Six PM wedding

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm going to my great-niece's wedding.  It's at 6 pm.  It's outside.  It's semi-formal.  That's all I know.  Am I correct to assume that despite absolutely no mention of a reception anywhere on the invitation or the website, that there will be food?  I have celiac so might not be able to eat much even if there is, so what do you suggest I do for a semi-formal event?  (Which is also four hours away from home.) 

[Tap]

With Covid, all the general rules have changed. I wouldn't assume anything. Anyone close to the bride that you can ask? 

[catz]

Wow - could you slide an e-mail to someone close to the bride?  Do they have awebsite that might have more information?  I guess I wouldn't assume anything with a 6 pm ceremony start and no additional info.  

[happi duck]

What kind of venue?  Maybe you can call there

[Jean in Newcastle]

Just now, Tap said:

With Covid, all the general rules have changed. I wouldn't assume anything. Anyone close to the bride that you can ask? 

I can try to find out.  The bride's mother (my niece) lives in a different country but I'm not sure if they have flown over here for the wedding yet.  It makes communication a bit harder. 

[Arcadia]

There should be food for a 6pm wedding but I would bring my own “emergency” food and put something like a jerky pack or granola bar in my purse. I would book a hotel near the wedding site just because I would not want to drive back so late and also because I am the kind that would get together with relatives the next day to chat before driving back home.

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, catz said:

Wow - could you slide an e-mail to someone close to the bride?  Do they have awebsite that might have more information?  I guess I wouldn't assume anything with a 6 pm ceremony start and no additional info.  

I have scoured the website from top to bottom.  Information is minimal.  I looked up the address.  It appears to be at a home, not an actual "venue". 

[gardenmom5]

I would bring something to eat that was safe.  Put it in a cooler in the car.

Just because it's at 6pm, I wouldn't assume there would be anything more than cake.  Especially if there was nothing on the invites stating anything about a meal.

[mom2samlibby]

6 pm is at a meal time. Etiquette dictates that a meal should be served. I personally would assume that there will be food. 

[Frances]

I’d bring some food of your own to be safe, especially given the celiac. Despite the wedding being right around the dinner hour, I’m not sure it’s safe to assume food, especially food you can actually eat, will be served.

Edited July 9, 2022 by Frances

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have now been told that there is a reception to follow.  But no information on whether it is a dinner or just cake and punch.  Or of course if I can eat any of it.  I will bring some food in my car. 

 

[Catwoman]

It’s so weird that they didn’t mention anything about food! Ugh! And now you get the joy of feeling awkward and wondering who you can ask about it.

Edited to add — I see we were posting at the same time — I think you’re smart to bring food, just in case there’s nothing safe at the reception. It’s not like this is right around the corner from home where you would at least know what local restaurants would work for you, so bringing your own food is probably your best option.

Edited July 9, 2022 by Catwoman

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

It’s so weird that they didn’t mention anything about food! Ugh! And now you get the joy of feeling awkward and wondering who you can ask about it.

Bride is young (20) and bride's parents live overseas, so I don't think that there has been as much help navigating this event. 

 

[ScoutTN]

I hope you enjoy the wedding, despite lack of communication about food! 
 

I always eat before I go and take my own, just in case, for things like this. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I'd assume nothing.  We don't live in a world where it pays to make assumptions.  It's time we all let go of the myth that there are universally accepted norms for weddings in the US-there aren't.

I'd take food in a cooler to leave in the car, and I'd eat a high protein/high fiber substantial snack before I arrive at the wedding just in case. That way I could still eat a meal at the wedding if it's provided, but wouldn't be uncomfortably hungry if there's only cake, and I'd have more of the substantial snack in the cooler for after the wedding just in case cake was the only thing served.

[Grace Hopper]

1 hour ago, mom2samlibby said:

6 pm is at a meal time. Etiquette dictates that a meal should be served. I personally would assume that there will be food. 

Twenty years ago this was probably a safe assumption. Times have changed. 
 

Jean, bring some safe food. Something brown bag/picnic-like that won’t spoil in case there is a meal planned and they actually do serve food you can eat. 
 

eta reading thru I see that you have decided to bring food, I think that’s wise. FWIW I thought you were going to ask what to wear and I would have answered that navy blue is always good for a 6pm wedding 😂

Edited July 9, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[klmama]

I would eat an early dinner before going to the wedding, since you don't know if they will start the reception immediately afterward or if they will spend an hour on photos first. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

1 hour ago, mom2samlibby said:

6 pm is at a meal time. Etiquette dictates that a meal should be served. I personally would assume that there will be food. 

My eldest daughter just recently got married.

Their wedding was at midday. There was no reception, no food, no cake. It was just a ceremony. It was exactly what they wanted, and it was perfect.

