The Unequipped Young Adult - Homeschool Version GOOD UPDATE pg. 3

[BlsdMama]

Let's discuss for a "friend," shall we?

A kiddo who has always struggled academically and despises schoolwork is doing well in trade classes.  Mom took kiddo to CC and had math and reading tests done.  He does not need any remediation classes to jump in to the program he wants.  This shocked Mom.  Previous kids have been much more advanced and she feels this young person is not adequately equipped.  Young person resents the continual remediation and classes because he doesn't see the point if he can do what he wants to do.  It is deeply affecting their relationship - to the point that Mom feels it may be permanently affected.

Kiddo IS making forward progress.  Close friend weighed in and said, "Let go & let the CC handle the rest.  Tests show education has been adequate.  Mom needs to let go of personal standard and expectation."  Kiddo is 17.  

Considerations? Solutions not yet considered?

Edited March 5, 2022 by BlsdMama

[Catwoman]

If he can do what he wants to do and doesn't need any remediation classes, where is the problem here?

What "personal standards and expectations" do you have of him that he's not meeting, and why are these standards and expectations so important to you?

It sounds like he's doing just fine, and I have to say that without more information, I agree with your close friend.

[Rosie_0801]

Not adequately equipped for what? 

I agree with Close Friend. 

[bolt.]

A few questions...

Is there a problem (in Mom's eyes) with the program the student wants?

If she is okay with the program, where is her motivation for him to exceed the entrance requirement coming from? What part of 'requirements met' feels insecure to her?

How is 'remediation' being defined here? If it's college and they say it's remediation, it is... But if it's Mom's program, isn't it just 'learning this or that' in whatever grade he is in? I can see why it would hurt him to have it feel like remediation when it's really just normal educational progress.

[Lisa]

Don't hold him back. Let him fly!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree with the close friend. 

[Katy]

Let him go ahead with the program.

 

ETA: and don’t assume that just because he’s interested in a trade now that he’ll never be interested in academics. I know several people IRL who after having established careers developed an interest in something like history later in life. 

Edited February 24, 2022 by Katy

[Bootsie]

What does mom think this child is not adequately equipped for?  This particular program?  Another program that mom would rather see the child do?  

[Arcadia]

My brother who is slow but does not dislike school work nearly failed 10th grade English national exams (not US) and his math was maybe B- level. He went on to do mechatronics engineering at the equivalence of a community college and graduated with a diploma in mechatronics engineering. If there was a trade school or program for car mechanics where he is, he would probably have opt for that and my parents would agree. His grades for the national exam means that he can’t get into mechanical engineering, which have a higher cutoff. 
When DS16 started dual enrollment, he had nothing but a SAT score for math and English placement. That was good enough for them to take our requested placement at face value.

DS17 was worried over dual enrollment Eng1A. He coped just fine and did better for Eng1B. 
Let the community college handle it. If the child need more help in English or Math, there is student help center or tutoring center to help the child out. I thought my DS17 might need the English writing center help but he completed the general education English classes without issues. DS16 just started on Eng1A last month and he ask his brother if he isn’t sure. 

[BlsdMama]

17 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

If he can do what he wants to do and doesn't need any remediation classes, where is the problem here?

What "personal standards and expectations" do you have of him that he's not meeting, and why are these standards and expectations so important to you?

It sounds like he's doing just fine, and I have to say that without more information, I agree with your close friend.

Because very basic things are not met - shockingly basic, like a basic understanding of geography, minimal spelling strong enough for autocorrect to hope to recognize the word...  These things have been taught, btw, just never retained.  

[Innisfree]

You could be talking about a kid I know.

Some things are never going to be retained; some things will be learned on a different schedule.

Here, the decision is that the relationship is more important than any of that. Supporting the young adult in front of you eventually takes the place of teaching the kid in front of you.

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, BlsdMama said:

Because very basic things are not met - shockingly basic, like a basic understanding of geography, minimal spelling strong enough for autocorrect to hope to recognize the word...  These things have been taught, btw, just never retained.  

If he is 17 and his spelling is not accurate enough for autocorrect to fix, it's not happening.  It's especially not happening if he is not invested in improving it himself, but likely even if he is, it's just unlikely to happen.  I'm there too with a 16 year old, who also knows no geography.  It just is not going to happen.  She has learning disabilities.  She cannot learn everything.  And it will be fine.  There's google.  There are maps.  Iphones have word prediction software.  There's speech to text.  

