Does your DH/DW rewrite history?

[sassenach]

JAWM.

 

I swear, sometimes I feel like my dh has lived an imaginary life. Let me start by saying that he has a legendarily bad memory, which he openly acknowledges, yet at the same time trusts. A few times lately he has told a story and it has been completely inaccurate. About 2 years ago he was telling the story of how we named our youngest and it was so completely off base, my kids actually glanced across the room at me with eyebrows raised. He went to tell it the same way a few months later and we actually got into a fight (in front of our friends- embarrassing) because I got so upset about it. He hasn't told the story since.

 

The other night we had a big group over and we were talking about kids and sleeping (the other thread reminded me) and he said "Shannon never let our kids sleep in bed." Guys, we coslept ALL of our kids. I said as much. Then I think he remembered and he didn't say much for the rest of that topic. It's true that when our kids got over 4, I never let them start off in our bed. He is was totally fine with kids sleeping in the middle but I would eject them, so I think that's where he pulled his memory from, but we were talking about babies.

 

I think the further we get from the baby years, the more he is just filling in the blanks with false memories. I have a memory like a vault for those years and I am annoyed by this. I'm sure this will only be more common as we age. Brains are weird!

[Scarlett]

JAWM.

 

I swear, sometimes I feel like my dh has lived an imaginary life. Let me start by saying that he has a legendarily bad memory, which he openly acknowledges, yet at the same time trusts. A few times lately he has told a story and it has been completely inaccurate. About 2 years ago he was telling the story of how we named our youngest and it was so completely off base, my kids actually glanced across the room at me with eyebrows raised. He went to tell it the same way a few months later and we actually got into a fight (in front of our friends- embarrassing) because I got so upset about it. He hasn't told the story since.

 

The other night we had a big group over and we were talking about kids and sleeping (the other thread reminded me) and he said "Shannon never let our kids sleep in bed." Guys, we coslept ALL of our kids. I said as much. Then I think he remembered and he didn't say much for the rest of that topic. It's true that when our kids got over 4, I never let them start off in our bed. He is was totally fine with kids sleeping in the middle but I would eject them, so I think that's where he pulled his memory from, but we were talking about babies.

 

I think the further we get from the baby years, the more he is just filling in the blanks with false memories. I have a memory like a vault for those years and I am annoyed by this. I'm sure this will only be more common as we age. Brains are weird!

I too have a memory like a vault. :). And my Dh, who has only been my Dh for 7 years, does not. He has told me stories from his childhood and his mother tells me he is way off. Like the time she she let him drive the family home from a trip because she was sick....he says he was 13 she says he was 15. The point of the story was he wasn't yet licensed but 15 is much different from 13!

 

And the time he fixed the family's washing machine. He thinks he was 13 for that too and she says no he was 15 or 16.

 

I think his brain is stuck in someways during the time shortly after his father was killed in an accident when Dh was 12.

[Bluegoat]

I see this with older people a lot.

 

Here's a scary, not totally serious question - how do you know your dh is the one with the faulty memory.....

[hornblower]

We all do it. 

Memory is not static. Memory is constantly being rewritten. There's been a fair bit of research on shared memories. Also on memory conformity & influencing each other's memories & implanted memories. Things like getting a wife to tell a story to their husband about something that supposedly happened to wife;, then asking husband about it months later and husband claiming it happened to him (when in fact, it didn't happen to either of them) One of the issues that this raises for me is the concept of "I". What does it mean when your memories are not actually yours at all? 

Guardian article on shared memories & when people disagree on the memories https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/14/shared-memories-problems-they-cause

 

[creekland]

We all do it. 

 

Memory is not static. Memory is constantly being rewritten. There's been a fair bit of research on shared memories. Also on memory conformity & influencing each other's memories & implanted memories. Things like getting a wife to tell a story to their husband about something that supposedly happened to wife;, then asking husband about it months later and husband claiming it happened to him (when in fact, it didn't happen to either of them) One of the issues that this raises for me is the concept of "I". What does it mean when your memories are not actually yours at all? 

 

Guardian article on shared memories & when people disagree on the memories https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/14/shared-memories-problems-they-cause

 

 

 

It's actually pretty scary just how faulty our memories (all) are when one studies the subject.  I'm glad there are more concrete ways to prove (or disprove) crimes now and wish they wouldn't let eyewitnesses testify (with a few exceptions).

