man, yesterday I was thinking how much easier my parents had it . . . one channel on t.v., no internet, one phone line, no cell phone . . . of course I still managed to get into trouble. :001_smile:

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I have all passwords for my 14 year old, nearly 13 year old and nearly 11 year old. If I didn't, they would not have email or Facebook.

 

The key, however, to Facebook seems to be in watching their Friends list and, if needed, going to their friends Facebook to check up on drama, pics, etc.

 

Correct -- I see those parents "friending" the teen's friends and that allows them to see THEIR posts and photos. Helps to understand also what they do to hang out or get-togethers. Just keeps ya in the loop. HTH :)

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My daughter is almost 17. I have had her email and Facebook/Myspace passwords since she set them up. She set up her email six years ago for school stuff. I still (with her permission) monitor stuff in her inbox. She gets a lot of pornographic spam in the email and I delete them before she sees the messages. I also insisted that she "friend me" on Facebook since that is the one she uses most so I have an idea what is going on in her life and that of her friends. I wouldn't listen to a kid saying they don't want to give you their password. You never know what will happen in this day and age with no monitoring going on at home!

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My soon to be 13yo dd will be getting a FB account on her birthday. She knows the rules: I get complete access to her account, her password, I must approve all photos before they are posted, I can ask to read her Private Messages and she will give access, I must approve ALL friend request before she accepts them, etc. The internet is too dangerous for a 13yo to have unsupervised access. And, with FB being hacked into all the time...I want to be on top of things. My dd doesn't keep secrets from me (yet!) and so she is cool with my rules. But, I did tell her it's "my way or no FB". That's the bottom line. You are the parent. He is the child. Your rules trump everything else. Period.

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My dd is almost 13yo. Anything she does online at all has to be open to me. I know all passwords and have full access to her email. I do not read every tiny thing, but I do check on her from time to time.

 

It will remain this way as long as she is in my home.

 

:iagree::iagree:This is the way it is for both my 15 and 13 yo.

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My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

He's right! My son does not need to share any of his passwords with me! My 13 yr old son isn't allowed to have any accounts in his name where he would need a password. We share a gmail account for e-mail. As of now I see no need for him to be on a online forum such as facebook.

 

I am on facebook and am friends with both my nieces (14 and 12, different parents). Frankly, I don't want my ds to be friends online with either of them. Both have put inappropriate pictures online.

 

The 14 yr old swears all the time. 14 yr old niece has no parents watching her account (which doesn't surprise me) I've called her out on the language she uses and I'm surprised I'm still her friend. Her pictures make her look like she's in her 20's and are very sexy, scanty looking. She's very careful about not revealing the fact that she is in High school and implies that she's in college. She lives in a very small town (her class is about 90 students) but has over 300 friends on facebook, so she's picking up friends she does not know. It worries me to no end. My mom lives down the street from her and unknown to niece, my mom keeps a close eye on her facebook page by using mine. Her dad is a Police Officer in a nearby city and should know better than to allow it but her mom lets her do anything she wants.

 

My 12 yr old niece is a great girl and I e-mail back and forth with her a lot. Even so, I wouldn't let ds (13) be facebook friends with her. Her parents both monitor her page. On facebook she really puts down school and is negative about a lot of things (normal teen attitude) I don't want ds to copy that kind of behavior. If he wants to e-mail her great. She's also put pictures online that don't show anything, but makes it obvious that she is skinny dipping (totally nude). My sister and her dh are fine with that, I don't want to expose my ds to it. Also, by being friends with her my ds would be able to access a lot of what her friends put out there and that is some nasty stuff.

 

Anyhow, nope my ds does not need to share any passwords with me. Because he has no accounts that need them. Ask your ds if that's the way he wants it too. I bet he won't question you about it again. And please keep a close eye on his account. I would never have thought I would object to my nieces being friends with ds on facebook, the three of them are so close in age and have grown up together. What I found out by friending them myself: they are very different online than at family functions!

 

IMHO, this is one of those hills to die on.

Melissa

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I agree. No private account. My dd has an account, but only has me and her grandmother as friends, and only to play scrabble and Farmtown! She will have her own private password when she is mature enough, grounded in her beliefs so as not to be swayed, and strong enough to not succomb to peer pressure. When will that be? Probably around 18... time will tell when she is ready. A child who says that is stupid is naive, and totally underestimating how dangerous Facebook could be.

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I have not read the other replies but I have passwords to facebook and email.

I can also check their cell phone anytime.

I have a piece of paper will all passwords that I keep on my desk.

 

Just so happens this past weekend I tried to log onto dds youtube account and what do you know she changed the password without telling me~lets just say it wasn't a good night here. She is only 13. She thinks she deserves privacy and so on. I'm not ready for any more 13 year old female tantrums~Hubby was not home at the time.

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My 13 yr ds wants facebook. I'm considering this. My rules include time limits and complete access to his account. He thinks this is "stupid" and that no other parents with kids his age would require such restrictions.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Should I allow this boy computer access without supervision? (I know the answer to this question and won't change my mind. I just want him to see that we're not the only parents with concerns about the computer.)

 

Our kids are all "friends" of both of us parents so that we can see everything on their page. Many of their friends are also our friends and their friends' parents are also their friends.

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