He passed the tests to start the community college program that he wants to do.  Save your relationship; drop the expectation that academics will improve because you're beating your head against a wall, and let him do the program he wants to do at the community college.  

[Arcadia]

2 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Because very basic things are not met - shockingly basic, like a basic understanding of geography, minimal spelling strong enough for autocorrect to hope to recognize the word...  These things have been taught, btw, just never retained.  

I’ll let the geography part go. However, the spelling part would make me consider an evaluation for learning disabilities. If my child scores well enough for the reading test but can’t spell, I would be worried. 

[catz]

I mean if he has some sort of LD, that boat has sailed without his buy in.  I'd let him do his program.  High school graduation isn't the end of learning.  The biggest thing I wanted to do for my kids is create a culture of curiosity and life long learning.  If HE wants to improve at something, he will.  As a parent, I would continue to be a resource.  Like I might do something to have a family night watching documentaries to discuss or listen to audio books around the house, etc if that works for them but I wouldn't tie down a 17 year old who could get into the program they want to get into.  

[TravelingChris]

10 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Because very basic things are not met - shockingly basic, like a basic understanding of geography, minimal spelling strong enough for autocorrect to hope to recognize the word...  These things have been taught, btw, just never retained.  

Spelling, specifically, cannot be taught to a lot of people.  My first  was like me and had no issues with spelling.  Then came numbers 2 and three.  Not sure why number 2 had such a problem but number three was and is dyslexic.  Oh  and number 2 is a test writer, among her other tasks, and has been doing that very successfully for five years.

[Bambam]

I'd tend to agree with Close Friend.
It sounds like his education foundation is appropriate for whatever he is studying/wanting to do.

The other? Spelling, geography - if/when he is interested, he can work on it. Education continues throughout your life. 

[Catwoman]

26 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Because very basic things are not met - shockingly basic, like a basic understanding of geography, minimal spelling strong enough for autocorrect to hope to recognize the word...  These things have been taught, btw, just never retained.  

I have to be honest... if you have already tried to teach him these things, now is the time to let it go.

If he needs to learn to spell better or to learn more about things like geography in the future, you may be surprised at how quickly he manages to master those things once they actually mean something to him on a personal level -- like if they are necessary for him to succeed in the program he wants to pursue.

Otherwise, I think you're going to do nothing more than mess with his self-confidence if you insist that he meet your own standards.

 

[Catwoman]

Also, what is your solution to the problems? Would you stop your son from entering the program to which he has already been accepted?

You said you are concerned that this may have long term effects on your relationship with your son. Prioritize that relationship! If things don't work out and he doesn't do well in the program, he will need his mom's support more than ever.

[marbel]

Also agree with close friend.

I have one with severe spelling deficiencies. It has now gotten to the point that spell check is useful, but it took a long time. Accommodations were sought and granted in college for extemporaneous writing --> spelling was not considered as part of a composition grade due to the LD. But this had required an eval and documentation of LD. 

Geography? I'm missing how this is really critical. Do you mean the ability to navigate from point A to point B? I have one with that issue. So far GPS has assisted just fine. But this kid does not travel far or to isolated places alone, so getting badly lost is not a big concern at this point.  

[HomeAgain]

I'm going to say it is time for the adult to back off and accept the child for the adult they are becoming.

I fretted over oldest ds when he attended high school.  He had always struggled with writing his thoughts coherently and spelling, especially.  In our family this was kind of a Big Deal.  But............it wasn't his downfall.  He learned to use spell check to his advantage.  He relied on others to give his work a quick glance if he was unsure.  He pulled straight A's in high school and college English.  I worried.  I still worry.  It doesn't hold him back.  He is starting to catch on more listening to his brother's spelling lessons but spelling will always be a struggle.  It's okay.  My standards for his education were not the college's standards, and it's fine.

[TravelingChris]

4 minutes ago, marbel said:

 

Geography? I'm missing how this is really critical. Do you mean the ability to navigate from point A to point B? I have one with that issue. So far GPS has assisted just fine. But this kid does not travel far or to isolated places alone, so getting badly lost is not a big concern at this point.  