So, I wouldn't assume anything.

@Jean in NewcastleI hope you have a lovely time.

[Alicia64]

2 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

I would bring something to eat that was safe.  Put it in a cooler in the car.

Just because it's at 6pm, I wouldn't assume there would be anything more than cake.  Especially if there was nothing on the invites stating anything about a meal.

This is what I do all the time: I take a cold tote bag full of food that I can eat and like.

[KungFuPanda]

I’d pack a snacketizer and eat just before the wedding. Then, if food is served id just skip the appetizer and be ready for the main corse. If there’s no meal, I wouldn’t get too hungry and I can always sneak back for car snacks if I do. 

[mom2samlibby]

57 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

Twenty years ago this was probably a safe assumption. Times have changed. 
 

Jean, bring some safe food. Something brown bag/picnic-like that won’t spoil in case there is a meal planned and they actually do serve food you can eat. 
 

eta reading thru I see that you have decided to bring food, I think that’s wise. FWIW I thought you were going to ask what to wear and I would have answered that navy blue is always good for a 6pm wedding 😂

I would say the majority still serve food. I am in the wedding industry and follow several messasge boards that discuss weddings. Meals and food are pretty important to many couples. Menus, tastings, and caterers are talked about a lot. The last weddings that I attended had an abundance of food - appetizers, 3 course meal, and cake, along with a desert snack after the dancing started. 

I really wouldn't say that times have changed that much. Maybe there are some areas of the country where they are throwing etiquette out the window. 

[Cordelia]

I also have celiac. I have emergency food with me any time I leave the house. 

[J-rap]

I'd bring a diet-friendly meal either way, since I'd be hungry whether they served food or not --  especially if it's 4 hours from home.

[TechWife]

I’d there is no mention of a reception I would assume one of two things - either there is no reception or I am not invited to the reception. Either way I wouldn’t expect to be served food. 

[Guest]

I’m on team Assume-Nothing. With special dietary considerations I would definitely have my own emergency food for before and/or after. 
 

Actually, if I assumed anything about the lack of information about food with a young bride who has little support, it would be that she doesn’t realize this is a concern for many people and she thinks food is a good place to cut costs. 

[Tina]

We're attending a 6pm wedding in August.  The wedding is planned this late to avoid having to serve dinner.  Instead they are having some hors deuerves and then an ice cream bar.  (bride doesn't like cake.)  So you may want to eat beforehand.

[heartlikealion]

On 7/9/2022 at 12:24 PM, Jean in Newcastle said:

I can try to find out.  The bride's mother (my niece) lives in a different country but I'm not sure if they have flown over here for the wedding yet.  It makes communication a bit harder. 

Shoot an email. 

[heartlikealion]

I'd google places to eat near the wedding as my backup plan LOL (or in your case, if you can pack something celiac friendly in the car without it spoiling, that would be a good idea probably). 

Edited July 12, 2022 by heartlikealion
wedding, not reception

[Annie G]

Friend’s daughter is getting married next month at 6 pm. The wedding website says no dinner will be served, just cake and punch, and at the end of the evening, around 11:00, they’ll have pizza. The website actually suggested folks eat dinner before they arrive.  Since the invite didn’t mention these things, just wedding at 6, and reception to follow, I’m betting a fair number of folks won’t know to eat before.

The website also said they’d be dismissing the guests from the church row by row. I was clueless about that but the bride said they’re going to greet each guest as they leave the church. Sweet, but again, something I wouldn’t have known unless I visited  the website. I rarely bother with the website unless the venue is unfamiliar to me…lesson learned! I’m old enough that I need to visit the site because weddings are changing.
 

 

[heartlikealion]

13 minutes ago, Annie G said:

Friend’s daughter is getting married next month at 6 pm. The wedding website says no dinner will be served, just cake and punch, and at the end of the evening, around 11:00, they’ll have pizza. The website actually suggested folks eat dinner before they arrive.  Since the invite didn’t mention these things, just wedding at 6, and reception to follow, I’m betting a fair number of folks won’t know to eat before.

The website also said they’d be dismissing the guests from the church row by row. I was clueless about that but the bride said they’re going to greet each guest as they leave the church. Sweet, but again, something I wouldn’t have known unless I visited  the website. I rarely bother with the website unless the venue is unfamiliar to me…lesson learned! I’m old enough that I need to visit the site because weddings are changing.

I guess but people also just complicate things sometimes lol

[SHP]

On 7/9/2022 at 3:33 PM, mom2samlibby said:

I would say the majority still serve food. I am in the wedding industry and follow several messasge boards that discuss weddings. Meals and food are pretty important to many couples. Menus, tastings, and caterers are talked about a lot. The last weddings that I attended had an abundance of food - appetizers, 3 course meal, and cake, along with a desert snack after the dancing started. 

