Vacations - It's wrong to feel envious of my own son, right?

[Jenny in Florida]

As I type, my son is on the way to the bus station. He and his girlfriend are off on their first vacation together. They have planned it and paid for it themselves. They are on a pretty strict, no-frills budget -- Greyhound bus both ways, to the beach about an hour from home, AirBnB rental and some minimal groceries packed in their suitcases. I'm crossing my fingers everything goes well for them and that they have a good time.

 

However, watching him deal with the last-minute logistics and packing and driving him out to meet her and head for the bus station, I was struck by this wave of self-pity. It's been kind of a long summer around here, and I'm still dealing with some relatively minor but chronic health stuff, and the novelty has worn off my new job, and I'm restless and cranky and blah. I could so use a break.

 

I had to go look at my online calendar to refresh my memory, but it turns out the last time I went on vacation was almost four years ago. In the intervening time, I have done a little travelling here and there, but it's been things like taking my son to a dance convention/competition or for campus visits before he started college two years ago. Sure, technically I was away from home and staying in a hotel, but none of those trips equated to anything like refreshing or relaxing.

 

For a variety of reasons, an actual vacation is not in the cards. (The most significant is that I've been in my new job for less than six months and can't take time off, but there are also concerns relating to money and pets and me being needed here to shuttle my son from home to school to both of his jobs.) So, I'm trying to come up with ideas to cope with my increasing desire to wallow in a big old vat of feeling sorry for myself.

 

I'm not into the usual girl-type pampering stuff (mani-pedis, spas, shopping, etc.). I don't drink, and I'm a vegan. My husband and I do not have the kind of relationship that makes "go on a date" a meaningful possibility. The weather here has been just plain nastily hot and humid, so sitting outside with a book loses its appeal anytime past about 8:00 a.m. 

 

My weekend is coming up (Friday-Saturday), and since my son is out of town, I'm not on chauffer duty. For all of the non-shuttling reasons mentioned above, I can't actually leave town, but I could free up a few hours to do something at least a little bit indulgent. 

 

So, what would you do if you were me?

Edited August 10, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[katilac]

I would go to a good restaurant with a good book. 

 

If you have a fun friend nearby, I'd consider 'date night' with her. 

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

I would go to a good restaurant with a good book. 

 

If you have a fun friend nearby, I'd consider 'date night' with her. 

 

I almost added in my original post that I really have only one friend in the area . . . and she's currently out of town with her family.

 

But I decided that might make me sound too pitiful to be worthy of trying to help.

[IfIOnly]

Is there a restaraunt, local attraction, a movie you've been wanting to check out? To me, part of the vacation usually involves a little adventure, so doing something new to me counts even if it's local.

[Rosie_0801]

No, it's not wrong to feel that way.

 

I'd sit in my bed, eat Tim Tams, watch Dr Who reruns and feel sorry for myself, most likely. :p

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

[zoobie]

I'm wallowing in a no vacation pity party too. (Among other issues) I keep hiding in the bathroom and crying, so I have no good advice.

 

What do you enjoy doing? Is there something relating to that available for a few hours? A craft class or workshop? Movie? Show? Concert? Vegan cooking class?

[Halftime Hope]

_{Yup, right there with ya!} 

 

_{I'm sorry.}

 

 

[elegantlion]

I felt that way when ds went to Japan this summer. My last vacation was 2009 and I won't have a chance for a real one until next summer.

 

I would probably try to get away for one night, just a nice hotel and order room service or get a massage.

[Jenny in Florida]

Is there a restaraunt, local attraction, a movie you've been wanting to check out? To me, part of the vacation usually involves a little adventure, so doing something new to me counts even if it's local.

 

 

I'm wallowing in a no vacation pity party too. (Among other issues) I keep hiding in the bathroom and crying, so I have no good advice.

 

What do you enjoy doing? Is there something relating to that available for a few hours? A craft class or workshop? Movie? Show? Concert? Vegan cooking class?

 

I think that's part of my challenge, too. Two years out from my homeschooling "retirement," I still haven't really found the answers to questions like "What do you enjoy doing?"