Yes, my dyslexic has this issue but somehow nowhere as bad as her husband  and she has been improving too.

[HS Mom in NC]

42 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Because very basic things are not met - shockingly basic, like a basic understanding of geography, minimal spelling strong enough for autocorrect to hope to recognize the word...  These things have been taught, btw, just never retained.  

Sooooo.....just like 70% of people posting on FB, including college graduates?

Edited February 24, 2022 by HS Mom in NC

[TravelingChris]

My dh has never been a good speller either though he has greatly improved over the many years.  He married me, who used to be a great speller prior to my concussion, and spell check came along too.

[Lori D.]

Agreeing with previous posters about listening to close friend.

Also because of "... It is deeply affecting their relationship - to the point that Mom feels it may be permanently affected..." I would also strongly recommend that as the mom releases DS, that she starts the steps of working to rebuild relationship:

1. Start with an apology:
"I need to apologize to you. I made a mistake in some of the direction of our homeschooling that was not supportive of you. Because your older siblings were similar in their interests and academics, I just assumed this was the case for you. I see now I was wrong, and I was missing YOUR individual strengths and goals, and have been trying to push you through things that were great for your siblings, but not for you."

2. Acknowledge and support the student's choice of vocation:
"I am so excited that you have found this program you are really interested in, even before graduating. I am so proud of you that your passed all of the tests with no need for extra classes so you can start right away with your program. I want you to know that dad and I fully support you, and if you need anything, just let us know."

3. And be incredibly supportive throughout the program -- constantly, vocally, and in physical helps ways -- about the exciting new stage of his life:
"What a cool vocational program you've chosen!"
"Wow, so great you're enjoying it and doing well!"
"Awesome job of hard work you putting into this!"
"Yea, you are 17, almost 18 -- so proud of the incredible adult you are becoming!"
"Is there a set of tools or equipment that we could gift you with as an advance graduation gift that will help you with your program?"

Homeschooling requirements that may or may not be met are temporary -- relationship is for the rest of their lives.

[marbel]

16 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

Yes, my dyslexic has this issue but somehow nowhere as bad as her husband  and she has been improving too.

But I mean, is that what the OP is talking about? I just don't think of that as geography as it is studied in school.  

[porque?]

Sounds like my kiddo.  I was pretty sure would need remedial classes in CC but did great. I think he equipped himself with what he needed as he needed it.

[TheReader]

Relationship, relationship, relationship. 

Also, mental health of the kid/young adult in question. 

But mostly, relationship. 

If it were me, I might be struggling to let go of "have I taught him enough" and "have I equipped him well enough for life" and "did I do all the things" BUT at this point, if the college is saying "he knows enough to do this thing he wants to do" then I would work very very hard to hold that in my mind and realize that yes, I *have* taught him enough for him to be well equipped for the kind of life/doing what he wants in life that he wants. And that he can keep learning the other stuff. 

It would maybe be hard to think of someone else maybe teaching him those things, but....relationship. Other people can come and teach him things. No one else will ever be his MOM and I would want to focus 1000% on that.  Not on "mothering" him, but just on that close relationship/bond, and making sure he knows that my love for him is deeper and stronger than any spelling or geography ability, that I don't think less of him because he can't spell, that I treasure him -- have done since before his breath, and will do so until mine, no matter what. Making sure he feels and knows that to the core of his being, so that he's never left wondering. 

 

[Harriet Vane]

I agree with the others and most especially with @Lori D..

FWIW my awesome dh, a guy with lots of fancy letters after his name, has real struggles with spelling and his handwriting is often unreadable. But he's genuinely brilliant and a really nice guy as well. Gaps happen.

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Gosh, I have sort of been here before. I never felt like oldest ds was doing well enough - partly because he wasn't trying and partly because I was comparing him to what my norm was (three highly gifted kids). I would try to get him to do better, retake math, etc. In the end he decided on a specific program at the cc, took the ACT just for cc and didn't study, prep, or care because he only needed like an 18 or something. He scored a 31. Killed me haha. I actually felt like he needed remedial but when he needed to perform for what he wanted, he wasn't remedial at all. 

