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kfeusse

I get so depressed reading some posts on this board....

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When I hear those in real life, its because the speaker wants to be helpful, thinks the provided instruction was sufficient, but doesnt have time to dig into it and unravel the trouble. So, they have no clues to get you started. I take it the same on the internet; the person is acknowledging your request for help and sharing that they cant help.

 

I guess in my mind it would be sufficient to say, "I'm sorry I can't help. I'll give the thread a bump and wish you the best!" Or even "Our experience was different, so I'm no help, but I'll give the thread a bump and wish you the best!"

 

I think, too, it depends on context. Is the poster (general, not this thread) asking for general experience with the program or topic to see if their family's experience is typical? Or is the poster literally at wit's end and in total despair ready to give up with feelings of total and complete failure? 

Edited by Woodland Mist Academy
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Yes, and many times there isnt enough detail in the original post to tell, so the response is detailed enough to cover a few possibilities.

 

I figure from the op here that the friends of the child are possibly accelerated in math if they are 15 and already have finished. The average child in my district is finishing the second year of Alg. 1 sophomore year, although the district is trying to schedule double period classes so they finish freshman year. Either way, they take two class periods for one year each to finish. And we have december cutoff, so redshirts are 15 as freshmen. Dont have enough info to tell what the circumstance is, but the child would be normal here.

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First let me thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement. I do really appreciate it.

 

Second let me say that this thread was not started because someone was sharing a proud moment with their child. You should be proud and you should feel free to share it.

 

What makes this hard for me is that in certain areas...like math my kids are behind because we had about two years where we were floundering looking for a program that would work for us. Now my kids know that they are behind because the kids in the neighborhood talk about school in front of them out with them. I know it's more important that my kids have a good solid base regardless of how long it takes but try telling that too am almost 16 year old still struggling with algebra 1 while all the other kids her age are much further along. She feels dumb and that doesn't help her attitude or her confidence.

 

It will be ok in the end...that I know...it's just getting there.

 

Thanks again for all the hugs and kind words.

 

:grouphug:

 

Two things from the board have come to my mind lately. Someone posted (I think last year) that her theme song for college application time was "Wake Me Up"  (Wake me up when it's all over...when I'm wiser and I'm older...) and just keep swimming. 

 

I don't want to wish these years away, but sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball to reassure me that it would all turn out OK in the end.  There have been many days when I truly wonder...

 

Just keep swimming...

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I was reading some sort of AP thread and a TON of posters talked about their middle schoolers taking AP tests or their middle schoolers doing SAT subjects tests.

:grouphug:

Those threads were on the accelerated board if I didn't remember wrong being now half awake and waiting for the caffeine effect to kick in.

 

Coming from an exam crazy country and now in a test prep crazy region, kids in public/private B&M schools do go for SAT and AP test prep afterschool. It is just gaming the system.

 

Basis (private) here have kids take their first AP in 8th grade to wet their feet.

 

I have a kid with photographic memory. His history test scores reflect his ability to memorise and regurgitate.

 

ETA:

The SAT latin one was in the high school board but I dont think the OP of that thread intend for anyone to feel bad or behind.

That is why I remove my kids age from the signature again.

 

My kids are behind in their native language :P

Edited by Arcadia
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This year tie shoes seem to be the most popular.  I could not find anything else for my older kid.  I'm referring to sneakers.  He doesn't want to wear other types of shoes.

 

Totally OT, but if you like the shoes but not the laces ... just buy a pack of no-tie lock-laces & put them on your kid's shoes. This is just one type. I get 'em in a five pack. I know how to tie my shoes, but I have these on my running shoes. They keep my shoes nice & tight, but I don't have laces flopping all over the place.

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I've been reading threads lately, too, and getting nervous.  I was reading some sort of AP thread and a TON of posters talked about their middle schoolers taking AP tests or their middle schoolers doing SAT subjects tests.  I was starting to despair.  I mean, my kid is in middle school and he...takes middle school level classes. 

 

And my 5th grader takes 4th grade math!  Oh no!!

 

It made me wonder a few things: are AP tests so easy that middle schoolers can do them?  or Are the kids in those threads true geniuses?  Probably geniuses.  And they probably homeschool because they are so smart and regular schools can't accomodate.  I know that logically, but it can be a sinking feeling when all you hear is about kids who are in college at age 11 or 12 when your 13 year old is still in middle school.  :)

 

There are certain AP exams I could have passed easily in middle school.  AP music theory, being one. There are others I wouldn't have been able to (AP Biology, for example). If there is a subject a child has been immersed in, or studied for a long period of time, absolutely possible.  There are also many AP exams that most middle schoolers wouldn't be able to touch -- except for the exceptionally bright ones.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your middle schooler taking middle school classes.  Or you meeting your child's educational needs wherever they may be.

 

I struggle looking at my oldest knowing where he "could have been" by this point.  But, the interest and drive was not there.  All the pushing in the world wouldn't have made him ready for that course load.  He's still "ahead" -- but not without schooling year-round, taking Algebra 1 twice AND Algebra 2 twice.  

 

There are very few kiddos who are truly ready for college at 11, 12, or 13, even 14, 15 and 16!  Most of the kiddos I know who graduated early did not take accelerated course work at home, they did a very basic high-school level work, and schooled year-round.  Our homeschool looks nothing like that.  

 

Yes, I am teaching my kids to be adults -- but that doesn't have to happen on an accelerated time table just because the academics are there.  IME, there is no benefit to early graduation and acceleration *unless* the child is pushing for it.  If the child has interests outside of academics, I haven't seen them push for it.  If they are only driven to learn and push themselves, that is a whole 'nother story.

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I don't compare, but I do make academic goals that I think are appropriate for high school, then I make sure that I have the tools etc. to meet those goals.  For example, if Alg. 1 in 9th grade is the goal, then mastery of fractions and decimals in 7th, mastery of pre-alg. in 8th then Alg. 1 in 9th.  If I can't do those things, then I outsource.  Same for writing.  Goal=3-5 page well written paper on a high school level book by the end of 9th grade.  I begin working on writing skills to meet that goal in 6th grade. 

I do make sure that my kids are getting at least what they would get in a public school setting.  I do think it is unfair for a child to not get to do upper level math (or literature, or writing ) because the parents have not been diligently teaching them all along OR, the parent hates Algebra and doesn't teach it.   