I really wouldn't say that times have changed that much. Maybe there are some areas of the country where they are throwing etiquette out the window. 

It sounds like you are in a specific group and would be sought out by those who are like minded and that sample shouldn't be viewed as the standard. Having skimmed those wedding boards they are incredibly toxic. Anyone who posts anything that is not inline with norms 20+ years ago is attacked, all in the name of etiquette. 

Changes were happening before covid, people don't have, or want to spend, the money to meet all the requirements etiquette demands. They do not want to drop thousands of dollars just to adhear to ridged standards that serve no real purpose when the money would be better put towards a down-payment on a house or paying doing student loans.

 

[SHP]

On 7/11/2022 at 10:25 PM, heartlikealion said:

I guess but people also just complicate things sometimes lol

Only sometimes?! Every time people are involved with anything it always seems to get more complicated lol

[Jenny in Florida]

As a person with dietary limitations and food sensitivities, I never leave the house for an event like that without bringing along something I know is safe to eat. I never expect that anyone will be able to feed me, and I am perfectly happy attending social events for the social part and just eating something before or after.

[katilac]

On 7/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Annie G said:

 the bride said they’re going to greet each guest as they leave the church.  

They are vastly underestimating the time that will take. 

[Frances]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

They are vastly underestimating the time that will take. 

Isn’t it common for the couple to greet guests as they leave the church? We did it after our wedding and I don’t remember it taking an inordinate amount of time. But then again, we weren’t serving dinner, just heavy appetizers and cake, so people could just walk over to the reception and start eating and drinking. And we had finished all formal, posed pictures before the wedding. It seemed far easier than trying to make sure we spoke to everyone once they were all mingling at the reception.

[katilac]

33 minutes ago, Frances said:

Isn’t it common for the couple to greet guests as they leave the church? We did it after our wedding and I don’t remember it taking an inordinate amount of time. But then again, we weren’t serving dinner, just heavy appetizers and cake, so people could just walk over to the reception and start eating and drinking. And we had finished all formal, posed pictures before the wedding. It seemed far easier than trying to make sure we spoke to everyone once they were all mingling at the reception.

Not in my world, but maybe it's larger weddings vs smaller? Plus people generally can't walk over to the reception, it's almost always at a completely separate location (again, speaking to the weddings I personally have attended). I actually think I've only ever been to one wedding that had the ceremony and reception in the same place. So if it takes 30 minutes, that's a 30 minute time difference between the first people being ready to leave and the last people, which complicates things when people are heading to a second venue for the reception. 

I've seen receiving lines at the reception, but you can choose to go through it or not. I've never been determined enough to guarantee talking to the bride and groom to wait in line for it, so I looked it up. Most sources seem to say it will take 30-45 minutes for 100 guests, 45-60 minutes for 200 guests. As that strikes me as an extremely long time to be trapped in church when the ceremony is over (because they are dismissing row by row), it's either a much smaller wedding or they're going to annoy the impatient people like me. 

I can see it being lovely if it's either quite a small wedding, and/or if the couple is outside the church but not in a place that makes it awkward for guests to skip it. idk, the wording above sounds like they really don't want people to leave without going through the receiving line. That's something I've not encountered. I just keep thinking that some of the people in those last rows are going to have to go the bathroom, lol. 

[ScoutTN]

9 hours ago, Frances said:

Isn’t it common for the couple to greet guests as they leave the church? We did it after our wedding and I don’t remember it taking an inordinate amount of time. But then again, we weren’t serving dinner, just heavy appetizers and cake, so people could just walk over to the reception and start eating and drinking. And we had finished all formal, posed pictures before the wedding. It seemed far easier than trying to make sure we spoke to everyone once they were all mingling at the reception.

Dh and I punted on a receiving line and it was a great decision. Our guests were able to enjoy the food and music and dancing right away! No wasting 30+ minutes standing in line. We spoke to everyone at the reception. Around 250 people. We did photos before the ceremony. 

Edited July 14, 2022 by ScoutTN

[Annie G]

I believe they want to personally thank guests for coming and take photos with them without the pressure of a line backing up.  It’s a smallish wedding, probably about 100-125 people. 
The brides parents are both pastors and she is a worship leader, so they’re probably not viewing the delay as being ‘stuck’ inside a church. 
I was just surprised because I’ve never heard of being dismissed by rows after a wedding.