 

It's extremely common for humans to look at the exact same thing and come away with different memories of it.

 

It's also extremely common for humans to fill in gaps of memories - and the filling in is often incorrect even though it makes sense.   :coolgleamA:

[Guest]

Yeah. Some people definitely do this more than others. I've produced pictorial evidence and then people are like " oh well." And I'm like OH WELL?! Lol you were just defending this like your life depended on it and now you're all oh well?

 

Annoying!

[Alice]

Memory is a weird thing. I have a very clear memory of watching the Challenger space shuttle explosion in elementary school. I can remember being taken to the library to watch the lift-off on TV and sitting in rows on the carpet with my class. I can remember being shocked and scared when it happened and the librarian quickly turning off the TV and trying to distract us. It is as clear as many other memories of mine. Problem is it can’t have happened. I was in high school when the Challenger exploded so there is no way it happened anything remotely like my memory. And I have no idea why I have that “memoryâ€. 

 

One of my kids has many “false memories†of stuff. I don’t know if it’s an active imagination or what but he will remember things that absolutely never happened. (At least I think they didn’t. :))

 

There are a couple of things in our shared history that dh and I both are very confident that we are right about but where we disagree. Some are more annoying to me than others....usually things about the kids. 

 

We  joke about it in a way that keeps us from arguing and acknowledges the crazy. Usually I’ll say “Oh, that must have been your other wife.†(We haven’t ever been married before...otherwise that probably wouldn’t be a funny joke.) 

[Janeway]

My husband does not but my dad always did.

[Word Nerd]

We all do it. 

 

 

This. You only think you have a memory like a vault and don't mis-remember things yourself.

[SKL]

LOL.  Not a spouse, but a good friend.  Forgets everything bad.  Sometimes I wish I had that ability.

 

I used to think other people remembered things wrong.  Then one day I realized that "why don't they remember it like I do" could be because I myself am distorting things in my memory.  I don't think that's the case, but it could be, sometimes ....

[Elizabeth86]

Thankfully not my dh, but I do have people in my life like that.

[sassenach]

This. You only think you have a memory like a vault and don't mis-remember things yourself.

Lol, exactly!

[SKL]

Oh and funny thing, yesterday my DD2 described to my friends a conversation from the previous day, between me and her riding teacher while the kids were riding.  A conversation that never actually occurred, nor did I ever tell my kids it occurred.  The actual conversation was completely different.  In the imaginary conversation, the teacher and I talked about my DD1's progress not being so good.  DD1 was sitting there in the car hearing this negative conversation about her that NEVER happened, LOL.  I wonder what other imaginary information my DD2 is spreading around town!

[sassenach]

I see this with older people a lot.

 

Here's a scary, not totally serious question - how do you know your dh is the one with the faulty memory.....

I think the thing with these particular stories is that they have been a regular topic for me for years. I talk about cosleeping with a new or soon to be mom at least every 6 months. And the story of dd's name was so special to me that my kids have heard it many times (hence the raised eyebrows). I might even have that one written down in her baby book.

 

Other things I'm willing to concede. But honestly, his track record is so bad, I don't usually.

 

Short term memory we are flip opposite. He can remember verbatim a conversation that recently happened and I will only remember a rough outline. I always have to concede if our disagreement involves words that were said.

[rjand6more]

I have someone in my life like that(actually 2 people).  The one calls the other a pathological liar.  And, I definitely know that she mixes things up just as often.  Usually small things like a story about how she acquired a recipe(or she made it up) when I gave it to her just a year ago...I ignore these "little faulty memories"  But there have been some really big ones too.  

 

I had a best friend in school that would tell stories with me involved in the story right in front of me when it never happened.  I sometimes corrected her.  But, I learned to just walk away.  I'm not sure if she just had faulty memories or was actually a pathological liar.

[Janeway]

Nt

Edited October 11, 2017 by Janeway

[Jean in Newcastle]

Things like this happen all the time here but wouldn't result in me getting angry. Instead, I would laugh and say something like "great story dear but we actually named youngest this way,". Or "we coslept until they were age four, remember?" I wouldn't be accusatory or make him defensive. He's not trying to lie.