If I had a child that absolutely would not put in effort for me despite major changes (e.g,., taking away all electronics for months), then I would enroll them in school somewhere.

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:grouphug:

Those threads were on the accelerated board if I didn't remember wrong being now half awake and waiting for the caffeine effect to kick in.

 

Coming from an exam crazy country and now in a test prep crazy region, kids in public/private B&M schools do go for SAT and AP test prep afterschool. It is just gaming the system.

 

Basis (private) here have kids take their first AP in 8th grade to wet their feet.

 

I have a kid with photographic memory. His history test scores reflect his ability to memorise and regurgitate.

 

ETA:

The SAT latin one was in the high school board but I dont think the OP of that thread intend for anyone to feel bad or behind.

That is why I remove my kids age from the signature again.

 

My kids are behind in their native language :P

 

 

Oh! It was on the accelerated board! Well, now it makes sense. I usually stay away from there because my kid isn't accelerated so the posts there don't often apply to me. I must have been there by accident. Thanks for letting me know.

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Me too. Can we form a group for teaching our 10 year olds to ride a bike?? 

Oh and we still don't tie shoes either--haven't needed to get tie shoes yet. Need to work on that also.

 

It's tremendous how much guilt I pour on myself about these things.

:iagree:

I need that---my 10-year-old rarely wears tie shoes (due to sensory issues he practically lives in Crocs), but those handful of times a year he does, tying them is a big production and he doesn't seem to get it no matter how many times I do it with him.

 

And bike-riding.  Yes---it took a long time just for him to get the hang of a scooter.  He hasn't ridden a "bike" since he outgrew his Big Wheel.

 

Taking the pedals off is an interesting idea that I might try when the snow melts.  We have a couple of older bikes he's too big for with the pedals on, but they would probably be perfect balance bikes.

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OP-try to focus on the kids in front of you rather than what others are saying about their own children.  Everyone has their own unique learning journey so it would be unfair to compare them.  Use your time wisely, invest your energy in providing the best for your family.  Wishing you a great school year!

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I love hearing what the advanced kids are working on. I certainly don't think they should post less. But I love reading about the average kids, too. After all, most kids are average.

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Totally OT, but if you like the shoes but not the laces ... just buy a pack of no-tie lock-laces & put them on your kid's shoes. This is just one type. I get 'em in a five pack. I know how to tie my shoes, but I have these on my running shoes. They keep my shoes nice & tight, but I don't have laces flopping all over the place.

 

This is what I did.  I got something like that (not exactly, but same idea).

 

I did show him.  He can mostly do it, but he is the same.  He hates his laces flapping around.  He prefers to be able to just slip them on and off.

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Sometimes when I come across as Debbie Downer in a thread about Latin or some other topic, it's because I want to share our experience. For us Latin sometimes consumed the entire day (typically because my kids had put off their translation until too close to the due date)

 

Similarly physics first was a total bust and almost derailed homeschooling altogether. My kids weren't automatic enough in their algebra abilities.

 

It's easier to post a lot when you are planning a subject out. It's less enticing to come back and say things didn't come off as planned. If I do post about our hard spots it may come off as not being supportive of someone else's plan. And to be honest I can't know all the details at someone else's house. Maybe their kid is completely ready for physics. Or maybe my experience will warn them of pitfalls so they can be more successful than we were.

Ooo yes, let me add to that. AP Computer Science looks so impressive for my 10th grader. But my really bright boy has had to work his you know what off. Writing code is not "easy" for him. His friends taking the class are flying through it. His writing a good at this point, but takes him HOURS. He is ahead in math and that looks super impressive, but I SO regret moving him ahead. He is young for his grade and needed more maturity than I expected. Now I feel *caught* and like I can't slow down without it looking bad. He hates learning a foreign language and only works at it b/c Fernando in Guatamala will be skyping twice a week and he doesn't want to be humiliated. ACK!

 

We need to remember that every child and family on here is human and we are all different and we don't know the whole story. Ds's friends who are flying through the Comp Sci have other struggles that he doesn't have.

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Teaching the student I have and not the student I imagine or desire has been one of the greatest and most humbling challenges of high school. Admittedly, I am only in the first 7 months of that endeavor, so there could be other greater challenges lurking around the corner, just don't tell me about those right now.  :willy_nilly:

 

I will absolutely admit that I have read and planned our academic path based on what I have read others have done. There are a number of intelligent, thoughtful and considerate parents on this board who have generated amazing class ideas and studies for their students; I absolutely look up to them. When you look up to someone, you often incorporate pieces of inspiration you have gleaned from them. I can also say, planning our path and making choices on what other people have done has not been good for our school or my emotional health. 

 

High school is a bit of a lonely island for many of us. Being able to come together virtually with like minded parents from all over is such a huge boon to the home educating world, but it is also a huge curse. Never before have some many people had access to how other people are homeschooling. It is hard for me to keep my vision for our school and life amidst the cacophony of voices, even if those voices hold beautiful truths. But we each carry a vision of our own truth and I know we work pretty darn hard every day toward that vision. Is it perfect? Nope. Could I push more? Yep. Do I get plagued by all that has not been accomplished? You betcha. But, at the end of the day the race is only with ourselves.. We each have our own line to add to the story, and I try to remember that I am working toward my children finding their voice and writing their line in due time. 

 

 

Edited by AppleGreen
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I *do* like the planning threads... as a new homeschooler there are SO MANY resources and curricula and books, etc. that I've NEVER heard of. I find the list of "we're using X for subject" helpful in doing some research sometimes. (Sometimes I get lost in the endless abbreviations!) Even though I feel like I'm posting the most boring, average high school list compared to some of the others!