He wanted to go to the cc and eventually become a master mechanic. He was scared to get stuck at a desk, he wanted to work with his hands. I had to let go, let him be. He landed a great apprenticeship only one year into the program and then finished his two year degree and was hired by the same company. He is working toward certifications to become a master mechanic. He is ordering books and studying. He loves it, he is doing well. 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Ann.without.an.e

[BlsdMama]

50 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

I’ll let the geography part go. However, the spelling part would make me consider an evaluation for learning disabilities. If my child scores well enough for the reading test but can’t spell, I would be worried. 

Already evaluated - severe to profound dyslexia and extraordinarily low working memory with an IQ within normal range. Took years of work and remediation to get to basic reading. Kiddo now reads very smoothly. Mom ( the, um, “friend,” cough) is utterly satisfied with program and thinks this kid is an extraordinarily hard worker plus people just like the kid because he’d do anything for anybody. 
 

The real problem lies here: In the past 1.5 years, kiddo’s brain seems to have matured? His math has moved 3-4 grade levels. His reading has become smooth and fluent. Mom has viewed homeschooling as her responsibility to equip young adults for the future. Hard worker? ✅ Willing attitude? ✅ Decent human? ✅ Basic knowledge set expected of a graduating high school student? Um no. 
 

On the one hand, graduating him keeps him invested in a program he’s lit up about. He’s done part of the two year program. He could finish next year. He works hard with friends who do remodeling 1-3 morning a week usually then just a normal after school job at the grocery store. Does great at both. 
 

On the other? He has gained so much ground in the past year and a half that another year could be huge for him. On the other hand? It’s very risky for the relationship. He does the work assigned, hates every minute of it, they clash over procrastination. If it wasn’t for the schoolwork, their relationship would be remarkably different. 😞 

[Arcadia]

10 minutes ago, marbel said:

But I mean, is that what the OP is talking about? I just don't think of that as geography as it is studied in school.  

I was thinking OP meant physical and human geography. My husband can get lost even with GPS. He memorized and regurgitated for his public school exams. 
For spelling, my kids actually improved on their spelling by reading. They were taught phonics in public school kindergarten and 1st grade but what really helped was reading. Both my kids just do better with immersion learning for languages.

[BlsdMama]

14 minutes ago, marbel said:

But I mean, is that what the OP is talking about? I just don't think of that as geography as it is studied in school.  

Do you think Canada is a continent? Do you know, generally speaking what area in the country states are? Could you generally say X Country is in X continent? Just very very basic things. All has been covered. None has soaked in … none. 

[Harriet Vane]

2 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Already evaluated - severe to profound dyslexia and extraordinarily low working memory with an IQ within normal range. Took years of work and remediation to get to basic reading. Kiddo now reads very smoothly. Mom ( the, um, “friend,” cough) is utterly satisfied with program and thinks this kid is an extraordinarily hard worker plus people just like the kid because he’d do anything for anybody. 
 

The real problem lies here: In the past 1.5 years, kiddo’s brain seems to have matured? His math has moved 3-4 grade levels. His reading has become smooth and fluent. Mom has viewed homeschooling as her responsibility to equip young adults for the future. Hard worker? ✅ Willing attitude? ✅ Decent human? ✅ Basic knowledge set expected of a graduating high school student? Um no. 
 

On the one hand, graduating him keeps him invested in a program he’s lit up about. He’s done part of the two year program. He could finish next year. He works hard with friends who do remodeling 1-3 morning a week usually then just a normal after school job at the grocery store. Does great at both. 
 

On the other? He has gained so much ground in the past year and a half that another year could be huge for him. On the other hand? It’s very risky for the relationship. He does the work assigned, hates every minute of it, they clash over procrastination. If it wasn’t for the schoolwork, their relationship would be remarkably different. 😞 

Go with relationship. Let his involvement with the program he likes keep the fire going.

[Rosie_0801]

1 minute ago, BlsdMama said:

Do you think Canada is a continent? Do you know, generally speaking what area in the country states are? Could you generally say X Country is in X continent? Just very very basic things. All has been covered. None has soaked in … none. 

That goes with the dyscalculia part of the dyslexic brain structure.
Maybe it'll click one day, maybe it won't. Brains are weird and LD's are not character flaws of anyone or their mother.