Edited October 9, 2017 by Jean in Newcastle

[Amber in SJ]

My Dh does this about his mom.  I think it is a defense mechanism. 

 

For example he "forgets" she was diagnosed as bipolar & borderline personality disorder. 

 

He forgets that she has done violent things (knocked her 80 year old mother down & broke her arm because her mother wanted to go to Sears & MIL didn't want to take her) & then asks why I wouldn't let her babysit the kids overnight when they were little.

 

He forgets all of the times she has told outrageous lies about us to others:  "They said I couldn't see the grandkids unless I signed my house over to them." We were buying her house because she was about to be foreclosed on & letting her live there rent-free.   "They are selling my house out from under me & kicking me out to pay for their daughter to go to college."  Our daughter was 10 at the time.  Those are the mild ones.  And then when she tell lies about others he believes her even when it is proved she is lying, because why would someone lie about that?  I should have known something was hinky when I started dating Dh & she always wanted to take me shopping or we'd go out & she'd tell everyone we met like waiters & salesclerks that she was my big sister & we were out looking for men.  She is older than my mom.  Then she'd tell Dh when we got home, "Amber is so naughty.  She is trying to find me a man everywhere we go."  She was married to my FIL at the time.  The first time, I thought it was weird, after it happened a second time I refused to go anywhere with her alone.  I was 16 at the time.  

 

He forgets that the only time she calls is to ask for money that we don't have.  She doesn't call for his birthday, her grandkids' birthdays, or anything, but he gets excited when she calls on a random Wednesday until she asks for $$.  Then he is disappointed.  

 

He forgets how interactions with her went that I was present for.   He tells them completely differently to others.  I used to not contradict him in front of other people because I assumed he didn't want to speak badly of her or to have other people think she is.......the way she is, but later when I bring things up I realized that he actually remembers the incident in such a way so she doesn't seem so difficult.  Now, if it impacts me or our kids, I try to gently remind him of what actually happened and move along.  Otherwise I let him live in a world where his mom is not toxic & difficult.

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

 

 

[creekland]

I don't think we all re-write history to the extent that OP's husband does. Sounds like OP's husband is not malicious so I have no clue what they are going through. My dad did this. But he was having a lot of memory problems and was filling in the blanks. So I know what was behind that. My MIL does this, but it became very clear she knew she was lying and figured she could change the stories of what would happen by lying. In her case, it is so extreme that I actually saw a lawyer and started recording conversations. At one point, I confronted her and it was clear she knew what she was doing. Unfortunately, until I started recording the conversations, my husband would defend her false narratives. I thought I was going crazy which is a big part of why I was recording. For example, she would call me and cuss me out and tell me how much she hates me and make threats to harm me and my children. Then she would turn around and call my husband crying saying I threatened her and she just wants to be a grandma and a MIL and has no idea why I treat her this way. Then my husband would get angry at me. I started recording the conversations. And there came multiple times where my husband witnessed her threatening me and doing bad stuff and then later, my husband would say it never happened. I finally showed him that I had recorded it. Then he admitted he knew it happened and was upset there was a recording and wanted me to rid of it. I did not. Later, I guess he thought I rid of it and he started telling me I needed to be nicer to his mother and she is so wonderful to me and just wants to be my MIL and a grandma. I reminded him that I am always nice to her and she has been threatening me and mistreating me and had done things at that point that were harmful to our child.  He told me she never did that. I was shocked and reminded him I had recorded it. His answer had me floored. He said..these exact words, I will always remember it "I told you to get rid of that recording." (he only knew of one recording at that point but I actually had several, this was back when our oldest was a baby). Ummm...so..he remembered but tried to pretend it never happened. This was long ago, so not a current thing. He has changed a lot and we went to couples counseling. But the point is, sometimes, the false memories are actually lies and not memories. Now what I do wonder is if someone lies enough if they eventually believe the truth.

 

There are definitely mental illnesses when people lie too, but I suspect that is not the OP's situation.  Her DH seems perfectly "normal" as far as humans go with just a pure faulty memory.  Your MIL does not.

 

And in case anyone is wondering, kids who lie or tend to make up stories are often very intelligent... not always a great consolation, but it can be a "pro" to the condition.  ;)

[alisoncooks]

My 11 year old is like this and it scares me. (I am always the bad guy in her made-up memories.)

