Home'scool Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Let us assume a couple is getting divorced. They have decided that the reasons for the dissolution of the marriage are to be share 50/50 between spouses so no one spouse is more of a "bad guy" than the other. The couple is working towards the divorce by finding attorneys, etc., but the process takes time. In this time period they are still living together, still legally married, but are in full agreement that the marriage is over. The husband starts a relationship with another person. They are sleeping together. Is that "affair" partly the responsibility of the wife? As in, can everything that results from the marriage falling apart (ie, this affair) be attributed at least partly to the wife because she was partly responsible for the relationship being over, or does the husband own his actions completely on his own? Just interested in hearing what people think ..... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 The people in the affair are the only ones responsible for the affair. It doesn't matter if you are single, divorced or married. 44 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Excuse my language----wtf? Please tell me this hypothetical non-cheating spouse has her own lawyer. 32 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 No, not the fault of the wife. I think in these situations, the person has typically moved mentally to a "not married" mindset. And as far as it goes there is some truth to that - they are really just working out the administrative aspects at that point. But to my mind it is tacky, a little selfish, and also probably not all that healthy. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 No! Responsibility belongs to those in the affair and no one else. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 ??? I don't consider that an affair. I consider it unwise timing, tacky, and immature but not an affair. Marriage is not a piece of paper. That said, I find the question bizarre. The people involved in the relationship are the responsible parties. 35 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 No one but the 2 people involved in the affair are responsible for the affair. I would hope that if the hypothetical cheater is trying to blame the other spouse at all that the other spouse starts seeing this person for who they are, a manipulator. And then takes steps to protect themselves even more now that they see the true colors of the cheating spouse. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I'm not entirely understanding the question. Do you mean that the hypothetical spouse who didn't cheat deserves more than 50% because the cheating spouse is the one who ruined the marriage? Meaning this action has changed the amicable nature of the agreement to divorce? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 ??? I don't consider that an affair. I consider it unwise timing, tacky, and immature but not an affair. Marriage is not a piece of paper. That said, I find the question bizarre. The people involved in the relationship are the responsible parties. I don't consider it an affair either. It would be respectful to wait until the marriage is legally dissolved, but the marriage in question is over, agreed on by both parties. Just because they are housemates does not mean they are still "married." I wouldn't find it strange or wrong for either party to seek a new relationship and they don't need to tell their ex-spouse about. It may be disrespectful and unkind not to wait for legalities, but I don't think this is an affair. So no, I don't even think there is blame to assign anywhere. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 the husband owns this one - completely. I wouldn't take his claims of it started after the seperation at face value either - I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the relationship is established - and is *really* why he wanted a divorce. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 For an at fault kind of divorce, I won't be surprise if the cheating party wants to lay blame on the other party. A friend's girlfriend cheating ex did something to that effect and the lady has to show marriage counseling records to substantiate that her ex wasn't interested in making the marriage work. She did end up getting full custody of their only child after a drag out nasty divorce. My cousin cheated but he initiated divorce based on fathering a child with his employee so that was clear cut from the divorce court point of view. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 If the union between the husband and wife has been for all intents and purposes dissolved, and the delay in attaining the actual paperwork is due to the husband and wife working for a fair division of marital assets, one of the two seeking companionship isn't a completely horrible thing. In a perfect world, the paperwork would be completed first. The new relationship being established after the practical dissolution of the relationship doesn't say "affair" to me. An affair is where one spouse is invested in the marriage and has no idea the relationship has been broken. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I don't consider it an affair either. It would be respectful to wait until the marriage is legally dissolved, but the marriage in question is over, agreed on by both parties. Just because they are housemates does not mean they are still "married." I wouldn't find it strange or wrong for either party to seek a new relationship and they don't need to tell their ex-spouse about. It may be disrespectful and unkind not to wait for legalities, but I don't think this is an affair. So no, I don't even think there is blame to assign anywhere. Depends. When did the affair start? And what was the reasoning for divorce? Irreconcilable differences? Or spouse wanting to be with someone else? I would certainly start to feel much differently about the situation if this were the case. I'd be angry that my spouse potentially put me in danger and broke what I'd consider a legal contract. I know I'm probably sounding insanely goofy by wording it that way, but yes if someone marries me they have made a promise not to cheat on me. This may not change the fact the marriage is over, but I'm not going to feel so willing to be equitable. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) Yeah that's what I thought. Sigh. This hypothetical husband has a real hypothetical time taking 100% responsibility for everything. Anything that goes wrong is never just his fault, someone else has to be dragged into it too. Really glad this hypothetical wife will be moving out in 2 weeks and this all should be over soon - hypothetically :) !! Edited March 9, 2016 by Home'scool 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Yeah that's what I thought. Sigh. This hypothetical husband has a real hypothetical time taking 100% responsibility for everything. Anything that goes wrong is never just his fault, someone else has to be dragged into it too. Really glad this hypothetical wife will be moving out in 2 weeks and this all should be over soon! Well tell her *hugs* and I'm sorry. If this came about after the fact of the divorce (the divorce being technically final before it is on paper), it would hurt, but I wouldn't consider that the same as if this came about prior. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Yeah that's what I thought. Sigh. This hypothetical husband has a real hypothetical time taking 100% responsibility for everything. Anything that goes wrong is never just his fault, someone else has to be dragged into it too. Really glad this hypothetical wife will be moving out in 2 weeks and this all should be over soon - hypothetically :) !! I hope this hypothetical wife has gotten very good legal advice regarding moving out of the house before the divorce is final. Because I know of some not-so-hypothetical situations where the wife ended up being totally screwed by that. :sad: 36 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 So, I sincerely hope that the hypothetical non-cheating spouse has talked with a divorce attorney about the possible legal ramifications of being the one to move out. And that said non-cheating spouse doesn't believe what his/her cheating spouse has said about when the affair began and has taken precautions and hunted for assets the cheating spouse may have hidden away rather than relying on cheating spouse's honesty and good will. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I hope this hypothetical wife has gotten very good legal advice regarding moving out of the house before the divorce is final. Because I know of some not-so-hypothetical situations where the wife ended up being totally screwed by that. :sad: This. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 If both parties consider this marriage to be 100% over and are only living together as they wait for the divorce paperwork to finalize, I wouldn't even consider this an affair. it sounds like both parties have moved on emotionally but they are just waiting for the legal process to end. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 FWIW, my sister was in this situation. the contested divorce proceedings took over two years. During that time her then husband met another woman. I never understood her breakdown over this, they hadn't spoken for years and didn't share a room for years even before the proceedings started. And the divorce was, in fact, already in process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Ya know, hypothetically, this is still against forum rules. I hope you have a lawyer and some real life friends to talk to. Or maybe find a support group? Best wishes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) That doesn't make sense. First, the marriage -- for all intent and purposes -- is over. That decision was made already. They happened to be sharing the same home still while paperwork was being finished. Assuming his affair came after the agreed decision to end the marriage, then mostly it's just rude and tacky. It is the not wife's fault. I imagine there is more to the story though? Maybe it was the wife who wanted the divorce in the first place, and the husband is trying to get back at her/blame her? Or the husband holds a lot of bitterness toward her, and blames her for everything that went wrong in their marriage. ETA: Oops, I should have read all the responses first. Edited March 9, 2016 by J-rap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) If the marriage was considered over by both parties, then it's not the wife's fault or responsibility. If the marriage was not considered over by both parties, then it's not the wife's fault or responsibility. It's just not her fault or responsibility; husand just needs to accept responsibility for this one. Give your friend a hug for me. :grouphug: Edited March 9, 2016 by trulycrabby 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) IMHO, if they have yet to file for divorce, it's still considered an affair. Definitely in bad form. No, of course the non-cheating spouse is not to blame. Anybody who even implies that is crazy. If the husband can't keep it in his pants for a few months, then he has issues. Jerk, well a hypothetical jerk, at least. Edited March 9, 2016 by umsami 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 IMHO, if they have yet to file for divorce, it's still considered an affair. Definitely in bad form. No, of course the non-cheating spouse is not to blame. Anybody who even implies that is crazy. If the husband can't keep it in his pants for a few months, then he has issues. Jerk, well a hypothetical jerk, at least. And it is highly likely this hypothetical husband was already in an affair and the reason he wanted a divorce. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 The fault for what purposes? Moral high ground? Higher being? My state is a no fault divorce state when it comes to assets so whose "fault" it is doesn't matter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't consider it an affair exactly, EDITED TO ADD: assuming it started after they agreed to divorce but I would consider it horrendously bad judgement on his part. EDITED TO ADD: I would also assume the affair was going on before the spouses started discussing divorce so it was probably a straight up affair then. No one is responsible for someone else's affair. That's crazy talk. Edited March 9, 2016 by Homeschool Mom in AZ 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 And it is highly likely this hypothetical husband was already in an affair and the reason he wanted a divorce. Uh yeah. I would be extremely surprised if that were not the case. I mean really you just end this long marriage and before the ink is dry you get into a relationship with someone? And it's the sort of relationship where they text little "have a nice day sweetheart" messages? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 ??? I don't consider that an affair. I consider it unwise timing, tacky, and immature but not an affair. Marriage is not a piece of paper. That said, I find the question bizarre. The people involved in the relationship are the responsible parties. It isn't an affair because the marriage was already declared over despite the fact that the details are still being worked out, and especially so due to the fact that the dissolution of the marriage was agreed upon by both spouses. I agree with Joanne. As for the relationship that has ensued, that is the responsibility only of the two individuals involved. Now, I would consider it the height of immaturity if they were flaunting it in the other spouse's face, sleeping together in the shared home, introducing the partner to children and what not etc., and if I were the other spouse, would not be happy with such stupid immaturity. But the reality is anger or any consequence other than breach of relationship with kids or relatives, is not appropriate because the marriage was already over. I do admit that for the other spouse, it may be painful to see the other person move on so quickly. But that pain is because the ex has moved ahead not because there was an affair. You can't cheat on someone who has already severed the relationship, and the description is that of a marriage that had already been mutually ended. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Depends. When did the affair start? And what was the reasoning for divorce? Irreconcilable differences? Or spouse wanting to be with someone else? I would certainly start to feel much differently about the situation if this were the case. I'd be angry that my spouse potentially put me in danger and broke what I'd consider a legal contract. I know I'm probably sounding insanely goofy by wording it that way, but yes if someone marries me they have made a promise not to cheat on me. This may not change the fact the marriage is over, but I'm not going to feel so willing to be equitable. If this relationship started before they agreed to dissolve the marriage, that's different. But the way it is presented is that it began after the marriage was agreed to be over and while they are just waiting on paperwork. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I don't think it is cheating now. I think it was cheating if it started before the agreement to end the marriage. I do think it makes me suspicious about the good intentions and honesty of the man, as he enters divorce proceedings. He is already moving on and thinking about what he wants and needs for HIS future. I share concerns about moving, etc, bc I think this is probably not really a divorce where both sides are going in to be fair. I think the side who has already moved on mentally is just pretending. And why would I judge him harshly in this way? Bc his character in already dating another woman and not mentioning it shows his character. Even if it is not cheating, it is the kind of information that I think would be good to share. Like -- just so you know, I am starting dating again. I think it is suspicious that he did not do that (give the heads up). 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Every guy (or gal) who has ever screwed around has claimed he isn't "really" married and they don't "really" have a "true" marriage. What crap. If they are married, then it's an affair. The end. Good lawyer for her I hope. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I find the question odd. Why would the wife have any responsibility for this other relationship? The couple decided the marriage is over. He's moved on to someone else. That's his and his lover's responsibility. No one else's. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 If this relationship started before they agreed to dissolve the marriage, that's different. But the way it is presented is that it began after the marriage was agreed to be over and while they are just waiting on paperwork. Yeah it could be, but I was not sure. Thinking about this some more though, I bet it started before they agreed to dissolve the marriage. I know some people move on quickly, but that would be VERY quickly. In another thread the hypothetical spouse found out about the affair after seeing a text message. It was something like I hope you have a nice day honey. That's not the sort of thing most people say after a few dates. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Every guy (or gal) who has ever screwed around has claimed he isn't "really" married and they don't "really" have a "true" marriage. And, "My wife doesn't understand me." Classic. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Let us assume a couple is getting divorced. They have decided that the reasons for the dissolution of the marriage are to be share 50/50 between spouses so no one spouse is more of a "bad guy" than the other. The couple is working towards the divorce by finding attorneys, etc., but the process takes time. In this time period they are still living together, still legally married, but are in full agreement that the marriage is over. The husband starts a relationship with another person. They are sleeping together. Is that "affair" partly the responsibility of the wife? As in, can everything that results from the marriage falling apart (ie, this affair) be attributed at least partly to the wife because she was partly responsible for the relationship being over, or does the husband own his actions completely on his own? Just interested in hearing what people think ..... Jean said it best, but I'll just chime in. No. Every adult is responsible for their own decisions. Even in the case that both partners agreed to have an open legal marriage during the separation pre-divorce period, either partner starting a new relationship during that period would be fully responsible for starting that relationship. I say this as someone whose husband said he wanted a divorce but who did not agree to sign for over one year when I started the process (mainly to ensure child support). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I hope this hypothetical wife has gotten very good legal advice regarding moving out of the house before the divorce is final. Because I know of some not-so-hypothetical situations where the wife ended up being totally screwed by that. :sad: Crap! This! Please advise her to think twice about this and to arrange to stay until she has it in writing that half of it is hers! She can't abandon him and the house. There are not enough exclamation points for this. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) If the union between the husband and wife has been for all intents and purposes dissolved, and the delay in attaining the actual paperwork is due to the husband and wife working for a fair division of marital assets, one of the two seeking companionship isn't a completely horrible thing. In a perfect world, the paperwork would be completed first. The new relationship being established after the practical dissolution of the relationship doesn't say "affair" to me. An affair is where one spouse is invested in the marriage and has no idea the relationship has been broken. This is my stance. In total honestly, I met my now DH before the paperwork was finished in my divorce from my ex. I had moved out, and had my ex not been extremely slow in filling out every single piece of paper work AND my county not changed it's policy on mediation without notifying me, after we'd already filed all our paperwork, leaving it stuck in limbo until I finally tracked down the problem, I certainly would have already been divorced. It took over a year, and it was all due to paperwork issues, not because we were fighting anything, or trying to stay together. I don't consider myself to have had an affair. My ex was aware I was dating, there was no deceit. Edited to add: I do think there is a difference between two people discussing divorce who haven't filed, and are still sharing a bedroom, and my situation where we had already moved out (he had an apartment, I was living with my parents, we were both out of the family home and it was on the market), had separate lives, and all paperwork had been filed. We were just waiting for the official word from the court. Edited March 9, 2016 by ktgrok 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I hope the wife has the mental fortitude to ignore the husband's ridiculous assigning of blame--which is really interesting in that presumably he doesn't think what he is doing is wrong, BUT he assigns blame for it--pretty inconsistent. And I hope the wife has the brilliance to stay in place until she gets what she is owed out of the property settlement, no matter how much she wants to move on and leave this all behind, despite her husband's poor behavior and unreasonable pressure. If she can hear him as 'wwah wah wah' like teachers in Peanuts, and if she can regard his words as mostly business negotiations rather than relational communications (because he has clearly chosen not to be in this relationship, a long time ago), then she might be able to rise above the relationship stuff and focus on the business end, which will serve her and their children far better in the long run. Smiling but a bit detached, like Mona Lisa, would serve her well as the attitude to take, for the sake of her sanity (since she is clearly being gas lit) and for the sake of her financial future. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I like that Carol, the Wah, Wah, Wah of Peanuts! Brilliant! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 This is my stance. In total honestly, I met my now DH before the paperwork was finished in my divorce from my ex. I had moved out, and had my ex not been extremely slow in filling out every single piece of paper work AND my county not changed it's policy on mediation without notifying me, after we'd already filed all our paperwork, leaving it stuck in limbo until I finally tracked down the problem, I certainly would have already been divorced. It took over a year, and it was all due to paperwork issues, not because we were fighting anything, or trying to stay together. I don't consider myself to have had an affair. My ex was aware I was dating, there was no deceit. This seems reasonable to me, and I would not assume you had an affair while still married. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 :grouphug: Hypothetical or not, get legal advice now and start the legal paper trail. Even a legal consult is a paper trail. For moving out, it can be treated as abandonment by the leaving spouse except for domestic violence case. One of my uncle is a wife beater. If there is a need to move out, have legal separation paperwork filed. Do you mean that the hypothetical spouse who didn't cheat deserves more than 50% because the cheating spouse is the one who ruined the marriage? Meaning this action has changed the amicable nature of the agreement to divorce? Yes, it affects alimony. Also divorce filed on the grounds of adultery can speed up the legal process of finalizing the divorce if uncontested. From NOLO "Why choose a fault divorce? Some people don't want to wait out the period of separation required by their state's law for a no fault divorce. And, in some states, a spouse who proves the other's fault may receive a greater share of the marital property or more alimony." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 This seems reasonable to me, and I would not assume you had an affair while still married. Thank you. I've had people say otherwise :( As an aside, lawyer or not, you have to stay on top of divorce stuff! When we filed no mediation was required if it was an uncontested divorce. You simply filed, and then in a few months you would have a court date and the judge would stamp it. Easy. Except AFTER we'd filed the paperwork, they changed it in that one courthouse, so that anyone with kids had to do mediation. The only reason I found out is that after several months with not getting a court date, and getting the run around, someone in the courthouse took pity on me and tracked down my documents sitting in someone's in box. She explained the new rule, got us a mediation date, we went (which was dumb...we showed up with everything already agreed to, in writing, but still had to pay the stupid mediator), and then got to wait all over again at the back of the line for a court date. If I hadn't kept calling and trying to find someone to tell me something more than "it takes a while to get a court date...you will get a letter eventually" I'd still probably be married to him! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 This is my stance. In total honestly, I met my now DH before the paperwork was finished in my divorce from my ex. I had moved out, and had my ex not been extremely slow in filling out every single piece of paper work AND my county not changed it's policy on mediation without notifying me, after we'd already filed all our paperwork, leaving it stuck in limbo until I finally tracked down the problem, I certainly would have already been divorced. It took over a year, and it was all due to paperwork issues, not because we were fighting anything, or trying to stay together. I don't consider myself to have had an affair. My ex was aware I was dating, there was no deceit. Edited to add: I do think there is a difference between two people discussing divorce who haven't filed, and are still sharing a bedroom, and my situation where we had already moved out (he had an apartment, I was living with my parents, we were both out of the family home and it was on the market), had separate lives, and all paperwork had been filed. We were just waiting for the official word from the court. Yeah, but you wouldn't call fault on the person who is not engaging in the affair or whatever you want to call it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Every guy (or gal) who has ever screwed around has claimed he isn't "really" married and they don't "really" have a "true" marriage. What crap. If they are married, then it's an affair. The end. Good lawyer for her I hope. So true. Often times the cheater forgets to tell the spouse that the marriage is over. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Both people are 100% responsible for their marriage to each other. The person cheating is 100% responsible for the affair/going outside the marriage. This is probably a bad example, but what if two teams were playing baseball (or basketball or whatever). Both play hard. It is near the end of the game. Is it ok for one side to start cheating before the end of the game, since the 'game is almost over anyway' & even if there's no chance of changing the final outcome? Imo, it is not ok & is not moral or acceptable behavior within the rules of the game (unless both marriage partners have previously decided between themselves/together that is ok for the marriage partner to go on to someone else while paperwork is being finished; if this was not previously discussed & agreed upon, it is a no-go, imo). Does that make sense? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Yeah, but you wouldn't call fault on the person who is not engaging in the affair or whatever you want to call it. Fault wouldn't even come in to play. Do I fault my ex in my divorce? Yes. But my decisions after we split are mine and mine alone. He doesn't deserve any more credit than that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Fault and blame seem pointless in this situation, but yes it would change the tone of the divorce. I would no longer trust that he is going to be fair. This is not to say I'd go crazy in an attempt to get back at him. That's pointless too. I guess I'd just proceed with caution rather than assume it'll work out in the way discussed because he has proven he is not trust worthy. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinivanMom Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Hypothetical spouse needs a lawyer. Please do not move out of the home without consulting a lawyer first. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Fault and blame seem pointless in this situation, but yes it would change the tone of the divorce. I would no longer trust that he is going to be fair. This is not to say I'd go crazy in an attempt to get back at him. That's pointless too. I guess I'd just proceed with caution rather than assume it'll work out in the way discussed because he has proven he is not trust worthy. Very well said. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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