[Jean in Newcastle]

He has the skills he needs to do a program designed to allow him to earn a living.  At this point that is more important than a "high school graduation checklist" especially in light of his documented LDs. 

[Innisfree]

A developmental point comes when kids need to set their own goals. He may keep on gaining lots of ground, but it needs to be on his terms now. He's not finished learning, but he is done having his education directed by mom. Best not to stand in the way of that.

[Carrie12345]

I let it go when mine was (well, 2 really, but mostly the 1) 16. Kid was a near-disaster in English and Math as far as I was concerned.  CC placement testing said otherwise.  Kid went on to get good grades in on-campus DE general ed courses, then chose to pursue non-degree training. 
Kid also has access to resources to learn anything they could ever possibly want to learn more about.

That’s a success story, in my book!

[freesia]

From the outside looking in, and as one from a family full of dyslexic folks, let go. It sounds like he is ready for where he wants to go next. My cousin is profoundly dyslexic and can’t spell at all even after extra tutoring from first grade on. She was a cruise director and a massage therapist and then in her mid twenties decided she wanted to be a physical therapist and went back to school—University of Viroginia, no less—and is doing great as a physical therapist. 
 

I think you’ve done your best with geography. Even though he’s made great gains in other subjects, I think you should let that go. He will figure it out or not, but it will be ok. At 17, and equipped enough to do what he wants, I would prioritize your relationship. Honestly, if you don’t, he’d likely not learn the geography bc he was so hurt/frustrated. 

[Arcadia]

3 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

 On the other? He has gained so much ground in the past year and a half that another year could be huge for him. On the other hand? It’s very risky for the relationship. He does the work assigned, hates every minute of it, they clash over procrastination. If it wasn’t for the schoolwork, their relationship would be remarkably different. 😞 

My DS17 wanted me to be the mom, and not the teacher/gatekeeper. He is graduating high school this June. Could you not graduate him and not assign work to him? My paternal family has lots of late bloomers and they all grow into their chosen profession. 

Since your child’s weak area is working memory, I would let go of the idea of basic knowledge set expected of a graduating high school student. My DS16 compensate for his low processing speed with his normal working memory. He is going to finish high school next June with some deficits. 

[BlsdMama]

57 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

Agreeing with previous posters about listening to close friend.

Also because of "... It is deeply affecting their relationship - to the point that Mom feels it may be permanently affected..." I would also strongly recommend that as the mom releases DS, that she starts the steps of working to rebuild relationship:

1. Start with an apology:
"I need to apologize to you. I made a mistake in some of the direction of our homeschooling that was not supportive of you. Because your older siblings were similar in their interests and academics, I just assumed this was the case for you. I see now I was wrong, and I was missing YOUR individual strengths and goals, and have been trying to push you through things that were great for your siblings, but not for you."

2. Acknowledge and support the student's choice of vocation:
"I am so excited that you have found this program you are really interested in, even before graduating. I am so proud of you that your passed all of the tests with no need for extra classes so you can start right away with your program. I want you to know that dad and I fully support you, and if you need anything, just let us know."

3. And be incredibly supportive throughout the program -- constantly, vocally, and in physical helps ways -- about the exciting new stage of his life:
"What a cool vocational program you've chosen!"
"Wow, so great you're enjoying it and doing well!"
"Awesome job of hard work you putting into this!"
"Yea, you are 17, almost 18 -- so proud of the incredible adult you are becoming!"
"Is there a set of tools or equipment that we could gift you with as an advance graduation gift that will help you with your program?"

Homeschooling requirements that may or may not be met are temporary -- relationship is for the rest of their lives.

Part of me feels relief over this, part of me wants to explain. 
 

At no time, ever, were the expectations the same for older kids or were there comparative expectations. Let’s drop the friends thing, lol, *I* knew early on what we were working against and we constantly tailored everything  to ability…. 

So much so, that if I’m transparent,  my fear has now become - what if I failed him because I did not expect enough of him? I’ll give you a for instance. For instance, I didn’t have him do a grammar program forever because Barton says to take it easy until Level 4 and we reported Level 3 and Level 4. This year I folded him into Fix It with the girls (who he gets along well with and they don’t view it as competitive.) He can label parts of speech, openers, punctuation, etc. It finally all clicked and while I C was happily surprised, it left me bewildered. Has I hindered him by lowering expectations?  Last year he told me, “I don’t want you to teach me math.” Enter Nicole the Math Lady and TT to teach concepts. He moved through two Saxon math books last year.