DH's sister is like this and I actually asked him (just last week) if he thought there was something genetically wrong with DD, that perhaps SIL also has.

[EMS83]

According to each other, we both do.  ;)

[Moonhawk]

Yes, DH has this a bit. He readily admits if he can't remember something, but some memories distort over time. Main one that bothers me is a debt we had 4 years ago. We were $3000 in debt that we got into together. We paid it off in 6 months, I took on two side projects specifically to pay it -- overall I paid $2k towards it, he paid $1k through side work. Today's memory is now: $6k in debt, I hid it from him, and he worked "night and day" to pay off my debt all by himself. He truly believes this. I correct each time it comes up and he will cede to me (even tho the 'hard copy' memory of his is stuck). Thankfully this is the only major rewrite, and I now know to correct as soon as distortions show up in retellings. He cedes to me immediately because we've proven multiple times that I simply have the more accurate memory for our life. (I cede to him on anything musical or book-learned, he really shines there.)

 

 

My 8yo has this too, idk where some of her memories come from. Last year she told my parents the reason we didn't have a Christmas tree up yet was because [we told her] DH didn't have Christmas trees growing up so she couldn't have one either. ??!?!? DH always had a christmas tree. The reason we didn't have it up is because I simply hadn't gotten to it yet. I explained to her (with DH in earshot) that once everyone helped clean up the area for the tree and kept it clean for 24 hours, I would put up the tree. I asked if she wanted to help me clean the area right then, and she said naw it could wait. But then she told my parents and truly believed her version. ??

 

Brains are funny things. 

 

[mathnerd]

Last night, I had to open DH's text and search through them and show him a text that I sent him 3 weeks ago (I always remind about something on the phone and immediately follow by texting the same thing) to prove that something had already been said by me and that I was not blindsiding him by bringing it up up at the last moment. My DH also rewrites all the bad history I have with his family - I attribute it to wishful thinking on his part.

[Julie Smith]

I find when Dh is lacking in sleep, or has his brain busy on other things (work project, good book series...) he is in a brain fog and can’t remember worth beans. When I notice him getting like that I take most of our conversations to skype or text, so I have proof later.

 

He also thinks that if he tells something to two people, then I must know it. So if he tells his sister and father something when visiting them!then I to must somehow know it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, DH has this a bit. He readily admits if he can't remember something, but some memories distort over time. Main one that bothers me is a debt we had 4 years ago. We were $3000 in debt that we got into together. We paid it off in 6 months, I took on two side projects specifically to pay it -- overall I paid $2k towards it, he paid $1k through side work. Today's memory is now: $6k in debt, I hid it from him, and he worked "night and day" to pay off my debt all by himself. He truly believes this. I correct each time it comes up and he will cede to me (even tho the 'hard copy' memory of his is stuck). Thankfully this is the only major rewrite, and I now know to correct as soon as distortions show up in retellings. He cedes to me immediately because we've proven multiple times that I simply have the more accurate memory for our life. (I cede to him on anything musical or book-learned, he really shines there.)

 

 

My 8yo has this too, idk where some of her memories come from. Last year she told my parents the reason we didn't have a Christmas tree up yet was because [we told her] DH didn't have Christmas trees growing up so she couldn't have one either. ??!?!? DH always had a christmas tree. The reason we didn't have it up is because I simply hadn't gotten to it yet. I explained to her (with DH in earshot) that once everyone helped clean up the area for the tree and kept it clean for 24 hours, I would put up the tree. I asked if she wanted to help me clean the area right then, and she said naw it could wait. But then she told my parents and truly believed her version. ??

 

Brains are funny things. 

 

You put up Christmas trees at the beginning of October?

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Some "memories" are rehearsed tellings of events.  That's why my kids have vivid "memories" of some of the stories of when they were babies.  I think that works for all of us though. We can rehearse certain grievances (often with exaggerations to make ourselves feel justified) and it becomes "memory". 

[6packofun]

Well, I don't know if this applies but people tend to remember things the way they affected THEM.  So, if dh in this scenario, for example, rarely helped out with babies in the night or sleeps like a rock or was asleep before you came in with baby, it's possible that his brain just didn't tuck it away properly.  LOL

[fraidycat]

We all do it.