 

I like theatre, but because I have kids who are involved in that community, I see a LOT of mediocre theatre in the name of being supportive of them and their friends. I don't want to make it sound like it's all a chore. Some shows are also really good. My son just finished a run of a community theatre production that was. I saw it twice and genuinely enjoyed it both times. But, consequently, just going to a show isn't special unless it's something really great or something I especially want to see, neither of which is available locally at the moment.

 

Same thing goes for concerts.

 

I'm picky about movies. I don't like the typical action blockbuster or anything with any siginificant amount of violence. I'm not into crude or gross-out humor. I can't stand stories that put children or animals in peril. I can no longer tolerate horror flicks. It doesn't leave much, and I've yet to find anything released this summer that looked promising enough to justify the ticket price.

 

I used to do a lot of crafting, but have kind of lost interest. A lot of it is that I already feel like I'm drowning in stuff and can't work up any enthusiasm for any project that leads to yet another item I have to figure out how to display or store or give away.

 

As for food, ugh. In addiiton to the vegan thing, because of either the medications I'm on or the underlying health issues or some combination of both, I have very little interest in eating and (trying to put this politely) often have reason to regret it when I do. As far as I'm concerned, the single positive thing about having a nearly empty nest is that I at least don't have to do much cooking most of the time.

 

I do love to read, but I do a lot of that, anyway. 

Edited August 10, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[Plink]

In your shoes... If my son were taking a vacation, but unable to afford his own car to drive back and forth to college, we'd have a bit of a chat about priorities - not that taking a vacation is bad, but he'd better be saving toward a car too.  That would make me resent the whole situation less.

 

 

Would you enjoy a subscription to Owlcrate?  The surprise of receiving a newly released book that you don't have to choose yourself, along with a few bookish treats that match the theme can transform any dreary Saturday into cozy relaxation time.

Edited August 10, 2016 by Plink

[gardenmom5]

In your shoes... If my son were taking a vacation, but unable to afford his own car to drive back and forth to college, we'd have a bit of a chat about priorities - not that taking a vacation is bad, but he'd better be saving toward a car too.  That would make me resent the whole situation less.

 

 

Would you enjoy a subscription to Owlcrate?  The surprise of receiving a newly released book that you don't have to choose yourself, along with a few bookish treats that match the theme can transform any dreary Saturday into cozy relaxation time.

 

this.

 

my girls have travels much more extensively than me (europe and south america multiple times) - but i married young and had four children and a house by the time I was their age.  they have good priorities - but I know they both want their own homes, marriage and families.  (one owns a home, one is married - neither have children.)    sure travel would be nice - but I wouldn't trade them either.

 

as for owlcrate - I did see an excellent pix across my fb feed of a bedroom with a bunch of owls.  it was hogwarts spam mail.

[Ravin]

I would go to a museum no one else in the family would be interested in. Or go see a movie by myself like I used to enjoy doing when I was young and single.

[hornblower]

I would search the Happy Cow app for a vegan restaurant or cafe you haven't tried yet within a couple hour driving distance and head on out to try it and maybe do some sightseeing. 

[Jenny in Florida]

In your shoes... If my son were taking a vacation, but unable to afford his own car to drive back and forth to college, we'd have a bit of a chat about priorities - not that taking a vacation is bad, but he'd better be saving toward a car too.  That would make me resent the whole situation less.

 

 

Would you enjoy a subscription to Owlcrate?  The surprise of receiving a newly released book that you don't have to choose yourself, along with a few bookish treats that match the theme can transform any dreary Saturday into cozy relaxation time.

 

Well, this is really beside the point, but he only started working this summer. He came out of the last academic year exhausted and burned out and has done a great job working and saving the majority of his earnings. However, he is not close to having what he would need to purchase a decent used car that would reliably and safely get him to and from campus. And once school starts, we want him to be able to focus on doing well academically and be prepared to transition to the next phase, rather than being worried about working enough hours to pay for insurance and gas and car repairs.

 

A few days away done ultra cheap, on the other hand, was an achievable goal. He and his girlfriend planned and budgeted all summer, forgoing other activities, so they could have this small adventure together.

 

Long-term, the goal is for him to be socking away a nest egg for his post-graduation plans. Buying and maintaining a car would make that nearly impossible. Spending a couple of hundred dollars to go to the beach barely makes a dent.

