What’s the current accepted protocol on sickness/canceling attendance?

[Spryte]

Attending a party this evening — large, several sides of the family, hostess is nervous and stressed, as lots of her soon to be extended ILs will be attending. Our unit of four RSVP’d that we will be there, but I’m sick. It’s a casual party, potluck finger foods — we would not be taking our goodies, but with 30 other people, I think it would not be missed if we don’t attend.

DH has been fighting something all week, but seems fine now. 

I woke up with low grade fever, sore throat, congested. Advil helps, and in the Before Times I might have sucked it up and attended if things stay this mild. I am the one who always gets sick and has to miss things, and I hate feeling like that, so I would sometimes try. I’d prefer to curl up in bed, but try for the sake of hostess, if that’s their preference.

But it’s not the Before Times, I was exposed to someone with Covid last week, and despite DH and my negative tests — we want to be careful and not pass along germs.

So, do I cancel and send kids and DH alone? Do we all stay home? Or since we RSVP’d — do we just go?

I know what I would want, were I hosting, but I want to know what the rest of the world thinks.

Edited December 23, 2023 by Spryte

[Starr]

This is so difficult since people have such differing options. I would stay home if I felt really bad and go if it was mild. 

[Ethel Mertz]

My 2 cents: stay home! Mention Covid exposure and that half of you are sick.

[Innisfree]

If it were my party, I’d appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness in telling me that you were sick and staying home.

[Annie G]

2 minutes ago, Starr said:

This is so difficult since people have such differing options. I would stay home if I felt really bad and go if it was mild. 

This. 
I hosted Thanksgiving and my 91 year old father showed up clearly sick, coughing like crazy. I was the only one who was irritated by it. My sisters and their families didn’t care at all, and to be fair, I don’t think anyone got sick after.  But other families have different takes on illness and in the op scenario at least the op wouldn’t come, and probably not any from that family unit. Ya gotta know your audience. 

Edited December 22, 2023 by Annie G

[wisdomandtreasures]

Stay home

[mommyoffive]

I would test all your family before going.  You I would stay home or at least tell the hosts you are sick.  But really even if it isn't Covid I wouldn't want to get others sick over the holidays.

[KSera]

9 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

If it were my party, I’d appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness in telling me that you were sick and staying home.

This. I would stay home. The host might say it’s fine and they don’t mind, but they can’t speak for all their guests. I’d be unhappy to be at a party with someone sick and find out the host told them it was fine to come. And quadruple so a few days before Christmas. People might think they don’t mind, but when their Christmas Eve and/or Day plans are blown because they’re sick, they’ll likely feel differently. (This would have been my answer before Covid as well—I don’t think people should go to parties and spread germs when they know they’re sick.)
 

I’m sorry and hope you feel better quickly!

[SKL]

Since I kinda hate parties, I would love to have the excuse to stay home.  😛

I think that if you aren't a key person there and don't mind missing the party, it is perfectly fine to send your regrets on the day of.

[Ethel Mertz]

Also, host would be upset if you got her soon-to-be in-laws sick!

[KatieJ]

Spryte, I am sorry you are sick, but agree with sending your regrets. This is a nasty germ for sure. I am in day 7 of what you described. I seem to have gotten a very severe case if it. ( highly unusual for me!) Dh and I have sequestered ourselves at home. ( Dh is about to Jo stir crazy as he is thankfully not sick)

We have cancelled three Christmas events this week and our kiddoes have moved Christmas gathering to next weekend. This is a germ I apparently picked up from a guy coughing next to me at the gym. 

 

Edited December 22, 2023 by KatieJ

[Pawz4me]

I'd err on the side of caution and "doing unto others" and stay home.

When I was younger and healthier I probably wouldn't have thought too much about going. But now I'm older, and DH and I are both immune compromised, and MIL is frail, and . . . I don't ever want to be responsible for making anyone else sick if I can possibly prevent it (fully acknowledging that it's not always possible to prevent). Plus I really don't want to be the one that everybody talks about forevermore -- "Remember that Christmas when Spryte made everybody sick?" We've got one of those stories in our extended family, and I'm very thankful it wasn't our little group who was responsible.

[wintermom]

Stay home - the whole family. It's just not worth the risk of spreading sickness to others at this time of year.

[TechWife]

I think all of your family should stay home. Our children’s hospital has tons of respiratory related admissions & has kids waiting in the CED for beds most days. 

Honestly, I can’t imagine considering going to a party having had a fever w/in 24 hours. Even in the before times, that was a big no-no. Also, in the before times people would get mad when others exposed their kids to any sickness. Remember how flu runs through families and then classrooms at school? It would run through a party, too. Ten families, each with two kids who each have 24 other kids in their classroom is 480 kids, who take it home to the three other people in their family for a total of 1,440 people. Those 1,440 go to other classrooms and workplaces. And so on, and so on. 

[scholastica]

If you woke up with a fever, you should stay home. It takes a few days into symptoms to test positive these days. Even if it’s not Covid, it could be flu, RSV or any of myriad other viruses. It’s the courteous thing to do to stay home.

[Katy]

My grandmother went to a family party last week where someone attended with a fever. Sick person didn’t test for Covid. Now at least 6 more people have Covid. Including my elderly Grandmother. 

All of which to say, please test for Covid first. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

My family has been sick for three weeks. We keep passing it back and forth, I think. I miss the Covid times where if you had a cough you just stayed home, because my kids were sort of sick but not sick enough to stay home from school.  I didn’t meet our hospitals or my college’s(I teach in a program that is sponsored by both) guidelines to stay home either because I never spiked a fever but I feel like I’m dying coughing in my office today and I’m new so no sick time.