 

Memory is not static. Memory is constantly being rewritten. There's been a fair bit of research on shared memories. Also on memory conformity & influencing each other's memories & implanted memories. Things like getting a wife to tell a story to their husband about something that supposedly happened to wife;, then asking husband about it months later and husband claiming it happened to him (when in fact, it didn't happen to either of them) One of the issues that this raises for me is the concept of "I". What does it mean when your memories are not actually yours at all?

 

Guardian article on shared memories & when people disagree on the memories https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/14/shared-memories-problems-they-cause

 

 

Just last night, my sister relayed a story that “happened to herâ€, except it is MY story. It happened to me about 20 years ago.

 

I just smiled and nodded.

[Moonhawk]

You put up Christmas trees at the beginning of October?

 

 

This was last December, like on the 15th or something.

 

However, my parents DO put up their Christmas tree in October. Well, my dad does, and it drives my mom nuts. The Christmas boxes are out on the living room floor as of last Friday. I joke that they should dress up as Santa and Mrs. Claus for Halloween because by the 31st their house is completely red and green inside. My dad grumbles that stores these days put out decorations way too early, but he's probably their main purchaser in October, lol. 

 

eta: I think this is why they were So Horrified that our tree wasn't up yet, because they have theirs up so early, a tree up after the 15th of December is unthinkable, lol. The "reason" my daughter gave tipped them over the edge. 

Edited October 9, 2017 by Moonhawk

[sassenach]

Things like this happen all the time here but wouldn't result in me getting angry. Instead, I would laugh and say something like "great story dear but we actually named youngest this way,". Or "we coslept until they were age four, remember?" I wouldn't be accusatory or make him defensive. He's not trying to lie.

Both wrong memories painted me in a poor light. The name one is an especially special story to me and it basically took it from being a precious God moment to being a story about me getting my way.

 

And, no, I don't think he means any harm and he's not doing it to dig at me, but I still don't like it. There are plenty of other times I can just laugh it off.

[Guest]

It's actually pretty scary just how faulty our memories (all) are when one studies the subject. I'm glad there are more concrete ways to prove (or disprove) crimes now and wish they wouldn't let eyewitnesses testify (with a few exceptions).

 

It's extremely common for humans to look at the exact same thing and come away with different memories of it.

 

It's also extremely common for humans to fill in gaps of memories - and the filling in is often incorrect even though it makes sense. :coolgleamA:

This is even more true when people are going through either acute or chronic stress. So, a person's memory of what happened in a car accident is unreliable or even if they were just going theough a bad time in general, like a recent death or financial problems.

[Scarlett]

This is even more true when people are going through either acute or chronic stress. So, a person's memory of what happened in a car accident is unreliable or even if they were just going theough a bad time in general, like a recent death or financial problems.

 

 

Like my dh when he lost his dad suddenly as a 12 year old.

[Guest]

Both wrong memories painted me in a poor light. The name one is an especially special story to me and it basically took it from being a precious God moment to being a story about me getting my way.

 

And, no, I don't think he means any harm and he's not doing it to dig at me, but I still don't like it. There are plenty of other times I can just laugh it off.

My DH has different memories of/beliefs about how our children were named, so I understand this. He has told people before that he chose all of our children's names, as if he just came up with them and I agreed which is utterly not correct. In the case of one child's middle name, for example, I was looking at the Beyond Jennifer and Jason baby name book, when I looked at a page with one-syllable middle names. And I said, "What do you think of Clare?" And he said, "Yes! I like it! Lydia Clare!"

 

Even when we named our dog (yes, really), I thought it was such a special moment, because ever since I was a ten-year-old girl with a friend whose German Shepherd was named Sarge, I always thought that was a good name for a GSD. When we got our dog, I still had that in the back of my mind and he said, "I always thought the name Sergeant was a good one for a German Shepherd." And I was like, "Wow! That's amazing! I have literally liked that name for a German Shepherd since I was a girl!" But that's not how he remembers it. He just thinks he picked it and I went aling with it. As if I would ever be so agreeable about something I care about as much as I care about names! ðŸ˜

[HomeAgain]

Well...no...but that is because I have a tendency to blog and document all the weird and crazy stuff we get up to and take pictures to go along with it.  :laugh: A few weeks ago I pulled up an old blog because he was off base about something.  It was silly, but I could say for sure that it happened that way instead of what he said! :lol:

[Seasider]

I see this with older people a lot.