So now it’s time to decide to graduate him and I asked our homeschool program to let him walk in May and I’ll issue his transcript. But so much of what I’m signing off on is not high school level. So part of me says, “One more year and you wouldn’t have failed him as a preparer,” the other part says, “You’ll make headway, not as much as you’d like to think you might, and you’ll deeply resent one another for the torture.”

Edited February 24, 2022 by BlsdMama

[TheReader]

8 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Already evaluated - severe to profound dyslexia and extraordinarily low working memory with an IQ within normal range. Took years of work and remediation to get to basic reading. Kiddo now reads very smoothly. Mom ( the, um, “friend,” cough) is utterly satisfied with program and thinks this kid is an extraordinarily hard worker plus people just like the kid because he’d do anything for anybody. 
 

The real problem lies here: In the past 1.5 years, kiddo’s brain seems to have matured? His math has moved 3-4 grade levels. His reading has become smooth and fluent. Mom has viewed homeschooling as her responsibility to equip young adults for the future. Hard worker? ✅ Willing attitude? ✅ Decent human? ✅ Basic knowledge set expected of a graduating high school student? Um no. 
 

On the one hand, graduating him keeps him invested in a program he’s lit up about. He’s done part of the two year program. He could finish next year. He works hard with friends who do remodeling 1-3 morning a week usually then just a normal after school job at the grocery store. Does great at both. 
 

On the other? He has gained so much ground in the past year and a half that another year could be huge for him. On the other hand? It’s very risky for the relationship. He does the work assigned, hates every minute of it, they clash over procrastination. If it wasn’t for the schoolwork, their relationship would be remarkably different. 😞 

so, on the one hand, maybe people later on will say "how on earth did your mom graduate you w/o you knowing these basic things? Gosh, that's what's wrong with homeschooling!"  But, because you did so and preserved the relationship with your son, he will step up and say, "You know what, she did that because of the LDs I have and knowing that success in life/as a human being is not dependent on whether I can remember geography facts, even basic ones, or whether I can spell without asking people. She saw and knew that *I* was more important than any report card, and I'm so glad she did!" 

OR

sometime in the future, when he's struggling to launch because pushing him to complete these tasks caused him to lose the passion for the thing he's good at and accepted into already on the knowledge he has, someone will say "I know you are upset, but at least your mom made sure you never embarrass yourself on a quiz show by saying that Canada is its own continent! Good grief, aren't you glad for that?!" and he'll say "Dude, I will never be on a quiz show, who cares? Why couldn't mom have let me do the program I wanted, instead of wasting all that time on spelling and pointless geography? That's so lame. I'm still mad at her for that! Things could have been so much better, and I could already be done if she would have just let me! I don't know why she was so stuck on all that dumb stuff!" 

 

Now, those are both the extreme side of things, and it's likely reality will play out somewhere in the middle, but *for me* exercises like that are helpful in figuring out which way I want to go with something.  What will I regret more? That's what I ask myself when facing things like this. Will I regret supporting him in the program he wants, preserving/improving the relationship while I can, and enjoying the better relationship while I have the time/ability to do so?? Even if he can't remember what continent Egypt is on, or that Canada is not a continent? 

Or will I regret the days/weeks/months wasted on fights, just to make sure my kid knows Canada is a country, not a continent, and can spell enough w/o asking that auto-correct can be a help?  Will the broken/hindered relationship be worth it? 

 

[Tanaqui]

This child is seventeen. In a year - less than a year, really - he'll be old enough to live independently, whether or not he is capable of doing so.

What you don't want to do is upset him enough now that he will not listen to ANYthing you say after that magical date.

The geography thing? Many Americans have a laughable grasp of geography. Happily, it virtually never comes up. Nobody in his life will ever know he thinks Canada is a continent unless he tells them, and he won't, because it will never come up. The rest of the stuff is actually within the normal range for Americans. If he ever really needs to know where Chicago is or what part of the world Russia is, he can google it.