 

Owlcrate looks cute, but not my thing. I am slightly less picky about books than I am about movies, but I can't imagine I would like enough of the offerings to justify that price tag. Given that I work at a library, I have pretty much anything I might want to read available at my fingertips for free. In fact, I can get the book of my choice delivered to my desk within a few days. So, I'm never short on reading material.

[Annie G]

Jenny, I think I know how you feel.  To me it feels like burnout from years of doing what the kids need...theater, tuition, etc.  So when my kids have done things....study abroad, head into Chicago for a couple of days, or even take the vacation dh and I couldn't take but had already paid for...I feel a bit down. 

 

I'm fortunate enough to be able to take some short trips, but I hope you find a way to splurge on yourself to make you feel treated. You've earned it! Just wanted you to feel that you're not alone or weird for having these feelings.  And it's totally not about the kids spending money on a short trip vs. saving all their earnings. I think they have a decent balance.  

 

With no carpool duties, hope you have a great weekend!

 

 

 

 

Edited August 10, 2016 by Annie G

[OneStepAtATime]

It sounds like maybe more depression than a momentary "woe is me", "help me think of something cheap, fun, and local to do with my weekend" scenario.  You have lost interest in many things that gave you joy.  This seems more long-term and the trip just brought it to the forefront of your awareness.  Could you be feeling depressed?

[fraidycat]

In your shoes... If my son were taking a vacation, but unable to afford his own car to drive back and forth to college, we'd have a bit of a chat about priorities - not that taking a vacation is bad, but he'd better be saving toward a car too. That would make me resent the whole situation less.

 

 

.

What's there to chat about? The thing about priorities is that each person gets to decide for him/herself what they are.

 

Some people want material items. Houses. Cars. Doo-dads. Responsibilities.

 

Some people want experiences. Travel. Adventure. Entertainment. Freedom.

 

It's not for anyone else to decide which priorities should belong to which person.

 

Jenny, I've read many of your threads on finding yourself/a job/an interest/etc. and agree with a PP that it sounds like it could be depression. Perhaps a check-up for chemical levels or an appointment with a therapist might be a good idea.

Edited August 10, 2016 by fraidycat

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

I'm having a "jealous of dh" evening.

 

I want to join the Tim Tams/Doctor Who club!

 

I like the museum idea given up thread and would add in time at a coffee shop with a book.

[DawnM]

Personally one of my favorite things to do is to meet up with a friend for coffee or dinner.  

 

[FriedClams]

Completely counter intuitive, but I'd go volunteer somewhere meaningful. Food pantry, animal shelter... Something you believe in. It helps me to get out of myself and maybe meet some nice, like minded people. It might hemp to widen your social circle, too. Then I'd make sure I got extra sleep, and a little special treat (a nice coffee and a bakery treat with the newspaper). Lastly, time at church in worship is huge for me too.

[Jenny in Florida]

You have lost interest in many things that gave you joy.  This seems more long-term and the trip just brought it to the forefront of your awareness.  Could you be feeling depressed?

 

 

Jenny, I've read many of your threads on finding yourself/a job/an interest/etc. and agree with a PP that it sounds like it could be depression. 

 

See, I would argue that it's not so much that I have "lost interest" in things, but that things that gave me joy either changed or ended.

 

For most of my adult life, my interests and passions have revolved around being a mom, educating my kids and supporting their interests and activities, with any time and energy I had left over devoted to things like crafting and baking and reading and hanging out with my dog. I liked living downtown where I had easy access to certain community events like craft fairs and festivals and from where I could get to the only movie theatre in town that shows films I might actually want to see with a drive of less than an hour. I tend to be a future-oriented person, so planning the following year's homeschool curriculum or the next family vacation or helping one kid or the other source and prepare for auditions were very satisfying activities for me.

 

In the last two years or so, homeschooling ended, my daughter moved away and my son went to college, meaning I lost my role as support person and planner. As a concession to my husband's comfort and health, we moved back to the suburban part of town where there is not even a farmer's market to browse on the weekend. My eyesight has deteriorated -- even with a good prescription -- to the point at which most of the crafting I used to enjoy is no longer fun or relaxing, and no one needs one more crocheted scarf or cross-stitched doo-dad from me, anyway. I developed some health issues that make food uninteresting and/or problematic and also no longer have kids or teens home to eat anything I might bake. 