 

Deicentra's big Biology thread up above is how I found Well Trained Mind in the first place! And how I found the textbook we use for biology :)

 

Someone suggesting the MFW lesson plans for Algebra 1 has saved my kid from endless tedium and tears and battles... once I figured out what MFW stood for :P

 

My rising-sixth grader is considered HG. We're bringing him home from public school in the fall. I was pretty shocked when I gave him the Saxon middle grades placement test that it suggested pre-Algebra or possibly Algebra 1 for him. I don't really know any 6th graders in Algebra (oh wait... I was one! forever and a year ago), and honestly that wouldn't have even been an option for him in our public middle school -- they'd just have accelerated him into 6th honors... not into the equivalent of 8th. Seeing that others are in the same place is sort of reassuring and grounding at the same time. Every book I've assigned my 9th grader, the youngest has read... and read faster and for more depth... and some books that I didn't intend him to read right away (this is a kid who could survive as an unschooler on strewing alone -- if I leave a book, magazine,movie, etc. where he can access it he does.) He watched a couple of Crash Course econ videos with his brother... decided he was interested in working through econ and tackled the Khan academy econ classes (which are at a higher level of econ than the CC)... He can code better than his Physics major college-aged brother, completely self-taught.  When it comes time to teach him at a higher level I am going to be glad that there are even more advanced 12 year olds around to get ideas from!

 

 

Edited by theelfqueen
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When we first started homeschooling I wasn't around any real life homeschoolers. We were overseas in a country were host nation families couldn't choose homeschooling. We were hours from any base with other US homeschoolers.

 

When we moved back to the US, dh told me that I was going to be around other homeschoolers, even families we knew and loved, who would be doing things differently. And that was OK. Our homeschool did t have to look just like theirs.

 

In fact our homeschool doesn't look the same for my youngest as it does for my older two. Our family is in a different place (physically and emotionally). My youngest will be an only child at home during his high school years. That will mark a huge change.

 

We have been very nomadic. I can't express how lonely it felt to be the mom of the only new Cub Scout in a den of kids who had been together every week for five years. Most of them never even learned my kids name. I know they did t mean to wound, but it still weighed on me.

 

I don't think people mean to cause hurt with posts here. Most are trying to help. Some don't realize how their words come across. Some just haven't dealt with a challenging kid or academic setbacks. (For those few posters who are abrasive, I have the ignore list. I usually still read their posts but at least I have a quick reminder that I've found them unhelpful in the past.)

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I guess in my mind it would be sufficient to say, "I'm sorry I can't help. I'll give the thread a bump and wish you the best!" Or even "Our experience was different, so I'm no help, but I'll give the thread a bump and wish you the best!"

 

I think, too, it depends on context. Is the poster (general, not this thread) asking for general experience with the program or topic to see if their family's experience is typical? Or is the poster literally at wit's end and in total despair ready to give up with feelings of total and complete failure?

I almost posted a response to a question about a curriculum on the LC board. I just go through New Content and that gives me all forums. If I didn't catch it, I might have responded like I was on the K-8 board without even realizing it was on the LC board. I'm sure that's happened to others.

 

ETA it's a lot easier to do when you are not on a desktop.

Edited by Plum Crazy
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I almost posted a response to a question about a curriculum on the LC board. I just go through New Content and that gives me all forums. If I didn't catch it, I might have responded like I was on the K-8 board without even realizing it was on the LC board. I'm sure that's happened to others.

 

ETA it's a lot easier to do when you are not on a desktop.

 

I'm not sure I understand. Doesn't someone having a rough spell need some compassion no matter where the post is? 

 

ETA: Maybe we are referring to different type of posts.

Edited by Woodland Mist Academy
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I have two kids. They are different. I try not to compare them. I certainly don't want to do so. And I try not to compare them to others. Because that is just a recipe for discontent for me. Similar to looking at houses and deciding to look at one that would be tough to afford.  Just don't do it.

 

I try to be happy with others when their kids are doing amazing things. I know I want people to be happy with me if my kid does something amazing and I chose to share it. I don't want them to feel bad because it isn't something their kid hasn't done/achieved - and nor do I want you to one-up my kid's amazing accomplishment.  Just be happy with me, and I'll try to do the same thing with you! Because if your kid had done something amazing, it does *not* mean my kid is dumb or behind or a slacker. He is just my kid and he is still just as special to me as he was before. (Yes, I've spent many an hour trying to convince my children of this if the other gets an honor or award or praise! I imagine I have many hours left to work to talk about this.)

 

I'll also try to sympathize with you when your kid is causing you trouble or heartache or distress. Please do the same for me.

 

 

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Just musing on the gifted/non-gifted, people's feelings thing.

 

I know that personally, I've been more (inadvertently) hurtful as the mom of a gifted kid.

 

I've been more sensitive as the mom of an ordinary kid. 

 

It's my opinion that whatever mom we are, we need to be more aware of the people we are sharing with/talking to. 

 

As mom of a gifted kid I was pretty caught up in gifted issues. I wish I could go back in time and change many conversations, explanations etc. I wish I could go back and find appropriate people to share those things with, or learn how to share about giftedness and achievements in a more sensitive manner.

 

As mom of an ordinary kid, I work hard on remembering that when my friends with gifted kids share, its not to slam my kid. I work hard on appreciating their children and their achievements. I work hard on owning my feelings of inferiority. 

 

 

 

 

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ETA: Maybe we are referring to different type of posts.

Probably. I tend to wander off. :blush:

 

What I'm trying to say is that say I accidentally responded to a curriculum question on the LC or AL board with a response based on my experience. It might be received differently on either board than on the K-8 board. Worse, I end up not contributing anything of value to them and instead I give inappropriate advice because I don't realize what board I'm on. SMH

 

I would never respond to anyone's thread about their struggles with a "Really? My kids found that easy." So I'm safe there.

 

There have been times where I read my old posts and I wonder who is this lady?! I feel I've come a long way. It's important to remember some of us are just beginning their homeschool journey and I'm so grateful you were patient with me.

 

I'm all for supporting each other. We all have our struggles. This can be a tough and lonely road since no two kids just as no two homeschools are the same. We are all in this together, so I do try to be helpful when I can.

 

Personally, I'm fascinated by education in general. I love hearing about other kids highs and lows because I want to know how you worked around their strengths and weaknesses. I'm always looking to improve what I'm doing.

 

I have a pair of opposites that I teach together. It's a challenge to keep them both working to their ability. One LOVES to read aloud and throws a fit when it is the other's turn and one hates to read everything but what they choose. One is a natural speller and the other is still in Apples and Pears Book A. One has excellent reading and listening comprehension and the other still need work. One picks up on math easily and the other freezes up and forgets the basics. I could go on and on. Ugh. They finally stopped comparing each other and have learned to start helping each other. My perfectionist has trouble accepting help, but least it is offered and usually taken up on.