 

Here's a scary, not totally serious question - how do you know your dh is the one with the faulty memory.....

Yeah, that makes me laugh. I am so, so sure of most of my memories, but… perceptions and point of view vary to alter the retelling of events.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it's normal to remember things a bit differently, but that does sound extreme.  Don't know what to make of that.

 

 

[heartlikealion]

Yes, sorta. I have caught dh say things that either weren't true or were exaggerated. For months now he's said he's going to take ds outside to shoot an archery bow he has. We talked to another hs family and I found out one of their children was into that. Dh offered that their child could join him and ds who practice on the weekend. Umm what? Lol. I told him in the car that he hasn't gone out once with ds yet and he said that he meant they would be doing it soon or something like that. He totally bends the truth in different conversations and it drives me batty.

 

I guess it's true that we could all have foggy memories and just not realize it. I held a grudge against MIL for something she did when ds was a baby and remembered a quote which exemplified the mindset. When she denied this memory of mine I told her the quote and she said that her daughter must have said it. Her daughter shrugged and took the blame lol. I've asked dh to say some things in emails to his family just so later they don't say they don't know what we're talking about (like suggesting a Christmas gift budget of X dollars or saying we'll go to this place on this date with the family or whatever). Mostly they insist on communicating orally, though, and then who knows what gets said or remembered LOL. Still remember sitting in the room as MIL told dh that she had told him already about 6 of them visiting when dd was born and dh and I were both like wait what??

 

[Tammi K]

I was seriously ill last summer and in the hospital for 14 days.  My DH is currently on a 3 year overseas assignment.  Because the illness was so severe he came home to take care of me and the kids. 

 

Now, I'll be the first to admit that there are a LOT of things that took place that I don't remember clearly. Two of my children took me to the emergency dept and they mention things that happened, things I said, etc and I have no memory of it.

 

But, recently dh was home again, a year later, and the subject of me not being able to remember came up. He was filling in some of the details and I was saying it never happened. He argued that it definitely did. He was sitting in the hospital waiting room while I got an MRI and..... going on and on with all the details. 

 

He would not admit he was wrong. After all, since it was blurry for me, how could I possibly know for certain that he was mistaken.   It was only after I pointed out to him that he returned home the day AFTER I was discharged and he was never with me at the hospital that he admitted that he 'might' be wrong.

 

 

edited for clarity

Edited October 10, 2017 by Tammi K

[heartlikealion]

I was seriously ill last summer and in the hospital for 14 days.  My DH is currently on a 3 year overseas assignment.  Because the illness was so severe he came home to take care of me and the kids. 

 

Now, I'll be the first to admit that there are a LOT of things that took place that I don't remember clearly. Two of my children took me to the emergency dept and they mention things that happened, things I said, etc and I have no memory of it.

 

But, recently dh was home again, a year later, and the subject of me not being able to remember came up. He was filling in some of the details and I was saying it never happened. He argued that it definitely did. He was sitting in the hospital waiting room while I got an MRI and..... going on and on with all the details. 

 

He would not admit he was wrong. After all, since it was blurry for me, how could I possibly know for certain that he was mistaken.   It was only after I pointed out to him that he returned home the day AFTER I was discharged and he was never with me at the hospital that he admitted that he 'might' be wrong.

 

 

edited for clarity

 

:lol:

 

[Murphy101]

Yes, our oldest has been saying things. I asked my other two, is this your same memory and they told me emphatically, NO.

Ha! My kids do that with each other all the time now. One of them will say something and all the other kids will stop and look at them like they lost their ever lovin mind. And sometimes I or Dh will say something and several of the kids will look at us, or we will look at each other, the same way. We laugh about it. Usually. Or just correct and move on. And even tho there's only five years between my youngest two, already I'm hearing "you never would have allowed _____" with the other kids. Most of the time that's blarney. The other 10% I just shrug and say, "Sorry, Guinea Pigs, I've leveled up since then."

[Murphy101]

Wow. Some of these tales seem so ... mean.