 

I have tried to shift my energy and focus to myself and my own life, but, honestly, I'm not very interesting to myself. I've strategized and taken the steps necessary to get back into paid work from SAHM-ing and, after some exerimenting, have two part-time jobs I like just fine. One is an especially good fit, and I hope to be able to grow and contribute there until it's time to retire. I'm taking some small steps towards personal/professional development, which I'm enjoying, but working on or doing things for myself just isn't as interesting or fulfilling to me as caring for my family.

 

I still read. I still like the dog.

 

So, yeah, I definitely recognize that I'm bored and feeling a bit depressed. I just tend to think it's situational and justifable.

[Acadie]

Try four new things this weekend, and just notice if you're enjoying yourself and are drawn to more of that, or not. If not, even that is good information to help you discover what you do like. And if you do enjoy it, woohoo! More more more!

 

Is there an art house movie theater near you? Maybe you could find a place where the kind of movies you like are screened. (I rarely find movies I want to see at regular theaters, like you, but at an art house I can usually find at least one.) 

 

Or could you compose a list of great art flicks you'd like to see, and get one from your library? Do you like to have a series going, like Treme, In Treatment, or Six Feet Under? 

 

Print a mandala online and color it? Take it to a coffee shop?

 

Try a new museum or historical site? 

 

Go to a restaurant or cafe with a book and journal to write in? 

 

Go to a poetry reading, a book signing, a bowling alley, a band?

 

Consult tour guides to your area at your library, and make a list of things you've never done or restaurants you've never tried that sound appealing, then do a few of those things?

 

Drop in at a yoga, zumba, pool aerobics, aerial silks or dance class? 

 

Take a chair to the beach after dark and watch the waves? Have a picnic breakfast on the beach and do the same? Go for a walk or hike in a place you've never been before?

 

Invite a coworker out for coffee?

 

The goal being novelty and a little sense of adventure, listening to how you feel about what you're doing, and treating this as empirical information on your way to having more pleasure.

 

Amy

[Acadie]

Ooh, just read your last post--get yourself downtown to do some of the things you've enjoyed, farmer's market, festival, movie?

[magnificent_baby]

Absorb yourself in a really good book

 

Go for a walk each day, even if it's very short

 

Go to a funny movie

 

Buy a pretty notebook/journal and make a list of new things you want to try or lists of anything

 

Call someone you haven't talked to for a long time

 

Buy some pretty note cards and send one to someone

 

Research and make a new recipe

 

Buy a cheap plastic pan, bath salts/scrub and soak and lotion up your feet while you watch TV

 

Buy yourself some pretty pajamas and put them on after a bath (do you have a Lush near you? this is my newest favorite indulgence, especially after a long, stressful day)

 

:grouphug:

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

Is there an art house movie theater near you? Maybe you could find a place where the kind of movies you like are screened. (I rarely find movies I want to see at regular theaters, like you, but at an art house I can usually find at least one.) 

 

Or could you compose a list of great art flicks you'd like to see, and get one from your library? Do you like to have a series going, like Treme, In Treatment, or Six Feet Under? 

 

Print a mandala online and color it? Take it to a coffee shop?

 

Try a new museum or historical site? 

 

Go to a restaurant or cafe with a book and journal to write in? 

 

Go to a poetry reading, a book signing, a bowling alley, a band?

 

Consult tour guides to your area at your library, and make a list of things you've never done or restaurants you've never tried that sound appealing, then do a few of those things?

 

Drop in at a yoga, zumba, pool aerobics, aerial silks or dance class? 

 

Take a chair to the beach after dark and watch the waves? Have a picnic breakfast on the beach and do the same? Go for a walk or hike in a place you've never been before?

 

Invite a coworker out for coffee?

 

The goal being novelty and a little sense of adventure, listening to how you feel about what you're doing, and treating this as empirical information on your way to having more pleasure.

 

Amy

 

I really like the idea of novelty, but after so many years in one place, it's pretty tough to achieve. For example:

 

There is one "art house"-type movie theatre. It is an hour's drive from my house and is currently showing on its single screen a film I don't want to see.

