Jean in Newcastle Posted July 14, 2022 Author Share Posted July 14, 2022 11 minutes ago, Frances said: Especially one starting at 6 pm, right around the dinner hour for many. It seems like early afternoon weddings are far more common for those who don’t want to serve a meal. Or maybe starting much later than six in the evening, say 8 pm. Although I heard about late evening weddings, I’ve never actually attended one. My great niece grew up in a country where they eat dinner late for Americans (8 pm ish). . But her husband is born and raised here. So I don’t know what cultural norms are being followed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 Just now, Jean in Newcastle said: My great niece grew up in a country where they eat dinner late for Americans (8 pm ish). . But her husband is born and raised here. So I don’t know what cultural norms are being followed. Yes, and also, dinner is usually assumed when it's an evening wedding. If the wedding is at 6:00 and the reception is nearby, the cocktail hour could start by 7:30, with dinner between 8:30 and 9:00pm. It's almost 7:00pm where I am right now, and I haven't even started making dinner yet. 😉 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 On 7/13/2022 at 1:42 AM, SHP said: It sounds like you are in a specific group and would be sought out by those who are like minded and that sample shouldn't be viewed as the standard. Having skimmed those wedding boards they are incredibly toxic. Anyone who posts anything that is not inline with norms 20+ years ago is attacked, all in the name of etiquette. Changes were happening before covid, people don't have, or want to spend, the money to meet all the requirements etiquette demands. They do not want to drop thousands of dollars just to adhear to ridged standards that serve no real purpose when the money would be better put towards a down-payment on a house or paying doing student loans. Maybe that's the way things are among the people you know, but where I live, most people still do the big, formal, expensive weddings, whether or not they can really afford them. And they aren't doing it because they feel they need to "adhere to rigid standards;" they are doing it because it's what they really want (and often it's mainly because it's because the bride wants her dream wedding.) I'm not disagreeing with you that the money could probably be better used for other things; I'm just saying that fancy weddings are definitely the norm here. 5 hours ago, QueenCat said: This is another "things are so different in different places" for me. I've never been to or heard of an evening wedding that didn't include some kind of meal (and 11pm pizza would not be considered the meal, as many will have left by then). Same here! Pizza at 11pm would not count as a meal in my world -- and it would seem weird to cut the cake at 8:00 and then not serve any food until 11:00. People expect their meal before the cake, not the other way around! I mean, people can do whatever they want to do at their own wedding, but ordering out for pizza at 11pm probably isn't going to go over very well with Grandma and Aunt Rose, and I do think it's important for the bride and groom to think of the comfort of all of their guests, and not just what they think would be fun for themselves and their friends. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 25 minutes ago, Catwoman said: Maybe that's the way things are among the people you know, but where I live, most people still do the big, formal, expensive weddings, whether or not they can really afford them. And they aren't doing it because they feel they need to "adhere to rigid standards;" they are doing it because it's what they really want (and often it's mainly because it's because the bride wants her dream wedding.) I'm not disagreeing with you that the money could probably be better used for other things; I'm just saying that fancy weddings are definitely the norm here. Same here! Pizza at 11pm would not count as a meal in my world -- and it would seem weird to cut the cake at 8:00 and then not serve any food until 11:00. People expect their meal before the cake, not the other way around! I mean, people can do whatever they want to do at their own wedding, but ordering out for pizza at 11pm probably isn't going to go over very well with Grandma and Aunt Rose, and I do think it's important for the bride and groom to think of the comfort of all of their guests, and not just what they think would be fun for themselves and their friends. We’ve been to weddings where there’s dinner then dessert then a late night snack like pizza. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 One of my favorite weddings was my best friends second wedding. The grooms young adult daughter couldn’t get there until 8:30 p.m. It was a very small wedding. I was matron of honor…pregnant with my son —- about 2 months along. We dressed up in beautiful formal dresses and had a nice private dinner at the venue….an inn on a mountain in the middle of the Ouachita National Forest in AR. We drank champagne and laughed….and then about 8 we changed in to wedding attire and we were ready to go when the daughter arrived and they had a beautiful ceremony. Afterwards we danced and sang and chatted. It was lovely even if it was backwards. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Frances said: Especially one starting at 6 pm, right around the dinner hour for many. It seems like early afternoon weddings are far more common for those who don’t want to serve a meal. Or maybe starting much later than six in the evening, say 8 pm. Although I heard about late evening weddings, I’ve never actually attended one. Most evening weddings that I've been to have started between 5 & 7. Most with meals, some with on-going heavy appetizers. I've only been to one that started at 8pm. It was at the same location as the reception. Heavy appetizers and dessert. You can't have people drinking wine/beer/whatever on empty stomachs. Edited July 14, 2022 by QueenCat 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 2 hours ago, Catwoman said: Yes, and also, dinner is usually assumed when it's an evening wedding. If the wedding is at 6:00 and the reception is nearby, the cocktail hour could start by 7:30, with dinner between 8:30 and 9:00pm. It's almost 7:00pm where I am right now, and I haven't even started making dinner yet. 😉 It’s so interesting to see the geographic variation. Growing up in the Midwest, I attended tons of weddings. All served meals, usually a buffet. But I don’t think I’ve ever attended a wedding anywhere I lived where there was a cocktail hour. At least where I grew up, you certainly didn’t want to give people even more time to drink. Having drinks with the meal and at the dance was plenty. I have lots of memories of lots of very drunk people at many of the weddings I attended. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 49 minutes ago, Frances said: It’s so interesting to see the geographic variation. Growing up in the Midwest, I attended tons of weddings. All served meals, usually a buffet. But I don’t think I’ve ever attended a wedding anywhere I lived where there was a cocktail hour. At least where I grew up, you certainly didn’t want to give people even more time to drink. Having drinks with the meal and at the dance was plenty. I have lots of memories of lots of very drunk people at many of the weddings I attended. Housewives of NYC live very differently than most of us. 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 13 hours ago, Frances said: It’s so interesting to see the geographic variation. Growing up in the Midwest, I attended tons of weddings. All served meals, usually a buffet. But I don’t think I’ve ever attended a wedding anywhere I lived where there was a cocktail hour. At least where I grew up, you certainly didn’t want to give people even more time to drink. Having drinks with the meal and at the dance was plenty. I have lots of memories of lots of very drunk people at many of the weddings I attended. I've only been to one wedding in the Midwest. It had the longest cocktail hour between the wedding & meal that I've ever experienced. It was about two hours, with light refreshments and drinks (beer, wine, mixed drinks). In the South, there were a few with cocktail hours. Most of the ones in the Mid-Atlantic had cocktail hours. I will say that I see them more often with evening weddings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 (edited) Oh our wedding in the midwest had a cocktail hour with a few appetizers. It actually gave us some time to take a few more photos after the ceremony. I don't know, I've been to a huge range of weddings in all sorts of formats locally. When I was a child, I went to a bunch of weddings in rural Wisconsin (both my parents were raised in WI) and those were all fairly similar. But since I have been an adult, I've seen a huge range. From big 400+ all day affairs, to potlucks in a park, to 50 in a conseratory with just desserts, etc etc etc. I was thinking a lot of people, especially more rural people, here would be confused by a 6 pm wedding start. In particular, in the winter when it gets dark at 4:30 and everyone huddles in early lol.. I do think it is weird to send out an invite that doesn't say like "Dinner, desser, dance immediately following", "please stay for hor'doeurves and cake following the ceremony", etc etc etc. Tell people what to expect! Edited July 15, 2022 by catz 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 On 7/9/2022 at 12:17 PM, Jean in Newcastle said: I'm going to my great-niece's wedding. It's at 6 pm. It's outside. It's semi-formal. That's all I know. Am I correct to assume that despite absolutely no mention of a reception anywhere on the invitation or the website, that there will be food? I have celiac so might not be able to eat much even if there is, so what do you suggest I do for a semi-formal event? (Which is also four hours away from home.) If the invitation does not also include the reception, then you are correct: no food. Eat before you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 17, 2022 Author Share Posted July 17, 2022 The wedding was lovely and sweet. The reception followed on the lawn (the whole thing was outside on a perfect day. ). There was a fully catered meal. I could eat all of it except for the dinner rolls and cheesecake. I left around 9:30 and the party was still going strong. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 3 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said: The wedding was lovely and sweet. The reception followed on the lawn (the whole thing was outside on a perfect day. ). There was a fully catered meal. I could eat all of it except for the dinner rolls and cheesecake. I left around 9:30 and the party was still going strong. Yay! I’m glad it was such a great day!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 3 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said: The wedding was lovely and sweet. The reception followed on the lawn (the whole thing was outside on a perfect day. ). There was a fully catered meal. I could eat all of it except for the dinner rolls and cheesecake. I left around 9:30 and the party was still going strong. That is wonderful. Just goes to show you can’t go by the strict rules of yesteryear’s etiquette. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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