If he can't spell well enough for spellcheck to catch it, at seventeen - well, yeah, that's a problem... but it's a problem that can be alleviated with text-to-type options. At any rate, so long as he's not looking for a job where he actually has to be able to spell more than his own name, he should be able to survive out there. And if he finds out later that he really wants or needs to be able to spell better - well, he knows where to go for more help.

[Melissa Louise]

8 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

He has the skills he needs to do a program designed to allow him to earn a living.  At this point that is more important than a "high school graduation checklist" especially in light of his documented LDs. 

This.

 

[Rosie_0801]

If it helps any, my daughter has no current intention of finishing high school and neither her guardian nor her mother can see any real benefit to doing so. She's going into a trade too. The quicker she can get a job, the quicker she will be getting paid to learn instead of paying to learn. 

[73349]

I would be signing the diploma, if I were your friend.

And in a few years, even if my DS's writing is still not what I consider proficient, if he is nonetheless accepted into the situation of his choosing, I will be taking a deep breath and signing his.

[BlsdMama]

2 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

My DS17 wanted me to be the mom, and not the teacher/gatekeeper. He is graduating high school this June. Could you not graduate him and not assign work to him? My paternal family has lots of late bloomers and they all grow into their chosen profession. 

 

I could but I’m not sure of the potential benefit. The point of graduating is to let him finish the welding program. Dual enrollment in this particular program requires high school students attend 9-11:30 or 12:30-3:00. If he graduates, he gets to pick his classes, allowing him to work more with contractor friends remodeling. He loves both - remodeling and welding. The guys he works with are a family we respect and like so much. They really teach and he loves the physical exertion. He’s so much happier in the evening when he’s spent the morning with them. His perfect day would be work for them, grab supper, go to welding class, fall asleep exhausted, wake up and repeat. His most awful day?  Barton, English, write a paper…..

 

I despise being the reason for his worst days. I just don’t know how I sign a transcript in good conscience?

[Harriet Vane]

16 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

A developmental point comes when kids need to set their own goals. He may keep on gaining lots of ground, but it needs to be on his terms now. He's not finished learning, but he is done having his education directed by mom. Best not to stand in the way of that.

Well said.

[Terabith]

Okay, this is blunt, and I don't want to hurt you.  I totally understand being uncomfortable signing off as graduated when you don't feel like he's completed high school level work.  

But.  

How many years do you have left together?  How do you want him to remember you?  

As the person who held him back from a program he was passionate about and kept him from pursuing his dreams, because of spelling and geography, or as the person who loved him and let him go?  

 

[Catwoman]

10 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Part of me feels relief over this, part of me wants to explain. 
 

At no time, ever, were the expectations the same for older sons or was there comparative expectations. Let’s do the friends thing, lol, *I* knew early on what we were working against and we constantly tailored everything  to ability….

So much so that my fear eventually became that I was not expecting enough of him. I’ll give you a for instance. For instance I didn’t have him do a grammar program forever because Barton says to take it easy until Level 4. This year I folded him into Fix It with the girls (who he gets along well with and they don’t view it as competitive.) He can label parts of speech, openers, punctuation, etc. It finally all clicked. Last year he told me, “I don’t want you to teach me math.” Enter Nicole the Math Lady and TT to teach concepts. He moved through two Saxon math books. 
 

So now it’s time to decide to graduate him and I asked our homeschool program to let him walk in May and I’ll issue his transcript. But so much of what I’m signing off on is not high school level. So part of me says, “One more year and you wouldn’t have failed him as a preparer,” the other part says, “You’ll make headway, not as much as you’d like to think you might, and you’ll deeply resent one another for the torture.”

I feel like you are making this more about you and your own expectations, than you are about what your son really needs. 

It would seem mean to not let him graduate just because he isn't up to your standards. He has been accepted into a program he likes. He's doing great! Why would you ruin that for him? 

He has his whole life to keep learning. Please let this go. 

[Rosie_0801]

5 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I despise being the reason for his worst days. I just don’t know how I sign a transcript in good conscience?

Isn't this what GED's are for? (I'm not American so I don't understand this entirely.) Though that shouldn't be necessary if his college doesn't require remedial classes from him? That means he is graduate-able with a clear conscience, doesn't it? 
Or can't you write him a vocational transcript? If my kid stays in school for the duration, it's a vocational school leaving certificate she'll get.