 

Our library is pretty good about getting recent popular films on DVD, but not great about getting (or keeping) anything more obscure. Even before I worked at the library, I was a regular and savvy user of library services. (Our library system has sixteen branches. I counted it up recently and realized that, as a patron, I have visited/checked out materials from 14 of them.) If a film has come out in the last 10 years or so that I want to see and is available through the library, I've seen it.

 

I do like to have a series going, but we have Netflix, Amazon Prime and Hulu. So, again, if I want to watch it, I've done it. (Also, note my issues with films/TV series depicting violence, gore, horror and storylines putting children or animals in peril. Coupled with my disinterest in crude humor, it makes the pickings for viewing material pretty slim.)

 

The only "coffee shops" in my area are Starbucks and Panera, both of which are loud and cold.

 

I homeschooled in this city for 15 years. If there's a museum or historical site within 50 miles that I haven't already been to -- probably more than once -- I'll eat my hat.

 

Restaurants are a non-starter. I'm a vegan (and, yes, I've already tried most -- possibly all -- of the vegan restaurants and bakeries in the area) and, as I've mentioned, the combination of some health issues and the medications I take to cope with them makes food uninteresting and, often, not worth the after effects.

 

I did peruse a couple of websites for listings of cultural events for this weekend, but found nothing that appeals to me. It's the tag end of summer vacation here. School starts for a couple of local districts any second now, so community events are in kind of a lull.

 

I'm not a Zumba/aeriel skills/dance class kind of girl.

 

I love the idea of heading to the beach, but it's August in Florida, which means at any given hour of the day it's either miserably hot or pouring rain.

 

I'm also struggling with the ever-present dog dilemma: I adore my dog. She's probably my best friend. I'm definitely her favorite person, and she is bereft when I'm not around. Now that I work close to full-time hours, she's home without me a lot. So, I feel guilty when I choose to leave her behind when I don't have to do so. However, she's also anxious and dislikes other dogs, meaning that most "dog-friendly" destinations are not fun or relaxing for either of us.

 

I told my husband the other day that my idea of the perfect getaway would involve a cabin on the beach with a fenced area from which I could see and hear the water so that I could sit around outside or inside, depending on weather, and read a book or listen to music and my dog could play without needing constant supervision and without the risk of running into any other dogs. Ideally, there would be a few shops and/or activities within walking distance, so that when I wanted a change of scene I could leave the dog in the cabin and head out by myself for an hour or two. He has actually tried to find me such a location but has not had any luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

I always feel badly after I start these threads, because people are trying to help, and I end up having to choose between seeming to "ignore" them or shoot down everyone's suggestions.

 

It's one reason why I try to phrase my question in terms of "what would you do," rather than "what should I do?"

 

But, really, I think the larger issue is that I am, in general, a pretty coping and self-sufficient person. So, by the time I break down and actually post here for help, I've already really struggled with that particular issue. Basically, I only come to you guys with the impossible stuff.

 

In any case, I do thank everyone for trying and for caring.

 

Special shout out to the Tim Tams and Doctor Who crowd: I'm sorry you're also feeling icky, but it's nice to know I'm not alone!

[SproutMamaK]

I don't think it's wrong to feel envious... it's normal! You've been supporting him at the expense of your own time and money, and as your reward, he gets to enjoy something that you don't. There's nothing wrong with that at all. While it's not a pleasant feeling, I think it's not only normal but appropriate. And what you're doing right now is exactly what you should be doing: looking deeper in to it to find out what the root cause of that feeling is, and trying to come up with solutions to remedy the problem. I know that's nor particularly HELPFUL to hear, lol, but I just want to make sure you know that what you're feeling isn't wrong, it's totally normal and even healthy.

I don't really have any helpful advice for you, though I wish I did. I think what any one person find fulfilling will be vastly different from another person's fulfillment. All I can say is that you might want to try a bunch of things, even things that at first glance you would write off. I've tried things I thought I would find boring or even obnoxious because I was forced into it by my husband or friends, and was surprised to find that I liked them. Try to keep an open mind. Even if you find you were right about something and you don't enjoy it, at least you'll have tried and and you'll have some new and interesting memories.