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He looked at me like I had two heads and said, "She still watches My Little Pony. Do you think she's mature enough to be in college?" I realized then that I was getting too caught up in expecting my dd to be something she's not, and that I was allowing the 9th grade thread to interfere with what I know is best for my child.

 

I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but thanks so much for saying this. <3

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Probably OT and probably a tomato magnet but I wanted to give some encouragement on the shoes/cycling/pony worries...

 

I see kids in DS's college wearing Crocs to class. I see kids with those lace-alternatives on their shoes. Kids wearing shorts that I wouldn't allow my DS to wear and one kid in the university where DS takes a math class who apparently also wears pants that look very much like pajamas. We think kids would know all these things or leave childish things behind when they are ready for college but why do we think college is some perfect world? I drive DS to class every single morning and see these things. I wouldn't condone my DS wearing pajamas to class but there really isn't anything wrong with decent looking Crocs or not being able to tie your shoe laces or loving My Little Pony. Mine still has a thing for his canine soft toy. I seriously don't think the profs or graduate student instructors even care. It's when these things interfere with your ability to take a college class and succeed that it becomes an issue. Pajama boy obviously ticked me off but shoe lace-less boy could be extremely polite and good with his time management and maybe a real hard worker and a role model to his classmates for his work ethic, who knows?

 

I didn't wait till DS could tie his shoe laces when he started classes at the community college. About a year later, he ran out of laceless shoe size options and had no choice but to wear shoes with laces and he learned to tie them that way. There were so many mornings when I would just go out and wait in the car so I wouldn't be tempted to show my impatience or hover while he figured it out. All the youtube videos in the world couldn't help him do what his brain was not yet ready to do. I have waited in the car for 15-20 minutes without him figuring it out. We've been almost late so many times because of those darn shoes. But you know what? He eventually learned to tie them because it finally clicked. And even after that it wasn't perfect but it was something he just had to keep doing over and over every single day for it to click. No we were not willing to invest on those lace zippy thingies just yet. This was a hurdle and he wanted to fight it and get over it. But there's also nothing wrong with using those lace zippy thingies someone linked. He can finally tie the compostable trash bags we use too, thank goodness, but still can't open a bag of chips without the chips tumbling all over the floor.

 

If a need is there you provide to the need and if the need is strong enough (barring learning differences) the kid will figure it out. The kid can still be human and love his/ her toys or legos or ponies or have trouble with his shoes. :001_wub: I think it just makes them more lovable and compassionate human beings.

 

I think and hope that DS will be a great dad when it's time for his kids to learn to tie their shoes. He knows first hand how it feels not being able to do something that comes so easily to many of his friends.

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Yeah I didn't post there either. My oldest got some acceptances to more selective schools and chose the cheaper state school because 1) his ROTC scholarship paid for everything there and he would have had a gap at some of the other schools and 2) that's where his girlfriend (now fiancee) was going. We had mixed feelings about the decision and our IRL friends were shocked that we "allowed" him to turn down the 'better' school. We had to explain that among other things a full ROTC scholarship required joining the Air Force aka he's a grown up.

 

Oh well he'll come out with a degree, work in his field and no debt... by his own work so uhhh I think that's pretty good.

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I read the college board maybe once in a blue moon, or less.  And I don't think I've ever posted on it.  I recently saw a thread asking how people paid for their kids' college.  It briefly crossed my mind to post on that - before I came to my senses.  The one and only time I said anything about how we pay for college for our kids, there were a few snarky comments.  Lesson learned. 

 

My kids also got into some great colleges.  But the money wasn't there among many other things, so they all ended up at a large, state university.  We had to look at the big picture for our whole family - not just one kid.  And loans are not a part of that picture.  But, to read some posts on these boards sometimes, you'd think we were depriving our kids by not taking out loans so each kid can go to their ideal college, develop all their talents to the max with lessons and anything else out there, etc.  I try to stay away from those kinds of threads.           

 

Yeah I didn't post there either. My oldest got some acceptances to more selective schools and chose the cheaper state school because 1) his ROTC scholarship paid for everything there and he would have had a gap at some of the other schools and 2) that's where his girlfriend (now fiancee) was going. We had mixed feelings about the decision and our IRL friends were shocked that we "allowed" him to turn down the 'better' school. We had to explain that among other things a full ROTC scholarship required joining the Air Force aka he's a grown up.

 

Oh well he'll come out with a degree, work in his field and no debt... by his own work so uhhh I think that's pretty good.

 

SOO sad to hear about the snarky responses to your contribution on a thread, -8 95 -- and theelfqueen, your family's real-life negative response to your DS's choice among several wonderful options. :(

 

And I totally understand not opening or participating on some threads. But just wanted to encourage you that the particular thread on "How are you managing to pay for college" has been a "share ideas" thread, with lots of people from all different situations with a lot of interesting and different solutions. Lots of different post-high school institutions, too. State universities is one option several people have used. And I shared that both of our DSs started at the community college right after high school graduation -- one has gone on to transfer to an in-state 4-year university, the other opted to leave school entirely and focus on working until he figures out what he wants to do, so no selective or specialized or top tier school here! ;)

 

Your experiences are valuable and it would be a blessing to many who are reading these threads now, but also in the future, to hear about both of your family's unique paths. I'm all for supporting one another in whatever way we can -- this administration side of homeschooling high school and being a college counselor is HARD! Congratulations on all the hard work and successes your homeschool graduates are experiencing! :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited by Lori D.
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Yeah I didn't post there either. My oldest got some acceptances to more selective schools and chose the cheaper state school because 1) his ROTC scholarship paid for everything there and he would have had a gap at some of the other schools and 2) that's where his girlfriend (now fiancee) was going. We had mixed feelings about the decision and our IRL friends were shocked that we "allowed" him to turn down the 'better' school. We had to explain that among other things a full ROTC scholarship required joining the Air Force aka he's a grown up.

 

Oh well he'll come out with a degree, work in his field and no debt... by his own work so uhhh I think that's pretty good.

 

When I was agonizing in a similar situation, our piano teacher pointed out that it is very important to let them make the final decision within certain bounds. They have to "own" it.

 

She told the story of a friend of her son's who was a superstar academically and went to a very selective school. He got there and just became unglued. He didn't know what he wanted to study. He didn't feel like he had much in common at all with the other students. He didn't have any money for social things that the others in his dorm did on the weekends. He told our piano teacher's son that he really just wanted to live at home and go to school locally like his friend was.