 

My Dh does this stuff too, but usually it's over silly stuff like swearing I saw a movie with him when I know I have not ever seen it. I tease that he must be confusing me with his other women. Or saying as how I never let the kids carry their sippy cups out of the kitchen. That's simply not true. I have numerous photos of babies in the living room with their sippy cups of water. He got mildly annoyed last week over dd having a boyfriend. (A very sweet fellow by all accounts.) He said we agreed no dating until 16 and then had the nerve to bicker with me that *I* was wrong about the fact that she is indeed 16, nearly 17! The funny follow up to that is he said she can't be that old because that would mean her next two brothers were almost teens too. Um, honey? They ARE 14 and 15 and your next daughter is nearly a teen. Poor man had to sit down with a beer afterward muttering, "this can't be right..." Which I totally made fun of bc *I'm* the one dealing with all these kids every day, so where's my glass of wine, tyvm? And Dh is actually a very informed father comparatively speaking. I think he just still sees them as littler than they are, which is sweet I suppose.

[slackermom]

Dh and I have very different memory styles. My memory is very image based, almost photographic, and emotion based. His memory is more of an ear for dialogue, and "fact patterns" (he is a lawyer), but if something is not important to him, or he doesn't like the answer, it appears that it doesn't register in his memory bank.

 

Also, he lived his entire childhood in one house, and he had extended family living in several houses on the same street. Memories and stories were shared, retold, again and again. We still live in his hometown. He runs into and remembers people from kindergarten.

 

I grew up moving all the time, and haven't seen anyone from any year in school for at least a couple of decades. My nearest relatives are at least 2000 miles away.

Due to some medical treatment, I have forgotten certain kinds of memories. I joke that now I can re-read all my favourite books again and again and be surprised each time.

 

We both suffer from PTSD.

 

I was just thinking earlier today that our marriage would have been much happier if he could let go of bad memories, and if I could do a better job of retaining good memories.

[creekland]

Both wrong memories painted me in a poor light. The name one is an especially special story to me and it basically took it from being a precious God moment to being a story about me getting my way.

 

And, no, I don't think he means any harm and he's not doing it to dig at me, but I still don't like it. There are plenty of other times I can just laugh it off.

 

Oh, I'd certainly be correcting his memories in your situation - as he corrects mine when needed too (akin to some of the other stories on here - mine is definitely worse post-radiation, so needs correcting often).

 

Now when hubby's mom told me he was a basketball star in high school, he let that one slide until a little later on before confessing he had no idea what she was talking about.  :lol:  Unless it's sailing, he's not terribly athletic and never played sports in school!  He's a male, but he doesn't even watch sports (except some sailboat racing).  

[creekland]

Due to some medical treatment, I have forgotten certain kinds of memories. I joke that now I can re-read all my favourite books again and again and be surprised each time.

 

Same here, and similar with movies and TV shows. There's no need to buy new ones.  I can watch something and two weeks later have forgotten most of it now. (sigh)

[J-rap]

There seems to be a trait in my dh's family where they do this.  I do think it has to do with the type of brain they have, and that it's inherited.  They are all very bright, and I think that's part of it too.  My dh can barely remember anything about his childhood and growing up years, and I always figured it was because he put so much brain power into the present.  He has a sister who is like that too, but instead of not remembering, she makes up things (but believes them to be true).  Now she's a very sharp woman, but it's sometimes hilarious the things she clearly "remembers" -- like the special, funny things her grandmother did at her wedding (and she can give clear examples).  Except that she had passed away years before then!

 

I have two (adult) kids who are like this too.  One just admits that they can't remember, while the other definitely re-writes things.

 

I'm sure we all do it to an extent of course, but some do it more.  If it's within the family, we generally correct each other good-naturedly.

 

 

[Guest]

I was just telling a story to my friend yesterday about how my mom SWORE to me, my step-dad, and a group of assembled friends a few years ago that she never wore cardigans when I was growing up. Got that? ***zero cardigans ever for any reason***

 

Pictures were produced. So many cardigans. Cardigans for days!!

 

I remain adamant that some people do this more often than others. It doesn't mean I'm saying my own memory is like the books of the angels, recording everything precisely. It does mean I trust my memory over my mothers any day of the week, and not just because it's my own!