Edited August 10, 2016 by SproutMamaK

[katilac]

Not related to the immediate topic, but your comments about enjoying homeschooling, long-term planning, and being a support person make me think that you should check out Upward Bound type employment possibilities in your area. Upward Bound and similar organizations work to prepare and guide first-generation and other students for college. 

 

I have no personal experience with them, other than always regretting not accepting an offered part-time job there while in college, but it sounds like a potential match for you. 

[Anne in CA]

I really get it. I think things through A LOT already, so few people ever have suggestions for me that I haven't thought of.

[J-rap]

Can you start planning a mini vacation for a date in the future?  That always pulls me out of a slump!  Is there a long weekend now that you and your dh can set (sometime this fall maybe, after your ds is at school, etc.), and start planning?  Pick the town, pick the place, go on airbnb...  If you can't find your cabin on the beach, maybe a hotel on the beach?  A lot of hotels accept dogs these days.

[katilac]

Can you start planning a mini vacation for a date in the future?  That always pulls me out of a slump!  Is there a long weekend now that you and your dh can set (sometime this fall maybe, after your ds is at school, etc.), and start planning?  Pick the town, pick the place, go on airbnb...  If you can't find your cabin on the beach, maybe a hotel on the beach?  A lot of hotels accept dogs these days.

 

I will research and plan things without a set date, or even a vague one, lol. 

 

It's possible I enjoy the planning as much as the vacation. 

[fraidycat]

I will research and plan things without a set date, or even a vague one, lol.

 

It's possible I enjoy the planning as much as the vacation.

This was going to be my suggestion after the more recent posts. Just planning and visualizing what you'd do, see, hear, smell can be as fun as actually going on vacation.

 

Make a vacation bucket list. But plan and visualize each and every place. Heck, make a vision board for each one.

 

Maaaaan. That sounds fun. I wish I had the time to do it!

[Critterfixer]

No vacation time for me either--I've got too many animals on twice daily medications and low stress lifestyles for me to even spend a night out of the house right now. And I work weekends. 

What I try to do is make some time on Sunday mornings to just go sit somewhere. Sometimes I take my writing. Sometimes I take it and just read it over and think. It's just nice to get out of the house for a couple of hours and find a peaceful place to be quiet. That usually means going out pretty early, when nobody else is about. Lately DH and I have been waterfall hunting (hard to do in August around here!), but there are a few locations not too far away that I might go if we don't go waterfall hunting. It's not so terrible out in the mornings (only around 80 to 85 lately, humidity and bugs can be bad, but if you can get some shade and a little morning breeze it's tolerable.) And I like to people watch and imagine how I might describe them or the place I'm watching at the time. It's fun for me, but I've noticed that when I come back from some of these "let it be" trips I have more creative energy. So I don't go to do things, but just to sit and be without really expecting to get anything out of it. 

It's kind of weird, I guess, but I enjoy it.

[J-rap]

 

 

It's possible I enjoy the planning as much as the vacation. 

 

Me too!  I wonder why that is.  :)

[Ali in OR]

What I would do (what I actually am doing):

 

Ignore "supposed-to-do" items in favor of sitting around watching Olympics while playing my favorite double-deck solitaire game.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Wander around Hobby Lobby, especially looking at the fun seasonal stuff.

 

Go antique-ing, except all that means is here looking at stores with old stuff in them.  Still fun.

 

I like to do theme nights sometimes, where I pick a movie to watch at home and decorate the living room correspondingly, then eat themed foods, too.

 

I've lately been thinking about a Christmas in Summer theme night, where I play Christmas music and watch Christmas movies.  Maybe throw a few Christmas decorations on the mantel.  

 

Surf pinterest for fall foliage pictures.

 

Forgot to add:  Puzzles!  

Edited August 10, 2016 by perkybunch

[EmilyGF]

Are you feeling isolated? Do you have friends you enjoy spending time with? When I visited my parents last month, I had six or seven evenings I spent sitting out on the porch talking with old friends for hours. No food, no expense, very fun and life giving. (Though it made me sadder when I returned home.)