 

One day the kid showed up at home, having withdrawn himself from the selective school. He parents had a fit, and threw him out. And ever since, he's been somewhat of a lost soul, working various minimum wage jobs and staying with friends.

 

Her point to me was that some do best in a low-cost, local situation regardless of their "potential." That day was the day that I talked to my oldest, and we decided to just have him go locally.

Edited by G5052
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I read the college board maybe once in a blue moon, or less.  And I don't think I've ever posted on it.  I recently saw a thread asking how people paid for their kids' college.  It briefly crossed my mind to post on that - before I came to my senses.  The one and only time I said anything about how we pay for college for our kids, there were a few snarky comments.  Lesson learned. 

 

My kids also got into some great colleges.  But the money wasn't there among many other things, so they all ended up at a large, state university.  We had to look at the big picture for our whole family - not just one kid.  And loans are not a part of that picture.  But, to read some posts on these boards sometimes, you'd think we were depriving our kids by not taking out loans so each kid can go to their ideal college, develop all their talents to the max with lessons and anything else out there, etc.  I try to stay away from those kinds of threads.           

 

 

Yeah I didn't post there either. My oldest got some acceptances to more selective schools and chose the cheaper state school because 1) his ROTC scholarship paid for everything there and he would have had a gap at some of the other schools and 2) that's where his girlfriend (now fiancee) was going. We had mixed feelings about the decision and our IRL friends were shocked that we "allowed" him to turn down the 'better' school. We had to explain that among other things a full ROTC scholarship required joining the Air Force aka he's a grown up.

 

Oh well he'll come out with a degree, work in his field and no debt... by his own work so uhhh I think that's pretty good.

 

There are a lot of posts in that thread promoting non-elite schools and no debt.

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First let me thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement. I do really appreciate it.

 

Second let me say that this thread was not started because someone was sharing a proud moment with their child. You should be proud and you should feel free to share it.

 

What makes this hard for me is that in certain areas...like math my kids are behind because we had about two years where we were floundering looking for a program that would work for us. Now my kids know that they are behind because the kids in the neighborhood talk about school in front of them out with them. I know it's more important that my kids have a good solid base regardless of how long it takes but try telling that too am almost 16 year old still struggling with algebra 1 while all the other kids her age are much further along. She feels dumb and that doesn't help her attitude or her confidence.

 

It will be ok in the end...that I know...it's just getting there.

 

Thanks again for all the hugs and kind words.

 

 

My dd is 16 and still struggling to get through Alg. 1 and she hasn't done Geometry either. She feels dumb too. Thankfully we don't know any kids her age doing Calculus in 9th grade! I keep telling myself that it will be okay in the end. I'm sure it will! but in the meantime, it's hard not to worry. 

 

 

As for algebra 1,  I rather people in general understand the math behind loans and credit card interest and debt than being able to do well for algebra.  I wish people are allowed to use something like principles of accounts for a math credit if they are struggling in algebra. I know many accountants and auditors who are great at what they do but suffered through the more abstract math.

 

YES! I really want to let my dd spend the next two years working on real life math and personal finance instead of slogging through algebra and geometry. It'll serve her so much better! But if she wants to go to a local 4-year college, she has to have the entrance requirements which include alg 1, geo, and alg 2. The only way around this is to go to cc first and take math there. 

 

 

I love the line, "Comparison is the thief of joy."  One thing I used to catch myself doing was looking at the incredibly outstanding thing that different kids were doing and thinking that my kid should also be doing each of those things.  In other words, if Julie was in the youth orchestra, Sara was going to nationals in poetry recitation, and Jimmie was on the state championship robotics team; I felt like my kid should also be doing violin, poetry and robotics.  

 

But that ignores the amount of time and effort that those individual kids spent on their passion to get to that place.

 

I try to honestly assess where my kids are and help them move forward from that place to a higher level.  Our piano is very dusty, but I have a kid that can give an off the cuff half hour explanation of Chinese history and politics.  

 

 

In the psychology class that I'm teaching, we just had a discussion on multiple intelligences. I pointed out that someone who excels in one area, like Michael Jordan in basketball or Oprah Winfrey in public speaking, naturally have less time to spend in other areas. If you devote time to being an top engineer, you likely won't have time to become a concert pianist. You will be lacking in other areas of your life, but that's okay! I feel like our society says that you have to be good at everything. 

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because I feel like either I am not expecting enough of my kids or my kids are't thriving like everybody else's kids are.  I mean, whenever I read threads about "what are you doing in x grade" and I compare our plans to many others, ours seems to always fall short.  Am I doing something wrong?  Are my kids hopelessly behind? What is not happening in our home school that is happening is so many others?

 

Is there anybody here that doesn't have super smart kids or kids that are so motivated to learn at any cost...or are we the only homeschooling family that has kids who struggle...who are not over achievers? 

 

sigh!!

 

I have an amazingly gifted, high-IQ teen.  He's wonderful and I love him.  And he's going to be just about on track with his same aged college peers when he hits 19/20.  I'm confident he was accelerated when appropriate AND slowed down when appropriate.  However, wherever, whenever his needs were met, his needs were met, and it was good.  What it did, does, and will look like on paper doesn't mean anything more than that.

 

My next three kids have their own strengths and weaknesses which may or may not match up with norms.  And it is good.

 

My fifth kid... well, we're pretty sure he's going to be some sort of famous personality some day, so we don't need to worry about academics.  :001_tt2:  ;)

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YES! I really want to let my dd spend the next two years working on real life math and personal finance instead of slogging through algebra and geometry. It'll serve her so much better! But if she wants to go to a local 4-year college, she has to have the entrance requirements which include alg 1, geo, and alg 2. The only way around this is to go to cc first and take math there.

 

I'm going to suggest something, that you may not have considered, because generally people only think that "smart" kids are the only ones who can do this. Or you have to take really advanced coursework.

 

Check both the local college and the CC for their acceptance of the College Math CLEP. College Math is often the lowest math course that non-math/science majors can take to fulfill graduation requirements. If the colleges accept this CLEP, she would not have to take a math course in college at all.

 

I know she is struggling, and feels dumb when it comes to math. I'm not sure if there is a learning issue, or if she is simply so down on herself she just can't pull herself out of the hole. Working on some consumer math may help with that. But I wanted to throw the CLEP option out there, because it does NOT require precalculus or higher. And if it's accepted where she's looking, it could provide some extra motivation...pass this one test, and never take another math course after high school. It will also save some money.

