Joanne Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 It's legal, common and an optional step. Generally, the idea is to make me uncomfortable, the "trip me up", to test how I will be as a witness and to gather information. My attorney has limited objections she can make. And I have to answer the question even if she objects. We could do one on "him" but are not going to for cost and we don't think it's necessary for our case. It's a twisted, convoluted, icky system. I do not deserve this suit, let alone giving a deposition to his attorney in the presence of him and his wife. It's like legally being psychologically raped by a third party. I don't use that comparison lightly. The kind of abuse I suffered in my marriage to that man and subsequently is not the kind I can get a restraining order from or get legal protection from. And now I get to be grilled from the perspective of life that bears little resemeblence to reality and is absolutely oriented to destroy me. My attorney and husband will be there. The ad litem/amicus (attorney respresenting my son) will also be there: he's evaluated the case in our favor. It's 9:00 am tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Oh, Joanne. I'm so sorry. I will be holding you in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I will be praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. Praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 thoughts and prayers are with you. I do know what this is like - everything you wrote rings true with me. Please know that folks are praying for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug: Be strong. You can do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicki Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Praying. God bless, Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 You are in my thoughts and prayers. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 That's so unfair. At the very least, you should be able to request it be done without your ex and his wife present. I'm really surprised at the legal aspect of such a thing. You're a trooper. I would opt for having him deposed as well. I don't recall all of the specifics in your case but it seems like he's the one in the wrong. He obviously knows that and is doing all he can to publicly humiliate you for standing up to him. Then again, maybe I can relate. I've let my ex get away with so much for the sake of my dd's mental health. I have 305 days until my oldest dd turns 18 and I can tell my ex to go to he** and never contact me me again. I absolutely loathe him and his wife. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug:Prayers from here, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I'll be sending positive thoughts your way tomorrow, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean too Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 my sister had to do this too and my parents and I were subpeoned at witnesses and unfortunately had to sit through 4 days of this. It was the most awful thing I've ever had to see. He did it again. And everytime he did my sis's attorney would request it of him too. His was always scheduled first and he never showed up. It gave my sis's attorney a way to refuse it for her and she only had that first one done. Tit for tat, but if he didn't do what he asked then it she didn't have to either. :grouphug: So sorry you have to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 my sister had to do this too and my parents and I were subpeoned at witnesses and unfortunately had to sit through 4 days of this. It was the most awful thing I've ever had to see. He did it again. And everytime he did my sis's attorney would request it of him too. His was always scheduled first and he never showed up. It gave my sis's attorney a way to refuse it for her and she only had that first one done. Tit for tat, but if he didn't do what he asked then it she didn't have to either. :grouphug: So sorry you have to go through this. As for having to answer every question, did your lawyer tell you to not elaborate? Give the shortest answer possible, usually a yea or no and don't offer more information unless specificially asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Sounds stressful! Hope all goes well :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Wishing you the best :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Praying for you and sending you Iceburg Powers.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 That is terrible and I am so so sorry you are facing this. I know full well having prayer surround court appearances... will be praying for you, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I can relate more than you know and I will remember you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I will be praying, Joanne. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug: I am praying for God to guide your thoughts and give you the right words to speak, and for His arms to surround you during the process! Hang in there, Hon, we're praying for you! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I have been to court under similar (not exactly the same) circumstances and it is NOT enjoyable at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Hugs and Prayers. I am so sorry you have to go through this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug:Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Praying here, hon. Be strong and hang tough. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 smile, answer slowly, remember to listen to the entire question and answer it as sparely as possible. Don't give assent to their assumptions--i.e. if they are nodding at you as they say something like, "You were an emotional wreck when your son hurt himself through your negligence, weren't you?" in your anxiety to answer one part of that two part question it is easy to appear to agree to the other part without even realizing it. Don't be afraid to ask them to repeat the question. If you don't understand the question, don't answer it until you do. Don't be sarcastic or fly off the handle. Think of yourself as above the fray, and full of your own calm. You can do this, I know this. Remember, you are a Child of the King. Hold your head up, Joanne. You are bathed in prayer and lifted up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Gosh, Joanne, if it's any consolation, just from what I know of you from these boards, you win my vote for the most-difficult-to-trip-up-with-tricky-questioning award! But it is pretty crummy that you have to go through with this. I have only been through something vaguely similar to this once, years ago, but I agree with all those who've suggested calm, concise answers. But I'm betting you already knew that ;). More prayers comin' your way from here, specifically for your grace, composure, and appropriate responses under questioning. Remember who loves you, and that they still will no matter how the day goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 (edited) I agree with everyone who recommends only answering in short answers and not elaborating. Even if there is dead silence to fill - a trick of attorney (and school folks at IEP meetings, etc.) is to leave a dead silence...knowing that silence is uncomfortable and you will feel the need to keep talking to fill the void. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS TRICK! Just stay calm, give your short answer, and then stare expectantly at the questioner as if waiting for THEM to speak. Also watch your body language - do not get all tense or fidget. Edited July 22, 2009 by JFSinIL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug: Definitely praying. You'll be exhausted afterwards. Can you take some time when it's done to regroup in some way? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 It's legal, common and an optional step. Generally, the idea is to make me uncomfortable, the "trip me up", to test how I will be as a witness and to gather information. My attorney has limited objections she can make. And I have to answer the question even if she objects. We could do one on "him" but are not going to for cost and we don't think it's necessary for our case. It's a twisted, convoluted, icky system. I do not deserve this suit, let alone giving a deposition to his attorney in the presence of him and his wife. It's like legally being psychologically raped by a third party. I don't use that comparison lightly. The kind of abuse I suffered in my marriage to that man and subsequently is not the kind I can get a restraining order from or get legal protection from. And now I get to be grilled from the perspective of life that bears little resemeblence to reality and is absolutely oriented to destroy me. My attorney and husband will be there. The ad litem/amicus (attorney respresenting my son) will also be there: he's evaluated the case in our favor. It's 9:00 am tomorrow. :grouphug: Mine a few months ago was the most horrific thing i have gone thru in my life. I'll be thinking of you chicky. Your description is spot on btw, and you haven't even been thru it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 :grouphug: Lots of positive energy and love coming your way. I'm sorry you have to go through this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Why is his present wife at the depo??? As a second spouse and as an attorney there is no good to come from this. Naturally I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you were my client I would simply refuse to permit you to be deposed with this person in the room. It is simply meant to shame , intimidate and belittle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Why is his present wife at the depo??? As a second spouse and as an attorney there is no good to come from this. Naturally I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you were my client I would simply refuse to permit you to be deposed with this person in the room. It is simply meant to shame , intimidate and belittle. Hey, good point. Can your attorney require the spouse to leave the room? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in CA Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Praying for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I was just saying that I had no plans for tomorrow. Now I do. I will be thinking about you really really hard. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5Youngs Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'm praying for strength, wisdom and protection for you, your son and your attorney. Love you~:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 :grouphug: here's praying that it goes peacefully, and/or that an opportunity presents itself for you to legitimately bail and/or have him deposed too....;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 My thoughts and prayers are with you. :grouphug: You absolutely do not have to do the depo with the new wife in the room. Talk to your attorney about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Good heavens, you never seem to catch a clean break with this a**hole. Hang in there. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Joanne, I am praying for you. I pray for strength, wisdom and peace for you. I pray for compassion on all the parties involved. Isaiah 41:10 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I give you strength, I bring you help. I hold you up with my victorious right hand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Why is his present wife at the depo??? As a second spouse and as an attorney there is no good to come from this. Naturally I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you were my client I would simply refuse to permit you to be deposed with this person in the room. It is simply meant to shame , intimidate and belittle. I agree with this - we thought we were going to have to do with my MIL. But if it were me, i'd not want her there - and even if that meant not having my current DH in there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Praying for you, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'm praying for you. Read and pray through Ps. 37. This one came to me: "The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow to cast down the afflicted and the needy, to slay those who are upright in conduct. Their sword will entier their own heart, and their bows will be broken." There is so much throughout Psalms to arm you with strength for this. "Contend, Oh Lord, with those who contend with me." Nothing like what is happening to you has happened to me, but a little over a year ago, we dealt with a situation where someone was coming against dh and I and slandering us for something we just had not done, assigning bad motives to us that were just untrue. God, dh and I knew we were innocent, so I prayed through many of these verses and believed in the Lord to help us. He did!! I remember reading and praying through Psalm 7 also. The person who did this to us dug a pit for us to fall into and he fell into it himself. Others looked on and saw the truth and we were completely vindicated. God knows the truth and can vindicate you in this. Trust him. He can put the right words in your mouth for this!! I"m praying for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 It's wednesday morning and I can't stop thinking about Joanne! I hope she saw the message about asking her attorney to have the ex's current wife barred from the room. The whole thing just makes me so mad! And I'm not even the one who has to go through it! :mad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 :iagree:Keep in touch Joanne. We are here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Praying for you! Hope the whole awful situation is over now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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