 

I've been obsessing with a non-homeschooling related subject recently and have been having a ton of fun. Because I'd been immersed in homeschooling for the last 6-7 years, I'd forgotten about quantitative things I like. I also have issues with RSI so my normal hobbies (knitting, sewing, even fun cooking) are off the table. Both my best friends moved out of town. I dove into something different.

 

Emily

[bettyandbob]

Jenny have you tried any meet up groups in your area? You might peruse online lists and try one or two. Just to have something new to look forward to.

[happi duck]

Wander around Hobby Lobby, especially looking at the fun seasonal stuff.

 

Go antique-ing, except all that means is here looking at stores with old stuff in them. Still fun.

 

I like to do theme nights sometimes, where I pick a movie to watch at home and decorate the living room correspondingly, then eat themed foods, too.

 

I've lately been thinking about a Christmas in Summer theme night, where I play Christmas music and watch Christmas movies. Maybe throw a few Christmas decorations on the mantel.

 

Surf pinterest for fall foliage pictures.

 

Forgot to add: Puzzles!

I've been thinking of watching Christmas movies! I love the idea of pulling out some decorations and music...maybe even a recipe!

 

I like the puzzle suggestion. I find puzzles of all sorts very "mindful-ish".

 

Op, I hope you find something! (Hugs)

[Jenny in Florida]

Are you feeling isolated? Do you have friends you enjoy spending time with?

 

 

Jenny have you tried any meet up groups in your area? You might peruse online lists and try one or two. Just to have something new to look forward to.

 

Since a few folks have mentioned variations on the "go meet people" idea, I should probably confess that I'm a pretty serious introvert. Spending time even with people I like is tiring for me, and, while I generally love and appreciate human beings in the abstract and am capable of being (I'm told) fairly charmingly social when necessary, it's pretty rare that I find anyone whose company I find "fun." Even the friend I mentioned earlier, who is out of town with her family this week, I sometimes have to put off a few days or a week when she reaches out about getting together. I genuinely like her, and we've been friends for years, so I'm very comfortable with her, but hanging out with her for a few hours means I'm "done" for the rest of the day.

 

Both of my jobs are people-centric, which means that by the time I get home many/most days, I really feel like I have done as much in that regard as I want. 

[Katy]

It's not wrong to feel that way.  Frankly, DS is 18, he can learn to drive or use a cab, house sit & pet-sit, and drive himself while you go away for Labor Day weekend.

[Critterfixer]

How far away is your beach? I'd be tempted to try that since it interests you, even with the threat of rain or heat. Honestly, rain and heat are just going to happen where you are at, just like heat, bugs, thunderstorms, poisonous snakes, and large flying insects that sting and/or bite, ticks, mosquitoes and spiders are going to happen to me whenever I go on one of my waterfall trips. And the people I run into are really of all types, too. But I'm not going out to do anything other than to just be there and see what happens. It's kind of a zen thing for an introvert. You might just pack up, take an umbrella and a sack lunch and go see the ocean and see what happens.

No expectations. Just go and be.

[Guest]

I like to poke around antiques shops and second-hand stores on Main Street, and have a coffee at a cute coffeeshop in town.

 

I know what you mean, though. Sometimes I feel this way about my kid's college. I started college at 38 and so, never had those great experiences of living on a beautiful campus with tons of interesting activities and great friends at arm's length. I think my kid has it SO good!

[zoobie]

What about a real massage? Not a frou frou spa place. DH just got one at a chiropractor's office and is raving about it.

 

St. George's Island is a very dog-friendly beach. I know a few friends who have taken their dogs there. It's on the Gulf side.

[Jenny in Florida]

What about a real massage? Not a frou frou spa place. DH just got one at a chiropractor's office and is raving about it.

 

St. George's Island is a very dog-friendly beach. I know a few friends who have taken their dogs there. It's on the Gulf side.

 

The idea of a stranger massaging me -- or even touching me, really -- is completely unappealing.

 

I can't actually take my dog to a dog-friendly beach, because she would run into other dogs, which is a recipe for stress for both of us. The only way the beach-with-the-dog fantasy works is if she is somehow the only dog allowed in the area or she has a place from which she can't see or hear any other dogs that might be nearby.