 

I'm not sure what you've tried, I'm not qualified to figure out what your daughter needs to succeed in math, and I don't know what your financial constraints might be. I do know that there are a lot of great people here who will bend over backwards to try to offer you options and support.

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I didn't wait till DS could tie his shoe laces when he started classes at the community college.  ...

 

He can finally tie the compostable trash bags we use too, thank goodness, but still can't open a bag of chips without the chips tumbling all over the floor.

 

If a need is there you provide to the need and if the need is strong enough (barring learning differences) the kid will figure it out. The kid can still be human and love his/ her toys or legos or ponies or have trouble with his shoes. :001_wub: I think it just makes them more lovable and compassionate human beings.

 

I think and hope that DS will be a great dad when it's time for his kids to learn to tie their shoes. He knows first hand how it feels not being able to do somethingWhat comes so easily to many of his friends.

 

I've got one with similar issues.  It helps to know we're not alone.

 

 

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I can't be sure if it is bragging though. Granted, it is an extreme example, but what if my kid will never be able to read? Should I take it as bragging because someone is talking about how their kid learned to read and is delighted by reading?

But if your kid is 10 and can't read then someone saying "we just left ours with lots and lots of books and read aloud times and it happened naturally around three" then that is just not helpful. Is there anyone who doesn't know that one child in that situation is a couple of years behind and the other a couple of years ahead?

 

It's not that such posts should not be made but there are a lot of opportunities to talk about it on threads that are not about remediating a fifth grader.

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But if your kid is 10 and can't read then someone saying "we just left ours with lots and lots of books and read aloud times and it happened naturally around three" then that is just not helpful. Is there anyone who doesn't know that one child in that situation is a couple of years behind and the other a couple of years ahead?

 

It's not that such posts should not be made but there are a lot of opportunities to talk about it on threads that are not about remediating a fifth grader.

It may be intended to be helpful by stating that one needs to provide vocabulary and access to books. Its a bit passive aggressive if the age was mentioned, but the intent may be to say that it only takes three years of parenting if the child is not special needs.I used to have people ask me how my child could read so well. Well, in their culture, conversation with the offspring is not a priority, and neither is read aloud, so its difficult for the student to read by end of grade three, and that is with english as the first language. There is no Royal Road.

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Probably OT and probably a tomato magnet but I wanted to give some encouragement on the shoes/cycling/pony worries...

 

I understand and appreciate what you are saying, but in my post, the ponies reference was shorthand for her general maturity level. It's not really about her academic abilities; it's whether she would integrate successfully in a class of college-age and older students, and I don't think she would. Not at this time, but she probably will in a few years.

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I have been on these boards long enough to enjoy each post, each success, each struggle for what it is.

 

If comparisons are to be made, it wouldn't be to the kids on this board  It would more likely to occur within the family.  But it doesn't.

 

Eight years ago, I came to this board, looking to homeschool my dyslexic middle schooler.  I scoured the threads for help and it was given to me over and over.  For years, I continued to follow those kinds of threads, because I was armed with knowledge and experience.  I wanted nothing more than to help those who were searching for answers for their own children.  Within those threads are tons of success stories - you just have to see it as such.  

 

At the same time, I also have uniquely motivated kids.  Their path was different, not necessarily easier.  I crafted their path with as much gusto as I did the struggling one.

 

I recall being in a public school conference for my "gifted" son.  I was surrounded by teachers and counselors, telling me how incredibly awesome he is.  One teacher even spent $400 of her own money to start a club that he was interested in.  What did I say to this group (as politely as I could, after expressing my gratitude)?

 

"What a shame.  What a shame you didn't give this kind of interest and passion and encouragement to my struggling son.  If only each kid had a cheerleading squad like this, imagine the places he could go."

 

That cheerleading squad?  That's what I am, to all of my kids.  I plan and design for my kids with equal amounts of energy and passion.  I am enthused about everything I do for them.  I enjoy learning right along side of each of them.  

 

I love to "brag" about each of my kids.  As I tell people I meet, when they find out I have six kids, "Yup.  Six kids.  All different.  All awesome."

 

I am so dang proud.

 

 

 

 

Edited by lisabees
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It is hard not to compare, but really it does no one any good.  Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.  In our little family, the academic ability varies quite a bit.  I have one child that I had to practically drag through high school, and the last two years of h.s. were basically box checking.  She was 18.5 when she graduated.  Academics just aren't her thing...she excels at people and friends.  There wasn't an accelerated, rigorous education for her because it would have sucked the life right out of her.  

It has been hard to not compare her to her sisters, who DO have an academic bent.  And even with them, our homeschool probably seems paltry compared to many on this board.  But it works for our family.  

BTW, my 19 year old college student still watches Scooby Doo and Pokemon, and her 22 year old buddy still LOVES My Little Pony :)  He's a Brony..lol.  

 

 

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Okay, all those who say don't compare... you're technically right. But the one of the purposes of the forum is often to get a sense of how we're doing, as a smaller subset of educators. So where are you guys, posting threads about your non-superstars? The problem is those threads just aren't getting posted on the high school forum very often, so the sense of what is average is really skewed. I know you're probably trying to be supportive, but the OP has a legitimate point. I know when my oldest was doing grade 9 at home, I didn't post a lot of info. It just was so off the mark of what is "average" on the HS forum.

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Okay, all those who say don't compare... you're technically right. But the one of the purposes of the forum is often to get a sense of how we're doing, as a smaller subset of educators. So where are you guys, posting threads about your non-superstars? The problem is those threads just aren't getting posted on the high school forum very often, so the sense of what is average is really skewed. I know you're probably trying to be supportive, but the OP has a legitimate point. I know when my oldest was doing grade 9 at home, I didn't post a lot of info. It just was so off the mark of what is "average" on the HS forum.

I think what's hardest for me to see is that curriculum that is fine curriculum gets shot down as "light" as though it is just for the struggling child. Where do you go from there? I think that it would help those whose children who aren't academic superstars if those who have gifted children recognize that their view of "light" is skewed and it may be best to consider their audience (other gifted parents or parents in general) before offering such opinions. It doesn't encourage folks to share if the curriculum their child is doing (and maybe even struggling with) is shot down as light. I have started trying to say what I think in some of the threads where I see this.
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I think what's hardest for me to see is that curriculum that is fine curriculum gets shot down as "light" as though it is just for the struggling child.