I miss it being culturally acceptable to just stay home.  Covid/flu/RSV is rampant right now and so if I could and were you, I’d stay home and try to not spread it best I could.

[TechWife]

5 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

…

I miss it being culturally acceptable to just stay home.  Covid/flu/RSV is rampant right now and so if I could and were you, I’d stay home and try to not spread it best I could.

It’s quite a legacy that we’ve been left with, isn’t it? 

[Innisfree]

3 minutes ago, TechWife said:

It’s quite a legacy that we’ve been left with, isn’t it? 

At one point it seemed reasonable to hope that the legacy would be an increased respect for the need to stay home when sick. Pity that seems to have vanished.

[Spryte]

I am completely on board with staying home. And I’d want a group to stay home with their sickness if they were sick, too.

I just don’t want to commit a faux pas and offend anyone by canceling last minute. This particular group of (hosting) people is “come even if you’re sick” and I’m fighting uphill on this since apparently I’m always the one to cancel. 🙄

[TechWife]

6 minutes ago, Spryte said:

I am completely on board with staying home. And I’d want a group to stay home with their sickness if they were sick, too.

I just don’t want to commit a faux pas and offend anyone by canceling last minute. This particular group of (hosting) people is “come even if you’re sick” and I’m fighting uphill on this since apparently I’m always the one to cancel. 🙄

It’s not a faux pas. If anyone is doing that, it’s the hosting group. I do think your family should stay home, too. They may wake up with a fever tomorrow, after all.

After the holidays, it might be worth touching base with someone in the group & letting them know that you have to be careful when someone is ill for the sake of your own health, and “after all, I don’t want you to come down with the gunk, either.”  Then, tell them you’re glad they continue to invite you and assure them that coming is a priority and you try to make it whenever possible. That’s all you can do. Their reaction to your health needs is up to them. 

[Terabith]

I would definitely not go with a fever. But if your kids have no symptoms and your husband hasn’t had symptoms in 24 hours, and they test negative, I would probably send them.  
 

Currently my youngest has what we’re assuming is a bad cold. The rest of us are going out and about, masking where it doesn’t interfere with what we’re doing (we have eaten in a couple restaurants and gone to the gym), while she stays home.  She tested negative for covid and hasn’t had a fever that registered on thermometer.  So I am in favor of sick people staying home but I don’t think it’s necessary for entire families to stay home if one person is sick. I am in favor of masking if possible though.  I mask at stores, definitely at the pharmacy, the library, church, public events.  

[ScoutTN]

Love your neighbor as yourself; stay home. 

[Spryte]

Ok, so we are sending regrets for all. DH had it earlier this week, and now I do. It’s obviously contagious, and chances are one kid or the other is brewing it. This is not the Christmas gift we want to give.

Thank you so much, everyone. I needed to hear that it’s ok to stay home. 
 

 

[rebcoola]

I would stay home even the before times once someone popped a fever it was time to cancel.  

[Hilltopmom]

Stay home 🙂

we have covid right now from sick people not staying home from school

Especially with a fever- you’re likely contagious with something.

[ScoutTN]

Even “just a cold” is not something anyone wants shared. 

[Ellie]

I would stay home, all of you. It doesn't matter whether it's the "current" thing to do or not. Stay home. You could be contagious with a cold, and someone else could get it and have more severe symptoms. I wouldn't even bother testing. Just stay home.

[Kanin]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

Since I kinda hate parties, I would love to have the excuse to stay home.  😛

 

Ha, same. But I'd be really annoyed if a person who knows they're sick showed up to my party. Plus, a fever to me, low grade or not, indicates something maybe not just a cold. 

Once I went to an event where a family had just gotten over a stomach bug - and they made a bunch of food to bring and share. Guess who got the stomach bug next... ALL of us! 

[Amethyst]

Stay home. This is not the Before Times. I think there is more understanding of caution, and less eye rolling than there was in the Before Times. 

[KungFuPanda]

I can see being on the fence for a mild cold, but once there’s a fever it’s over. Even in the Before  Times fever-free for 24 hours was a standard courtesy. People don’t want to spend their holidays sick because of one shared meal. I’d assume my immediate family is in various stages of contagious and not mix households. You don’t know who the other guests are visiting next. 

[City Mouse]

I agree that you should stay home. No need to get other people sick for the holidays. I would say that it is fine for the rest to go without you.

Where I live there are a couple nasty respiratory viruses going around that are not Covid, but after having them run through my house, I would not wish them on anyone else.

[Ausmumof3]

I can’t say what most people do because we seem to have sick people around us all the time. But what we tend to do is iso the sick person. If it’s in the first couple of days of exposure and I’m worried someone else may also be exposed no one would go. If the sick person has been isolated in their room and masked for using the bathroom then the rest of us may go. I have some trust in our isolation protocols because this year all my kids have had a cold once (2/3 from church - masked indoors but unmasked to chat outdoors afterwards) and none of them have spread it to anyone else. 

[MercyA]

Sick people at get togethers bothered me even in the Before Times. Once a relative brought her sick kids to a Christmas gathering. Predictably, my child got sick and then couldn't see family who were only in the area once or twice a year. (This relative was VERY sorry and is more careful now, in every way--especially after COVID. Went from a non-vaxxer to a vaxxer, even!)

This is not the time to spread stuff. Actually it's never the time to spread stuff. It's not polite or kind.

You're doing the right thing, Spryte.

[regentrude]

Aside from the valid point of not wanting to infect others: a sick person usually doesn't feel well. So why would they want to drag themselves to a party? That alone would be enough reason for me to stay home.