 

And the thing is that I did everything "right" with her. I've taken her out and about, meeting people and dogs in all kinds of places, from the time she was a puppy. We did two rounds of classes at a local pet store, during which she shared space with other dogs. We've taken her on vacation to dog-friendly locations. We've routinely taken her to craft fairs and farmer's markets and other community events. Until the last couple of months, when the weather got unusually hot and I became unable to sustain the determination to force the issue, we have gone out for a walk every morning, during which she encounters stray cats and other dogs in the neighborhood. She's had a ton of experience and exposure to the world and to other beasties . . . she's just an anxious dog, and having her with me makes any outing more stressful and less pleasant.

[Guest]

See, I would argue that it's not so much that I have "lost interest" in things, but that things that gave me joy either changed or ended.

 

For most of my adult life, my interests and passions have revolved around being a mom, educating my kids and supporting their interests and activities, with any time and energy I had left over devoted to things like crafting and baking and reading and hanging out with my dog. I liked living downtown where I had easy access to certain community events like craft fairs and festivals and from where I could get to the only movie theatre in town that shows films I might actually want to see with a drive of less than an hour. I tend to be a future-oriented person, so planning the following year's homeschool curriculum or the next family vacation or helping one kid or the other source and prepare for auditions were very satisfying activities for me.

 

In the last two years or so, homeschooling ended, my daughter moved away and my son went to college, meaning I lost my role as support person and planner. As a concession to my husband's comfort and health, we moved back to the suburban part of town where there is not even a farmer's market to browse on the weekend. My eyesight has deteriorated -- even with a good prescription -- to the point at which most of the crafting I used to enjoy is no longer fun or relaxing, and no one needs one more crocheted scarf or cross-stitched doo-dad from me, anyway. I developed some health issues that make food uninteresting and/or problematic and also no longer have kids or teens home to eat anything I might bake.

 

I have tried to shift my energy and focus to myself and my own life, but, honestly, I'm not very interesting to myself. I've strategized and taken the steps necessary to get back into paid work from SAHM-ing and, after some exerimenting, have two part-time jobs I like just fine. One is an especially good fit, and I hope to be able to grow and contribute there until it's time to retire. I'm taking some small steps towards personal/professional development, which I'm enjoying, but working on or doing things for myself just isn't as interesting or fulfilling to me as caring for my family.

 

I still read. I still like the dog.

 

So, yeah, I definitely recognize that I'm bored and feeling a bit depressed. I just tend to think it's situational and justifable.

There's so much in this post that parallels a lot of what I've been feeling, and is also a lot of what I was asking in the Mid-Life Crisis thread I started recently. (Not saying it's MLC for you, just that I have a lot of those same feelings of my main investment for all these years is coming to a close - and I'm not even fully finished the homeschool/kid raising phase.)

[ktgrok]

Well, I'd take a night in a hotel by yourself, and bring books and watch a movie or whatever, if you want time by yourself. Or go to say, Reningers antiques and browse if you like that, or maybe Mount Dora and walk around a bit. Or St. Augustine for the day, that's fun. 

 

But honestly, introverts need friends and relationships too. If your husband isn't someone you can do fun stuff with, and you only have one other friend, I'd be looking to make a few more somehow. Or work on your relationship with your husband if that is possible. But really, everyone should have thing that make them happy, and if you don't, then it's time to talk to a therapist or explore medication for depression. 

[Critterfixer]

I think Sadie is right about introverts needing to try things that they might hate. Sometimes more than once. I didn't think I'd care for going to the writers' group on Tuesday evenings. But it turns out that I do like going, and the folks there actually seem to enjoy my company, too. So that worked out well. But I had to try it first. And it took a few times before I decided it was okay, and now I like it. 

I don't think I'm ready to try that indoor skydiving Sadie mentions, though! :laugh:

[Critterfixer]

Okay, I have to admit, Sadie, that looks cool! I had something else pictured, but I could totally do that since they start you down low and then work your way up to going higher. 

[fraidycat]

We are actually planning on a school excursion there soon - I can't wait! I will be scared stupid, and look like a fat little potato in that suit and helmet, but it will be a thrill.

Hey! <scowly face> Be nice to yourself!!