Reminds me of the Saxon and the MUS threads for math and the conceptual science threads for science :(

 

I do think "light" is used too generically. Sometimes a curriculum's scope and sequence is such a way that there are "holes" when standardized testing comes around. Doesn't mean the curriculum is light or bad, just not written to the tests.

Edited by Arcadia
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Now that I am close to graduating my second and have seen up close hs students at "real" and "good" schools I am much less worried than when ds1 was in 9th grade. And I am much happier to cheer people on because I am more confident that what I am doing is fine.

Not that I still don't have crippling moments of doubt. But...

Ds1 was easy in that he was bright, but hard in that he was lazy and stubborn and occasionally difficult. He is having moderate success in college, because he is still all of those things.

Dd2- just easy.

 

And then, I got my just desserts. Next two with LDs. One elected to stay home, thank goodness. At almost 16, the fog is lifting and the only goal for the spring is 1 essay. Seriously. That will be an achievement of monumental effort.

Dd2 wants to go to ps for high school. I am only slightly embarrassed to say that I purposely found an average school with regular and diverse kids. She won't be the top, but if she works hard and has a few accommodations, she won't be the bottom either. I hope. She just needs enough to swim at college. Just a regular one, with a good football team so they have awesome academic support.

 

Ds3 is only 11, so who knows what he will be like.

 

Comparison and worry were the worst when ds1 entered 8th grade. One day, one class at a time, work on habits, and try to let them be who they are. That was and is the hardest thing for me, still. As the kids grow and mature, you relax a little.

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I've gone back and forth in my feelings towards the boards here.  I've been reading through a lot of high school threads trying to attempt to make a Plan A for this coming school year, which is the last before High School.  Add in that I don't know anyone "in real life" that has homeschooled all the way through.  Add in that we've moved several times and I don't have but a handful of people I would call friends here and exactly one of them homeschools.  LOL 

I still haven't found another community with as wide of a variety of members.  I love it.  I love that we have lots of people that will brain storm openly so that I can get ideas and the courage to not "school at home" but rather "homeschool."  I love that we have members just starting and members that have been on the journey for many more years than I have.  I love the perspective that is often offered from people that now have 20/20 hindsight on their side and the humility to tell others of their lessons.  

 

 

In the psychology class that I'm teaching, we just had a discussion on multiple intelligences. I pointed out that someone who excels in one area, like Michael Jordan in basketball or Oprah Winfrey in public speaking, naturally have less time to spend in other areas. If you devote time to being an top engineer, you likely won't have time to become a concert pianist. You will be lacking in other areas of your life, but that's okay! I feel like our society says that you have to be good at everything. 

 

This, this, this times a million.  I have one child that can memorize ANYTHING if said orally and if you set it to music he will learn it even faster.  He struggles greatly with social skills.  He's quirky with a capital Q.  He has sensory processing issues and is impulsive.  He is a perfectionist and struggles with school corrections.  I give him pencils with NO erasers.  Otherwise he will write and rewrite the same answer over and over until he thinks it looks "perfect."  I don't feel like I have to hide his quirks or issues here.  I feel like I can ask here for help or suggestions.  Love that.  

I have another child that struggles greatly with math.  I recently posted a thread about it.  But the same child is looking for more science depth.  Strengths and weaknesses areas of opportunity are present in all my children (and every child I've ever been in contact with.) 

 

I have been on these boards long enough to enjoy each post, each success, each struggle for what it is.

 

If comparisons are to be made, it wouldn't be to the kids on this board  It would more likely to occur within the family.  But it doesn't.

 

Eight years ago, I came to this board, looking to homeschool my dyslexic middle schooler.  I scoured the threads for help and it was given to me over and over.  For years, I continued to follow those kinds of threads, because I was armed with knowledge and experience.  I wanted nothing more than to help those who were searching for answers for their own children.  Within those threads are tons of success stories - you just have to see it as such.  

 

At the same time, I also have uniquely motivated kids.  Their path was different, not necessarily easier.  I crafted their path with as much gusto as I did the struggling one.

 

I recall being in a public school conference for my "gifted" son.  I was surrounded by teachers and counselors, telling me how incredibly awesome he is.  One teacher even spent $400 of her own money to start a club that he was interested in.  What did I say to this group (as politely as I could, after expressing my gratitude)?

 

"What a shame.  What a shame you didn't give this kind of interest and passion and encouragement to my struggling son.  If only each kid had a cheerleading squad like this, imagine the places he could go."

 

That cheerleading squad?  That's what I am, to all of my kids.  I plan and design for my kids with equal amounts of energy and passion.  I am enthused about everything I do for them.  I enjoy learning right along side of each of them.  

 

I love to "brag" about each of my kids.  As I tell people I meet, when they find out I have six kids, "Yup.  Six kids.  All different.  All awesome."

 

I am so dang proud.

 

YES!  I have children all over.  I have five VERY different children.  I try to individualize as much as I can.  It's why we homeschool... because we wanted to be able to do so.  I didn't want one size fits all education from anywhere... not just the public school system.  
 

Okay, all those who say don't compare... you're technically right. But the one of the purposes of the forum is often to get a sense of how we're doing, as a smaller subset of educators. So where are you guys, posting threads about your non-superstars? The problem is those threads just aren't getting posted on the high school forum very often, so the sense of what is average is really skewed. I know you're probably trying to be supportive, but the OP has a legitimate point. I know when my oldest was doing grade 9 at home, I didn't post a lot of info. It just was so off the mark of what is "average" on the HS forum.

I agree, KathyBC.  If we don't post, it skews the overall feel of the boards. I enjoy all types of posts.  I find homeschoolers to be a fascinating group. I love how innovative and out of the box we can be.  I love how sometimes, it is just a "no nonsense down and dirty" check a box for a requirement.  I love how creatively homeschoolers can view their life experiences and add a little more and make an impressive transcript or course description.  

 

 I love being a part of a community that is so resourceful.  

Of course, as in any community, there are going to be some people that are abrasive and there is an opportunity to have feelings hurt or feel like you don't measure up.  I was very intimidated by these boards not so long ago.  I have gotten to a point now that I just remind myself that everyone's path is just different.  It's okay.  We are all just trying to do what we think is best for our children.  