Side story: dh’s best childhood friend remarried a few years after he lost his wife. It was our first wedding post-Covid (2021) and we were antsy to get out of there. The couple (in their 60’s!) danced down the aisle to exit and they got within a couple of feet of the door and TURNED around and danced back to the front again and then back out. Every guest stopped thinking it was cute the second we realized they were coming back. Like some people had already started walking down behind them and had to scamper back to their seats.  And then there was no dessert at the reception.  Boo.

[heartlikealion]

Wrong thread 

Edited July 14, 2022 by heartlikealion

[heartlikealion]

Nm wrong thread 

Edited July 14, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Jean in Newcastle]

48 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

@QueenCat I’m not sure which part confused you. If you mean the Teen Titan thing… dd used to watch it a lot. Ds is older now and less likely to watch along. At my house there’s only one tv and sometimes we’ll suffer through what dd picks/use other devices in the same room and block out what’s on the TV. These days it’s insufferable YouTubers. 

She’s confused because this is a thread about a wedding. 

[ScoutTN]

@Jean in Newcastle How was the wedding? Or is it upcoming? 

[QueenCat]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

@QueenCat I’m not sure which part confused you. If you mean the Teen Titan thing… dd used to watch it a lot. Ds is older now and less likely to watch along. At my house there’s only one tv and sometimes we’ll suffer through what dd picks/use other devices in the same room and block out what’s on the TV. These days it’s insufferable YouTubers. 

I didn't get what it had to do with a 6pm wedding 😉

[heartlikealion]

I must have followed an email link back to the wrong thread. My bad! 

[HS Mom in NC]

On 7/11/2022 at 11:11 PM, Annie G said:

Friend’s daughter is getting married next month at 6 pm. The wedding website says no dinner will be served, just cake and punch, and at the end of the evening, around 11:00, they’ll have pizza. The website actually suggested folks eat dinner before they arrive.  Since the invite didn’t mention these things, just wedding at 6, and reception to follow, I’m betting a fair number of folks won’t know to eat before.

The website also said they’d be dismissing the guests from the church row by row. I was clueless about that but the bride said they’re going to greet each guest as they leave the church. Sweet, but again, something I wouldn’t have known unless I visited  the website. I rarely bother with the website unless the venue is unfamiliar to me…lesson learned! I’m old enough that I need to visit the site because weddings are changing.
 

 

It's a HUGE mistake to leave information off the invitation and have it only at the website.  Many people won't bother going to the website if they got an invitation. Invitations should always include every.single.thing. a guest should know about everything related to the wedding: time, location, meal or not, gift registry, venue specific note (like needing to avoid heels due to outdoor terrain, etc.) Guests are not as enamored with weddings (Sorry, brides, most people don't really care that much) enough to sink extra time into checking more than one source for info.  Basically, if they have to reference a second source for anything they needed to know, the person writing the invitation and the bride failed at something. 

Row by row dismissal is very common in my world. The bride should have been strongly discouraged from greeting every guest as people leave.  It's obnoxious to demand guests wait in what will become a line for that-she should plan to move herself from table to table during the reception and greet every guest while they're free to sit, walk, chat, eat, drink, dance, etc.  She make care about interacting with each person, but most people I know hate reception lines and most don't want a personal token interaction with the bride.  Kill.me.now.  I have always been able to sneak around them because they're just bad ideas and it's disrespectful to guests to force it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

25 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

@Jean in Newcastle How was the wedding? Or is it upcoming? 

It's still coming up. 

[shawthorne44]

4 hours ago, ScoutTN said:

Dh and I punted on a receiving line and it was a great decision. Our guests were able to enjoy the food and music and dancing right away! No wasting 30+ minutes standing in line. We spoke to everyone at the reception. Around 250 people. We did photos before the ceremony. 

We did the same thing.   I have a small bladder and I've always skipped out the side door to use the bathroom.  

In our case it was automatic since the ceremony and reception were in the same place.  But, we just stood still until a while had passed when no one wanted to talk to us.  

[QueenCat]

This is another "things are so different in different places" for me. I've never been to or heard of an evening wedding that didn't include some kind of meal (and 11pm pizza would not be considered the meal, as many will have left by then). 

[Resilient]

I've got diet issues and for this sort of thing, where there's a doubt, I always eat before I go to the event. That way, I can probably not hear my stomach growl, and usually, I can find something to pick at if there is a reception...which at a 6 pm wedding, there most assuredly should be.  

[Frances]

4 hours ago, QueenCat said:

This is another "things are so different in different places" for me. I've never been to or heard of an evening wedding that didn't include some kind of meal (and 11pm pizza would not be considered the meal, as many will have left by then). 

Especially one starting at 6 pm, right around the dinner hour for many. It seems like early afternoon weddings are far more common for those who don’t want to serve a meal. Or maybe starting much later than six in the evening, say 8 pm. Although I heard about late evening weddings, I’ve never actually attended one.