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I was discouraged when I read the recent 9th grade thread. My dd is very bright, and I feel she is ahead in many respects. But she will "only" be doing honors biology, not AP Physics, and she will "only" be doing geometry, not calculus, in 9th grade. She will "only" be doing 6 credits, not 8 or 9. It made me feel like maybe I am not pushing her enough, because I know she is bright and capable.

 

But at the same time, my daughter is not super mature (she's not necessarily immature, but she's still very much a little girl even though she turns 14 this month), and although she is very bright, working on school is not her chosen pastime. I have to remind myself that if I overload her with work, she will just be discouraged, not motivated, and part of the reason that I chose to homeschool is so that my kids have time to spend on pursuits outside the academic realm. When my oldest dd was in high school, she left the house at 7, got home slightly before 4, and had 2-4 hours of homework each night. If I wanted that much work for my dd, I could just put her in school.

 

I have many friends who refuse to read TWTM forums because they say that the population is not representative of the homeschool landscape at large and that the idea that homeschooled kids "should" be so far ahead is inaccurate and puts too much pressure on parents. I was thinking about that the other day when I asked my dh whether dd should take DE classes at the CC next year in 9th grade. He looked at me like I had two heads and said, "She still watches My Little Pony. Do you think she's mature enough to be in college?" I realized then that I was getting too caught up in expecting my dd to be something she's not, and that I was allowing the 9th grade thread to interfere with what I know is best for my child.

 

As much as I enjoy most of the discussions here, part of me feels like I should stay away lest I get caught up in keeping up with the Joneses.

 

ETA: I don't even want to think about my son and high school. He has dyslexia and processing problems, and I can't, at this point, fathom him handling even the typical high school work load, much less an advanced load.

LOL...I started community college classes at age 14...and then I would come home and watch VeggieTales, Carmen Sandiego, and Square One with my younger siblings.

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He is a perfectionist and struggles with school corrections. I give him pencils with NO erasers. Otherwise he will write and rewrite the same answer over and over until he thinks it looks "perfect."

 

I have another child that struggles greatly with math. I recently posted a thread about it. But the same child is looking for more science depth.

The part of these forums that attracted me to this board was the learning challenged board. Having a "dirt phobic would not use public toilet" perfectionist child was interesting. My oldest would erase until there are holes in his handwriting sheets. He would erase white boards until it is sparkling clean using wet wipes. He would crush piles of paper when writing. Typing save many trees :lol:

 

There are lots of science books that go in depth without a "heavy" math emphasis if you go beyond the typical school textbooks. At one time my kids were interested in genetics and classifications. We spent the entire day at the adult non-fiction of the library just reading :)

 

I still have more soft toys than my kids. I have five big totes of soft toys before marriage. Comically that got me accepted as a normal human by hubby's aunts when we were first introduced :) Soft toys are such cute icebreakers.

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The part of these forums that attracted me to this board was the learning challenged board. Having a "dirt phobic would not use public toilet" perfectionist child was interesting. My oldest would erase until there are holes in his handwriting sheets. He would erase white boards until it is sparkling clean using wet wipes. He would crush piles of paper when writing. Typing save many trees :lol:

 

Oh yes... you get it then.  Learning Challenges is where I finally got an inkling of what was going on with DS.  He's diagnosed 2e now and I have a ton more gray hairs.  LOL 

Edited by GAPeachie
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Every kid and family is unique!!! Even among my two kids one is more of an achiever than the other. But the second is more creative and social and does many things well whereas the first only does a few things amazingly well. Both are wonderful amazing loving kids with bright futures.

 

Of course if you think you are not allowing your kids to blossom in An area of talent then that would be a neglect of your duty as a homeschool parent. But you cannot force them to be who they aren't. You can prod a little. And you should provide room for them to grow especially if they show a talent or interest.

 

For example i am trying really hard to provide materials and classes for my younger dd in art and creativity so she is in an clay class and sewing as well as providing many materials around the house, space and contact trips to michaels. This does not match the "desired" abiltiTies of the area in which I live where only academic achievement particularly in STEM is valued. However this is God's child and it is my duty to get her creative abilties out there! This does not look like "achievement" yet, to the world, but aside from her wonderful character traits of honesty loyal to, love, compassion and her love of God's word, animals and little children and her respect ....even the art is an achievement for her.

 

And aside from that, ultimately even "normal" kids achieve amazing things when they are taught a work ethic of long term perseverance.

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I think it is hard not to put your best foot forward to the world.  I love to brag to a safe audience.  But I also think it is easy to lose track that gifted kids who are doing appropriately challenging work feel *challenged.*  Is it the same feeling that average kids feel?  From my experience, the answer is yes.  My older boy just scored a ZERO out of 60 on his most recent math exam.  It might be an invite-only exam, but he still got a 0.  It is humbling and discouraging.  In contrast, my younger boy is struggling to write faster than 10 words a minute at age 12.  He is also struggling.  The struggle is the same. Same effort, frustration, and emotion.  I just wonder if people with superstar students don't talk about their kids' struggles here, so others don't see the whole picture.

 

Ruth in NZ 

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I think what's hardest for me to see is that curriculum that is fine curriculum gets shot down as "light" as though it is just for the struggling child. Where do you go from there? I think that it would help those whose children who aren't academic superstars if those who have gifted children recognize that their view of "light" is skewed and it may be best to consider their audience (other gifted parents or parents in general) before offering such opinions. It doesn't encourage folks to share if the curriculum their child is doing (and maybe even struggling with) is shot down as light. I have started trying to say what I think in some of the threads where I see this.

I have done this for certain posts, and I will continue to do so. It all depends on the context of the discussion. If someone has a student struggling with high school math, I will recommend MUS. But if someone is asking for a math program for a student who wants to be an engineer, yep, I am going to chime in and discourage the use of MUS bc it is light. I'll equally assure parents whose kids are struggling with AoPS that while AoPS is the best math curriculum I have seen, kids do not have to complete math at that level to be successful in engineering.

 

Different curricula cover content at different levels. That is information.

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Problems can arises when helpful advice is communicated as a means of one upping. I have seen this type of aggressive communication often. In fact, I stayed away from the boards for a long time because the climate was too toxic. However now I need the boards for resource suggestions and added support with one of my dd.

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